MANAGING DEFIANCEWITH

SELF-REGULATION TRAINING

Brad Chapin MS, LCP, LMLPMathew Penner MSW, LMSW

Overview

Opposition and Defiance Managing it with a Solid Framework Self-regulation Training Strategies

Defiance and Opposition

Can we “cure” it? Or a better question may be…should we? Are there times in your life where being

oppositional or defiant was the best course of action?

A World Without Defiance?

On an Individual Level

Learned helplessness Dependence vs.Independence Victimization – bullying, domestic

violence Low Self-esteem Powerlessness

Manage it vs. Destroy it

Oppositional and Defiant behavior is healthy

Conflict is a natural part of communication

Conflict can create growth We can learn from conflict

So What’s the Problem?

Where it can go Wrong

Intensity Aggression Becomes destructive

Timing A time and a place for it

Planning/Process How to approach the situation Consideration of others involved Pros and Cons Cost/benefit

Behavior on a Continuum

Dependent,Helpless,Victim

Aggressive, Hurtful, Antisocial

Moderate

Disruptive Behavior Disorders

Oppositional Defiant Disorder Conduct Disorder Disruptive Behavior Disorder NOS Antisocial Personality Disorder

Reserved for Adults

Oppositional Defiant DisorderA. A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present: (1) often loses temper (2) often argues with adults (3) often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules (4) often deliberately annoys people (5) often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior (6) is often touchy or easily annoyed by others (7) is often angry and resentful (8) is often spiteful or vindictive

B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a Psychotic or Mood Disorder.

– Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994 American Psychiatric Association

What Else Can Look LikeOppositional Defiant Disorder? Autism Spectrum Anxiety Depression Bipolar Disorder Trauma History Developmental Issues

Types of Defiance

• Externalizing– Anger outbursts– Aggression– Arguing– Yelling, hitting, throwing things

• Internalizing– Passive aggressive– Shutting down– Avoidance– Passive resistance

How Do Children Develop Extreme Defiance?

Bio-psycho-social explanation Bio = Biological reasons Psycho = Psychological Social = History, Environmental

Within the Psychological domain we explore the “why” behind the behavior What MOTIVATES defiance?

Behavioral Reasons for It to Get Out of Control

The child has LEARNED that extreme defiance “works” He throws a fit and ends up getting his way Learned by example Over time this behavior is strengthened

through success Risk/Reward or Cost/Benefit

Cognitive Reasons for It to Get Out of Control

“I have to get you before you get me.” “Everyone is against me.” “The more I push, the more I get.” “I’ve been hurt so much already that I

don’t care what happens to me.” “I have no control. I will do what it takes

to have control.”

Things that Don’t Seem to Work

What things have you tried that didn’t seem to work very well?

Have you ever “won” an argument? What about power struggles? How do your own actions influence the

situation?

STUDY LINK:http://www.aera.net/uploadedFiles/News_Media/News_Releases/2010/AERA%20Factsheet-3%20April8-2010.pdf

What Can We Do?

Set up a simple and Consistent set of expectations

Learn to manage ourselves Use our skills and supports Self-regulation Skill Training

Physical Emotional Cognitive

“Know Thyself” Socrates - 469 BC – 399 BC Benjamin Franklin wrote in his 1750 Poor

Richard's Almanac that "There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self.“

“Know Thyself”

How do you think about children who are oppositional or defiant?

What perceptions do we form about others?

What do we attribute their behavior to? What do we think about our own ability to

manage these types of behaviors? How do we respond under stress?

Having a Solid Framework

Gives you guidance when you get stuck Helps you evaluate new

interventions/activities Helps the Team Communicate Prevents Confusion Helps provide Consistency

Cognitive-behavioral Psychology

Provides Evidence Base

Self-RegulationStrategies

Physical, Emotional, CognitiveRegulation Skill Domains

Self-regulation Training Framework

Academic Performance Emotional Control MotivationAggression/Violence Executive Function School SafetyAnger Impulse Control Self-efficacyAnxiety Learned Helplessness Self-esteemAttention Locus of Control Social InteractionAttribution Longevity SuccessCognitive Flexibility Happiness TraumaDepression Oppositional Defiance Well-being

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Self-regulation & Violence

School Safety Violence & Aggression Victim/Perpetrator What are the connections?

Assumptions of the Framework

Children will do well if they can (Green & Ablon, 2006).

One must be physically calm to effectively engage in problem-solving and learning (Goleman, 1998, Macklem, 2008 ,Yerkes & Dodson, 1908).

Human beings have little control over their environment, but a great deal of control over their responses to their environment (Ellis,

1962). The relationship is likely the most important

variable when trying to help someone change (Hubble, Duncan & Miller, 1999).

Assumptions of the Framework

Cognitive-behavioral psychology works (Beck & Fernandez, 1998; Butler, Chapman, Forman & Beck, 2006).

Effective Self-regulation is critical for success and happiness (Baumeister, Heatherton, & Tice, 1994; Duckworth & Seligman, 2005; Masten & Coatsworth, 1998).

In order to be effective, we need to meet children where they are currently functioning (Greene, 2006; Bailey, 2001).

Do not assume that children have learned anything about how to regulate their own behaviors in a healthy way.

Cognitive-behavioral Psychology Works

Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology Over 400 Random, Clinical studies Easy to Use Natural to implement – probably doing some

of it already De-mystifies psychology High emphasis on education Stresses monitoring and outcomes

Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology in a Nutshell

Behavioral Setting up consistent limits with consequences Rewarding positive behaviors

Cognitive Understanding that beliefs and perceptions

dictate our emotional and behavior responses Change beliefs to change behavior

What is the Goal?

Age

Self-Regulation

ExternalRegulation

Age

Self-regulation

Broadly defined Skill-building Scaffolding Learning to regulate one’s own Physical,

Emotional, and Cognitive processes in healthy, pro-active ways to be successful

Healthy, adaptive and “appropriate” responding to internal and external events

Three Functional Categories of Self-regulation Skill Training

Physical

Emotional

Cognitive

Physical Regulation

When Physical response is triggered: Lower Brain is in command Higher thinking not engaged Body is ready for action Performance requiring thought is compromised Learning is decreased Problem-solving is decreased Yelling, screaming, pushing, hitting, kicking,

biting, throwing things, spitting, “shutting down”, etc.

People can get hurt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trPuXkbTpok

Physical Regulation

Goals of Physical Strategies: Moderate the Fight/Flight/Shut-down ; Autonomic system Move back “up” from the brain-stem Return body to baseline

Physical Strategies include: Repetitive movements Stretching Change of physical position Breathing Relaxation Distraction Biofeedback Can take advantage of Imagination and Visualization –

Suggestion, Association

Physical Training Do:

Remove Stimulation Practice and Prevention Reduce Stress Give Space Calming Exercises Rhythmic Repetitive Movements and Stretching

Do Not: Try to teach Argue Lecture Win Prove a point

My Physical Strategies Break into small groups and identify as many

activities as you can to address Physical Regulation Goals of Physical Strategies:

Moderate the Fight/Flight/Shut-down ; Autonomic system Move back “up” from the brain-stem Return body to baseline

Physical Strategies include: Repetitive movements Stretching Change of physical position Breathing Relaxation Distraction Biofeedback Can take advantage of Imagination and Visualization –

Suggestion, Association

Emotional Training

Goals of Emotional Strategies: Accurately identify emotions; our own and

those of others Own and accept responsibility for our feelings Expressing feelings in healthy, appropriate

ways

Emotional Strategies Include: Labeling Expression training Responsibility for feelings

My Emotional Strategies Break into small groups and identify as

many activities as you can to address Emotional Regulation Goals of Emotional Strategies:

Accurately identify emotions; our own and those of others

Own and accept responsibility for our feelings Express feelings in healthy, appropriate ways

Emotional Strategies Include: Labeling Expression training Responsibility for feelings

Cognitive Training

Goals of Cognitive regulation: Problem-solving skills Engaging higher cortical areas of the brain Planning and organization skills Insight and Understanding Forming healthy beliefs about ourselves and the world

around us

Cognitive Strategies include: Specific training to problem areas

Ex. – Collaborative Problem Solving for Conflict Resolution Insight-oriented teaching to promote understanding Learning about his/her own patterns of behavior

Cognitive Training

Common beliefs: “I have to get you before you get me.” “Everyone is against me.” “The more I push, the more I get.” “I’ve been hurt so much already that I don’t

care what happens to me.” “I have no control. I will do what it takes to

have control.”

My Cognitive Strategies Break into small groups and identify as

many activities as you can to address Cognitive Regulation Goals of Cognitive regulation:

Problem-solving skills Engaging higher cortical areas of the brain Planning and organization skills Insight and Understanding Forming healthy beliefs about ourselves and the

world around us Cognitive Strategies include:

Specific training to problem areas Insight-oriented teaching to promote understanding Learning about his/her own patterns of behavior

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Specific Scenario

What about the other Complicating Factors? Crowded classroom with lots of eyes and ears Pressure of completing the “task at hand” Academic standards Lack of other adults Our own upset and other internal factors The child’s unknown history /abilities

Johnny 10-year-old boy Often disruptive in class with frequent anger

outbursts When angry, he stays agitated for over an hour and

continues to struggle in class Can be triggered by other students or the teacher believes that “things have to be a certain way or

else” and it is obvious that he does not believe he has control over his actions and he believes that others “make” him angry and can be openly defiant

Grades are C’s and D’s and cognitive abilities are average for his age

Single-parent home with similar behaviors being reported at home

BehaviorsTo Address

1st Rating(1-10)

Strategy Used

(See Matrix)

Response OutcomeRating(1-10)

PhysicalRecognizes physical

signsExplosive outbursts,

poor recognition 2

Uses healthy calming strategies

successfully

Stays escalated for extended periods,

Needs development

1

EmotionalIdentifies feelings Only Anger, Needs

development 1

Recognizes responsibility and ability to change

Blames others 2

Expresses Emotions in healthy ways

Yells, throws things, hits others

Needs development1

CognitiveReplaces Unhealthy

thoughts with healthy beliefs

Confused, thinks others are against himNeeds development

1

Uses Cognitive strategies to

problem-solve

Needs development1

Strengths: Likes music, smart, has friends, good at sports

Barriers: Rigid thinking, anger has built up, difficult to build rapport with

Johnny’s Baseline Assessment

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Creating an Individualized Planfor Change

1. Complete baseline assessment2. Select Physical, Emotional and Cognitive

Strategies to match child’s interests and behaviors

3. Engage child, team and parents if possible

4. Sell the change- Simple- Just a few meetings

Create Your Plan

Get into groups Develop a plan to help Johnny

increase his ability to Self-regulate

Use Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Strategies

Don’t Forget Self-Assessment

What baggage did you bring to the party?

2 Physical Strategies

My Warning Signs Melting Freeze

One of the first steps in diffusing emotional upset is successful recognition of the physical changes that take place in the body.

My Warning SignsMy Warning Signs

Common Warning signs Draw Yourself Here

1. Upset stomach

2. Headache

3. Clinched fists

4. Loud voice

5. Red face

6. Restless, fidgety, twitchy

7. Heart beating faster or louder

8. ___________________________

9. ___________________________

10. ___________________________

How I Calm down when these changes happen:

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Children who do not regulate well have difficulty calming down physically when they are upset.

Melting FreezeMelting Freeze Worksheet

“Pretend your muscles are like water. Now we are going to change the form of our muscles to frozen (tense) like ice and then back to melted (relaxed) like water.”

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

3 Emotional Strategies

You Can’t Make Me Laugh Emotional Overflow Free Emotional Expression

You Can’t Make Me Laugh

Children struggling with self-regulation often do not understand the power they have over their own emotions.

You Can’t Make Me Laugh

Take turns using funny words, stories, faces or actions to try to get each other to laugh.

Time limit: Each person gets 30 seconds to get the other to laugh.

Rules:

1. No touching or invading personal space during this game 2. Keep words and actions appropriate 3. Have fun!

Strategies used:

1. _____________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Emotional Overflow

Children struggling with self-regulation often let their emotions build up inside them to a level that becomes impossible to contain.

Emotional Overflow Worksheet

Jose’s Day

Jose is an 8-year-old boy. He is in the 3rd grade. Last night he did not sleep very well. He woke up a lot in the night (pour). When he was getting ready for school he couldn’t find the shirt he wanted to wear that day (pour). When he got on the bus, the only seat left open was at the back of the bus and he feels car-sick when he sits back there (pour). When he got to school, he realized he forgot to bring his homework that was due (pour). At recess he got hit in the face with the ball by accident while they were playing soccer (pour).

Jose was getting full of anger and stress (pour until the glass is full). Then when they were lining up for lunch, a girl in Jose’s class named Lauren accidently bumped into Jose. Jose’s container is full and overflows. He yells and screams at Lauren, then pushes her down (pour to indicate the emotional overflow). All of the anger and stress that had built up inside Jose came out on Lauren.

Jose’s Better Day

Jose is an 8-year-old boy. He is in the 3rd grade. Last night he did not sleep very well. He woke up a lot in the night (pour). Jose told his mother and she made sure had an extra scoop of cereal to help him feel better (pour some of the water in the glass back out). When he was getting ready for school he couldn’t find the shirt he wanted to wear that day (pour). He told his dad he was getting mad because he couldn’t find his shirt. His dad helped him find it (pour some of the water back out). When he got on the bus, the only seat left open was at the back of the bus and he feels car-sick when he sits back there (pour). When he got to school, he realized he forgot to bring his homework that was due (pour). He told his teacher about it and she said he could bring it in the next day (pour some water back out). At recess he did not get picked to play on the soccer team he wanted to be on (pour). He asked the kids if they could switch teams tomorrow and they agreed (pour some water back out).

Then when they were lining up for lunch, a girl in Jose’s class named Lauren accidently bumped into Jose. Jose calmly told Lauren to please watch where she was going.

Questions:

1. What do you think helped Jose’s day go better this time? 2. Are there things that you can do to let your feelings out little by little so they don’t

build up and explode?

Free Emotional Expression

Children who struggle with self-regulation often have difficulty expressing the feelings they have in healthy ways

Free Healthy Expression Worksheet

What are some things you are interested in?

1. _______________________________ 2. _______________________________ 3. _______________________________ 4. _______________________________

Healthy ways I can Express my:

Anger

1. Talk with someone about it 2. __________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________

Sadness

1. Talk with someone about it 2. __________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________

Fear/Worry

1. Talk with someone about it 2. __________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________

Happiness

1. Share it with someone 2. __________________________________________

__________________________________________

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

2 Cognitive Strategies

Defiance Trap The Domino Effect

Children struggling with self-regulation often have difficulty complying with rules and limits. A critical part of self-regulation is understanding that one’s own actions can dictate the amount of freedom they are granted by parents, teachers and others in authority.

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Defiance TrapDefiance Trap Worksheet

First, draw yourself in the trap below.

Next, list the Freedoms or Privileges you would like to earn:

1. _____________________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________________

Write in thoughts or rule-breaking behaviors that are keeping you from reaching your goals:

1. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Domino Effect Those who

struggle with self-regulation often have difficulty understanding the fact that they can control their own emotional and behavioral outcomes for events that take place in their lives

Domino Effect Worksheet

Let’s look at how you can control the outcome.

Decision points (interventions)

1.

2.

3.

4.

Activating Event End Result (Negative)

Positive Pro-active Ending

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC

Additional Tips

Use Natural Consequences when you can Be Strengths-based For strategies, use things that you and

the child are interested in Programs like Challenge Software can

engage children quickly Understanding goes a long way

Collaborative Information

Psych Challenge Blog http://psychchallenge.blogspot.com

Email Brad.chapin@cpschallenge.com

Facebook – search Challenge Software

Twitter id = chapin55

Challenge Software Program for Children Online tool for teaching Self-regulation www.cpschallenge.com

© 2010 Chapin Psychological Services, LLC www.cpschallenge.com brad.chapin@cpschallenge.com