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Magic Motivation From stuck to success in days
By Kirsten Long
“True to its title, this expert and easy-to-use book combines
wisdom, inspiration and practical guidelines in a way that really
is magical, confirming Kirsten Long's status as one of the very
best in the field.”
Pnina Fenster
Editor GLAMOUR MAGAZINE SA
Visit MY BLOG:
http://coach4life.co.za/blog/
Twitter: Coach4LifeKL
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Copyright @ 2011 Kirsten Long
All Rights Reserved.
The material in this electronic publication is protected under International and Federal Copyright
Laws and Treaties, and as such, any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is strictly prohibited.
The material in this electronic publication may be stored only on one computer at one time. You may
keep one additional copy on CD or disk for backup purposes. You may not copy, forward, or transfer
this publication or any part of it, whether in electronic or printed form, to another person or entity.
Reproduction or translation of any part of this work without the permission of the copyright holder
is against the law.
Coach 4 Life, P.O. Box 2315, Cramerview, South Africa, 2060
Contact: [email protected]
IMPORTANT
You may only view this eBook if you are the person who purchased it.
You do not have resell rights or giveaway rights to this eBook.
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DEDICATION
I dedicate this book
to my husband Dave
and my children Morgan, Natasha and Cayla
whose presence in my life is essential.
THANKS
To my Mom who read through the first version with an eagle eye
To my sister Terry for website and testing assistance
To Michelle Brownlee Smith for editing
DEFINITIONS
Motion
to move
Motivation
the act of giving someone a reason or incentive to do something
to move to action
Motivator
the reason for action
Motivate
to give someone a reason or incentive to do something
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Table of Contents
Foreword ......................................................................................................................... 7
How to use this workbook ........................................................................................................ 7
In preparation ................................................................................................................................. 7
The book is made up of five different elements: ............................................................................ 7
When you see these symbols… ....................................................................................................... 7
How can I get the most out of this workbook? ............................................................................... 8
Introduction ................................................................................................................... 10
Reasons for lack of motivation ..................................................................................................... 10
Take care of yourself ..................................................................................................................... 10
Consequences of lack of motivation ............................................................................................. 10
Can motivation be negative? ........................................................................................................ 11
Chapter 1. What is motivation? ................................................................................... 12
Chapter 2. I just don’t feel like it! ................................................................................ 14
Chapter 3. Motivation myths .............................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
Myth 1: I have to be motivated before I start working ..................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Myth 2: My boss/company/spouse/another should motivate me .... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Myth 3: Fear is a good motivator .................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Myth 4: I am not motivated ............................................................ Error! Bookmark not defined.
Myth 5: Motivation is only for work tasks ....................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Myth 6: Giving rewards motivates people ....................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 4. Motivation truths ............................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Truth 1: Motivation is a luxury – you don’t have to have it! ............. Error! Bookmark not defined.
Truth 2: Motivation is catchy .......................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Truth 3: You’re motivated by the consequences of your work ......... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Truth 4: Start the work, motivation will follow ................................ Error! Bookmark not defined.
Truth 5: Motivation is a habit ......................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 5. Your motivators ................................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 6. Dirty fears that stop you .................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 7. Procrastination .................................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 8. Don’t break bad habits ....................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Something extra .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 9. Best practice ...................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 10. Self-reflection ................................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 11. The right attitude ........................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 12. Powerful YOU ................................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 13. You and your world ........................................ Error! Bookmark not defined.
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Chapter 14. Morbid mediocrity .......................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 15. Where are you going? ..................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Chapter 16. Failure = feedback .......................................... Error! Bookmark not defined.
Conclusion .............................................................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
References ............................................................................. Error! Bookmark not defined.
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Foreword How to use this workbook In preparation Buy yourself a beautiful journal and pen. Alternatively, create a special folder on
your computer where you will do the journal work suggested.
The book is made up of five different elements:
Information and theory. This is the part you’ll need to read.
Journal work. This offers you an opportunity to learn and reflect (the
reflection part is an important part of the work).
Quotes. These support the theory.
Practice. Exercises for you to do that will consolidate your learning and help
bring about change (the action part of your work).
Key ideas. These summaries are found at the end of each chapter and serve
as a quick reminder of what you have learnt in the chapter.
When you see these symbols… …it’s time for Journal work. Wherever you see this sign in the book, take five minutes for yourself. Breathe yourself into a calm, self-reflective space. Square breathing always works for me:
Breathe in while counting to four.
Hold your breath while counting to four.
Breathe out while counting to four.
Hold your breath while counting to four.
Repeat four times
Then, do the exercise in your journal. You may want to write the
page number of the exercise in your journal for cross-referencing
purposes. Take your time and write honestly. If possible, write for a
minimum of 10 minutes. This is for your eyes only – the more honest
you are, the more you will learn and grow.
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If you do not feel confident about journaling, refer to my book
Journaling Joys.
…it’s time to Practice.
This is a practical exercise for you to follow. It’s different to journal
work where you are required to reflect. These exercises are actions
that you can take to bring change to your life. Follow the
instructions given.
…it’s time to reflect on the Key ideas.
After each chapter, you’ll find a summary of the content and
important points to remember.
How can I get the most out of this workbook?
This book is written in a way that you can choose the best route for you:
Either work through the book from beginning to end. This will give you a
complete understanding of all aspects of self-motivation.
Or, pick the chapters where you believe you’re having difficulty and work
through those first. The book is written in a way that each chapter is an
entity on its own and doesn’t require the previous chapter in order to be
understood.
On that note: when you work on a chapter, complete the work from the beginning to
the end. This is especially true of the journal work. When you get to a journal
exercise, do it right away before reading the rest of the chapter. This is because
some exercises work better when you do them fresh, before reading the theory
behind it. To give yourself the best chance of success, do the journal exercises as you
come across them.
As with life, the theory is useful, but change only comes about when you take action.
This includes not only physical action, like making a telephone call, but includes mind
action like changing your thought patterns and beliefs.
Mind changes are possible because you can consciously focus your mind on
something. For instance, if I suggest that you spend two minutes listing the things
you are grateful for in life, you’ll find that you are quite capable of doing this. Many
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of your beliefs are unconscious but once you become aware of them (through
journaling or other exercises) you can consciously let go of that belief and replace it
with a more affirming belief. My understanding of action includes this kind of
practice and exercise.
The most important consideration to changing your motivation levels therefore is
that you must take action. The first action you are going to take is to pick up this
book and decide how to work with it. Secondly, you will begin reading. Yes, action
gets things moving – and your journey has begun.
Take on all the journal work – this is an important part of the journey of discovery for
you. Complete all the exercises as this is part of creating change. Small changes every
day make for a lifetime of success.
Commit to working though this book. Take your time (don’t even try to do it all at
once!). If you read the whole book and try to implement the changes in one go,
you’ll lose motivation and be back at square one.
Try spending a whole week on a chapter. Get those changes under your belt before
you embark on something new. You may find one or two chapters make all the
difference for you anyway. You can end each day flipping through all the key ideas to
make the knowledge part of you. Working through the book means that, in time,
you’ll shift your motivation levels.
NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!
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Introduction Reasons for lack of motivation There are many reasons you may lack motivation. The most common ones are:
Low self-esteem
Lack of purpose and direction
Bad health
Depression and anxiety
Addiction
This book is based on the premise that you’re a reasonably self-regulating person
and that you have the ability to take some steps forwards. Now is a good time to ask:
“Can I help myself with the help of this book?” Or, “Do I need to see a professional?”
This book will NOT cure depression or stop addictions.
Take care of yourself If the majority of your days are spent feeling overwhelmed, abandoned, unworthy,
directionless or numb, you may need to get professional help. Using this book or
other ‘self-help’ material may leave you feeling worse off. Start with a general health
checkup and follow your doctor’s advice going forward.
Consequences of lack of motivation Lacking motivation can have devastating effects in your life. As you read on, you’ll
discover that you DON’T have to be motivated to achieve BUT it helps! Most of us
suffer from the consequences of being unmotivated in many different ways:
You struggle to get things done.
You feel like you can do more with your life but you don’t know how.
Your heart sinks when you look at your to-do list.
You sometimes dread getting up to face the day.
You enter a vicious cycle – the more unmotivated you feel, the less work you
do and the worse you feel.
You feel dissatisfied with yourself and your life.
If you feel like this every now and again – and everyone does at some point – that’s
okay. When you feel this way every day for most of the day, your happiness levels
plummet. The wonderful news is that you can change. Starting right now!
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Can motivation be negative? Yes! A drug addict is highly motivated to get his next fix; a criminal, to surprise his
next victim. The question is not how to get motivated but rather, what to do with it.
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Chapter 1. What is motivation?
There are as many definitions for motivation as there are lights in the city. Most
people have a pretty good understanding of it.
Motivation is:
A general desire to do something.
A willingness to act.
An inner power that pushes you to action.
An inner energy needed to accomplish something.
A desire to achieve a goal.
The best description? Motivation is the inner driving force that gets you going. It’s
usually seen in a positive light – when you feel motivated, you feel good.
Unmotivated, you feel bad.
Being motivated does not mean YOU are good or bad. In South Africa, where we
have a high crime rate, you will find that the criminal mind is highly motivated. A
criminal sets a goal to rob a house and has the inner energy and motivation to reach
that goal.
Motivation is part of your human conditioning and it is possible to affect your
motivation levels. This is good news, because it means you can empower yourself to
achieve your dreams. In this book you’ll learn and practice different ways to up your
motivation levels. The more you practice, the better you will get!
One of the quickest and easiest ways to get motivated is to socialise with achievers
and people with similar interests or goals. Drive and positive attitudes are
contagious. Mix with people who are negative and miserable and it won’t be long
before you feel the same. You do have the power to choose with whom you socialise
– use that power!
Be grateful when you feel motivated. Be even more grateful when you learn how to
change from an unresourceful, unmotivated state to an energetic, motivated state.
Now you hold the key to success.
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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.” Aristotle
Key ideas
There are many definitions for motivation.
Motivation is a general desire to do something.
Motivation is an inner power that pushes you to action.
Being motivated does not mean YOU are good or bad.
Motivation is part and parcel of our human condition.
It is possible to affect your motivation levels.
Get motivated by socialising with achievers.
Motivation and positive attitudes are contagious.
Be grateful when you feel motivated.
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Chapter 2. I just don’t feel like it!
Journal work Cast your mind over the last week. Write down everything you did
that you did not feel like doing. Your list might include the following:
I did the laundry.
I wrote that report on Friday afternoon.
I cooked dinner.
I went to gym.
Describe what it feels like to be doing these things. Where do you
feel this in your body?
Journal work
Think back over the last week and write down everything you did
that you really enjoyed. Your list might include:
I cooked a special dinner for my best friend.
I gave a presentation to the board.
I spoke to my Mom on the phone.
Describe what it feels like to be doing these things. Where do you
feel this in your body?
So often you let yourself off the hook by telling yourself, “I don’t feel like it.” Have
you ever felt so tired at the end of the day that you didn’t even feel like brushing
your teeth? You probably still brushed them.
You are VERY capable of doing things that you don’t like or feel like doing. You do it
all the time. Not doing something because you don’t feel like it, is a choice. You are
choosing not to do it. In that moment you are also choosing to believe that you can’t
do it. This is not true. It’s convenient!
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Practice
Every day this week, consciously do one thing you don’t feel like
doing. It’s important that you acknowledge your feelings. Say to
yourself, “I don’t feel like doing this AND I’m going to do it anyway.”
Then do it. Notice how this allows you to feel empowered.
Here’s the crux: you can practice doing the things you don’t feel like doing and can
get quite good at it. No matter what career you’re following or what you do for a
living there will be times in your life when you have to do things that you don’t feel
like doing. That’s life. There are however, ways to reduce those tasks through
delegation, outsourcing and saying no.
Then, acknowledge your emotions – these are important messages that give you
vital information about what is going on in your life. Get into the habit of
acknowledging your feelings as opposed to invalidating them. Never say phrases like:
“I shouldn’t feel like this.” Your emotions are your truth in that moment. Learn to
listen to your feelings and what they’re trying to tell you!
If most of your day is spent doing tasks that you hate – take heed. This may mean
that you should be doing something differently. Ask yourself, “If I’m still doing the
same thing in 10 years time, will I be happy?” If the answer makes you feel like
jumping off the planet – it’s time to take action and make a change. Set a goal and
take the necessary steps to bring you to a more fulfilled place. Get the support of a
Life Coach if you really don’t know what else to do or how to do it.
You may believe that you have to be motivated first, and then follow with action.
Your belief is that you’ll work when you’re motivated. But, motivation is actually a
luxury. You DON’T have to have it! You may find that once you sit down and start
something, you only then begin to feel motivated. A more true statement is that you
will feel motivated once you begin the work. Adopt this belief and you’ll get much
more done!
The reason you can do things you “don’t feel like doing” is simply because you
decide to do them. When you’re exhausted at night you DECIDE to brush your teeth
even though you really don’t feel like it. It’s a choice you’re making.
There may sometimes be a person who is expecting you to do something. You allow
yourself to be accountable to others. But what about being accountable to you? It’s
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much more difficult to do something if you’re doing it for yourself. Planning to write
a book? Lose weight? Start a business? Do you find it difficult to get going because
you are not motivated? You could wait for years until you feel motivated. The
consequences of waiting until you’re motivated are.... nothing. Yes, that’s right –
nothing will be achieved if you’re waiting for motivation.
“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect.
There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.
So what?” Mark Victor Hansen
The way to overcome this inertia is twofold:
Get your mind right! Understand that motivation is a luxury and a
choice. You know how to start something even if you “don’t feel like
it”.
Then, train yourself to do something small each day that you don’t
like doing but that has to get done. Notice how you feel once it’s
done. Now tackle bigger projects. Soon you’ll discover that you’re
getting things done without noticing whether you’re motivated or
not. Acknowledging that you don’t feel like doing something and
doing it anyway is a winning mindset.
This is how you teach yourself to be accountable to yourself. Once you are
accountable to yourself, you can tackle those projects you’ve been thinking about for
years with ease and grace.
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“The truth is, motivation doesn't just appear.
Force yourselves to go to the gym at first –
over time your body will actually crave a workout!” Chris Crocker
Key ideas
You’re capable of doing something you don’t feel like doing.
Empower yourself – acknowledge your feelings AND take action.
You’ll feel motivated once you begin the work.
If you don’t feel like doing what you should be doing most of your
day – take the steps to make a change.
You can train yourself to do things you don’t feel like doing.
Motivation is actually a luxury. You DON’T have to have it!
The reason you can do things you don’t feel like doing is simply
because you decide to do them.
You allow yourself to be accountable to others.
You can train yourself to be accountable to you.
The consequences of waiting until you’re motivated are....
nothing.
Get your mind right. Acknowledge that you don’t feel like doing
something and do it anyway – it’s a winning mindset.