lovesick: the psychological animal
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Thepsychologicalanimalisawayinwhichhumansattempttoarticulateand
reflectontheirexistencethroughthemediumofanimallife.Representationsofanimals
serveasadirectwayoflinkinghumanswithwildlifethroughthebondoffeeling,asthis
connectionissignificantinconsideringaspectsofboththeanimalandthehuman
condition.Explorationsofemotionalstatesofanimalsbecamenotablyevidentinthe
Romanticperiodwhereanimalswererepresentedasbothforcesofnatureandmetaphors
forhumanbehavior,astheysoughttomakeaconnection.Thisistosuggestthattheir
depictionsofanimalsareoftheirnaturalstateorconditionofbeing,whereactionsor
gesturesdonothavetobeentirelyanthropomorphizedorexaggerated,butcanbesubtle
andmoretruetothebehaviorofthesubjectitself.1
WithinmyworkIaminterestedincouplinggracefulnessandawkwardness,
tendernessandtragedytocreateadualityintheworkthatgeneratesanempathetic
responseforbothanimalsandhumanssimultaneously.Myworkchallengeshistoricaland
contemporaryrepresentationsoftheanimalwiththeintentiontoexpresshowanimalsand
theirconditionofbeingechoourownbybothhonoringtheanimalasautonomousandas
anemblemofthehumancondition.
Ashumanswehaveaneedanddesireforintimacyandconnectionwithothers.We
haveaneedtofindrelatability,relationshipsandconnectionsintheotherthroughmind
andbody.Deprivedofintimacyinmyeverydayrelations,Ihavedevelopedastrongneed
forphysicalandemotionalintimacywithmyprocessandsubject.Iworkwithwatercolor
pencilsinbothasensitiveandcrudemannerusingmysweatandsaliva,handsandfingers
tomanipulatethematerialontopaper.Thispersonalanddirectconnection,muchlike
1EileenCrist.ImagesofAnimals:AnthropomorphismandAnimalMind.Philadelphia:TempleUniversityPress,2000;pp.55
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caressingorgroomingananimal,givesmetheintimacyIneedintheworkasIbringthe
animalintobeing.Thisintimacyisbothconstructiveanddestructive,lacedequallywith
desireandfear,presenceandabsence.Drawingbecomesaplaceforintimacythatallows
fortouchingthesubjectwhenactualtouchisatoncedesiredanddaunting.
(Fig.1)JenMarieZeleznak, ClandestineHeartachesBuriedYearsDeepinStagnantDays,watercolorpencilonpaper,2011
Itisthroughthisblack[oftheiris]thatweconfrontthegazeofananimal,partlywithfear,
withcuriosity,withfamiliarity,withmystery.Weseeourselvesinitseyeswhilstsensingthe
irreconcilableothernessofanintelligenceorderedaroundaworldwecanshareinbodybut
notinmind.2BillViola
IhavebeeninterestedinanimalsforaslongasIcanremember.Onlyrecently,
however,havetheyappearedinmywork.Growingup,Iwasafraidofmostwildanimals
becauseitwasingrainedintomymindthattheycouldhurtme,thoughIneverunderstood
whytheywouldwantto.ItwasonlywithinthelasttenyearsthatImovedbeyondthose
2BillViola.ReasonsForKnockingAtAnEmptyHouse:Writings1973-1994.London:Thames&Hudson.pp.143.
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irrationalfearsanddecidedtostudythem,readaboutthemandinteractwiththem,
becauseIwantedtoknowthetruth.Iwantedtofindoutformyselfwhatitisaboutthese
nuisanceanimalsthatevokesuchafearanddisgustinmostpeople.
However,Ididnotfindfearanddisgust.Ifoundadeepconnectionwhenobserving
andunderstandingtheirsocialrelationships.Ifeltmyselfempatheticallyrespondingtomy
ownperceptionsabouttheseanimalsanddirectlyrelatingthemtomyownexperiences
andrelationships.Istartedusingnuisanceanimalsinmyworkwithinthelasttwoyears.
MovingfromtheNortheasttotheSouth,Ifoundmyselfsurroundedbyanentirelynew
ecosystem.Itwascompletelyforeigntome.Ididntfeelconnectedtothenaturehere.It
wasinthatrealizationthatIbegantofeelnostalgicforthenatureofNortheasternOhio,
whereIgrewupandspentmyentirelifeupuntilthispoint.Imissedtheraccoons,
possums,skunksanddeer.IfeltalossforsomethingIfearedforsolong.Iwassearching
foraconnectedness.Ihadaneedtoformanintimacywiththeseanimalsinmydrawings,
tofulfillanemptinessinmylife.
Empathyisfundamentallyanattemptattranslatingfeelingsbydrawingupon
pathos.Ashumans,wehavetotransformananimalintoahumanbeinginordertoattempt
tounderstandtheother.Weattachourownconsciousnesstoananimalandauto-affectedly
respondwithhumanemotionstowardsthem,treatingthemasthoughtheywerecapableof
response.Thisisessentiallyanactofanthropomorphism,whichperpetuatesasatisfying
relationshipwiththosewedesiretoknowbutarenotabletounderstand.
Animalexistenceisessentiallythoughtofasseparatefromhumans.Wehave
createdanartificialboundarybetweenourselvesandotheranimals.Theuniquecapacityof
thehumanmindisoneofthefewthingsthatseparateusfromotheranimalsandisthe
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conceptualfoundationuponwhichevolutionhasbeenbuilt.Aswehavecreatedtheillusion
ofcontrolthroughmentalconcepts,ithasbeenimbeddedinthehumanmindthatanimals
havenocontrolovertheirownlives.Wehaveimposedsomanythoughtsandconcepts
ontotheanimalthatthereseemstobenowayofgoingbacktotheanimalaspurely
autonomous.Througheonsofexploitationsandmisunderstandings,thereisaninabilityto
accepttheirconditionofexistenceassimilartoourown.
Aparadoxexistsinneedinganimalstodefinewhatsdistinctlyhuman.Ashumans,
weseektomoveforwardbutleaveanimalsbehind.Wehavedevelopedastronginterestin
alienbeingsassomethingpossiblymoreintelligentthanourselves,yetbelieveanimals
lackthecapacitytoreasonandaretoofamiliarinconsideringthepossibilityofnewtruths.
Withanimalscomefeelingsofsentiment,apathy,orsomewhereinbetween.That
somewhereinbetweenisasignificantspaceinwhichconflict,struggle,andpossibilitiesof
newthoughtcanexist.Iattempttounderstandthisinmydrawings.
Thereissomethingaboutlookingintotheeyesofananimal,andfeelingthegaze
reciprocatedbytheother,eitherinfearorcomfort.Itiseasytofeelpotentialrelatabilityin
thefaceofananimalbecauseitechoesourownfeaturesandexpressions.Irealizedthe
feelingsofsentimentassociatedwiththeanimalfaceandanimalgaze,andIknewitwas
notjustthefacethatwascapableofexpressingemotion.Itwasthroughthatrealization
thatmyworkbegantoemphasizegestureandintroduceanambiguity,anuncertainty,
whichwasnecessary.Forexample,Iwasinterestedindepictingaskunkturnedawayfrom
theviewersoastoconcealtheface.(Fig.2)
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(Fig.2)JenMarieZeleznak, ToNeverFeelOurWingsMeltingNo.2 ,watercolorpencilonpaper,2011
Skunksareusuallylookedatinfearanddisgustduetotheirinstinctualbehaviorsof
sprayingfoulodorsasadefensemechanism.Skunksarenotthoughtofasgracefulor
elegant,butratheruglyandrepulsive.Isoughttoemphasizethetendernessandsensitivity
oftheskunkthroughanunconventionalgesturethatopensuptheviewerintoconsidering
newwaysofseeingthisanimal.Thegestureisseeminglytragicandgraceful,yetrevealsa
certainvulnerabilitythatinducesanempatheticresponse.Theskunkfluctuatesbetween
beingperceivedasaliveanddead,byengagingavisualperceptualshift.ThoughIdraw
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fromimagesofdeadanimalsinvariousendingsituations,Iseektoinfusetheanimalwitha
differentkindofenergy.Thisenergy,inducedbytheperceptualshift,createsanallusionto
givinginorresistinganoutsideforce,emphasizingtheserenityofsurrender,asignificant
aspectofboththeanimalsconditionofbeingandthehumancondition.
Theconditionofbeinghasalwaysbeencomplexandmysterious,aswetrytoexist
andfindmeaningintheworld.Animalshavebeenasubjectinartsincehumanbeingsfirst
begantoexpressthemselvesinavisuallanguage.Animalimageryinartevolvedashistory
progressedanditseemedtoconveythefundamentalrelationshipsbetweenhumansand
animalsthroughouteachparticulartimeperiod.Thelanguageofsymbolsbecamemore
complexandimagesofanimalsaboutanimalsevolvedintoimagesofanimalsaboutus.
Beastlyanimalsweretransformedintohumanizedanimals,dilutingtheiranimalnature.
Thefirstevidenceofanimalsassubjectsdatesbacktoover40,000years,tothePaleolithic
Period.(Fig.3)
(Fig.3)LascauxCavePaintings,rawpigmentonrock,circa25,000B.C.
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Theactofpaintingtheseanimalswasthoughtofasamysticalandritualisticmeansof
evokingaspirit,anattemptofcontrol.However,manytheoriesaboutthemeaningofthese
cavepaintingshaveremainedcontroversialastherearenoconcretesourcesfromwhichto
drawinformation,otherthantheremainsofwhatwasleftbehind.Thisnotionofthe
animalasspiritualandsacredcarriedonthroughtheEgyptianandRomantimeperiods,
whereanimalsbegantobeassociatedwithmythicaliconsanddivinespirits,symbolsof
eachrespectiveculture.
Sincethen,representationofanimalsbegantotakeonmoreintimateand
naturalisticdepictionsasartists,suchasAlbrechtDurerandJean-BaptistOudry,
consideredtheanimalasaserioussubjectinart.Theybegantousetheanimalas
autonomousinstilllifeimagery,divorcedfromanyimplicationsofsymbolism.(Fig.4and
Fig.5)However,duringthistime,thedepictionsofanimalsweregenerallyinterpretedas
socialdocumentations,commissions,andpatronagestatussymbols.Theseworks
showcasedtheartiststechnicalskills,personalinterestsandcuriosityofnature,butseem
voidofempatheticmeaning.
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(Fig.4)AlbrechtDurer,Hare,watercolorpencilonpaper1502
(Fig.5)Jean-BaptistOudry, HareandaLegofLamb,oiloncanvas,1742
Animalshavebeenusedassymbolsindiverseworldculturesandindifferenterasof
humanhistory.Animalarttransitionedanddevelopedintomoreprofoundphilosophical
implications,andshowedparallelswiththescientificdiscoveriesandculturalchangesof
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thetime.Forexample,acknowledgmentofanimalrightsandenvironmentalethicswere
surfacing,respondingtotheuseofanimalsforscientificandmedicalexperimentationto
advancehumanityandtobenefithumandesires.Animalrightsencompasstheideathatthe
mostbasicinterestsofanimalsshouldbeaffordedthesameconsiderationasthesimilar
interestsofhumanbeings.
InImagesofAnimals:AnthropomorphismandtheAnimalMind,EileenCristdescribes
togreatlengthstheNaturalistsportrayalofanimallife,relativeto19thcenturyanimal
artists.Cristsetsouttogiveaccountsofanimallifethatarefaithfulrepresentations,and
explainsitthroughtheconceptofVerstehen,whichinvolvessubjectiveimportofaction
soastogainanunderstandingofanimalsanditsconnectionwithhumanlife.Inconnection
tothisconcept,phenomenologistAlfredSchutzarguesthatthehumansocialworldis
experiencedfromtheoutsetasameaningfulonetheOthersbodyisnotexperiencedasan
organismbutasafellow-man.3Wegainknowledge,eveniffragmentary,fromeveryday
relationshipsandexperiences.Meaningcreatedfromtheseexperiencesofpractical
perceivingandreasoningthroughiswherethemeaningofothersactionsisunderstood.
Thatistosayactionsaremeaningfulandtheirmeaningsareessentiallyavailable.Meaning
ofanimallifeisconveyedasinternallyconstitutiveofthebehaviorsandeventsdepicted.4
InconnectiontoDarwin,thisanthropomorphicprocess,withthefoundationofalanguage
basedonhumanassociations,impliesthattheNaturalistspointofviewistointenda
realisticdepictionofanimallifeintheirnaturalhabitats.(Fig.6)
3AlfredSchutz.ThePhenomenologyoftheSocialWorld.Oxford:HeinemannEducational,1972;pp.554EileenCrist.ImagesofAnimals:AnthropomorphismandAnimalMind.Philadelphia:TempleUniversityPress,2000;pp.53
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(Fig.6)JohnJamesAudubon, VirginiaOpossum,coloredengraving,1845
Increasinglydrawingattentiontoanoldphilosophicaldebate,artbegantoemerge
inwhichanimalswererepresentedascapableofself-reflection,asanthropomorphizedto
greaterorlesserdegrees.Animalartinthe19thcenturybegantorespondtodisputes
regardingthestatusofanimalsandanti-crueltymovements,andresultedinagrowing
sympathytowardsanimals.Manyoftheworksmadeduringthistimehadaheightened
senseofromanticimaginationandemotionaldrama.19thcenturyartists,suchasTheodore
GericaultandEdwinLandseer,oftendepictedanimalsindistressthatimbuedthemwith
humanemotions.(Fig.7andFig.8)InTheExpressionofEmotioninManandAnimals,
Darwinproposedthepossibilityofanimalconsciousnessasdirectlywitnessedthrough
variousformsofreasoningandobservation.Heacknowledgestherelevanceofdescribing
statesofbeinginanimals,andthesubtletiesandcomplexitiesofexperiencethatthese
conceptsimply.5Darwinhasascertainedthatmanywell-knownmodesofexpressionare
essentiallyuniversal,suchasthatofhappiness,love,sorrowandgrief.Inordertodepict
5CharlesDarwin.TheExpressionofEmotioninManandAnimal.Filiquarian.2007.
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animalsthatseemtoexudehumanemotions,theyareessentiallyromanticizedand
dramatic,otherwisetheyseemstagnantandvoidofmeaning.
(Fig.7)TheodoreGericault, StudyofaDeadCat,oiloncanvas,1822
(Fig.8)EdwinLandseer,StudyofaDeadStag,oiloncardboard,1802-1873
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Personificationhasburdenedtheanimalinartsincethe17thcentury,causingthe
subjectoftheanimaltobeeasilydismissed.Ininvestigatingthecomplexissuesofanimal
representationinvariousstatesofstagnation,oneoftheprominentconcernsseemstolie
inanthropomorphismandaseemingfearofsentiment.Formuchofthe20thcentury,the
depictionofanimalsinartwasregardedakitschysubjectandfurthermore,undeservingof
seriousconsideration.SteveBaker,contemporaryartcriticandanimaltheorist,is
interestedintheanimalskeyroleinPostmodernismandContemporaryart.Hesuggested
thatcontemporaryartistsengaginganimalrepresentationseemtobeshiftingfromthe
historicalnatureofsymbolandmetaphor,andmovingmoretowardsembracingawkward,
provisional,andratherunflatteringidentitiesgettingclosetotheanimalwithout
worryingtoomuchabouttheconsequences.6
Thereisanintriguingshiftawayfromthekitschy,sentimentalanimaland
traditionalwildlifeillustrationsthathasseemedtoplagueanimalrepresentationinartfor
quitesometimenow.Bakerfeelsthattheproblemwithartsmorestraightforwardly
realistic,beautiful,orsentimentalrepresentationsofanimalsisthatourveryfamiliarity
withthemrendersthedepictedanimaleffectivelyinvisible.ThisthoughtbyBaker
provokesafreeingoftheanimalfromitsrepresentationalburdensandinsincere
associations.Embracingthenuancesofanimalitywithuncertaintyandcuriosity,Baker
suggeststhatthereneedstobeatypeofrupturetothehistoryofanimalrepresentation;to
seektore-define,orconceivablyun-define,ourexperienceoflookingatanimals.Itinvolves
anavoidanceoftheeasy,theattempttoturnmeaningsaroundandabeliefinthe
possibilityofusingarttoseeanimalsdifferently.Withinsignificantcontemporaryanimal
6SteveBaker.AllCreaturesGreatandSmall.LectureNotes:February16,2010.ZachetaandtheBritishEmbassyinWarsaw.pp.4
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artthereseemstobeaninterdependenceofengagingwithunfamiliarorcontradictory
representations.Asaconsequence,manyartistsarechoosingtodisengagetheanimalasa
symbolandmetaphor,inapostmodernattempttoun-framethewaywelookatanimals.
Thisissignificantinthemoltingawayofpreconceptionsandfamiliaridentities,aswellas
findingaspaceforconsideringtruthsaboutourselvesasmuchasthepossibilityoftruths
inanimals.
(Fig.9)SimenJohn,WhentheKingdomComes(Untitled),digitalphotograph,2008
Contemporaryartistsengagingtheanimalrelyheavilyontheviewersabilitytosee
andinterpretanalternativeviewoftheworld.Forexample,SimenJohan,acontemporary
Swedishphotographer,playswithreality,illusion,andbelievabilitythroughdepicting
strangeandslightlyoffsituations.Forexample,inanuntitledworkfromthe2006series,
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WhentheKingdomComes,Johanpresentsafoxcoupleintheforegroundofavastterrainof
whatappearstobeanovercastdrearywinterday.(Fig.9)Eloquentlyposed,thefoxcouple
appearsindistressastheysquintwithtearsdrainingfromtheireyesandtheirnoses
coveredindriedblood.Theyaredepictedinoppositiontotheirsymbolicmeaningof
clevernessandadaptability.Clearly,thesefoxesexpresssignsofwearinessandaninability
towithstandtheircurrentconditions.Thenegationofsymbolismfunctionstoun-frame
associationsonemighthavehadaboutfoxesingeneral,providingthepossibilityofnew
knowledgethattheviewercanfindtruthin.
Nonetheless,thesheerbelievabilityofthisimageisarrestingandbeautifully
unsettling.Johansflawlesstechnicalabilityinlarge-scalephotomontageissowell-
renderedthatitsuccessfullykeepstheviewerfrombeingtoodistractedbythefactthat
theseimageshavebeenmanipulated,allowingtheviewertorespondtothestrife-ridden
humanisticexpressionsthefoxesaresoeloquentlyemoting.Thoughtheanimalsmight
appearpersonified,asJohanrepresentstheminaworldseethingwithlife,theymore
significantlyprovideallusionstoexistentialexperienceswhilesimultaneously
transformingthewaywelookatanimals.
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(Fig.10)GeorgeBoorujy,DeerNearEnnis,inkonpaper,2004
Contemporaryartist,GeorgeBoorujy,transformsthewaywelookatanimalsashe
engagesnegativespaceinhisworktopsychologicallyactivatethespace.(Fig.10)Thisputs
theanimalsinhisdrawingsnecessarilyoutofcontext,whichinturnmakestheviewerlook
atitmorecloselyandquestionit.Hisdrawingsessentiallyworkoneverylevel,each
providingdifferentimpact,sensationorexperiencedependingonwhateachrespective
viewerbringstotheworkorthattheyareopentorelatingtoitinanewway.Boorujysuse
ofpositiveandnegativespacecreatesanemotional,inwardspace.Thereisnophysical
placetoassociatewiththesubject.Thenaturalenvironmentandcontextaviewerwould
expectismissing.Itbecomesanintangible,yetperceptivelyrealspace;aspaceofthemind.
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Idealism,withitstravellingcompaniondoubt,isdrivenbyamisplacedbeliefinperfectiona
conceptsettinganinaccurateroutetowhat-might-have-been,tothepast,andevento
perfectionitself.Isthereamethodmorepertinentthanperfectiontothewaysweunderstand
ourplaceintheworld,andinwhichartcancomplicatewhatwethinkweknow?7
-LisaLeFeuvre||Failure
(Fig.11)JenMarieZeleznak,WithWholeHeartsYetBrokenWords,watercolorpencilonpaper,2011
Imakeworkfromacertainemotionalspacethatisfullofnegativity,painandloss.I
donotknowhowtomakeworkfromanyotheremotionalspacethanthis.Itisfromthe
desireandabsenceoftheotherinmypersonalrelationshipsthatmotivatesmetocreate,
andthatIcreatefrom.Imakeworkfromafamiliarspace;aspaceofpsychologicaltorment.
Whatisknowniswhatissought,evenifwhatisknowniswounding.8Violationsofthis
spacecreatementalinstability,deliberateorunforeseen.Ihaveanirrationalfearofmaking
art.ThatfearexistsbecauseIcreateunnecessaryanxietyinthatImightnotbeableto
7LisaLeFeuvre.Failure.Whitechapel:DocumentsofContemporaryArt.MITPress.2010.8JamesHollis.TheEdenProject:InSearchoftheMagicalOther.Toronto,Ont.:InnerCityBooks.1998.
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reachtheemotionalspacethatIneedtocreatefrom.Itinducesacompulsivedesireto
repeatemotionaltragedies.IfIdonotoccupythatemotionalspace,Idesperatelyseeka
waytogetthere.ItistheonlywayIknowhowtoperpetuateanemotionalexperience.
Dr.FrankTallis,authorofLovesick:LoveasaMentalIllness,assertsthatartistsenjoy
themotivationalbenefitsofemotionaldistress.Onedevelopsafinelytunedsenseof
intenseemotionalexperiences.Inordertocreatearttriggeredfromintenseemotional
experiences,theartistmustthenfocusonthatexperienceorideainanobsessivemanner
tobringitintobeing.AccordingtoDr.Tallis,artistschosetocourtemotionalturmoilto
enhancetheircreativity.Byself-perpetuatingviciouscyclesofraptureanddespair,creative
potentialisreleasedbecausesuddenlytherearewordsandvisualimagestoexpressour
feelings.9
Thisself-fulfillingprophecyisthefoundationofmyartisticpractice,whereIfind
myselfconstantlybattlingmyinnercritic,ineverydayrelationshipsandtheprocessof
creating.Theseconflictingfeelingsofthemindandoftheheartseemtocomplicatereality
versusactualityandtherationalversustheirrational.Aninstilledfearofnotbeingableto
gettothatemotionalspacetocreateleadstoobsessive-compulsivepatterns;toseek
controloftheotherorthecircumstancesthatofferstheillusionofcontrol.Myprocessand
mysubjectinvolveinducingvariablesthatstruggle.Icreatethemtoforcemyselfto
experienceemotionalturmoilbyestrangingsocialandromanticrelationships,whether
realorimagined.Itendsupbecomingveryrealeitherway.Thisself-sabotagingcycle
createshardshipswheretherewerenoneandruinsrelationshipsbeforetheyevenbegin.
9FrankTallis.LoveSick:LoveasaMentalIllness.NewYork:Thunder'sMouthPress.2005.
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Thisprocessofcreatingisatonceconstructiveanddestructive.Thoughitmaybe
wounding,Iknownootheremotionalconditiontocreatefrom,nordoIwantto.
(Fig.12)JenMarieZeleznak, ForgettheBackwardsWalkThroughLiminalWindowsYouNeverKnewExisted,
watercolorpencilonpaper,2011
IfindmyselfinaconstantstateofconflictasImovebetweentherolesofmakerand
viewer.Asamaker,Ifindmyselfinanguishasmyinnercriticrendersthecreativeprocess
excruciatinglypainful.Irelentlesslyfeeltheneedtocreateamagnumopus.Thereisno
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greyareainbetween,butratherpsychologicalburdensandconsequences.Thiswayof
thinkinghasbeeningrainedinmeeversinceIstartedmakingart.Theseemingly
unnecessaryhardshipsIcreateformyselfareessentiallynecessary.Theycomplementand
confirmallusionsofmyfixationwithvariablesthatstruggle.Thereisalotofpaininthe
buildingupofemotionsthatbecomethemotivationtomakethework.Thoughtherigidity
inmystudiopracticeandestrangedeverydayrelationshipsarecrippling,thereisapayoff
intheend,asaviewer,thatfillsavoidifevenforamoment.AsaviewerIfeelmovedbythe
imagesIcreatebecauseoftheultimateemotivenatureofthework.ThisisthemovingartI
wanttobesurroundedbyandthetypeofartthatIfeelislackingintheworld.Thisisthe
reasonforperseverance.Thisisthereasonformakingart.
(Fig.13)JenMarieZeleznak, Study,graphiteonvellum,2011
Ispendhoursuponendonaquestfortheperfectimage.Thisperfectimagetendsto
embodyanaffectinggesturethatspeakstothepainsofthehumancondition.Obsessively
lookingatimagesofanimalsinvariousendingsituations,veryfewmakeitintomy
collectionofpotentialsourcematerial.Notallimagesofanimals,deadoralive,lend
themselvestoexpressingthepainsofthehumancondition.Deadanimalsareconstantly
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presentonthesideoftheroadyetmostpeoplethinknothingofit.Wearequicktodismiss
theseeminginsignificanceoftheirlife.
ThelifelessanimalgesturesIhavecometoemotionallyrelateto,expressadeeply
emotivemomentofabsenceandsurrender.(Fig.13)Iseektopreservethosemomentsin
mydrawings.ItisnecessarythattheimagesIchoosebetruetotheanimalsform.Iam
interestedinmaintainingtheirgesturesandexperiencessoastohonortheauthenticityof
theanimalsconditionofbeing.TheunalterednaturalgestureIamsearchingforpoints
towardsactualanimalemotionsandexperiencesthatIrelatetohumanemotions.Iseeka
feelingandsensationintheimagesthatmoveme.Tobemovedbysomethingisanintuitive
response,apurefeeling,andtheperceptualabilitytoknowwithoutknowinghowyou
know.ItisthatimmediatefeelingthattheimagesIseekgiveme,fromaplacebeyondthe
thinkingmind,aconsciousexpressioninthepresentmoment.
However,itcouldbeweeksbeforeIdecidetopursuethoseimagesandtranslate
themintoadrawing.IjustwanttobesuretheimageisreallyspeakingtomeinthewayI
imaginedittobe.OnceIdecidetheimagespotential,Itracecontoursoftheanimalsonto
vellum.(Fig.14)Sometimestherearemultipletracingsofthesameimagesoastobring
twodisparatefigurestogetherortocontemplatecomposition.Thisstageisimportantto
myprocessastakingtheanimalsoutoftheiroriginalcontextofthephotographintoaline
drawingbringstheimagesoftheanimalsintoaformdevoidoftheiroriginalmeaningand
associations.
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supposedtobe,thathasbeeninstilledthroughclassicalstandardsofrenderingaperfected
image.ThoughIknowdrawingisnotlimitedtomimeticrepresentation,Icanthelpbutfeel
constantlyburdenedbyahistoricalstandardthatsimplydoesnotexisttoday.Ifear
drawingandyetIchoosetodraw,deliberatelyputtingmyselfinapositiontofeel
inadequateanduncomfortable.Anxiousscribblesandneuroticmark-makinghastilyfillin
theanimalform.Thesemarksarethenquicklyeradicatedandobfuscatedbecausethey
werentgoodenough.Thisprocessofrevealingandconcealingrepeatsitselfoverandover
againinhopesthatafterrepeatingthisprocesssomanytimes,themaskedlayersofmarks
willappearconfident.Idonotmakemarkswithconfidence.Ihavenevermademarkswith
confidence.IhavealwaysfelttheneedtoblendthemarksImake,perhapstocoverupthe
insecuritiesIfeelwhendrawing.Theobsessive-compulsivelayering,ofwhatbecome
blendedmarks,speaktothefactthatallofthepreviousoneswerenotgoodenough.The
viewerwill,morethanlikely,neverknowthis.Initsfinishedstate,layersofgradientsand
nuancesofcolorareblendedtogetherlikeacolor-fieldembodiedwithinaform.Imeditate
inthesemoments.
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(Fig.15)JenMarieZeleznak, IFadefromMyself,andMissYouAgain,watercolorpencilonpaper,2011
Strictlyspeaking,projectionisnevermade;ithappens,itissimplythere.Inthe
darknessofanythingexternaltomeIfind,withoutrecognizingitassuch,aninterioror
psychiclifethatismyownSuchprojectionsrepeatthemselveswhenevermantriestoexplore
anemptydarknessandinvoluntarilyfillsitwithlivingform.10-Jung
Iusetheanimalasameanstoexploreboththeanimalandthehumancondition.I
drawfromextremelypersonalexperiences,suchasstrugglesinmyromanticrelationships
andstudiopracticeasanartist.Iamabletodistancemyselffromthemthroughtheanimal,
astheythenbecomearepresentationofanexperience,andnotnecessarilytheactual
10Marie-LouiseVonFranz.ProjectionandRe-CollectioninJungianPsychology.OpenCourtPublishingCompany.1985.pp.73-74
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experienceitself.Itbecomesself-referential;arepresentationofitsownpathos,aportrait
ofitsowngesture.I,asmuchastheviewer,needtoseeitassomeoneelseotherthan
ourselves.AccordingtoDerrida,Wearenotourselveswithoutrepresentationsthat
mediateus,anditisthroughthoserepresentationsthatemotionsgetfelt.11Thisisthe
innermostspacebetweenthinkingandbeing.Theanimal,withaprojectedconsciousness,
beginstospeaktousinourownlanguagewhiletheimageoftheotheralsoremainsintact.
Thepluralityofthismulti-layered,intenseandmysteriousprocessinducesapsycho-
physiologicalexperienceintheviewer,notmerelycognitive.Therefore,thepsychological
animalisexperiencedasanimageanditistheimagethatgeneratestheexperienceofthe
actualanimal,inbodyandmind.Theanimalremainsautonomous,yetsimultaneouslyis
themediumthroughwhichIattempttoarticulateandreflectonmyownexperiences.
Throughoutmywork,Iportrayandprojectmyselfontotheanimalasameansto
explorethedamagedpsychewhilealsohonoringactualgesturesandexperiencesofthe
animal.Theanimalisrenderedintoisolation,soastofocusinwardonabsenceof
connectionsandunfulfilleddesires.Iattempttogiveanintangibleforceavoicethrougha
subjectthatisessentiallyunabletospeakforitself.Iwantbothconversations,aboutthe
humanconditionandtheanimalcondition.Theapproximatedrepresentationscreate
relatabilitybetweentheworkandtheviewer,andtheworkandmyselfthatisnecessary.
Theanimalsremainessentiallytruetoformandgesture,notexaggeratedorintentionally
anthropomorphized.Mytorturedprocessisinformedbyhumanemotion,byloneliness,
desireandobsession.Theseemotionsaretranslatedintheneurosisofmyprocess.The
obsessivemarkmaking,ormeansofrenderingtheanimalform,mimicsthefurwhilealso
11ReiTerada.FeelinginTheory:EmotionAftertheDeathoftheSubject.Cambridge,Mass.:HarvardUniversityPress.2001.pp.21
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beingemblematicofthedepthandcomplexityoftheanimalanditsemotiveform.Italso
becomesemblematicofthecomplexityofhumanemotions.
Thelackofenvironmentisasuggestiontowardamentallyandpsychologically
chargedspace;aspacethatalludestoexistentialistviewsonthehumanconditionsuchas
lack,loss,disconnect,anduncertainty.Thisspaceallowsaconnectiononanemotional
humanlevelbydepictingtheanimalsoutoftheiroriginalcontextintoanegativespacethat
becomesintrospectiveandinternal.Thepsychologicalimplicationsofthisspaceareboth
discomfortingandfamiliar;thereisatoncebothapresenceandanabsence.
Theintimacyandempatheticnatureofmyprocessspeakstomyfidelitytowardsthe
animalasemotiveandautonomous,justasmyfidelitytowardstheexpressionofmy
emotionsofmypersonalexperiencesspeakstothepainsofthehumancondition.Itisin
thisdualitythatthereisroomtothinkaboutpsychologicalandsocialissuesconcerning
boththehumanandtheanimal.