Cheating heart

everal years ago my wife, “Han-nah” and I started having trouble with our oldest child.

Our world began to shake. We were very busy with life—church, Sunday School, church boards, the children’s sports, work, friends, family events, etc.

Who had time to ask the Holy Spirit for help!

I guess my thinking was, If we’re doing what we think the Lord wants us to, He’ll look out for us.

We should’ve made God part of our every decision and asked for His blessing on our family, and most certainly the oldest child who was getting into trouble.

Satan watched and thought, Aha! These folks are distracted and aren’t praying much, so maybe they’re becoming weak. They must think they’re in the driver’s seat. I’ll watch and see where I fit in.

Our oldest child kept getting into trouble, and we had a big dis-agreement with some friends who

were talking behind our back. Feeling betrayed, we broke off the friendship.

Our daughter blamed herself, and with everything else going on, she ended up depressed.

I know now I should’ve gotten on my knees every day and asked God’s blessing on her.

Plus, she needed me to tell her that she’s God’s child, she’s holy, righteous, glorified in Christ.

And not only that, but I needed to tell her she was a blessing to her daddy!

I should’ve put my hands on her and blessed her every time she was near me—but life was busy.

Like everyone else I knew, I thought I was in charge of my des-tiny. Everywhere you turn, the mes-sage is that you should take control of your life—be a success!

I wanted to be a good provider, but instead of asking for God’s help, I just trusted in my own abili-ties to make a living!

S by “Cal Johnson”

(The picture in this story is a model, not the actual person)

July, 2011 Vol. 15, No. 4

Things got worse. My times with the Lord weren’t as appealing as they had been, and Satan was getting more and more of an upper hand in my life.

I shared everything with my Pastor—our daughter’s issues, how my wife was angry and upset, that my work wasn’t going well, etc. “I need faith, Pastor!”

We talked about thirty minutes, and he gave me a couple books to read—and out the door I went.

Two years later, I still had the books, and I still hadn’t read them.

Even though my marriage wasn’t good, I thought surely it’d get better. We’re just super busy right now, things always work out ... eventually.

I truly loved “Hannah.” In fact, I idolized my wife. She was the most important thing in my life. Everything was about her.

Without “Hannah” nothing else mattered. Well, you know what happens when you put someone in God’s place.

I found I was depending on her to take all my burdens. No human can do that. They can hardly handle their own humanity.

So, in essence, what I did was push her away by worshipping her.

Life grew even busier, and the daily strife in our home got to be more consistent.

“Hannah” and I became very distant. I was feeling totally unap-preciated as we continued growing apart.

I started feeling more and more alone, and turned to a female co-worker with whom I spent the li-on’s share of my time. One day I crossed that line, and we fell mor-ally. I began withdrawing from my wife even more.

I was under strong conviction. And though I broke it off with “Judy,” the loneliness, mixed with guilt was horrendous! It became so bad, I couldn’t sleep at night.

At least there was the consola-tion that I’d finally broken off the affair.

I was trying to make amends with my wife, but she would have no part of it!

She was suspicious and kept asking if I’d been unfaithful, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it.

I know now it would’ve been far better to have exposed everything instead of her finding out the way she did.

When it all came out in the open, she wanted nothing to do with me and imme-diately began divorce proceed-ings.

I was shat-tered and my world was spi-raling out of control. I was falling apart because of my stupidity—

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and I was losing the one person I held dear!

I found out that “Judy” was very despondent, and the guilt over that was eating at me.

I tried to help her, but she just clung to me. And even though I knew I needed to cut all ties with her AGAIN, it was excruciatingly difficult to do.

Loneliness kept me in a state of confusion. “Hannah” was angry and hostile, and “Judy” was there to comfort me.

I had been blind to every escape route the Lord gave me along the way. It was almost as if blinders had been on my eyes all that time.

I was definitely at fault for ev-ery bit of my agony. I had no one to blame but my own cheating heart—and the enemy was enjoying every minute of it!

I reached a point of hopeless-ness. I’d lost everything—my wife, my children, my home, my in-laws, our friends, and the respect of my church and community.

My life was broken and shat-tered, and the bondage was over-whelming!

I cried out for help, and God heard my prayer!

I’d been visiting a nearby church and really liked the Pastor. I made an appointment with him and got some solid direction.

He knew about FFM and rec-ommended that I go there for help.

It was in the middle of my busiest season at work, but I knew

nothing mattered as much as get-ting back on track!

He cautioned me to be totally open with my counselor, so I went there knowing I would do just that and tell it all.

It really amazed me how com-passionate Bill and Toni were. Their love, patience and non-judgmental attitude were very reassuring and made our time together like being with “old friends.”

They showed me where I had lost my way and helped me see that my mistakes, though completely humiliating, were what brought me to brokenness.

I was ushered into the love re-lationship I’d always desired. It will never be found in a human, but only in the Lord.

My spirit was renewed as I was released from all bondage. I found the hope I thought I’d lost! He is in me and I am in Him!

Going to Faith Family was a life-changing experience, as God used the Morgans to bring me back to intimacy with Himself.

Unfortunately my wife went through with the divorce. And while I can’t change that, I pray she’ll someday find it in her heart to forgive me, so she can be healed of the wounds I caused.

Please don’t let it take losing the most precious person in your life to get on your knees. The Lord is right there, wooing you to Himself ... heed His voice before it’s too late! Blessings on your journey!

ing your mate with mundane tasks.

Since Toni does most of the cooking,

I get involved with the dishes, which is

also a good way to say “Thank you!” for

her efforts. A verbal expression of my

gratitude is also in order here—a little

praise goes a long way!

We plan a date night regularly. It

doesn’t have to cost a lot, just some-

thing we both enjoy doing.

If we decide we’d prefer to stick

around the house, we’ll take a walk by

the lake, or just watch a movie.

Another helpful ingredient is to

plan on the same bedtime. Just ending

the day together can be very enriching.

And of course, meeting each other’s

need for physical intimacy will bond

you even more.

A word of caution. If you haven’t

been investing, expect your spouse to

faint when you begin.

Use some of these tips, and the result

will be that your own needs, and many

of your wants, will be met as well.

Marriage is a two way street. It’s

not a fifty-fifty proposition—it requires

100% from both of you!

Don’t even hesitate to give that

100%, and you’ll experience heaven

right here, right now!

ow do we invest in our mates?

Communication is perhaps the

most vital aspect of investing that cou-

ples can make.

Listening is a part of communica-

tion and tends to be a weak area for

most males. So, what can we do to let

our wives know we truly “hear” them?

One thing I have found helpful

is to put aside what I am doing when

Toni wants to talk. I give her my full

attention. It helps me to focus better

when I turn to face her and make eye

contact.

Then as she shares, I purposely

engage in the conversation (even

when I prefer to stay focused on what

I’m working on). I let her know she’s

important to me by listening to what’s

important to her.

Another way to connect with your

spouse is to be an encourager.

Always speak words of blessing.

Never, ever talk “down” to her/him,

especially in front of others. I cringe

when I hear someone put their spouse

down in a crowd, whether in their pres-

ence or behind their back! This is so

damaging! Keep in mind, criticism is a

killer in any relationship!

Another way to connect is by help-

H

“Ingredients” for a Healthy Marriage

5 6

hat does it take to make a marriage work the way God intended?

There really is only one way for any marriage to be healthy, and that is for both spouses to make love their aim.

God’s Word states that love casts out fear. But is it really pos-sible to walk this way?

Is it even a realistic goal in this fast paced, often out of con-trol, world in which we live?

Yes, I know it’s possible, because my wife and I have that kind of relationship.

We don’t always get it right, but we have a commitment to talk through our differences.

Growing toward intimacy is the goal of our marriage, and as I said, it takes selflessness to make it work.

Toni freely shares her feel-ings with me. She has no prob-lem being open about what’s going on inside.

However, I have a tendency

to hold my feelings in.I’ve had to learn that being

open and transparent with my wife bonds the two of us more than my trying to act “macho.”

I need her comfort, but unless I share my feelings, she won’t even know it.

The reluctance that we men have in opening up stems from our childhood. We were taught to be rough and tough—even being told to “suck it up” when we were hurt or disappointed. “Don’t cry or you’ll be called a sissy!”

A lifetime of this kind of thinking sets up patterns that are very hard to break.

Toni has been great though, in helping me realize it’s safe to be “real” with her.

We are determined to walk out God’s plan for intimacy in our relationship.

My wife and I are extremely different, both in temperament and personality.

Finding intimacy

I am analyti-cal and detail ori-ented, while she’s more intuitive. God has gifted her to readily see the bigger picture.

But, the Holy Spirit uses our differences to make us one—we complete each other.

We all have needs, and as we prefer one another, those needs will be met the way God intended for them to be.

Husbands, if you invest energy into meeting your wife’s needs, all of your’s will be met as well.

Marriage is similar to a bank account. You cannot make a withdrawal without first making a deposit.

This works both ways, of course, but husbands tend to expect certain benefits from mar-riage without investing anything in them.

If you husbands aren’t seeing to your wife’s needs, it could

cause her to be vulnerable to emotional connections outside your marriage.

If you wives are neglecting to meet your husband’s needs, he will tend to be more vulnerable to the lure of “adult” entertain-ment, etc.

When we are cared for by our mate, these pulls have very little power over us.

And definitely an affair is not even a consideration. It holds no temptation because we already have the real deal.

Couples only fall when they are empty—when their love bucket is parched and dry.

As you put Christ in the middle of your marriage, and invest in one another like there is no tomorrow, tomorrow will be better than today—from now throughout eternity.

W

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system, this should not be terribly surprising.

There are many other nutrients that help reduce stress, but as I said in our last couple of HealthPoints, we must also be selective when planning our food intake.

There is no substitute for eating a balanced diet of proteins, carbohydrates and fats in right proportion.

Supplements aren’t going to replace good nutrition, but they sure do a lot to enhance it.

If you’re interested in knowing where you might be coming up short, your M.D. or Chiropractor can order the Cardio-ION Panel from www.MetaMetrix.com.

My simple theory is, “Take the bad stuff out and put the good stuff in.” It has worked well for Bill and me all these years.

If you have been to FFM, you’ve heard my testimony of healing. God chose to restore my health through practicing this simple theory.

In the next HealthPoint article, our focus will be on “Taking the bad stuff out.”

HealtHPoint

n past issues, we looked at worry as a major cause for stress, and how you can trace worry back to what you believe.

Mark Twain once said, “In my life, I have suffered many terrible experiences. Some of which actually happened.”

How true that is, but stress, as we’ve seen, has many causes.

Our body is designed to run on certain nutrients, and when they are low or missing altogether, it shows up in a myriad of ways—stress being just one of them.

Many foods aren’t getting the job done because the soil in which they’re grown is often deplete.

I’ve found B vitamins to be one of the things that help reduce my stress level.

I make sure I’m taking zinc & copper along with the B’s because zinc is necessary to help absorb them, and copper is important to balance out the zinc.

Certain B vitamins are deficient in patients with severe depression. Since these supplements play a major role in the central nervous

I

De-Stress Your Life Part 3

8

Dear Treasured Friend,

It’s been our joy to write The InnKeeper for fifteen years now. Sure it’s a lot of work, but as we always say, if you enjoy what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life—and we love what we’re doing! We’re featuring marriage this month. Our story is about a couple who didn’t make it. But that doesn’t have to be you! Investing in your spouse communicates that he/she is your gift. Anything worthwhile takes effort. If you’ve gotten off track, the tips we’ve shared for a healthy marriage can give you just the jump start you need.

De-Stressing Your Life (Part 3) outlines additional aspects of good health practices in order to reduce the stresses of life. We hope you enjoy our HealthPoint article and that it gives you “food for thought” as you read about this vital topic.

As we said, it’s our joy to write the IK, and we’d love to get this message of grace into as many homes as possible. If you know someone who would appreciate receiving a free subscription to our publication, just let us know, and we’ll be happy to add them to our list! Many Blessings,

Faith Family Ministries 4011 Fenworth CourtFort Mill, SC 29715Locations in SC & GA 803.554.HOPE (4673) ffm@faithfamily.net - www.faithfamily.net

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