This Page is chumma left blank.

Just like that

Continue reading further at

your own risk

Dedicated to my future wife

who I think,

Would be strong enough to

put up with me

Here’s what the first critics (victims) had to say:

“A piece of cra# that you would discover

to be irrevocably irresistible and insanely

irritable all at the same time!”

“Mudila” thanni….thanni….!

“The most horrifying way to philosophical

illumination. Ever”

“ Gimme more !”

PS : I did not influence or write any of the above

DISCLAIMER

The following pages contain explicit mokkai*

content deemed dangerous for the living and the

non-living** alike. The content hereof is intended

purely for fun, not as a pun but for some bun***.

The author uses a techno-tanglish slang in the book

which might intimidate some people. But

nevertheless it guarantees complete entertainment

in a while(1) loop. Some terms for which a wiki

exists are linked to enable purposeful reading. But

have a watch on you straying out from there. The

author also has an uncanny ability to put

brackets**** and brackets within that. So an advice

would be to read them as a compiler would do.

*If you still did not know about it, you will discover in due course of the book

**The non-living can also be disturbed by the impulsive actions of the reader

*** Bun is a colloquial (non-urban) slang for getting a mokkai*

****In the true literal sense, of course

CLAIMER

This is a work of Mokkai. There might be some faint

resemblances of hearing some instances somewhere

as Mokkai is Universal energy and it is neither

created nor destroyed (while it can destroy things)

but can be transformed from one form to another.

The holy intention of the mokkascript (read

manuscript) is to conserve and preserve the droplets

of nectar for the future generation to read and

unleash the potential (as instructed by my spiritual

master Mr.Koundamani in one of his discourses)

This work can be considered as a starting point of

much more torture to come. Along with my mokkai-

mate (guru, inspiration) Bala @BMW, I would like

embark on this holy crusade. Technically,

mokkanically this is just an abstract of the bible yet

to unfold. So get ready to ESCAPE!

MOTIVATION

“Life is all about smiling till the last mile”

-some crazy bugger

This has been the primary purpose behind this

masterpiece (read comedy-piece). One good thing

about life is that you can get inspired by the subtlest

of things and subtle quality of yours can inspire

many. At the end of the day, make sure that you

have laughed your hearts out and in turn make

others smile. But when I try to do the latter, in my

own way, the world terms it mokkai, but I do feel

cool about it and that’s what makes the difference.

The secondary and tertiary mottos involve around

instilling fear and a feeling of helplessness,

haplessness and hopelessness into people, helping

them understand what it means to be a real

scapegoat. Sounds oxymoronic right? Read on to

discover the other end of the book cover!

CUTTINGS and VETTINGS

How easy is it to be a Butter Cutter?

Suprabhatam @ 6

Monday Morning Blues: Mystery solved!

The „M‟ word

Classifieds

Social NOTworking

The Weakest Sex

Sets Relations and Functions

Past, Present and Future

SMS and Shakespeare

Smileys and Sarcasm

Aunty-Mokkai Group

Connecting the Dots! Making a Kolam!

ICU-AMT

How easy is it to be a Butter Cutter?

Have you ever imagined a job where in you are

required to be a butter cutter (Venna Vetti)? Simple

and obvious it might seem, but there are complex

intricacies involved tan imagined. Consider cutting

butter better to be a real-time embedded system.

There are sensors and actuators involved along with

zero-delay scheduling and real-time feedback. The

sharpness (rather bluntness) of the knife, the angle

of incidence on the butter cake, the force applied,

the extent of softness of the butter, the ambient

temperature, the psychopathic state of the cutter

are just a very few important parameters to be

considered while cutting a butter without a jitter.

People say, “It is a cake-walk for this person to do

this job”. I would just like you to close your eyes for

a moment (But before that finish reading this

sentence :P), slow down your breathing and imagine

yourselves walking on a ice topped chocolate forest

cake! Through the sticky mushy cream jelling all

along your feet and the loss of friction that would

make fall all over making it a La’Eggina style!

Now, how does that feel? I am sure half of you

would have felt disgusted, half thinking about their

partners during the walk and the rest half (including

me) about tasting the cake while skimming through.

So cake walk is not really so. It needs utmost care

attitude and concentration to accomplish any simple

job. There were actually three halves and it is not a

math err as we know from our childhood days that

nothing can be cut into equal parts when sharing

with siblings; with your share always larger.

So it’s not at all an easy job being a butter cutter or

being anything for that matter.

Suprabhatam @ 6

My septuagenarian grandmother’s onnu vitta chithi

came to visit her for a week. Every morning from

Monday to Sunday, she switches on the TV for

listening to the Suprabhatam sharp at six. It is that

time of the morning when you are in semi-awake

state, still wanting to snug up in bed with the perfect

dream hovering around you. You self-portray

yourself as the hero and all your crushes come flying

to you. And suddenly you are startled with this

super voice of MS at high volume that even gods

would spring up from their beds in heaven. Being a

guest and an elder woman, I did not want to hurt

her sentiments that she has been practicing right

from when the radio came to India. At the same

time I did not want to start this way either; waking

up startled. I tried the following algorithms.

Monday night (after all had retired to bed): Pushed

the TV remote under the sofa making it look like it

had fallen down naturally.

Tuesday morning (very early): Somehow, she figured

it out and I sprang up from bed, bidding a hasty bye

to my angel in dream.

Tuesday night: Switched OFF the TV mains and slept

peacefully with the satisfaction of an

accomplishment.

Wednesday (very very early): She had my dad ON

the system for her. Mission failed.

Wednesday night: Thinking of playing it defensively.

Heavy sound-proofing with two cotton rolls. Plus an

extra pillow to cover the ears.

Thursday morning: No use, sound travels even

through tough barricades and the brain is such a

receptive mode. God save me!

Thursday night: Unplugged the cable connection

from behind and slipped into my blanket

Response: Holy Marconi! The radio was on and

buzzing out even louder than the TV

Friday night: Tomorrow is the weekend and I want

to sleep peacefully till the sun is at an angle of

incidence of 75 degrees. In addition to unplugging

the cable connection, I silently hide the radio in my

cupboard.

Saturday morning: The voice of the angel in my

dream suddenly changed frequency. No! It was my

grand mom’s onnu vitta chithi. She said in a gentle

voice, “Kanna, inda radio enga pochunu therila,

konjam eduthu thandutu thoongu pa. I won’t

disturb you later”. Exasperated, I said to myself,

“Why this kolaveri!!”

I thought a lot the whole day Saturday as I had

nothing else to do. Sunday was special (more

colorful dreams, with scenes adapted from the

movie I watched on sat night). After a long and

thoughtful thinking process, I discovered the perfect

winning algorithm that would not break my sleep.

It was…. To get up myself at 5:45 AM! I had to

accept defeat and I was helpless, I was cornered.

Monday Morning Blues: Mystery solved!

Most of us, almost all of us suffer from a

phenomenon called Monday morning blues.

Everything seems lost, the brain doesn’t crank and it

feels like heaven to be in bed. There is no simple

interest leave alone compound interest on anything

and doing nothing feels most soothing. But how do

we get over it? Can something be done about it at

all?

Let us approach this as a scientific problem, look at

the postulates, then get into root cause analysis and

finally arrive at a best possible solution considering

the tradeoffs. This is then very very very very

cumbersome and might a separate book in itself.

I shall teach you a simple but effective technique for

now to drive away Monday morning blues. On a

Sunday night, write this on a piece of white paper

with black ink, “Monday blue, come next week” and

stick it near the calendar. Monday blue being

disciplined and subjected to the laws of English;

would read, understand and wait till next week until

infinity. Additionally you can chant this too: “Monday, Monday (blue silent) go away

Don’t Eat my Manday”

The ‘M’ word

“Thoughts are idiosyncrasies of brain waves and

Mokkai is a manifestation of the Manasu! “

The word unlike others is self-explanatory.

Whenever you type the word in any word editor,

you see a red saw underlining it. This exactly is the

meaning of this all pervasive self-intelligent word.

It’s not the saw as in see-saw but a collection of

blunt blade jokes that can make your face turn red

with pain, anger or agony or helplessness or

whatever you would like to term it.

The saw symbolizes monotony dryness and agony

and the red symbolizes blood. So now that you got

to know the real meaning someone might counter it

by saying, “all words unrecognizable to the

dictionary come as unrecognized, and even your

name for that matter- Bharath”. The point is that

mokkai has the underlining symbolism perfectly in

sync with its logical meaning. Now that I have added

it to my dictionary it wouldn’t highlight itself further

and I would recommend you also to do the same

and get accustomed to it. I know you are beginning

to boil. That’s the way to go.

Classifieds

“There is a thin line in between a great philosophy

and a horrible mokkai and it is a null pointer!”

Mokkai is always a class apart (pakkathu class) and

each one of them is used exactly to affect the

emotional balance of the others with severity

inversely proportional to the quality.

The human brain, over the ages has evolved a

classification algorithm that works on statistical

comparison and measurement analysis of real-time

data. Similar classification is very subtle and difficult

in the case of mokkai as there no measuring

parameter as such. This is because one cannot

ideally measure how agonized one is as there is no

ISI unit. At the broadest level, mokkai is termed as

mokkai , kaatu mokkai , kodura mokkai and marana

mokkai in the order of increasing BP of the receptor

victim. This classification at no point in time or

frequency can be compared to the classification of

dosas (sada, special sada, plain, masala etc). But any

dosa is always a dosa and so does mokkai .

“Mokkai is a weapon of mass destruction. It can

make people weep to exaggerate the least”

Social NOTworking

Social Networking has eventually transformed the

way humans interact. It has brought together our

friends and acquaintances from the various times

and spheres of life. On the flip side, we have been

taken a time travel back to the cave man’s era. The

cave may not be a physical one as such but we have

been successful in creating a virtual mirage of what

we actually are NOT.

So, on an average everyone has some hundreds of

friends connected. But you wouldn’t need a 16-bit

counter to count the real close friends whom you

want to stay connected with. Imagine someone

whom you never wanted to chat just pinged you

(may be by mistake). A glimpse of the conversation

is depicted below:

A: Hi dude ! (Oh no! Did I just ping this guy by

mistake?)

B: Hi macha ! (Does macha transform to dude in the

US, useless bugger)

(After some strange minutes of awkward silence when

both look for “….is typing “ )

A: Wassup dude? Lifes @ its best here at the you-yess

B: (thinks did any1 asked him but says) Here all is well.

Eating delicious mom’s food lazying b4 d tv

A: Cool ( misses mom’s food actually for a sec). The

chicks are hot here.

B: (Evanda avan kadla poda vidama noy noyyunu )

After some 10 minutes or so….

A: (feeling happy to conclude the conversation says)

catch u l8r dude, gotta go ice skating

B: (Aala vidra saami ) Bye da. Tc chill

And I am in a way very much dependent on social

networking to help reach out this book to millions.

Sounds oxymoronic right! That is what the book is all

about. A wishful contradiction of contradictions, a

disguised benediction with no jurisdiction or

prediction making a viral addiction-vicks action! The

whole point is… Aaniya pudunga vendam! (Is

someone gets it right in the first go, except of course

Mr TR, you can come and claim one jeeraga mittai

from me!)

The Weakest Sex

A selective disclaimer with emphasis on complete

non-generalization is applied here with immediate

effect (and this is not a two-line thought) .

The weaker sex is called weaker because it is not

weak. There is also a class of people called the

“weakest sex” and that is men, the measuring

criteria being mental strength, psychological

stamina along with a little physical strength. Women

have a complex neural network that analyses, thinks

and keeps on thinking (don’t know for what?) even

while reading this.

They employ a complex algorithm to filter through

and to arrive at (with fair amount of doubts) at

someone who is faintly close to a perfect

companion. They also employ a continuous

evaluation protocol as in our educational system to

rank guys.

As someone very rightly said,”Holding your

girlfriend’s hand and walking in a mall may seem

romantic to the passersby but only you know it in

your heart that is economical that way”!

And friends around you usually work as spark plugs

in helping in ignite your passion (not the bike).

Depending on the environmental conditions, at one

hand, this can lead to a smooth power stroke while

on the other a dead heat exhausting fumes and

black smoke all around. “Macha, ava onnaye

paakura da” (Dude, she is looking at you through the

corner of her eyes). How many times and how many

guys have fallen to this? The list is endless. And if

someone smiles at you even from a far distance,

there would be cascade of imagination running all

over, with everything looking beautiful all of a

sudden and you begin proclaiming,” Macha, ava

devadai da “.

As philosopher AJ, rightly says,” the things that we

want to forget are the ones that hover around and

haunt us”.

Sets Relations and Functions (not math)

While pondering about relationships and their

dynamism, I stumbled upon this piece of work called

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I had a

great revelation (You Yes of A la kooda ipdi daan

sanda poduvaanga pola. It was not this OK). But by

the time I was able to apply this real-time, I was

single and when I managed to find somebody, I

forgot what I had to do. Now I know what is running

in your mind, “This guy is definitely from Saturn”!

I was thinking to myself, what if someone comes up

with a flawless algorithm for handling relationships

with all contingency plans in place? A universal law

like Newton’s kind of stuff for men and women (of

course different different ones) to readily adapt into

day-today-tomorrow lives.

I was thinking why not me? With all these years of

zero experience, I thought I could take up the task of

framing the laws and become famous like Newton!

Brat’s laws of cupid! It sounded cool in my dreams.

But when I started penning down, they became one

too many and I thought it would run to volumes.

People would rather loathe me rather than praise

me. The greatest learning that I garnered during this

strenuous process is this realization “We are all

flawed by design!” So no matter what all laws we

make, they would NOT be applicable to everyone

everywhere every time.

People feel that they need a person who would be

able to love the way they are, what they originally

are. “You be yourself. You don’t have to change

yourself for me”. This is the signal that a huge storm

is awaiting to unleash itself. Better be at your feet.

This is definitely a true and genuine desire. But to be

together for a lifetime requires a bit more than that.

A little bit of adjustment, adaptation does nothing

wrong is what I feel. Let loose and don’t freak out.

After all, the world runs on give and take policy.

There is always a trade off in everything in life. The

extent of this to an acceptable limit is what is

important.

The whole point is each one of us unique, different

and special. The DNAs want to boast about their

mathematical and quantum probabilistic abilities of

creating same but different individuals I suppose.

Everyone of us who is/was/will be in a relationship

feels/felt/would feel that their companion is

complex, strange, crude, opaque and all the strong

adjectives. Please remember this holy saying and

you know what you can actually write it down on a

poster and frame it in your bedroom. “When you

truly love somebody, it overshadows all differences

and you become someone in their lives that no one

can become”. I can guarantee you that by the time

you finish reading this, you would be yawning.

OK, all said and done. Two most significant words to

take back (excluding the ‘of’ of course).

ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE.

Your life will willfully become better than what it is!

Past, Present and Future

If you think about what people might think about the

how and why of your thinking, you would cease to.

-A kinky thinker

We always feel that history is pleasant. While

working college feels like heaven and when we are

in college, school days were more joyous and

ecstatic. According to leading neuro- psychiatrists,

this phenomenon (Not Rajeev Menon) can be

attributed to the selective memory syndrome

coupled with a right-skewed selective recollection

algorithm incorporated in our brains.

What stays back as memories are the ones that

made us feel happy, sad, top of the world, bottom of

the ocean etc. This, when carefully analyzed and

plotted mathematically, has the potential to crush

the central limit theorem. From the super figure

below, we can see that it is a kavunda mani! (Adade

Aachariya kuri ). In simple English, an inverted bell

curve.

No one likes to be lectured. At home, at office, or

even at college. But lecturing when it comes to free,

fresh advice, everyone is into it. A senior guy would

go preaching; one must find your true calling…blah

… People found two effective ways of telling him,

Dude, take a breather. One of them would murmur

from the back bench, “True calling is OK, now your

wife is calling you on your phone. If it becomes a

missed call, your missus will misunderstand it”.

Someone else would mute him,” First attend your

natures’ call”. But he was right and we knew it. Just

that we did not want it to be emphasized.

It really is important to find your purpose in life. But

it is not like; you go sit and meditate in a silent hall,

with incense fragrance and then proclaim Eureka

Eureka! It is the stronger of the strongest urge to

make a dent in the universe as Mr. Jobs would put it.

You would discover this at some point in time and

when are through, there is no looking back.

Always remember, “You need to discover yourself

coz, you cannot invent yourself!”

SMS and Shakespeare

The single greatest advancement in literature, post

the Shakespearean era that can be termed

‘dramatic’ is the evolution of the SMS language.

Where each extra character means money and

increased typing effort (we all love to use shortcuts

and remain lazy), human race has evolved in2 dis

btfl era.LOL . With no reference dictionary, this is

extraordinary. A geek says, “This can be thought of

as the output that you would get when you pass

whole words into Winzip or Winrar! “. That sums it

all. Depending on the extent of compression and the

quality, the message is (mis)interpreted.

The most annoying part of this is that everyone has

a self dictionary and feels that to be intuitively best.

According to scientists doing research in this

field,”This is very tiresome for the brain. The whole

statistical text prediction algorithm based on the

natural language processing has to be modified

every time one finds the same word represented in

a different way.”What he is telling? (Vadivelu style) I

never got what he wanted to say, did any one of you

get it? By the way Mr.Vadivelu is a stalwart in this

field of entertaining the masses though in the

process he sustains certain amount of damage to his

body and image.

When I first saw all these wds Ttul, ttun, nop, rofl ,

toefl, trol, so many like these on my mobile, I never

could figure out what they meant. From assuming

them to be typos, to forming my own meanings out

of them, I was scratching my head. I could not get

the courage to ask back the sender what they meant

coz that would imply that I did not belong to the

new youth generation.

So, the task is cut out straight. A formation of a

standard dictionary with all these dwarfed rebels is

the mandate. This would establish itself as a

reference manual. Intuitiveness, universal

acceptability, considerably low annoyance index are

the fundamental design factors involved.

Smileys and Sarcasm

Smileys are the best things to have happened in this

SMS era. They endeavor to enforce emotions into

seemingly simple combinations of cluttered words.

The amazing part is that they almost always succeed

with finesse. They have the power to alter the whole

setting, context with which the sender intends. A

simple analogy illustrates the effect:

Boy: U r such an idiot ;-) :P

Gal: Mad abt u! So sweet of u

Boy: U r such an idiot!! :X :(

Gal: And you are such a jerk @$$^#0!^

The words above are the same, but with smileys

around them, they convey completely opposite

meanings.

The :P smiley is my favorite and I keep wondering

how this came into actual existence. But I can’t

imagine rolling out my tongue every time I use it. It

also becomes too funny to think of people with their

tongues out captured in the ultra-slow motion like

they show a chameleon on TV, preying on a

relatively good-looking and innocent insect.

Aunty-Mokkai Group

“Even if you do wrong, you need to do it right”

In the recent past, there have been huge uprisings

and revolts to counter the rise of the planet of the

mokkais. Rumors and legend has it that a secret

society similar to the Priory of the Scion is working

undergrounds to tarnish the power of mokkai. In

fact there are two divisions into them. While one

tries to go in the path of non-violence by replying

with logic to every mokkai unleashed until there is

no more mokkai left, the other rebellious group tries

to counter a mokkai with one that is more deadly

that the former becomes insignificant.

I have only one thing to say: Sappa fellows; in either

case mokkai is the clear winner!

PS: The title was chosen just to garner interest of

the reader and it has nothing to do with the poor

serial-watchers (killers)

Connecting the Dots! Making a Kolam!

People who have exercised their patience in

reaching till point of the book might feel disjointed

about the non-homogeneousness in the chapters

and diagonally perpendicular content. To make it

feel psychologically appealing, this chapter is titled

connecting the dots or in tam, “Kolam Poduvathu”

(Yea, Yeah the Rangoli stuff). All the content are

random ramblings of a process running in a while (2)

loop in my mind.

Though, this does not prevent you from drawing a

beautiful kolam by connecting the various aspects of

life. And by chance, as most probably it would be

the case, if it turns out to be an ugly one, I don’t

claim responsibility!

I have actually tried to infuse humor into things of

great significance in ours and our neighbor’s life.

Right from when we get up, the human thought

process, the work we do and the one that we really

want to, the people we meet, the one’s that stay

and the one’s that never a part of us, life throws

upon us a dynamic mixture of opportunities and

interfaces. It is a means to depict sense in a non-

sense way as you might have already discovered.

Adding more metal to the cohesion, go have a look

at Chemistry textbooks’ or any other textbooks’

content page. As I vaguely recall, the most dreaded

subject at school had these chapters:

Electrochemistry, Chemical kinetics, Surface chemistry,

the periodic table elements, Coordination compounds.

(Don’t worry none of the above are hyperlinks). Is there

a faint synchronization between them? Assuming

my effort to be a textbook, it justifies the structure!

Uff! If you still feel that you are not satisfied with my

argument, then go jump from the lower basement!

ICU-AMT

International Conference on Universal

Advancements in Mokkai Technology

You would have tried really hard and pichified your

head to connect the dots and found it utterly

difficult make sense out of this non-sense. So, here

comes the real agenda of this endeavor.

- To form a common platform to inform

people about this reform and faint them

without even a chloroform.

- To bring in all knowledge from everywhere

and make a bible kinda thing for unification

of our race.

- Vera vela illa, ena we are vetti all time

The world needs to be united over this profound

social uprising. A forum (~mall) has to be established

for culmination of all the practitioners of this holy

trade from every corner of the planet (don’t tell me

it’s a sphere) and even beyond if possible. This

would eventually establish itself into a superpower

consortium of indestructible prowess and

propensity and indomitable authority.

We would like to organize this congress by inviting

speakers, mics and headphones oops, not these, the

m-speakers, m-paperists, m-loggers and the m-

bookists from all across to present and postsent

their experiments with the M-word. Taking into

considerations the high potential of natural

destruction, we plan to organize it in the nada of the

Bermuda triangle where even the tsunami has a high

probability of getting lost.

A leading Mokka fellow (Read IEEE fellow) feels

elated about this and exclaims, “mokkai has become

an integral part of my vaazhkai, like my edathu kai

and valathu kai”. Can anyone beat it? The good

news is that its all free and much more, all the

accepted papers would be indexed in I-bruce-lee

and OCM (OC Mokkai(I still can’t figure out how OC

came into existence in the tamil literature(if

someone knows write back to me(and take it easy

and see if you get out of the brackets alive)))). In

addition to the above, they would also be published

in odanju-pona-spring publications.

How do we plan to run this extravaganza? Obviously

there will casualties and they will have to be

admitted in the ICU and AMT will be collected from

them and now you know the strategic significance of

the name. There is nothing in the world without a

reason except reason itself.

We have strategically tied up with a country

hospital. The doors of the conference room will be

locked and people in would be subjected to pure

non-sense with high intensity over long periods of

time until a breaking point is detected. When people

are able to visualize death, they live. Very profound

isn’t it.

Papers and Mokkascripts are invited in the area of:

Blood in Ear Technology

Mokkai Sensor Networks

Heat and Mokkai Transfer

Mokkatronics

Control systems (not preferred)

M-Android

Artificial Mentalligence

Our Bladinum Sponsors:

My-sparrow-also-soft

Benana Networks (The real Kelara banana)

Kadikkada aapil

555555 networks (aaru-anju)

Neela mani technologies (Blubell)

DO NOT THINK

THAT ITS ALL OVER

THE HAUNTED

SHALL AGAIN BE HAUNTED

Send in your comments

or anything that you

would like to say to

s.bharath@live.com

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http://www.facebook.com/bharath.sridhar

or

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