Modern Urban Marriage in Mumbai

Laura Tubelle de GonzálezSan Diego Miramar College

April 2013

This presentation

• I developed this presentation for teachers of anthropology or related subjects to use in their classrooms or in developing their own lesson plans.

• All data are based upon field and other (written, online) research done on sabbatical, Jan-Feb 2013.

• My field visit was short, however I was able to survey and interview a small sample (21 individuals) of young, middle class urban women of marrying age (18-33) in Mumbai, India.

Marriage in Mumbai Today

• How are marriages arranged in Mumbai today?

• Does caste still play a part in the marriage match process?

• What are the expectations and goals of middle class “girls” of marrying age in the urban setting of Mumbai?

(Note: In India, unmarried people are called “girls” and “boys” regardless of age.)

Common Forms of Arranged Marriage Today in Mumbai

• The majority of matches are arranged informally through the “community.”

• The term community is a euphemism for a set of identity markers: Religion, Natal region, Language, and Caste.

• When a girl is ready for marriage, her parents will speak to their religious leader, relatives, and family friends about potential matches within the same community.

• If a match cannot be found through informal means, there are a number of other options.

Marriage “Meets”• A marriage “meet” is similar

to a singles “social” – girls and boys meet at a community center and spend several hours to all day together.

• The host (often a temple or church) prepares activities, such as games and serves lunch.

• Meets are usually geared toward a particular caste or region; in the photo, Brahmins from several regions are invited.

• For longer meets, parents are not invited to stay.

Marriage BureauThe marriage bureau is most often a physical location where parents may register their children when they are ready to meet potential matches. Because it is a physical office, a bureau also caters to the regional community. Today, some may also have online portals, catering to a wider population.

If a girl insists upon meeting boys outside her community, she will likely have to register with a bureau, in order to broaden the range of potential partners.

Matchmakers• Formal matchmakers are paid professionals, to whom an upper-

class Indian family is most likely to turn if they cannot find a match from within their immediate community due to the personalized service.

• Today, Indian matchmakers also have an online presence to cater to the international Indian community.

Newspaper ads

“Sunday Matrimonials” in the Times of India:

A less desired, but still viable, way to find a match is through media. This is more acceptable today for children who are overseas seeking an Indian mate, or for second marriages. The Times ads are divided by headings based on the ads: region, religion, profession, or status (such as NRI, non-resident Indian).

Online Matrimonial SitesAnother less popular, but still viable, means of seeking a match is through online sites. Girls say this is better for international couples and second marriages, after parents have already tried “and failed” first. The risk is that there is little or no information about the person’s family, so crucial to long-term success.

Self-Initiated Marraige

• The arranged vs. “love” marriage dichotomy is less useful today than a comparison of matches arranged by others and those which are self-initiated.

• Examples of self-initiated marriage:– “We met on the bus riding out of town.”– “He practiced [medicine] at the hospital next door

to where I was practicing.”– “We met in a college class.”

My sample: Majority Self-Initiated

• 5 of 6 of my interviewees initiated their own marriages; 1 registered with a marriage bureau.

• This is a very small sample; however, if this is indicative of larger trends, then in this sector of society, self-initiated matches may be much more common than externally arranged ones.

Love as Opposed to Arranged = False Dichotomy

• Many people would argue that they “fell in love” upon meeting their intended, whether the meeting had been arranged or by chance.

• People in arranged matches would argue that love grew steadily as they got to know their partners.

• Many studies report women use romanticized and companionate language to talk about their arranged marriage partners.

What about caste?

• Hindu religion specifies 4 major castes, and the unscheduled castes (including dalits, or what were prior to Gandhi’s time, known as “untouchables”).

• 3,000 subcastes exist within the major castes.• Although, of course, young women today know

their caste, they are reluctant to state it bluntly, preferring to use the term “community.”

• My study asked for participants’ caste/community; many responses were given (see next slide).

Survey question: “What is your caste/community?”

ETHNIC GROUP• Sindhi community • Sindhi Hindu • Mangalorean

RELIGIOUS• Hindu Vaishnav • Hindu/Buddhist • Hindu by marriage (Parsi/Christian

family)• Roman Catholic (2)• Christian• Sardar (Sikh)

CASTE• Koknastha Brahmin

RELIGIOUS + REGION• Hindu-Gujarati-Vaishnav • Hindu-Balasinor • Christian-Catholic from Kerala• Hindu-caste; Kutchi-community

REGION• Goan • Maharashtrian• "East Indian, Kulbi community, the

highest class of East Indians”

• “None” (3 - 2 Roman Catholics, 1 Hindu)

Interviewees have liberal ideals

• When asked about their expectations for the backgrounds of their future children’s spouses, my 21 interviewees had very liberal responses (see next slide).

• However, when compared to their parents’ marriages, and their own (6 of 21 are married), ideals are very different from their own family experience.

• Interestingly, the category with the most negative responses for acceptance of their children’s marriages was divorcée or widower (even over different religion).

If/when you have children, would you accept them marrying…?

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

May

be

A foreigner? An Indian of another re-

ligion?

Of different caste?

From a dif-ferent native

place or state?

A divorcée or widower?

0

5

10

15

20

25

17

2

18

2

19

1

20

0

9

7

3

No.

of r

espo

nden

ts

Religion, Caste/Community, Region:Girl’s parents (all respondents)

14

2

2

1 1All same

Same religion; Different regions

Same religion, caste, region; Different subcaste

Same religion, region; Different re-ligious practice, different natal towns

Same religion, region; Different natal towns

Religion, Caste/Community, Region:Husband and Wife

(married respondents)

5

1

All same

Different religion; Different regions

Results (Married)

• Even though 5/6 married respondents initiated their own marriages, 5/6 also share “communities,” that is, religion, caste/community, and family’s natal region.

• Clearly, although girls want to choose their own partners, they are choosing them within an Indian model of compatibility (not a Western model, in which “love conquers all differences”).

Results (Unmarried)

• Most hope to meet someone on their own, but will entertain the possibility of their parents helping arrange their match.

• None expressed a desire to seek a partner through advertisements or online at this time.

• All hoped to postpone marriage until they finished their education (Masters’ degrees or other graduate study) and began their careers. They expressed a wish to be financially stable and not fully dependent on their future husbands.

• They seek a husband who will respect them, support their ambitions, be humble and educated. They also expect to marry at or above their economic class.