listening and questioning in a pastoral setting mary t. o’neill, bcc, d.min. vice president for...
TRANSCRIPT
Listening and Questioning in a Pastoral Setting
Mary T. O’Neill, BCC, D.Min.
Vice President for Spiritual Care and Pastoral Education
Catholic Health Services of Long Island, N.Y.
Objectives:
1. To look at communication strategies with patients and ways to listen actively and helpfully to them.
2. To underline the importance of both thoughts and feelings in good listening.
3. To know how to listen and question in caring for the inner feelings and pain of the patient.
Helpful communication
Requires learning new skills
And
Unlearning habitual and unhelpful ways of interacting.
Emotions run high in times of illness
Feelings of vulnerability and fear are inevitable
Communicating in ways that help the
person feel
heard,
understood and
respected
contributes to the healing process
Dr. Eric Cassell, in Talking with Patients,
Without effective communication we are
unable to acquire objective and subjective
information that help us move towards an
appropriate assessment and care plan.
“I love the way you listen intently to what I say, and wait until I’m finished before you respond.”
As opposed to,
“I wish you’d hear me out instead of mentally practicing a quick response.”
Unhelpful responses
Indifference
Offering reassurance Offering judgmental responses
Judging another’s behavior Defensiveness
Active Listening
Helps the person feel heard.
Hears spoken and non-spoken
Active Listening: 3 Processes
Restatement of words of sender
Reflection of words and underlying feelings
Clarification summarizes and focuses the sender’s message.
Communication is helpful when
We resist the need to impulsively respond,
Or to offer quick advice
Or a quick solution to a problem.
Communication is helpful when
We try to clarify the problem,
And assist the person with the problem to solve it for himself or herself.
Empathy
To feel the pain of another
AS IF
It were our own.
Questions
1. Curiosity questions are not helpful 2. Use open-ended questions. 3. Avoid leading questions. 4. Use questions that encourage patient to
speak more. 5. Avoid question after question
6. Avoid questions that sound too clinical or sterile.
7. There are some good questions.
8. Allow patients time to process feelings and to respond to the questions.
9. Avoid WHY questions 10. Use specific questions to clarify what
the patient wants to say. Ask questions to further elaborate what patient
needs to say.
RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO ANSWER THE PATIENT’S “WHY” QUESTIONS. You may have your answer to the questions, but not the patient’s. Explore their questions with them. Help them live with and voice their question until they find their answer in their own heart’s core..
May you have respect for your individuality and difference.
May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,
That you have a special destiny here,
That behind the façade of your life
There is something beautiful and eternal happening.
May you learn to see your self
With the same delight,
Pride and expectation
With which God sees you in every moment.
Benedictus, by John O Donohue