lila dadlani

Exercising My Brain; A New Way of Learning

Lila Dadlani

Dr.Horton

English 1101

12/8/11

English 1101 Final Portfolio Project Title

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Quality Comparison ...........................................................................................................................

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................4

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................6

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................9

Revision Samples ...............................................................................................................................

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................11

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................13

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................15

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................17

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................19

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................23

1

December 8, 2010 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677

My name is Lila Dadlani and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. From the

beginning of the semester, until now, I have mastered a completely new style of writing. It was frustrating and overwhelming at times, but ultimately, I enjoyed success at the end of each challenging assignment. I remained motivated throughout the course and I put a lot of time and effort into my papers and essays. I approached each assignment like a project that I continued to critique to perfection to the best of my ability. As a result, I feel a dramatic transformation in my writing. I enjoyed the course very much, not only because I was academically successful, but ultimately because the challenge seemed to be just enough for me. It became fun when I began to understand a new way of writing that I had never been exposed to before. I have gathered some of my most successful papers and one of my least successful papers, and I’ve organized them into this portfolio in order to display my progress since the beginning of the semester. I revised several of my past assignments as a result of my advancement as far as my eye for corrections in my writing that I now can use to advance in English 1102 and for all other aspects of writing in my life. Close to the end of the semester, I now feel that I can declare that, for me personally, the key to this course is to pay attention to detail and to go above and beyond to get your point across. I learned how to develop an elaborate process of explaining something not only to make the reader understand what you’re saying, but to ultimately agree with you as well. The improvements of what I initially struggled with evidently disappear through this portfolio. The transformations didn’t come immediately, but gradually they’ve made me into a brand new writer.

My least successful article response was “Prolong An Inescapable Fate”. This was the first article response of the semester and I still had a lot to learn. My biggest challenge with this piece was keeping my eye for detail. I made several mistakes in the set-up of my article response and I even spelled the author’s name incorrectly throughout the entire paper. I forgot to italicize the name of the magazine, from which I received the article I was using, in the citation at the top of the paper. I also forgot to leave a space in between the two paragraphs. These things may not directly affect the content of my paper, but that kind of carelessness makes it easy to make content mistakes as well. For example, while I was doing my revision I noticed that there were a few word choices that didn’t sound just right. I feel that I did succeed at formatting the paragraphs correctly because the first paragraph explained the author’s point of view and the second paragraph explained why his point of view was culturally significant. I accomplished the standards, but I didn’t explain the content in a creative way, as I did in further assignments throughout the semester. The mistakes that I made in this article response seemed very obvious as I corrected them after acquiring my new writing skills throughout the semester. I never made these mistakes again after Dr. Horton brought them to my attention. This article response taught

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me to pay more attention to the small details as well as the content of the paper. This skill has become a good habit and helps me avoid small mistakes that make all the difference in an assignment. This article response probably still isn’t perfect, but I feel that it accurately displays the progress that I have made since the beginning of the semester as a new college student with no prior knowledge of college English. My most successful article response was “Inevitable Monster.” This paper was one of the last article responses I wrote during the semester after I had acquired more experiences and new English writing skills. Although I feel that this was one of my better pieces of writing, there were still mistakes that I discovered while doing my revision. The first problem that noticed while revising my paper was in the very first sentence. The opening sentence of a paragraph should always dive into the main purpose of writing. The purpose of the first paragraph was to explain the author’s point of view, but I wrote “David Eagleman acknowledges quite a disturbing reality.” Although this statement is true, and perfectly sufficient to use in my article response, I didn’t feel that it was appropriate for my first sentence, so I changed it to “David Eagleman questions the technical definition of “free will” in terms of the psychological situations of criminals.” I moved the prior opening sentence to the second paragraph where it flowed better. A habit that I don’t believe I broke until the end of the semester was the use of “this” or “that” to define a subject in a sentence. Dr. Horton would confuse me when he would read my papers and ask me, “What is this?” but having practiced all semester, I feel that I have finally gotten used to explaining what I am referring to, thus improving my writing. There were also a couple small grammar mistakes that I seem to have misses the first time that I wrote the article response. I felt more confident than usual when I wrote this article response, but after going back and revising it, I’ve realized that I need to re-read and revise even more than I do before submitting assignments because it is so easy to make small mistakes.

My most successful article essay was “To Choose or Not to Choose; That is the Question.” I really enjoyed writing the article essays because I feel that they were the ultimate challenges of this course. “To Choose or Not to Choose; That is the Question” was the second of the two that I wrote this semester. Although I feel that the first one that I composed contained quality content, I believe that this one achieved the goal of the required organization and structure displayed in the Parts of an Essay directions posted on the course website. Before revising this essay, I went back and reviewed Dr. Horton’s comments again. I earned an 86 on this essay, but he stated that the beginning and ending needed work, and after reading back through it, I couldn’t agree more. I know now that the first sentence of an article essay should start with a specific eye catching detail, such as a quote from the article. I’ve now naturally learned to make the opening sentence of any essay solid and concrete, not vague or opinionated. My first sentence initially included the name of the article and the author’s name, but I changed it to an essential quote from the article that inspired my essay. I believed the quote to be more efficient because it draws the audience in more than the title of the essay. Although I removed that information from the first sentence, I added it to the end of the opening paragraph because it was still important. I’ve noticed that I sometimes have the habit of inserting useless information because I think that it will further enhance the point I’m trying to get across, but after rereading my essay I realized that there were some statements that needed to be removed because they were irrelevant and off topic. In my closing sentence, I also noticed that I said the same thing twice in a different way. After taking the English 1101 course, it’s easier for me to recognize

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when I over-explain the point I’m trying to make. Now, I can make my point effectively by being straightforward.

I feel that I have improved in my writing in countless new ways since taking the English 1101 course, but I do know that I have much more to learn and improve on. For example, I feel that I have mastered the ability to point out what needs to be included in specific paragraphs, but I need to work on organizing my sentences in a way that makes it easy for the reader to grasp what purpose that I’m trying to communicate. After reading back through old assignments that I thought were complete, I also feel that I should work on being more direct and clear about the points that I am trying to convey. I feel that I’ve been successful at getting a point across without including my point of view, but I know that I do it with struggle. During my article responses and article essays, I constantly found myself deleting paragraphs because once I mentioned something that related to solely to my point of view, the paper would become off topic. Although I stayed on top of it and made sure never to submit an assignment that included that mistake, it always seems to be something I struggle with while writing. I’m making it a goal of mine to reach the writing skill level where I can write naturally, without having to go back and fix the mistakes that I’m aware that I’m making. I plan to continue practicing writing the way Dr. Horton has taught me and to use the skills that I have acquired when I advance to English 1102.

I have always given my, one hundred percent, best effort in this class because I’ve been so motivated. There have been times in my academic career that I know that I’ve lost my determination, but English 1101 isn’t one of them. I know that effort isn’t what makes a grade, but for me, in this class it does. I was completely overwhelmed after we received our first assignment because I’ve always been good at writing but I was learning something brand new. I knew that if I wanted to be successful in this class it was going to take a lot of hard work. The course website worked to my benefit tremendously throughout the course. I felt as though you have given us the complete instructions for every assignment, so I knew that I was going to use that to my advantage. With every assignment that I’ve completed, including this one, I’ve had the appropriate instructions open and I’ve followed those as a guideline to be sure that what I was composing was accurate. I feel that I deserve an A. I don’t necessarily feel that I deserve the grade of a 100, because I know that at my writing level, I am still very prone to making small mistakes, even after reading through my paper several times. I do know that I understand the new skills that you’ve taught me, but in the beginning I wasn’t sure exactly how to write in this new way. I wouldn’t say that my writing is perfect, but I strongly believe it is A worthy. Thank you for reviewing my portfolio, but mostly thank you for helping me to grow in my writing.

Sincerely, Lila V. Dadlani

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Least Successful Article Response

Prolong An Inescapable Fate

Berry, Wendell. “Faustian Economics: Hell Hath No Limits.” Harper’s Magazine. The Harper's

Magazine Foundation, May 2008. Web. 18 Aug. 2011.

Windle Berry wants us to understand that we, as a society, are destroying the world we

live in due to our naive perspective that we are “limitless”. Everything has limits and to believe

otherwise is ignorant and dangerous. Berry defends this by pointing out our economy’s current

unrestrained consumptiveness and the unsatisfied desire to discover and improve everything

about our natural world, thus ruining it. Berry believes that we are losing sight of our cultural

morals, only concerned with reconstructing what has already been advanced, simply to attempt

to better it again. This is a result of the fascination of enlarging human knowledge and power.

Windle Berry stresses that limits don’t need to be considered confinements by reminding us of

the arts. He demonstrates that art doesn’t need limits, it enhances within its accepted boundaries

and when it’s finished, it is satisfied. He also points out our animal nature, implying that we are

very capable of surviving within natural limits; therefore we ought to be content living inside of

them. Berry’s ultimate message is that, “We must learn again to ask how we can make the most

of what we are, what we have, what we have been given.”

The idea Windle Berry has to offer about the pending end to our current era is extremely

significant. He recognizes an uncomfortable truth, while most are blind to this actuality. He

reminds us of how our culture has transformed in a negative way without anyone noticing, or

willing to make a change because it’s too bothersome. Everyone should consider Windle’s

insight because it’s a reality that will affect us all and we, the human race, are the only ones who

can make a difference. He addresses something that society has tried to escape, something they

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have always been determined to overcome. He challenges our American culture to remember

what’s important. He encourages us to stop looking past our limitations, and grasp the beauty of

what we contain within them. Windle advises us to reevaluate our priorities and ponder what’s

worth destroying what we have left. Most importantly, he emphasizes that we can only start

again with what remains, and whichever way we turn, we will find a limit. It would be wise to

avoid confronting these limits at the rate we’re going. The human race needs to accept Windle’s

message because in the end it could prolong our inescapable fate.

6

Most Successful Article Response

Inevitable Monster

Eagleman, David. "The Brain on Trial."The Atlantic.

The Atlantic Monthly Group, Jul./Aug. 2011. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.

David Eagleman acknowledges quite a disturbing reality. He questions the technical

definition of “free will” in terms of the psychological situations of criminals. Medical studies

have proven that an individual loses the control of his actions and sometimes even the control of

his thoughts after being diagnosed with many types of brain disorders such as Parkinson’s

disease and Schizophrenia. Eagleman believes these dilemmas are more common beyond

diseases such as these. He claims that our drives and behaviors are due to our genetic blueprints.

He notes, “..We are not the ones steering the boat of our behavior, at least not nearly as much as

we believe. Who we are runs well below the surface of our conscious access...” The theory that

Eagleman challenges is that “Human behavior is not separate from human biology.” Therefore,

he questions where the fine line lies between “bad choices” that deserve punishment, such as the

death penalty or several years in prison, and “psychological challenges” that require medical

assistance.

David Eagleman’s point is extremely significant and relevant in our culture today. He stresses

that there are characteristics in our genes that we may inherit or inevitably adapt such as a brain

tumor in the amygdala (involved in emotional regulation). He points out that “The overwhelming

majority of prisoners carry these genes; 98.1 percent of death-row inmates do. These statistics

alone indicate that we cannot presume that everyone is coming to the table equally equipped in

terms of drives and behaviors.” This creates a challenge for the legal system because they must

determine if he/she is blameworthy; if it’s the convict’s fault or their biology’s fault. People are

7

being imprisoned within their own minds causing them to do and think things that they normally

wouldn’t. The last thing that would be of some assistance to their impossible dilemma is physical

imprisonment. Getting them the help that they need, such as in a psychological institution would

serve the same purpose as locking them away from the world as far as society’s safety is

concerned. David Eagleman reminds us to look beyond what’s scary and acknowledge what is

not only real, but inevitable.

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What’s the Difference?

The article that I chose for my most successful article response was "The Brain on Trial”

by David Eagleman. I received the highest grade of the semester of a nine out of ten on this

article response. I feel that the grade was well deserved because I believe that I mastered

Dr.Horton’s desired article response structure. The paper was organized into two paragraphs, the

first one explaining the writer’s point of view, and the second discussing how it is relevant to our

culture today. I also managed to properly set up my article response, including specific spaces

required between sections, a proper citation and a valid link to my article. I used proper

grammar and spelling throughout the article response. Although I remembered all of these

tedious essentials, there were a few things that I now feel could have improved my paper. For

example, after my paper had been submitted and graded, I noticed that the very first sentence of

my article response was a bit opinionated and general. There were also a few word choices that I

should’ve have changed in order to make the sentences flow better. There were things that

could’ve improved this article response, but overall I believe it to be some of my better writing.

The article that I chose for my least successful article response was “Faustian Economics:

Hell Hath No Limits” by Wendell Berry. I received the lowest grade of my article responses of

an eight out of ten on my first one. I feel that the paper was well written, but there were a few

obvious mistakes. For example, my paper was formatted correctly as far as the organization of

my two paragraphs discussing the appropriate topics, but I forgot a space between the

paragraphs. I used the correct citation, but I forgot to italicize the title of the magazine from

which the source came from as it is indicated in the article response instructions. Although my

grammar and spelling were accurate, I noticed that I did use the terms “this” or “that” as the

subject in many sentences, where my word choice should’ve been better defined. I also spelled

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the writer’s first name wrong throughout the paper, which makes my article response seem less

professional, due to careless mistakes. This was my very first article response and I can evidently

notice my dramatic progress since the beginning of the semester.

11





Wendell Windle Berry wants us to understand that we, as a society, are destroying the

world we live in due to our naive perspective that we are “limitless”. Everything has limits and to

believe otherwise is ignorant and dangerous. Berry defends this his point of view by pointing out

our economy’s current unrestrained consumptiveness and the unsatisfied desire to discover and

improve everything about our natural world, thus ruining it. Berry believes that we are losing

sight of our cultural morals, only concerning ourselvesed with reconstructing what has already

been advanced, simply to attempt to better improve it again. This is a result of the fascination of

enlarging human knowledge and power. Wendell Windle Berry stresses that limits don’t need to

be considered confinements by reminding us of the arts. He demonstrates that art doesn’t need

limits, it enhances within its accepted boundaries and when it’s finished, it is satisfied. He also

points out our animal nature, implying that we are very capable of surviving within natural

limits; therefore we ought to be content living inside of them. Berry’s ultimate message is that,

“We must learn again to ask how we can make the most of what we are, what we have, what we

have been given.”

The idea that Wendell Windle Berry has to offer about the pending end to our current era

is extremely significant to our culture today. He recognizes an uncomfortable truth, while most

are blind to this actuality. He Berry reminds us of how our culture has transformed in a negative

way without anyone noticing, or willing to make a change because it’s too bothersome. Everyone

should consider Windle’s Berry’s insight because it’s a reality that will affect us all and we, the

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [L1]: The article response writing instructions demonstrate an example of an appropriate citation that is required at the beginning of every article response. I failed to italicize the title of the magazine from which I found my source the first time. However, I have since learned how to look at a citation and immediately recognize when italics are missing. After Dr.H pointed out my mistake, my least successful article response was the only assignment throughout the course that I made this mistake.

Comment [L2]: The editing guide on the course website reminds me to re-read the content of my article, delete any “this” or “that” used as a subject of my sentence. I’ve learned to recognize this habit and specifically define what it is that I’m referring to.

Comment [L3]: I noticed that I spelled Wendell Berry’s first name incorrectly throughout the entire paper. This is an extremely careless mistake and it demonstrates unprofessionalism. I have now learned to take more time while writing papers and to more thoroughly look over them after I’m finished in order to avoid mistakes such as this.

Comment [L4]: While writing a response to one’s article, the writer should always refer to the author by last name. In this article response, I mistakenly referred to Wendell Berry by his first name a few times, and I have acknowledged that doing so is an unprofessional style of writing. Also, the fact that I varyingly referred to him by first name or by last name at different points throughout my article response demonstrated inconsistency.

12

human race, are the only ones who can make a difference. He addresses something that society

has tried to escape, something that they have always been determined to overcome. He

challenges our American culture to remember what is’s important. He encourages us to stop

looking past our limitations, and grasp the beauty of what we contain within them. BerryWindle

advises us to reevaluate our priorities and ponder what’s worth destroying what we have left.

Most importantly, he emphasizes that we can only start again with what remains, and whichever

way we turn, we will find a limit. It would be wise to avoid confronting these limits at the rate

we’re going. The human race needs to accept BerryWindle’s message because in the end it could

prolong our inescapable fate.

13





Wendell Windle Berry wants us to understand that we, as a society, are destroying the

world we live in due to our naive perspective that we are “limitless”. Everything has limits and to

believe otherwise is ignorant and dangerous. Berry defends this his point of view by pointing out

our economy’s current unrestrained consumptiveness and the unsatisfied desire to discover and

improve everything about our natural world, thus ruining it. Berry believes that we are losing

sight of our cultural morals, only concerning ourselvesed with reconstructing what has already

been advanced, simply to attempt to better improve it again. This is a result of the fascination of

enlarging human knowledge and power. Wendell Windle Berry stresses that limits don’t need to

be considered confinements by reminding us of the arts. He demonstrates that art doesn’t need

limits, it enhances within its accepted boundaries and when it’s finished, it is satisfied. He also

points out our animal nature, implying that we are very capable of surviving within natural

limits; therefore we ought to be content living inside of them. Berry’s ultimate message is that,

“We must learn again to ask how we can make the most of what we are, what we have, what we

have been given.”

The idea that Wendell Windle Berry has to offer about the pending end to our current era

is extremely significant to our culture today. He recognizes an uncomfortable truth, while most

are blind to this actuality. He Berry reminds us of how our culture has transformed in a negative

way without anyone noticing, or willing to make a change because it’s too bothersome. Everyone

should consider Windle’s Berry’s insight because it’s a reality that will affect us all and we, the

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [L1]: The article response writing instructions demonstrate an example of an appropriate citation that is required at the beginning of every article response. I failed to italicize the title of the magazine from which I found my source the first time. However, I have since learned how to look at a citation and immediately recognize when italics are missing. After Dr.H pointed out my mistake, my least successful article response was the only assignment throughout the course that I made this mistake.

Comment [L2]: The editing guide on the course website reminds me to re-read the content of my article, delete any “this” or “that” used as a subject of my sentence. I’ve learned to recognize this habit and specifically define what it is that I’m referring to.

Comment [L3]: I noticed that I spelled Wendell Berry’s first name incorrectly throughout the entire paper. This is an extremely careless mistake and it demonstrates unprofessionalism. I have now learned to take more time while writing papers and to more thoroughly look over them after I’m finished in order to avoid mistakes such as this.

Comment [L4]: While writing a response to one’s article, the writer should always refer to the author by last name. In this article response, I mistakenly referred to Wendell Berry by his first name a few times, and I have acknowledged that doing so is an unprofessional style of writing. Also, the fact that I varyingly referred to him by first name or by last name at different points throughout my article response demonstrated inconsistency.

14

human race, are the only ones who can make a difference. He addresses something that society

has tried to escape, something that they have always been determined to overcome. He

challenges our American culture to remember what is’s important. He encourages us to stop

looking past our limitations, and grasp the beauty of what we contain within them. BerryWindle

advises us to reevaluate our priorities and ponder what’s worth destroying what we have left.

Most importantly, he emphasizes that we can only start again with what remains, and whichever

way we turn, we will find a limit. It would be wise to avoid confronting these limits at the rate

we’re going. The human race needs to accept BerryWindle’s message because in the end it could

prolong our inescapable fate.

15

Formatted: Centered


Inevitable Monster



David Eagleman acknowledges quite a disturbing reality questions the technical






He notes, “.....We are not the ones steering the boat of our behavior, at least not nearly as much

as we believe. Who we are runs well below the surface of our conscious access...” The theory

that Eagleman challenges is that “Human behavior is not separate from human biology.”

Therefore, he questions where the fine line lies between “bad choices” that deserve punishment,

such as the death penalty or several years in prison, and “psychological challenges” that require

medical assistance.

David Eagleman’s point is extremely significant and relevant in our culture today. He

stresses that there are characteristics in our genes that we may inherit or inevitably adapt such as

a brain , tumor in the amygdala amygdala (involved in emotional regulation). He points out that

“The overwhelming majority of prisoners carry these genes; 98.1 percent of death-row inmates

do. These statistics alone indicate that we cannot presume that everyone is coming to the table

equally equipped in terms of drives and behaviors.” This discovery creates a challenge for the

legal system because they must determine if he/she is blameworthy; if it’s the convict’s fault or

Formatted

Comment [L1]: The first sentence of a paragraph should always explain exactly what the overall purpose of writing is.

Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"

Comment [L2]: The editing guide on the course website reminds us not to use vague words, such as this, as the subject of a sentence. Instead of replacing is, I added a better definable subject.

16

Formatted: Centered

their biology’s fault. Eagleman acknowledges the quite disturbing reality that pPeople are being

imprisoned within their own minds causing them to do and think things that they normally




concerned. David Eagleman reminds us to look beyond what is’s scary and acknowledge what is


Comment [L3]: I moved this from the first sentence of the article essay because it is explaining why the author’s point of view is culturally significant, rather than explaining what his point of view actually is.

17

Formatted: Centered


Inevitable Monster



David Eagleman acknowledges quite a disturbing reality questions the technical






He notes, “.....We are not the ones steering the boat of our behavior, at least not nearly as much

as we believe. Who we are runs well below the surface of our conscious access...” The theory

that Eagleman challenges is that “Human behavior is not separate from human biology.”

Therefore, he questions where the fine line lies between “bad choices” that deserve punishment,

such as the death penalty or several years in prison, and “psychological challenges” that require

medical assistance.

David Eagleman’s point is extremely significant and relevant in our culture today. He stresses

that there are characteristics in our genes that we may inherit or inevitably adapt such as a brain

,tumor in the amygdala (involved in emotional regulation). He points out that “The

overwhelming majority of prisoners carry these genes; 98.1 percent of death-row inmates do.

These statistics alone indicate that we cannot presume that everyone is coming to the table

equally equipped in terms of drives and behaviors.” This discovery creates a challenge for the

legal system because they must determine if he/she is blameworthy; if it’s the convict’s fault or

Formatted

Comment [L1]: The first sentence of a paragraph should always explain exactly what the overall purpose of writing is.

Comment [L2]: The editing guide on the course website reminds us not to use vague words, such as this, as the subject of a sentence. Instead of replacing is, I added a better definable subject.

18

Formatted: Centered

their biology’s fault. Eagleman acknowledges the quite disturbing reality that pPeople are being

imprisoned within their own minds causing them to do and think things that they normally




concerned. David Eagleman reminds us to look beyond what is’s scary and acknowledge what is


Comment [L3]: I moved this from the first sentence of the article essay because it is explaining why the author’s point of view is culturally significant, rather than explaining what his point of view actually is.

19

Formatted: Centered

Most Successful Article Essay

To Choose or Not to Choose; That is the Question

Ann Iiulbert, author of the article, “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped,” addresses an all

too common, nonchalant perspective about life. She Ann Iiulbert quotes her unregretful mother,

dying of lung cancer whom states, “Well, we’ve all got to go somehow.” The apathetic attitude

of this woman this woman takes me by surprise. It leads me to wonder how she lived her life, or

if this aspect was only taken so near to death. Either way, this mindset demonstrates the

carelessness in a decision making process. Obviously, cancer wasn’t considered appropriately

while debating weather or not to smoke all of her life. Hence, she is forced to face the inevitable,

fatal consequence. The veryis mindset of this woman seems to be very evident in our American

culture today. While making critical life-decisions or just day to day choices, people tend to

focus on one mindset over another: chance vs. safety. They either live invincibly or vulnerably.

Excess of either behavior is unhealthy. A moderate equilibrium is essential for an appropriate

lifestyle. A common agreement is that the purpose of life is to enjoy it. Having experiences is

significant to live a happy life, but it’s crucial not to cut it short by being reckless. Ann Iiulbert

addresses an all too common, nonchalant perspective about life through her article, “To Accept

What Cannot Be Helped.”

Seeking different experiences has always been a passion of mine. I always try to take

advantage of every opportunity I come across. Therefore, I certainly took an interest when my

aunt presented me with the chance to take a trip to Amsterdam after I graduated from high

school. Of course, instinctively, I was excited and ready to irrationally make the decision to

pursue this journey to the other side of the world, without taking any considerations. However,

after adapting to the excitement, I began to think realistically. I faced a dilemma while

Formatted

Comment [L1]: According to the Parts of An Essay directions on the course website, the first sentence of an article essay should start with a specific eye catching detail, such as a quote from the article. I’ve now naturally learned to make the opening sentence of any essay solid and concrete, not vague or opinionated.

Comment [L2]: Since the beginning of the semester, I feel that I have successfully broken the habit of using “this” or “that” to define what I am referring to.

Comment [L3]: I had a habit of inserting useless information to attempt to get my point across. This sentence doesn’t support or define y purpose of writing at this stage in my essay.

Comment [L4]: I moved this from the beginning of the paragraph because I felt that it wasn’t sufficient to open my paper, but I still included it in the first paragraph because it is important information, and it suffices as the closing statement for my “prepare the audience” section.

20

Formatted: Centered

contemplating the varying factors of the unfamiliar criteria of independently planning a possibly

dangerous departure. I then managed to sort through and compare the different reasons to go

versus the reasons not to. After doing so, I finally arrived at a decision and I also managed to

adopt a new perspective about making choices in life. I learned that gaining a moderate

perspective on risk and reward is the only way to seek fulfillment in life.

I ran into a dilemma when I started to think about all of the different factors that I needed

to acknowledgedacknowledge. It wasn’t until then that I realized how much needed to be

considered prior to an international trip and , I discovered insight about how something so

carefree and fun, requires so much mature planning in order to create a reasonable reality. I had

never been out of the United States and I felt as though I was not well equipped with experience,

or knowledge about how to prepare. I didn’t want to become discouraged and give up on the idea

of going because it seemed far-fetched. I wanted to make a crazy thing happen with a sensible

mentality. .As I thought about the spontaneous proposition, questions soared through my head,

such as: Where would we stay overnight? How much does an international flight cost? What

process do I need to go through to receive a passport? How long will we stay? Is it actually safe?

After I contemplated all of these factors, I decided to do some research to answer some of my

questions, and to talk to my aunt about planning to answer the rest. I was beginning to

understand that if I took advantage of this opportunity, it would be an “once-in-a-lifetime”

experience, but it was going to require a lot of preparation before the fun could begin.

While trying to determine whether to go or not, I knew that the best way to decide was to

weigh the risks of this trip and the potential rewards. Despite my excitement, I was torn between

reasons to go and reasons not to. The justifications to go were obvious. I knew that exposure to

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Formatted: Centered

the European culture would significantly broaden my perspective of the world. I would have

certain experiences that I couldn’t have anywhere else. I knew that if I put it off, I probably

wouldn’t go for many years because I was about to start college. I had someone financially ready

to make this journey with me, whereas later on I may not. However, there were counter notions

as well. Between the flight and converting my dollars to Euros, this trip was going to be

financially painful. I wasn’t completely confident about my safety, due to my naïve perspective

in a foreign, more lenient country. I was making a significant decision and I found that it’s

critical to consider all of the factors in order to make the right choice. After lots of

contemplating, I managed to weigh the pros-and-cons and sort through the different values.

After considering the factors and weighing the risks and rewards, I finally found

fulfillment in making a decision. I managed to adopt a new perspective about making choices in

life.I’ve realized that all choices are important, whether their big decisions, like a trip to

Amsterdam, or small choices, like whether or not to study for a test. It’s important to put thought

into the choices made in life because one choice leads to another and another. The decisions we

make determine the experiences we have, thus our quality of life. My experience while making

the decision to go to Amsterdam has taught me the importance of decision making in life. I’ve

learned that being a “risk taker” or always playing it safe isn’t what is important. The real

significance is making choices based on what is's sincerely important to the individual, and not

just based off of chance. Once I considered all of the factors, all of my options and what they

meant to me, I felt much more confident in my decision, thus allowing me to enjoy my

experience.

Feeling satisfaction with the choices one has made in his or her life is so important when

seeking contentment. Not only does an in-depth decision making process increase one’s

22

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probability of getting what they really want out of life, but it also helps to prevent separate

issues from occurring. When a choice is made without much thought input, it’s very likely that

the results of that decision could lead to an unwanted situationregret. Thinking and choosing

wisely often reduces the rate of regrets as well. When one considers the possible effects of their

choices, they may acknowledge a misfortune that they hadn’t considered before, such as a

mother saying goodbye to her daughter because she has lung cancer, due to the fact that she

smoked all of her life. Adopting this mindset has made the decision making processes much less

stressful because I feel as if I’m more prepared to make a choice without second guessing it. For

example, after I safely returned from Amsterdam, I used my new found skill to decide to go sky

diving. Our free will may be our biggest enemy or our best savior. Don’t let regret become a

result of lack of concern because, remember, it’s your life we’re concerning here.

Comment [L5]: Here, I said the same thing twice in a different way. After taking the English 1101 course, it’s easier for me to recognize when I over-explain the point I’m trying to make. Now, I can make my point effectively by being straightforward.

23

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Most Successful Article Essay

To Choose or Not to Choose; That is the Question

Ann Iiulbert, author of the article, “To Accept What Cannot Be Helped,” addresses an all

too common, nonchalant perspective about life. She Ann Iiulbert quotes her unregretful mother,

dying of lung cancer whom states, “Well, we’ve all got to go somehow.” The apathetic attitude

of this woman this woman takes me by surprise. It leads me to wonder how she lived her life, or

if this aspect was only taken so near to death. Either way, this mindset demonstrates the

carelessness in a decision making process. Obviously, cancer wasn’t considered appropriately

while debating weather or not to smoke all of her life. Hence, she is forced to face the inevitable,

fatal consequence. The veryis mindset of this woman seems to be very evident in our American

culture today. While making critical life-decisions or just day to day choices, people tend to

focus on one mindset over another: chance vs. safety. They either live invincibly or vulnerably.

Excess of either behavior is unhealthy. A moderate equilibrium is essential for an appropriate

lifestyle. A common agreement is that the purpose of life is to enjoy it. Having experiences is

significant to live a happy life, but it’s crucial not to cut it short by being reckless. Ann Iiulbert

addresses an all too common, nonchalant perspective about life through her article, “To Accept

What Cannot Be Helped.”

Seeking different experiences has always been a passion of mine. I always try to take

advantage of every opportunity I come across. Therefore, I certainly took an interest when my

aunt presented me with the chance to take a trip to Amsterdam after I graduated from high

school. Of course, instinctively, I was excited and ready to irrationally make the decision to

pursue this journey to the other side of the world, without taking any considerations. However,

after adapting to the excitement, I began to think realistically. I faced a dilemma while

Formatted

Comment [L1]: According to the Parts of An Essay directions on the course website, the first sentence of an article essay should start with a specific eye catching detail, such as a quote from the article. I’ve now naturally learned to make the opening sentence of any essay solid and concrete, not vague or opinionated.

Comment [L2]: Since the beginning of the semester, I feel that I have successfully broken the habit of using “this” or “that” to define what I am referring to.

Comment [L3]: I had a habit of inserting useless information to attempt to get my point across. This sentence doesn’t support or define y purpose of writing at this stage in my essay.

Comment [L4]: I moved this from the beginning of the paragraph because I felt that it wasn’t sufficient to open my paper, but I still included it in the first paragraph because it is important information, and it suffices as the closing statement for my “prepare the audience” section.

24

Formatted: Centered

contemplating the varying factors of the unfamiliar criteria of independently planning a possibly

dangerous departure. I then managed to sort through and compare the different reasons to go

versus the reasons not to. After doing so, I finally arrived at a decision and I also managed to

adopt a new perspective about making choices in life. I learned that gaining a moderate

perspective on risk and reward is the only way to seek fulfillment in life.

I ran into a dilemma when I started to think about all of the different factors that I needed

to acknowledgedacknowledge. It wasn’t until then that I realized how much needed to be

considered prior to an international trip and , I discovered insight about how something so

carefree and fun, requires so much mature planning in order to create a reasonable reality. I had

never been out of the United States and I felt as though I was not well equipped with experience,

or knowledge about how to prepare. I didn’t want to become discouraged and give up on the idea

of going because it seemed far-fetched. I wanted to make a crazy thing happen with a sensible

mentality. .As I thought about the spontaneous proposition, questions soared through my head,

such as: Where would we stay overnight? How much does an international flight cost? What

process do I need to go through to receive a passport? How long will we stay? Is it actually safe?

After I contemplated all of these factors, I decided to do some research to answer some of my

questions, and to talk to my aunt about planning to answer the rest. I was beginning to

understand that if I took advantage of this opportunity, it would be an “once-in-a-lifetime”

experience, but it was going to require a lot of preparation before the fun could begin.

While trying to determine whether to go or not, I knew that the best way to decide was to

weigh the risks of this trip and the potential rewards. Despite my excitement, I was torn between

reasons to go and reasons not to. The justifications to go were obvious. I knew that exposure to

25

Formatted: Centered

the European culture would significantly broaden my perspective of the world. I would have

certain experiences that I couldn’t have anywhere else. I knew that if I put it off, I probably

wouldn’t go for many years because I was about to start college. I had someone financially ready

to make this journey with me, whereas later on I may not. However, there were counter notions

as well. Between the flight and converting my dollars to Euros, this trip was going to be

financially painful. I wasn’t completely confident about my safety, due to my naïve perspective

in a foreign, more lenient country. I was making a significant decision and I found that it’s

critical to consider all of the factors in order to make the right choice. After lots of

contemplating, I managed to weigh the pros-and-cons and sort through the different values.

After considering the factors and weighing the risks and rewards, I finally found

fulfillment in making a decision. I managed to adopt a new perspective about making choices in

life.I’ve realized that all choices are important, whether their big decisions, like a trip to

Amsterdam, or small choices, like whether or not to study for a test. It’s important to put thought

into the choices made in life because one choice leads to another and another. The decisions we

make determine the experiences we have, thus our quality of life. My experience while making

the decision to go to Amsterdam has taught me the importance of decision making in life. I’ve

learned that being a “risk taker” or always playing it safe isn’t what is important. The real

significance is making choices based on what is's sincerely important to the individual, and not

just based off of chance. Once I considered all of the factors, all of my options and what they

meant to me, I felt much more confident in my decision, thus allowing me to enjoy my

experience.

Feeling satisfaction with the choices one has made in his or her life is so important when

seeking contentment. Not only does an in-depth decision making process increase one’s

26

Formatted: Centered

probability of getting what they really want out of life, but it also helps to prevent separate

issues from occurring. When a choice is made without much thought input, it’s very likely that

the results of that decision could lead to an unwanted situationregret. Thinking and choosing

wisely often reduces the rate of regrets as well. When one considers the possible effects of their

choices, they may acknowledge a misfortune that they hadn’t considered before, such as a

mother saying goodbye to her daughter because she has lung cancer, due to the fact that she

smoked all of her life. Adopting this mindset has made the decision making processes much less

stressful because I feel as if I’m more prepared to make a choice without second guessing it. For

example, after I safely returned from Amsterdam, I used my new found skill to decide to go sky

diving. Our free will may be our biggest enemy or our best savior. Don’t let regret become a

result of lack of concern because, remember, it’s your life we’re concerning here.

Comment [L5]: Here, I said the same thing twice in a different way. After taking the English 1101 course, it’s easier for me to recognize when I over-explain the point I’m trying to make. Now, I can make my point effectively by being straightforward.

lila dadlani

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