lesson 5 using communication skillsusing communication skills: sharpening your listening skills you...

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What You’ll Learn1. Identify steps to follow to

develop interpersonalcommunication skills. (p. 41)

2. Discuss I-messages, you-messages, mixed messages,and active listening. (p. 42)

3. Outline consequences of andways to correct wrong actions.(p. 46)

4. Discuss resistance skills. (p. 47)5. Describe how to be self-

confident and assertive. (p. 48)6. Describe types of conflict,

conflict response styles,conflict-resolution skills, andthe mediation process. (p. 49)

7. Discuss ways to avoidprejudicial behavior. (p. 54)

Why It’s ImportantCommunication skills help youconverse with others, resistnegative peer pressure, andresolve conflicts. These actionsprotect and promote health.

Key Terms• communication skills• I-message• you-message• active listening• peer pressure• resistance skills• assertive behavior• conflict-resolution skills• mediation• prejudice

40 UNIT 1 • Health Skills

Using CommunicationSkills

• I will use interpersonal communication skills to enhance health.

• I will use resistance skills when appropriate.• I will use conflict-resolution skills to settle

disagreements.

How are your communication skills? Do you speak clearly? Do youlisten carefully when others speak? When you say “no,”do people take you seriously? This lesson includes life skills that help you communicate effectively.

Writing About Avoiding Prejudicial Behavior You are speakingwith a classmate about a new student at your school. The new student isof a different ethnicity than your classmate. Your classmate makesprejudicial remarks. Read page 54 about ways to avoid prejudicialbehavior. Then write an entry in your health journal discussing aconversation you might have with your friend.

5

LESSON 5 • Using Communication Skills 41(tt)Photodisc/Getty Images, (b)Dave Robertson/Masterfile

Skills that help a person share feelings, thoughts, and information

with others are Some people communicate clearly

and easily with everyone around them. Others struggle to make themselves understood.

You can take steps to develop this skill to the benefit of your health and that of others.

How to Use InterpersonalCommunication Skills

communication skills.

1. Choose the best way to communi-cate. Your choices for how you com-municate with others are almostunlimited. When you need to com-municate with another person, youcan choose to speak to someone inperson, speak to someone on thetelephone, write a letter, draw a pic-ture, use body language (includingfacial expressions), use sign lan-guage, leave a message on voice mailor on an answering machine, or sendan e-mail.

How you communicate may dependon what you are trying to say. There isa difference between communicatingdirections to a restaurant and commu-nicating your feelings about anotherperson. If you want to give someonedirections to a restaurant, you coulddescribe it in words, or you could drawa map.

Suppose you want to share yourfeelings about something with some-one. You might choose a private placeto talk. Most likely, you would not talkabout your feelings on voice mail thatsomeone else might hear or in an e-

mail that someone else might read.What if you are in a position where

you need to say “no” to someone andwant to send a strong message? Then,you might use body language as wellas verbal communication, and shakeyour head “no.”

is the use of actions or bodylanguage to express emotions andthoughts. Ignoring someone also is ameans of nonverbal communication.

nicationNonverbal commu-

A person’s voiceand his or hernonverbalcommunicationboth send amessage. Whatemotions can youassociate with thisstudent?

2. Express your thoughts and feelingsclearly. Take responsibility for ex-pressing your thoughts clearly. Do notexpect others to figure out what youmean—you must tell them.

You have two choices when youcommunicate: I-messages and you-messages. An expressesyour feelings or thoughts on a subject.It contains a specific behavior orevent, the effect of the behavior orevent on the person speaking, and theemotions that result. Examples of I-messages are: “I am in a difficult situ-ation because you didn’t return mybook to me before class today. Now ifthe teacher calls on me to read, Iwon’t be able to, and Mrs. Clark willthink I’m not prepared for class.”

When you use an I-message,you express your emotions withoutblaming or shaming another person,you avoid attacking another person orputting him or her on the defensive,and you give the other person achance to respond.

On the other hand, a you-messagewill result in the opposite response. A

is a statement thatblames or shames another person. Ayou-message puts down another per-son for what he or she has said ordone, even if you don’t have the wholestory about what happened. A you-message for the situation abovemight be, “I can’t believe you forgotmy book. You are so stupid! Can’t youdo anything right?”

If you use a you-message, you don’tshare your emotions in a healthfulway, and you don’t give the other per-son a chance to share his or her emo-tions. You-messages put people in adefensive position, so they are morelikely to respond negatively to yournegative you-statement.

You should try to become skilled atusing I-messages. Compare the I-message and the you-message in thesituation described above. Thinkabout which way you would prefer tobe treated if someone were upsetwith you.

Even in situations where you areangry, using I-messages will be moreeffective than using you-messages.You will still share your emotions, butyou will also maintain healthy rela-tionships with others.

Avoid sending mixed messages.When you express your feelings, youwill have the best response if yousend one clear message. A mixedmessage is a message that gives twodifferent meanings, such as “I wantto do this” and “I don’t really want todo this.”

For example, the words peopleuse and the tone of their voice whenthey speak can send different mean-ings. Suppose a friend apologizes forsomething that he has done to you,but the tone of his voice is sarcastic.Do you believe his apology is sincere?

Sending one message is important.If you send a mixed message, youpresent yourself as being confused orinsincere. Sometimes, you may needto take a moment to decide how youfeel about a situation. Take thatmoment, then voice a single messagewith consistent words, tone, and bodylanguage.

you-message

I-message

David Young-Wolf/Photo Edit


Make theConnection

Express Yourself Formore informationabout expressingemotions, see page 96in Lesson 10.

No matter how angrysomeone is, he or shewill get better resultsusing I-messages insteadof you-messages.

3. Listen to the other person.Speaking clearly is an importantcommunication skill. Listeningcarefully is just as important.When someone is speaking to you,pay attention to what he or she issaying.

Maintain eye contact with the per-son—this is a nonverbal way to showthe speaker that you are interestedin what he or she has to say. If youare preoccupied with something else,the speaker isn’t sure if you are lis-tening at all, and he or she may giveup trying to hold a conversation.

You can use gestures, such as nod-ding your head, to encourage furtherconversation, as well. Pay attentionto the speaker’s body language andtone to see if he or she might be send-ing a mixed message. If so, you maywant to ask more questions to findout what he or she really means. Doyour best to remember everythingthe person is saying.

When you show a speaker respectas he or she speaks, he or she willenjoy communicating with you, andyou will have more effective conver-sations. You are also showing thespeaker the way you like to betreated when you speak.

4. Make sure you understand eachother. The way you respond in a con-versation to show that you hear andunderstand what the speaker is say-ing is called Anactive listener can let a speaker knowthat he or she is really hearing andunderstanding what is being said.

By clarifying, restating, summariz-ing, or affirming what was said, youare proving that you take interest inwhat the other person had to say.Using these tools also helps you

make sure you understand exactlywhat it is the speaker intended tocommunicate.

Techniques for ActiveListeningHave you ever misunderstood some-one? Maybe you’ve even gotten into anargument with a friend or familymember only to find out later that youboth were saying the same thing—youjust didn’t understand each other.Active listening will help you commu-nicate better and avoid hurt feelingsand other problems that stem frommisunderstanding each other.

active listening.

When You Don’t ListenWhen you tune out someone who is speaking to you, you risk havingthat person feel unimportant. You risk harming your relationship withthe person.

You may tune out because you:

• were thinking of somethingor someone else.

• could not hear the speaker.• were tired and dozing off

while the other person wastalking.

• were thinking about whatyou were going to say next.

• heard a distracting noise inthe room.

• thought you knew what thespeaker was going to say next.

LESSON 5 • Using Communication Skills 43

Listening is just as important acommunication skill as speaking is. Goodlisteners have moreeffective conversations.

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44 UNIT 1 • Health SkillsDavid Schmidt/Masterfile

Using Communication Skills: Sharpening Your Listening SkillsYou can sharpen your listening skills by practicing active listening. When you listen actively, you showthat you understand. Being a good listener helps you develop and maintain personal relationships. Hereare some ways to listen actively.

1 Choose the best way tocommunicate. Givenonverbal feedback. Make eyecontact with the speaker. Nod yourhead when you agree and useappropriate facial expressions. Giveshort, but sincere verbal responsessuch as “yes” or “I see.”2

Express your though

ts and

feelings clearly. Ask

questions

to clarify what the spe

aker has

said. Wait until the pers

on has finished

before asking questions

.

3 Listen to the other person.Restate or summarize what youthink the speaker has said.Restating shows that you haveprocessed the speaker’s message and want to understand.5

With a partner, take

turns describing your

day. When it’s your

turn to listen, practice t

he

active listening techniq

ues

described here.

4 Make sure youunderstand eachother. Acknowledge thespeaker’s feelings. You mightsay, “I know what you mean.”“That’s terrific!” Responses likethis show acceptance. It may take some practice to become an effectivecommunicator, but the results can

include effective conversationsand better friendships.

Here are some ways to respond toa speaker to make sure you under-stand what he or she is saying.

Clarifying a response Ask the speakerfor more information. The more infor-mation you have, the more likely youare to understand what that person istrying to say. “What do you meanwhen you say. . . ? ” “Can you give me another example?”

Restating a response Repeat whatyou think the speaker has said.Sometimes, if a person is speakingtoo quietly, you literally may not beable to hear him or her. And some-times, you may simply misunder-stand the point the speaker is tryingto make. “Do I understand you to saythat. . . ?” “What I am hearing yousay is. . . ”

Summarizing a response Summarizethe main idea the speaker has stated.If the speaker has gone off on conver-sational tangents, you may havetrouble understanding what his orher point is. “You’re saying that themain point, then, is. . . .”

Affirming a response State yourappreciation for what the speakerhas said. Showing the person that heor she has helped you understand theconversation will make the personfeel good, and good feelings can leadto better conversation. “Thank youfor explaining that. . .” “Oh, now Iunderstand what you weresaying. . .”

Peer pressure can be positive. It’s thenight before a proficiency test thataffects your graduation status. Youcannot graduate with your class ifyou do not pass this test. You aredetermined to go into the test wellrested to succeed. A friend calls andwants to go to a movie. He also has topass this test to graduate. You man-age to resist his pleading and con-vince him that it would be better forhim to get to bed early to be preparedfor the test. After all, the movie willstill be there on the weekend.

This situation is an example ofpositive peer pressure. You haveinfluenced your friend to do some-thing that will benefit him. Positivepeer pressure is influence frompeers to behave in a responsible way.

Peer pressure can be negative. Haveyou ever been stuck in a situationwhere a classmate pesters you foranswers to homework instead of figur-ing them out for herself? A few times,you actually have given in and let hercopy the answers that you worked out.This is an example of negative peerpressure. Negative peer pressure isinfluence from peers to behave in away that is not responsible. Negativepeer pressure involves pressure to

risk your health and safety, breaklaws, show disrespect for yourself andothers, disobey your family, and showlack of character.

Wanting the best for others Peoplewho are mature, responsible, and car-ing want the best for others. Peoplewho exert negative peer pressuredon’t have your best interests inmind. They are really thinking onlyof themselves, even if they aren’taware of it. They want you to supporttheir irresponsible choices, such asdrinking alcohol or being sexuallyactive before marriage. Peers whopressure you to make irresponsibledecisions want support for theiractions. They are not thinking aboutthe negative outcomes you may haveto experience.

Make theConnectionPressure to beSexually Active Formore information onrecognizing andresisting pressure to be sexually active, seepage 170 in Lesson 16.

Ten Negative Peer Pressure StatementsThe following are some “lines” you may have heard.

• No one will ever know.• What’s the big deal? It won’t

kill you.• I do it all the time and have

never been caught or hurt!• We’ll go down together if

anything happens.

• Everybody else is doing it.• You’ll look older and more

mature.• Try it! You’ll really like it.• You only live once.• Don’t be such a wimp.• Don’t be a chicken.

LESSON 5 • Using Communication Skills 45

The influence that people of similar age or status place on others to behave in a certain

way is called Peer pressure can be either positive or negative, and it

can be exerted consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes all you need is to see that

someone in your class has bought the latest athletic shoes, and you feel driven to own the

same kind of shoes.

How to Recognize Types of Peer Pressure

peer pressure.

Consequences of Giving into Negative Peer PressureGiving in to negative peer pressuremay:

Harm health The nicotine in tobaccoincreases heart rate and blood pres-sure. If you give in and start smok-ing, you also increase your risk ofheart disease.

Threaten your safety If you give in topressure to ride in a motor vehicledriven by someone who has beendrinking, you increase your risk ofbeing injured or killed in a trafficaccident.

Cause you to break laws It is againstthe law for minors to drink alcoholicbeverages. By drinking underage,you risk being in trouble with the police, parents, and guardians.

Cause you to show disrespect for your-self and others If you repeat anunflattering story that you heardabout someone because you think itwill make you look important in some-one else’s eyes, you risk offending theperson you talked about.

Cause you to disregard the guidelinesof your parents and other responsibleadults Curfew is a fixed time a per-son agrees to be at home. If you breakcurfew, you risk experiencing yourparents’ or guardians’ loss of trust.

Cause you to feel disappointed in your-self What happens when you give into pressure and do something? Yourisk long-term regret for not beingable to stand up for yourself.

Cause you to feel resentment towardpeers If you make a wrong decisionunder pressure that results in physi-cal injury to yourself, you mightresent your peers or feel left out asyou deal with your injury.

Harm your self-confidence If you givein to pressure, you risk damagingyour self-confidence. You would knowthat you were not in control of your-self or of the situation.

Cause you to feel guilty and ashamedIf you give in to pressure and anotherperson is harmed because of youraction, you will feel guilty andashamed that you were responsiblefor what happened.


Drunk DrivingApproximately 17,000people are killed eachyear in alcohol-relatedvehicle crashes.

• Be honest; do not blame oth-ers. Take responsibility forany decisions, actions, orjudgments that result fromgiving in.

• Make things right; is restitu-tion needed? Restitution mayinvolve paying for damages,repairing or replacing some-thing that was damaged ortaken. Responsible adults can

help you decide how to cor-rect any harm you have done.

• Analyze your excuses for giv-ing in. Think about the situa-tion. Were there specificstatements made by peersthat influenced you to give in?Did some peers influence youmore than others?

• Learn from your mistakes. Beprepared to handle similar

situations again. Bolster yourconfidence by being readyfor all kinds of pressurestatements.

• Ask a parent, guardian, orother responsible adult forhelp. Find a responsible adultwhom you trust and reviewthe situations in which youhave given in.

If you become aware that you have done something irresponsible because you have given in tonegative peer pressure, use these strategies to face up to the situation.

Repairing the Damage

Skills that help a person say “no” to an action or to leave

a situation that they feel or know is dangerous or illegal are called

Resistance skills sometimes are called refusal skills and can be

used to resist negative peer pressure. How to Use Resistance Skills below is a list of eight

suggestions to use to resist negative peer pressure.

How to Use Resistance Skills

resistance skills.

1. Say “no” with self-confidence.Look directly at the person or peo-ple to whom you are speaking. Say“no” clearly.

2. Give reasons for saying “no.” Referto the six Guidelines for MakingResponsible Decisions on page 61for reasons for saying “no.”• “No, I want to promote my

health.”• “No, I want to protect my

safety.”• “No, I want to follow laws.”• “No, I want to show respect for

myself and others.”• “No, I want to follow the guide-

lines of my parents and otherresponsible adults.”

• “No, I want to demonstrate goodcharacter.”

3. Repeat your “no” response severaltimes. You strengthen your “no”response every time you repeat it.This makes your response moreconvincing, especially to yourself.

4. Use nonverbal behavior to matchverbal behavior. Nonverbal behav-ior is the use of actions to express

emotions and thoughts. Shakingyour head “no” is an example of non-verbal behavior.

5. Avoid situations in which there willbe pressure to make wrong deci-sions. Think ahead. Avoid situa-tions that might be tempting. Forexample, do not spend time at apeer’s house when his or her par-ents or guardians are not home.

6. Avoid people who make wrongdecisions. Remember that yourreputation is the impression oth-ers have of you. Choose to be withpeople who have a reputation formaking responsible decisions.Protect your good reputation.

7. Resist pressure to engage in illegalbehavior. You have a responsibilityto protect yourself and others andto obey the laws in your community.

8. Influence others to make responsi-ble decisions. Physically removeyourself when a situation posesimmediate risk or danger. If thereis no immediate risk, try to turn anegative situation into a positivesituation. Be a positive role model.

LESSON 5 • Using Communication Skills 47Photodisc/Getty Images

1. What is positivepeer pressure?

2. List five actions totake if you give into negative peerpressure.

3. What are eightways to resistpressure?

48 UNIT 1 • Health SkillsPhotodisc/Getty Images

TABLE 5.1 Steps to Be Self-Confident and Assertive

Step 1: Always use the six questions inthe Responsible Decision-Making Model.

Will this decision promote health, protect safety, follow laws, show respect for myself and others, follow parental guidelines, and demonstrate good character?

A positive response to each question helps guarantee that you will make a respon-sible decision and become more assertive and more confident in your decisions.

Step 2: Picture a shield of protection infront of you.

Whenever someone pressures you to make wrong decisions, picture yourself asbeing protected. If peers make negative pressure statements, visualize thestatements as bouncing off the shield.

Step 3: When you doubt yourself, talkwith a parent, guardian, or otherresponsible adult.

Reinforce that you have support you can rely upon. Teens who are self-confidentand assertive appreciate and rely on parents or guardians who can give them amorale boost and help them resist negative peer pressure.

Steps Things to Consider

How do you feel when you tell others about a decision you have made? Do you feel

confident, or do you begin to downplay your ideas? Self-confidence is belief in

oneself. When you are self-confident, you believe in your ideas, feelings, and decisions.

How Can You Be Self-Confident and Assertive?When your behavior is self-confidentand assertive, you show others thatyou are in control of yourself. Thehonest expression of ideas, feelings,and decisions without worryingabout what others think or withoutfeeling threatened by the reactions ofothers is Youclearly state your feelings or deci-sions and do not back down.

Passive behavior The holding back ofideas, feelings, and decisions is calledpassive behavior. People with pas-sive behavior do not stand up for them-

selves. They make excuses for theirbehavior. They might look away orlaugh when sharing feelings or makingdecisions. They lack self-confidence.

Aggressive behavior The use of wordsor actions that are disrespectfultoward others is called aggressivebehavior. People with aggressivebehavior might interrupt others ormonopolize a conversation. Theymight call others cruel names ormake loud, sarcastic remarks. Theythreaten others because they lackself-confidence.

assertive behavior.


Adisagreement between two or more people

or between two or more choices is a conflict.

Conflicts arise in the home, at school, in the workplace, and

at sports and entertainment events. An individual person can have conflict

within him or herself. In short, the potential for conflict is wherever there are people.

The reasons for conflicts are about as many as there are people in the world. People have

strong preferences or their emotions can run high on a particular topic. Some conflicts can

erupt into violence, which is harmful. Because of this potential, there is great need for ways to

resolve conflict. There are four types of conflict and three conflict response styles.

What to Know About Types of ConflictIntrapersonal conflict Any conflictthat occurs within a person is anintrapersonal conflict. For example,you may say to yourself, “I would liketo watch television after dinner.” Youalso may think, “I should study forthe test I have tomorrow.” You areinvolved in intrapersonal conflict.

Interpersonal conflict Any conflictthat occurs between two or more peo-ple is an interpersonal conflict. Youand your sister alternate doing thedinner dishes, but she was sick yes-terday so you did the dishes two daysin a row. You think she should do thedishes for the next two days, but shedisagrees. You and your sister areinvolved in interpersonal conflict.

Intragroup conflict An intragroupconflict is a difference between peo-ple belonging to the same group.Suppose you and several friends inthe Debate Club have had a prankplayed on you by other members ofthe club. Suppose a rival group of

teens has made your group of friendslook foolish. Some of your friendswant to get even by “egging” a carbelonging to one of the other teens.You and a friend are against thisdecision. You and your friend areinvolved in an intragroup conflictbecause you disagree with membersof your own group.

Intergroup conflict An intergroupconflict is a disagreement betweentwo or more groups of people. Theconflict may involve different neigh-borhoods, schools, gangs, racialgroups, religious groups, or nations.For example, you may be on an ath-letic team that is playing anotherschool. A player on your school’s teambumps into a player on the otherteam. The team members of the otherschool believe the action wasintended to harm their team mem-ber. Players from your school andplayers from the other school areinvolved in an intergroup conflict.

Conflict response style What is yourreaction at the first sign of a disagree-ment? Do you feel scared? Defensive?Is your first thought to try to makeeveryone feel better? Maybe your firstreaction is to run for cover. Some reac-tions are probably more helpful thanothers. A conflict response style is apattern of behavior a person uses in aconflict situation. The person may useone or a combination of the followingconflict response styles.

Conflict avoidance In this conflictresponse style, a person chooses toavoid disagreements. If you use thisstyle, you avoid telling others thatyou disagree with them. You may beso concerned that others will not likeyou if you disagree with them thatyou are unwilling to challenge theirbehavior, even when you don’t likewhat they are doing. Rather than dis-agree with someone, you sit back andallow others to solve problems in amanner of their choosing. This is alsoan example of passive behavior.

Conflict confrontation Using conflictconfrontation, a person attempts tosettle a disagreement in a hostile,defiant, and aggressive way. If youuse conflict confrontation, you like tobe aggressive and confront others. Asa confronter, you want to win or beright. You view conflict as a win-loseproposition. You believe your side ofthe story is the only one worthconsidering.

Conflict resolution Conflict resolu-tion is a response style in which aperson uses conflict-resolution skillsto resolve a problem.

are steps that canbe taken to settle a disagreement in aresponsible way. If you use theseskills, you remain rational and incontrol when you have disagree-ments with others. You listen to theother person’s side of the story. Yousee the potential for a win-win solu-tion in situations and relationshipsin which there is conflict. Conflictresolution is the healthful way toresolve problems.

Your conflict response style may bedifferent in different situations.When there is a conflict between youand your sister or brother, you mayact differently than if you had a con-flict with a stranger or a close friend.On the other hand, you may feel likeyou need to agree with an adult evenif you don’t because the adult is in anauthority position.

If you use conflict-resolution skillsand show proper respect, you canwork through conflict with people ofany age.

resolution skillsConflict-

50 UNIT 1 • Health SkillsJoe Feingersh/Masterfile

Make theConnection

Family RelationshipsFor more on conflictresolution in families,see page 137 inLesson 13.

What Is Your Conflict ResponseStyle?

Conflict is a natural part of life. Learningconflict-resolution skillswill help you settledisagreements in ahealthful, responsiblemanner.


Aguiding principle of conflict resolution is the concept of win-win. When all of the

people in a conflict feel that they have won, it is a win-win situation. It is important

to realize that there does not have to be a loser in every conflict.

How to Use Conflict-Resolution SkillsConflict-resolution skills can be usedto settle a disagreement in a respon-sible way. The list below identifiessteps that can be used to resolve con-flict in a responsible way.

1. Remain calm. Try to increase yourpatience and lower your personal“boiling point.” This way, both partiesare calm and not in danger of doingharm to themselves or others.

2. Set a positive tone. Avoid placingblame, put-downs, and threats; besincere; and reserve judgment. Dem-onstrate that you want to be fair andfind a mutually acceptable solution.

3. Define the conflict. Each personshould describe the conflict in writ-ing. Make it short and to the point.The focus then becomes describingthe conflict, not describing the peopleinvolved in the conflict.

4. Take responsibility for personalactions. Admit what part you haveplayed. Apologize if your actions were

questionable or wrong. This stepshows each person takes responsibil-ity for his or her part of the conflict.

5. Listen to the needs and feelings ofothers. Listening allows the otherperson to share his or her feelings. Donot interrupt. Use I-messages. Lis-tening shows that you want toresolve conflict. It shows respect forthe other person.

6. List and evaluate possible solutions.Identify as many solutions as possi-ble for the conflict. Discuss positiveand negative consequences of eachpossible solution. This enables theparties to select the solution that ishealthful, safe, legal, in accordancewith family guidelines and goodcharacter, and nonviolent.

7. Agree on a solution. Select a solu-tion. State what each party will do.Make a written agreement, if neces-sary. Restating and summarizing anagreement makes public what eachperson will do to honor the agreement.

What to Do After You HaveReached a ResponsibleSolutionEven if you have taken great care toresolve a conflict responsibly, it maystill take time for people to feel com-fortable. Your opinions going into theconflict were very strong, and theother person’s opinions were probablyjust as strong. Agreeing to settle a con-flict responsibly does not mean yourpersonal opinions have disappeared.But, by the time you have reached asolution you should have developed anunderstanding of the other person’sopinions. How can you make sure thatyou and the other person will keep theagreement that you have made?

Be respectful. Do not talk about theother individual(s) with whom youhave been in conflict. Do not blame

and shame others or put them on thedefensive. Use I-messages and takeresponsibility for your feelings.

Keep your word and follow the agree-ment that you made. Share any diffi-culties you might expect to have inkeeping the agreement. Be honestabout the ways in which you mayneed help holding up your portion ofthe agreement. Always be sincere inyour intention to keep your word.State honestly where you will needhelp and know whom you can trust ifyou need help keeping your part ofthe agreement.

Ask for assistance if the agreementseems to be falling apart. Admit thatsometimes a conflict is hard to resolveand needs outside help to be kept. Bewilling to agree on mediation—one ormore individuals not involved in theconflict who can help.


CONFLICTS

the FACTS Some people have only one way to settledisagreements—with violence or threats of violence. People who areassertive have a range of tools available to them when they becomeinvolved in a disagreement. They have enough self-control to talk thingsout and enough respect to listen to the other person’s point of view. Theyare mature enough to realize that they will not get their way all the time.

the FACTS Conflict is a part of most relationships. Two ormore people cannot spend time together without having differentopinions and ideas from time to time. If there is no conflict in arelationship, one person might be dominating the other, or one personmight be playing the role of martyr, constantly giving in to please theother person. Perhaps both people are denying there is any conflict. Theseare not healthful relationships. Real friends welcome the chance to exploredifferent ideas, learn more about each other and themselves, and findresolutions that help them both feel good about the relationship.

the FACTS Reading minds is not a requirement for friendshipor for family members. Sometimes during a conflict, we aren’t sure howwe ourselves feel, and we know even less about how the other personfeels. Resolving a conflict in a peaceful, satisfying way requires everyoneinvolved to express his or her feelings, needs, and expectations. Assumingthat others know how we feel or what we want is unrealistic. Only whenwe take responsibility for telling others what we would like to happen inorder to resolve a conflict can we begin to find a resolution.

“Do only wimps try to settledisagreements peacefully?”

“Do real friends have conflicts?”

“During a conflict, shouldn’ta real friend know how the

other person feels?”

In most instances, two

people can resolve their

differences using the

steps on page 51. But there

are instances when people

have a difficult time solving

their differences and mediation has

to be used. Mediation is a process in

which an outside person, or mediator, helps people in conflict reach a solution.

What to Know About MediationAgree upon a mediator. The purposeof a mediator is to help the peopleinvolved find a responsible solution.A mediator will not ask you to com-promise your values or the guidelinesof your parents or guardians. Themediator should not express an opin-ion. The only bias the mediatorshould have is for the solution to behealthful, safe, legal, respectful of allpeople involved, and nonviolent.

Set ground rules. Appropriate groundrules include: tell the truth; committo resolve the conflict; avoid blaming;put-downs, threats, sneering, or roll-ing your eyes, pushing, and hitting;reserve judgment; and listen withoutinterruption.

Define the conflict. The peopleinvolved begin by describing the con-flict. They need to agree about whathas taken place and about what theconflict is really about.

Identify solutions to the conflict. Thepeople involved brainstorm ways toresolve the conflict. The mediatoralso can make suggestions.

Evaluate suggested solutions. Predictthe possible outcome of the solutionsby using the Guidelines for MakingResponsible Decisions. Will the solu-tion result in actions that are health-ful, safe, legal, respectful, inaccordance with family guidelinesand good character, and nonviolent?

Negotiate a solution. The mediatorhelps the people involved negotiate asolution. The mediator may suggestmaking trade-offs so all peopleinvolved feel they are in a win-winsituation. Participants can meet with the mediator either together orseparately.

Write and sign an agreement. Thepeople involved should enter intothe agreement in an entirely volun-tary manner. After they agree to doso, an agreement should be written.Those involved should read theagreement, ask questions, then signand date it.

Schedule a follow-up meeting. Themediator can arrange a follow-upmeeting to renew the agreement.


Judging A judge in acourtroom is amediator. He or shecan mediate a prob-lem between twopeople or betweenthe government and a citizen.

1. What is self-confidence?

2. Name four types ofconflict.

3. How can you solvea conflictresponsibly?

4. What does amediator do?

To distinguish between things or people by noticing or

emphasizing differences between them is to discriminate.

An adverse judgment formed without looking at the facts is

Prejudice can be characterized by suspicion, intolerance,

or irrational hatred directed at an individual or group of people.

How to Avoid Prejudicial Behavior

prejudice.

Show respect for all people. Whenyou show respect for others, youincrease the likelihood that they willbe at their best and respect you.Respect increases the likelihood thatpeople will be able to live together,be productive, and behave in nonvio-lent ways.

Challenge stereotypes. A prejudicedattitude that assigns a specific qual-ity or characteristic to all people whobelong to a particular group is astereotype. Stereotypes imply thatan individual is the same as everyother member in a group, which isunfair. People who belong to a spe-cific racial, religious, ethnic, or gen-der group have their race, religion,ethnicity, or gender in common.However, each person in each of thesegroups is different from each other inany number of ways.

Create synergy through diversity. Apositive outcome that occurs whenpeople cooperate is synergy. Diver-sity is the quality of being differentor varied. When there is synergy,

people with different backgrounds,talents, and skills produce better andmore creative solutions.

Show empathy for all people. Theability to share in another person’semotions or feelings is empathy.When you have empathy, you under-stand what a person is feeling andcan express that understanding withwords or actions.

Avoid prejudicial comments. Wordscan cause emotional wounds that aremore difficult to heal than physicalwounds. Always think before youspeak. Avoid making jokes or snideremarks about other people. Avoidlaughing or affirming others whenthey make jokes or snide remarksabout other people.

Learn about people who are differentfrom you. Being informed preventsadverse judgments. Learn the talentsof others. Study a foreign language,read about other races and cultures,and reach out to those who aredifferent from you.

54 UNIT 1 • Health Skills(tt)Photodisc/Getty Images

5STUD

Y

GUIDE

Key Terms Review

Recalling the Facts

1. is a way of responding to show thata person hears and understands.

2. are skills that help a person say“no” to an action or leave a situation.

3. is influence that people place onothers to behave in a certain way.

4. is expressing your ideas and feel-ings without feeling threatened.

5. are skills that help a person sharethoughts and information with others.

6. is a message that blames or thatshames someone.

7. contains a specific behavior, theeffect it had, and the emotions that resulted.

8. is an adverse judgment formedwithout looking at the facts.

9. are steps that can be taken to settlea disagreement in a responsible way.

10. is a process in which an outsideperson helps people reach a solution._____

_____

_____

_____

_____

_____

_____

_____

_____

_____

active listeningassertive behaviorcommunication skillsconflict-resolution

skillsI-messagemediationnonverbal

communicationpeer pressureprejudiceresistance skillsstereotypeyou-message

11. What are four ways to demonstrate activelistening?

12. What steps can you take to resist pressureto do something wrong?

13. List nine consequences of giving in to negative peer pressure.

14. What can you do if you have given in tonegative peer pressure?

15. What steps help you settle conflict withoutfighting?

16. Select five statements that peers might useto get you to make a wrong choice andwrite a statement to counter each one.

17. How can teens demonstrate empathytoward other people?

18. What are eight steps in mediation?

Critical Thinking 19. How does active listening show respect for

the person who is speaking?

20. Why is win-win a healthful goal for bothindividuals in a conflict?

21. How can seeing a person leave a risky situation influence others?

22. How can assertive behavior, rather thanpassive or aggressive behavior, help teensmake responsible decisions?

Real-Life Applications23. Write an I-message to express feelings.

24. Explain four benefits to using mediation fora conflict between you and a sibling overwhose turn it is to do a chore.

25. What steps can you take to influence oth-ers to avoid prejudicial behavior?

26. Why is it important to avoid people whoseem to always make wrong decisions?

LESSON 5 • Study Guide 55Dave Robertson/Masterfile

Activities

Complete these fill-in-the-blank statements with the lesson Key Terms on the left. Do not write in this book.

Responsible Decision Making27. Write a Response One of your class-

mates has just relocated from a differentcountry. He has an accent when he speaks,so some students make fun of him. Theywant you to make a prank call to his house.What will your response be? Use theResponsible Decision-Making Model onpage 61 for help.

Sharpen Your Life Skills28. Use Resistance Skills Some of your

classmates have stolen the master key toyour school. They are going to sneak in and “trash” the principal’s office over theweekend. They want you to join them.On a sheet of paper, write resistance skillsthat you might use to help you resist thispeer pressure.

Visit www.glencoe.com for more Health & Wellness quizzes.

http://www.glencoe.com

Health & WellnessTable of ContentsUNIT 1 Health SkillsLesson 1 Taking Responsibility for HealthLesson 2 Accessing Valid Health Information, Products, and ServicesLesson 3 Practicing Healthful BehaviorsLesson 4 Analyzing Influences on HealthLesson 5 Using Communication SkillsLesson 6 Setting Health Goals and Making Responsible DecisionsLesson 7 Being a Health Advocate

UNIT 2 Mental and Emotional HealthLesson 8 Developing Good CharacterLesson 9 Developing a Healthy MindLesson 10 Expressing Emotions and Managing StressLesson 11 Dealing with DepressionLesson 12 Dealing with Loss and Grief

UNIT 3 Family and Social HealthLesson 13 Developing Healthful Family RelationshipsLesson 14 Adjusting to Family ChangesLesson 15 Examining Dating and FriendshipsLesson 16 Practicing Abstinence From SexLesson 17 Recognizing Harmful RelationshipsLesson 18 Preparing for Marriage and Parenthood

UNIT 4 Growth and DevelopmentLesson 19 Keeping Your Body HealthyLesson 20 Learning About the Reproductive SystemsLesson 21 Learning About Pregnancy and ChildbirthLesson 22 Caring for Infants and ChildrenLesson 23 Developing Learning and Planning StylesLesson 24 Aging Healthfully

UNIT 5 NutritionLesson 25 Choosing Healthful FoodsLesson 26 Following Dietary GuidelinesLesson 27 Using Diet to Guard Against DiseaseLesson 28 Developing Healthful Eating HabitsLesson 29 Maintaining a Healthful Weight

UNIT 6 Personal Health and Physical ActivityLesson 30 Having Regular Physical ExamsLesson 31 Being Well-GroomedLesson 32 Getting Adequate Rest and SleepLesson 33 Participating in Physical ActivityLesson 34 Practicing FitnessLesson 35 Exercising Safely

UNIT 7 Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other DrugsLesson 36 Using Prescription and OTC Drugs SafelyLesson 37 Choosing an Alcohol-Free LifestyleLesson 38 Choosing a Tobacco-Free LifestyleLesson 39 Avoiding Illegal Drug UseLesson 40 Avoiding Drug DependenceLesson 41 Resisting Pressure to Abuse DrugsLesson 42 Reducing Risk by Being Drug FreeLesson 43 Assessing Treatment Options

UNIT 8 Communicable and Chronic DiseasesLesson 44 Avoiding Communicable Diseases.Lesson 45 Dealing with Respiratory Diseases, Asthma, and AllergiesLesson 46 Reducing the Risk of STDs and HIVLesson 47 Reducing the Risk of Cardiovascular DiseasesLesson 48 Managing Chronic Health ConditionsLesson 49 Reducing the Risk of Cancer

UNIT 9 Consumer and Community HealthLesson 50 Acquiring Knowledge of Health LawsLesson 51 Managing Time and MoneyLesson 52 Analyzing Media MessagesLesson 53 Accessing Reliable Health CareLesson 54 Investigating Health CareersLesson 55 Learning About Public Health

UNIT 10 Environmental HealthLesson 56 Learning About Environmental IssuesLesson 57 Preventing Air and Water PollutionLesson 58 Preventing Noise and Visual PollutionLesson 59 Practicing Recycling and ConservationLesson 60 Protecting the Environment

UNIT 11 Injury Prevention and Personal SafetyLesson 61 Reducing Unintentional InjuriesLesson 62 Staying Safe During Severe Weather and Natural DisastersLesson 63 Reducing the Risk of ViolenceLesson 64 Respecting Authority and Obeying LawsLesson 65 Protecting Yourself From Physical ViolenceLesson 66 Protecting Yourself From Sexual ViolenceLesson 67 Staying Away From GangsLesson 68 Reducing Weapon InjuriesLesson 69 Performing Common First Aid ProceduresLesson 70 Performing Emergency First Aid Procedures

Health ResourcesEnglish/Spanish GlossaryIndexCredits

Feature ContentsActivity: Using Life SkillsSpeaking OutHealth NewsFacts AboutJust the Facts

Student WorkbooksReading EssentialsTo the StudentUnit 1: Health SkillsLesson 1: Taking Responsibility for HealthLesson 2: Accessing Valid Health Information, Products, and ServicesLesson 3: Practicing Healthful BehaviorsLesson 4: Analyzing Influences on HealthLesson 5: Using Communication SkillsLesson 6: Setting Health Goals and Making Responsible DecisionsLesson 7: Being a Health Advocate

Unit 2: Mental and Emotional HealthLesson 8: Developing Good CharacterLesson 9: Developing a Healthy MindLesson 10: Expressing Emotions and Managing StressLesson 11: Dealing with DepressionLesson 12: Dealing with Loss and Grief

Unit 3: Family and Social HealthLesson 13: Developing Healthful Family RelationshipsLesson 14: Adjusting to Family ChangesLesson 15: Examining Dating and FriendshipsLesson 16: Practicing Abstinence From SexLesson 17: Recognizing Harmful RelationshipsLesson 18: Preparing for Marriage and Parenthood

Unit 4: Growth and DevelopmentLesson 19: Keeping Your Body HealthyLesson 20: Learning About the Reproductive SystemsLesson 21: Learning About Pregnancy and ChildbirthLesson 22: Caring for Infants and ChildrenLesson 23: Developing Learning and Planning StylesLesson 24: Aging Healthfully

Unit 5: NutritionLesson 25: Choosing Healthful FoodsLesson 26: Following Dietary GuidelinesLesson 27: Using Diet to Guard Against DiseaseLesson 28: Developing Healthful Eating HabitsLesson 29: Maintaining a Healthful Weight

Unit 6: Personal Health and Physical ActivityLesson 30: Having Regular Physical ExamsLesson 31: Being Well-GroomedLesson 32: Getting Adequate Rest and SleepLesson 33: Participating in Physical ActivityLesson 34: Practicing FitnessLesson 35: Exercising Safely

Unit 7: Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other DrugsLesson 36: Using Prescription and OTC Drugs SafelyLesson 37: Choosing an Alcohol-Free LifestyleLesson 38: Choosing a Tobacco-Free LifestyleLesson 39: Avoiding Illegal Drug UseLesson 40: Avoiding Drug DependenceLesson 41: Resisting Pressure to Abuse DrugsLesson 42: Reducing Risk by Being Drug FreeLesson 43: Assessing Treatment Options

Unit 8: Communicable and Chronic DiseasesLesson 44: Avoiding Communicable DiseasesLesson 45: Dealing with Respiratory Diseases, Asthma, and AllergiesLesson 46: Reducing the Risk of STDs and HIVLesson 47: Reducing the Risk of Cardiovascular DiseasesLesson 48: Managing Chronic Health ConditionsLesson 49: Reducing the Risk of Cancer

Unit 9: Consumer and Community HealthLesson 50: Acquiring Knowledge of Health LawsLesson 51: Managing Time and MoneyLesson 52: Analyzing Media MessagesLesson 53: Accessing Reliable Health CareLesson 54: Investigating Health CareersLesson 55: Learning About Public Health

Unit 10: Environmental HealthLesson 56: Learning About Environmental IssuesLesson 57: Preventing Air and Water PollutionLesson 58: Preventing Noise and Visual PollutionLesson 59: Practicing Recycling and ConservationLesson 60: Protecting the Environment

Unit 11: Injury Prevention and Personal SafetyLesson 61: Reducing Unintentional InjuriesLesson 62: Staying Safe During Severe Weather and Natural DisastersLesson 63: Reducing the Risk of ViolenceLesson 64: Respecting Authority and Obeying LawsLesson 65: Protecting Yourself From Physical ViolenceLesson 66: Protecting Yourself From Sexual ViolenceLesson 67: Staying Away From GangsLesson 68: Reducing Weapon InjuriesLesson 69: Performing Common First Aid ProceduresLesson 70: Performing Emergency First Aid Procedures

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