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Martyrdom

MARTYRDOM is one of seven basic characterflaws or “dark” personality traits. We all havethe potential for feeling victimised, but inpeople with a strong fear of worthlessness,Martyrdom can become a dominant pattern.

Martyrdom in History

Martyrdom traditionally refers to an experience of suffering

persecution, torture and death on account of one’s faith.

Before exploring martyrdom as a psychological mechanism, it is

worth understanding martyrdom in this more traditional sense

— though it turns out that the two aren’t really that different.

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The Martyrdom of St. Euphemia

Martyrdom is a familiar concept in the history of religion. In the

ancient world, for example, many Christians were hunted down

and cruelly tortured to death by their Roman rulers, simply for

being Christians. Faithful survivors would then refer to their

executed comrades as martyrs (from the Greek mártys,

meaning “witness”). And if their comrades had stayed true to

the faith despite all the suffering, then they might also be

referred to as saints, meaning outstandingly holy individuals.

Recent research suggests that accounts of the Roman

persecution of early Christians may have been exaggerated for

various reasons — to marginalize heretics, inspire the faithful,

and fund churches.* Today we might refer to this as perception

management or spin­doctoring. The careful use of words can

put a specific slant on a situation, shaping how it is represented

in the minds of others, as well as in our own minds.

A word like martyrdom, for example, helps to separate “us”

from “them” in terms of morality. Having martyrs in our ranks

implies that we are fundamentally innocent victims while they

are fundamentally evil oppressors. It lets the oppressors know

that they are committing an offense against God. It also serves

as an inspiration to the faithful, contrasting the goodness and

righteousness of the innocent underdog with the unholy

injustice of an evil empire.

* see The Myth of Persecution by Candida Moss, HarperOne, 2014.

Martyrdom as a Deliberate Stunt

Traditionally, martyrdom was always about keeping the faith

while facing an unwanted early death:

“You may kill my body, but my faith will never die.”

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Today there is a new brand of martyrdom — suicide bombing:

“Behold how I deliberately blow

myself up in your face. That

means my faith is better than

yours, right?”

It is easy to see how, for some, a spectacular suicide in the

name of religion can seem like a worthwhile ambition. For some

individuals with no strong attachment to life, choosing to

become a martyr (in the name of Islam, say) — and taking out a

few non­believers at the same time — can seem an extremely

noble and attractive way to go. Not only does your willingness to

die for your beliefs create “shock and awe” in the oppressors,

but you also get to be feted in your own community (albeit

posthumously)—and your family will be well honoured—and you

are promised special treatment by the Almighty in the afterlife.

Despite the fact that most Muslims do not consider such acts of

terror to be valid cases of martyrdom, the term is used routinely

by those who deliberately take their own lives (as well as the

lives of innocent bystanders) as a form of protest or resistance.

The Koran prohibits suicide, religious scholars say. But some Muslim

groups insist that by classifying the bombers as martyrs, their self‐

destruction becomes permissible because it is a form of self‐

sacrifice, and because it is honorable to die in battle against infidels.

– New York Times, 9 Jan 2010

A suicide bomber calling himself a “martyr” wants to imply that

he is an innocent hero­victim, forced to die for his religion by the

infidel oppressors.

This suicide­as­media­stunt — acting out the role of outraged

innocent victim as a form of “narrative attack” on others’ minds

— is a far cry from the idea of keeping the faith despite torture

and execution.

But it is the very essence of martyrdom as a psychological

syndrome or character flaw: the martyr complex.

The Martyr Complex

In the psychological sense, a person with a martyr complex is

one who routinely talks about, emphasises, exaggerates and

even creates his own suffering in an attempt to make someone

else appear guilty and take the blame.

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Martyrdom is a sort of implosion of the will. The subconscious

message that martyrdom puts out is something like:

“Those people are constantly oppressing me, denying me my

freedom. All problems in my life are caused by their mistreatment.”

Instead of exercising their personal power, an individual with

overwhelming martyrdom will persistently act as though their

power had been deliberately taken away from them.

Positive and Negative Poles

In the case of martyrdom, the positive pole is termed

SELFLESSNESS and the negative pole is termed

MORTIFICATION.

+ selflessness +

|

MARTYRDOM

|

– mortification –

“Mortification“, which literally means “putting to death”, refers

to self­inflicted suffering and torment. In this negative pole,

there is a distorted (subconscious) belief that tremendous

suffering is necessary, whether privately to atone for one’s sins

or publicly to attract sympathy and pin the blame on others. The

individual will be unconsciously compelled to experience

situations in which they are apparently victimised, mistreated

and persecuted. Some will even go so far as to die to prove their

point (“Behold my terrible fate, which is somebody else’s fault”).

Famous examples include:

Joan of Arc

Jimmy Swaggart

“Selflessness” refers to a conscious willingness to put others’

needs and wants first. Ideally, this is out of choice rather than

just a performance, which is more often the case with

martyrdom.

If an individual with a streak of martyrdom is relatively self­

aware and in control of their fears, their martyrdom can

manifest in a more relaxed way as selfless commitment (or over­

commitment) to what they see as a good cause. Famous

examples include:

Yoko Ono

Nelson Mandela

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Components of Martyrdom

Like all patterns of false personality, martyrdom involves the

following components:

1. Early negative experiences

2. Misconceptions about the nature of self, life or others

3. A constant fear and sense of insecurity

4. A maladaptive strategy to protect the self

5. A persona to hide all of the above in adulthood

Early Negative Experiences

In the case of martyrdom, the key negative experiences in

childhood revolve around blame, victimisation, and being unable

to do anything right in the eyes of the parents. Typically, the

child is constantly punished for getting it wrong, and constantly

blamed for whatever goes wrong. He might even be portrayed,

unfairly, as the source of all of the parents’ problems.

For example, the child’s parents might blame the child for

getting sick when times are already hard enough. Or the

parents might be intolerant of displays of anger, and regularly

punish the child for showing the slightest hint of it—all of which

merely breeds more outrage and resentment.

This constant blaming and unreasonably punitive treatment

might also contrast sharply with, say, how an older sibling is

treated, or how other kids at school are treated by their own

parents. For example, the child might have an older brother

who can get away with anything, while she gets blamed even

for the brother’s bad behaviour.

Misconceptions

Getting the love, care and attention which all children naturally

crave seems to be an impossible task in this kind of setup.

If I just do as I please, I get punished.

If anything goes wrong, anywhere, I get blamed for it.

Whenever I express myself or assert myself I am rejected.

Whatever is going wrong, it is all supposedly the child’s fault. It

is as if the child has no place in the family—in fact, no place in

the world.

Over time, if such experiences of unfair disapproval and

oppression are faily constant, the child comes to perceive life as

fundamentally cruel and unfair.

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Fear

Based on these misconceptions and bad experiences, the child

becomes gripped by a specific kind of fear. In this case, the fear

is of worthlessness—being of no value to anyone, being

nothing but trouble, being a terrible mistake.

The child experiences a tension between believing that he is

fundamentally worthless and feeling that he is always being

unfairly blamed and punished. His worst fear is that all the

blame he receives is valid—he really is to blame for everything

(after all, like all normal kids, he know he is to blame for some

things).

What if it’s true—that it is all my fault? That everything I do is bad,

know matter how hard I try to be good? Then my life serves no

purpose. I am worse than useless.

Strategy

The basic strategy for coping with this constant fear of

unbearable worthlessness is to twofold:

1. Seek justice and vengeance against wrong­doers.

2. Seek reassuring confirmations of one’s innocence and worth

once and for all.

To do this, the martyr subconsciously attracts and sets up nasty

problems for himself for which others can take the blame. He

lurches from one horrible situation to the next. Within these

situations, not only can he attract sympathy as an innocent

victim, but also he can finally, indirectly, express the anger for

his original mistreatment.

Persona

The outer mask of martyrdom is all about being the innocent

victim. Typically this involves:

constantly moaning, griping, complaining, talking about

one’s problems;

exaggerating one’s level of suffering, hardship, etc.;

avoiding any form of relief, including therapy, lest it end the

all­important suffering.

A person with a chief feature of martyrdom has a habit of

complaining about endless problems and blaming those

problems on anyone or anything but himself. It’s all the fault of

his mother, his boss, his so­called friends, this society, the

government, people in general, life itself.

Blaming others or the world at large is a way of soliciting

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sympathy and avoiding the dreadful inner feeling of

worthlessness. It is as if the martyr is saying to the world, “Look

how much I am suffering, and through no fault of my own!

Please sympathise with me and tell me it’s not my fault!”

For martyrs, the idea of taking responsibility for improving or

correcting their own lives is anathema. All negative personality

patterns are like stuck records, and this one is stuck in a

perpetual state of vicitmisation. To end the suffering would

scupper any chance of having the mistreatment acknowledged

and all wrong­doers finally exposed.

It is important, though, that the suffering be seen as anything

but self­inflicted or exaggerated. Hence, the martyr will

outwardly deny any responsibility for his own suffering, and

always exaggerate the role played by others. The martyr will

also over­stress that his own motives are entirely pure—”I was

only trying to help when suddenly he had a go at me for no

reason!”

Handling Martyrdom

Like all negative traits, martyrdom is a vicious circle. It simply

creates the very experiences which the individual wants to

avoid.

Those with martyrdom will find myriad ways to “tempt fate” in

order to do something that will establish their worth once and for all.

Martyrdom can attract thankless families, wasting diseases,

sabotaged careers, destructive personal relationships, in an almost

constant search for the elusive “grail” of worthiness.

MICHAEL

All people are capable of this kind of behaviour. It is when it

subconsciously dominates someone’s personality, however, that

they are said to have a chief feature of martyrdom.

The solution to martyrdom lies in:

being honest with oneself about using martyrdom

giving up complaining, blaming and the attachment to

being right

giving up the attachment to victimisation and suffering

allowing more pleasure, and being willing to be seen

enjoying life

taking responsibility for one’s choices

learning to say ‘no’ to others

In short, it means swinging to the positive pole of impatience,

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10 ratings

which is ‘audacity’.

Further Reading

For an excellent book abut the chief features

(our inner demons or “dragons”), and how

to handle them, see Transforming Your

Dragons by José Stevens.

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02­09­2009

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36 Responses to “Martyrdom”

17 Jan 2013 at 7:45 pm

The article states that “martyrdom is a negative personality trait, which

causes people to unconsciously attract and exaggerate situations in

which they are apparently victimized, mistreated and persecuted.”

The Catholic Church is responsible for teaching me to live this way.

Self­sacrifice is harm against me. I was giving to find a sense of worth.

I am 57 and often put others needs before my own. I have to change

my view of my true self. This article hit my heart. Every person

involved with an alcoholic or addict needs to read, specifically, those

who attend Al­Anon.

To my girlfriends, I gave and gave and gave. To a group, I gave and

gave and gave. The truth is I have worth without needing to sacrifice

myself including my money, time or knowledge. I wanted to help, but

few reciprocated. I believe, with the help of God, I could rid myself of

this unhealthy attitude and turn my life around. This understanding may

also be an answer to useless guilt.

I grew to hate the nonsense the Catholic Church taught that suffering is

the way to heaven, that self­sacrifice is a way of life. What bunk.

Steven