Listening SkillsPete Gowers

Marketing

September 2014

Introductions

• When the Ball is thrown to you:• Tell us your name and something you like.• Tell us the previous person’s name and what they like.• Throw the ball back.

“There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.”

Simon Sinek

Why Listening?

Advantages of Listening

Advantages

Empowerment

Learning, clarity

Avoid Resistance

Coach/ Develop

Relationships, people like it, and like you

Support/ reduce stress

To be Heard

Resolve conflict

• Split into Pairs• Either an A or a B – DON’T REVEAL YOUR

INSTRUCTIONS• Follow the instructions• You have 2 minutes

Listening Exercise

• A’s – Your job is simply to talk about yourself for 2 minutes. You can talk about what you did today or yesterday or this week.

• B’s – The A’s are going to talk to you about their day or week. Your job is to not listen. You shouldn’t make eye contact, you shouldn’t show positive body language. During the session, you should interject with something about your day that ignores what they’ve said.

Listening Exercise

Listening Exercise Review

• How did it feel for the talkers?• How did it feel for the listeners?• Do we know anyone like that?• No names please especially not us.

Listening

• Hearing- physical process; natural; passive

• Listening- physical & mental process; active; learned process; a skill

Listening

How do you improve things?

Active Listening

1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and Why?2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person that you have listened and understood them.3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase encourages the person to go on and expand on what has been said.4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss overan important point or emotion. Phrases such as‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these points for themselves.5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that you are interested.6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really understood what something was like for them can help build rapport and trust.

• Tolerate Silences

• This time, B’s use the active listening techniques• 1 minute only

• How did it feel this time?

Repeat Listening exercise

Listening in a 1x1• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggNltiG3AE4

M. Scott Peck

"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time."

Problems in 1x1’s

• Unclear Objectives• Missed Objectives/tasks• Employee not feeling supported• Supervisor can feel pressure to fix employee issues• Feeling criticised – both sides?• Lack of learning

Problems in 1x1’s

How do you improve things?

Active Listening

1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and Why?2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person that you have listened and understood them.3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase encourages the person to go on and expand on what has been said.4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss overan important point or emotion. Phrases such as‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these points for themselves.5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that you are interested.6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really understood what something was like for them can help build rapport and trust.

Larry King

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening”

Body Language• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sO84bGgra8

Body Language Discussion

• What did you think?• Any other thoughts on body language?

• Focus• Manage distractions• Eye contact• Mirroring• Physical openness• Aware of fiddling• Cultural awareness – Not everyone is the same, eye contact in

particular tends to be a western thing

Body Language Discussionhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg8PIK74KO4

Karl A. Menninger

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”

Listening in Meetings

Listening in Meetings

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfsN_ijocCM&t=7s&list=PLW90tNRmbHi5CpUJAUOUzttW4z6CG40Fr&index=2

Listening in Meetings

What can go wrong in Meetings?

Listening in Meetings

• Quiet people not heard• Valuable meeting content lost• Lack of agreement or moving forward to consensus• Lack of buy in to agreements• Emotive Language, frustration• Lack of Learning• Volume or personality wins over quality of idea/argument• Individuals feeling unvalued• Multiple conversations and distraction/lack of focus• Don’t stop at yes

Listening in Meetings

How do you improve things?

Active Listening

1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and Why?2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person that you have listened and understood them.3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase encourages the person to go on and expand on what has been said.4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss overan important point or emotion. Phrases such as‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these points for themselves.5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that you are interested.6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really understood what something was like for them can help build rapport and trust.

Stephen R. Covey

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Supporting Others Scenarios

Scenarios where we may need or want to support others?

Supporting Others Scenarios

• Overloaded• Issues with others• Issues outside of work• Don’t know how to do something• Feeling Alone• Ruminating, not moving forward• Stress/Anxiety/Depression

Supporting Others - Goes wrong

What can go wrong when supporting others?

Supporting Others - Goes wrong

• People can feel judged• People can feel you don’t believe in them• People can’t take on board advice even if valuable• Results of advice is givers fault• People can feel they’re not important enough• People can feel exposed by sharing• People can feel unsupported even when someone is

trying• Dependency

Supporting Others - Goes wrong

How do you improve things?

Active Listening

1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and Why?2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person that you have listened and understood them.3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase encourages the person to go on and expand on what has been said.4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss overan important point or emotion. Phrases such as‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these points for themselves.5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that you are interested.6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really understood what something was like for them can help build rapport and trust.

A Poem

"Will you please just listen?

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problem, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

But when you accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.

And when I do that, I don't need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.

Please remember that what you think are "irrational feelings" always make sense if you take time to listen and understand me. “

Find Out More

• Youtube• FLN/Skillsoft

Doug Larson

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.”

Thank You!!

“Remember, you’re not missing a chance to make a point, you’re creating a chance to make a better one.”

Unknown.