mmjuly

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MEEKIE

MONTHLY

Issue 6 July 2007

FREE

Itsasmadasa

badger

FREE

SICKNOTETRACK

WITH THIS

ISSUE!!(Youll absolutely go

bonkers about it!)

SUMMERS

HERE!*

* (for all readers in the Northern Hemisphere. For all readers in the Southern Hemisphere, please come back in six months)

INSIDE:

Shiny happy

people, the

beautifulpeople, the

ordinary

people, Village

people,

Common

People, andlots of people

who really

shouldnt be in

here.

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Editors welcome

Well Julys here and for us up

in the Northern Hemisphere, it

means only one thing yes the

nights are drawing in already.

Summers been and gone (it waslast Tuesday afternoon in case

you missed it) and now we can

look forward to crisp autumn

evenings and Christmas.

Brenda, my surgically-enhanced wife has other ideas

though shes out in the garden oiling up her

silicone wabbers; my 16 years old daughter has

taken the opportunity of an empty house to

show the lads from the pub her rack (isnt itgreat to see the youth of today being involved

in such civilised hobbies such as wine-tasting)

and young lad Timmy has set up his own

business pushing hard-core drugs to the kids

on the local estate. Its great to seethe entrepreneurial spirit in my kids.

Have a great July. Editor

RoystonMEEKIEMONTHLYMEEKIEMONTHLYMEEKIEMONTHLYMEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2Page 2Page 2Page 2

meekiemonthly

Contact details:[email protected]

Editor: Royston Butterscotch

Cover girl: Kaylee from Cardiff

Find us at www.meekiemonthly.com andwww.myspace.com/meekiemonthly

Meekie Monthly is a freesubscription-based E-Magazine.

To subscribe, email [email protected]

A small portion of our profit goes to CancerResearch

www.meekiemonthly.com

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ContentsIssue 6 July 2007

In this months Meekie Monthly:

5. Interesting facts about Mr Blair

6. Celebrity Showdown Politician Special

8. The BIG Interview with a real life celebrity!

9. Letters page

13. The Lads Page learn how to moonwalk!

14. Rugby World Cup Preview15. Boys Racers Special

16. Page 16

20. A Flowchart Thing I got confused doing

22. Fok knows

22. Have a look yourself

24. Siop Meekie Monthly

26. Horoscopes

28. Sport

MEEKIEMEEKIEMEEKIEMEEKIEMONTHLY Page 3Page 3Page 3Page 3

IliketowearSpeedosto

workandreadMeekie

Monthlyathome

Terry,Co.Antrim

WRITERS WANTED

Were looking for writers to write for our

hallowed pages. You dont need any experi-

ence just the cheek to think that youd be

good enough. Go on back yourself drop us

a line at [email protected]

Meekie Monthlywishes Big Toe a

lovely retirement

and welcomes

whatsizface to the

office of Prime

Minister for

London

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For our new readers.

(both of them) ..

Whatisamee

kie?


This is a real-life

photo of a meekie

Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found the wholeworld over even in places like Holland

Sigh! Do we really have to go through

this every month?

For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person with

a very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There is

nothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims to

celebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since

1988.

This is a drawing of

a meekie by a well-renowned artist

Proper news likeTapestry Goes West 2007

Friday 10th Sunday 12th August, 2007

Margam Park, Port Talbot, South Wales, SA13 2TH

50 (inc. camping)

Early bird tickets can be bought before the end of

April for 45

After years among the cowboys of Cornwall, last

year Tapestry Goes West went galloping off to

pastures medieval in Wales. And to great acclaim

they did so too! Which is why the festival returns

this year with more of the same...only more so.Taking place in a beautiful deer park near the

golden sands of Porthcawl and the Mumbles

peninsular, Tapestry is set to be a highlight of

the summer festival season.

Margam Park in South Wales is situated at the

heart of the land of the dragon and the legend of

King Arthur and Camelot. This is why its aperfect setting for Tapestrys mix of eclectic

music and medieval-style fun. Musical treats

aplenty come from The Duke Spirit, The Hot

Puppies, Radio Luxembourg, Clientele,

Threatmantics, The Poppies, Dexateens, The

Research and Relands Palomino Company among many

others (full line-up listed below). Medieval

malarkey includes jousting from Europe's premier

team of brave horsemen, The Knights of Arkley, a

medieval village, plenty of mead and spontaneous

bouts of chivalry (anyone who knows me will know

that I consider chivalry to be anything but

medieval, by the way).

Theres also a whole bunch of bands and other

silly, fun summer stuff yet to be confirmed so

check www.tapestrygoeswest.com regularly fordetails.

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1.TonyNevilleSouthallBlairw

asbornonChristmasDay,1954.Orwasit1952?Can't

remembernow.

2.TonyBlairwenttoaverypos

hschoolwhichmeantthathe

wasabletotalkposhattheageof1.Attheageofeigh

t,

hecouldbalanceaspoonon

theendofhisnoseandatthe

agehis13,hisballsdroppedq

uite spectacularly.

3.Tony'sparentswerebothtra

pezeartistsinacircus..Their

stagenamewas"BlairandBla

irette".Their

doubleactwascutshortafter

MrsBlairfelloffandlandedo

nanelephantwhowaswaiting

tocomeonandrunaround

incircles.4.Attheageof

17,Tonywassentofftoboardingschool.Tony

becameHeadBoyandwenton

tobecomegainoneO

LevelinCookery.

5.TonydecidedtobecomePri

meMinisteroftheUKin1978

afterhisjobatPeacockswenttitsup.Tonywas

caught

stealingapairofcaramelcolo

uredmen'sbriefs.Heisfamou

slyquotedforshouting"When

IbecomePrimeMinister,

I'llseetoitthatyouallgetsa

cked"ashewasescortedofft

hepremisesbysecurity.

6.In1982,TonybecameanMP

foranunclassifiedisland60m

ilesnorthoffthecoastofScot

land.His

constituentsincludeds

omestormpetrelsandapuffin

calledAndy.

7.TheunexpectedsackingofanMPinCambridgeshi

rein1989openeduptheoppo

rtunityforTonytomakehism

ark

inEngland.Heenteredthecon

test,andbecameMPforSedgefield.

8.In1996,PrimeMinisterJohn

Majorleftofficeafterthepres

sfoundhimsittingonEdwina"EggScare"

Currie'sfaceataCabinetmee

ting.

9.TonyBlairwaspartoftheo

neofthefirstrealityshowsto

hittheUK.Heenteredthe"R

acetoBecomePrime

Minister"andvotersinstalled

himasthevictor.Tonysaidat

thetime"Good.NowIcanget

myrevengeonthosebas-

tardsatPeacocks"

10.Tonyhashadanupanddowntimeinoffic

eoverthe10years.Itseemst

hatmostpeoplearegladtose

etheback

ofhim,butinrealitytheyalllo

vehimreally.AbitlikeJadeGoody,butlessr

acistmaybe.

11.TonystepsdownasPMon

June27.Hewillretiretohisn

ewvillaboughtforhimbythenewPrimeMin

isterin

waiting,John"TwoJabs"Pres

cott.

101 things you never knew

about Big Toe(the outgoing King of the United Kingdom

and its outlying territories)

You either love him or loathe him. But did you know that:

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V

Looks:Daveschildis

hgoodlooksdisappe

arwhenyou

standwithin70feetofh

im

8/10

ComicTalent:Dave

sattemptstotakeonPaxmanatan

interviewweremosta

musing10/10

Hair:Notbadforam

anofhisage,butDa

vesstylistusedto

workasaRedcoata

tButlins,Minehead.

9/10

Height:Daveisaprincely67.S

omecriticspointoutt

hat

thisistootallforaP

rimeMinister,asthedoortoNumbe

r10

isonly4fttall.Actual

ly,Imadethatbitup

9/10

Total:36/40

Its a draw! Hoorah!

Looks:Gordonsjust-got-out-of-bedlookdrivesthewomenoftheUKwildwithlust.

9/10ComicTalent:GordonsimpressionsofTommyCooper

hastheLabourPartyConferenceinstitches

9/10Hair:Brownsbarnethaswithstoodthetestoftime.Butwillitlastinhisnewjob?

10/10Height:Gordonsportlyshapemakeshimtheideal

candidateforthenewstarofWeebles-theMovie. 8/10Total:

36/40


Politician Showdown

G-ManDav

e

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M

eekie

Mon

thly

FreeGive

away!

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This month s special

guest is Mystic

Meg off

and shesdue to open a fete

in Richmond on the 7th July.

Her new book is out now, but its so

mysterious, no-one knows the name of it.

twoooooooooo bin

days during my working

the film Groundhog Day?but I knew what was going to happen at the end

you have for tea last night?Frogs

When you get into a taxi on your own, do you get into the front or the back?Neither

Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day?Yes.

What's your favourite aisle in Kwik Save?I prefer the cereal aisle


Celebrity

CANCELLED

DUETOUN

FORSEE

NCIRCUM

STANCE

S

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Back Issues

Weve got lots of back issues of Meekie Monthlyleft. Weve been doing Meekie Monthly since

1988, but we only launched the electronic

version back in March

2007. We think youll

find that were getting

bigger andbetter every month.

If youve missed out on

the earlier issues, fear

not you can order them, free of charge, from

us. I think were a bittoo good to you, but

then we think that in

this day and age, you

deserve something for

free.

All you need to do is

email us at

[email protected], requesting which

issue you want. Weve got them all from March

onwards. Think they might be worth something

in a few years time. Probably not though.

Bikini Parade

We had loads of entriesfor our Bikini Parade. But

sadly, there are winner

and losers in all aspects

of life, and there can onlybe one winner. This

month, its Meekie

Monthly reader Jonathan

Cox from Swansea!

He hasnt won anythingand Im not even sure

what the rules were but

hes still won anyway!

Well done Mr Cox!

Jonanthan CoxThis is me on the Welsh

island of Magaluf

WINNER

Ive been reading Meekie Monthly now since I dont

know when. My favourite page is the Celebrity

Interview and I hope that one day, Ill be deemed

famous enough to be asked to do it. Until then, Im

going down to Sarthend for a noliday. Safe.

Gordon Brown, Prime Minister

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Get noticed


Even in small business, image is everything

Press releases web page content sales letters newsletters advertisements advertorials brochures feature writing

www.beacon-media.co.uk

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Advertisement

Ginger

Personof the

MonthAwardEvery month, MeekieMonthly celebrates those

wonderful ginger peopleby giving them an award.

Arent we nice?

Name: Ccile CorbelWhy I like being ginger: I like being a redhair because I feel different and because it remindsme my Celtic backgrounds...I'm from Brittany inFrance (Celtic region at the very west of France with

beautiful landscapes like Ireland)

Ccile will be playing in Wales at theRainbow Spirit Enlightenment Fayreon the 9th, 10 and 11th August(www.www.rainbowspiritenlightenmentfayre.org.uk)

Her latest album, Songbook 1 is alsoavailable from her website(www.cecile-corbel.com)

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Weinterviewaboy

racer!!

MM:Howfast

canyoudrive?

Boy:Quitefast.

MM:Howbigsyour

exhaust?

Boy:Fokkinuge.

MM:Howloudcany

ouplayyour

shitemusic?

Boy:Veryloud.

MM:Whatcarhave

yougot?

Boy:AVauxhallNov

a.

MM:Thanksforspe

akingtous.

Boy:Safebro.

Balls * Bad Ass Cars * BO * Boobs

Im going down thefokkin offy forsome Lambert &Butler. You wantanything? I coodagot some off mymate down the pubbut Im not old

enough to go inthere. Safe.

TheLadsPage

Step 1. Find a pair of low grip shoes you could try to do it inyour socks to start off with.

Step 2. Make sure that the ground you use to practise tomoonwalk on is also not too grippy, try and find a polishedfloor.

Step 3. Stand with both feet close to each other, left footslightly ahead of the right (toes of right should be in line withhalf the left foot)

Step 4. Now raise the heel of the right foot so that you arestanding on the front of the right foot as if you are taking astep. The left foot must stay where it is (take care not to moveit).

Step 5. As you lower the heel of the right foot, lean all yourweight on the right foot, and drag back the left foot to so thatits toes are in line with the heel of the right foot. The left foot'sheel must be slightly off the ground at this stage. As you drag

back, do not push down on the left foot at all or it will notglide. Make sure as you lower the heel of the right foot(slowly) the left moves at an equal speed. This will need lotsof practice to master the right speed.

Step 6. Keep practicing up to the above steps until you canmake the movement subconsciously without any difficulty.

Step 7. Once you have mastered that, "kick" outwards with

the left foot, but although not quite touching the ground, makeit look as if it is touching. Move it out a foot-size's worth awayfrom the toes of the right. No part of the left foot should beraised higher than another.

Step 8. After you make your left foot move so it is at thestarting position, lift up the heel once more of the right foot.Make sure the left leg is bent at the knee. Now repeat step 5.Keep practicing until you have the whole thing figured out,

and it has been verified by others, and you feel quite comfort-able with it. You should eventually get that gravity-defying

How to MoonWalk

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Rugby World Cup Preview

In a new series,

Meekie Monthly

counts down to the

Rugby World Cup

this

September by

looking at the

various tactics used

by the worldsteams.

Rugby is a complicated game. In a recent study, over 90% of professional

players said that they did not understand most of the rules. Worringly, an

alarming 96% of referees said the same. This month, Meekie Monthly

introduces the front row, and what they should be doing

The Props (No 1 or 3)The Props (No 1 or 3)The Props (No 1 or 3)The Props (No 1 or 3)

There are two props in every team,the tight-head and the loose-head. Intheory, this relates to which side ofthe hooker and they prop him up at

the scrum. Thats all they have to doin the game and the position requiresno running or jumping

Second Row (No 4 & 5)Second Row (No 4 & 5)Second Row (No 4 & 5)Second Row (No 4 & 5)

Sometimes called locks, theseguys jump up for the ball in thelineout. Typically, they are over610 and you can spot themthanks to the bandages they tapearound their ears. This is to pre-vent their ears from being ripped

off when the leave the scrum tooquick to accidentally knock theball on

Hooker (no. 1)Hooker (no. 1)Hooker (no. 1)Hooker (no. 1)

The hooker is the poor blighter who gets stuckright in the middle of a scrum. Hes also sup-posed to throw the ball into the lineout, butdue to constant neck compression in thescrum affecting their hand/eye co-ordination),

most hookers couldnt hit a barn door fromtwo feet away

No.8 (no. 8)No.8 (no. 8)No.8 (no. 8)No.8 (no. 8)

The No. 8 is there tosecure the scrum andto run at people,hopefully trampling allover their opponentsand leaving

studmarks on lots offaces

Hi. My namesVincent and asyou can see, Imdouble -jointed

Gerrof me you animal

id to

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TheMeekieMonth

lyGuideto

BoyRacersWeknowwhatyourethinkingBoyRa

cersthoseimmaturedickheads

who

havenothingbettertodothand

rivelikearseholesintheirshite-lookingcars.

Anddoyouknowwhat?Youdb

eabsolutelyright!

Sowerebringingyouthelowdo

wntheseannoyinglittleshits.

TheDriver

Usuallyagedbetween17-25.Aft

erthisage,mostofthemgrowup andget

themselvesadecentcarandajo

b.Mostscallieshavelow-paidj

obsandhave

noideahowtobudgetmoney.To

financetheirexpensivehobby,t

heyeither

takelargeloansorasktheirpare

ntstofundthem.

TheCar

TheStereo

ICEasitsknown(InCarEnterta

inment)isthemostimportant el

ement

ofthecar.Mostboyracerswillo

wnastereowithaveryfancy(an

d

ultimatelypointless)graphicequ

aliser.Afterseveralmonths,theb

oy

racerswillditchtheirstereoinfavourofa

notherstereowithalarger

graphicequaliserdisplay.

Pedestriansandhomeownersa

likeshouldbeabletohearaboy

racerscarstereofromadistanc

eofoveramile,thanksinpartto

the

sub-woofer

MEEKIE 1

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TheMeekieM

onthlyGuide

to

BoyRace

rsWANK

SHITE1MODS

Shortformodifications,modsa

redesignedto

makethecarslook,handleands

oundbetter.

Unfortunately,asmostboyracers

canonly

engineerupaMcDonaldsburger

withfries,their

attemptstodothecaruponlyresultsinhilarious

results.Herearethemostcommo

n:

EXHAUSTMostofushaveache

appieceofmetal

thattakestheexhaustgasesawa

yfromtheengine

andawayfromthecar.Boyracers

havevery

expensivepiecesofmetalthattakestheexhaust

gasesawayfromtheengineanda

wayfromthecar.

Thisresultsinthecarsoundingm

orelikeatinny

fartratherthanthemonstercarit

ssupposedto

soundlike.Theexhaustmanufact

urersarehavinga

fielddayexploitingtheboyracer

shighdisposable

income.

ALLOYWHEELSTheserangefr

omthecheap20

versions,tothemegaexpensiveo

nesthatget

nickedafterafewdaysonthecar.

BODYKITOhdear.Wheredowe

start?Theseare

mouldedbitsofplasticthatarestuckontothecar

tomakeitlooklikeanothercar.A

bettercarusually.

DUMPVAVLESTheseareth

ehilarioussoundsmadebya

1.1VauxhallNovaastheych

angegear,soundingallthe

worldforsomehugejugger

nautsairbrakes.Someare

simplyspeakersfittedtothe

carthatproduceawhooshin

g

noise.Honest.

WASHERJETNEONSDes

ignedtohighlightthefactthat

theboyracerhas.erm..

washerjets.

UNDERCARNEONSYoum

ayhavespottedtheselight

s

thatappearunderthecarto

giveittheimpressionof

floating.Infact,thesep

rovetheirworthwhentheA

Ais

calledouttotryandfixthecarbytheroadside.

INSURANCEInsurersdesp

iseboyracersjustasmost

of

usdo.Buttheyhaveverygo

odreasontotheyreahigh

risk.Boyracersgetroundth

isproblembynotdeclaring

all

oftheirmodsandeffectivel

yvoidinganyclaimsyouma

y

haveagainstthemiftheyhityou.

Dontyoujustloveem?

i n with a

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Lisa:Imsorry,thereisnoavailabilityinTraveldodgeWem

bleyHotel,buttherearespacesa

vail-

ableinTraveldodgeLondonPark

Royal,whichiszero-point-eightmilesfromyourfirstchoice.

Thereisparkingonsiteatanaddi

tionalcharge.Thetotalcostofthi

sbookingwillbeone-hundred

andsixtyfivepounds,wouldyou

liketobookthis?

Josie:What?

Alys:What?

Josie:Butitsaidtwenty-sixpoundsanightontheweb

site!

Lisa:Imsorry,Ididntcatchthat

.Wouldyouliketobookthisroo

m?

Josie:Ahundredandsixtyfivepo

unds,whichdoesntincludecarpa

rking.

Lisa:Imsorry,Ididntcatchtha

t.Wouldyouliketobookthisroom

?

Alys:Butitsaidtwenty-sixpound

sanight!

Josie:ThatswhatIsaid.

Lisa:Imsorry,Ididntcatchtha

t.Wouldyouliketobookthisroom

?

Josie:Well,doyouwanttobook

it?

Lisa:Imsorry,Ididntcatchthat

.Imhavingtechnicaldifficulties

.Ifyouwishtospeaktoacall

representative,ourlinesareopen

betweeneightamandeightpman

ydayoftheweek. Alterna-

tivelyyoucouldtryourwebsite.Goodbye.

Josie:Ohforfokssake!

Alys: What?

Josie: Shes gone.

Alys: Try again. Try for two nights.

Josie: Ok. 08701911966

Machine: Thank-you for

Josie: One

Machine: Im Lisa. Im the voice of Traveldodge. By speaking to me, youll gain access to

our best rates normally available via our website. Do you know the name of the Travel-

dodge where you want to stay?

Josie: WEMBLEY

Lisa: So youd like to stay in Traveldodge Wembley Hotel. Is that right?

Josie: Yes Tuesday the eighteenth of AprilTwo Yes Two One Non-smoking.

Lisa: Great! So you want to book a non-smoking room at Traveldodge Wembley Hotel, for

two adults and one child, arriving on Tuesday the eighteenth of April to stay for two nights.

Is that right?

Josie: Yes.

Lisa: Great, just a moment while I check availability

Josie: Shes checking availability.

Alys: Fingers crossed.

Lisa: Im sorry, there are no non-smoking rooms available for those dates. But there is a

smoking room available. Would you like to book this room?

Conversationwitha

MachineBy Josie Henley

Inpreviousepisodes:Lastmon

th,JosieHenleywaskeptonthephonein

anail-bitingcliff-hangerasshew

aitedtoseeiftherewasavailabil

ityat

WembleysTraveldodgeHotel.This

week,shetakesherconversationw

ithThe

Machinetoitsunforgettableclima

x

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Josie:Asmokingroom?Al,nonon-smok

ingrooms,shallwehave

a

smokingroom?

Lisa:Imsorry,Ididnt

catchthat.Wouldyou

liketobookthisroom?

Alys:What?Therearen

tanynon-smokingfam

ilyrooms?

Josie:No,probablyitm

eansthatallthenon-sm

okingroomsarealread

y

booked.

Lisa:Imsorry,Ididnt

catchthat.Wouldyouliketobookthisr

oom?

Alys:Goonthen,ifwe

must.

Josie:Yes.

Lisa: Great! So you want to book a smoking room at Traveldodge Wembley Hotel, for two adults

and one child, arriving on Tuesday the eighteenth of April to stay for two nights. Is that right?

Josie: Yes.

Lisa: To start the booking, I will need the surname you would like the booking under. Could you

state and spell your surname now.

Josie: Henley-Einion, H-E-N-L-E-Y-hyphen-E-I-N-I-O-N

Lisa: Im sorry, I didnt catch that.

Josie: I bet you didnt.

Lisa: I need to hear something like Jones, J-O-N-E-S.


Lisa: Im sorry, I didnt catch that. I need to hear something like Jones, J-O-N-E-S.



Josie: HENLEY-EINION, H-E-N-L-E-Y-E-I-N-I-O-N

Alys: Oh thats just typical.

Josie: Too right.


Josie: Yes well if I had a name like Jones, J-O-N-E-S, then maybe my life would be so much eas-

ier.

Alys: What?

Lisa: Im sorry, I didnt catch that. Im having technical difficulties. If you wish to speak to a call

representative, our lines are open between eight am and eight pm any day of the week. Alterna-

tively you could try our website. Goodbye.

If you have been affected by any of the issues in

this story, please call the Samaritans on 08457 909090. Press option 1,then 4, then 2, then hold for 20 minutes before being disconnected


8/14/2019 MMJULY

19/28


Advertise here for

as little as20

per month.

Meekie Monthly is a fast growing E-Magazine

with its roots in South Wales but with a global

readership base. You can be part of this

growing phenomenon by advertis-

ing on our hallowed pages. Just 20

will buy you a full page advert in

glorious technicolour, street cred

and exposure to new clients.

Email [email protected]

You?

How easily confused are you?

8/14/2019 MMJULY

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How easily confused are you?Let Meekie Monthly decide whether youre a ...

Are you easily

confused?Have you ever

stayed up past

10pm?

Jog on. Youre a

waste of timeCan you play the

piano?

Were you

allowed to

drink

Baby-

cham?

Were you allowed

to stay out as long

as you wanted?

yes

no

yes

yes

no

Did you get off

your tits?

yes

Had you eaten a

large meal

before hand?

no

Did you sleep

with someone

you shouldnt

have?yes

Why not?

no

Did you regret it?

Thats what party

animals do.

Congratulations

Are you easily

confused?

START HERE

MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 20

yes

no

yes

yes

noyes

no

no no

noyes

Was it nice?

8/14/2019 MMJULY

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MeekieMonthlysGu

ideto

BarbequesThe GrubThe food is the leastimportant thing to think

about when it comes to

a barbeque. Some

people make the mistake

of worrying too muchabout the food, when in

reality, theyll overlook the food for the drink.

The ClobberJust get one from Argos. Anyone will do. Just get one. Ok?

The BeerThe main event of any barbeque. You simply cannotdrink enough of this at any barbeque. It helps soothe

away those troubles and can help you relax as you

sizzle the sausages. Remember though, that drinking

more than 1 gallon may affect the way that you are

able to converse with your friends. It is a good way

however, of regurgitating your food for later, so that

you dont have to spend so much on burgers etc.

Theres nothing better than a good

old British barbeque is there? But

theyre always best if someone else

is doing the dirty work. If youre

sad loner like I am, then heres

your guide to barbequing.

Remember chums the bigger the

burger, the bigger the barbequeneeds to be. Good luck.

When it comes to being

8/14/2019 MMJULY

22/28


1.Yourbarbequerefusestoligh

tandyourguestsarebecoming

impatientwaitingfortheirburge

rs.Do

you?

a)chuckonagallonofpetroland20packsoffire

lightersbeforeblastingitwithabl

ow-torchtogiveitabitofa

spark?

b)gentlycoaxtheflamestolifeby

usingasensibleproportionoffire

lighters,neatlyarrangedcharcoalsandsome

kindling?

c)bakeyourburgersonebyoneu

singyourmatesZippo?

2.Youreinarushtogoouts

owntheclub,butyouveonlyg

ot5minutestohaveabath,and

towashand

dryyourhair.Doyou?

a)takethehairdryerintothebath

andmulti-tasklikeabastard?

b)jumpintothebath,givingyour

bitsaquickswill,beforejumping

backoutanddryingyourbeautifullocks?

c)cancelyournightout-thingsar

egettingabittoowild.

3.Youvespottedastraycaton

theroofofyourhouse.Doyou

?

a)scalethesideofyourhouselikeHaroldLloyd

would,beforecollectingthecata

ndleapingdownintothe

gardenusingnothingbutasoiled

hankietoslowyourdescent?

b)shootthecatwithanairrifle,jus

tclippingitsearsothatitlosesba

lance,tumblesofftheroofandsafely

intoyourCatCatcherdevicemade

fromanoldquiltandsomestring

?

c) callthefirebrigade?

4.Yourfringeisgettingab

itlongandkeepsgettinginyour

eyes.Doyou?

a)takeachainsawtoit?

b)smootheitdownwithsomeolive

oil?

c)visityourlocalhairsalonwhere

BendyBriancreatesthatjustyo

ulook?

Howhealthandsafety

consciousareyou?

g

careful, are you careful or are

you not very careful.

Let Meekie Monthly decide

with this super quiz

Hi. My names

Derek and Im

MeekieMonthlys

Health and

Safety advisor

20

8/14/2019 MMJULY

23/28

5.Youreonaflight

toSpain.Yourebustingfortheloobu

tsomefatwomansbeenintheshitter

forover20

minutes.Doyou?

a)openthenearestexitandreliev

eyourselfoverFrance?

b)asktheairhostessforaplasticcupwhichyoucanthentipoutofanopenwindo

w.OverFrance.

c)pissyourpants?

6.Youreatyourlocalzoo,andasyoul

eanovertoseethetigers,yourCornett

ofallsintotheenclosure.Doyou?

a)climboverthefence,distractingthetig

erswithanTreborExtraStrongMint,befo

resnatchingtheCornettobefore

neatlyside-steppingtheapproachingfem

aletigerandscalingthefence,backtoyo

urfriends?

b)tellthenearestzoo-keeper?c)buyanewCornett

o?

7.YourFrisbeelandsonanelectricityp

ylon.Doyou

a) climbupandgetit,showingHaroldL

loyd-esquelikequalitiesandignoringthe

varioushazardsignsandthevocal

concernsofyourfriendbelow?

b)pokeitoutwitha30ftmetalpoin

tystick?

c)Callthefirebrigade?

8.Yourbossasksyoutoworkonforan

otherhalfanhour.Doyou?

a)remindhimofthehealthandsafetyimp

licationsofworkinglonghoursbeforeprom

ptlywhippingonyourjacketand

leggingitoutthedoor?

b)remindhimofthehealthandsafetyimp

licationsofworkinglonghoursbeforeprom


leggingitoutthedoor?c)remindhimofthe

healthandsafetyimplicationsofworkinglonghoursbeforeprom


leggingitoutthedoor?

MostlyAs-yourenotveryhealthands

afetyconscious

MostlyBs-youreneitherveryh

ealthandsafetyconsciousornotvery

healthandsafetyconscious

MostlyCs-youreveryhealthandsafetyconscious


8/14/2019 MMJULY

24/28

ADVERTISEMENT

8/14/2019 MMJULY

25/28

THE MAGAZINE FOR MEN IN WALES

www.redhandedmagazine.co.uk

ADVERTISEMENT


s

8/14/2019 MMJULY

26/28

ARIESMar21-Apr20

YoureonyourownthismonthAries.Yourp

artnersgoneonholswiththeirfriends,you

rfamilysdisowned

youeventhedogsoutwalkinghimselfthe

sedays.Thisgivesyoutheidealopportun

itytocatchupon

thoseoddjobsreattachingthatsinkplug

toitschain,tighteningthatscrewonthesa

ucepanhandleand

hoveringunderthatsmalloccasionaltable

inthelivingroom.Thisisthelifeeh?

TAURUS

Apr21-May21Youmoveintoanew

fieldthismonthbutthereseems tobeaproblemwiththerabbitpopulationthe

yre

shaggingallovertheplaceanditdoesnta

ffordyoutheprivacyyoulongfor.FarmerGilessendsinahit

squadoffoxesbut PrincePhilipridesinan

dwipesthemout.Bitofaboringhoroscope

dontyouthink?

GEMINI

May22-Jun22

Thesignofthetwins.Whatarewegoingto

dowithyou?Crackyourheadstogethera

ndtellyoutosortyour

livesout.Marsmovesintoyourfood

partofyourchartthismonth,whichmeans

thatyoullhavelotsof

chocolate.Whichmeanspilingonthepounds.Fat knacker.

CANCER

June23-July23

Plutomovesintoyourhousethismonth an

dbringswithitsomuchtrouble,youwishy

oudnevergotoutof

bed.Forastart,yourhouseburnsdown,y

ourcargetsburnedout,thennicked andal

lyourfamilywillget

hoveredupintothe skybyaliens.Asyoum

aybeawarehowever,Iampreparingtodo

Leoshoroscopeby

puttingyoursdownasm

uchasIcan.Youdounderstandthatdont

you?Good.

LEO

July24-Aug23

ItstoughbeingatthetopeverymonthLeo

,butyourejustthekindof personwhocan

dealwiththepressure.

Ifanyonesgoingto getthroughatoughmo

nth,itsyou.Thatswhyeveryotherstarsig

nwantstobeyou.

VIRGO

Aug24-Sep23

Thatbeardthat youvebeentryingtogrowyoureallyshou

ldgiveitupnow.FormaleVirgos, youll ne

edto

getreadyforaveryboringmonth. Seeyou

nextmonth eh?

HoroscopeswithEnog


s

8/14/2019 MMJULY

27/28

LIBRA

Sept24-Oct23

NotabadmonthforLibran

s,whodespitetheirsketch

youtwardlooks,arenttha

tbadtotalkto.YoullmeetPrince

Charlesinthehairdresser

son17th,sobesuretota

kealongsomepaperandp

entogethisautograph.It

couldbe

worthabitwhenhebecom

esking.Luckydrinkofthe

monthanything.

SCORPIO

Oct24-Nov22

SexyScorpio.Sosexy,thatevenanimalswan

tapieceofyou.Whichis

exactlywhathappensthis

monthImafraidandyou

spendanightinthelocalc

ell.Makesureyouvegotg

rannyonsidetobailyouout.Unluckyc

ownameDaisy.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov23-Dec21

Nothingmuchtoshoutab

outthismonthSagittarius.

Infact,ifIwereyou,I'dw

riteoffJulyandgetstarted

on

Augustamonthearly.

CAPRICORN

Dec22-Jan20

Capricornscanexpectav

ariedmonthinJune.Ther

e'llbesomegooddaysan

dsomebaddays.There'llbe

somedaysinbetweenand

somedaysthataremore

daysthatarebetterthant

hebaddaysandsomeda

ysthat

willbebadderthanthebet

terdays.IknowIsaidthis

lastmonth,butthatswha

tthechartsays.

AQUARIUS

Jan21-Feb19

Thatgoesforyoutoo.

PISCES

Feb20-Mar20

Piscescanexpectalotof

lovethismonthwiththea

rrivalofVenusinyourcha

rt.Itmeansthatyouwillha

vetostart

washingagainandalsob

rushingyourteethwouldn

tbeabadthingeither.Be

carefulnottohurtanyone

sfeelings

thoughmouthw

ashshoulddothetrick


HoroscopeswithEnog

Nextmonth:nextmonthshorosc

opes

8/14/2019 MMJULY

28/28

We did have a very exciting sports story for you

this month, but my dog ate it. If it comes out insome sort of legible form, well send it to you in

the post. Honest.

Sport


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