Listening Is More Than Listening Is More Than HearingHearing

What you get out of listening What you get out of listening depends on what you put into depends on what you put into

itit

ListeningListening

April 14, 1912April 14, 1912(a thousand people needlessly lost their lives (a thousand people needlessly lost their lives

in the Titanic disaster)in the Titanic disaster)

Crew ignored the warnings of icebergs.Crew ignored the warnings of icebergs.

Passengers ignored the captain.Passengers ignored the captain.

The Californian (ten miles away) didn't respond to the distress The Californian (ten miles away) didn't respond to the distress signal—their radio operator was off duty.signal—their radio operator was off duty.

Material of hull lacked proper integrity.Material of hull lacked proper integrity.

ListeningListening

April 14, 1912April 14, 1912Poor listening contributed to the Poor listening contributed to the

disasterdisaster

ListeningListening

Listening is the art of Listening is the art of

interpreting multiple interpreting multiple

messages throughmessages through

multiple sourcesmultiple sources (spoken word-(spoken word-hearinghearing, body language-, body language-

sightsight, proximity-, proximity-spatial awarenessspatial awareness, , etc.)etc.)

MessageMessage

SenderSender ReceiverReceiver DecodeDecode EncodeEncode

FeedbackFeedback

EncodeEncode DecodeThe Communi

cation Model

ListeningListening

Effort of Listening (by Degrees)Effort of Listening (by Degrees)1. Passive Listening: Ineffective. 1. Passive Listening: Ineffective.

The thinking: the responsibility for successful The thinking: the responsibility for successful communication lies with the person doing the communication lies with the person doing the talking. Acting like a spongetalking. Acting like a sponge

2. Active Listening: Effective listening. 2. Active Listening: Effective listening. The listener takes an active part in the process.The listener takes an active part in the process.

"Nature has given us one tongue, but two ears that "Nature has given us one tongue, but two ears that we may hear twice as much as we speak."we may hear twice as much as we speak."

--Epictetus--Epictetus

ListeningListening

Five Levels (Ways) to Five Levels (Ways) to ListenListen

1. 1. AppreciativeAppreciative: enjoy music, a : enjoy music, a bird's song, a brook murmuring in bird's song, a brook murmuring in the forestthe forest

2. 2. DiscriminativeDiscriminative: single out one : single out one particular sound in a noisy particular sound in a noisy environment (a friend's voice in a environment (a friend's voice in a noisy room, a flute in the midst of noisy room, a flute in the midst of a symphony)a symphony)

ListeningListening

Five Levels (Ways) to ListenFive Levels (Ways) to Listen3. 3. ComprehensiveComprehensive: when we want to : when we want to

understand—directions/instructionsunderstand—directions/instructions

4. 4. TherapeuticTherapeutic: the “listening work” : the “listening work” of a psychiatrist or counselor;of a psychiatrist or counselor; listening without judgments: listening without judgments: letting a friend talk freely—even letting a friend talk freely—even ventvent

ListeningListening

Five Levels (Ways) to ListenFive Levels (Ways) to Listen5. 5. CriticalCritical: active listening evaluating : active listening evaluating

what is said and what is not said, what is said and what is not said, determines if the message is determines if the message is worthwhile, logical, has value, etc.worthwhile, logical, has value, etc.

This is not “listening to criticize,” This is not “listening to criticize,”

It’s “listening to thoroughly understand”It’s “listening to thoroughly understand”

On a Separate Sheet of On a Separate Sheet of PaperPaper

1. Give one example for each level of 1. Give one example for each level of listeninglistening

AppreciativeAppreciative

DiscriminativeDiscriminative

ComprehensiveComprehensive

TherapeuticTherapeutic

CriticalCritical

2. Summarize the 5 levels of listening in a 2. Summarize the 5 levels of listening in a short paragraph—at least 3 sentences short paragraph—at least 3 sentences long.long.

ListeningListening

4 Roadblocks to Good 4 Roadblocks to Good ListeningListening

1. 1. Lack of Attention:Lack of Attention: paying our paying our most personal assets—awareness, most personal assets—awareness, interest, and effort.interest, and effort.

2. 2. Thinking Off-Topic:Thinking Off-Topic: about what to about what to say or do next / un-focused thoughtssay or do next / un-focused thoughts

ListeningListening

4 Roadblocks to Good Listening4 Roadblocks to Good ListeningAssistant Professor, Paul Cameron at Wayne State University Assistant Professor, Paul Cameron at Wayne State University

(psychology) fired a gun from time to time throughout his (psychology) fired a gun from time to time throughout his lectures and asked students what they were thinking at the lectures and asked students what they were thinking at the time of the shots:time of the shots:

20% someone of the opposite sex20% someone of the opposite sex20% about a memory20% about a memory40%: worrying, daydreaming, lunch, and 8% 40%: worrying, daydreaming, lunch, and 8%

religionreligion20% paying attention to the lecture 20% paying attention to the lecture (only 12% were actively paying attention)(only 12% were actively paying attention)

ListeningListening

4 Roadblocks to Good Listening4 Roadblocks to Good Listening3. 3. Distractions:Distractions: noises make it difficult to noises make it difficult to

listen listen (we need to take the initiative to block out the (we need to take the initiative to block out the distraction so we can listen—turn off the TV, distraction so we can listen—turn off the TV, shut the door, etc.)shut the door, etc.)

4. 4. Memory:Memory: We easily forget what we hear. We easily forget what we hear. At the finish of a 10 minute speech the average At the finish of a 10 minute speech the average person has forgotten half of what was said. person has forgotten half of what was said. Within 48 hours, another 50% has been Within 48 hours, another 50% has been forgotten. forgotten.

On a Separate Sheet of On a Separate Sheet of PaperPaper

1. Give one example for each Roadblock 1. Give one example for each Roadblock to Good Listeningto Good Listening

Lack of AttentionLack of Attention

Thinking off TopicThinking off Topic

DistractionsDistractions

MemoryMemory

2. Summarize the 4 Roadblocks to Good 2. Summarize the 4 Roadblocks to Good Listening in a short paragraph—at least Listening in a short paragraph—at least 3 sentences long.3 sentences long.

ListeningListening

Bad Habits = Bad CompanyBad Habits = Bad Company1. Tuning Out Dull Topics1. Tuning Out Dull Topics2. Faking Attention2. Faking Attention3. Yielding to Distractions/Peripheral Noise3. Yielding to Distractions/Peripheral Noise4. Criticizing Delivery or Physical Appearances4. Criticizing Delivery or Physical Appearances5. Jumping to Conclusions 5. Jumping to Conclusions 6. Overreacting to Emotional Words 6. Overreacting to Emotional Words (think…GPA, Graduation, Parent Conferences)(think…GPA, Graduation, Parent Conferences)7. Interrupting7. Interrupting

ListeningListening

Interesting Observation about Interesting Observation about InterruptionsInterruptions

Men Interrupting Other Men and Women Men Interrupting Other Men and Women Interrupting Other WomenInterrupting Other Women

EquallyEqually

Men and Women Conversing…Men and Women Conversing…

Who interrupts more?Who interrupts more?

Men—96% moreMen—96% more

Why do men interrupt Why do men interrupt more?more?

Studies suggest the following logic:Studies suggest the following logic:When women are talking about a problem, they usually When women are talking about a problem, they usually

aren’t looking for a solution or an opinion. They are aren’t looking for a solution or an opinion. They are wanting to be listened to. wanting to be listened to.

Men operate from a default listening style: “solution Men operate from a default listening style: “solution mode”mode”

A word of advice for men…A word of advice for men…When women tell you a problem and ask “what do you When women tell you a problem and ask “what do you

think?” they are often think?” they are often (subconsciously)(subconsciously) testing you testing youIf you offer a solution right away they chalk it up to If you offer a solution right away they chalk it up to

“just another guy.” “just another guy.” If you reply, “Wow, that sounds like a tough situation. If you reply, “Wow, that sounds like a tough situation.

Tell me more.” (or “What have you done about it?” Tell me more.” (or “What have you done about it?” etc. ) they think…”Hey, he really cares about me.”etc. ) they think…”Hey, he really cares about me.”

In short…women don’t value your opinion or your In short…women don’t value your opinion or your solutions as much as they value your attention.solutions as much as they value your attention.

Word of Advice to WomenWord of Advice to WomenMen don’t get hints:Men don’t get hints:

GirlGirl (seeing a bouquet in a display window) (seeing a bouquet in a display window): Oh, those : Oh, those roses look beautiful. Any girl would roses look beautiful. Any girl would love to receive roses from her love to receive roses from her boyfriend.boyfriend.

BoyBoy (to himself) (to himself): : Roses? Hmm…Roses are Roses? Hmm…Roses are red. So is Ketchup. Hey, I’m hungry.red. So is Ketchup. Hey, I’m hungry.

BoyBoy (to Girl)(to Girl):: Wanna get some French Wanna get some French fries?fries?

On a Separate Sheet of On a Separate Sheet of PaperPaper1. Give one example for each Bad Habit of not 1. Give one example for each Bad Habit of not

listening:listening:1. Tuning Out Dull Topics1. Tuning Out Dull Topics2. Faking Attention2. Faking Attention3. Yielding to Distractions/Peripheral Noise3. Yielding to Distractions/Peripheral Noise4. Criticizing Delivery or Physical 4. Criticizing Delivery or Physical

AppearancesAppearances5. Jumping to Conclusions 5. Jumping to Conclusions 6. Overreacting to Emotional Words 6. Overreacting to Emotional Words 7. Interrupting7. Interrupting

2. Summarize the 5 levels of Bad Habits of Not 2. Summarize the 5 levels of Bad Habits of Not Listening in a short paragraph—at least 3 Listening in a short paragraph—at least 3 sentences long.sentences long.

ListeningListeningEffective ListeningEffective Listening

1. Know when to listen 1. Know when to listen Actively Listen during the Middle of the SpeechActively Listen during the Middle of the SpeechThe beginning sets up the information. The The beginning sets up the information. The

conclusion summarizes the main points.conclusion summarizes the main points.Use the beginning to prepare for what you’ll Use the beginning to prepare for what you’ll

hear. hear. Use the conclusion to review your notes Use the conclusion to review your notes

… …making sure you have everything in making sure you have everything in order.order.

2. Use your "Spare Time"2. Use your "Spare Time"We Speak 150-175 words per minuteWe Speak 150-175 words per minuteWe Listen 400 words per minuteWe Listen 400 words per minute

ListeningListening

Improve Your Listening by using your EARSImprove Your Listening by using your EARSE—E—ExploreExplore:: Think ahead of the speaker— Think ahead of the speaker—

predict the next point or two (then see if predict the next point or two (then see if you’re right)you’re right)

A—A—AnalyzeAnalyze:: Consider carefully what’s Consider carefully what’s being said; look at it from several anglesbeing said; look at it from several angles

R—R—ReviewReview:: Retrace the path of the Retrace the path of the speaker. Remind yourself where you are speaker. Remind yourself where you are now and how you got there.now and how you got there.

S—S—SearchSearch:: Be alert for hidden meanings Be alert for hidden meanings (things said and unsaid)(things said and unsaid)