mmseptember

8/14/2019 MMSeptember

1/32

Welcome to Meekie Monthly. If you have

experienced problems opening this magazine,please visit PC World and get yourself a better

computer.Oh. And theres a large picture of a woman in abikini on the front cover (in case youre at work

and your boss is watching you)

Royston


2/32

MEEKIEMONTHLY Issue 8 September 2007

Its asmad as

abadger!

YourFREEEllen

McElroytrack!

(Were just toodamn good to

you !)

Inside:Lots of Irish people, lots

of non-Irish people,people who are Irish

and have been toIreland, people who arenot Irish but have beento Ireland, people who

are Irish but are notIrish, people who thinktheyre Irish and much,

much more!

WEVE GONE

ALL OIRISH!

Mora na maidine dhuit! (See?)

F R E E !


3/32

Editors welcomeDear Meekie readers

Ah September. For most kids acrossthe world, its back to school and forthe rest of us normal people, its backto traffic jams as we battle our way tothe office. Kids. Who needs them?

But Im very excited this month asits the start of the Rugby World Cup.For all those girls out there, yes I didused to play. Sadly, I had to retire at

the age of 13. Being a pretty boy, I wasthe obvious target for the thugs inthe game. But the sweet smell of testosterone and themanly bonding sessions before the game still livewith me. Were holding several rugby-themed partiesin our large country mansion to coincide with thisyears event. My surgically-enhanced wife Brendahas been busy getting her jugs out for the sangria.Meanwhile, 16 year old Cindy has very kindly invitedthe to allow the local rugby team to pull theirtrain ( I presume theyre arriving by rail) and young

Timmy has been busy setting up his Cokestall once again for those who are driving.

Have a great September! Editor R o y st on

MEEKIEMONTHLYMEEKIEMONTHLYMEEKIEMONTHLYMEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2Page 2Page 2Page 2

meekiemonthlyContact details:

[email protected]

Editor: Royston Butterscotch

Cover girl: Megan Clarke from Belfast

Contributors: Kathryn Allen, James Harris, BenMyers, Richard Yates. Thanks to Deirdre

Find us at www.meekiemonthly.com andwww.myspace.com/meekiemonthly

Meekie Monthly is a freesubscription-based E-Magazine.

To subscribe, email [email protected]

www.meekiemonthly.comWe take your privacy very seriously. Meekie Monthly is a free subscription

based magazine and you can unsubscribe at any time by [email protected] , putting UNSUBSCRIBE in the Subject box. We

won't sell or share your email address with anyone else and we will never ask you for any money. We may occasionally send you an update via this email

address. Meekie Monthly is sent as a pdf file, which opens with Adobe AcrobatReader. You can download this utility for free from www.adobe.com. We cannot

accept responsibility for any consequences relating to Meekie Monthly beingsent to work-based email addresses.


4/32

ContentsIssue 8 September 2007

In this months Meekie Monthly:

5. Interesting facts about ninjas6. Celebrity Showdown Irishpeople battle it out8. The BIG Interview with a

real life celebrity!10. Letters page12. Cover band15. The Lads Page Learn howto flip a bike!17. Boys problems18. The Debating Chamber 22. Are you a Facebook Slut?22. Have a look yourself

26. Your horoscopes28. Sport

I lo ve Me e kie Mon thl y s o

much tha t I a dde d t wo

a dditiona l e ye s s o tha t I ca n

re ad t wo is sue s a t a n y gi ve n

time .

Ru p a , Gla s g o w

The Oo get me, Im sucha Diva Competition

Result!

As you know Meekie Monthly likes to askcelebrities daft questions and in most cases,

they respond in good humour.Last month we had a reply and asked you

readers if you can guess which mega stars

PA sent us this little gem:

***** would not be able to participate in aninterview unless; you could offer a fee for his time,offer him an excusive interview asking more than 1question (therefore giving ***** an opportunity totalk about different things he is up to), publish the

address of his new website currently indevelopment and provide him with proof of print.He certainly wouldnt wish to answer just the one

question you have posed Im afraid. Ive attached a biog of ***** for your interest

Not one reader managed to get it right and so no-one won the 40,000 that was on offer. However,

we can exclusively reveal that the answer is of course, Craig Phillips!.....

No, I dont know who the fok he is either.


5/32

For our new readers.(both of them) ..

W h a t i s a m e e

k i e ?

This is a real-lifephoto of a meekie

Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found thewhole world over even in places likeIreland

Sigh! Do we really have to go throughthis every month?

For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person witha very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There isnothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims tocelebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since1988.

This is a drawing of a meekie by a well-renowned artist

Man Arrested Over Man Arrested Over Man Arrested Over Man Arrested Over

Meekie PrankMeekie PrankMeekie PrankMeekie PrankMeekie Monthly fan TonyFerrari was arrested last nightafter trying to impress judges in afancy dress competition.

The 34 year old from Wem inShropshire turned up in a ginger afro wig, a raincoat and carryinga large car horn. When the judgesasked who he had come as, Tonymimicked comic legend HarpoMarx, who never said a word onscreen.

Judge Norman Boakes toldMeekie Monthly I asked him whohe had come as and unlike all theother contestants, he steadfastlyrefused to tell me his name. I wasoutraged and immediately calledthe police.

Officers arrived at the fancy dress partyto find Tony running around chasing after the young women honking his horn andplaying on his harp.

Ive been deeply disturbed by eventsover the last few hours said Tony fromhis cell, I was only trying to bring a bit of happiness into peoples lives. Tony isdue to be charged with not keeping abreach of the peace.

Nicked: Tony in his ginger wig

Hero: Harpo was a nutter


6/32

MEEKIEMEEKIEMEEKIEMEEKIE MONTHLYPage 5Page 5Page 5Page 5

1 0 1 t h i n g s y o u n e v e r k n e w

a b o u t

N i n j a s [ci ta tions ne e de d ]

1. Nin ja s we re firs t in ven ted in 5 BC b y Je rem y Nin ja , a loc

a l s hop a s s is tan t who

fe l t uns a fe wa lking home from work.

2. He in ven te d a se l f-de fence s ys te m ca lled nin j (la te

r s hor tened to nin ji ts u) which

u tilis e d t wo s ticks on a cha in, which J e rem y ca lled nunchuks , a f te r his dog Bria n.

This a llo we d J e rem y to ba s h would-be a s s a s s ins o ve r the hea

d, a llo wing him a

s a fe pa ss age home .

3. Nin ju ts ium s oon caugh t on though and be fore long e ve r y

one wa s boshing o the r

o ve r the s we de wi th the ir o wn nunchuks . J e rem y ho we ve r, a

l wa ys one s tep

a hea d, then wen t a nd in ven ted thro wing s ta rs a bi t like Chris tmas

de cora tions

made from milk bo t tle tops , e xcep t a bi t more de a dl y. This a llo we d J e rem y to

a s s a s s ina te an y would-be a s sa s s ins wi th nunchuks , who kep

t tr ying to bos h him o ve r the head a s he

ma de his wa y home from work.

4. J e rem y died in in 498 BC a f te r be ing s ho t dead b y a wou

ld-be a s s a s s in. The fad o f nin jas is m a ls o died

wi th him. Tha t was un til a S a mura i re ad an a r ticle abou t J e re

m y in his bag o f chips . The S amura i,

Gordon, the n de cided to s e t up a Craz y Nin ja Gang. Wi thin 7 mon ths , i t ha d t wo m

embers .

5. Nin ji ts u rapidl y s pre ad throughou t the Eas te rn World a f te

r the Craz y Nin ja Ga ng we re fe a ture d on a

popula r da y time T V programme , hos ted b y Es the r Ran tzen.

6. Nin ja is m is no w a popula r pa s time for man y. The re is a ls

o ta lk a bou t nin ja s be ing included in ne x t ye a rs

Ol ympics , a l though cri tics poin t ou t tha t the ir job will be clea ri

ng the s mog b y doing lo ts o f ca r t whe e ls .

This will whoos h the s mog a wa y.

7. The worlds mos t famous nin ja ca nno t b e iden ti fie d for s ecuri t y re a s ons .

8. Ka wa s aki e ven ma de a mo torbike in honour o f nin ja s , a n

d the y ca lled i t a Ka wa s a ki Nin ja .


7/32

V Loo ks : Dan s

c las s ic good loo ks ma ke

h im a true

dream boa t for o lde r lad ie s

8 /10

Com ic Ta le n t: No t pa r t icu la r l y funn y as suc

h a l t houg h he

can do a good impress ion

o f Fran k Bruno 10/10

Ha ir: Dan s ha ir is beau t i fu

l l y qua f fed a l l t he t ime e v

en

w hen he s in t he s ho wer

9 /10

He ig h t: Dan s 4 2 fra

me is made b igger b y use

o f T V mag ic

and ha s a 4 2 s tun t dou b le for tr ic k ie r scene

s 9 /10

To ta l: 36/ 40

Its a draw! Hoorah!

Lo o k s : Mic ha e ls jus t -got -out -of -be d look s is us ua lly c r e a t e d by jus t ge t t ing out of be d

9/ 10 Co m ic T a le n t : Mik e le t s hims e lf dow n on t he c omic f r ont but c a n do a good jig a t pa r t ie s

9/ 10 Ha ir : Mik e s J a me s De a n look s ma k e w ome n w e t a t t he k ne e s

10/ 10 He ig h t : Mik e is a pr inc e ly 7 2 a nd a s s uc h, a llow s him t o

look ov e r 7 f oot w a lls if he s t a nds on his ma gic t oe s 8/ 10

T ot a l: 36 / 40


Celebrity Showdown

M ik e

( t he R iv er dance man) Da n

( t h a t s i n ge r ma n )


8/32


Postie Pickle

Dear Auntie MayI recently caught my husband in bed withour postman. What annoys me most is thatafter the recent strikes, he still has thecheek to charge me a penny for an under-paid item. How can I appeal against thisshabby service?DebbieGlos

Dear Debbie,That husband of yours is incorrigible isnt he?I imagine part of your posties plan is to sendyou off on erroneous journeys to the sortingoffice to collect your letters so he can indulgein a bit of male sorting and delivery. Id think

myself lucky if I were you - my postmancharges me a pound on each underpaid itemso youre getting quite a bargain. You couldcompensate yourself by sorting through hisbag and whipping all the fivers out of thebirthday cards just look for the ones ad-dressed to children with old lady handwritingon the envelopes. Put the money towards thebeaver retreat fund.

Arse Hair Misery

Dear Auntie MayI suffer from a very hairy arse. I've triedeverything - shaving, waxing - even ablowtorch. I'm the laughing stock of theoffice and when I wear my new Pea-cocks trousers, I suffer from the 'velcroeffect'. Please helpFrom SarahLancs

Dear Sarah,The answer to this is very simple - youneed to become a man. I know, soundsodd, but if you ask around the office I thinkyoull find most men have this very problemand nobody is laughing at them. A simpleconsultation followed by several months of slight discomfort will fade into the back-ground once youre back in your Peacocks

slacks, swigging pints and talking in aslightly gruff voice. Just see if Im right.

D e a r

A u n t ie M a y ...

u n t i l n e x t m o n

t h . .

Splashback Worry

Dear Auntie MayMy hubby sat me down last night and saidthat he'd like to introduce watersports tothe bedroom. I'm all for it but don't

realistically see how we're going to get aspeedboat up the stairs. How can I get himto see sense?TraceyDundee

Tracy dear,I see your problem those banisters are anightmare arent they. Never mind, my friendBob will pop round Thursday morning andgive you a quote to give your house the newopen plan look so youll have no problemgetting your aquatic equipment up the stairs.Hell even widen the bedroom door if you putan extra sugar in his tea. If I were you Id get

on Ebay and start bidding on wetsuits beforeyour husband loses interest. Good luck.


9/32

What day is your bin day?My bin day is Wednesday.

Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day?Yes Ive seen Groundhog Day and enjoyed it.

If you get into a taxi alone, do you get into thefront or the back?I always get in the front of a taxi and have a good chawith the driver. They are real gossip queens.

What did you have for tea last night?Last night I had a salad sandwich and 2 jaffa cakes

with a mug of kenco coffee.Have you ever seen the filmGroundhog Day?Yes I have seen groundhog day.

Did you make love last night?Yes I made love last night.

Jim Rock (aka the PinkPanther) is the current IBCMiddleweight title and Irish

Super Middleweightchampion. Rock is a brother of Irish hip-hop artist Ste V

Roc and a cousin of former Irish welterweight championRobbie Murray. Rock is a

former WAAInter-Continental European

Super Middleweight Title, IBCMiddleweight Title, WBF

Continental European LightMiddleweight Title, Irish Light

Middleweight Title and IrisSuper Middleweight Titleholder and current Irish

Middleweight Title holder.currently fights on Brian

Peters promotions which are

broadcast on Irish stationRT and is unbeaten since2003.

Celebrity InterviewOnly Meekie Monthly asks the questions that really matter

In response to readers queries,yes these interviews are genuine.

Jim Rock IBC WorldChampion


10/32

hl


11/32

Bro nkin Bon kin

I like to pla y the game o f R o d e o

whe n I ride m y bo y frie nd. The rule s

a re qui te s imple jus t a s I re a ch m y clima x, I s cre a m ou t the na me o

f

one o f m y e x-lo ve rs . This ca us es

m y bo y frie nd to tr y a nd dis moun t me

bu t I cling on for dea r li fe . S o fa r, m y

be s t time is 2 minu te s , 13 s e conds .

Do a n y o f your re ade rs ha ve be t te r time s tha n this ?

Tina We tc le f t Da rling to n

D e a r M e e k i e M o n t h l y . . . . . . . . Y o u r f a v o u r i t e l e t t e

r s p a g e . . . . c o s w e s a y s o

Loud Foreigners

Ive recently responded to avery tempting offer from abanker in Nigeria. Theyveoffered me $30 million. Wouldsome of your readers like tohelp me decide how to spendit?

Tony Pleb

Maesteg


Ba c k En d o f a Bu s I w a s in w o r k t h e o t h e r d a y w h e n I h a d a n e m a il t h a t w a s do in g t h e r o un d s s e n t t o m y b o x. Im a g in e m y h o r r o r w h e n I o p en e d it a n d s aw MY FA

T ARS E! I h a d o n ly b e e n r id in g p illio n w he n m e a n d m y f e lla p o p p e d d o w n t o K w ik S a v e t o g e t s o m e Alp h a b it e s . Now s o m e P ERV ERT h a s r u in e d m y lif e a s t h is p ic t u r e h a s b e e n s e e n a r o u n d t h e w o r ld .

ANON Lo n d o n

P o in t le s s P o o c h e s

Ca n a ny one e x pla in t o me w ha t t he point of dogs a r e ? All t he y do a ll da y is shit , s nif f t hings ( us ua lly s hit ), e a t s t uf f ( t ha t looks like s hit ) a nd ma ke a lot of ( s hit ) nois e . Is nt it t ime t ha t w e got r id of t he s e s t inking v e r min a nd ge t s ome pr ope r a nima ls int o t his w or ld like koa la s or pa nda s? T e r e n c e T Clu t t e r bu c k Ca lg a r y , Ca n a d a


12/32


Back IssuesWeve got lots of back issues of Meekie

Monthly left in our cupboard. In fact, wevebeen doing Meekie Monthly since 1988, but weonly launched theelectronic version backin March 2007. We

think youll find thatwere getting bigger and better everymonth.

So if youve missed out

on the earlier issues,fear not you canorder them, free of charge, from us. Wethink that in this day andage, you deservesomething for free.

All you need to do is email us [email protected], requesting whichissue you want. Weve got them all from Marchonwards. Think they might be worth somethingin a few years time. Probably not though.

I like to read Meekie Monthly to my fellow Chinesepeople. They like the hilarious stories and thecolourful presentation. However, due to strictCommunist laws, nobody in China can get a copy of Meekie Monthly. So theyd probably like the hilarious

stories and colourful presentation if they could get acopy. Stan, China

DING-DONG-DING-DONG. DING-DONG-DING-DONG. DING-DONG-DING-DONG.

DING-DONG-DING-DONG.

DONG! DONG! DONG!!! Yes, thats right folks. Its 3 oclock and time for Meekie Monthlys splendid monthly competition.

This months prize is very special one of Britainswell-known landmarks Big Ben. Think what youcould do with this large fok-off clock! You could

show your friends around it, sell it to Trevor McDonald or even move it into your own back yard.

Its s cinch to win this rather large and ornate pieceof kit. All you need to do is send us 40,000

(cash only sorry) to the usual address.

The person who sends it in the quickest will win.

Competition

Time! W I N B I G

B E N ! Only Meekie Monthly

brings you best inlandmark prizes

STOP PRESS: DUE TO NEW TERRORISM LAWS, WE AREUNABLE TO BRING YOU BIG BEN AS THIS MONTHS PRIZE. WE

CAN OFFER READERS A CARRIAGE CLOCK THOUGH


13/32

Get noticed


Even in small business, image is everything

Press releases web page content sales letters newsletters advertisements advertorials brochures feature writing

www.beacon-media.co.uk


14/32


Ginger

Personof theMonthAward

Every month, MeekieMonthly celebrates

beautiful ginger people by giving them

an award. Arent wenice?

Name: Carrie Grant (the famous one) Hometown: In my living room, London Why I love being ginger: Because I justlove red and it looks like a scene from

Psycho when I have a shower.

Ellen McElroy Dublin-born Ellen McElroy has beenperforming since the age of nine. Studyingin Dublin at the Irish Academy of Musicand at the Leinster School of Music shehas honed her craft performing worldwidein countless professional roles. Highlightsof her career include leading roles in suchmusicals as The Hot Mikado, The SoundOf Music, The Rocky Horror Show, JesusChrist Superstar and West Side Story.She has also shared the stage with suchnotables as John Barrowman and DavidKernan in Aspects Of Love. She made her London debut starring in The CuchulainnCycle opposite Hazel O'Conner. Ellen hasreceived critical acclaim in severalproductions including: Side By Side bySondheim and the new musical review ,Simply Sondheim, commissioned by Op-era Fringe, Northern Ireland, and

recorded by the BBC. Ellen has toured the world with the Concordia TheatreCompany on board the QE2. Working with veteran musical director, David Wrayshe is currently a member of Music Theatre Ireland which recently completed asuccessful nationwide tour with A New York Songbook. She has also receivedcritical acclaim for her role in the recent smash hit comedy The Full Monty"staged at the Olympia Theatre and National Tour. Ellen has just completed asold out US tour with the Three Irish Tenors for the fourth year running and willbe embarking on a further tour in February 07 with her fellow Irish Divas as theylaunch their new show stateside. Ellens dream of completing her first solo al-bum came true earlier this year as she worked on Love's Illusions with producer David Wray and co-producer Mark Mc Cabe. On completion of her U.S. tour Ellen will be launching at the Sugar Club in April 07and national tour. Descibedby The Boston Globe as "Irresistable, with a sparkling personality" and by theTimes as "Induced me in an inchoate wish to ask if they sang requests" and"Excellent performance". Find more at http://www.myspace.com/ellenmcelroy

COVER ARTIST- YOURS FOR FREECOURTESY OF MEEKIE MONTHLY

Killi f C


15/32

poncho

cable

Killing for Companygig dates1 Sep 2007 Coopers field: Mardis Gras.Red Dragon Stage7 Sep 2007 THE POINT - XFM presents -South Wales Festival2420 Sep 2007 BARFLY - Moshulu The bass-ment21 Sep 2007 BARFLY - Glasgow22 Sep 2007 TBC - Scotland25 Sep 2007 Barfly - Birmingham29 Sep 2007 Barfly - Liverpool - TicketLine: 0870 90709995 Oct 2007 BARFLY - Cardiff - Ticket Line:0870 90709996 Oct 2007 THE MAGNET - Liverpool

SOUTH WALES GIGS FLYER BOARD

MY LEONARDThursday 27 September

Callaghans, Cardiff

Gerrin there


16/32


W e i n t e r v i e w a nu n

M M : Is i t true tha t you a re

a ll virgins ? N u n : N u n : N u n : N u n : Ye s M M : Do you e ve r go to

fa nc y dre s s pa r tie s dre sse d

a s a norma l pe rs on?

N u n : No M M : Do you e ve r ge t

te mp te d (b y the de vil or o the r s undr y

inca rna te be ings ) to go ou t do wn the

club on a S a turda y nigh t, ge t a bs olu te l y

o f f your ti ts , pick up s ome s a d fe lla a nd

go back a nd s cre w his bra ins ou t?

N u n : No M M : Ca n I ca ll you P e nguin?

N u n : No

M M : Ok. Tha nks P e nguin

Balls * Bad Ass Cars * BO * BoobsT he Lad s Page

How to:

Back Flipa Bike

In a new series, Meekie Monthly teaches you how toimpress the ladies down the local club. This month, we

show you how to flip your bike but pleaseremember that we take no responsibility for you

breaking your neck or injuring amazed bystanders

Gerrin theremy Son

1. In the car park,build yourself aramp from woodand bricks likethis one2. Get on your bikeand drive at it asfast as you can

3. Pull back on the handlebars andkick your daps out as you flip

4. Land like a hero, find the nearestbird, take her home and shag her.


17/32

PRESS is a brand new magazine on DVD an audio/visual feast of new media, new music and multi-media art produced in SouthWales.

Featuring short films, animation, music videos, interviews,coverage of events and news, we're setting out to bring you what a

written review just can't do.

Showcasing the talent thats right here on your doorstep, wellentertain and amuse you free of charge. Available in variousoutlets across the region and available to view on the web, werebringing it together for your viewing pleasure.

With around 40 minutes of mish-mashed quality entertainment inevery issue of the DVD, all we want from you is to press a button..

For more information contact: [email protected]

Just PRESS C O M I N G S O O

N !



18/32

Rugby World Cup

Meekie Monthly proudlysupports Wales during

the Rugby World CupFor rugby chat, Meekie Monthly recommends www.rugbyrebels.com

For rugby videos, Meekie Monthly recommends www.rugbydump.blogspot.comMeekie Monthly also recommends www.walesinunion.com and www.wrucalendar.co.uk

I love playing for Wales

because we get to travel meeta lot of people we would never have met otherwise eg NelsonMandela :-) but that is just oneof the many reason why! Can'tthink of a bad reason why not!:-)

Sonny Parker

Good

LuckWales

I love playing for Wales because..


19/32

MEEKIE MONTHLYWISHES THEIR GOODFRIEND LEWIS A VERY

SPEEDY RECOVERY

YOU CAN DO IT FELLA!


20/32

What do you think


21/32

Is British music the best in the World?

The Debating

Chamber

What do you thinkDebs?

I think youshould

fok up and gohome

Every month we ask a cross section of the population to cast their thoughts on a topical topic. This month weve spoken toseveral high profile people plus a tabloid columnist. Heres what they had to say about the state of British music

Tigertailz

All our favourite

bands are American.What does that tellyou?

(James Frost)

British music is good,definitely producedsome of the best bandsin the world, but I dontthink I could say itsbetter than Americanmusic. But then Icouldnt say American music was better than Brit-

ish music. Stupid question really.

The AutomaticThe tabloid columnist

ClintonHandshandi

No it is not

Does anyone else recall the scene I believe atGlastonbury where teen pop sensations Daphne andCeleste were pelted on stage with various beveragevessels, items of food, coins and other miscellaneousitems, whilst trying to perform Ooh stick you, your mother

too (and your daddy) ? I do, and I recall it was bothextremely worrying and satisfying at the same time. Thetrouble with the patrons of Britain, is that they build upsuch nonsensical acts, and then proceed to publiclyhumiliate and destroy them at every next opportunity.

Personally, I prefer to serenade my fillies with soothingBalearic rhythms conjuring up romantic images of sun-sets over idyllic beaches, prior to lengthy dirty protests

rather than hit them with the ramblings of, for example, twoobnoxious BritRock c*nts from Manchester.

Glastonbury, by the way, is the most disappointing of mudbaths Ive ever attended.

Alabama 3

No

Shaped by Fate

How many wordswould you like thatanswered in?


22/32


23/32


24/32


Advertise here foras little as

50

per month.Meekie Monthly is a fast growing

E-Magazine with its roots in South Walesbut with a global readership base. You can be

part of this growing phenomenon byadvertising on our hallowed pages.

Just 50 will buy you a full page advertin glorious technicolour, street cred

and exposure to new clients.Email [email protected]

Y o u ?

Are you a Facebook slut?


25/32

Are you a Facebook slut?Let Meekie Monthly decide whether youre a Facebook slut

Are you onFacebook?

Do you add friendsno matter who they

are?

You are not a

Facebook slut

Do you havemore important

things to do?

Are youaddingevery

application

going?

Are you checkingyou profile every

few minutes?

yes

no

yes

no

yes

Do you even addthe vampires andwerewolf thing?

yes

Have you got aSuperwall?

no

Have you addedthe Pacman

application?yes

Have you

been looking upold flames? no

Do you have anaquarium?

You are a

Facebook slut

Be careful. Youcould end up aFacebook slut

START HERE

MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 24

yes

no

yes

yes

no

yes

no

no no

noyes

Phew

t h y a r eDo you care about the Earth or


26/32

1. You r be s t frie nd

co n fid e s in yo u th a t th e yre h a vin g a n a

f fa ir. The p rob le m is tha t

yo u a re a ls o go o d ma te s w i th th e ir pa r tn

e r. Do yo u :

a ) Cros s your he a r t and promis e to kee p

your gob s hu t?

b ) Ca ll the S un ne ws pa pe r a nd s e ll the s tor y f to the m

or 3 million?

c ) Vis i t the ir pa r tner when the yre a lone , s i t ting the m do wn a nd bre aki

ng the dis tre s s ing ne ws , be fore com for ting

the m

wi th a fe w bo t tle s o f Blue Nun a nd s ome lo v

ing ( to ma ke things all s qua re in the re la tionship)?

2. You o pe n up the W or k out w it h J ad e G

ood y v id eo tha t yo u ve le n t fro m a fa t fri

end to find th a t th e y ve go ne

a n d le f t th e ir h om e ma de p o rn m o vie in th

e re . Do yo u :

a ) Discre e tl y re turn the vide o to the

ir colle c tion a nd ke ep your gob s hu t?

b) Ca ll the S un ne ws pa pe r a nd s e ll the s tor y to the m for 3 million?

c) Cop y the vide o to your P C, s e t up a we b

s i te a nd be come a Hugh He f fne r wa nna be ?

3. You r b e s t frie n d as ks yo u to g e t th e m

s om e m one y w he n you pop do w n th e l

o c a l o f f y t o g e t s ome La m be r t

a n d Bu t le r. Th e y le nd you the ir c a s h c a r

d a nd p in . Do you ?

a ) Re turn the ca rd, wi th the cas h a nd a v

a t rece ip t?

b ) Ca ll the S un ne ws pa pe r a nd se ll the s tor y to the m

for 3 million?

c ) Dra in the accoun t o f a ll a va ilable funds be fore bu ying a ticke t to th

e ne a res t e xo tic loca tion (in this cas e Lu ton

due

to re s tric te d funds ) be fore s e t ting up a mul t

i-na tiona l conglome ra te?

4. Your s a t in yo u r ma na g e rs o f fic e a nd

a s the y po p o u t to gra b a c o f fe e , yo u n o

t ice tha t ne x t m on ths bo nu s

figu re s a re on the ir de s k. Do yo u?

a ) S i t tigh t a nd a wa i t the ir a rri va l

ba ck?

b ) Ca ll the S un ne ws pa pe r a nd s e ll the s tor y to the m for 3 million?

c ) Tre a t yours e l f to a 4 ,000 pa y ris e , a n

d s hre dding the bonus s he e ts for tha t tha t s tupid bi tch who dobbe d y

ou in tha t

time tha t you we re nicking milk from the frid

ge in the s ta f froom?

H o w t r u s t w o r t h y a r e

y o u ? do you just going arounddoing what you want? Let

Meekie Monthly answer thatfor you


T R U S T WO R T H Y

A R E Y O U ?


27/32

5. Yo u find o u t tha t the loc a l v ic a r ha s re c e n t l y b e

e n b u ying b e e r from a loca l

s h o p . Do yo u ?

a ) Turn a blind e ye to his ob vious e vil addic tion?

b) Ca ll the S un ne ws pape r and se ll the s tor y to them

for 3 million?

c) Hand ou t a ne ws le t te r a t the loca l church fe te , na

ming and s haming the drunka rd?

6. You r pa r tn e r le a ve s th e ir m ob ile p ho ne l ying

a ro un d . Do you ?

a ) Ca ll them to te ll them tha t the y ve le f t i t l ying a round?

b ) Call the S un ne ws pape r and se ll the s tor y to them for 3 million?

c ) S noop through a ll the ir mess ages to tr y and crea t

e s ome s or t o f s tor y a bou t them

ha ving an a f fa ir?

7. You find 3000 in c a s h in a n en ve lo pe o n th e bu

s h om e . Do yo u?

a ) Hand i t in to the nea re s t police s ta tio

n?

b) Ca ll the S un ne wspa pe r a nd s e ll the s tor y to them for 3million?

c) J ump o f f the bus and head to the nea re s t o f f-licens

e to pick up s ome Oran jeboom.

8. Yo ure w o rkin g fo r the S un ne w s pa p e r w he n yo

u ge t a c a ll from s om e one w ho s e frie nd is ha vin g

a n a f fa ir. Do

yo u ? a ) Run a s tor y abou t the

lo ve ra t, including ve r y grain y pics o f them a t i t in s om

e kind o f dodg y ho te l room?

b) Run a s tor y abou t the lo ve ra t, including ve r y gra in y pics o f th

em a t i t in s ome kind o f dodg y ho te l room?

c) Run a s tor y abou t the lo ve ra t, including ve r y gra in y pics o f them a t i t in s ome kind

o f dodg y ho te l room?

Mo s t l y As yo u re q u i te tru s t w or th y

Mos t l y Bs yo u re n e i ther q u i te t ru s t w or th y o r no t

q u i te t ru s t w or th y

Mo s t l y Cs yo ure no t q u i te t rus t w or th y

NEXT MONTH: Would you bang your next door neighbour?

H O W T R U S T W

ADVERTISEMENT


28/32

THE MAGAZINE FOR MEN IN WALES

www.redhandedmagazine.co.uk



29/32

s


30/32

ARIES Ma r 21 - Ap r 20 I t's be en a s trange mon th fo

r you Arie s , wha t wi th you ha ving tha t s e x change and a

ll. You're s ta r ting to

ha ve s econd though ts no w though are n' t you? Your ca ll

to the hospi ta l to s ee i f the y' ve s till go t a ll the bi ts in

a ja r upse ts you whe n the y te ll you tha t the y' ve gone to

the loca l ke ba b shop. S eems like you're s tuck wi th i t

I'm a fra id.

TAURUS Ap r 21 - Ma y 21 Bo vine folk a cros s the world

nee d to be wa r y this mon th, wha t wi th the ne w ou tbrea

k o f foo t a nd mou th

dis ea se . Don' t go sharing troughs or a n y thing da f t like

tha t and ca re ful a bou t where you le a ve your 'pa ts '.

S te e r clea r too o f an y trucks turning up a t your fa rm wi th

the word Aba t toir on the s ide

GEMINI

Ma y 22 - Ju n 22

There ha ve be en ma n y fa mous t wins throughou t his tor y- the Cheek y Girls , Arnold S wan

a nd Da nn y De Vi to,

plus o f course Laure l a nd Ha rd y. This mon th i t's your tu

rn to hi t the he adline s - un for tuna te l y, i t's for a ll the

wrong re asons . Fle ecing the Socia l Se curi t y o f 15 4,00

0 is no t the wa y to bu y yourse l f a holida y villa in

Te neri fe .

CANCER J un e 23 - J u l y 23

Cance rians ca n e xpe c t a torrid mon th this S ep tembe r. E

ve r y thing you turn your ha nd to goes spec tacula rl y

wrong. Tha t Sunda y School ba rbeque pu ts 17 kids in to hospi ta l a f te r you ac

ciden ta ll y ou t wi th a bucke t o f

me ths ins tea d o f wa te r. And whe n you de cide to pa y the in jured kids a vis i t a t the hospi ta l, you lea

ve the

handbrake o f your ca r a nd i t rolls in to the ward, running

o ve r the pa ren ts . Oh dea r.

LEO J u l y 24 - Au g 23 Migh t Le o. Proud. Noble . P

ris tine . All the o ther s igns o f the zodiac look up to you, a

nd s ecre tl y, the y rea d

your horoscope , pre tending tha t i t a pplie s to them. Did you kn

o w tha t 87% o f people in the world ha ve trie d to

a l te r the ir bir th ce r ti fica te s to turn them in to a Leo? Take i t a s a complimen t, you gre

a t big supers tar you.

H o ro sco p e s w i t h En o g


More stars on the next page

s


31/32

VIRGO Au g 2 4 - Sep 23

I t 's ra ther poin tles s me doing you

a reading a f ter tha t one . I t 's ne ve

r going to compare to Leo 's is i t ? Bless .

LIBRA S ep t 2 4 - Oc t 23

You decide on a ne w caree r this

mon th Libra , this mon th en te ring

the world o f medicine in a bla ze o

f glor y. Un for tu-

na te l y ho we ve r, a s you 'd bee

n a t tending Cancer 's ba rbeque, yo

u a rri ve a t the hospi ta l li te rall y in a

bla ze o f glor y. Your

firs t vis i t to the hospi ta l is no t the one you we re wan ting.

SCORP IO Oc t 2 4 - No v 2 2

Super se x y Scorpio. So se x y, you

'd make a cream cracker we t. You

need to be care ful o f your se xua

li t y Scor-

pio. You don ' t seem to full y unde r

s tand tha t i t 's dri ving those a roun

d to the poin t where the y need to

frequen tl y

pop to the john to collec t their thou

gh ts . And crack one o f f the wris t.

S AGI T TARIUS No v 23 - Dec 21

Ano the r drear y mon th for Saggies .

Bu t i t 's a ll no t doom and gloom- Leo 's reading is supe rb

this mon th.

CAPRICORN

Dec 2 2 - J an 20

You 're s tar ting to plan Chris tmas

earl y this mon th Capricorn. You p

u t up a ll your decora tions , deck yo

ur tree ou t wi th be lls

and holl y and s lap on your fes ti ve

"Carols wi th Lad y Tha tcher " LP o

n. And then you s i t and wai t b y th

e fire for the ne x t four

mon ths .

AQUARIUS

J an 21 - Fe b 1 9

Hands up i f you kno w who wro te t

ha t goddam-a w ful song " The Age

o f Aquarius " ? Ans wers on a pos tc

a rd plea se .

PISCES

Feb 20 - Mar 20 Do you kno w wh

a t ? I fee l pre t t y sorr y for Pisce s as I can ne ver be a rsed

to wri te an y thing for them as the y

're a l wa ys la s t on

m y lis t. And I 'm a fra id i t 's the sam

e this mon th too. Same time ne x t mon th P isces ?


H o ro sco p e s w i t h En o g

N e x t m o n t h : n e x t m o n t h s h o r o s c o p e s


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Due to a printing error, we are unable to printanything on this page to do with sport. We

apologise for not being able to bring you thesport, and hope to bring you some football newsnext month for the boys, and some show-jumping

news for the girls

Sport


mmseptember

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