MISCOMMUNICATION

by Katharine McNamara & Kate O’Brien

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Mini Miscommunication is a cheerful look at one ofthe most important aspects of any business;effective communication. Proven to positivelyimpact the bottom line, as well as engage bothinternal and external audiences, its power is oftendownplayed and its pivotal role for commercialsuccess overlooked.

The book is meant to be satirical, but versions of thescenarios covered can be found in offices andboardrooms at companies of all sizes, everywhere.

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This Book belongs to

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www.konductor.co.uk

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Mini Miscommunication was in charge of allcommunications in her company, and wasn’t verygood at it.

Quite often, people could be heard to say that shewas, ‘a bit rubbish.’

Others were less kind. A former boss oncecomplained, that when it came to communicating,she was ‘as much use as an ejector seat on ahelicopter’.

Not being very good at communicating, her poorpractice impacted the whole company.

From employee engagement and customer comms,through to reputation in the outside world. Thesecommunication staples, which under her watch,should have run like a golden thread through thecompany, ran more like a baby elephant in stilettosthrough a river of beans.

But little did she know; her world was about to betipped upside down with the arrival of a new andenigmatic visitor...

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It was Monday morning and MiniMiscommunication was feeling very clever. It wasgo-live day for the new sales and marketingcampaign, with advertising featuring across aprominent set of industry magazines.

As she leafed to the first double page spread, shefelt her hands go all cold and clammy. The ad wasfull of typos and mistakes.

The company telephone number was printedincorrectly, and directed to a bar in town whereclever ladies had learnt to dance on poles.

Worst of all, the final sentence was meant to say,‘we wish all our customers lots of luck’, but theword luck had been spelt very wrong indeed.

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As she fanned her sweaty brow, she felt a tap on hershoulder.

“Hello Mini Miscommunication, I’m MissMarketing, and from what I’ve seen, the way youcommunicate is about as refined as a vuvuzela at afuneral. You’ve managed to arrange advertising in animportant publication, but because of your lax signoff process, the company’s reputation is now on apar with the inventor of the top-knot.”

“You need to resolve this quickly. Proof a new ad,but this time check it over very carefully.”

When the new ads came out a few weeks later,more qualified leads came through than had evercome through before.

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Mini Miscommunication sat at her desk with herhands clasped, pondering Miss Marketing’s arrival.Her thoughts were rudely interrupted when MrCustomer Service came trampling over.

“Mini Miscommunication!” he boomed, “Thewebsite has been down since last night and I haveangry customers ringing me.”

Mini Miscommunication lurched back, quiteoffended. “And? What do you want me to do? Sendout a flock of carrier pigeons with little notes?”

Mr Customer Service was so furious with herresponse that a peculiar squeaking noise came outof him. She couldn’t tell from where.

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Once Mini Miscommunication had finished with theair freshener, she felt another tap on her shoulder. Itwas Miss Marketing and she looked very cross.

“The website may well be down,” Miss Marketingsaid, sounding like a Headmistress, “But many ofyour customers are on social media, and all useemail. Send an apology out across these otherchannels, and assure them that the situation willsoon be resolved.”

Mini Miscommunication did as she was told andwatched as the NPS score changed to green, andthe social media posts lit up with likes and shares.

Mini Miscommunication began to think MissMarketing knew what she was talking about, andthere was maybe something she could learn.

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As mornings went, today was a biggie. Thecompany was in the process of an acquisition andrumours were rife.

Her inbox was beginning to fill with questions fromcurious customers, colleagues, and the media.Work had all but ground to a halt as staff tradedgossip and tittle-tattle.

As Mini Miscommunication soaked up theatmosphere, and luxuriated in the knowledge thatshe was one of the few that knew what washappening, she felt a little tap on her shoulder.

She turned to see Miss Marketing looking rathermiffed to say the least.

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“Mini Miscommunication,” she began, “I’m not veryimpressed with what I’m seeing here. You can’t beholding back information, you’re not Davina. I’d likeyou to immediately assess everyone who’ll be affectedby this and work on the communication plan. Liaisewith HR as a priority, formulate some likely FAQs staffmight have, and inform investors and the press.”

Mini Miscommunication was too taken aback to argueand busily began doing everything Miss Marketinginstructed.

When the acquisition was complete, the CEO sent anemail to Mini Miscommunication thanking her for herexcellent handling of it.

She’d never received an email like that from him before.

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The time had come around again for MiniMiscommunication to update the company intranet.She looked at her list and began typing.

‘Cake sale...gurning competition...dress like abadger for the day...final warning to whoever hasbeen leaving baguettes in the urinals...bonus cakesale...’

She uploaded the new announcements and smuglysipped at her Pumpkin Spice Latte, reflecting onhow she kept the company afloat with her expertintranet management. As the sickly-sweet coffeewarmed her tummy, she felt a presence behind her.

She winced, feeling a familiar tap on her shoulder.

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“Now then,” Miss Marketing exclaimed, “Thecompany intranet is one of the most powerful waysto engage with staff. I am told that CEO Mel Amoreis launching a new employee feedback scheme;‘Tell Mel’, that sales are at an all-time high, and thebusiness is set to expand.”

“But the baguettes...” Mini Miscommunicationbegan.

Miss Marketing retorted, “Change it please. Now.”

Once again, Mini Miscommunication did as shewas told. She watched in amazement as employeesbegan high-fiving each other, talking excitedlyabout the sales results and who might apply for thenew positions. Indeed, Miss HR herself came overto her desk to thank her for the great updates.

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Tell Mel

Mini Miscommunication sat at her desk andfrowned. There was a finance meeting thisafternoon.

Mr Finance began the meeting by saying there wasgoing to be less money for Marketing for the nextquarter, but that they could have some extra felt-tipsif needed.

“That’s strange,” she thought. “The recent marketingcampaigns have seen very impressive ROI for thecompany.”

As she sat there she wondered if Miss Marketingwould tell her to remind everyone of that.Especially when she heard Mr Finance mutteringthat Marketing should get back to finger paintingand discussing the merits of bumper stickers.

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Impatient for the tap on the shoulder, MiniMiscommunication piped up. “I’m sorry MrFinance. But if you look at the data, everyMarketing campaign has delivered substantial ROI.If we want this company to grow you should beinvesting more money.”

The room fell deathly silent. The company CEO,slapped his hands on the table. “Well, this changesthings,” he harrumphed, “Mr Finance, increase thebudget for Marketing for the upcoming quarterplease.”

“Well done,” a little voice whispered in MiniMiscommunication’s ear.

She knew whose voice it was.

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Mr CEO

It was a Friday, and the monthly content plannerhad landed in Mini Miscommunication’s inboxready for review.

Her eyelids began to feel heavy as she read socialmedia posts and blogging ideas. Sales had held asponsored silence week, a rogue apostrophe on thewebsite had been deleted, and the head of IT had anew theory about Game of Thrones.

Her pen hovered over the sign off form when shesuddenly bellowed, “No! We can do a lot betterthan this.”

Mini Miscommunication shut her laptop lid, andmarched over to the content writers.

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“Listen up people,” she uttered with a new-foundconfidence. “This content simply will not do. Thiscompany has made a real difference to many of ourcustomers recently, and we have lots of customerstories, industry firsts and promotions coming up.This is what we should be talking about. Not whetherCersei Lannister might be John Snow’s auntie.”

As the content writers began busily creating a newplan, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

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Miss Marketing floated in front of MiniMiscommunication on her pretty wings.

“I’m very proud of you,” Miss Marketing purred.“You’ve made some super changes. I think my workhere is done. Well almost…”

Mini Miscommunication looked confused.

Miss Marketing winked at her. “Your name,” shesaid with a smile, “I think it needs a little upgrade.”And with that she whooshed her wings together anddisappeared.

Mini Miscommunication’s eyes darted around theroom before settling on her name tag. ‘MissCommunication’ it read.

Miss Communication loved her new name.

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You’d think that the art of effective communicationwould be easy. All you need to do is agree themessage you want to deliver and identify the peoplewho you want to receive it. So why is it so difficult? 

Maybe it’s the elusive combination of knowing whatyou say, how, when and where you should say it,that’s so critical. Get any one of these wrong and allyour hard work is wasted. 

One thing is for sure, without it great ideas,concepts and products will be a commercial failure.

It takes a lot of experience to put effectivecommunication together, and that’s whereKonductor can help.

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Mr CEO

www.konductor.co.uk

Tel: 0333 200 7089

Established by Kate O’Brien and Katharine McNamara, experienced

business and commercial professionals, Konductor delivers

communications, insight and solutions that mean organisations

thrive. It ensures effective communication is pivotal to its clients’

businesses and is engineered to return real value, demonstrating

results that can be and have been extraordinary.