Module Five: Listening

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Please do the following:

o List the three best listeners you know.o Do you dislike any of the three people you listed?

List three of the worst listeners you know Do you like any of these three people?

List five characteristics each of the best and worst listeners you know

Friendly, warm, open, empathetic, honest, sincere Closed, impatient, nervous, angry, unwilling to share

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Interpersonal Listening

In interpersonal communication,

listening is the activity to which we devote most of our time

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The Stages of Listening

Hearing/Receiving

Understanding

Remembering

Evaluating

Responding

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Stage One: Hearing/Receiving

Focus your attention on the speaker, not on what you’ll say next

Focus your attention on the speaker’s verbal and nonverbal messages

Avoid distractions in the environment

Maintain your role as listener4-5

Stage Two: Understanding

Relate the speaker’s new information to what you already know

See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view

Ask questions for clarification

Rephrase the speaker’s ideas to check on your understanding of the speaker’s thoughts and feelings4-6

Stage Three: Remembering

Identify the central ideas and the major support advanced

Summarize the important points of the message

Repeat names and key concepts to yourself

If this is a formal talk, identify and visualize the organizational structure of the information

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Are You Listening?Are You Remembering?

50%

now

25%In 24 hrs

12.5%In 7 days4-8

Write down all the words you remember

There are twelve words – how many did you remember?

Word List page 95

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Remember:

Repeat an important idea or piece of information after you hear it; say it out loud if you can

Associate a word, phrase, or idea with something that describes it

Visualize a word, phrase, or idea

Use mnemonics; a memory aid that is based on something simple like a pattern or rhyme (acronyms, poems, etc.)

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Stage Four: EvaluatingResist evaluation until you fully understand

the speaker’s point of view

Assume the speaker’s goodwill; ask for clarification on points to which you object

Distinguish facts from inferences, opinions, and personal interpretation by the speaker

Identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that may lead the speaker to slant information unfairly

USE YOUR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS4-11

Stage Five: Responding

Be supportive of the speaker by using varied backchanneling cues (I see, yes, uh-huh)

Express support for the speaker in your final responses

Own your own responses; state your thoughts and feelings as your own, using I-messages

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Responding Styles

1) Judgmental/Evaluative

2) Advice

3) Questions

4) Supportive

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Listening to Respond

Respond verbally and non verbally

Paraphrase: the ability to restate what people say in a way that indicates you understand themWhen you paraphrase, you go beyond the

words you hear so that you understand the feelings and underlying meaning that accompany the words.

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Your Turn!

Complete “Test Yourself” on page 97

What do you do when you do your BEST listening?

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Listening Strategies and Skills

Most people talk at about 125 – 150 words/minute

Most people think 3 – 4 times faster than that

Thought speed – the speed at which most people can think compared with the speed at which they can speak

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Poor listeners daydream, talk, notes, plan response…

Conscientious listeners use their extra thought speed to enhance all types of listening by:

Ensuring they HEAR what someone says

Determining the MEANING of a message

Identifying and summarizing KEY IDEAS

REMEMBERING what someone says

EMPATHIZING with a person’s expressed FEELINGS

ANALYZING and EVALUATING arguments

Determining the most appropriate way to RESPOND to what they hear

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Listening Strategies and Skills

Feedback

Provide appropriate feedback – verbal and nonverbal

Listen before you speak

make sure you understand the speaker’s message before reacting, either positively or negatively (bring your emotions under control)

Listen before you Leap!!!4-18

Take Notes That Matter

We listen at about 25% efficiency

Take notes of important facts and big ideas

remember they do not include the nonverbal cues

Effective listeners adjust their note taking to the content, style, and organization pattern of a speaker - adaptability

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Listening and Culture

Culture impacts our listening:

Language and speech: no one speaks exactly the same – different meanings/different experiences

Direct and indirect styles – say what you mean/polite not literal truth

Nonverbal differences – display rules Feedback – direct, honest/positive

rather than truthful4-20

Listening and Gender

Men as listeners:

• Desire respect

• Display expertise

• Prefer more factual topics

• Give fewer listening cues

• Make less eye contact

• Listen less to women than women do to men

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Listening and Gender(continued)

Women as listeners:• Desire to be liked• Express interest• Rarely interrupt• Give many listening cues• Make more eye contact• Listen more to men than men do to

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The Purposes of Listening: The Same As the Purposes of Communication

Relate

Learn

Influence

Help

Play

Please read the “Skills Toolbox” on page 994-23

Difficult Listeners

Static listener – no feedbackMonotonous feedback giver – same

response…Overly expressive listener – react to allEye avoider – looks everywhere but at youPreoccupied listener – listens to other

things at same timeThought-completing listener – finishes

your thought/sentences4-24

Listening Dimensions

Empathic vs. Objective

Non-judgmental vs. Critical: watch your biases

Surface vs. Depth: literal or deeper

Active vs. Inactive: you understand all message – verbal, non verbal, content, feelings

READ pgs. 100 -102

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Purposes of Active Listening

Show you are listening

Check understanding

Express acceptance

Explore feelings and thoughts

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Techniques for Active Listening

Paraphrase the speaker’s thoughts

Express understanding of the speaker’s feelings

Ask questions

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In Your Teams

Complete the following:1. A kindergarten teacher has told your five year

old cousin that she or he will win a prize if she or he can be a good listener for one week. What would you teach your cousin to help her or him win the prize?

2. Compare and contrast the communicative behaviour of a person you go to when you need to vent and a person you avoid when you need to vent

3. How do you listen differently when you are listening for understanding versus when you are listening for pleasure?

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And then….

Complete Assignment 5.2 on Page 110

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Please bring your laptops to next classWe will be working on

www.alis.alberta.ca/worksearch

Developing your personal mission statement

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