Why is it important for us to thinkabout dying?Stephen Levine: Because we are allgoing to die. If we could bring thatreality into our heart, that would be apractice unto itself. The last timeOndrea and I spoke with the DalaiLama, he asked us what were workingon. I told him we were writing a bookcalled A Year To Live, which exploresthe practice of living as if the presentyear were our last. He wonderedwhether people who started this prac-tice would run amok. In other words,if they imagined the end was coming,wouldn’t they just grab a lady or aguy and a bottle of tequila and headfor the beach? And that’s what wethought as well. But the truth is,when people know they are going todie, that last year is often the mostloving, most conscious, and most car-ing—even under conditions of poorconcentration, the side effects of med-ication, and so on. So don’t wait to dieuntil you die. Start practicing now.

You actually spent an entire yeardoing this formal practice—living asthough it were your last. How did theexperience affect you?SL: One of the things one notices ingetting older or doing the year-to-livepractice is how vain we are. We are soattached to how we appear in theworld, in relationships. Simple embar-rassment so often guides the way we

Drawing on their roots in Vipassana meditation techniques, Stephen

and Ondrea Levine have helped thousands approach death with

equanimity and an open heart over the last 30 years. Now, they are

learning to bring the same openness to their own lives—Ondrea is

living with leukemia and lupus, while Stephen lives with a neurological

degenerative condition. Recently, the Levines retired to the moun-

tains of New Mexico to deepen their practice in the silence of the

woods. Returning to an initial passion, Stephen devotes much of his

energy to poetry, and his most recent publication, Breaking the

Drought, channels his healing and insight into verse. Last year, the

Levines spoke with psychotherapist and author Barbara Platek about

death, dying, and conscious living.

Living the Life You Wish to LiveStephen and Ondrea Levine, counselors and meditation teachers, sit down with psychotherapistBarbara Platek to speak about easing the transitionfrom life to death.

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Stephen and Ondrea Levine in New Mexico. Stephen tells us that when we turn “mindfullyto the idea that we are going to die, we stop delaying our lives.”

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interact with others. But when we dothis practice of turning mindfully tothe idea that we are going to die, westop delaying our lives. We start catch-ing up with ourselves.

Part of this process involves attend-ing to the fear of death. When it issimply my fear, or my pain, we feel ter-ribly isolated. But when it becomesthe fear, the pain, there can be anexpansion, an opening. If, when weare on our deathbed, we can think ofourselves as one of the ten thousandpeople who are dying, we can have amore universal experience, and thisfrees us from the terrible isolation ofour suffering. Ondrea Levine: I think the greatestbenefit of the year-to-live practice isthe opportunity it provides to reassessour priorities. When we worked withpeople on their deathbed, we wouldoften hear the following three com-plaints: I wish I had gotten divorcedearlier; I wish I had taken a job forlove of the work, not money; I wish Ihad played and enjoyed myself more.So the beauty of the practice is that wecan evaluate our lives even before weare on our deathbed. If we are not liv-ing the life we wish to live, how canwe change that now, while there isstill time?

I can say this, because I have cancer.And I know that once you get thatdiagnosis, no matter how much youalready know, something happens,

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everything becomes much more real.Ironically, it brings greater permissionto be fully alive. I find it very exciting.

We have so few guides or myths tohelp us through the dying process.And yet the fact that we die is inti-mately related to our experience onthis earth. Rather than honor oracknowledge what is essentially agreat mystery, we are almost, as youput it, embarrassed by it somehow.How can we overcome this feeling?SL: I think we are embarrassed byhow much pain we have been inthroughout our entire lives. Becausewe are embarrassed, we don’t sharethis truth with one another. Of coursethere is fear there, too. We have feararound dying. That is natural. Butthe embarrassment is just that—embarrassment. We need to havemercy on ourselves. We all feelembarrassed. Actually, when we dospeak about these things, when we doshare our embarrassment, we experi-ence relief. The holding back is whatis hard.

We have seen people die withoutever telling their families what wasthe matter with them, without eversharing a single doctor’s appoint-ment, without ever even giving theirloved ones a sense that they were neardeath. We need to be able to trustrelationships. If two people can sharetheir embarrassments, what a bondthat creates.

You suggest that much of our fear ofdying is actually a fear of pain or oflosing control. Death, you say, isperfectly safe.SL: Yes, people are mostly afraid ofthe negative things they have heard orlearned about death. First of all, wehave much better pain medicationthan we ever had before. It really can

be adjusted to provide relief and com-fort. So that aspect—dying in pain—has been mitigated to a certain degree.There is less of that extreme discom-fort to face. But we are afraid of theimages and ideas we have createdabout death. OL: People are also afraid of theembarrassment of having someonebathe them or wipe their ass. They areconcerned about this level of exposure,this lack of control. Most of us neverhave this experience in the course ofour lives. So this can feel humiliating,and the thought of it can cause greatconcern. That’s why it is helpful tohave a best friend or a nurse we cantrust. We have heard people say that assoon as they can’t wipe their own assthey are going to kill themselves.They usually don’t—but that justshows how deep the concern can be.

How useful are the Buddha’s teach-ings as you now deal with Ondrea’scancer and your own illness?SL: They are everything. That’s whatwe are saying. If we do a practice,then when we come to a hard place wehave something to build on. Love isthe bridge.

How do you face the prospect oflosing each other?OL: It is sad. We cry. We are every-thing to each other. That’s what keepsme eating well, taking supplements.As much love as we have, we know wewill have to face the other side of it—which is horrible pain. But if we arenot willing to go for the love becauseof our fear of the pain—well, we’renever going to get the love we seek.When one of us dies, it is going tobreak our hearts.

But you know, we have had theexperience of people coming to usafter they were dead—people come in

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dreams and in meditations. In fact, ifsomeone you love has died, talk tohim or her. Hear their voice in yourhead and tell them all the things youwanted to say. Don’t be too rational,try it. Some part of us believes we willstill be able to be in touch. Whoknows? All we know is that we willlove as well as we can.

What advice would you give to some-one who is currently facing death—either her own or a loved one’s?SL: Be mindful. Be loving. Practiceforgiveness.OL: Don’t put off anything. Anydream you have, anything that youalways wanted to do—do it. I can’ttell you how many doctors have saidto me, “Stop thinking about it.” Ofcourse I can’t stop. The mind is goingto think, “I am going to die.” Butwhen those thoughts come up, we cango to the body, go to sensation—breathe in and out of the heart.

We are going to go through a lot. Ifyou think you are going to die withangels around, God bless. But if youhave one good friend who can be withyou, that is a true blessing. We haveheard of so many people dying alone.

What is the greatest lesson about liv-ing you have learned from the dying?OL: Follow your heart and be as pres-ent as you can. Don’t think that life isgoing to happen when you retire. Liveyour life now. Enjoy it now. You knowthat wonderful line from John Lennon:Life is what’s happening while we’rebusy making other plans. Don’t waitto live your life.SL: Buddha said that we could lookthe whole world over and never findanyone more deserving of love thanourselves. That is what we should beworking with. There is no one moredeserving of love than you. ▼

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