looking out/looking in thirteenth edition 8 communication and relational dynamics chapter topics why...
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Looking Out/Looking InLooking Out/Looking InThirteenth EditionThirteenth Edition
88COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATIONAND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSAND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
CHAPTER TOPICSCHAPTER TOPICS
• Why We Form Relationships• Relational Development and Maintenance• Communicating about Relationships
22COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Why We Form RelationshipsWhy We Form Relationships
• Appearance• Is especially important in the early stages• Partners create “positive illusions,” viewing
another as more attractive over time
• Similarity• We like people who are similar to us• Friendships are more likely to last when
friends are similar to one another
33COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Why We Form RelationshipsWhy We Form Relationships
• Complementarily• Differences strengthen relationships when
they are complementary• Each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s
needs
• Reciprocal Attraction• We like people who like us – usually• People who approve of us, bolster our self-
esteem
44COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Why We Form RelationshipsWhy We Form Relationships
• Competence• We like to be around talented people• If a person is too talented it can be difficult to
be around them because they make us look bad
• Disclosure• Revealing information about yourself can help
to build liking• Not all disclosure leads to liking
55COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Why We Form RelationshipsWhy We Form Relationships
• Proximity• We are likely to develop relationships with
people we interact with frequently• Familiarity can also breed contempt
• Most aggravated assaults occur within the family
• Rewards• Social Exchange Theory
• Relationships that give us rewards greater than or equal to the costs of the relationship
66COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models of Relational Development
Figure 8.1 Page 276
77COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Initiating
• Communication during this stage is usually brief• Simplistic communication is a way of signaling you
may want to begin a relationship
• Experimenting• After initial contact we decide if we with to pursue
the relationship further• Uncertainty reduction
• Getting to know others by gaining more information
88COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Intensifying
• The interpersonal relationship begins to develop• The expression of feeling becomes more common• Giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting
• Integrating• Parties begin to take on identity as a social unit• Partners begin to take on each other’s
commitments• Close friends may begin to speak alike
99COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Bonding
• Parties make symbolic public gestures• Commitment is increased during this stage• Being together comes to be relied on
• Differentiating• The “We” orientation shifts back to “I”• The stage is likely to occur when the relationship
experiences its first feelings of stress
1010COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Circumscribing
• Partners behave towards each other in old, familiar ways
• Communication decreases in quantity and quality• Shrinking of interest and commitment
• Stagnating• No growth occurs• The relationship is a hollow shell of its former self
1111COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship• Avoiding
• Parties begin to create physical distance between each other
• Unsuccessful couples deal with their problems by avoidance, indirectness and less involvement
• Terminating• Includes summary dialogue• Depending on each person’s feelings, this stage
can be quite short or drawn out over time
1212COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models of Relational Development• Alternate patters of relational development
Figure 8.3 Page 282
1313COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models of Relational Development• Dialectical Perspectives
• Communicators seek important but inherently incompatible goals through their relationship
• Dialectical Tensions• Conflicts that arise when two opposing or
incompatible forces exist simultaneously• Managing dialectical tensions can create the most
powerful dynamic in relational communication
1414COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models for Relational Development• Dialectical Tensions
• Connection versus Autonomy• We seek out involvement with others• We are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity to even
the most satisfying relationship• One of the most common reasons for relational breakups
involve failure of partners to satisfy each other’s needs for connection
• “We barely spent any time together.”• “I was feeling trapped.”
1515COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models for Relational Development• Dialectical Tensions
• Openness versus Privacy• Along with the need to disclose, we have an equally
important drive to maintain space• Even the strongest relationships require some distance
• Predictability versus Novelty• Too much predictability can lead to feelings of staleness• The challenge is to juggle the desire for predictability
with the desire for novelty that keeps a relationship fresh
1616COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models for Relational Development• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• In one study married couples reported:• Connection-autonomy was the most frequent (30.8%)• Predictability –novelty was second (21.7%)• Openness-privacy was least (12.7%)
1717COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models for Relational Development• Managing Dialectical Tensions• Other Strategies
• Denial• Reporting to one end of the dialectical spectrum and
ignoring the other
• Disorientation• Communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless they
are unable to confront their problems
• Alternation• Alternating between extremes on the spectrum
1818COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models for Relational Development• Managing Dialectical Tensions• Other Strategies
• Segmentation• Partners use this tactic to compartmentalize different
areas of their relationship
• Balance• Communicators try to balance dialectical tensions
• Integration• Simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to
diminish them
1919COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Models for Relational Development• Managing Dialectical Tensions• Other Strategies
• Recalibration• Responding to dialectical challenges by reframing them
so that apparent contradictions disappear
• Reaffirmation• This strategy acknowledges that dialectical tensions will
never disappear
2020COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Characteristics of Relationships• Relationships:
• Are constantly changing• Are affected by culture• Require Maintenance• Require Commitment
• Relation commitment involves a promise – sometimes implied and sometimes explicit – to remain in the relationship and make it successful
2121COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Repairing Damaged Relationships• Types of relational transgressions
• Minor versus Significant• Recognize problems for what they are
• Social versus Relational• Some transgression violate social, not relational norms
• Deliberate versus Unintentional• Transgressions are not always intentional
• One-time versus Incremental• Accidents do happen
2222COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Relational Development and Relational Development and MaintenanceMaintenance
• Repairing Damaged Relationships• An apology requires three elements:
• An acknowledgment that the transgression was wrong: “I acted like a jerk.”
• A sincere apology: “I’m really sorry. I feel awful for letting you down.”
• Some type of compensation: “If I act that way again, you can call me on it.”
2323COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Communicating about Communicating about RelationshipsRelationships
• Content and Relational Messages• Content Messages
• The subject being discussed
• Relational Messages• How the parties feel toward one another
• Types of Relational Messages• Affinity• Immediacy• Respect• Control
2424COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Communicating about Communicating about RelationshipsRelationships
• Metacommunication• Messages that people exchange, verbally or
nonverbally, about their relationship• Communication about communication• Can be used as a way to reinforce the
satisfying aspects of a relationship• “I really appreciate it when you complement me
about my work in front of the boss.”
2525COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICSCOMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Chapter ReviewChapter Review
• Why We Form Relationships
• Relational Development and Maintenance
• Communicating about Relationships