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MIHS 101 Advice from experienced MIHS parents! Version 4 updated October 2012 June 2011 original issue By: Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012 The PTSA President during the 2012-2013 school Mary Kay Woolston [email protected], and the PTSA President-Elect is Debbie Hanson [email protected] . Why you should read this pamphlet: This pamphlet is full of advice from over forty experienced MIHS parents, counselors and school administrators. Many of these suggestions took me five years to figure out. I only wish someone had shared this with me when my family started at MIHS! Best wishes to you and enjoy your time at MIHS! Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012 [email protected]

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Page 1: MIHS 101 - Mercer Island School District...In the left column, under Popular Links, click “Student Handbook”. 8. Attend the Parent Peer Group Meetings for your child’s grade

MIHS 101 Advice from experienced MIHS parents!

Version 4 – updated October 2012 June 2011 – original issue

By: Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012

The PTSA President during the 2012-2013 school

Mary Kay Woolston [email protected], and the

PTSA President-Elect is Debbie Hanson [email protected] .

Why you should read this pamphlet:

This pamphlet is full of advice from over forty experienced MIHS parents, counselors and school

administrators. Many of these suggestions took me five years to figure out. I only wish someone had

shared this with me when my family started at MIHS! Best wishes to you and enjoy your time at MIHS!

Diane Johnson

PTSA President 2011-2012

[email protected]

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Cliff notes for those of you who won’t read the entire pamphlet

Important Items to Note:

8/8 Fall Sports Registration packets due

Thurs 8/23 Fees & Photos day for Frosh/Juniors 7am-3pm

PTSA New Student Welcome BBQ

Fri 8/24 Fees & Photos day for Soph/Seniors 7am-3pm

Wed 8/29 First Day of School

Fri 9/7 PTSA Welcome Coffee 9:00 am

Mon 10/1 Open House/Pass the Hat PTSA Fundraiser

See LOTS more info about calendar and dates on the next page!

1. How do I hear about events going on at school?

(A) Join the MISD ANNOUNCEMENT LISTSERV mailing list. (NOTE- if you are coming from 8th

grade at IMS, and you have been receiving listserv emails, your email will automatically be rolled into

the MIHS freshman class distribution list and you will automatically receive all electronic

communications.) If you are new to the district or simply new to the listserv, subscribe by sending an

email to: [email protected] . Be certain to include parent first and last name, the current

grade level(s) of your high school student(s), and any email addresses you would like added.

(B) Read Chapter 2 of this packet for detailed info on all the ways to stay informed.

2. What is the #1 piece of advice to help my child quickly find a social group and friends at MIHS?

Join a club, sport or activity. Highly recommended for all new students. A complete list of clubs and

activities is located at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/111 .

The MIHS Activities Coordinator is Associate Principal Jeff D’Ambrosio 230-6626

[email protected] .

A list of sports is found at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/5289 .

The Athletic Coordinator is Ann Meisner 236-3429 [email protected]; and the Athletic

Director is Associate Principal Jamie Prescott 236-3387 [email protected] .

3. The MIHS calendar is located at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/10. YOU

SHOULD BOOKMARK THIS SITE and use it often!

The district calendar is located at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/2

Additionally, if you want to see your child’s daily schedule, you can find a general outline of it here:

http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/5700 . This can be helpful for scheduling medical appointments,

etc. Remember, there are THREE CALENDARS to bookmark!

5. What are helpful websites?

Mercer Island High School: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8

Mercer Island High School PTSA: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/101

Skyward – to check grades https://www2.nwrdc.wa-

k12.net/scripts/cgiip.exe/WService=wmercers71/fwemnu01.w

Mercer Island School District: http://www.mercerislandschools.org//Domain/4

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Cliff Notes (con’t)

6. Who do I call if my child is having problems?

Their alphabetical counselor:

Sheryl Ehrlichman 206-236-3354 Secretary

Susie Brown (206) 236-3362 A-D (9-12)

Susan Sutherin (206) 236-6013 E-Le (9-12)

TBA (206) 236-3355 Lf-R (9-12)

Kathleen Stearns (206) 236-3365 S-Z (9-12)

For more information, check the counseling department website:

http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/93

7. Who do I contact with PTSA questions?

During the 2012-2013 school year, the PTSA President is Mary Kay Woolston

[email protected] 232-0215, and the PTSA President-Elect is Debbie Hanson

[email protected] 236-3091.

CHAPTER 1: DATES AND CALENDARS

The MIHS calendar is located at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/10

The district calendar is located at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/2

Early August MIHS Athletic Office Opens

Wed, 8/8 Fall Sports Packets Due

mid-late August Fall Sports Start (Football begins on 8/17 though), and Band Camp

Tues 8/21 Counseling Department Class Schedule Add/Drop Day,

Thurs 8/23 Fees & Photos for Frosh/Jrs 7am – 3pm,

PTSA New Student Welcome BBQ -Come for, school tours, meet

students, teachers and administrators and buy gear

Fri 8/24 Fees & Photos for Soph/Srs 7am – 3pm

Wed 8/29 First day of school – split schedule. Check MIHS website for times.

Fri 9/7 PTSA Welcome Coffee and volunteer signups 9:00 am

Tues 9/11 New to MIHS Parent

Home Football Games (I have included home football games because it is a great way to see kids, friends,

have fun, and feel connected!)

Mon 10/1 Open House/ Pass the Hat PTSA Fundraiser 6:30 pm

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CHAPTER 2: HOW CAN PARENTS GET THE INSIDE SCOOP

ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON AT SCHOOL?

1. Get on the Announcement Listserv (See directions in this packet-““Cliff Notes”- pt. #2)

2. Read the PTSA monthly newsletter -the “Islander Update” - distributed electronically.

3. Read the PTSA Weekly Bulletin – distributed electronically each Monday via the listserv. Previous

issues can be found on the MIHS PTSA website at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/101

3. Read all material that is distributed via the listserv –WEEKLY BULLETIN each Monday, and the weekly

lesson from BRIDGES.

4. Register on the Emergency Listserv: http://www.schoolreport.org/ (Registering here will enable you to

receive texts of school closures and delays. I found these text messages very helpful.) More info can be found at:

http://misd.schoolwires.net/Page/5304 .

5. Attend the OPEN HOUSE/PTSA PASS THE HAT FUNDRAISER in on Monday 10/1/12.. This is your

only formal opportunity to meet your child’s teachers!

6. Read the Daily bulletin found at: http://www.misd.wednet.edu/mihswebpage/hsbulletins/

7. Read the Student Handbook found at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8

In the left column, under Popular Links, click “Student Handbook”.

8. Attend the Parent Peer Group Meetings for your child’s grade. Check the MIHS calendar for dates.

9. Attend one of the PTSA General Meetings during the year:

Sept. 7th

, Oct. 15th, Dec. 14th

, Jan. 16th

, March 6th

, April 15th

10. Sign up to volunteer. You have this opportunity at the PTSA Welcome Coffee on Fri, 9/7, 2012.

Additionally, volunteer registration opportunities will be offered in our September newsletter.

11. Attend a school assembly. Many parents don’t know this, but there is a seating section just for parents!

(Look on the MIHS Calendar at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/10 ).

12. Attend parent education offerings sponsored by www.miparentedge.org

13. Subscribe to the MIHS Student newspaper: Either sign up at the PTSA Open House in late Sept., or

http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8 , click on “News and Events”, then click on Subscription form.

14. Attend all major music, theater and sporting events. If you want a list of ALL the MIHS sports

events, go to: http://www.kingcoconference.org/g5-bin/client.cgi?G5genie=352&school_id=12 You should

bookmark this site because it seems to be hard to find and you will have this question repeatedly during your HS

years!

CHAPTER 3: THE UNWRITTEN “RULES” AT MIHS

Note – many people think this info is unwritten, but MOST of it is found in the STUDENT

HANDBOOK: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8 In the left column, under Popular Links, click

“Student Handbook”. Somehow I never knew about the STUDENT HANDBOOK, but I wish I

had – it clearly explains just about everything you need. Check it out.

Seating in the Commons- The “Commons” is the area in between the gym and the school library. It is easily

accessed from the outdoor amphitheater. Students gather here before school, and during lunch and off periods.

Typically, Freshmen sit in the “lower commons” on the west side nearest the gym. Sophomores sit just east of

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CHAPTER 3: THE UNWRITTEN “RULES” AT MIHS (con’t)

them in the western edge of the ‘upper commons” (1/2 floor up). Moving eastward you find the Juniors gathered,

followed by the Seniors who stake out their tables on the far east end near the library.

“Cutting” – this is the practice where upperclassmen feel they have the right to “cut” in front of younger kids in the

lunch line. The school administration, and the school security officer, Kelly John Lewis, do all they can to

eliminate this practice, and it is not allowed or condoned.

Parking- Approximately 225 student parking spaces are assigned via lottery in the first week of school. Seniors

and Juniors are eligible and passes are $75/semester. Street parking on 8th

street is available for all others. See the

STUDENT HANDBOOK for more detailed info. ALL NUMBERED PARKING SPACES ARE ASSIGNED

AND NOT AVAILABLE FOR VISITOR PARKING. There are 4 15 min. visitor spaces along the curb in the

turn around for quick stops. A limited number of visitor spaces are located in the SW corner of the main parking

lot. Parking in an inappropriate stall results either in a ticket with a fine, or in your car being blocked in.

Additionally, after you park in one of the valid visitor spaces, you need to register your car in the main office. If

the visitor spaces are full, you must either park at the Administration Building, or on 88th

Street and walk five

blocks. Please plan FIFTEEN MINUTES to park, and bring an umbrella for your walk.

Hazing- I (Diane Johnson) contacted the school administration and many students to learn about this. The school

administration neither condones, nor tolerates it. Does it happen? It may, but the challenge for the school

administration and parents is to determine what is the definition of hazing vs. school-spirited fun. Parents need to

keep their eyes and ears open. NONE of the many students I spoke with indicated it is a problem. Most students I

spoke with described it in a light-hearted school-spirited fun such as: freshman golf team members have to wear

all maroon and white during a certain week, or Senior band members tell freshman band members to wear a

“Mercer Island” temporary tattoo on their faces one day. If kids don’t want to participate then they opt out. I

honestly don’t think your child will have any problems with it.

Dress Code- The code states clothing must be safe, clean, appropriate and not disrupt the educational process.

See the Student Handbook for more details.

Electronics- They need to be turned off and out of sight. See the Student Handbook for details.

Making “deliveries” to your kids at school- The front office does not have a mechanism to call a student up to

pick up items like lunches, homework, etc. My general rule is this: if my child should have remembered it on his

own, then it is “tough luck baby.” My child will have to tough it out and learn the hard way. If it truly is

something they need unexpectedly – i.e. – medication, a pickup for an unplanned doctor’s appointment, etc, then it

is best to text your child for them to meet you outside the school.

Leaving, arriving, and absences- this info is written many places, but it bears repeating.

-MIHS IS A “CLOSED CAMPUS” FOR FRESHMEN, which means they are not allowed to leave during the

school day..

-a “Wammo” is a pre-arranged absence form and must be filled out (signed by a guardian, not your student

forging your signature. Don’t ask me how I know this) and turned into the attendance office. Specific

ATTENDANCE POLICY details are in the student handbook, and Wammos can be downloaded from:

http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/1209 .

A “Wammo” is appropriate for things like: field trips, vacations, college visitations, religious holidays, all extra-

curricular activities requiring school absences, etc.

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CHAPTER 4: HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FIRST HS DANCE

MIHS usually hosts three major dances each year: the Homecoming Dance (“semi-formal”, Sat, Oct. 20th,

2012 , the Winter Tolo (formal, Sat. Jan. 19th

, 2013), and the Spring Tolo (casual attire, Tentatively scheduled for

Sat., April 13th). Traditionally boys do the inviting to the Homecoming Dance, girls do the inviting to the winter

tolo, and kids go in groups to the casual spring tolo. Tickets are sold both at school before the dance and at the

door. MANY kids attend in groups and without dates! Kids usually organize into groups of anywhere between

four and forty kids and most groups have a few kids join in who want to participate but are not taking a date.

It seems that the days of calling someone on the phone and inviting them to the dance are long gone.

Traditionally, the person doing the inviting thinks of a creative way to do it. Examples we’ve seen are: TP’ing

someone’s car and writing the invite on the windows, having a friend deliver a pie to the ‘invitee” with the dance

invite written on the pie, having someone deliver the “invitee” a latte with a written invite curled up in the straw,

etc., etc. Kids have fun and get very creative!

The evening usually begins with a social gathering of kids and their parents at the home of one of the kids.

Some people call this a “Meet and greet” and it usually last about 45 minutes and may include a few appetizers,

beverages, a chance to meet the other parents, and a chance to take pictures of the kids. At the formal dances, boys

usually wear either suits or sport coats and slacks, and girls usually wear cocktail-length dresses. You do not need

to spend a fortune on new clothes for your child! Many kids borrow clothes and I have purchased nice suits for

my boys each year at Goodwill (suits cost approximately $20 there.) Boys pre-purchase a corsage for their date

(tip: get a wrist corsage, not a pin-on one!) and girls pre-purchase a boutonniere. Often, the boy will wear a tie

that coordinates with the color of his date’s dress.

The second stage of the dance is dinner either at a restaurant or in someone’s home. Freshman year, my

boys each were in groups that did a potluck dinner at someone’s house. Since none of the kids drove, parents were

organized to drive the kids. Renting limos is NOT the norm (at least for underclassmen). Personally, in our

family, kids are not allowed to rent limos until Senior Prom. The in-between step has become the rental of “party

busses”. I have never been a huge fan of this, but it is a popular way that kids arrange their transportation( because

it takes less coordination on the parent-driver end. My kids were not allowed to be on a “Party Bus” freshman year

because I thought it was too expensive and an extravagance. For my family, parent carpooling worked just fine

freshman year. Also, your child does not need to eat at an expensive restaurant! After freshman year, my kids

usually ate at restaurants that cost approximately $15/person. It has been a good experience for my sons to contact

restaurants ahead of time and pre-arrange reasonably priced menus for their groups.

The third stage of the evening is the dance itself and kids usually attend for a few hours. Encourage your

child to stay and enjoy the dance! All school rules apply at the dance. Note – when a couple attends, it is

traditional for one person to do the inviting and purchase the dance tickets and the dinner. The other person in the

couple traditionally pays for the photos at the dance. If your child is the “invitee”, they should take some cash to

purchase the photos onsite.

The final stage is the “After Party”. This is held by a parent and usually entails kids changing into casual

clothes, activities like games, movies, ping-pong or hot-tubbing, and light snacks. Usually the group will decide

ahead of time on the time the After Party closes down and the plan for transporting everyone home. I have made it

a policy to always call the host of the after party to make sure they will be present and supervising. (By the way,

Freshman year I ALWAYS call all party hosts and make sure parents will be home and supervising.)

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Great advice from an experienced parent: The Homecoming dance happens in October (usually) and the frenzy starts very

early. Freshman are always anxious and the boys start asking girls very early. It will catch parents (and some kids) off guard. Things to

consider for the dance: the kids/boys will want to handle all of the logistics themselves, but they will need parental help as

this is the type of event that they have never dealt with before and there are a lot of logistics (drivers, reservations, after-party, photos,

etc.). If there is a family or two in the “group” that has older siblings and thus the parents have been through the drill before it can be

immensely helpful, as first-time freshman parents often don’t have a good idea as to what needs to happen. Plus, the more parents that

are involved in planning, hosting, supervising, and driving, the less likely there is for any chance that things can “go wrong”.

CHAPTER 5: RESOURCES 1. Alphabetic Counselors http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/93

2. MI Youth and Family Services Counselors:

Cathy Gentino, M.C.,LMHC, Counselor, 236-3290, [email protected]

Chris Harnish, B.A., CDC, Substance Abuse Specialist, 236-3363, [email protected]

3. Encourage your child to Contact his/her teacher. Staff contact information can be found on the

MIHS school website at:

http://www.mercerislandschools.org/site/Default.aspx?PageType=1&SiteID=8&ChannelID=202&Dire

ctoryType=6

4. If you email a teacher and don't hear back, call and leave them a message because they may not have

gotten the email due to the district's spam filter!

CHAPTER 6: WISE ADVICE FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS

Here you go…. Comments from over forty parents, counselors and school administrators. You

certainly won’t agree with every idea, but I hope this will give you some ideas to ponder.

Academic advice: -We fell into the habit of having our son write out his specific academic goals at the start of each semester

with 1-2 specific ways he was going to accomplish them. (ie “Raise my Spanish grade from a B to an A. To

accomplish this I will spend 15 minutes every night reviewing vocab and follow up with my teacher after every test

to be sure I understand what I did wrong.”) We had NO input into these goals, but once they were written out, our

student made a copy for himself and one for us, and we used our copy to keep him committed to what HE had

decided to do during the course of the semester.

-I was speaking with a counselor this week and she mentioned that teachers will sometimes storm into her office

complaining that a student has had an issue all semester long but has made no effort to talk with the teacher until

it is too late--and is now trying to change things. A teacher voiced something similar about the need to be in

touch with the teacher if there's something going on at home, etc.

-The academics offered, caliber of teachers and quality of courses, are second to

none! But, students need to be go-getters. No one is going to push them to take the

challenging classes or manage their time/effort in getting good grades.

-From the MIHS Counseling Department:

-1/3 of freshmen take seven classes (as opposed to six) and this is usually if they are in band. Most kids

(and especially boys) are not ready to handle seven classes.

-if a child is a slow reader, give them more slack and fewer activities.

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-some kids “freeze” with too many activities. One activity is good, two may be good, three = the child

might get “frozen” and nothing happens.

Page 7

Advice from Experienced Parents: ACADEMIC (continued):

-“We see many instances where the parent has obviously done the child’s homework. This should never

happen at this age.”

-The majority of students take six classes. That seems to be the optimum workload with

competing interests like sports, etc.

* Choosing classes with friends they know makes a big difference

- And avoid asking “what’d you get?” – instead ask “did you work hard and do your best?”

- Students shouldn't feel like as if need to take every AP/Honors course offered. It's too stressful for many. My daughter

pulled back her junior year and didn't take the Honors English/AP History class so she could focus on a variety of courses

and keep her grades up. She got into a good college and had a great experience.

- COMMUNICATE with both the kids and the teachers, and be real clear on expectations of both. Add

perspective, nothing is the 'end of the world'. Try as hard as you can to understand the teachers' perspective.

The cool thing about high school is the broader range of classes – so it’s a good idea to branch out

and try something that may not have been tried before

- Stay on top of Skyward. If you see they don't have a homework assignment turned

in, ask them about it right away. (Skyward is the online system showing your

student’s grades: http://www.misd.k12.wa.us/parentsfamilies/skyward.html)

-I strongly encouraged my son to NOT take a lot of AP classes. He insisted on doing so - I don't know who/where/why he got it in his head that he needed a bunch of AP classes to get into a decent

college. Sure enough, the highest level math AP class was too much for him and we struggled a semester on what to do: Withdraw? Pass/fail? Take a low grade? I encourage parents to NOT push

their kids into AP classes!! If they are AP material...a teacher will let you know.

-Our children have had the fortune / misfortune of attending other schools (outside of Mercer Island and WA), so we

may have added perspectives that others might not have experienced. We find MIHS to be an excellent academically

focused high school. We find the classes are taught at a strong or high level, and when compared to other schools –

the bar is set high on academics.

-In our house, all homework is to be completed before any socializing (or xbox live) on Sunday.

-When we took college tours, many of the reps said that if AP classes are offered at

a high school, they expect kids to take them. I wish I had encouraged Johnny to

push himself a little harder.

-I guess my lesson is that you have to understand that kids complain and aren’t going to like certain teachers/classes, but if

in your gut, something doesn’t feel/sound quite right, you need to step in, because while MIHS is a really great place to go

to school, it isn’t perfect.

-First semester freshman year is NOT the time to stand back and see if your child is mature enough to

handle the high school scene on his own. Check skyward access as often as your stomach will allow.

Do not avoid it. You need to know if your child is sinking or swimming.

Page 8

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Advice from Experienced Parents: ACADEMIC (continued): -If your child hasn't been the one talking to teachers when they have a question or issue, it's time to encourage

them to do that rather than you making the initial call.

-Academics: Registration is confusing. When you first receive the catalog of classes it feels like you are signing your

child up to attend Bellevue College. In retrospect, there aren’t really all that many options for freshmen and parents

shouldn’t overly stress about it. The MIHS counselors do a great job walking through the options/choices with the

kids at IMS, and when they bring their sheets home, they are essentially done. Things to consider:

1) There are more Honors options now than there were even two years ago. Try not to get overly caught up in

this because some kids aren’t ready for this level of work (even though their parents think that they are). Try

to get feedback from your child’s current math/science/English teacher to see if they feel that your child can

handle Honors Level work.

-Lots of 8th

grade parents wonder how many “honors” classes their child should take. The answer is it depends.

How many extra-curricular activities does your child have? Do they need extra sleep? Do they like a full

schedule? Do they feel overwhelmed with pressure? What is your child’s desire? My advice is to go easy.

-I would tell parents, that in most cases, the teachers are very supportive and accessible to both

the students and parents. USE THEM.

-High school kids these days are under a LOT of pressure. My husband and I see our kids working much harder

than we did 30 years ago. I think anything you can do to NOT give your child additional pressure on grades, etc

is a good thing.

- students should learn early that they need to advocate for themselves –

teachers (and counselors) really appreciate that. Even when it’s hard, the

results are worth the discomfort.

-When our oldest started high school we thought that this is when kids need to start speaking for themselves and working out issues like

class schedules, issues with coaches...... I still think they do but we need to stay involved, back them up, help them navigate the system

and make sure they are heard. As freshman the school does not know your child yet. Be an advocate until they know your student and

your student knows the school.

- We tied driving privileges (including taking driver's ed) to grades and other responsible behavior. It wasn't just an

automatic privilege that they could take driver's ed at 15 and get their license on their 16th birthday.

-Crest is the alternative section of MIHS. There are 7 staff members there and 115 students. If your child is

looking for something different than the mainstream courses at MIHS, then Crest is a great alternative. My

child goes there and the environment is creative, fun, and supportive. I highly recommend it. Also, you can

just take a few of your classes there (like English and History) and take the rest on the main campus that is a

5 minute walk away.

Extracurricular Activities:

-It is very helpful if your child wears a t-shirt with some sort of MIHS logo on the first day of school. If his or

her extra-curricular activity doesn’t begin until later in the year (ex: basketball or lacrosse), you might consider

buying a generic MIHS t-shirt for them to wear on day one. It always helps to fit in!

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Advice from Experienced Parents: Extra-Curricular (continued): -We are fortunate that Johnny found an Extra-Curricular activity that he loves and is passionate about. For

anyone looking to get involved in debate, they should know that it is extremely time-consuming and is not cheap,

especially if the student debates on the national circuit. It's probably obvious, but students should choose things

they love, not merely to pad their resumes.

-As long as classroom grades are maintained at an agreed to acceptable level – we encourage as many outside activities as

possible. As of yet – we have not one single regret.

-YES! Getting involved is a good life skill. It gets students connected so school is more of a home, helps them meet kids

with similar interests and keeps them busy in those iffy after school hours.

-The band program at MIHS is VERY fun and if kids are contemplating quitting for high school, I

always recommend that they at least try it for their freshman year so that they get the experience

of marching band, etc., and then if they want to quit, they know they are making an informed

decision.

-As for finding a niche at MIHS, I would strongly encourage all students to join a club, go out for a sport or continue in

music (band, orchestra or chorus). Finding a group to identify with and a positive way to spend spare time is crucial. Kids

need a healthy outlet for the stress of studying and achievement pressures.

-The student doesn't have to do everything offered! They should choose what they're interested in, and participate

with gusto.

-At MIHS, sports and extra-curricular activities are also managed at a high level. In today’s economic environment, where

our public education system has truly been devastated, we find MIHS to be shining proof that a strong local community can

positively impact the system. Other schools our children have attended (outside of WA) were ranked highly academic, but

the social and extra-curricular activities offered at MIHS truly differentiate them from any other.

-My motto for my boys is “Keep them sore and tired. Sore and tired.”

-Cross Country is a no-cut, low-stress, all-inclusive, huge-family-atmosphere team, and is a great way to make new friends (all ages)

and immediately be a part of a fun “group”. Kids don’t need to be runners or have participated at IMS. There are all levels on the

team and I have heard many parents comment on how this was a great thing for their (non-runner) child to be a part of. Practices

start in the summer (not required, but helpful) so the kids meet other members of the team early on which is great. There are also

potlucks, a retreat, over-night, etc.

-Sports at the high school are fun – for freshman it seems like a fall sport really helps kids feel like they are part of things.

Cross Country is great for this. Marching Band fills a similar role. However – be your child’s advocate when sports and

band start their tug-of-war for your child’s attention.

-Ann Meisner in the Athletic Office runs a very tight ship. Sports paperwork must be 100% complete and

turned in before the deadline or your child will not practice with the team. Don’t leave it to the last minute

because no exceptions are made with incomplete paperwork. PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION TO THE FIRM

DUE DATE FOR ATHLETIC PAPERWORK BECAUSE NO EXCEPTIONS ARE MADE!!

-Some parents and kids ask if it is possible to play two sports in one season in high school. The

answer is NO!

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CHAPTER 6: WISE ADVICE FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS

Social:

-. Trust your instincts and get involved if you feel your child is not thriving. Counselors and MIYFS counselors are an

asset but parents know their child best. Teachers don't know our kids when they are freshman like they will when they have

been at the school for a year or two. They don't see changes in them that could actually be warning signs.

- Chris Harnish( The Youth & Family Services Counselor) is a gem and I think parents should use the MIYFS

counselors more often and sooner. I think they know the pulse of the school from a different perspective and they

don't have the same agenda. I can't stress this one enough!!!!

* have their friends stay at your house.

* they have to tell me where they are going to be and a parent has to be at the home.

-My 1 piece of advice here; Nothing good comes from huge groups – Limit the “pre and post”

dance parties to a manageable size (which means a small enough group that you’ve talked to

the parents and are on the same page. Optimally, 5-10 couples. That goes for sleep-overs

too. Nothing good comes from the 10 kid sleep overs…..

-On the other hand, if your child doesn’t seem to want to be “out there” support them in this. It may be that their friends are headed off in a direction your child isn’t comfortable with. Spend time with your child if they are like this! They will venture out sometime in their Junior year when social things have sorted out and they find their place.

-Freshmen go to Fees & Photos day in late August. Parents almost always attend with freshmen

because the kids can’t drive themselves there and the child needs checks to pay for a variety of things.

Sophomore year about 50% of parents come, and by Jr and Sr. year, it is considered uncool to have

parents with you!

-Use the Parent Advisory Council to check in on rumors. Each grade level parent

rep is listed on the MIHS PTSA website.”

-Be the carpool driver whenever possible. It is a great opportunity to listen in.

- Keep talking to them about making good choices in every aspect of their life, including their friends

-Make contact with the parents of your child's new friends. (Note – PTSA Membership comes with one free directory. This is

the best way to get phone numbers for new kids and parents.)

- Kids in this community have access to money, cars, boats, empty houses, drugs, liquor cabinets and more. I think

my main advice on the social scene would be: “Don’t ever hesitate to call the parents at a home where a gathering is

planned. Ask a few key questions – once when I asked a Dad about his attitude toward serving liquor to minors, he

laughed. My son did not attend the party at that home!” It is possible to have a congenial/ respectful relationship with

your teen and still be the parent. The stakes are high – there are real dangers out there and teens are not known for

their “good judgment”.

-We have also always “checked” parties, sleep-overs, etc by actually calling the hosting parents, especially if we don’t know them. (I usually introduce myself, thank the parents for having the party, ask if there is anything I can do to help, make sure they have my phone number if they need

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SOCIAL (con’t): anything, etc.) When I do this, I am sure to mention to our son that I have called, so he is not surprised when the parent says “oh, I talked to your mom today….”. We still do this occasionally for our son who is an upperclassman.

-Usually, freshmen boys are very nervous about asking a girl to the Homecoming dance. My son had a girl in mind, but he waited

and she was asked by someone else. Same thing with his choice #2, and choice #3! If a boy wants to go, he needs to get a plan in

place early!

-After every home football game in the fall, there is a great MOSH PIT in the outdoor amphitheater right outside

the commons. The marching band plays and marches from the stadium to the amphitheater, and students dance

like crazy during the 30 minute spirit fest. It is great fun to watch!

CHAPTER 6: WISE ADVICE FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS

Parent Involvement/ Rules

-Tough one and different for every child. Know their friends, know the parents, and generally, even though they say the don't

want you there, they love having you see them and know you are proud of them.

-Driving only on island until the six month probation is up.

-“Back Off”

- Social activities encouraged, with limits. Dances, yes, with rules. Sleepovers, maybe, as planned in advance and with

COMMUNICATION. Curfew, never, no need. No matter what time they go to sleep, they still have to live up to their

ends of the bargain in the morning. It only takes a time or 2 and this lesson is self-taught.

-Our motto has always been “Truth over Obedience”.

-Currently we expect Johnny to tell us where he's going to be and we ask that he get home before the

driving curfew. (He's still on his 6 mo. probationary license.) When he was younger, we were a little

more involved especially since he needed to be driven. Now he's pretty independent

-DO let your kids know you will continue to call parents to see if an adult is home during social events.

DO call those parents (we all appreciate each other doing that, even if our kids don't.) Think about a NO

SLEEPOVER rule. Really...what good things can happen with a group of teenagers between midnight and

6 am?? Nothing!

-My curfews are on the early side, and I don't regret that. 10:30 freshman year, 11 sophomore year, 11:30 junior year and

midnight senior year. I do make exceptions, where warranted, but I think the later kids stay out, the more trouble they get

into.

- Set an early curfew as freshman...that way you have room to extend and it doesn't become a late hour by the time they are

juniors. We started at 11:30. Our freshman gave us a lot of flack about that, but he got used to it, now he is a junior and

comes home 11:30 to 12:30. ....nothing good happens after 12 am....

-My experience is that typical curfew for a Freshman is between 10 and 11 pm (on a regular Fri or Sat.)

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Advice from Experienced Parents: Parent Involvement/Rules (con’t):

- lock up your liquor and beer

-I am glad I have banned sleepovers, for the most part. Not much good comes out of them at this age... on a few

rare occasions have let boys stay at my house when they couldn't get home safely, or didn't want to face the firing

squad at home. I don't get involved; I just like to provide a safe place for them.

- We had a contract with our teenagers that was suggested to us by our daughter when she started high school. A

friend of hers had this arrangement with her family, and it gave the kids great incentive to think carefully before

making poor choices. For each of the topics of sex, drugs, smoking, and alcohol, we offered a financial incentive at

the end of high school for each thing that they didn't do. We made the financial incentive large enough to get their

attention, and it gave them an out with peers who might have been pressuring them to dabble in unhealthy

behavior. We figured we'd be giving them some spending money for college anyway, and this gave them "strings

free" money in the bank that they had earned with good behavior and safe choices. It was pretty successful.

-My children pay for their own gas for all their personal driving. We pay

for the gas for “family” driving (i.e. – family errands or transporting

themselves to required activities.) This breaks down to about a 50/50 split

on the cost.

- If your child does make a mistake, do not protect them from the consequences. One of my children was

once involved in a criminal act. The consequences were swift and firm, and we fully supported the

professionals involved. We truly believe she learned from her mistake and is a much better person for it.

- Keep a drug testing kit under your bathroom sink and let them know you will use

it. Randomly check them just to keep them on their toes.

- Talk frankly with your kids about alcohol and drug use, as well as sexual activity. If

you’ve waited until 9th grade, you’ve waited too long. Make clear your expectations about

these things and bring the subjects up again, occasionally, for reemphasis. Never

underestimate how much they already know!

-Put an end to sleepovers. They aren’t little kids anymore. A counselor once told me that going to sleepovers was a

common theme with the High School kids who get into trouble. It’s an invitation for the kids to start doing the things they

shouldn’t be doing.

They are in HS and should be allowed to make their own (small) mistakes. The main thing is trust.

If it's lost, it's lost forever. Even if it slips, if only just a little, on a 'little' thing,

parents need to jump all over it. This avoids the big stuff.

-As for parents, stay involved!!!! Be a band booster, soccer game snack bar worker, help serve lunch for the teachers, chaperone an

activity, join the PTSA! Though the time of “helping in the classroom” might be in the past, kids need to know that their parents are

actively committed to their school. And, everyone’s support is needed to make the MIHS community thrive! An added bonus – if

you stay involved, you are in the information loop – “conspiracy of mothers” , I called it!

-Set curfews and insist that your child check in with you before bed, even if he or she has to wake you up.

(One parent’s rule is the child must kiss her goodnight so she can smell the child’s breath.)

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Advice from Exp. Parents: Parent Involvement/Rules (continued): - Keep communication open at all times, and don't be afraid to talk about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. :-) Your kids have to

know how you feel about these issues.

-If you think your child is not ready to drive then wait! Our very impulsive child had to wait an extra year before we

allowed him to get his license. Though he was unhappy with us, we do not regret the decision.

-Students are texting 24/7. Make a curfew for the cell phone: 10:30 weeknights, 12:30 weekends. THEN—put the

phone in your bedroom at night. If you doubt this—go online to your service. Check the phone number data

usage—you will most likely find 1 a.m. on a Monday evening. 3 a.m. is not out of the question either. Then, 5 a.m.

Kids are being woken up all night long. You may have to have the laptop brought in the kitchen or turn off the Wi-Fi

as well. If my son complains that he can’t sleep—he is allowed to read. Just no electronics.

-During high school we were not our kids' friends, we were their parents - with all the guidance they need to

shepherd them through a fairly tumultuous time, they need a parent - the friendship comes later when they are

in college.

- At the dance pre-parties and after-parties, Make sure the parents plan to be home

and make sure they plan to focus on the students and NOT be partying themselves—

thus you are making sure there is not alcohol within hands reach of the students.

-Make sure your kids know you love and adore them, will always be their advocates, and support them, but you are

PARENTS and not just friends. They know the rules we have set, and if they break them, there will be consequences.

-Encourage family discussion regarding school topics at the dinner table or sitting in the living room.

-One of my biggest complaints is that parents do not see that their children are getting enough sleep. A

sleepy child does not learn.

-We ask our kids to text us whenever they are on the move. Not a big deal early on, when kids don’t drive, but

it’s a habit now and our older child will send us half a dozen texts on a Saturday night, as he moves around the

island. We’re training our middle schooler to do this too.

-What we found most helpful when the boys were in the high school (and we are now doing this with Johnny as

he is a freshman) is keep in touch with the kids (where they go, who they hang with, what they are doing, and how

does homework fit into this?) Know who their friends are, and I mean really know, not just a name, but the face

and if possible, the parents' faces! If and when issues arose with "undesirables" my spouse and I were really firm.

That person was not welcome in our home, period!! I know it is hard to be rigid with children, but we maintained

a disciplinary approach - actions had consequences, always.

-Parent involvement is a must. You need to be at their activities. Love is not enough. You

need to "show" your love by cheering, participating or helping on activities.

-Enforce good study and sleep habits by setting bed times and denying electronic use after a certain time. Have

them turn off all electronics by 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. unless they are finishing a homework assignment. Check cell

phone records to make sure they are not texting or calling each other after that time.

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Advice from Exp. Parents: Parent Involvement/Rules (continued):

-We had a family rule that whenever there was a big problem (ex: kids caught lying, breaking rules, using alcohol, etc. we took a time out and WAITED 24 HOURS before discussing it. It was a good chance for everyone to cool down and get their heads on straight.

- My kids have always known that my spouse and I have authority over what they are allowed to do. Yes, they get freedom and personal decision-making, but they know that if an event or activity does not meet our safety/supervision standards, then we will not allow them to go. It was smart to establish that up front so it wasn’t new news to them at the time of the event.

Things parents said they would do differently if given the chance:

-I would be more involved and meet the teachers and main people at the High School.

- I would have more kids. In fact, I'd still like to have more kids, but that would require a new wife and I like the one I

have. In other words, I wouldn't do anything differently.

-I wish I had been more strident in setting rules & specific times for studying. My daughter could

have used one - two set hours per night with NO phone, computer or TV to sit and do homework. If I

had set that as a hard rule day one - it would have been easier to stick to.

- I wish I had made it mandatory for them to sign up for at least one extracurricular activity.

-I would have made it impossible for my kids to use their phones or surf the internet or get on facebook

while they were doing homework.

General Comments:

-I have been around teenage drivers for 8 years, and frequently they are not wise or safe. Be very

cautious letting your child ride with young drivers. If your child has an upperclassman friend who

has passed their 6-month probation period, that does NOT mean it is safe for your child to ride into

Seattle at night with that driver!

-Two of our four children attended MIHS and both had terrific experiences! They had fun, explored some new interests,

made great friends and each acquired almost a semester of either credit or advanced placement opportunities. (They had

excellent prep for college work!!!!!)

-“MIHS is a great place for kids who are self-starters and self-stoppers”.

-One way to get familiar with the school and its pace is to go back to the PTSA website

and look at previous versions of the WEEKLY BULLETINS and MONTHLY NEWSLETTERS. That

gives you a feel for life at MIHS. You can find them at:

http://mercerislandschools.org/domain/101

-Your child can get a driver’s permit at age 15 ½. IF they are enrolled in a driver’s ed class that begins within ten days of their 15th

birthday, they can get their permit on their 15th

birthday. Our family always had our kids start their driving at age 15 so they could have

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one full year of supervised driving with an adult before getting their license at age 16. We liked this idea much better than only having

the child undergo six months of supervised driving before getting a driver’s license at age 16.

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General Comments (con’t):

-I read everything that comes from the high school via listserv, especially the weekly letters from the principal, and the

Bridges lessons. It sounds compulsive, but I will often jot down notes about what is discussed in these documents so that I

won’t forget to ask my student about them (casually, of course). Sometimes I get a monosyllabic answer, but sometimes it

actually sparks a conversation!

- Though they argue, most kids (inside) will admit that they appreciate their parent’s interest in their lives. Some say

values are completely determined by age 16…..so the chance for change is really before then. School administrators will

say how much the kids brag about their parent’s involvement.

“PAY ATTENTION”

-All kids lie. They make ones up that you could drive a semi-truck through.

-We have a large family. If we can ever arrange it (and it is hard), my spouse and I try to go out to dinner with only one

child. The child feels like a king or queen and it often leads to fantastic conversations that we can’t have in a larger

family group.

-Help them understand that there will be teachers, coaches, other kids etc. that may be difficult to

deal with. They need to learn how to navigate thru those situations (obviously excluding blatant

abuse, bullying etc.) without immediately claiming victimization. I've seen many, many parents run

interference for their kids in minor situations and I don't really think that helps in the long run!

-Most kids at MIHS are way too coddled by their parents. They graduate from MIHS and don’t know

how to go out and figure out things for themselves. Parents here do way too much for kids.

-Enjoy these years because they go by quickly!!”

-Make sure you know a lot but don’t reveal how much you know.

-Most important advice to parents of incoming 9th grader's parents is to Relax!!! The vast majority of things that seem critical now (or in

the next 6 months) really won't matter... So breath and trust all will work out.

-The majority of parents at MIHS join the PTSA, and almost 100% of parents attend

Curriculum Night (called “Pass The Hat”) in the fall.

-In the blur of raising teenagers, it is very easy to forget about your relationship with your own spouse or

significant other. Remember, the most important relationship in the family is the relationship

between the parents.

______________________________________________________________________

From Diane Johnson – So there you have it! I hope these comments have helped guide you as you start your

journey at MIHS. My family has had a great experience at this school, and I wish you all the best at MIHS. Please

feel free to contact me with any questions or comments. Remember too that the PTSA President for the 2012-2013

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school year is Mary Kay Woolston [email protected] 232-0215, and the PTSA President-Elect is Debbie

Hanson [email protected] 236-3091.