CHAPTERONE

TheLittleFishGirl

Iwasn'tbornandbroughtuptobeaKyotogeisha.Iwasn'tevenborninKyoto.I'mafisherman'sdaughterfromalittletowncalledYoroidoontheSeaofJapan.Welivedinatinyhouse,highabovethesea,andmyfathersmelledliketheseaevenafterhewashed.

Oneday,manyyearsago,IwasentertainingatapartyinKyotoandamansaidhewasinYoroidoonlylastweek.Ifeltlikeabirdthathasflownacrosstheoceanandfindsanotherbirdthatknowsitsnest.Icouldn'tstopmyself-Isaid:

"Yoroido!That'swhereIgrewup."

Themandidn'tbelieveme.

"Youcan'tmean it,"hesaid,and laughed."You,growingup inYoroido!That'slikemakingteainabucket."

Well, I'd never thought ofYoroido as a bucket, though it's not pretty. Inthosedays, the early1930s, it hadonlyone road leading to the JapanCoastalSeafoodCompany,whichsoldallthefishthatmyfatherandtheotherfishermencaught.

Myfatherwasaveryoldman.Iwastwelvethen,butfromthedayIwasbornIneverlookedlikehimatall.Ialwayslookedlikemymother.Wehadthesamestrangeeyes;youhardlyeversaweyeslikeoursinJapan.Insteadofbeingdarkbrownlikeeveryonerise's,mymother'seyeswereashininggrayandminearejustthesame.It'sthewaterinbothourpersonalities.Myfatherhadwoodinhispersonality;motherandIwerefullofwater.

But all thewaterwas running out ofmother because of her illness.Youcouldseeeveryboneinherfacegettingharderandharderasthewaterdriedout.Dr.Miuravisitedhereverytimehecametoourvillage.

"Chiyo-chan,"myfatherwouldsaytome,"getthedoctoracupoftea."

MynamebackthenwasChiyo.ItwasmanyyearsbeforeIwasknownby

mygeishaname,Sayuri.

"Sakamoto-san,"saidthedoctortomyfather,onetime,"youneedtohaveatalkwithoneofthewomeninthevillage.Askthemtomakeanewdressforyourwife.Sheshouldn'tdieinthatolddressshe'swearing."

"Soshe'sgoingtodiesoon?"askedmyfather.

"Afewmoreweeks,maybe,"saidDr.Miura.

AfterthatIcouldn'theartheirvoicesforatime.Andthen..."IthoughtI'ddiefirst,"myfatherwassaying.

"You're an oldman, Sakamoto-san.But youmight have another year ortwo."

One afternoon I came home from school and found Mr. Tanaka Ichirowalkingupthepathtomyhouse.Mr.Tanaka'sfamilyownedtheJapanCoastalSeafoodCompany.Hedidn'twearpeasantclotheslikethefishermen.Heworeaman'skimonowithkimonopants.

"Ah,Chiyo,"saidMr.Tanaka."Dr.Miuratoldmethatyourmother'ssick.Giveherthis."Hehandedmeapacketwrappedinricepaper,aboutthesizeofafishhead."It'sChinesemedicine,"he toldme."Don't listen toDr.Miura ifhesaysit'sworthless."

Heturnedtogobutthenturnedbackagain."Iknowaman,"hesaid."He'soldernow,butwhenhewasaboyaboutyourage,hisfatherdied.Thefollowingyearhismotherdied.Soundsabitlikeyou,don'tyouthink?"

Mr.TanakagavemealookthatmeantIhadtoagreewithhim."Well,thatman's name is Tanaka Ichiro," he continued. "I was taken in by the Tanakafamilyattheageoftwelve.Theygavemeanewstart."

The next day I came home from school and found Mr. Tanaka sittingacrossfrommyfatheratthelittletableinourhouse.

"So,Sakamoto,whatdoyouthinkofmyidea?"

"Idon'tknow,sir,"saidmyfather."Ican'timagineChiyolivinganywhere

else."

PartofmehopeddesperatelythatMr.Tanakawouldadoptme,butIwasalso ashamed that Iwanted to live anywhere exceptmy little house above thesea.AsMr.Tanakaleft,Iheardmyfathercrying.

ThenextdayMr.Tanakacametocollectmeinalittlecartpulledbytwohorses.Ithoughtweweregoingtohishousebutwedrovetothetrainstation.Atall,thinmanmetusthere.

"ThisisMr.Bekku,"saidMr.Tanaka.Andthenhedroveawayagain.Mr.Bekkugavemealookofdisgust.

"Fish!Ugh!Yousmelloffish,"hesaid.

Whenthetraincame,Mr.BekkuandIgoton.Assoonaswesatdownhetookoutacombandstartedpullingitthroughmyhair.IthurtalotandalthoughItriednottocry,intheendIdid.

Thenhestoppeddoingit.Thetrainwentonandon,awayfrommyhome.

"Wherearewegoing?"Iasked,afteratime.

"Kyoto,"saidMr.Bekku.Itwastheonlywordhesaidtomeonthelongtrainjourney.KyotosoundedasforeigntomeasHongKongorevenNewYork,whichI'donceheardDr.Miuratalkabout.

I could see little of the city aswe nearedKyoto station, but then Iwasastonishedtoseerooftopafterrooftop,alltouching,asfarasthedistanthills.Icouldneverhaveimaginedacitysohuge.

Backinthe1930stherewerestillrickshawsinKyoto.Mr.Bekkuledmeby the elbow andwe climbed into a rickshaw. "Cion,"Mr. Bekku said to therickshawdriver.ItwasthefirsttimeIeverheardthenameofthefamousgeishaareaofKyoto.

I fellback in theseatas therickshawdriverpickedup thepolesandranthroughthestreets.

"Won'tyoupleasetellmewhereI'mgoing?"IsaidtoMr.Bekku.

ForamomentI thoughthewasn'tgoingtoreply.Thenhesaid,"Toyournewhome."

SoonweturnedontoastreetthatseemedasbroadasthewholevillageofYoroido. I could hardly see the other side because of all the people, bicycles,cars,andtrucks.I'dneverseenacaroratruckbefore-exceptinphotographs.

Afteralongtimetherickshawturneddownanalleyofwoodenhouses.WestoppedandMr.Bekkutoldmetogetout.ThereinthedoorwaystoodthemostbeautifulwomanI'deverseen,wearingakimonomoreperfectthananythingI'deverimagined.Itwaswaterbluewithwhitelinesthatcurledlikethecurrentinastream when she moved. It was pure silk. And her clothing wasn't the onlyextraordinarythingabouther;herfacewaspaintedakindofrichwhite, likeacloudlitbythesun.

ThiswasHatsumomo. Ididn'tknow it thenbut shewasoneof themostfamousgeishainGion.Shewasatinywoman;evenwithherblack,shinyhairuphighshecameonlytoMr.Bekku'sshoulder.

"Mr.Bekku,"saidHatsumomo."Whatisthatstrongsmelloffish?Couldyoutakethegarbageoutlater,please.Iwanttopassby."

Therewasnogarbagethere;shewastalkingaboutme.

Mr.Bekku ledmepastHatsumomo into the small, eleganthouse. Itwasbuiltuponstones,withenoughspaceunder it foracat tocrawlunder. Inside,thehallhadawoodenfloor thatshone in theyellowlightofelectric lamps.Adoorslidbackandawomancameout,smokingapipe.

"Thisisthenewgirl,Mrs.Nitta,"saidMr.Bekku.

"Ah, yes. The little fish girl," said thewoman. "Come closer, I want tohavealookatyou.Heavens!Whatamazingeyes!You'reabeautifulgirl,aren'tyou?"

ShespokewiththesamepeculiaraccentasMr.BekkuandHatsumomo.Itsoundedsodifferent from theJapanesespoken inmyvillage that Ihadahardtimeunderstandingher. I couldn't look at her, so I keptmy eyes downon thewoodenfloor.

"There'snoneedtoworry,littlegirl.Noone'sgoingtocookyou.MynameisMrs.NittaandthisistheNittaokiya."

I raised my eyes a little. Her kimono was yellow, with smooth, brownbranches carrying lovely green and orange leaves. It was made of the mostbeautiful,delicate,thinsilk.ThenIraisedmyeyeshigherandalmostcriedoutinshock.Thecolorsofherfacewereallwrong.Hereyelidswereredlikemeatandhergumsand tongueweregray. I later learned that thiswasdue toaproblemwithherdiet,butatthetimeIjuststaredinhorror.

"Whatareyoulookingat?"saidMrs.Nitta,assmokefromherpiperosefromherface.

"I'mverysorry,ma'am.Iwaslookingatyourkimono,"Itoldher."Idon'tthinkI'veeverseenanythinglikeit."

Thismusthavebeentherightanswer-iftherewasarightanswer-becauseshelaughed,thoughthelaughsoundedlikeacough.

"Soyou like it, doyou," she said, continuing to coughor laugh, I didn'tknowwhich."Doyouhaveanyideawhatitcost?"

"No,ma'am."

"Morethanyoudid,that'scertain."

A young girl came out into the hall, carrying a wooden bucket full ofwater.Shewasalittleolderthanme,thirteenorfourteen.Herbodywasthin,buther face was round. Even when she was a geisha in Gion many years later,everybodycalledherPumpkin.

"Ah,Pumpkin,"saidMrs.Nitta."Getthelittlefishgirlcleanandgetheroutofthosepeasantclothes."

"Yes,ma'am,"saidPumpkin.

She ledme through the hall to a courtyard in the back.The bucketwasheavyforherandwhensheputitdownhalfthewaterspilledoutoverthedirtfloor.

"Whereonearthdidyoucomefrom?"shesaid.

I didn't want to say I'd come from Yoroido. Pumpkin's accent was asstrangetomeaseverybodyelse's.Iwassureshewouldn'tknowwhereYoroidowas.IsaidinsteadthatI'djustarrived.

"I thought I'd never see another girlmy age," she said tome. "Why areyoureyesthatcolor?"

Ididn't answer that,but tookmyclothesoff soPumpkincouldwashmewith a cloth she took out of the bucket.After that, shewent to a room in thecourtyardandgotmeakimono. Itwasmadeof roughcotton inasimpledarkbluepattern,butitwascertainlymoreelegantthananythingI'dwornbefore.

"Idon'tevenwanttoknowyournameyet,"saidPumpkin."Ihavetolearnnewnamesallthetime.Mrs.Nittadidn'tlikethelastgirlwhocameandshewasonlyhereamonth."

"Whatwillhappeniftheydon'twanttokeepme?"

"It'sbetterforyouiftheykeepyou."

"Why?What...whatisthisplace?"

"It'sanokiya.It'swheregeishalive.OurgeishaiscalledHatsumomoandwe look after her and do everything for her. She earns all themoney for theokiya.Ifyouworkveryhard,you'llgrowuptobeageishayourself.Butittakesyearsoftraining."

Ihadasuddenimageinmymindofmypoor,sickmotherinbed,pushingherselfupononeelbowandlookingaroundtoseewhereI'dgone.TearscameintomyeyesbeforeIcouldthinkhowtostopthem.

CHAPTERTWO

NoEscape

During those first few weeks in that strange place, I couldn't have feltworse if I'd lostmyarmsandlegs, rather thanmyfamilyandmyhome.Iwasconfusedandmiserable,andIhadnodoubt that lifewouldneveragainbe thesame.

But,strangely,duringallthattime,IfeltanunreasonablewarmthforMrs.Nitta-something like the feeling that a fishmight have for the fishermanwhopullsthehookfromitslip.ProbablythiswasbecauseIsawhernomorethanafewminuteseachdaywhilecleaningherroom.Shewasalwaysthere,sittingatthe table with an account book open in front her. The accounts were alwaysorganized,butnothingelsewas.ShewasmessiereventhanHatsumomo.

Hatsumomolivedlikeaqueenintheokiyabecausesheearnedtheincomefrom which we all lived. And honestly, I've never seen a more astonishing-lookingwoman.Men in the street sometimesstoppedand took theircigarettesfromtheirmouthstostareather.

Her room was the largest in the okiya, larger than my entire house inYoroido.Atfirst,Ididn'tunderstandwhyitwassomuchbiggereventhanMrs.Nitta's.ThenPumpkintoldmethatinthepastthere'dbeenthreeorfourgeishaintheokiyaandthey'dallslepttogetherinthatoneroom,butHatsumomowastheonlygeishaintheokiyanow.

IalwaystriedtocleantheroomassoonasHatsumomoleftforherdancelessons.Iwasworriedaboutwhatmighthappenifshecamebackandfoundmealoneinthere.Ihardlysawherbecauseofthebusylifesheled,butIwasstillterrifiedofher.

One day, when I'd been in the okiya about a month,Mrs. Nitta ledmeupstairstoHatsumomo'sroom,towatchherputonhermake-up.

Beforewewentin,Mrs.NittawarnedmenottogetinHatsumomo'sway.This is because,without hermake-up, a geisha is like any otherwoman. She

onlybecomesageishawhenshesits infrontofhermirror toputhermake-upon.AndIdon'tjustmeanthatthisiswhenshebeginstolooklikeageisha;thisiswhenshebeginstothinklikeonetoo.

Hatsumomotoldmetosittothesideofherandjustbehind.Fromthere,Icouldseeherfaceinthetinymirroronhermakeuptable.Shehadhalfadozenmake-upbrushesofdifferentsizesandshapes.She toldmewhat theywereallcalledandhowtousethem.

"Now,whydoyousupposeI'veshownyouthesethings?"shesaid.

"SoI'llunderstandhowyouputonyourmake-up,"Isaid.

"Heavens,no!I'veshownthemtoyousoyou'llseethereisn'tanymagictoit.Howsadforyou!Because itmeans thatmake-upalonewon'tbeenough tochangethelittlefishgirlintosomethingbeautiful."

Hatsumomo turned back to the mirror and sang quietly to herself. Shepaintedherfaceandneckwithapaleyellowcream,butlefthereyesbareaswellastheareaaroundherlipsandnose.Thensheusedthesmallerbrushesontheseareas.Iknewthatinanhourortwo,menwouldbelookingwithastonishmentatthatface;andIwouldstillbehere,cleaningthecourtyardandthetoiletsintheokiya,washingthericebowls,andsweating.

"I knowwhat you're thinking," saidHatsumomo. "You're thinking you'llneverbesobeautiful.Well,it'sperfectlytrue."

Thenshesentmedowntotheroominthecourtyardtogetherakimono.OutsidetheroomIsawMr.Bekku.IknewnowthatcollectingyounggirlsfromfishingvillageswasnotMr.Bekku'sonlyjob.HewasHatsumomo'sdresserandhehelpedherwiththecomplicatedjobofdressinginthemanyelegantkimonosthattheokiyaowned.

"Oh,it'syou,"saidHatsumomo,whenIreturnedwithakimono."IthoughtIheardalittlemouseorsomething.Tellme,areyoutheonewhore-arrangesallmymake-upjars?"

"I'mverysorry,ma'am,"Isaid."Ionlymovethemtodustunderneath."

"Butifyoutouchthem,"shesaid,"they'llstarttosmelllikeyou.Andthen

themenwillsaytome,'Hatsumomo-san,yousmelljustlikeastupidgirlfromafishingvillage.'I'msureyouunderstandthat,don'tyou?Butrepeatit,justtobesure.Whydon'tIwantyoutotouchmymake-up?"

Itwasdifficulttomakemyselfsayit,butintheendIdid.

"Becauseitwillstarttosmelllikeme,"Isaid.

"That'sverygood.Andwhatwillthemensay?"

"They'll say, 'Hatsumomo-san, you smell just like a stupid girl from afishingvillage.'"

"Hmmm...there'ssomethingaboutthewayyousaiditthatIdon'tlike."

Hatsumomosmiledandstoodveryclosetome.Ithoughtshewasgoingtowhisperinmyear,butshehitmeacrossthefacewithheropenhand.

ImusthaverunoutoftheroombecausethenextthingIcanrememberisMrs.Nittaopeningherdoorwhileshewasstilltalkingonthephone.Iwentintoherroom.Mrs.Nittasaid,"Sorry,"intothemouthpieceofthephoneandadded,"Hatsumomoishittingthemaidsagain."

When she was finished on the telephone, she called for Hatsumomo."Hatsumomo!WhathaveyoudonetoChiyo?"

Hatsumomo looked innocent. "Shemoved allmymake-up jars,Mother,andsheputherfingersinthem."

I saidnothing.Mrs.Nittamademesay"sorry" toHatsumomo,and thenshemademesayitagaininacorrectKyotoaccent.

When Hatsumomo left, smiling, Mrs. Nitta said, "I don't think youunderstandyourjobhereintheokiya."Shenoddedattheaccounts."Weallthinkofonlyonething-howwecanhelpHatsumomobesuccessfulasageisha.Idon'twanttohearthatyou'veupsetHatsumomoagain.IfPumpkincanstayoutofherway,socanyou."

"Yes,Mrs.Nitta."

ButIcouldn'tkeepoutofHatsumomo'sway.Sheoftenhitmeacrossthefacewhenwewerealonetogether.AndshealwayscriticizedthewayIlooked,especiallymyeyes.

"Ioncesawadeadmanfishedoutoftheriver,"shesaidtomeonetime,"andhistonguewasjustthesamecolorasyoureyes."

Another time a man came to the okiya at night. He was wearing atraditionalworkman'sjacket.

"You'reaprettyone,"hesaidtomeinalowvoice."What'syourname?"

Ithoughthemustbeaworkman,thoughIdidn'tknowwhathewasdoingintheokiyasolate.Iwasfrightenedofansweringhim,butIsaidmyname.

ThenHatsumomo appeared. As themanwent off toward her room, shestoppedandspoketome.Shesoundedlikeanangrycat.

"I haven't tried tomakeyour life reallymiserable yet," she said. "But ifyouevermentionthatamancameheretoseeme,thatwillchange."

Iwantedtosaythatshehadsucceededinmakingmylifereallymiserable,even if she hadn't tried.But I didn't say anything; I didn'twant her to hitmeacrossthefaceagain.

About aweek later, very late at night, Iwas comingback from taking adrink ofwater at thewell in the courtyard. I heard the outside door open andHatsumomo came in with another, tall, geisha. Hatsumomo was carrying apackage and I could see that she and the tall geisha had been drinking.Hatsumomodrankalotofbeerandamakuchi,akindoflight,sweetwine.

Hatsumomocaughtme in thehall. "This isourstupidmaid,"shesaid tothe tall geisha. "She has a name, I think, butwhydon't you just call her 'TheLittleFishGirl.'"

"Getussomemoretodrink,LittleFishGirl,"saidthetallgeisha.

"Oh, be quiet,Korin," saidHatsumomo. "You don't needmore to drink.Justlookatthis."

Hatsumomo opened the package. It was a beautiful kimono in differentshadesofgreen,withapatternofredleaves.

Hatsumomosaid,"Korin-san,guesswhosekimonothisis!"

"Iwishitbelongedtome,"saidKorin.

"Well,itdoesn't,"saidHatsumomo."Itbelongstothegeishawehatemorethananyoneelseintheworld."

Korin's eyes widened. "Mameha! You have one of Mameha's kimonos!Howdidyougetit?"

"Hermaidput thepackagedown for aminute at theKaburenjoTheater.Mamehaisdancingthere,"saidHatsumomo."Now,LittleFishGirl,gouptomyroomandgetsomeinkandoneofthosebrushesIuseforwriting."

Ididn'tunderstandwhyHatsumomowantedthesethingsinthehallinthemiddle of the night, but of course I did what she said and brought them.Hatsumomoputtheendofthebrushintheink.Thensheputitintomyhandandheldmyhandoverthelovelykimono.

"Practiceyourwriting,littleChiyo,"shesaid.

"Ican'tdoit,Hatsumomo-san,"Icried.Iheardthenoiseofadooropeningupstairs,butIcouldn'tseeanyone.

"Whata shame,LittleFishGirl," saidHatsumomo, "because IdefinitelyrememberMothersayingthatifyouannoymeagainyoucan'tstartyourtrainingasageisha."

Whenthebrushfirsttouchedthekimono,Korinwasn'thappywithmyfirstfewuncertain brushstrokes. SoHatsumomo instructedme exactly how to ruinthebeautifulkimonowithink.WhenI'ddoneit,shewrappedthekimonoagain.

HatsumomoandKorinopenedthedoortothestreetandHatsumomotoldme to follow them. We walked up the alley to a street running along theShirakawaStream.Back in thosedays, the streets and alleysofGion still hadbeautifulstonesidewalks.Wewalkedalongin themoonlight,pastcherry treeswhose branches dropped down into the blackwater.Wewent over a wooden

bridgeintoapartofGionI'dneverseenbefore.

HatsumomoandKorinstoppedinfrontofawoodendoor.

"You'regoing togive thiskimono to themaid,"Hatsumomo said tome."OrifMissPerfectherselfanswersthedoor,youmaygiveittoher."

Evenwithsomuchfearinmyheart,Icouldn'thelpnoticinghowbeautifulHatsumomowas,nexttothetall,long-facedKorin.Itookthepackagewiththeruinedkimonoandknockedatthedoor.

Themaidwhoopened itwasn't a lot older thanme.Behindher I sawageishaandunderstoodatoncewhytheycalledher"MissPerfect."Herfacewasaperfectoval.

"Asami-san!"saidtheperfectgeisha."Who'sthere?"

Iputthepackageintothemaid'shandsandranbacktotheokiyawithoutwaitingforHatsumomoandKorin.

Thenextmorning I saw themaid,Asami,again.ShewascomingoutofMrs. Nitta's room. Mrs. Nitta immediately sent me to bring Hatsumomo.HatsumomohadseenMameha'smaidtoo,andshestartedspeakingbeforeMrs.Nittaevenopenedhermouth.

"Oh,Mother,Iknowjustwhatyou'regoingtosay.Ifeltterribleaboutthekimono. I tried to stopChiyobefore sheput inkon it but itwas too late.Shemusthavethoughtitwasmine.Idon'tknowwhyshe'shatedmesomuchfromthemomentshecamehere..."

"EverybodyknowsthatyouhateMameha,"Mrs.Nittareplied."Youhateanyonemore successful thanyou.Nowyou listen tome,Hatsumomo. Iwon'thavethissortofbehaviorintheokiya,evenfromyou.IhavegreatrespectforMameha.Andsomeonehastopayforthekimono.Idon'tknowwhathappenedlast night but it's clear whose hand was holding the brush. Pumpkin saw thewholethingfromherdoorway.Chiyowillpay."

Laterthatday,inourtinyroomupstairs,PumpkinandIlayonourfutonsandsheexplaineditalltome.

"I'msorry,"shesaid."ItriedtohelpyouwithMrs.Nitta.ButHatsumomo'slittle trickwith thekimono isgoing tocostyoumoremoney thanyou'veeverimaginedinyourlife."

"But...howwillIpay?"

"When you beginworking as a geisha, you'll pay the okiya back for it.You'll also pay back everything else you'll owe-yourmeals and lessons; yourdoctor'sfees,ifyougetsick.WhydoyouthinkMrs.Nittaspendsallthattimeinherroomwithheraccountbooks?Youowetheokiyaevenforthemoneyitcosttobringyouhere."

IthoughtofmyfatherandMr.Tanaka.IntheweeksI'dspentinGion,I'dcertainly imagined thatmoneyhadchangedhands tobringmehere. I sawmylittlehousebytheseainmymind.

"I'mgoinghome,"IsaidtoPumpkin.

"Ohno!"saidPumpkin."They'llbringyouback.AndthenMrs.Nittawillseeyouasabadinvestment.Shewon'tputmoneyintosomeonewhomightrunawayagain.Shewon'tpayforyourgeishalessons."

ButIdidn'tcare.Atleast,Ididn'tcarethen;Icaredalotlater.

Late that night I lay onmy futon,waiting impatiently for darkness. If Icouldgethomeagain,mymotherwouldn'tsendmeback.Maybeshedidn'tevenknowwhatfatherandMr.Tanakahaddone. Iwould lookafterher,shewouldgetbetter...

IgotupquietlyandglancedatPumpkin,sleepingnexttome.Idressedinmypeasantclothesandshoesandwentouttothecourtyard.

Therewasnomoon. Iwentpast the roomwhere theykeep thekimonosandpulledmyselfuptothelowroof.Slowly,carefully,Ifeltmywayalongtheroofonmyhandsandkneesinthedark.

The roofof thebuildingnextdoorwasastep lower thanours. Iknew itwasanokiya;allthehousesinthisblockwere.Someonewouldbewaitingatthefront door for the geisha to return and they would grab me by the arm as Idroppeddown.SoIcrossedtothenextroofandthenthenext.Andthenoneof

myshoescameoff.

Igrabbedatitasitslippeddowntheroofandfellintothecourtyardbelow.As I did this, I lostmybalance and slid down the roof. I tried to stopmyselfslidingbyholdingontotheroof,but itwassmoothandIfell, justasawomancameoutintothecourtyard.Ihitthegroundatherfeet.

"What'sthis?It'sraininglittlegirls!"

Iwantedtojumpupandrunaway,butonewholesideofmybodyhurt.Ican'tremembergettingbacktotheNittaokiyabutIrememberMrs.Nittacallingthedoctor.AndIremembertheterriblepain.

ThenextdayMrs.Nittacalledmeintoherroom."Ipaidseventy-fiveyenforyou,"shesaid."Thenyouruinedakimonoandnowyou'vebrokenyourarmso I have medical expenses too. Why should I pay for geisha training? Youalreadyowemorethanyou'lleverrepay.Whowouldinvestanotheryeninagirlwhorunsaway?"

AtthatmomentHatsumomocamein.

"You'rethemostexpensivemaidinallofGion,"shesaid."Andyou'llbeamaidfortherestofyourlife."Shesmiled."You'llneverbeageishanow."

All thatwas in thefall.Whenspringcame, thecherry treeswereat theirmostbeautifulinMarayamaParkandalongtheShirakawaStream.Alettercameaddressedtome.ItwasfromMr.Tanakaanditinformedmethatmymotherandmyfatherwerenolongeronthisearth.

CHAPTERTHREE

HatsumomoandMameha

For twoyears now, I'd lived thehard andboring life of amaid.My lifestretchedoutbeforemelikea longpathgoingnowhere.Sometimes,out in thestreet,Iwatchedgirlsofmyagecomingbackfromgeishaschool,talkingtoeachother. Maybe they were just talking about what they were going to have forlunch,buttometheirliveshadapurpose.I,ontheotherhand,wasgoingbacktotheokiyatowashthestonesinthecourtyard.

Iwalkeddown toShijoAvenueand turned toward theKamoRiver.TheMinamizaTheaterwasshowingakabukiplaythatafternoon.ItwasShibaraku,which is one of ourmost famous plays, though I knew nothing about kabukitheateratthetime.

Peoplestreamedupthestepstothetheaterinthespringsunshine.Amongthemenintheirdarkwestern-stylesuitsorkimonos,therewereseveralgeisha.Theyweresobrightlycoloredthattheywerelikebrightfallleavesinthebrownwatersofariver.

The men and the geisha had a purpose-unlike me. I turned toward theShirakawa, but even thewater in that stream seemed tomovewith a purpose,running down toward the Kamo River and from there to Osaka Bay and theInlandSea.Everythinghadapurposeexceptme.I threwmyselfonto the littlestonewallattheedgeofthestreamandcried.

"Oh,theday'stooprettyforsuchunhappiness,"saidavoice.

Themanwhohadspokenhadabroad,calmface.Hewasprobablyaboutforty-fiveyearsold,withgrayhaircombedstraightbackfromhisforehead.HewassoelegantIcouldn'tlookathimforlong.Ilookeddown.

Therewas a geishawith him. "Oh, she's only amaid!" said the geisha."Really,Chairman,thekabukiplaywillbestartingsoon."

InthosedaysIspenta lotof timeinthestreetsofGion, takingthingsto

Hatsumomo at teahouses and bringing them back. On my journeys I'd oftenheardmencalledbytitleslike"DepartmentHead"and"Chairman."

"Please,sir,"IsaidtotheChairman."Don'tmakeyourselflatebecauseofme.I'monlyasillygirl."

"Lookatmeamoment,"hesaid.

I didn't dare disobeyhim. I lookedup.He took a handkerchief fromhispocketandwipedmytears.Ashebentoverme,Icouldsmellthetalcumpowderonhissmoothskin.

"Hereyou are, a beautiful girlwithnothing to fear from life, andyou'reafraidtolookatme.Someone'sbeencrueltoyou.Ormaybelifehasbeencruel."

"Idon'tknow, sir," I said, thoughofcourse Iknewverywellwhy Iwascrying.

"Noneofusfindasmuchkindnessintheworldasweshould,"hetoldme."Keepthehandkerchief."

IknewthenthatIwouldalwayskeepthehandkerchiefandIwouldneverforget him. I closedmy eyes for amoment andwhen I opened them hewasgone.

IrantoShijoAvenueandallthewaytotheeasternendofGion,wheretheGionShrinestood.Iclimbedthestepstotheshrineandbegantopray.WithmyeyesshuttightandtheChairman'shandkerchiefpressedtomyface,IprayedthatsomehowIcouldbecomeageisha.

Pumpkinwasstillatgeishaschool.Shewasaslowlearner.Everydayshespenthourskneelinginthehalltryingtolearntoplayhershamisen,oneoftheinstruments that geisha play at parties. I walked past her because there wassomebodyat thedoor.Wehada lotofvisitorsat the time.Mrs.Nitta'smotherhadjustdied,andpeoplefromalloverGionwerecomingtopaytheirrespects.Thevisitorwastheperfectgeisha,Mameha.

Iwasn'thappytoseeherbecauseIwantedtoforgetthekimonoincident,butthenIrememberedthatMamehahadn'tactuallyseenmethatnight.

"What a beautiful girl,"Mameha said to me. "What unusual gray eyes.What'syourname?"

"Chiyo,ma'am."

Thenextdaytherewasamaidamongthevisitors.AfterasecondortwoIrecognized Asami,Mameha's maid. Tomy surprise, Asami didn't go into theokiyatoseeMrs.Nitta;shespoketomeatthedoor.

"Doyouevergooutoftheokiya,Chiyo?"sheasked.

"Yes,often,"Isaid."Hatsumomoisalwaysforgettingcombs,orshewantsashamisen,andIbringthesethingstoherattheteahouse.OrIgooutandbuyherfoodandbeer."

"Good," said Asami. "Then meet me at the bridge over the ShirakawaStreamatthreeo'clocktomorrow."

Icouldn'tunderstandwhyshewantedmetodothis,butitwasn'tdifficultto leave the okiya;Mrs. Nitta hardly noticedme. So of course I went to thebridgethenextday.AsamiledmetoMameha'sapartment,theoneI'dvisitedatnightwithHatsumomoandKorintwoyearsbefore.

"Chiyoishere,ma'am,"themaidcalledout.

"Allright,thankyou,Asami,"calledMamehafromabackroom.

Mameha's apartment wasn't large, but it was extremely elegant, withbeautifultatamimatsonthefloorthatwereobviouslynewandhadsilkaroundtheedges,nottheusualcotton.

At lastMamehacameoutfromthebackroom,dressed ina lovelywhitekimonowithawaterdesign.Iturnedandbowedverylowonthematswhileshewalkedgracefully to the table.Shearrangedherselfonherkneesoppositeme,drankdelicatelyfromtheteathemaidserved,andthensaid:

"HatsumomohasdrivenotherattractivegirlsoutofGion."

Ifeltstrangelyhappytohearthat.Isaid,"Idon'tknowwhatIdidtomakeherhatemesomuch."

"HatsumomoandIhaveknowneachothersinceIwasagirlofsixandshewasnine," saidMameha. "She'snoharder tounderstand thanacat.Acat thatthinksanothercatiseatingfromitsdish..."

"ButsurelyHatsumomodoesn'tseemeasarival,ma'am?"

"NotintheteahousesofGion,maybe.Butinsidetheokiya.Yousee,Mrs.NittaneveradoptedHatsumomo.Ifshehad,HatsumomowouldbeherdaughterandMrs.NittawouldkeepallHatsumomo'searnings.AndHatsumomoisaverysuccessful geisha!Now,whywould someonewho's as interested inmoney asMrs.NittanotadoptHatsumomo?Theremustbeaverygoodreason,don'tyouthink?"

Thiswasallverynewtome.InoddedandMamehawenton.

"Mrs.Nitta knows verywellwhat sort of adopted daughterHatsumomowould be. She would probably drive Mother out, or at least sell the okiya'scollection of kimonos and retire. SoMrs. Nitta will never adopt her. But shemight adopt you, Chiyo. She might adopt Pumpkin too, but I don't thinkHatsumomoisworriedabouther."

"No.Pumpkin...Shefindsthegeishatrainingdifficult."

"Iknow.Butyou'renottrainingatall,Chiyo.Youcan'tbecomeageishaifyoudon'ttrain."

Ilookeddownanddidn'tsayanything.

"You're a beautiful girl,Chiyo.And you don t look tome like someonewhowantstoliveherlifeasamaid,"saidMameha.

Isaidnothing.Therewassilenceintheroomforamoment.Andthen:

"Youtriedtorunaway,didn'tyou?"

With tears inmy eyes, I toldMameha how I'd tried to escape along therooftops.

"I'msureyou'reanintelligentgirl,Chiyo,"saidMameha."ButIdon'tthinkthatwasaveryintelligentthingtodo.Peoplelikeyouandme,whohavewater

inourpersonalities,don'tchoosewherewe'llflowto."

"Yes,"Isaid."I'mlikeariverthat'sstoppedflowingbecauseHatsumomoisintheway."

"Yes,that'sprobablytrue,"saidMameha,lookingatmecalmly.

"Butriverscanwashawayanythingintheirpath-intime."

FromthemomentIarrivedinMameha'sapartment,Iwonderedwhyshe'dasked me to come. But now my eyes opened. Mameha and Hatsumomoobviouslyhatedeachother- thatwasclear from thekimono incident.ButnowMamehaknewtherewasayounggirlattheokiyaandsawawayofusingmetoget revenge onHatsumomo.Maybe not just revenge;maybe she felt the timewasrighttoberidofHatsumomocompletely.

"Anyhow,"Mamehawent on, "nothingwill change untilMrs. Nitta letsyoustarttraining."

"Idon'thavemuchhopeofeverpersuadingher."

"ThenIwill,"saidMameha.

BeforeIevenhadtimetostartfeelinghappy,Mamehawasexplainingherplan,beginningwiththesystemof"OlderSister"and"YoungerSister,"asitwasinthosedaysinGion.

AsInowknow,there'saceremonylikeaweddingwhenageishatakesayounggirlasherYoungerSister.ThenthegeishaintroducestheYoungerSistertotheownersofalltheimportantteahouses,theonesthathavethebestparties.

TheOlderSistertakesherYoungerSisterwithhertoentertain.Ofcoursefewmenpayhighohanafees tositand talk toa fifteen-year-old,so theOlderSisterandtheowneroftheteahousetalktoamanuntilhedoes.

Eventually, themanwho once needed somuch persuadingmay becometheYoungerSister'sdanna,whenshe'soldenoughtobecomeageishaherself.

HatsumomohadinfactbeenanOlderSister,andagoodone,tooneortwoyoungergeisha.But shewouldn't be a goodOlderSister tome, Iwas sureof

that.InsteadoftakingmetotheMizukiTeahouseandintroducingmethere,shewould,Iwassure,introducemetotheKamoRiver.Andthenpushmein.

A few days after my visit to her apartment, Mameha went to see Mrs.Nitta.Tomysurprise,Mrs.Nittasentforme.

"Now,Chiyo,you'vebeenhereintheokiyaforayear..."

"Twoyears,ma'am."

"In that time I've takenhardly anynotice of you.And then today, alongcomesageishalikeMamehatosayshewantstobeyourOlderSister!HowonearthamItounderstandthis?"

Muchlater,whenIknewmoreaboutMameha,IcouldunderstandjusthowsurprisedMrs.Nittawas.Mameha,asIlaterlearned,wasoneofthetwoorthreebest-known geisha in Japan. Her Older Sister, Mametsuki, had the PrimeMinisterofJapanasherdanna,beforeWorldWarI.

ButasIsawitthen,MamehawasmoreinterestedinharmingHatsumomothanhelpingme.That's howHatsumomo saw it too,whenMrs.Nitta sent forher.Mameha,ofcourse,hadaskedforafeetobemyOlderSisterbutthatdidn'tfoolHatsumomo.

"Really,Mother..."HatsumomosaidtoMrs.Nitta."Mamehadoesn'tneedChiyotomakemoney.Doyouthinkit'sanaccidentthatshe'schosenagirlwholivesinthesameokiyaasIdo?MamehawouldprobablybeOlderSistertoyourlittledogifshethoughtitwoulddrivemeoutofGion."

"Really,Hatsumomo,"saidMrs.Nitta."WhywouldshewanttodriveyououtofGion?"

"BecauseI'mmorebeautiful.Doessheneedabetterreason?Shewantstohumbleme by telling everyone, 'Oh pleasemeetmy newYounger Sister. ShelivesinthesameokiyaasHatsumomo,butthey'vegivenhertomefortraininginstead.'"

"I can't imagine Mameha behaving that way," said Mrs. Nitta, quietly."Hatsumomo,you,ofcourse,willbePumpkin'sOlderSister,"sheadded.

"Ofcourse,"saidHatsumomo.ShespoketoMamehaforthefirsttime,asMameha looked calmly back at her. "If you think you canmakeChiyo into amoresuccessfulgeishathanPumpkin,youcanexpectabigsurprise."

Mamehaignoredher."WillyouarrangeforChiyotostartgeishatrainingatschool?"shesaidtoMrs.Nitta.

"Ofcourse," saidMrs.Nitta,bringingher accountbooks. "Ihadno ideawhatafinedaythiswouldbe."

And it was a fine day forMrs.Nitta. Two famous geishawere fightingeachother to increase the incomeofher twoyounggirls.Sheneeded toadoptoneof thegirls, so that theokiyacontinuedwhenshedied.Shewouldchoosetheonewhoearnedthemost;allthatgirl'searningswouldgototheokiya.

CHAPTERFOUR

FromChiyotoSayuri

PumpkinhadcometotheNittaokiyasixmonthsbeforeIarrived.ShewasborninSapporo.HermotherdiedwhenshewasfiveandherfathersenthertoKyoto to live with an uncle. Then the uncle lost his business and he sentPumpkintoMrs.Nitta.

Pumpkinwas the kind of girl who could get fat quickly, if she had thechance.Buttheydidn'tgiveusmuchtoeatattheokiya,justriceatmostmeals,with soup once a day and a little dried fish twice amonth. Sometimes in thenightI'dhearPumpkin'sstomachmakingnoisesfromhunger.

Onourfirstwalktogeishaschooltogether,shesuddenlysaid,"OhChiyo-chan!Doesn'titmakeyouhungry?"

WewerepassingasmallShintoshrine.Insidethereweresweet-ricecakeson shelves, but Pumpkin didn't mean them. Outside the doorway, just on theedgeofthestreet,therewasasmallpieceoffishonthesidewalk.Youcouldbuyfishlikethatinthestreet;somebodyhaddroppedthelastpiece.Twoflieswerewalkingaroundincirclesonit.

"Pumpkin,"Isaid,"ifyou'rehungry,takeasweet-ricecakefromthatshelf.Don'teatthefish,theflieshavegotit."

"I'mbiggerthantheyare,"saidPumpkin,andshebentdownandpickedupthefish.

"Pumpkin!"Icriedout."Whydon'tyoueatthesidewalk?"

"OK," she said, and she bent down and licked the sidewalk with hertongue.

When Pumpkin got to her feet again, she clearly couldn't believe whatshe'ddone.Butsheputthedirtypieceoffishinhermouthandcheweditallthewaytotheblockwheretheschoolwas.

Inowknowthatonlysomeof thatblockwas theschool itself.Partof itwasactuallytheKaburenjoTheater-wherethegeishaofGionperformDancesoftheOldCapitaleveryspring.

I followedPumpkin intoa longwoodenbuildingnext to the theater; thiswastheschool.Therewasasmellofroastedtealeaveswhichevennowmakesmystomachturnover.Halfwaydownahallwasabig,traditional-styleJapaneseclassroom. We put our names down for four classes that morning-shamisen,dance,teaceremony,andakindofsingingwecallnagauta.

Some people call a shamisen a Japanese guitar, but actually it's a lotsmallerthanaguitar.Ithasathinwoodenneck,andtheentireinstrumentcanbetakenapartandputintoaboxorbagsoyoucancarryitabout.

Pumpkin tried to play shamisen before the class started, but even aftermore than twoyears, as Iknewfrom listening toherpractice, shewasn'tverygoodatit.Theroomtilledwithgirlswhobeganpracticingshamisen.

Then the teacher came in.Shewasa tinyoldwomanwith ahighvoice.HernamewasTeacherMizumiand this iswhatwecalledher toherface.Buthername,Mizumi, sounds likenezumi -mouse;sobehindherbackwecalledherTeacherMouse.

Pumpkin led me to the front of the room, where we bowed to TeacherMouse.

"MayI introduceChiyotoyou,Teacher,"Pumpkinsaid,"andaskyoutoteachherbecausesheisagirlofverylittletalent."

Pumpkinwasn'tbeingrude;thiswasjustthewaypeoplespokebackthen,whentheywantedtobepolite.Myownmotherwouldhavesaiditthesameway.TeacherMouselookedatmeandthensaid,"You'reasmartgirl.Icanseeitjustfromlookingatyou.Maybeyoucanhelpyoursisterwithherlessons."

OfcourseshewastalkingaboutPumpkin.

Thenwewentbacktoourplaces,andTeacherMousecalledagirl tothefrontoftheroom.Afterbowingtotheteacher,thegirlbegantoplay.Inaminuteor twoTeacherMouse told her to stop and said all sorts of unpleasant thingsaboutherplaying;thensheshutherfanandwaveditatthegirltosendhertothe

backoftheroom.

Thiscontinuedformorethananhour,thenitwasPumpkin'sturn.Icouldseeshewasnervousandsheplayedbadly,evenforher.Nobodycouldtellwhattuneshewastryingtoplay.

TeacherMousebangedthetableandtoldhertostop.ShehitherfanonthetabletogivePumpkinthetune.SheputPumpkin'sfingersintherightplaceontheshamisen-butnothinghelped.ShesentPumpkinawaytothebackoftheclassandPumpkinwalkedslowly,withtearsinhereyes.

Iwaspleased thatPumpkin'sotherclassesweren'taspainful towatchasthefirstonehadbeen.Inthedanceclass,forexample,thestudentspracticedthemovestogether,withtheresultthatnoonelookedtoobad.AndPumpkinwasn'ttheworstdancerinthegroup.Thesingingclass,laterinthemorning,wasmoredifficult forherbecauseshecouldn'theara tune.But thereagain, thestudentspracticed together, so Pumpkin was able to hide her mistakes bymoving hermouthalotandsingingquietly.

After I'dbeengoing to these lessons for some time, I started learning toplayasmalldrumwecallatsutsumi.Atpartiesatteahouses,geishasingwithashamisenonly.Butwhentheyperformatthetheater,forexampleinDancesoftheOldCapital every spring, sixormore shamisenplayersplay togetherwithdrumsandotherinstruments.Geishalearntoplayalltheseinstruments.

Mostofthetime,exceptforTeacherMouse,theteachersplayedthetunefirst and thenweall tried toplay itback.And then the teacherwouldcalloutfrom the front things like, "The girl at the back, you must keep your fingerdown,notupintheair."

In all the lessons youwere corrected if you spoke in anything except aKyotoaccent,orifyouwalkedbadlyorsatorkneltbadly.

The last lesson every morning was tea ceremony. Geisha are trained toprepare tea for guests in the traditionalway and to pour the tea into beautifulcups.Eventheguestsmustholdthecupsinaspecialway,soit'sa little likeadance,dancedwhilekneeling.

Alltheseskillsneededpractice,butofcourseintheafternoonIstillhadtocleantheokiya,whichPumpkindidn't.

In the beginning Pumpkin and I practiced shamisen together everyafternoon.Wehadgreatfuntogether;itwasthetimeofdayIlookedforwardtomost.

Thenoneafternoon,whilePumpkinwasteachingmeatune,Hatsumomocameintoourroom.Wedidn'tevenknowshewasintheokiya.

"Oh, look, it'sMameha's futureLittleSister!" she said tome. "I thoughtyouwerestupid,LittleFishGirl,butPumpkinhereisevenmorestupid."

PoorPumpkinputhershamisendownlikeadogputtingitstailbetweenitslegs."HaveIdonesomethingwrong?"sheasked.

HatsumomopulledPumpkin'slipsohardshescreamed.

"Now Iknow," saidHatsumomo, still pulling the lip, "that they call youPumpkinbecauseyourhead really is fullofpumpkin.Nowputyourshamisenawayandgotomyroom."

Pumpkin started to take her shamisen apart; her lip was bleeding.Hatsumomoturnedtome."You'llhavetofindyourselfanotherlittlefriend,"shesaid."AfterPumpkinandIhavehadourtalk,shewon'tspeaktoyouagain.Willyou,Pumpkin?"Pumpkinnodded;shehadnochoice,butIcouldseehowsorryshefelt.Weneverpracticedshamisentogetheragain.

I toldMamehawhathadhappened thenext timeIwent toseeheratherapartment.

"IfPumpkin isn'tallowed tospeak toyou, thenyoumustn't speak tohereither," saidMameha. "You'll only get her into trouble, and she'll have to tellHatsumomowhatyou say.Youmayhave trusted thepoorgirl in thepast,butyoumustn'tanylonger."

Ifeltsosadatthis.Iblewonmyteaandstartedtodrink."Really,Chiyo,youmuststopblowingonyourteainthatway,"saidMameha."Youlooklikeapeasant!Leaveitonthetableuntilit'scoolenoughtodrink."

"I'msorry,"Isaid."Ididn'tknowIwasdoingit."

Mamehaaskedme topourheracupof tea.Thepotwasempty,but she

askedmetodoitanyway.

"No!"saidMameha,whenI'dpouredaselegantlyasIcould."Youhavealovelyarm,andbeautifulskin.Youshouldmakesureeverymanwhositsnearyouseesitatleastonce.Whydoyouthinkthesleevesonkimonosaresobig?It'ssothatmencanseeourarmswhenwepourtea.Nowdoitagain."

I imagined myself inside a teahouse, sliding open the door of a tatamiroom.Thementurnedtheirheadstolookatme,andIsawtheChairmanthereamong them. I smelled his talcum powder. In his smooth fingers he held ateacup.Ipouredtheteaforhim,showinghimmyarm,andfelthiseyesonmeasIdidit.

"That'sbetter,"saidMameha.

Somepeoplesaythatwhenayounggirlhasfinishedhertrainingandshe'sreadytobecomeanovicegeisha,she'slikeabirdthat'sreadytoleavethenest.Idon'tagreeatall!Abirdonlyhastogrowbigenoughandthenfly.Iworkedfortwo hard years at shamisen, singing, tea ceremony, and many other skills. IlearnedtospeakinaKyotoaccentandnottobehavelikeapeasant.Butfinally,oneday,thetimeoftheceremonytomakemeanovicegeishawasatlastnear.

Thefirststepwastohavemyhairdonethewayallnovicegeishaworeit.Gionhadquitealotofhairdressersinthosedays;Mameha'sworkedinaroomaboveafishrestaurant.IhadtospendnearlytwohourswaitingformyturnandI'msorrytosaythatthesmellofdirtyhairintherewasterrible.Thehairstylesthatgeishaworeinthosedaysweresocomplicatedandexpensivethatnobodywenttothehairdressermorethanonceaweek.

Whenmyturncameat last, thehairdresserputmeovera largesink inaposition thatmademe think hewanted to cutmyhead off.Then he poured abucketofwarmwaterovermyhairandbegantowashitbyrubbingsoaphardintomyhead.Iwasalmostintearsfromthepain.

"Cry if you have to," said the hairdresser. "Whydo you think I put youoverasink?"

Hethoughtthatwasajoke,butIdidn'tthinkitwasfunny.Iwasintherefor twohours,butmyproblemswithmyhairwere justbeginning. If anovicegeishagoestosleeponapillowaftershehashadherhairdone,itwillspoil it

andshewillhavetogobacktothehairdresseragainthenextday.

So novices sleep on a special pillow called a takamakura.You don't putyourhairoryourheadonthistakamakura.Youputyourneckonitandthengotosleepwithoutmoving.

Andthenthere'sthekimono.InthebeginningIcouldhardlywalkatallinthespecialkimonothatnoviceswore.IwasworriedthatImightfallover.Younggirlswearaverylongobi-thewidebeltaroundthekimono.It'slongerthantheobithatolderwomenwear.Theobiisveryheavyandsolongthatitwillgofromoneendofaroomtotheother.Thekimonoitselfisalsoveryheavy,withlongsleeves.

Andthecolorsonanovice'skimono...YearslaterImetafamousscientistfromKyoto University. He'd been to Africa and seen all the brightly coloredmonkeys; the most colorful animals in the world. But he said that a novicegeishafromGioninkimonowasbrighterthananyofthem.

OnesunnyOctoberafternoonIwaswearingmynovice'skimonoandhadmy hair in novice style, when Mameha and I left Mameha's apartment andwalked along theShirakawa.Wewerewatching the leaves of the cherry treesfloat down to thewater.Manypeoplewere outwalking there and all of thembowed toMameha. Inmany cases they also bowed tome. I wondered if theChairmanwouldthinkIlookedbeautiful.Ifoundmyselflookingoutforhiminthestreet,asIoftendid.

"After two years of training you're getting ratherwell-known, don't youthink?" said Mameha. "People are always asking me about the girl with thelovelygrayeyes.Youwon'tbecalledChiyomuchlonger."

"DoesMameha-sanmeantosay..."

"You'regoingtomakeafinegeisha,"saidMameha,"butyou11makeanevenbetteroneifyouthinkaboutwhatyouaresayingwithyoureyes."

"Ididn'tknowIwassayinganythingwiththem,"Isaid.

"Awoman can saymore with her eyes than with any other part of herbody,"saidMameha,"especiallyinyourcase.SoIthinkwecansaythatyouarereadytostartasageishaassoonasyoucanmakeamanfaintwithyoureyes."

"Mameha-san!"Isaid."IfIcoulddothat,I'msureIwouldknowaboutitbynow."

ButIwantedtobeageishasomuchthatIwouldhavetriedtomakeatreefaintifMamehahadtoldmeto.Thefirstmanwesawwassoold,though,thathelookedlikeakimonofullofbones.Hedidn'tnoticemeatall,soweturnedintoShijoAvenue.

Therewasadeliveryboycarryingsomelunchboxes.

"Makehimdrophisboxes,"saidMameha,andshecrossedthestreetanddisappeared.

Ididn'tthinkitwaspossibleforagirlofsixteentomakeayoungmandropsomethingjustby lookingathim;maybethese thingshappenedinmoviesandbooks.But Inoticed that theyoungmanwasalready lookingatme thewayahungrycatlooksatamouse.AndIalsonoticedthatalthoughmostofthestreetsinGiondidn'thaveacurb,thisonedid.

I looked up at him, smiled, then looked down again. After a fewmorestepsIdidthesamethingagain.Whenwewereclose,Imovedintohispathandlookedhimrightintheeye.Hetriedtomoveoutofmyway,buthisfeethitthecurbandhewentdown.Well,Icouldn'thelplaughing!AndI'mhappytosaytheyoungmanbegantolaughtoo.Ihelpedhimpickuphisboxes,gavehimalittlesmilebeforehebowedtomemoredeeplythananymanhadeverbowedbefore,andthenhewentonhisway.

Theceremony tookplaceat the IchirikiTeahouse,which is certainly thebest-known teahouse in all of Japan. You can't see most teahouses from thestreet,buttheIchiriki,onShijoAvenue,isasobviousasapalace-whichiswhatitlookedliketome.

TwoofMamehasYoungerSistersandMrs.Nittacametotheceremony,whichlastedabouttenminutes.MamehaandIdranksaketogether.Idrankthreetimesand thenpassedher thecupandshedrank three times.Wedid thiswiththreedifferentcupsandthenitfinished.

From that moment, I was no longer known as Chiyo. I was the novicegeishaSayuri.

CHAPTERFIVE

TheNoviceGeisha

The 1930s was the time of the Depression, so there were fewer formalparties forme togo to thanMamehawouldhave liked.Butwewent to smallpartiesandnotonlyattheteahouses.Wewenttoswimmingpartiesontheriver,wewenttosightseeingpartiesandkabukiplays.

Atsomeofthepartiestherewerewritersandkabukiactors.ButI'msorrytosaythattheusualgeishapartywasmoreboring.Thepartywasoftengivenbya small company for another small company they did business with. Theconversation usually wasn't very intelligent. A man might turn to the geishabesidehimandsay,"Theweathercertainlyisunusuallywarm,don'tyouthink?"Andthegeishawouldreplywithsomethinglike,"Oh,yes,verywarm."

After the conversation there would usually be a drinking game, or thegeisha would try to get all the men singing. Sometimes the geisha playedchildren'sgameswiththebusinessmen,tokeepthemhappy.

Theformalpartiesweretheworst.TherewasoneatKansaiInternationalHotel.GuestssatshouldertoshoulderinaU-shapearoundtheoutsideofabigroomwithtatamimatsonthefloor.ThegeishahadtomoveinsidetheU-shape,kneeling in front of each guest long enough to pour sake and chat. It wasn'texactly exciting, and it was even less exciting for a novice like me than forMameha. Whenever Mameha introduced herself to a guest I did the same,bowingverylowandsaying,"MynameisSayuri;I'manovice."AfterthatIsaidnothingandnoonesaidanythingtome.

BecauseIwasanovice,Iwasnotsupposedtodrinksake-novicesshouldseemchildlike.Butsometimesthemenpouredadrinkandmademedrinkit.OnthoseoccasionsMamehaalwaysrescuedme,saying,"It'syourfirstdayinGion,Sayuri.Youcan'tgetdrunk.Justwetyour lips."AndIwould"drink" thesakewithmylipsclosed.

Itwas justafteroneof theseoccasions-I remember themanwhowantedmetodrinksakehadverybadskin-thatHatsumomoandPumpkinfirststarted

followingus.WewereattheKomoriyaTeahouse.I'djustdriedmylipsfromthesakewhen I sawHatsumomo smiling at me from the other side of the table.Mamehasawthefearinmyfaceandweleft.

That victory for Hatsumomowas quickly followed bymany others.Wewent to a party at Kyoto University. Hatsumomo and Pumpkin appeared tenminutesafterwe'darrived.

"Really,Idon'tthinkthere'sanythingmoredifficultthanbeinganovice,"Hatsumomo said to the man who was talking to me. "Don't you think so,Sayuri?"

Hatsumomohadtworeasonsformakingthis"innocent"remark.First,theman I was talking to forgot all aboutme and had eyes only for Hatsumomo.Secondly,itwasmeanttoremindusthatPumpkinwasnolongeranovice.She'dmovedtothenextstageinbecomingageishaapprentice;shewasgoingtoalotofparties,andshewasearningalotmoreinohanafeesthanme.

Icouldn'tthinkofasmartreplytoHatsumomo,butluckilyMamehaspokeforme:

"You'recertainlyrightaboutthenovicetimebeingadifficult timeoflifefor you, Hatsumomo-san. Though, of course, you were more awkward thanmost."

Hatsumomo just smiled. Men don't come to parties to listen to geishaarguing,so,again,welefttheparty.

MamehabegantotakemetopartiesthatshethoughtHatsumomowouldn'tknowabout,butHatsumomoandPumpkinalwaysappearedjustafewminutesafterwearrived.

IknewthatMamehawasalsoworriedthatHatsumomowastellingstories,lies,aboutme.Itseemsthatshe'ddrivenrivalsoutofGionbeforebydoingthis.

Thingswerebadbut they soongotworse.Mameha and I had justmadeourselveslookrudebyleavingapartyshortlyafterwearrived,togetawayfromHatsumomo and Pumpkin,whenMameha pulledme into an empty room andheldmebythewrist.

"Didyoutellthatterriblewomanwherewewouldbetonight?"sheasked.

"No,Mameha-san.Ididn'tknowmyselfwhereweweregoinguntilIgottoyourapartment."

"Yes...Yes,ofcourse.Thenhowdoesshe...?Isitmymaid?ButnoAsamiwouldn't...Comeon!"

"Wherearewegoing?"

"NagaTeruomijustarrivedintownfromTokyo.Doyouknowhim?He'sone ofTokyo's best youngmusicians.Anyway, he's giving a very small partythisevening.We'llbesafethere;hardlyanybodyknowshe'seveninKyoto."

ThepartywasataverysmallteahouseneartheGionshrine,ineastGion.Tenminutes afterwe arrived,Hatsumomo andPumpkin came in.Hatsumomoquicklygoteverybody'sattentionandcontinuedherconversation from the lastparty.

"Iwasjustsayinghowdifficultitistobeanovice,"Hatsumomotoldtheentireparty;everybodywaslisteningtoher."I'lltellyouastoryaboutanovice...Ohno,Ican't-there'sonehere,atthisparty."

This,ofcourse,wasme.

"Iwanttohearthisstory,"saidoneofthemen,justasHatsumomoknewhewould.

"Ohverywell.ButI'lltellittoyouonlyifyouallpromisethatyouwon'tthinkofthispoorgirlhereasyoulisten.Picturesomeothergirlinyourmind."

Hatsumomoreallywasadevil.Themenmightnothavepicturedthestoryhappeningtomeearlier,buttheycertainlywouldnow.

"Letmesee,wherewasI?"Hatsumomobegan."Ohyes.Well,thisnoviceImentioned...Ican'trememberhername,butIoughttogiveheroneoryouwillconfuseherwiththisgirlhere.Tellme,littlenovice...what'syourname?"

Sayuri,ma'am," I said,my face hotwith nervousness. Everybody at thepartylookedatmeandthenlookedbacktoHatsumomo.

"Sayuri! How lovely! Somehow it doesn't suit you. Well, let's call thisnoviceinthestory'Mayuri.'Ohyes,Iremembernow,Mayurihadfunny-coloredeyes.Somepeoplethoughttheywerethecolorofdeadworms."

I glanced at Mameha, but I could see there was nothing she could do.Hatsumomo,smiling,continued:

Anyway,thisnovicebecameanapprenticeandthenageishaveryquickly,andonedayitwastimeforhermizuage."

Someof themenat theparty,drunkon sake, laughedat this.Ageisha'smizuagewastakenthefirsttimeshespentanightwithaman.Somemenpaidahighfeetobethefirstwithageisha.

Hatsumomolookedlovelierthaneverasshecontinuedherdevilishstory:"Well,afterthemizuage,andthisisthefirsttimethishaseverhappenedinGion,themanwhohadthoughthimselfsoluckyatfirst,askedforhismoneyback.Doyouknowwhy?"

There was a roar of laughter. Of course the drunken men had severalsuggestions,someruderthanothers.Someofthemglancedatmeastheyspoke.

Hatsumomowaslaughingtoo."No,really,thisisserious.Itseemsthatherwholebody..."AndhereHatsumomowavedherdelicatehandstoshowthelineofmybody. "Herwholebody...was thebodyofanoldwoman.Her facewasstillsixteenorseventeenbutunderneath,belowtheneck,wellher..."

Hatsumomowasnowlookingatmedirectlyasshebegantodescribemybodyasthatofanoldwoman.Mamehaledmefromtheroom,withoutstoppingtosaygood-byetoNagaTeruomi.

Mamehaand Iwentdown the stepsof the teahouse.On thebottomstepshestoppedandwaited.Atlastayoungmaidcametoseeusout-thesamemaidwhohadshownusupthestairsearlier.

"What a difficult life you must have as a maid!" Mameha said to her."Probablyyouwantsomanythingsandhavesolittlemoneytospend.Tellme,whatwillyoudowiththemoneyyouhavejustearned?"

"I haven't earned anymoney,ma'am," she said, but I could see shewas

lying.

"HowmuchmoneydidHatsumomopromiseyou?"

Themaidlookedatthefloor.Itwasn'tuntilthismomentthatIunderstoodwhatMamehawas thinking.Aswe learned some time afterward,Hatsumomohadpaidatleastonemaidineveryfirst-classteahouseinGiontotelephonetheNittaokiyaassoonastheysawMamehaandme.

OutinthestreetMamehasaid,"I'mtryingtothinkwherewecango,but...Ican'tthinkofasingleplace.Ifthatwomanhasfoundushere,shecanfindusanywhere inGion. I thinkyou shouldgoback toyourokiya,Sayuri, and staythereuntilIcanthinkofaplan."

Ioughttohavebeenattendingformalpartieseverynight,andtenorfifteeninformalparties too, but instead I stayed in theokiyapracticing shamisen anddance.Myincomefrompartyfeeswasnowzero.

In the next few days I went toMameha's apartment several times, eachtimehopingthatshehadthoughtofaplan,butshehadn't.

"I'msorry,butyoumuststayintheokiyaforalittlelonger,"shesaid."I'mmoredeterminedthanevertodestroythatevilwoman,butuntilI'vethoughtofaplanitwilldoyounogoodatalltofollowmearoundGion."

Of course I was disappointed to hear it, but Mameha was quite right.AnothereveninglikeNagaTeruomi'spartywoulddomemoreharmthangoodasageisha.

Happily,Mameha could still takemewith her to entertain outsideGion,whereHatsumomocouldn'tpaymaidstotellherwherewewere.IwenttoKobewhenMamehaopenedanewfactory.AnothertimeIwentwithMamehaandthepresidentoftheNipponTelephoneCompanyonatourofKyotoinaluxurycar.ThiswasthefirsttimeIsawhowpoorsomepeoplewereintheDepression.Wedrove along the river, south of the city, and I saw dirty women feeding theirbabiesunderthetreesandmenwithnoshoesandnohopedrinkingnexttothem.I realized that evenwithHatsumomoandher cruelty tome, I had a relativelyfortunatelifeduringtheDepression.

OnedayMamehaandIwerewalkingacrossShijoAvenueBridgewhenit

wascleartomefromherfacethatsomethingwaswrong.

"WhatisitMameha-san?"Iasked.

"Well,I'lltellyoubecauseyou'llonlyhearitfromsomeoneelse,"shesaid."YourlittlefriendPumpkinhaswontheapprentice'sprizethisyear.SheearnedmoremoneyfromohanathananyotherapprenticegeishainGion."

"But...buthow?"Isaid.

Mamehasighed."InGion,"shebegan,"averypopulargeishacanalwaysmakesureherYoungerSisterearnsmore thananyoneelse if shedoesn'tminddamagingherownreputation."

MamehaexplainedthatapprenticeslikePumpkinwereexpectedtoattendaboutfivepartiesaneveningandbuildrelationships.Insteadofthis,HatsumomowastakingPumpkinwithhereverywhere,toasmanyastwentypartiesanight.Themenwerepayingtwolotsofohanachargesforageishaandanapprenticewhowere spendingvery little time at the party. In the endbothHatsumomo'sandPumpkin'sreputationswouldsuffer.ButbeforethatHatsumomowouldhavegotwhatshewanted.

"HatsumomowantsPumpkin to lookgoodsoMrs.Nittawilladopther,"Mamehafinishedup."IfPumpkinismadedaughteroftheokiya,Hatsumomoissafe. As Pumpkin's Older Sister, Mrs. Nitta won't throw her out. Do youunderstandwhatI'msaying,Sayuri?IfPumpkinisadopted,you'llneverbefreeofHatsumomo,andit'spossiblethatyou'llbetheonetheythrowout."

Afewdaysafterourconversation,Pumpkin toldme thatMrs.Nittawasgoingtoadopther.Itwasdefinite.

CHAPTERSIX

NobuToshikazu

"We still have a few weeks before Mrs. Nitta adopts Pumpkin," saidMameha."Wearegoingtohavetotakeaction,andquickly."

Inoddedunhappily,notknowingwhatactionwecouldtake;butitseemedthatatlastMamehahadaplan.

"Doyouknowaboutmizuage?"Mamehaaskedme.

The question reminded me of Hatsumomo's terrible story, so I lookeddownandsaidnothing.

Mameha looked at me kindly. "The word mizu means 'water' and agemeans'raiseup.'"

Mamehathentoldmewhathappenswhenamanspendsthenightwithawoman.Shesaidthatsomemenwouldpayalottobethefirstonetospendthenightwithageisha-themizuagenight.Mamehaplannedtointroducemetotwomenwhoshehopedwouldbidagainsteachotherformymizuage.

"Andthenoneofthemwouldbecomemydanna?"Iasked.Ican'tsayIfeltvery enthusiastic about that.When I thought about things like that, I alwaysthoughtabouttheChairman.Ithoughtabouthimallthetimeanyway.

"Not necessarily," saidMameha. "For somemen themizuage is enough.Othermenwillbeageisha'sdannaonlyafterhermizuage."

"So the Baron..." I said, but then I stopped because of the look onMameha'sface.

BaronMatsunagaTsuneyoshiwasMameha'sdanna.HepaidforMameha'slovelyapartment,wherewewerehavingthisconversation.BeforeWorldWarIItherewerequiteafewbaronsinJapanbutMatsunagaTsuneyoshiwasoneoftherichestof them.He lived inTokyo,wherehis familycontrolledoneofJapan's

large banks, but he owned a lot of land around Kyoto. He visited Mamehawheneverhewas in theareaandhewas thedannaofanothergeisha inTokyotoo.

"No,theBarondidn'ttakemymizuage,"Mamehasaid,inawaythatmadeitclearthatthesubjectwasclosed.

"It's strange that Hatsumomo hasn't got a danna," I said, to change thesubject.

Mameha smiled, pleased to change the subject and pleased with mygrowingskillatconversation,whichofcourseisanimportantskillforageisha.

"Shehadadannaatonetime,"saidMameha."Andofcourseshehasalotof admirers. But somehow she angered the mistress of theMizuki, her mainteahouse,sothemistressalwaystoldmenthatHatsumomowasn'tavailable.Themenprobablythoughtthatshealreadyhadadanna."

Then I remembered theeveningyearsagowhenamanvisited theokiyalateatnightandspentthenightwithHatsumomo.Inthemorning,PumpkinandIheardHatsumomocryingbecausethemansaidhewasgoingbacktohiswifeanddidn'twanttovisitheranymore.Pumpkinsaidhewasacookatoneoftherestaurants in Gion. She also told me that if Mrs. Nitta ever found out thatHatsumomobroughtmenbacktotheokiya,thesituationwouldbeserious,evenforageishaasgreatasHatsumomo.

"WhatareyouthinkingaboutSayuri?"askedMameha.

"Nothing,Mameha-san,"Ireplied.

Mamehasmiled."Youaregrowingup,Sayuri,"shesaid.

MamehawasstillattendingamorningengagementwhenIarrivedatherapartment. Her maid showedme into the dressing room to help me with mymake-up,andafterwardbroughtinthekimonothatMamehahadchosenforme.Mamehahadletmewearherkimonosbefore,butinfactit'sunusualforageishatolendherkimonostoaYoungerSister.Mamehawasshowinggreatkindnesstome.

Ididn'trealizeitatthetime,butthebeautifulkimonothatwaslaidouton

thefutonformewaswell-knowninGion;peoplewhosawitprobablythoughtofMamehaatonce.Whensheallowedmetowearit,shewastransferringsomeofhermagicasageishatome.

ItwastheloveliestkimonoI'deverworn-orangesilkwithasilverwaterfallpouringfromthekneeintoadeepblueocean.Theobiwasbrownwithgoldinit.When Mr. Itchoda, Mameha's dresser, had tied the obi, I put the Chairman'shandkerchief in it. I'd brought it from the okiya. I always put it in the sleevewhenIworeakimono.ThenIlookedatmyselfinthemirrorandmymouthfellopeninamazementathowIlooked.

It was amazing to me that Mameha had arranged for me to look sobeautiful;butthenwhenshereturnedtoherapartment,sheherselfchangedintoafairlyplainkimono.Shehadthequietbeautyofapearl,asshealwaysdid,butwhenwewalkeddown the street together, thewomenwhobowedatMamehawerelookingatme.

FromtheGionShrine,werodenorthinarickshawforhalfanhour,intoanareaofKyotoI'dneverseen.AlongthewayMamehatoldmewe'dbeattendinga sumo wrestling exhibition as the guests of Iwamura Ken, who had startedIwamura Electric in Osaka. Iwamura's right-hand man, Nobu Toshikazu,President of Iwamura Electric, would also be there. Nobu was quite a fan ofsumo.HewasalsooneofthemenMamehahopedwouldbidformymizuage.

"Ishouldtellyou,"Mamehasaid,"thatNobulooksalittle...strange.Ifyoubehavewell,youwillimpresshimgreatly."

Mamehagavemealook:shewouldbedisappointedinmeifIdidn't.Butatleastwewouldn'thavetoworryaboutHatsumomo,Mamehatoldme,maybetochangethesubject.Ticketstotheexhibitionhadbeensoldoutweeksbefore.

AtlastweclimbedoutoftherickshawatthecampusofKyotoUniversity.Mamehaledmeupasmallpath,withwestern-stylebuildingsonbothsidesofus.Thewindowsweremadeintotinyglasssquaresbysticksofpaintedwood.Ihadn'tnoticedhowmuchGionseemedlikehometome,untilInoticedmyselffeelingoutofplaceattheUniversity.

Smooth-skinned youngmen stopped to watch asMameha and I walkedpast,andthentheytalkedandjokedwitheachotheraboutus.Tothemwewerecreaturesfromanotherworld.

TheExhibitionHallwashuge,filledwiththenoiseofthepeopleandwithsmoke from roasted sweet-rice cakes. In the center was a square where thewrestlers would try to push each other out of the wrestling area to win thecontest.

Ourplaceswereon tatamimats in the front.Our hostswere there and IsawamanwavinghishandtoMameha;IknewatoncethathewasNobu.Evenfromadistancetheskinofhisfacelookedlikeameltedcandle.Atsometimeinhislifehemusthavesufferedterribleburns.MuchlaterIfoundoutthatwhenhewasayoungsoldier in theJapanesearmy,hehadbeeninjuredin thebombingoutsideSeoulin1910,atthetimewhenJapantookKorea.Hehadbeeninpaineversince.

Next to Nobu, kneeling on the same tatamimat at the front, wearing aman'sstripedkimono,wastheChairman.TheChairmanwaslookingatmewithapparent curiosity. The blood came rushing intomy face,makingmy feet gocold.

"Chairman Iwamura... President Nobu," Mameha said, "this is my newYoungerSister,theapprenticeSayuri."

Bynow Iwas an apprentice, likePumpkin.Andeven a sixteen-year-oldapprenticehadheardofIwamuraKen.ButIneverimaginedforamomentthatIwamuraKenwasthemanI'dmetbytheShirakawaStream.ThiswasthemanIstilldreamedabouteverynight; themanwhosehandkerchiefwasinmyobiatthatverymoment.

Ipickedupasmallteapotandheldthesleeveofmykimonooutofthewayto pour. Tomy astonishment and joy, theChairman's eyesmoved tomy arm.AndthensuddenlyMamehastoppedtalking.ForamomentIdidn'trealizewhattheproblemwas.AndthenInoticedtheteapotagain.InmyhappinessthattheChairman was watching me, I hadn't noticed that it was empty. It had beenemptyevenwhenI'dpickeditup.

Mamehalaughed."Youcanseewhatadeterminedgirlsheis,Chairman,"shesaid."If therehadbeenasingledropofteainthatpot,Sayuriwouldhavepoureditout."

"That certainly is a beautiful kimono your Younger Sister is wearing,Mameha," the Chairman said. "Do I remember seeing it on you, back during

yourdaysasanapprentice?"

"It'spossible,Isuppose,"Mamehareplied."ButtheChairmanhasseenmeinsomanydifferentkimonosovertheyears,Ican'timagineheremembersthemall."

A long look passed between the Chairman and Mameha. Then theChairmansaid,"Well,I'mnodifferentfromanyotherman.Ineverforgetbeauty.ButIcanneverrememberwhichsumowrestleriswhich.Theyalllookthesametome."

Mameha leaned across in front of the Chairman and whispered to me,"WhattheChairmanisreallysayingisthathedoesn'tlikesumo."

"Now,Mameha,"saidtheChairman,"ifyou'retryingtogetmeintroublewithNobu..."

"Chairman,Nobu-sanhasknownforyearshowyoufeel!"

TheChairmansmiledandthenspoketome."Sayuri,isthisyourfirsttimeatsumo?"

I'dbeenwaiting for someexcuse to speakwithhim,but before I'd eventaken a breath to answer, severalwrestlers came into theExhibitionHall.Ourheadsturnedandtheaudiencewentsilent.Nobuhadhisheadturnedawayfromme.Icouldn'tkeepmyeyesofftheterribleburnsonthesideofhisfaceandneckandathisear,halfofwhichwasnotthereatall.ThenIsawthatthesleeveofhisjacketwasempty.Ihadn'tnoticedthatearlier.Nobuhadonlyonearm.

IturnedbacktotheChairman.AsanapprenticegeishaIwasfreetositasquietlyasanarrangementofflowersifIwantedto,butIwasdeterminednottoletthisopportunitypass.

"TheChairmanaskedifthisismyfirsttimeatsumo,"Isaid."Itis,andIwouldbegratefuliftheChairmancouldexplainittome.

"Ifyouwanttoknowwhat'shappening,"saidNobu,"you'dbetter talktome.What'syourname,apprentice?Ididn'thearwhatMamehasaid."

IturnedawayfromtheChairmanwithasmuchdifficultyasahungrychild

turnsawayfromaplateoffood.

"MynameisSayuri,sir,"Isaid.

"Sayuri is a very pretty name-though pretty names and pretty girls don'talwaysgotogether."

Iwondered if his next remarkwas going to be, "What an uglyYoungerSisteryou'vetakenon,Mameha,"orsomethinglikethat,buttomyreliefhesaid,"Here's a case where the name and the girl go together. You have especiallybeautifuleyes.Turntowardme,Sayuri,soIcanhaveanotherlookatthem."

I lookedat him, aswell as I could; then Iwas rescuedby twowrestlersgoingintothesquare.

"The first wrestler who is pushed out of that square is the loser," saidNobu."Itmightlookeasy,buthowwouldyouliketopushahugemanlikethatoutofasquare?"

"I suppose I could comeupbehindhimand shout, sohe jumpedout," Isuggested.

Thiswasamistake."Beserious,"Nobusaid.

Iknowitwasn'taverysmartthingtosay,butthiswasmyfirstattemptatjokingwithaman.ThentheChairmanleanedtowardme.

"Nobu-sandoesn'tjokeaboutsumo,"hesaid,quietly.

"I don't joke about the three things thatmattermost in life,"Nobu said."Sumo,businessandwar."

Theannouncersaid thewinningwrestler'sprizewouldbeagreatdealofmoneygivenbyNobuToshikazo.NobuwasannoyedandsaidtotheChairman,"Themoneyisn'tfromme.It'sfromIwamuraElectric.I'msorry,Chairman.Themanisafool."

"There'snomistake,Nobu.Aftereverythingyouhavedoneformeandthecompany,it'sasmallthingtodo."

"TheChairmanistookind,"saidNobu."Iamverygrateful."LaterIfoundamagazine article about the Chairman's company. I discovered that IwamuraElectric nearly went bankrupt in the early 1920s. Nobu found some newinvestorsandsavedthecompany."IoweNobueverything,"saidtheChairman,inthearticle.HesaidthatNobuwasmorelikeabrotherthanabusinesspartner.

The announcerwelcomed us all and said thewrestlerswere yokozuna -that's the highest rank inwrestling. "Just likeMameha's position inGion," asNobuexplainedtome.ButifMamehaspentaslonggettingreadybeforeshedidanything as these two elephants did, she would never get another partyinvitation.Thewrestlersspentfiveminutesthrowingsaltalloverthesquareandstaringateachother,thenonepushedtheotheroutanditwasfinished.

The audience clapped and shouted, but Nobu said, "That wasn't verygood."

Twomorewrestlerswentintothesquare.Ifeltthatoneearwasconnectedtomymindandtheothertomyheart.OnonesideIlistenedtowhatNobutoldme-andmuchofitwasinteresting.ButIwasalwayslisteningtotheChairman'svoiceontheotherside,ashetalkedwithMameha.Ilovedthesoundofhim.

ThelastfightwasbetweenastarwrestlercalledMiyagiyama,whowasnotquiteasenormousastheothers,andanespeciallyhugemancalledSaiho.

"Hataki-komi," saidNobu, excitedly. "Miyagiyamawill use hataki-komi,youwaitandsee."

Andhedid.ThelargerSaihorushedatMiyagiyamaandthesmallermanused hataki-komi,whichmeans he used the energy of the biggerman's attackagainsthim.Hemovedoutof thewaywhenSaihoranathimandbroughthishanddownontheman'sneckasheranpast,sotherushofSaiho'sownattacktookhimoutofthesquare.

Later, on ourway back toGion,Mameha turned tome excitedly in therickshaw.

"We'regoing tousehataki-komiagainstHatsumomo,"she laughed."ShethinksherrusharoundtheteahouseshasearnedmoremoneyforPumpkinthanIhaveforyou,butwewillseeherrunningoutofGionlikeSaihoranoutofthesquare. Just keepNobu-san interested in you.Everythingdepends onhimand

oneotherman.Oneofthemwillbeyourrescuer."

I felt sick inside at the thought of this. I wanted my rescuer to be theChairman.

CHAPTERSEVEN

Dr.Crab

Two weeks passed, and then one day I received a note to come toMameha's apartment the following afternoon.By now Iwas used to beautifulkimonoswaitingformeonthefuton,soIwasn'tsurprisedatthelovelymedium-weight bright red and yellow silk kimono, which showed leaves in a field ofgoldengrass.ButIwassurprisedtofindatearinthebackofit,largeenoughtoputtwofingersthrough.

"Asami-san," I said toMameha's maid, "the most upsetting thing... thiskimonoisruined."

OfcourseI'dtoldMamehalongagoaboutthepartHatsumomomademeplaywhenherkimonowasruinedwithink,allthoseyearsago.ButIcertainlydidn'twanthertothinkI'druinedanotherkimono.

"No,Miss," saidAsami. "Mameha-san borrowed it from an okiya downthestreet.Sheknowsit'storn.Theunderskirtistorninthesameplace."

I'dalreadyputtheunderskirton.Ireacheddownandfeltmythighthroughthehole.Asamiwasright.

"Mameha-san was very clear that she wanted you to put it on," addedAsami.

Thismadevery little sense tome,but IdidasAsami said.Whenat lastMameharushedin,Iaskedheraboutitwhileshere-didhermake-up.

"I toldyou thatmyplan is tohave twomenbidding foryourmizuage,"saidMameha."YoumetNobu twoweeksago.Theothermanhasbeenoutoftownuntilnow,butwiththehelpofthistornkimono,you'regoingtomeethimnow."

ThementionofNobu'snamemademedepressedagainbecauseamanwillneverhavearelationshipwithageishaifaclosefriendhasbeenwithherforthe

night.Meeting theChairman seemed only to have put him further away fromme.Mameha'snextwordsmademeevenmoredepressed.

"Sayuri,we'rejustgoingtoputalittlecutinyourskin.Justalittleone,soyou can go to the hospital and meet a certain doctor. You know the man Imentionedtoyou?He'sadoctor."

"Can'tIjustsayIhaveastomachache?"

Imeantthisseriously,butMamehaandAsamicouldn'tstoplaughing.

"Sayuri,weonlyneed tomakeyoubleed justa little, justenoughso theDoctorwillbewillingtolookatyou,"smiledMameha.

AsamibroughtaknifefromthekitchenandIlayonthefutonwithaclothundermeandmyeyesclosed.IbitmylipassoonasIfeltthetipoftheknife.Alittleriverofbloodrandownmyleg.

"Goodgirl," saidMameha. "Whenyou are askedhowyou cut your leg,thisisyouranswer.Youweretryingtogotothebathroominyourkimono,andyoufellontosomethingsharp.Youdon'tknowwhatitwasbecauseyoufainted.Makeupallthedetailsyouwant;justbesurethatyousoundverychildish.Andacthelplessatthehospital.Letmeseeyoudoit."

Ilaymyheadbackonthefutonandletmyeyesrollup.Mamehawasn'tatallpleased.

"Ididn'tsayactdead.Isaidacthelpless."

Ipracticedonthewaytothehospital,whileMamehapulledatmykimonotomakesureIstilllookedattractive.AtthehospitalMamehagavemeonefinalinstruction.

"Remember, Sayuri,wewant theDoctor to see you looking as innocentandashelplessaspossible.Liebackandlookweak."Myleghurt,soIhadnodifficultyatallwiththis.Anurseshowedusdownalonghall toadustyroomwithawoodentable.AmomentlaterthedooropenedandincameDr.Crab.

Of course, his namewasn't reallyDr.Crab, but the reason for the namewasobviousenough.Hewalkedbentforwardwithhiselbowsout,inawaythat

madehimlookjustlikeacrab.

He was obviously a very thorough man. He spent a couple of minutesclosing the door,making sure he'd done a good job and that itwouldn't openagain.After thishe tookasmallcasefromhispocketandcarefully tookoutapairofglasses.He lookedatmeandgavea littlenodandfinallyhe lookedatMameha.HewaspleasedtoseeMameha;hismustachemovedalittle.

"I'msosorrytotroubleyou,Doctor,"saidMameha."ButSayurihassuchabrightfutureandnowshehascutherleg.Ithoughtyouweretheonlypersontohelpher."

"Exactly,"saidDr.Crab."Now,couldIhavealookatthecut?"

"I'mafraidSayurigetsweakatthesightofblood,Doctor,"saidMameha."Itmightbebestifsheturnedawayandletyoulookatthecut.It'sonthebackofherthigh."

"Iunderstandperfectly.Couldyoupleaseaskhertolieonherstomachontheexaminingtable?"

I couldn't understand why Dr. Crab didn't ask me himself, but to seemobedientIwaiteduntilI'dheardthewordsfromMameha.Thenthedoctorliftedmykimono as high as he could andput some smelly liquid on the cutwith acloth.

"Sayuri-san,"saidDr.Crab,"pleasetellmehowyoucutyourself."

IbegantotellDr.CrabthestoryI'dagreedwithMameha.Finally,Dr.Crabfinishedwiththesmellyliquidandtoldmehowtolookafterthecutforthenextfewdays.Thenheputmykimonodownagainandputawayhisglasses.

"I'msorryyouhaveruinedsuchafinekimono,"hesaid."ButI'mcertainlyhappyatthechancetohavemetyou.Mameha-sanknowsI'malwaysinterestedinnewfaces."

"I'mverypleasedtohavemetyou,too,"Isaid.

"Imayseeyouoneeveningquite soonat theShiraeTeahouse,"hesaid."Letmesee.I'llbethere..."Thenheputhisglassesbackonagainsohecould

lookata littlebookhe tookoutofhispocket."Yes, I'llbe there twoeveningsfromnow.Idohopetoseeyou."

Mamehaassuredhimwe'dbe there. In the rickshawonourwayback toGionshetoldmeI'ddoneverywell.

LaterthatweekIwasinvitedtotheIchirikiTeahousebyIwamuraElectricandthenIwasinvitedagainwithoutMameha.Mamehatoldmenottostaytoolong,soitwouldlooklikeIhadplentyofotherpartiestogoto.So,afteranhourIbowedandsaidgood-bye,as thoughIwereonmywaytoanotherparty.Forsomereason,Hatsumomodidn'tappear.

ThenIwamuraElectricgaveapartythatwasthesmallestpartyI'dattendedinGion,withonlytwoothergeishaandfourmen,includingtheChairmanandNobu.Thistime,Hatsumomoappeared.HerlovelysmilegrewassoonasNobuenteredtheroom.

Hatsumomohadmissedmy firstmeetingwithNobu at thewrestling, astherehadbeennomaid there to letherknowwewere there.Butsheknewallaboutmy "romantic relationship," as she called it,withNobu,who she calledTheFriedMan.Thiswasacruelreferencetohisface.

So I decided to show her the romantic relationship she'd come to see. Ibeganbytouchingmyneckandmyhairallthetime,asifIwasworriedaboutthewayI looked.ThenI leaned towardNobu.I touched theflowersIwore inmyhairuntiltheyfellintohislap.Theflowersfellontothetatamimatbetweenhis crossed legs. I'd planned to get the flowers out from his lap, with girlishlaughter,butIdidn'thavetheconfidencetodoit.

Nobupickedtheflowersuphimselfandturnedtheminhishand,insteadofgivingthemback."Gettheyoungmaidwhogreetedme,"hesaidtome."TellherIwantthepackageIbrought."

IdidasNobuaskedandreturnedtotheroom.Everyonewaswaitingandwatchingme. Nobuwas still holdingmy flowers and didn't take the packagefromme."Iwasgoingtogiveittoyoulater,onyourwayout,"hesaidtome."ButIthinkIshouldgiveittoyounow."

HenoddedtowardthepackageinawaythatsuggestedIshouldopenit.Ifeltveryembarrassed,butIopenedthepackageandfoundafabulousgoldcomb

tobeworninthehair,intheshapeofahalf-circle.

"It'sanantiqueIfoundafewdaysago,"Nobusaid.

The Chairman moved his lips but seemed to have trouble speaking.Eventuallyhesaid,"Well,Nobu-san! Ihaveneverknownyoudosucha thingbefore."Hisfacewaspaleandhelookedshocked.

Hatsumomostoodandwalkedtowardme.Shekneltnearme,tookthegoldcombandputitinmyhairasgentlyasamotherwithababy.

"Isn't she the loveliest creature," she said toNobu, nodding atme.Thenshegaveadeepsighandsoonafterwardshelefttheparty.

Iwasstillanapprenticeatthattime,notageisha,butforthefirsttimeinmylifeI felt likeageisha.Hatsumomohadnotfoundawaytohurtmeat theparty; I'dbeatenher,usingmygeishaskills.Ofcourse,Hatsumomostillmadetroubleformeatpartieswhenshecould,andsometimesshewonandIlost.Butmyohanafeesbegantoincrease;Iwasindemandatparties,andIwasbecomingwell-known.

When an apprentice geisha becomes available for mizuage, she givesboxes of ekubo to themen she knows. These ekubo are sweet-rice cakes andmostgeishagive themtoat leastadozenmen,maybemore.ButIwouldgivethemonlytoNobuandtheDoctor-ifwewerelucky.

Dr. Crab hadn't appeared at the Shirae Teahouse, aswe'd arrangedwithhimatthehospital.ImanagedtofindPumpkinalone,whenshewentouttobuysakeforHatsumomo,andonabenchbytheShirakawaStreamIfinallymanagedtopersuadehertotellmewhathadhappened.

Pumpkin,please listen tome,"Isaid."Iwouldn'task thisofyouif therewasanyotherway.ButIdon'twanttogobacktobeingamaidandthatiswhatwillhappen ifHatsumomohasherway.Either thator Iwillhave to leave theokiya.Pumpkin,please."

SuddenlytearsrandownPumpkin'sbigcheeks,asifthey'dbeenwaitingtofallforyears.

"Oh,I'msounhappy,Chiyo-chan,"shesaid.ShestillcalledmeChiyoand

IstillcalledherPumpkin,likeeverybodyelsedid.

Pumpkin, just tellme,howdidHatsumomostopDr.Crabcoming to theShiraeTeahouse?"

"Ohthat,"saidPumpkin."Thatwaseasy.ThemaidattheteahousetoldusyouandMamehawereon theguest list foraparty there.Hatsumomoknewatonce.VeryfewimportantpeoplegototheShirae.Crabonlygoestherebecauseheknows it fromhis studentdays,beforehemadeallhismoney.Hatsumomothought of him at once. And besides, he is known in Gion as a mizuagespecialist.'AssoonasHatsumomothoughtofhim,sheknewwhatMamehawasplanning."

"Butwhydidn'thecome?"

"Well,youknowHatsumomo.Shecanmakeanyonebelieveanything.ShetoldtheDoctorthatyouhaveaboyfriendwhospendsthenightwithyouintheokiya.Hatsumomodescribedhim,hesacookinarestaurantaroundthecorner.ShesaidsheknowsaboutitbutMrs.Nittadoesn'tandMrs.Nittawouldthrowyououtoftheokiyaifsheeverfoundout."

I could just imaginehowmuchHatsumomomusthaveenjoyedher littlestory,tellingDr.Crabthatherownloverhadcometoseeme.IaskedPumpkiniftherewasanythingmore,butshesaidno.

Ithankedhermanytimesforhelpingme,andtoldherhowsorryIwasthatshe'dhadtospendtheselastfewyearsasaslavetoHatsumomo.

Pumpkinputherheadonmyshoulderandcried.

MamehawentaroundalltheteahousesinGion,askingpeopletotellherifDr. Crab appeared. After a few nights, word came that he was at a teahousenamed theYashino. I rushed toMameha's apartment to change into a kimonoandthenweleftfortheYashinowithaboxofekubo.

The Yashino was a new teahouse, built in the western style. Instead oftatamimatsonthefloor,theroomwewereshownintohadarmchairsandasofa.Ididn't feelcomfortable in thechairsbutMameha toldmenot tokneelon thefloor.Shesoundedangry.ThenshewentofftofindDr.Crab.

Dr.Crabdidn'tlookatallhappywhenMamehabroughthimintotheroom."Iprefertogetbacktomyparty,"hesaidwhenhesawme."Pleaseexcuseme."

"Sayurihasbroughtsomethingforyou,Doctor,"Mamehatoldhim."Justforamoment,ifyouplease."

AfterthatIthinkMamehaforgotaboutusingthechairsbecausewhenDr.Crabsatdown,webothkneltdowninfrontofhim.

"Pleaseaccepttheseekubo,Doctor,"Isaid,offeringhimthericecakes.

"Whyareyougivingmethese?"

"I'msosorry,Doctor,"saidMameha."ItoldSayurithatyouwouldenjoyreceivingekubofromher.IhopeI'mnotmistaken?"

"Youaremistaken.Maybeyoudon'tknowthisgirlaswellasyouthink.Ihave an excellent opinion of you, Mameha, but I think less of you forintroducingthisgirltome.Isuggestyouaskherabouttheboywhoworksatarestaurantnearherokiya."

Iwaspleasedhe'dmentioned this himself;Mameha and I had fearedhemightnot.

"Sothat'stheproblem!"Mamehasaidtohim."YoumusthavetalkedwithHatsumomo. She has been spreading this story all over Gion. It's completelyuntrue."

"WhywouldHatsumomodothat?"

"Ever since Sayuri was given an important part in Dances of the OldCapital,Hatsumomohasbeentellingthesestories.ItseemsshewantedthepartforherownYoungerSister,aratherlargegirlcalledPumpkin."

Thedoctorlookedatmeforthefirsttime.Ididmybesttolooklikeastardancerwhohashadliestoldabouther.

"Idon'tliketosaythis,Doctor,"Mamehacontinued,"butHatsumomoisaknownliar.Youcan'tbelieveanythingshesays."

"It'sthefirstI'veheardofit."

"Well," saidMameha, "either I'm lying to you now or Hatsumomowaslyingtoyoubefore.Youhavetodecidewhichofusyouknowbetter,Doctor."

WhentheDoctorleft,walkinghiscrab-likewalk,hetooktheekubowithhim.

Oneafternoon,afewdayslater,MamehacametotheokiyaandtookmeintoMrs.Nitta'sroomtotellmethatbiddingformymizuagehadbegun.

CHAPTEREIGHT

SayuriBecomesaGeisha

Before my mizuage night, I had to "turn the collar" - change from anapprentice to a geisha. The change is called "turning the collar because anapprenticewearsaredcollarontheunderskirtwhichshowsbelowherkimono,whileageishawearsawhiteone. I turnedseventeenaround thesame time, inthesummerof1938.

ThedayIturnedmycollarwasoneofthehappiestofMrs.Nitta'slife;oratleastsheactedmorepleasedthanI'veeverseenher.Ididn'tunderstanditatthe time, but it's perfectly clear tome nowwhat she was thinking. A geisha,unlikeanapprentice,isavailabletoamanformorethanjustpouringhistea,forthe right fee.AndbecauseofmyconnectionwithMamehaandmy increasingpopularityinGion,thatfeewasprobablygoingtobelarge.

Intheend,Dr.CrabofferedmorethanNobuformymizuage,11,500yen.Untilthattime,thiswasthehighestamounteverpaidforamizuageinGion,andpossiblyinanyofthegeishadistrictsofJapan.Mymizuagefeewasmorethanaworkerearnedinayear.EvenMameha'smizuage,althoughafewyearsearlier,costonly8,000yen.

Themizuagefeewas,ofcourse,thereasonMrs.Nittaadoptedme.Ifshehadn'tadoptedme,someofthatmoneywouldhavefallenintomyhands-andIcanjustimaginehowmynewMotherwouldhavefeltaboutthat!

But,asMothersaidtome,"Onedaytheokiyawillbeyours."Wewereinher room, sitting at her table, with smoke from her pipe filling the room. Icouldn'tthinkofanythingtosay,butshedidn'tseemtonotice."YouandIwillperformaceremonynextweek,"shesaid."Afterthat,you'llbemydaughterjustasifyou'dbeenborntome."

I was finding it difficult to concentrate on what she was saying; thechangeswere so great.Motherwas tellingme that as daughter of the okiya IwouldsoonerorlatermoveintothebigroomusedbyHatsumomo.HatsumomowouldhavetosharewithPumpkin.

IwatchedMother'sgraymouthmovingandslowly realized that thishadalwaysbeenMameha'splanbutI'dneverreallybelieveditwouldhappen.

As this thought came into my mind, the door opened and Hatsumomoherselfwasthere.

"Whatdoyouwant?"Mothersaid."I'mbusy."

"Getout,"Hatsumomosaidtome."IwanttotalkwithMother."

"Ifyouwanttotalkwithme,"Mothersaid,"youmayaskSayuriifshe'llbekindenoughtoleave."

"Bekindenoughtoleave,Sayuri,"saidHatsumomoinafunnyvoicethatwassupposedtosoundlikeme.

Andthen,forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ispokebacktoherwithoutthefearthatshewouldpunishmeforit.

"I'llleaveifMotherwantsmeto,"Itoldher.

"Mother,wouldyoubekindenoughtomakeTheLittleFishGirlleavetheroom?"Hatsumomosaid.

"Don'ttalkaboutSayurilikethat,"saidMother."Now,whatdoyouwant?"

ThetinyfigureofHatsumomostoodoverus,sonearthatIcouldsmellherperfume.

"Poor Pumpkin's just come running to me, very upset," she began. "IpromisedherI'dspeakwithyou.Shetoldmesomethingverystrange.Shesaid,'Oh,Hatsumomo!Mother'schangedhermind!'But I toldher Idoubted itwastrue."

"Idon'tknowwhatshemeant.Icertainlyhaven'tchangedmymindaboutanythingrecently,"saidMother.

"Soyouhaven'tchangedyourmindaboutadoptingher?"

"Whatgaveyouthatidea?IwasnevergoingtoadoptPumpkin."

IthurtmetohearMothersaythis,notonlybecauseitwasn'ttrue,butforPumpkin'ssake.Hatsumomolookedatmewithhatred.

"Youhaven'thelpedPumpkininherapprenticeshipaswellasI'dhoped,"MothersaidtoHatsumomo."Shewasdoingwellforatime,butlately..."

"Youpromised,Mother,"saidHatsumomo.Itwasfrighteningtohearher.Shedidn'tsoundlikeapersonatall,morelikeananimal-awoundedcat.

"Sayuriwillbemydaughterinoneweek,"saidMother."Betweennowandthenyoumustlearntotreatherwithrespect.Whenyougodownstairs,askthemaidtobringteaforSayuriandme."

It'sstrange,andveryhardtoexplain,buttheworldlookeddifferenttomeaftermizuage. Pumpkin, who hadn't yet had hers, now seemed inexperiencedand childlike to me, even though she was older than me. Mother andHatsumomoandMamehahadalldone it,ofcourse,and Iwasprobablymuchmoreawarethantheywereofhavinghadasharedexperience.

After mizuage a geisha wears her hair in a new style, with a red silkhairbandnotapatternedone.Foratime,Iwassoawareofwhichgeishahadredsilk hairbands and which had patterned ones that I hardly seemed to noticeanything elsewhilewalking along the street. I had anew respect for theoneswhohadbeen throughmizuage, and feltmore experienced than theoneswhohadn't.

ButIdidn'tjustseetheworlddifferentlyaftermizuage.Myday-to-daylifechangedaswellbecauseofMother'snewviewofme.Motherwas the sortofpersonwhoputsapriceoneverything.Beforemymizuage,Idon'tthinkitmadeanydifferencetoherthatHatsumomowasmakingtroubleformeinGionwhenshe could. But now I had a high price on me, so she stopped Hatsumomo'stroublemaking.

Ididn'taskhertodoit,andIdon'tknowhowshedidit.Probablyshejustsaid, "Hatsumomo, if your behavior causes trouble for Sayuri and costs thisokiyamoney,you'llbetheonetopayit."

Insidetheokiya,lifewasalmostpleasurable.AstheadopteddaughterIatewhen I wanted. I chose my kimono first instead of waiting for Pumpkin tochoosehers.

Ofcourse,Ididn'tmindthatHatsumomohatedmebecauseIwastreatedbetter,butwhenPumpkinpassedmeintheokiyawithaworriedlook,avoidingmyeyes,thatcausedmerealpain.

Withmymizuagebehindme,Dr.Crabdisappeared frommy life almostcompletely.Isay"almost"becauseIstillsawhimatpartiesinGion;buthewasatrue"mizuagespecialist"andsohadnomoreinterestinme.

AtthenextIwamuraElectricpartyIsatmyselfnexttotheChairman,notNobu.Ididn'tmeanto,butIignoredNobu.TheChairmanwasfriendlywhenIpoured his sake, but he didn't really look atme.But I noticed thatNobuwasstaringatmeangrilybecauseIwasn'ttalkingtohim.SobeforetheeveningwasoverIspentabitoftimewithhimandIwascarefulnevertoignorehimagainafterthis.

Amonthortwopassed,andthenoneeveningduringaparty,

I mentioned to Nobu that Mameha had arranged for me to appear at afestivalinHiroshima.Iwasn'tsurehewaslisteningwhenItoldhim,butthenextdaywhen I returned to theokiyaaftermy lessons, I found inmy roomanewtravelcasehe'dsentmeasagift.

Ifelt terriblyashamedofmyselffor thinkingIcouldsimplyforgetNobuafter hewas no longer needed to bid formymizuage. I wrote him a note ofthanksforthetravelcaseandtoldhimIlookedforwardtoseeinghimatthenextbigpartythatIwamuraElectricplannedintwomonths'time.

But something strange happened. Just before the party, I received amessagesayingIwasn'tneededafterall.Ithoughtmaybetheyhadcanceledtheparty. But I was at the Ichiriki anyway, for another party, and Imet a geishacalledKatsue,whohadjustbeentotheIwamuraparty.

"It'sagoodparty,"shesaid."Theremustbetwenty-fivegeishathereandnearlyfiftymen..."

"And...ChairmanIwamuraandNobu-sanareboththere?"Iaskedher.

"NotNobu,"saidKatsue."Someonesaidhewenthomesickthismorning.ButtheChairmanisthere;whydoyouask?"

Ican'trememberwhatIsaidtothat.ButIfeltdeeplyworried.I'dalwayssomehow imagined that theChairmanwantedmy company asmuch asNobudid.NowIwasn'tsosure;maybeNobuwastheonlyonewhocaredaboutme.

Thenextday,Motheraskedtoseemeinherroom.

"Thistimenextmonthyou'llhaveadanna,"shesaid.

"Adanna?But,Mother,I'monlyeighteen..."

"Yes.Hatsumomodidn'thaveadannauntilshewastwenty.Andofcoursethatdidn'tlast...Youshouldbeverypleased."

"Oh, I am very pleased," I said untruthfully. "But... having a dannawilltakealotofmytimeand...I'llearnlessfrompartyfees."

Thisdidn'tdeceiveMother."Leavethebusinessdecisionstome,"shesaid."OnlyafoolwouldturndownanofferliketheoneNobuToshikazuhasmade."

MyheartnearlystoppedwhenIheardthis.IsupposeitwasobviousthatNobuwouldonedayproposehimselfasmydanna.

He'd made an offer for my mizuage and since then he'd asked for mycompanyatpartiesmorethananyotherman.

ButreachingtheChairmanwastheonehopethathadhelpedmethroughmy training. I couldn't givemyself to theonemanwhowouldputhimoutofreachforever.IalmostranacrossGiontoseeMameha.

Mamehaknewallaboutit."Nobu-sanisagoodman,"shesaid,'andveryfondofyou.IunderstandyoumayfindNobudifficulttolookat,but..."

"Mameha-san, it isn't that. Nobu-san is a good man, as you say. But,Mameha-san...Idon'tknowhowtosayit...thisisneverwhatIimagined!"

"Whatdoyoumean?Nobu-sanhasalwaystreatedyoukindly."

"ButMameha-san,Idon'twantkindness!"

"Don'tyou? I thoughtweallwantedkindness.Maybewhatyoumean is

thatyouwantsomethingmorethankindness.Andthatissomethingyou'reinnopositiontoaskfor."

CHAPTERNINE

GeneralTottori

Mother gave Mameha a cautious glance because she didn't know whyMamehawasthere,butthenshegavealittlebowandthankedherforcoming.Ididn't knowwhyMameha had come either.We all sat at the table, looking ateachotheroverMother'saccountbooks.

"I'm sure you must be very pleased," Mameha began, "that Sayuri willsoonbe takingadatum.Andatonlyeighteenyearsof age!Howyoung tobetakingsuchabigstep."

"Mameha would have done well to take a danna at that age herself,"Mother replied. "Myadvice toyou,Mameha-san, is that youdowhat you aregoodat,liketeachingSayurithatprettywayofrollinghereyes.Youmayleavethebusinessdecisionstome."

"Iwouldneverdiscussbusinesswithyou,Mrs.Nitta. I'msureyouknowmoreaboutthesethings...ButmayIask?IsittruethemostgenerousofferhascomefromNobuToshikazu?"

"Hishasbeentheonlyoffer.Isupposethatmakesitthemostgenerous."

"Theonlyoffer?Whatapity...Theresultsaresomuchbetterwhenseveralmencompete.Don'tyouagree?"

"Ahundredyen is ahundredyen," saidMother, "whether it comes fromthismanorthatone."

"I'm sure that's true," said Mameha, softly. "Still, it's disappointing.Because another man has expressed interest in Sayuri, General TottoriJunnosuke..."

AtthispointIstoppedlisteningtotheconversationbecauseIunderstoodfor the first time thatMamehawas trying to rescuemefromNobu. Icertainlyhadn'texpectedthat.Ihadnoideawhyshehadchangedhermindsinceourlast

conversation.Maybeshehadherownreasonsthatwerenothingtodowithme.Mymindwasfullofthesethoughts,untilIfeltMother'shandonmyarm.

"Well?"shesaid.

"Ma'am?"

"IaskedifyouknowtheGeneral."

"I'vemethimafewtimes,Mother,"Isaid."HecomestoGionoften."

Idon'tknowmyselfwhyIsaidthat.ThetruthisI'dmettheGeneralmorethana few times.Hecame toparties inGioneveryweek.Hewasabit short,smallerthanIam,infact.Buthewasoneofthosemenwhoeverybodylookedatallthetime.Hemovedaroundalot,alwayssmokingcigarettes,soheseemedtoliveinacloudofsmoke.

The last time I saw him hewas slightly drunk and talked tome for thelongest timeabout all the ranks in the army.Everybodywas talkingabout thearmyaroundthistimebecausewhatwenowcallWorldWarII,againstAmericaandEngland,hadjuststarted.

GeneralTottori found it very funnywhen I confused all the army ranks.His own rank was sho-jo, which means "little general"-the lowest of thegenerals.

ButnowMamehawastellingMotherthattheGeneralhadanewjob.AsMamehaexplainedit,thenewjobwaslikeahousewifegoingtomarket.Ifthearmyneededink,forexample, theGeneral's jobwastomakesureitgotinkatthebestpossibleprice.

"Withhisnewjob,"Mamehasaid,"theGeneralcannowbecomeadanna.Andhecanbeabighelptotheokiya."

"No!"saidMother."Thearmymennevertakecareofageishathewaythebusinessmenorthebaronsdo.Theyneverofferareliableincome."

"Mrs.Nitta,untilnowinthiswar,wehavebeenluckyinGion,"Mamehasaid."Buttheshortageswillaffectusifthefightingcontinues."

"I'msuretheywouldaffectus,"Mothersaid."Butthiswarwillendinsixmonths."

"Andwhenitdoes,thearmywillbeevenmoreimportant.Mrs.Nitta,don'tforgetthatGeneralTottoricangetyouanythingyouwantforthisokiya,whetherthewarendsornot."

WealldiscoveredlaterthatMamehawasright.HerargumentcertainlyhadabigeffectonMother.Sheglancedattheteapotandyoucouldalmostseeherthinking,"Well,Ihaven'thadanytroublegettingtea;notyet...thoughthepricehasgoneup..."Andthen,withoutevenrealizingwhatshewasdoing,sheputonehandinsideherobiandsqueezedhersilkbagoftobacco.

DuringSeptemberofthatyear,GeneralTottoriandIdranksaketogetherata ceremony at the Ichiriki Teahouse. This was the same ceremony I'd firstperformedwithMamehawhenshebecamemyOlderSister,and laterwithDr.Crabjustbeforemymizuage.

In the weeks afterward, everybody congratulatedMother on finding mesuchapowerfuldanna.EverybodyexceptNobu,whotoldmebrieflyandangrilyat a party that General Tottori wasn't good enough for me, and then walkedaway.

On that very first night after the ceremony, I went on the General'sinstructions to a small hotelwithonly three rooms in thenorthwest ofKyoto,calledtheSuyuraInn.Bythis timeIwasusedto luxuryandthatdecayinginnwasashock.Thewallswerewetandthetatamimatsweresofullofwaterthatthey made a noise when I stepped on them.When General Tottori came, heturnedontheradioandsatdrinkingabeer.

Asthemonthspassed,mytwice-weeklymeetingswiththeGeneralattheSuyura Inn became nothing more than an unpleasant routine. Sometimes IwonderedwhatitmightbelikewiththeChairman;andtotellthetruthIwasalittleafraidthatImightnotlikeit,justaswiththeDoctorandtheGeneral.

During the summer of 1939 I was busy with parties, meetings with theGeneral,anddanceperformances.InthemorningwhenItriedtogetupfrommyfuton, I often felt like a bucket filledwith nails. Iwonderedhowmuch Iwasearningthroughallmyefforts,butIneverreallyexpectedtofindout.SoIwasverysurprisedwhenMothercalledmeintoherroomoneafternoonandtoldme

I'd earned more in the past six months than both Hatsumomo and Pumpkincombined.

"Thatmeans,"shesaid,"thatthetimehascomeforyoutoexchangeroomswiththem."

Ifyou'daskedme,whileIwasstillayoungwoman,totellyoutheturningpointinmyrelationshipwithHatsumomo,Iwouldhavesaiditwasmymizuage.Buteventhoughit'struethatmymizuagemademesafefromHatsumomo,therealturningpointoccurredthedayweexchangedrooms.

Toexplainthis,letmetellyousomethingthatAdmiralYamamotoIsorokuoncesaidduringaneveningattheIchirikiTeahouse.Ican'tpretendIknewtheAdmiral well-he's usually described as the father of the Japanese Navy-but Iwenttothesamepartiesonanumberofoccasions.PartiesusuallygrewlouderaftertheAdmiralarrived.

At one party the Admiral had, as usual, just won a drinking game.Someonemadeajokeabouthimalwayswinning,buttheAdmiraldidn'tlaugh.Hesaidheneverhadanydoubtsaboutwinning.

One of the geisha said, "Oh come on! Everybody loses sometimes,Admiral,evenyou!"

"I suppose it's true that everyone loses occasionally," said the Admiral."Butneverme."

Somepeopleatthepartythoughtthiswasarrogant,butIdidn't.Someoneaskedhimthesecretofhissuccess.

"InevertrytodefeatthemanI'mfighting,"explainedtheAdmiral."Itrytomakehimlessconfident.Whenyouaremoreconfidentthanyouropponent,youwillwin."

ThedayImovedintoHatsumomo'sroom,Ibecamemoreconfident thanher.

Tigerswalkalone,andeveryoneknows thatawounded tiger is themostdangerous of the big cats. For that reason Mameha insisted that we followHatsumomoaroundGionforthefewweeksafterweexchangedrooms.

Soeveryevening,exceptwhenshehadanengagementshecouldn'tmiss,MamehacametoourokiyawhenitgotdarkandwefollowedHatsumomo.Onthefirstnightwedidthis,Hatsumomopretendedtofinditamusing.Bytheendofthefourthnightshewaslookinglikeahuntedanimal.Onthefifthnightsheturned tousand raisedherhand tohitMameha. I screamed,whichmusthavemadeHatsumomostopandthinkaboutwhatshewasdoing.Shestaredatusforamomentwitheyesburning,beforeallthefiresuddenlywentoutofherandshewalkedoff.

Plenty of people sawwhat had happened and a few cameover to see ifMameha was all right. She said she was fine and then said, sadly, "PoorHatsumomo!Itmustbejustasthedoctorsaid.Shereallydoesseemtobelosinghermind."

Therewasnodoctor,ofcourse,butMameha'swordshadtheeffectshe'dhopedfor.SoonarumorspreadalloverGionthatadoctorhadsaidHatsumomowaslosinghermind.

For years Hatsumomo had been very close to the famous kabuki actorBandoShojiroVI.Shojirowasanonna-gata,whichmeansthathealwaysplayedwomen in the theater.Once, inamagazine interview,hesaid thatHatsumomowasthemostbeautifulwomanhe'deverseen.Hesaidthatonthestage,hetriedto be as much like her as possible to make himself seem attractive. Notsurprisingly,wheneverShojirowasintown,Hatsumomovisitedhim.

OneafternoonIlearnedthatShojirowouldattendapartylaterthateveningat a teahouse in the geisha district of Pontocho, on the other side of the riverfromGion.

Around nine o'clock Mameha and I arrived at Shojiro's party. It wasoutdoors;theteahousehadbuiltabigwoodenplatformabovethewater.Itwasbeautifully litwith paper lamps, and the riverwas goldwith the lights of therestaurantsontheoppositebank.Shojirowasinthemiddleoftellingastoryinhishighvoice,aswearrived.Hatsumomolookedfrightenedatthesightofus.

MamehakneltrightnexttoHatsumomo,whichI thoughtwasverybraveof her. I sat further away. Someone immediately asked Mameha to play theshamisenanddance,whichshedid.

Shojiro seemed fascinated. After her performance Shojiro, who was a

dancerhimself,askedhertositnexttohim.HeturnedhisbackonHatsumomo.

Nobody knows better thanMameha how to keep aman's attention, andsoonShojirowascharmedintoactingsomeofhisbest-knownperformancesjustforMameha.Thenhestartedimitatingotheractors.Oneoftheseimitations,ofan actor called Bajuri who had performed kabuki in London to great praise,ended with Shojiro holding Mameha and kissing her all over her face. EvenMamehalookedsurprised.Everyoneelseontheplatformclappedandcheered.EveryoneexceptHatsumomo.

"Youaremakingafoolofyourself,"HatsumomotoldShojiro.

"Oh,Hatsumomo-san,"saidShojiro,"you'rejealous!"

"Ofcoursesheis!"saidMameha."Nowyoumustshowushowthetwoofyoumakefriendsagain.Goon,Shojiro-san.Don'tbeshy!Youmustgiveherthesamekissesyougaveme!"

Shojiro pulledHatsumomo to her feet.Hatsumomodidn'twant to stand,but Shojiro did it in the end. He bent to kiss her, then pulled his head back,screaming.Hatsumomohadbittenhimonthelip.

"Hatsumomo-san,please,"saidMameha,asifshewasspeakingtoachild."Asafavortome...dotrytocalmdown."

I don't know if itwas the effect ofMameha'swords, orwhethermaybeHatsumomoreallywaslosinghermind,butshethrewherselfatShojiro,kickingandbiting.Idothinkthatinawayshewentcrazy.

TwomenheldHatsumomofrombehindas shestruggledandkickedandscreamed.Unnoticedbyanybody,Mamehaleftandreturnedamomentlaterwiththemistressoftheteahouse.ThemistressandShojirothrewHatsumomooutoftheparty.

Hatsumomodidn'treturntotheokiyaatallthatnight.Whenshedidcomebackthefollowingday,shesmelledlikeshe'dbeensickandherhairwasallovertheplace.Mothertookherintoherroomandshewastherealongtime.

AfewdayslaterHatsumomolefttheokiyaandnevercameback.ShewaswearingasimplecottondressMotherhadgivenherandherhairwaslong,down

tohershoulders.I'dneverseenit like thatbefore.Shedidn't leavevoluntarily;Motherhadthrownherout.Hatsumomowasn'tearningwhatsheoncehad,andMamehabelievedthatMotherhadwantedtogetridofherforyears.

CHAPTERTEN

WorldWarII

HavingGeneralTottoriasmydannabroughtlittlechangetomylife.Buthishelptotheokiyawasextremelyuseful,atleastfromMother'spointofview.Hepaidformanyofmyexpenses,asadannausuallydoes-includingthecostofmylessons,myannualregistrationfeeattheschool,mymedicalexpensesand...Oh,

Idon'tevenknowwhatelse-mysocksprobably.

Butmoreimportantly,hisjobwiththearmywaseverythingMamehahadsaiditwouldbe.Forexample,MothergrewsickduringMarchof1939.Wewereterriblyworried abouther and thedoctorswerenohelp.But after a telephonecall to theGeneral, an important doctor from themilitary hospital called andgaveMothersomemedicinethatcuredher.

The General sent regular deliveries of tea and sugar, as well as someluxuries like make-up and chocolates, which were becoming scarce even inGion.Andofcourse,Motherhadbeenquitewrongaboutthewarendingwithinsixmonths.Wecouldn'tbelieveitatthetimebutwe'dhardlyseenthebeginningofthedarkyears.

InJapanwerefertotheyearsoftheDepressionthroughWorldWarIIaskuraitani-thevalleyofdarkness. InGionwenever sufferedasmuchasothers.WhilemostJapaneselivedinthisdarkvalleyallthroughthe1930s,forexample,inGionwewerestillwarmedbyabitofsun.AndbecauseofGeneralTottorithesunstillreachedus,eveninWorldWarII.

At least, it reached us until one afternoon just a fewweeks beforeNewYear's Day, in December 1942. I'd been busy helping to clean the okiya inpreparationfortheNewYear.Iwaseatingmylunchwhenaman'svoicecalledout at our entrance. Mother spoke to him and then spoke hurriedly to me."GeneralTottoriwasarrestedthismorning,"shesaid."You'dbetterhideourbestthings,orthey'llbegonetomorrow."

Withinaweekwewerenolongerthepeoplewhohelpedalltheirfriends;instead we were the people who most needed help. We'd always got tea forMameha,butnowshebegantogetitforus.

Onedaysoonthegeishadistrictswouldcloseandwefearedwewouldallendup in factories.Weallknewgeishawhowerealready there.Hatsumomo'stall friend,forexample, thegeishaKorin.ShewasinaTokyofactoryworkingdoubleshiftswithonlyabowlofweaksoupwithabitofpotatoin it forfoodeveryday.

ThenonemorningintheJanuaryof1943,Iwasstandinginlineatthericestore in the falling snow,when the shopkeepernextdoorputouthisheadandcalledintothecold:

"It'shappened!"

Wealllookedateachother.ForamomentIwastoocoldtocarewhathemeant. Ihad thinpeasants' clothingon;nooneworeakimonoduring thedayanylonger.Finallythegeishainfrontofmewipedsomesnowfromherfaceandaskedtheshopkeeperwhathemeant.

"Thegovernmenthasannouncedtheclosingofthegeishadistrict,"hesaid."All of you must report to the registry office tomorrow morning for factorywork."

IlookedatthedesperationonthefacesoftheothergeishaaroundmeandIknewwewere all thinking the same thing:Whichof themenweknewcouldsaveusfromlifeinthefactories?

TherewasarumorthatGeneralTottorihadbeenreleasedandwaslivingintheSuruyaInn,thesameplacewherewe'dmetduringtheeveningsforsomanyyears. Even though theGeneral had beenmy datumuntil the previous year, Icertainly wasn't the only geisha who knew him. I had to reach him beforeanybodyelsedid.

Iwasn'tdressedfortheweather,butIstartedatonceforthenorthwestofthecity.Iarrivedthereanhourortwolater,redwiththecoldandcoveredwithsnow.Butwhen I greeted themistress of the inn, she took a long look atmebeforebowinginapologyandsayingshehadnoideawhoIwas.

"It'sme...Sayuri.I'vecometospeakwiththeGeneral."

"Sayuri-san!IneverthoughtI'dseeyoulookinglikethewifeofapeasant."

She led me inside at once, but before she took me to the General, shedressed me in one of her kimonos. She even found some make-up she hadhiddenandputitonme,sotheGeneralwouldknowwhoIwas.

WhenIenteredhisroom,GeneralTottoriwassittingatthetablelisteningtotheradio.Icouldseeinhisfaceandonhisthinbodyhowhardthepastyearshad been for him. He'd been accused of some awful crimes, including theft;somepeoplethoughthewasluckynottobeinprison.IreadanattackonhiminamagazinethatsaidthattheJapaneseNavy'sdefeatintheSouthPacificwasallhisfaultbecausethesuppliesweresobad.

"You'relookingverywell,General,"Isaid,thoughofcoursethiswasalie."Whatapleasureitistoseeyouagain!"

TheGeneralswitchedofftheradio."You'renotthefirstpersontocometome,"hesaid."There'snothingIcandotohelpyou,Sayuri."

"But I rushed here so quickly! I can't imagine how anyone reached youbeforeIdid!"

"SincelastweeknearlyeverygeishaIknowhasbeentoseeme,butIdon'thavefriendsinpoweranylonger.Idon'tknowwhyatopgeishalikeyoushouldcometomeanyway.You'relikedbysomanymenwithinfluence."

"Thereisadifferencebetweenbeingpopularandhavingrealfriendswhowillhelp,"Isaid.

"Yes,you'reright.Whatsortofhelphaveyoucometomeforanyway?"

"Anyhelpatall,General.WetalkaboutnothingthesedaysinGionexcepthowmiserablelifeinafactorywillbe."

"Lifewillbemiserablefortheluckyones.Therestwon'tevenlivetoseetheendofthewar."

"Idon'tunderstand."

"The bombs will fall soon," the General said. "You can be certain thefactorieswillreceivemorethantheirshare.Ifyouwanttobealivewhenthiswarisover,you'dbetterfindsomeonewhocanputyouinasafeplace.I'msorryI'mnotthatman,Sayuri.I'vealreadyusedanyinfluenceIhad."

The General asked aboutMother's health and then we said good-bye. Ilearned only much later what he meant about using all his influence. ThemistressoftheSuruyahadayoungdaughter;theGeneralhadarrangedtosendhertoatowninnorthernJapan.

I went to see Mameha. She was nearly as frightened as I was. Herrelationshipwithherdanna,theBaron,hadended,andshewasnowlivinginamuchsmallerapartment.Shehadnoadvice formebecauseshewasunable tohelpherself.

"TheBaronwilldonothingtohelpme,"shesaid,herfacepalewithworry."I'vebeenunabletoreachtheothermenIhaveinmind.Youhadbetterthinkofsomeone,Sayuri,andgotohimasquicklyasyoucan."

OfcourseIthoughtoftheChairman.Iwouldhavetakenanychancejusttospeaktohim.ButIcouldneverhaveaskedhimforafavor.Hewaswarmtomewhen we met by chance, but I wasn't invited to Iwamura parties even whenlessergeishawere.Ifelthurtbythis,butwhatcouldIdo?

But even if theChairmanhadwanted tohelpme, his problemswith themilitarygovernmenthadbeeninthenewspaperslately.Hehadtoomanyofhisowntroubles.

SoIspenttherestofthatafternoongoingfromteahousetoteahouseinthebitingcold,askingaboutmenIhadn't seen inweeksorevenmonths.Noneofthemistressesknewwheretofindthem.

JustbeforeGeneralTottoribecamemydanna,NobuusedtowatchmeattheIchirikiTeahouse,lookingmoreandmorepuzzled.He'dexpectedtoarrangeeverything with Mother quickly and to become my danna. I expected thatmyself,atthetime.EventhemistressoftheIchirikiwasworriedbyhowangryNobuwaswhen it didn't happen. I rememberhimat aparty,walkingpast themistresswithoutlookingather,hisjawshuthardinanger.AndI'llneverforgethis angry eyes,watchingme all through the eveningwhile guests at the partywerelaughingandenjoyingthemselves.ThatwasthelasttimeI'dseenhim,over

fouryearsago.

That evening, the Ichiriki had a last party before it closed. Some of thegeisha lookedhalfdeadwithfear;others lookedcalmand lovely,paintedwithjustalittlesadness.

Idon'tknowhowI looked.Mymindwasworkingall the time, thinkingwhichman I'd talk to and how I'd do it. I hardly heard amaid tellme Iwaswantedinanotherroom.Iimaginedagroupofmenhadrequestedmycompany,butthemaidledmetothesmallroomsatthebackoftheteahouse.SheopenedthedoorofasmalltatamiroomI'dneverenteredbefore.Andthereatthetable,alonewithaglassofbeer,satNobu.

Therewasabeerformetoo.Beerwasveryunusualatthistime.Whenthemaidhadleft,Isatdownatthetableandweraisedourglasses.

"Here'sadrinktoyourdanna,"saidNobu."FouryearsagoI toldyouhewasn'tgoodenoughforyouandIwasright.Don'tyouagree?"

"Thetruthis...heisn'tmydannaanylonger."

"Exactly!Andeven ifhewere,hecouldn'tdoa thingforyou,couldhe?Gion'sgoingtocloseandeveryone'sterrifiedfortheirlives.Ireceivedacallatmyofficetodayfromacertaingeisha...

Iwon'tnameher.SheaskedifIcouldfindherajobatIwamuraElectric."

"Ifyoudon'tmindmeasking,whatdidyoutellher?"

"I don't have a job for anyone, hardly evenmyself. Even the Chairmanmayhavenojobsoon.He'llbeinprisonifhedoesn'tdowhatthegovernmentsays. They want us to make airplanes! I mean, honestly! Iwamura makerefrigerators and heaters. Sometimes I ask myself what these people arethinking."

"Nobu-sanshouldspeakmorequietly."

"Who'sgoingtohearme?YourGeneral?"

SpeakingoftheGeneral,"Isaid,"Ididgotoseehimtoday,toaskforhis

help."

"Hedidn'thelpyou,didhe?"

"No,hesaidhe'dalreadyusedtheinfluencehehad."

"Thatwouldn'thavetakenhimlong.Whydidn'thesavehisinfluenceforyou?"

"Ihaven'tseenhiminmorethanayear..."

"Youhaven'tseenmeinmorethanfouryears.AndIhavesavedmybestinfluenceforyou.Whydidn'tyoucometomebeforenow?"

"Because I imagined youwere angrywithme all this time. Just look atyou,Nobu-san.Lookattheangerinyourface.HowcouldIhavecometoyou?"

"Howcouldyounotcome?Icansaveyoufromthefactories.

Ihavesomethingperfectforyou.justlikeanestforabird.You'retheonlyoneI'llgiveitto,Sayuri.ButIwon'tgiveituntilyou'vebowedtothefloorandadmittedhowwrongyouwere,whenyou tookGeneralTottori asyourdanna.Ohyes,I'mangrywithyou!"

IdidwhatNobuaskedofme.Imovedawayfromthetabletomakeroom,andIbowedlowtothefloor.

"Forgivemeformyfoolishness,"Isaid.

All the kimono-makerswere nowmaking parachutes because theywereusedtoworkingwithsilk.Nobuhadarrangedformetostaywithoneofthem,afamilycalledArashino.Theylivedinthecountry,outsideKyoto.

TheArashinoswereverykindtomeduringtheyearsIlivedintheirhome.By day Iworkedwith them, sewing parachutes.At night I slept next to theirdaughterandgrandsononafutonontheflooroftheworkshopwherewemadetheparachutes.

Ofcourse, therewasn'tmuchfood.Youcan't imaginesomeof the thingswelearnedtoeat.Weatefoodthatwasusuallygiventoanimals.Andtherewas

something called nukapan that looked like old dry leather, though the leatherwouldprobablyhavetastedbetter.

IgrewsothinduringthoseyearsthatnobodywouldhaverecognizedmeonthestreetsofGion.SomedaystheArashinos' littlegrandson,Juntaro,criedfromhunger-and thenMr.Arashinosoldoneof thekimonosheused tomake.Thiswaswhatwe Japanese called the "onion life"-removing layer after layer,andcryingallthetime.

Onenightinthespringof1944wesawthefirstbombsdroppedonJapan.The bombers passed over us, not only that night but every night. They wereflyingtothefactoriesinOsakaandTokyo.IwasdesperatelyworriedabouttheChairmanandNobu,workingattheIwamurafactoryinOsaka.

TheKamoRiver flowedbelowourworkshopbefore it ran toOsakaandthenoutintothesea.DayafterdayIthrewflowersintotheriver,hopingthattheChairman, sittingathisdesk inOsaka,might lookoutof thewindowand seethemandthinkofme.Butevenifhesawtheflowers,Ifearedhewouldn'tthinkofme.He'd often been kind tome, itwas true, but hewas a kindman.He'dnevershownanysignofrecognizing that Iwas thegirlon thebridgeor that Icaredforhimorthoughtofhim.

IfIcametotheendofmylifeandhadspenteverydaywatchingforamanwhonevercametome,whatlifewouldIhavehad?I'dbelikeadancerwhohadpracticedsincechildhoodforaperformanceshewouldnevergive.

I learnedduring thoseyears thatnothing is asunpredictable aswhowillsurviveawarandwhowon't.Mamehasurvived,workingasanurseinasmallhospital, but her maid, Asami, was killed by the terrible bomb that fell onNagasaki.

Someof thepeople in themostdangerousplacessurvived.Hatsumomo'sdresser,Mr.Bekku,whohadtakenmefrommyhomeinYoroido,workedforthenavy inOsakaand survived somehow.Pumpkinworked in a factory inOsakathatwasbombedfivetimes,butshealsosurvived.SodidGeneralTottori,wholived in theSuyura Innuntilhisdeath in themid-1950s.But thegeishaKorinandKatsueandthewrestlerMiyagiyamawereallkilledbyfirebombsinTokyo.

TherewasneveranydoubtthatMotherwouldsurvive.Shespentthewarbuyingandselling,growingrichernotpoorer.WhenMr.Arashinoneededtosell

a kimono, who do you think bought it from him?And then sold it again formuchmorethanshepaidforit.

Thewar ended forus inAugustof1945.Almost everyonewho lived inJapanatthistimewilltellyouthatitwastheblackestmomentinalongnightofdarkness.ForayearormoreIneveronceheardthesoundoflaughter.

Butbythespringof1946therewasagain talkofJapan'srebirth.All thestories about American soldiers killing us were shown to be wrong; theAmericanswereextremelykind.Astheydrovepastontrucks,throwingcandytoour children, theyhadnoeyes forme: a thinwoman inwornpeasant clothes,withhandsroughfromworkontheparachutes.Butwhyhadwebeentaughttohatethem?

One coldNovember afternoon, three years after the end of thewar,Mr.Arashinotoldmetherewassomebodytoseeme.BythistimeMr.ArashinowasmakingkimonosagainandIwashelpinghim.

MyvisitorwasNobu.HetoldmethatGionwasopenagain.

CHAPTERELEVEN

NobuAgain

"IhaveataskforyoutodoinGion,"saidNobu."IfitworksoutasIhope,our companywill be trading again in a year or two. Then the timewill havecomeatlastformetobecomeyourdanna."

My skinwent coldwhen I heard this, but I showedno signof it. "Howmysterious,Nobu-san.A task I could do,whichwould be helpful to IwamuraElectric?"

"It'sanawfultask.Iwon'tlietoyou.IwantyoutoentertainamancalledSato.Helooksandbehaveslikeapig.Hetellsmehealwayssatacrossthetablesohecouldstareatyou.You'retheonlythingheevertalksabout-whenhetalksatall;mostofthetimehejustsits."

IhadtolaughwhenIheardthis."Howawfulataskcanthatbe?HowevermuchNobu-san dislikes him, I'm sure I've entertainedworse. But howwouldthathelpIwamura?

Nobusighed."Allthroughthewar,theChairmanresistedthegovernment'sorders. When he finally agreed to cooperate, the war was almost over, andnothingweevermadeforthem-notonething-wasusedinthewar.Butnowwehave to prove that to the Americans. If they don't believe us, they will takeIwamura,sellit,andusethemoneytohelpvictimsofthewar.Satoisthemanwho will make the decision about Iwamura tor the Americans. He's the newDeputyMinisterofFinance."

"Nobu-san,"Isaid,"ifit'simportanttomakeagoodimpressiononDeputyMinister Sato, maybe you should ask the Chairman to be there when youentertainhim."

"TheChairmanisabusyman.Sayuri,youdolooklikeapeasant."

AndthenNobugotupandleft.

ThenextdayIsaidatearfulgood-byetotheArashinosand,attheageofnearlythirty,IwentbacktoGion.MotherandIspentfourorfivedayscleaningtheokiya,helpedbyonecook,onemaid,andagirlcalledEtsuko.Shewasthedaughter of themanwho owned the farmwhereMother had lived during thewar.Etsukowastwelve,thesameageasIwaswhenIfirstcametoKyoto.

Whentheokiyawasclean,IwenttoseeMameha.Shewasnowinaone-roomapartmentneartheGionShrine.ShewasshockedwhenshefirstsawmebecauseIwassothin.Thetruthwas,Iwasjustasshockedatthechangesinher.Herfacewasstillaslovelyasever,buthernecklookedtoooldforherface.Hermouthshowedtheproblemsshe'dhadwithherteethduringthewar.

Wetalkedfora longtime,andthenIaskedher ifshe thoughtDancesoftheOldCapitalwouldstartagain,thefollowingspring.Ithadn'tbeenperformedforanumberofyears.

"With all the American soldiers in Gion these days," she said, "Englishwillgetyoufurtherthandance.Anyway,theKaburenjoTheaterhasbeenturnedintoanAmericancabaret.There'sevenanewJapanesewordforit-kyaberei."

About a week after my return, I was finally ready to make my firstappearanceasageishaagain.Since Iwasnearing thirty, Iwouldno longerbeexpected towearwhitemake-up except on special occasions.But I did spendhalfanhourtryingwestern-stylemake-uptotrytohidehowthinI'dbecome.

WhenMr.Bekkucametodressme,youngEtsukostoodandwatchedjustasI'doncewatchedHatsumomo.Itwastheastonishmentinhereyes,morethananythingIsawwhilelookinginthemirror,thatpersuadedmeItrulylookedlikeageishaagain.

When at last I set out that evening, snow covered Gion. There weresoldiers here and there on the streets and I didn't want to think about what ImightfindwhenIreachedtheIchiriki.Buttheonlydifferencesweretheblackshoes of the officers in the entrance, and strangely enough the teahouse wasquieterthanbeforethewar.

IwaitedforNobuandDeputyMinisterSatoinanemptyroomnexttotheroomwhereIwouldentertainthem.Nogeishalikestobeseendoingnothing;itmakesherlookunpopular.ThisgavemeachancetolistentoNobustrugglingtobepleasantashebroughttheMinisterin.

"Isn'tthisaniceroom,Minister?"saidNobu.Iheardagruntinreply.TheMinisterreallydidsoundlikeapig.Nobucontinued,"It'sabeautifulnight,isn'tit?DidIalreadyaskyouifyoutastedtheIchirikiTeahouse'sownspecialsake?"

When I leftmy empty room and joinedNobu and theDeputyMinister,Nobulookedverypleasedtoseeme.

IgotmyfirstgoodlookattheMinisteronlyafterintroducingmyselfandgoingtokneelatthetable.Ididn'trememberhim,evenifhehadsaidhe'dspenthours staring atme. He kept his chin down on his chest andmade no soundexceptgrunts.

When themaid arrivedwith sake, theMinister poured thedrinkdirectlyinto his lower jaw.He didn't seem to swallow it at all but it disappeared likewaterdownadrain.

Thingswent on like this for about fifteenminutes; theMinister gruntedandpouredsakeintohisjaw.Thenhefinallysaidsomething.HeaskedmeifIwasadancer.

"Yes!Yes, Iam," I said. "Would theMinister likeme toperformashortdance?"

"No,"hesaid.Andthatwastheendofthat.

Very soon we began to play a drinking game. The Minister had neverplayeditbefore.Hekeptlosing,keptdrinking,andNobuandIjustgothimouttothesnow-coveredgardenbeforehethrewup.ThentheMinisterlayverystillonhisbackinthesnow.

"Well, Nobu-san," I said. "I didn't know howmuch fun your guest wasgoingtobe."

"Ibelievewe'vekilledhim."

"Youmusttakehimoutintothestreetandwalkhimaroundabittowakehimup.Thecoldwilldohimgood."

"He'slyinginthesnow.Isn'tthatcoldenough?"

"Nobu-san!"Isaid.

IwenttogetamaidtohelpbecauseNobucouldn'tgettheMinisteronhisfeetwithonlyonearm.With themaid'shelpwegot theMinisterback inside.ThemaidcleanedtheMinister'sjacketandleftusaloneagain.

"We need more geisha next time," I said to Nobu, above the sleepingMinister."AndmaybeyoushouldbringtheChairmannexttimetoo."

TheMinisteropenedhiseyesandmanagedtopullhimselfupalittle.

"Well,Minister,thiscertainlyhasbeenawonderfulevening!"saidNobu."Next timewe'll have evenmore fun. Insteadof throwingup on justme, youmightbeabletothrowupontheChairman,andmaybeanothergeishaortwoaswell!"

"Ilikethisgeisha,"saidtheMinister."Idon'twantanotherone."

Whatever theMinister said, it was obvious thatwe neededmore geishanexttime.I'daskMameha,ofcourse,butIwantedtoaskPumpkintoo.

IknewalmostnothingaboutPumpkin'scircumstances,exceptthatshewasbackinGion,soIwenttospeakwithMother.MothertoldmethatPumpkinhadaskedtocomebacktotheokiyawhenithadreopenedbutthatshe,Mother,hadrefusedbecausePumpkinwouldbeapoorinvestment.

"She's living inapoor littleokiyaover in theHanami-choarea,"Mothersaid."Butdon'tgoandseeher.Ithinkitwouldbefoolishofyoutospeakwithher."

"I have to admit," I said, "I've never felt right about what happenedbetweenPumpkinandme..."

"Nothinghappenedbetweenyou.Pumpkindidn'tdowellenoughandyousucceeded. Anyway, she s doing better these days. The Americans can't getenoughofher.Shesaysexactlywhatshethinks.TheAmericanslikethat."

That afternoon I crossed ShijoAvenue to theHanami-cho area ofGion,andfoundthepoorlittleokiyaMotherhadtoldmeabout.Ayoungmaidshowedmeintoaroomthatdidn'tsmelltoogood,andcamebacklatertobringmeacup

ofweaktea.IwaitedalongtimebeforePumpkinatlastcameandslidopenthedoor.

Ifeltsuchwarmthforher.Igotupfromthetable,wantingtoputmyarmsaroundher.Shetookafewstepsintotheroomandthenkneltandgaveaformalbow,asifIwasMother.Ididn'tknowwhattodoandjuststoppedinthemiddleoftheroom.

"Really,Pumpkin...it'sonlyme!"Isaid.

Shewouldn't even look atme, but lookeddown at themats like amaidwaiting for orders. I felt very disappointed andwent back tomy place at thetable.

Whenwe'd lastseeneachother,during thewar,Pumpkin's facewasstillround and full, but now her heavy cheeks had thinned, leaving her with anelegance thatwas astonishing tome. I don'tmean thatPumpkinhad suddenlybecomeabeautylikeHatsumomo,butherfacehadacertainwomanliness thathadneverbeentherebefore.

Itwasa long time later that I foundoutwhathadhappened toPumpkin.Aftertheclosingofthefactorywheresheworked,shehadtospendmorethantwoyearsinOsaka,onthestreets,sellingherself.

"I'msure theyearshavebeendifficult,Pumpkin," Isaid toher,"butyoulookquitelovely."

Pumpkindidn't reply to this.She justmovedherhead toshowthatshe'dheardme. Icongratulatedheronherpopularityand triedaskingabouther lifesince thewar, but her face showed no expression, so I began to feel sorry I'dcome.

Finally,afteranawkwardsilence,shespoke.

"Haveyoucomeherejusttochat,Sayuri?BecauseIdon'thaveanythingtosaythatwillinterestyou."

"The truth is," I said, "I saw Nobu Toshikazu recently, and... actuallyPumpkin,he'llbebringingDeputyMinisterSato toGionsometimes. I thoughtyou'dbekindenoughtohelpusentertainhim."

"IknowyouthinkI'mstupid..."

"Pumpkin!"

"But you probably have some other reason you're not going to tell meabout."

"Isuppose Idohaveanother reason," I said."To tell the truth, I'dhopedthat after all these years, you and Imight be friends, asweoncewere.We'vesurvivedsomanythingstogether...includingHatsumomo!"

Pumpkinsaidnothing.

However,sheacceptedherinvitationtotheIchirikithatSaturday,andsheandMameha and I entertained theChairman,Nobu, andSato all through thatwinter and the following spring, once or twice a week, as long as Sato wasdecidingthefutureofIwamuraElectric.

PumpkinwasverygoodwithSato.Thefirsttimeshemethimshesaid,inthedirectwayshenowhad,"Hey,Minister,I'llbetyoudon'trememberme,butIknowalotaboutyou."

"Whatdoyouknow?"saidMameha."Tellussomething."

"IknowtheMinisterhasayoungersisterwho'smarried to themayorofTokyo,"Pumpkinsaid."AndIknowhebrokehishandinafightonce."

TheMinisterwaslookingsurprised,sothesethingsmusthavebeentrue.ButPumpkinwasn'tfinishedyet.

"AlsoMinister,Iknowagirlyouusedtoknow,NauItsuko.WeworkedinafactoryoutsideOsakatogether.Youknowwhatshetoldme?Shetoldmeyouandshedidsomebad,badthingstogether."

I was afraid theMinister might be angry, but he looked quite proud ofhimself.HeandPumpkinweresoonfriendly,andtheChairmanseemedtolikehertoo.

Pumpkin wore a really extraordinary gray kimono to the parties, withbrightgolddotson it.Thesewere stars set against abackgroundofwater and

mountains, in the light of themoon.Neithermy kimono norMameha's couldcomparewithit.

TheChairmanseemedtolikethekimonotoobecauseheaskedPumpkintomodelitforhim.Sheturnedaroundandaroundslowlyforhim,sothathecouldadmire her. At the next party Pumpkin wasn't there, she was sick, and theChairmanleftearly.Ispentmanyunhappyhourswonderingifthesetwoeventswereconnected.

MyconcernabouttheChairman'sopinionofmemademetakeachance.Wewereplayingagamecalled"TruthandLies."Youhave to tell twostories.Oneof them is the truth, and theother a lie-and theneveryoneguesseswhichonewaswhich.Geishaplaythisgamesooftenthattheyallhavelotsofstoriesready.ButthistimeItoldastorythatI'dnevertoldbefore.

"OncewhenIwasachild,"Ibegan,"Iwasveryupsetoneday,andIwenttothebanksoftheShirakawaStreamandbegantocry..."

As I began this story, I felt almost as though Iwere reaching across thetabletotouchtheChairmanonthehand.Itseemedtomethatnooneelseintheroom would consider the story to be unusual, but the Chairman wouldunderstand it-or at least I hoped hewould. I felt I was having a very privateconversationwithhimalone,andIcouldfeelmyselfgettingwarmasIspoke.

When I finishedmy story, I looked up, expecting to find the Chairmanlookingatmewithunderstanding,buthedidn'tevenseemtobelistening.Ifeltafool.Likeagirlwhowalksalongthestreetimaginingthateverymanislookingather,butthestreetisempty.

Luckily,theMinisterwastoodrunktonoticeanything,andNobuwasbusyeatinghisfood.Mamehahadjuststartedherstory.Pumpkin, though,hadbeenwatchingmecarefully.WhenIlookedather,shehadasmileonherfacethatIfeared,thoughIdidn'tcompletelyunderstandit.

Worsefollowed.MinisterSatohadaskedthemistressoftheIchirikiifhecouldbemydanna.NobuandMothertogetherdidn'thavetoomuchdifficultyinstopping this. They told the mistress of the Ichiriki to tell Sato that I wasn'tavailable.

Nobuwastellingmewhathappenednext.Helookedangry,evenforhim."

Anddoyouknowwhat that foolishMinisterSatosaid?Afterhe foundouthewasn'tgoingtobeyourdanna,hesatthereforalongtimelikeapileofdirtandthenhefinallysaid, 'CouldyouarrangeformetobeSayuri'sdannajustonce?'Hemeantforonenight!Really!Youwouldn'tdothat,wouldyou?

"Nobu-san..."

"Ifyou'reawomanwhowoulddosucha thing, Iwantyou to leave thisroomrightnow,andneverspeaktomeagain!

Hepickedhisbeerglassupandbangeditdownagainonthetablesohardthatitcrackedandbeerspilledonthetable.He'dcuthishandontheglasstoo,andtherewasbloodonit.Icouldn'tunderstandhowtheeveninghadsuddenlybecomesodangerous;butitwasperfectlycleartomethatIcouldgiveonlyoneanswer.

"Iwouldneverdothat,"Isaid.

Ithoughtthatwouldcalmhim,butforalongterrifyingmomenttheangerstayedinhisface.Thenheslowlybreathedout.

"Next time, speak before I have to cut myself for an answer," he said."Now listen.Things arepossible thatweren't possiblebefore.Sato is going totelltheAmericansthetruth,thatIwamuradidn'thelpthegovernmentinthewar.TheChairmanandIaresafenow.I'mgoingtobeyourdanna.

I left the roomas quickly as I could to find amaid to helpwithNobu'shand,whichwascoveredwithbloodfromhiscut.

CHAPTERTWELVE

Sato

ThatnightasIlayonmyfuton,Idecidedtobelikeafishermanwhohourafter hour takes out fish fromhis net.Whenever I thought of theChairman, Itookthethoughtfrommymindandthenagainandagainuntilnothoughtswereleft.Itwouldhavebeenagoodsystem,I'msure,ifIcouldhavemadeitwork.IeventriedtothinkofNobuinsteadoftheChairman,butwithoutsuccess.

Ididthisforweeks,tryingtoremakemyself.Iwenttopartiesasusual,butIkneltinsilencewithmyhandsinmylap.MothertoldmeIlookedlikeaghost.She'dbroughtinanewspaperwhileIwaseatinglunch.Therewasanarticleinitabout Iwamura. Itwas a difficult article to read, full of numbers andbusinessterms.ButitwasclearthatIwamuracouldmaketheirheatersandrefrigeratorsagain, and in the sameweek the companyhadgot abig loan fromMitsubishiBank.

"It'snowonderwe'veheardsomuchfromNobuToshikazuthesepastfewdays,"saidMother."Youmustknowhewantstobeyourdanna.Well,there'snoproblemwith that now. It's finally happening.We all know how fond you'vebeenofNobuthesepastfewyears."

Mother followed this with some news. The mistress of the Ichiriki hadreceivedatelephonecallthatmorningfromIwamuraElectricaboutatriptotheisland ofAmami, the followingweekend. I'd been asked to go,withMamehaandPumpkin.Weweregoingbyairplane.I'dneverbeenonone-I'dneverevenseenone.Iwasterrified.

WhenFridaymorningcame,westartedforOsakabytram.InadditiontoMr.Bekku,whocameasfarastheairport tohelpuswithourtrunks, thelittlegroupconsistedofMameha,Pumpkin,andme.

From Osaka Station we traveled to the airport in a little bus not muchlargerthanacar,whichburnedcoalandwasverydirty.Atlast,afteranhourormore,we climbeddownbeside a silver airplanebalancedon tinywheels; andwhenwewentinsidetheairplaneslopeddownsomuchIthoughtitwasbroken.

Themenweretherealready,sittinginseatsattheback.

With the Chairman,Nobu, andMinister Sato, therewas an elderlymanwhoIlaterlearnedwasPresidentoftheMitsubishiBank.

We sat toward the front of the airplane and left the men to their dullconversation. Soon I heard a coughing noise and the airplane shook. Then itstartedtomove.Thenoiseoftheenginesgrewworse,andtheairplanebegantomoveforward.Finallythenoisegrewtoaterrifyingroar,andwebegantoriseupintotheair.

Mamehahadputmeinawindowseat,thinkingtheviewmightcalmme,but now she saw the ground disappearing belowus and she refused to switchseatswithme.Someonefinally toldme the tripwassevenhundredkilometersandwouldtakenearlyfourhours,butonlywhenthegroundwasfarbelowus.When Iheard this, I'mafraid tears came intomyeyes, andeveryonebegan tolaughatme.

Ipulledthecurtainsoverthewindowsandtriedtocalmmyselfbyreadingamagazine.Sometimelater,afterMamehahadfallenasleepintheseatbesideme,IlookedupandsawNobustandingoverme.

"Sayuri, are you well? he said, speaking quietly so he didn't wakeMameha.

"Idon'tthinkNobu-sanhaseveraskedmethatbefore,"Isaid."Hemustbeinaverycheerfulmood."

"Thefuturehasneverlookedbetter!"

Nobu looked at me and then walked away. For a moment I thought hemightseeinmyeyesthatIwasasworriedaboutmyfuturewithhimashewashappyabouthisfuturewithme.Butofcoursehedidn't.Nobuunderstoodmesolittle. A geisha who expects understanding from her danna is like a mouseexpectingsympathyfromasnake.

TheChairmanwastheonlymanI'deverentertainedasSayurithegeishawho had also known me as Chiyo. Why couldn't I stop thinking about theChairman?Ifyou'daskedmethat,Iwouldhaveanswered,"Whydoeswaterrundownhill?"

"Whydofishtasteoffish?"

Ilookedoutoftheairplanewindowatthebluewaterfarbelow.Andthenafrightening picture came intomymind ofme cutting the cord that tiedme toNobuandwatchinghimfallfromtheairplaneintotheocean.

Ofcourse,Idon'tmeanthatIwasreallygoingto throwNobuoutof theairplane,but Ididhavea suddenunderstandingof theone thing Icoulddo toendmyrelationshipwithhimforever.Nobuhimselfhad toldmehowtodo it,just amoment after cuttinghishand that night at the IchirikiTeahouseonly afewweeksearlier.IfIcouldagreetogivemyselftoMinisterSatoforonenight,he'dsaid,hewouldneverspeaktomeagain.

As we left the airplane, I must still have looked very worried becauseMamehakepttellingmethatIwassafeatlast.

Wearrivedatourinnaboutanhourbeforesunset.Theothersadmiredtheroomwherewewouldallbestaying.Ipretendedtoadmire it too,butIwasn'treallyinterested;IwastooworriedaboutwhatIwasgoingtodo.Buttheroomwasnice.ItwasasbigasthelargestroomattheIchirikiTeahouse,withtatamimats,darkwoodandbeautifulJapanesefurniture.

Whentheluggagewasunpacked,wewereallreadyforabath.Themen'sandwomen's changingandwashingareaswere separate,butwhenweenteredthe pool of natural water at the inn we were together. In my day it wasconsiderednormalforgeishatotakeabathwiththeirbestcustomersandsleepinthesameroomasthem.

Ageishawouldneverbealonewithamanwhowasn'therdanna,butinagrouplikethis,withwatercoveringourbodies,well,thatwasaccepted.Andweevenhaveawordforsleepinginagroup-zakone,"fishsleeping."Ifyoupictureinyourmindthewayfishlookinabasket,you'llunderstandthename.

Nobuhadbeeninthewaterforalongtime,talkingtotheChairman,butnowhewassittingonarockwithonlyhislegsinthewater.Hewasrubbingthestumpofhisarmwiththeotherhandandlookingintothewater.

I'dneverseenhisbodybefore.Hisdamagedshoulderlookedasbadashisface.AndnowIwasthinkingaboutbetrayinghim.He'dthinkI'ddoneitforonlyonereason,andwouldneverunderstandthetruth.Ihatedthethoughtofhurting

Nobuordestroyinghisgoodopinionofme.CouldIreallydowhatI'dthoughtofontheairplane?

After breakfast the following morning, we all took a walk through thestreetsofthelittlevillage.NobuwasascheerfulasI'deverseenhim.foundanold wood building with a sloped roof.Wewalked around to the back, whereNobu climbed stone steps to open a door at the corner. Sunlight fell across adusty stage built out ofwood; at one time this had obviously been the town'stheater.

Ihadapicture inmymindofme lying thereon thatwoodenstagewithMinisterSatoasthedooropenedandsunlightfellonus.We'dhavenoplacetohide;Nobucouldn'tpossiblyfailtoseeus.

Aswewalkedbacktowardourinn,IwalkedbehindtherestofthegroupbecauseIwantedtotakemyhandkerchieffrommysleeve.Itwasveryhotandthesunwasshiningfullontoourfaces.NobucamewalkingbacktoaskifIwasallright.

"You haven't looked well all weekend, Sayuri," he said. "Maybe youshouldhavestayedinKyoto."

"ButthenIwouldn'thaveseenthisbeautifulisland."

"I'm sure this is the farthest you've ever been from your home.We're alongwayfromKyotonow."

I had the same thought that I'd had on the airplane; that Nobu didn'tunderstandmeatall.Kyotowasn'tmyhome.Andatthatmoment,asIlookedathiminthehotsun,IdecidedtobetrayNobu,eventhoughhewaslookingatmewithkindness.

But I had no idea how I'd getMinister Sato to the theaterwithme, andevenlessideahowI'darrangeforNobutofindusthere.MaybePumpkinwouldtake Nobu for a walk if I asked her to? I didn't think I could ask Mameha.Pumpkin would be much less shocked at what I was planning thanMamehawouldbe.I'dneedtotellPumpkinveryclearlytobringNobutotheoldtheater.

ButfirstIhadtospeaktotheMinister,whorightnowwasputtingfishintohislowerjaw.Heateinthesamewayashedrankbeer.Itlookedawful.

"Minister,"Isaid,"whenyouhavefinishedyourfoodwhydon'tyouandIlookaroundtheinntogether?"

I didn'twait for him to reply, butwalked from the room. Iwas relievedwhenhecameoutamomentlatertojoinme.

"Minister," I said, "why don't we take a walk back down to the villagetogether?"

Helookedveryconfusedbythis.

"There'ssomethingIwouldliketoseeagain,"Iadded.

TheMinistergrunteda"yes"andI toldhimtowaitwhile Iwent to findPumpkin.Shewasinherroom,lookingthroughhertrunkforsomething.

"Pumpkin,"Isaid,"Ineedtoaskafavor."

Iwaitedforhertotellmeshewashappytohelp,butshejuststoodwithhereyesonme.

"Ihopeyouwon'tmindmeasking..."

"Ask,"shesaid.

"TheMinisterandIaregoingforawalk.I'mgoingtotakehimtotheoldtheater,and..."

"Why?"

"SothatheandIcanbealone."

"Youwanttobealone?WiththeMinister?Areyoucrazy?"

"I'llexplainsomeothertime,butthisiswhatIwantyoutodo.IwantyoutobringNobuthereand...Pumpkin,thiswillsoundverystrange.Iwantyoutofindustheretogether."

"Whatgameareyouplaying,Sayuri?"

"Idon'thavetimetoexplainitnow.But it's terriblyimportant,Pumpkin.

Truthfully,myentirefutureisinyourhands.JustmakesurethatNobuseesmeandtheMinistertogether.I'llrepayyouinanywayyoulike."

She looked at me for a long moment. "So it's time tor a favor fromPumpkinagain,isit?"shesaid.

As Iwalkedback to thevillagewith theMinister, I remembered thedayMamehahadcutmeonthelegandtakenmetoseeDr.Crab.OnthatafternoonI'd felt in some sort of danger I couldn't fullyunderstand, and I feltmuch thesamewaynow.ButIkepttalkinginthehotsunaswewalkedallthewaybacktothetheater.

"Willyoucomeinsidewithmeforamoment,Minister?"

Hedidn'tseemtoknowhowtoreacttothis,butwhenIclimbedthestonestepsandwentintothetheaterhewalkedafterme.Butthenhejuststoodthere,likeamanwaitingforabus.

Myhandswereshaking.Ididn'tknowifIcoulddowhatI'dplannedtodo.

"Minister,"Isaid."Evenifyoucan'tbemydanna..."

AlookofunderstandingspreadslowlyacrosstheMinistersface.

"We'llgooverthere,"hesaid,pointingtoacornerofthetheater.

Thatwasnogood.Nobucouldmissusifwelayinacorner.

"Let'sgouponthestage,"Isaid.

Ilaydownonthestage,andtheMinisterlaydownontopofme.Whenhetouchedme, I imagined lifewithNobuasmydannaand thathelpedme to lethimdowhathewanted.Withhisjawontopofmyfacehelookedmoreanimalthanhuman.Ishutmyeyes.

Andthenthedooropenedandtherewassunlightoverusaswelaythere.WiththeMinisterontopofmeIhadtolookcarefullybutIcouldjustrecognizetwopeople.OneofthemwasPumpkin.TheotheronewastheChairman.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

TheChairman

Mamehawaskneelingaboveme.IwaspuzzledtofindthatIwasn'tintheoldtheateranylonger,butlookingupfromthetatamifloorofadarklittleroomat the inn. I didn't remember leaving the theater, but I must have done itsomehow.

Later, as Iwalkedunsteadily back tomy roomwith a terrible feelingoffear,IsawPumpkinjustcomingoutofherroom.Shestoppedwhenshesawme;but she didn't apologize as I half-expected. She turned her head slowly andlookedatmethewayasnakemightlookatamouse.

"Pumpkin,"Isaid,"IaskedyoutobringNobu,not theChairman.Idon'tunderstand..."

"Yes, itmustbedifficult foryoutounderstand,Sayuri,whenlifedoesn'tworkoutperfectly!"

"Perfectly?Nothingworsecouldhavehappened...didyoumisunderstandwhatIwasaskingyou?"

"YoureallydothinkI'mstupid!"shesaid.

Iwas confused, and just stood there in silence. "I thought youweremyfriend,"Isaidatlast.

"Ithoughtyouweremyfriendtoo,once.Butthatwasalongtimeago."

"YoutalkasifI'ddonesomethingtoharmyou,Pumpkin,but..."

"No,you'dneverdoanything like that,wouldyou?Not theperfectMissNittaSayuri!Isupposeitdoesn'tmatter thatyoutookmyplaceasdaughterofthe okiya? Do you remember that, Sayuri? After I'd helped you about theDoctor-whateverhisnamewas.AfterI'driskedmakingHatsumomomadatmeforhelpingyou!Afterallthat,youstolewhatwasmine."

"ButPumpkin,"Iinterrupted,"couldn'tyoujusthaverefusedtohelpme?WhydidyouhavetobringtheChairman?"

Shelookedmeintheeye."Iknowperfectlywellhowyoufeelabouthim,"shesaid."Wheneveryouthinkthere'snobodylooking,youlookathimlikeyouwerehisdog.Youtooksomethingfrommealongtimeago,Sayuri.Well,howdoesitfeelnow?"

During the rest of that evening I don't remember anything very clearly;while the otherswere drinking and laughing, I could only pretend to laugh. ImusthavebeenredbecausefromtimetotimeMamehatouchedmynecktoseeifIwasfeverish.

IsatasfarawayfromtheChairmanasIcould,sothatoureyeswouldn'thavetomeet;andIdidsurvivetheeveningwithouttalkingtohim.Butlater,aswewereallgettingreadyforbed,IpassedtheChairmanashewasgoingintohisroom.Ishouldhavemovedoutofhisway,butIfelttooashamed.Igaveaquickbowandhurriedpasthim,noteventryingtohidehowunhappyIfelt.

Aftereveryoneelsewasasleep, I left the innwithmyheadspinningandwalkedbacktotheocean.Itwasdark,thewindwasscreaming,andthewaveswerecrashingangrily.Itwasasthoughthewindandthewaterhadtakenonthespiritofmyoldgirlhoodenemy,Hatsumomo.

Thescreamingofthewindandthecrashingofthewavesseemedtolaughatme.Could it reallybe that the streamofmy lifehad turned away from theChairman forever? I tookhishandkerchief frommy sleeve. I'd taken it tobedwithme thateveningasusualand thenput it inmysleevewhenIwentout. Idriedmyfacewithitandthenhelditupintothewind.

Ithoughtoflettingitgoandlettingthewindtakeit,butthenIthoughtofthe letter Mr. Tanaka had sent me so many years earlier, telling me that myparents were dead.We must always keep something to remember those whohaveleftus.Theletterwasallthatremainedofmychildhood.TheChairman'shandkerchiefwouldbewhatremainedoftherestofmylife.

OnWednesdaymorning,only threedaysafterour return fromAmami, IgotamessagethatsomeonefromIwamuraElectrichadtelephonedtheIchirikiTeahouse to request my presence that evening. This could only mean thateverythingwasstillallrightaftertheeventsonAmami,andNobuwasreadyto

becomemydanna.

I dressed late in the afternoon in a yellow silk kimono with a greenunderskirtandadarkblueandgoldobi.Ilookedatmyselfinthemirrorandsawadefeatedwoman.Myfacelookedthin,eventhoughasusualI'dputonwestern-stylemake-up; evenmy hair didn't look right. I couldn't think of anyway toimprovemyappearanceexcepttoaskMr.Bekkutore-tiemyobialittlehigher,totakeawaysomeofmysadlook.

AttheIchiriki,amaidtookmeupstairstothesameroomwhereNobuhadmetwithmeonthenightGionwasclosing.ThismustmeanthatNobuwantedustomeetinthesameroomtocelebratebecomingmydanna-thoughitwouldn'tbeacelebrationforme.ButitwouldbeafinenightforNobuandIwouldtrynottospoilit.

I knelt at one end of the table, careful to positionmyself so that Nobucouldpoursakeusinghisonearm.Could it reallybe thatonlyfiveandahalfyearshadpassedsinceourlasteveningtogetherinthisroom?Somanypeoplehadcomeandgone;somanypeopleI'donceknownwerenowdead.

WasthisthelifeI'dcomebacktoGiontolead?ItwasjustasMamehahadoncetoldme:wedon'tbecomegeishabecausewewantour lives tobehappy;webecomegeishabecausewehavenochoice.Ifmymotherhadlived,Imightbe awife andmother inYoroido, by the sea, thinking ofKyoto as a farawayplacewherethefishweresent.

AftertenorfifteenminuteswaitingforNobu,Ibegantowonderifhewasreallycoming.IknewIshouldn'tdoitbutI laymyheaddownonthetable torest.I'dsleptbadlytheselastfewnights.

Ididn'tfallasleep,butIlostmyselfforatimeinmysadness.AndthenIhadadream. Idreamt that I felt theChairman'shand touchingmy shoulder. IknewitwastheChairman'shandbecausewhenIopenedmyeyeshewasthere.

ForamomentIwonderedifIwasreallyawake;butitwasn'tadream.TheChairmanwassittingexactlywhereI'dexpectedNobutosit.

"Nobu-sanis...quiteallright,ishe?"Isaid.

"Ohyes,"saidtheChairman."Quiteallright.Buthewon'tbecomingthis

evening."

I was relieved to hear this; but at the same time I was ashamed. IrememberedhowtheChairmanhadseenmeonAmami,withMinisterSatoontopofmewithhispantsdown.

"May I please say, Chairman," I began as steadily as I could, "that mybehavioronAmami..."

"Iknowwhatyou're thinking,Sayuri.But Ihaven'tcomehere toaskforyour apology. Sit quietly a moment. I want to tell you about something thathappenedalongtimeago."

"Chairman, I feel so confused," I managed to say. "Please forgive me,but..."

"Justlisten,"saidtheChairman."Oneday,eighteenyearsago,Iwaswithageishaandsomefriends,takingawalkbytheShirakawaStreamonourwaytothetheater."

ItooktheChairman'shandkerchieffrommyobiandsilentlyputitonthetable.

"Wheredidyougetthis?"

"Chairman," Isaid,"all theseyears I'vewondered ifyouknewIwas thelittlegirlyou'dspokento.YougavemeyourhandkerchiefonthewaytoseetheplayShibaraku."

"Doyoumeantosay...evenwhenyouwereanapprentice,youknewthatIwasthemanwho'dspokentoyou?"

"I recognized the Chairman the moment I saw him again at the sumoexhibition.ButI'mamazedtheChairmanrememberedwe."

"Well,maybeyoushouldlookatyourselfinthemirrorsometimes,Sayuri.Youreyes...Ican'texplainit.Ispendsomuchofmytimetalkingtomenwhoareneverquitetellingmethetruth;andherewasagirlwholetmelookintohereyesandseestraightintoher."

AndthentheChairmaninterruptedhimself.

"Didn't you ever wonder why Mameha became your Older Sister?" heaskedme.

"Mameha?WhatdoesMamehahavetodowithallthis?"

"Sayuri, I am the one who askedMameha to look after you. I told heraboutabeautifulyounggirlI'dmet,withamazinggrayeyes.IaskedhertohelpyouifsheevermetyouinGion.Andshedidmeetyou.Itwastwoyearslater,but Mameha remembered. You would certainly never have become a geishawithoutherhelp."

It'salmost impossible todescribetheeffect theChairman'swordshadonme.I'dalwaysthoughtthatMameha'sreasonforhelpingmewaspersonal-togetridofHatsumomobecauseshehatedher.SoMamehawassuddenlyadifferentwomaninmyeyes,andIwasadifferentwomantoo.

"Chairman,forgiveme,butIwishthatatsometimeyearsagoyoucouldhave toldmeabout...allof this. Ican tsayhowmuchitwouldhavemeant tome."

"There'sareasonwhyInevercould,Sayuri,andwhyIhadtotellMamehanot to say anything, either. The reason is Nobu. There's something I want todiscusswithyou,hecontinued."It'ssomethingPumpkinsaidaftershetookmedowntothetheateronAmami.Iwasextremelyangrywithher,andIdemandedtoknowwhyshe'ddoneit.Foralongtimeshewouldn'tsayanything.Thenshetoldmesomethingthatmadenosenseatfirst.Shesaidyou'daskedhertobringNobu.

"Chairman,please,"Ibeganunsteadily."Imadesuchaterriblemistake..."

"All right, Sayuri," he said. "Now youmust understandmy relationshipwithNobu.Then itwillbeclearwhyI've treatedyouas Ihaveover theyearsanditwillalsobeclearwhyI'vecomeheretonight."

And then the Chairman told me all the things I already knew frommagazines;howNobusavedIwamuraElectricinthe1920s,andhowNobuwaslikeabrothertohim.

"OnedaywhenI'dknownyouonlyashort time,hesaid,"Nobubroughtyouapresentofacomb,andgaveittoyouinfrontofeveryoneattheparty.Thatwaswhen I realized how strong his feelings for youwere.Well, I knew in amomentthatIcouldn'ttakeawayfromhimthethinghesoclearlywanted.

"IlikeNobuverymuch,"Isaid,"butwhatIdidonAmami...WhatIdidonAmami,Ididbecauseofmyfeelingsforyou,Chairman.EverystepIhavetakenin my life since I was a child in Gion, I have taken in the hope of bringingmyselfclosertoyou."

"Lookatme,Sayuri."

IwantedtodoastheChairmanasked,butIcouldn't.

"WhenIsawyoutherewiththeMinister,youhadalookinyoureyesjustliketheoneIsawsomanyyearsagoattheShirakawaStream.Youseemedsodesperate,asifyoumightdrownifsomeonedidn'tsaveyou.AfterPumpkintoldmeyouhad intendedNobu to seeyouwith theMinister, Idecided to tellhimwhatI'dseen.Andwhenhereactedsoangrily...well, ifNobucouldn't forgiveyouforwhatyou'ddone,itwascleartomethathewasnevertrulythemanforyou.Nobuhasgivenyouup,Sayuri.SoI'vetakennothingawayfromhim."

IwasstillstrugglingtounderstandwhatwashappeningtomeandwhatIoughttodoorsaywhentheChairmanpulledmeclosetohimandkissedme.

It may surprise you to hear that this was the first time in my life thatanyone had really kissed me. General Tottori had sometimes pressed his lipsagainst mine when he wasmy danna, but there was so little love in it that Iwonderedifhejustneededsomewheretoresthisface.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

NewYork

Now,nearly fortyyears later, I sit here inNewYork and remember thatevening with the Chairman as the moment when I finally stopped fightingagainstthestreamofmylife.Itwasalsotheendofmycareerasageisha.

ThereasonisthattheChairmanwantedtokeepmeawayfromNobu,whonowhatedme.SohepaidMotheraverylargesumofmoneyeachmonthtoletmestopworkasageisha.

TheChairmancertainlywasn'tgoingtomarryme;hewasalreadymarried.Istilllivedintheokiya,butIspentmostofmytimeinalovelyhousethattheChairmanboughtinthenortheastofKyoto.ItwassupposedtobeforguestsofIwamuraElectric,but theChairmanand I spent threeor foureveningsaweektogetherthere.

DuringthedayInolongerwenttogeishaschoolorvisitedtheteahouses,butIsawMamehaveryoften.Wehadteatogetherseveraltimesaweek.Afterallshe'ddoneformesinceIwasachild,andthespecialroleshe'dplayedinmyrelationshipwiththeChairman,IfeltadebttoherthatIcouldneverrepay.

I expected that this would be my life, entertaining the Chairman in theeveningandoccupyingmyselfduringthedayinanywayIcould.Butinthefallof1952,IaccompaniedtheChairmanonhissecondtriptotheUnitedStates.Itchangedmylife.

TheChairmansaid thatonhispreviousvisit toAmericahe'dunderstoodreal wealth for the first time.Most Japanese at this time had electricity onlyduringcertainhours,forexample,but thelightsinAmericancitieswereonallthetime.AndeveninsmallAmericantowns,theChairmantoldme,themovietheaterswereasgrandasourNationalTheater.

ButhewasmostamazedbythefactthateveryfamilyintheUnitedStatesowned a refrigerator. This could be boughtwith an averageworker'smonthlysalary.InJapan,aworkerneededfifteenmonths'salarytobuysuchathing;few

familiescouldaffordit.

Then,whenIlookedoutofthewindowofmyroomattheWaldorf-AstoriaHotel and saw buildings likemountains aroundme, and smooth, clean streetsbelow,IhadthefeelingIwasseeingaworldinwhichanythingwaspossible.

OverthenextthreeyearsItraveledwiththeChairmantwicemoretotheUnitedStates.Whenhewasoutonbusinessduringtheday,mymaidandIwenttomuseumsandrestaurants.WeevenfoundoneofthefewJapaneserestaurantsinNewYork.I'dknownthemanagerwellinGionbeforethewar.

DuringlunchoneafternoonIfoundmyselfinaprivateroominthebackofthe restaurant, entertaining a number ofmen I hadn't seen in years - theVicePresident of the Nippon Telephone Company, the new Japanese Ambassador,andaProfessor fromKyotoUniversity. Itwasalmost likebeingback inGionagain.

In the summer of 1956 the Chairman and I were sitting outdoors afterdinner at IwamuraElectric'shouse innortheastKyoto.TheChairmanhad justtoldmethathehadaplantoopenabranchofhiscompanyinNewYork.TherewassomethingI'dwantedtodiscusswithhimforsometimeandthisnewsgavememychance.

"I keep thinking of the Ichiriki Teahouse," I began, "and truthfully, I'mbeginningtorealizehowmuchImissentertaining."

The Chairman just took a bite of his ice-cream and then put his spoondownonthedishagain.

"Of course, I cannevergoback towork inGion," I continued. "I knowthatperfectlywell.But Iwonder,Danna-sama... isn't there aplace for a smallteahouseinNewYorkCity?"

"Idon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout,"hesaid."There'snoreasonwhyyoushouldwanttoleaveJapan."

"It's truethat leavingJapanwouldbeabigchange.ButnowthatDanna-samawillbespendingmoreandmoreofhistimeintheUnitedStates..."

InAugustof thatsameyear, ImovedtoNewYorkCity tostartmyown

verysmallteahouseforJapanesebusinessmenandpoliticianstravelingthroughtheUnitedStates.Ofcourse,MothertriedtomakesurethatmynewbusinessinNewYorkwouldbecontrolledbytheNittaokiya,buttheChairmanrefusedtoconsideranysucharrangement.

MotherhadpowerovermeaslongasIremainedinGion,butIbrokemytieswithherbyleaving.TheChairmansent in twoofhisaccountants tomakesurethatMothergavemeeverylastyenthatI'dearned.

NewYorkisanexcitingcity.IfeltatleastasmuchathomeasIeverdidinGion. In fact, as I look back, the many long weeks I've spent here with theChairmanhavemademylifeintheUnitedStatesevenfullerandhappierthanitwasinJapan.

Mylittleteahouse,onthesecondfloorofanoldcluboffFifthAvenue,wassuccessful from the beginning. A number of geisha have come from Gion toworkwithmethere,andevenMamehasometimesvisits.

InevergobacktoGion;IthinkI'dbedisturbedbyallthechanges.AfterMother'sdeath,afewyearsago,theNittaokiyawaspulleddownandreplacedbyabookshopwithtwoapartmentsaboveit.

OnhislastvisittoNewYorkCity,theChairmanandItookawalkthroughCentralPark.Hestoodwithhis twoweak,oldhandsonhiswalkingstick,andhiseyesclosed,andhebreathedindeeplythememoriesofthepast.

"Sometimes,"hesighed,"IthinkthethingsIrememberaremorerealthanthethingsIsee."

WewentbacktomyapartmentanddrankfromeachotheruntilIwasfullofhimandhewasfullofme.TheChairmandiedonlyafewmonthslater.

Everythingthateverhappenedtomewaslikeastreamtailingoverrocks,down,down,until it reached theocean theChairman. I've livedmy life againjusttellingittoyou.

It'struethatwhenIcrossParkAvenue,Inoticehowstrangeeverythingis.Theyellowtaxis thatgorushingpast,makingthatnoisewith their loudhorns;thewomen in their business suits, who looked so surprised to see a little oldJapanesewoman standingon the street corner in akimono.But, really,would

YoroidoseemlessstrangeitIwentbackthereagain?

Whatever our struggles, and whether we sink or swim, our world is nomorepermanentthanawaverisingontheocean.

-THEEND-

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