Module Ten: ConflictModule Ten: Conflict

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ConflictConflict

A disagreement between or A disagreement between or among connected individualsamong connected individuals Each person’s position affects Each person’s position affects the other the other personperson Positions are to some degree Positions are to some degree interrelated and incompatibleinterrelated and incompatible

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The Nature of ConflictThe Nature of Conflict

Conflict is NaturalAll relationships experience conflict

Conflict Can Be BeneficialConflict is unavoidable but when managed well, has personal and relationship benefits

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Two Kinds of ConflictTwo Kinds of Conflict

Content: centres on objects, events, and persons external to the parties involved

- What to watch on TV- How to spend savings- Whom to invite over

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Two Kinds of ConflictTwo Kinds of Conflict(continued)(continued)

Relationship: concerned with the relationship between individuals

-Who is in charge-How equal is the relationship-Who has the right to set rules of behaviour

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Online ConflictOnline Conflict

Junk mailSpammingFlamingTrolling

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Principles of Interpersonal Principles of Interpersonal ConflictConflict

Conflict is inevitable—you cannot avoid it.Interpersonal conflict can occur in

computer-mediated communication as well as in face-to-face interaction.

Conflict can have positive as well as negative effects.

Conflict is heavily influenced by gender and culture.

The style of conflict you use will have significant effects on your relationship.

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Negative Aspects of Negative Aspects of ConflictConflict

Increased negative regard for the opponent

Depletion of energyIsolation from othersIncreased costs; decreased

rewards

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Positive Aspects of ConflictPositive Aspects of Conflict

Forces examination of a problemMoves toward potential solutionsEnables individuals to state desires—and get them

Prevents hostilities from festering

Increases understanding and meeting each other’s needs

Says relationship is worth the effort

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Conflicts and CultureConflicts and Culture

In collectivist cultures conflicts are more likely to centre on violating collective or group norms and values

In individualistic cultures conflicts are more likely to occur when individual norms are violated

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Variables in Conflict Variables in Conflict StylesStylesCulture

Factors to Consider:• Cultural Styles Vary

• Individualism/

Collectivism

• Ethnic Factors

• Biological Factors

• Self-Concept 23

Conflicts and GenderConflicts and Gender

Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than women

Men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict than women

Women want to get closer to the conflict; want to talk about it, resolve it

Women tend to be more emotional, men more logical

Ha ha…these are stereotypes – no real difference

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Variables in Conflict Variables in Conflict StylesStylesGender

Factors to Consider:

• Different “Approaches” to

Conflict

• Use Different Forms of

Aggression

• Power vs. Relational Issues

• Stereotypes 22

Conflict StylesConflict Styles

Competing: I win, you lose

Avoiding: I lose, you lose

Accommodating: I lose, you win

Compromising: I win and lose, you win and lose

Collaborating: I win, you win

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The Nature of The Nature of ConflictConflict

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Avoiding (lose–lose)

Accommodating(lose–win)

Competing (win–lose)

Compromising(partial lose–lose)

Collaborating(win–win)

When theissue is of littleimportance

When you discover youare wrong

When there is not enough time to seek a win–win outcome

To achieve quick,temporary solutions to complex problems

When the issue istoo important for acompromise

When the costsof confrontationoutweigh thebenefits

When the issue is more important to the other person than it is to you

When the issueis not importantenough to negotiateat length

When opponents are strongly committed to mutually exclusivegoals

When a long-termrelationship betweenyou and the otherperson is important

Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict Style

Adapted from W. W. Wilmot & J. L. Hocker (2010). Interpersonal Conflict, 8th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill.

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(Continued)Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict

Avoiding (lose–lose)

Accommodating(lose–win)

Competing (win–lose)

Compromising(partial lose–lose)

Collaborating(win–win)

To cool downand gainperspective

When the long-termcost of winning isn’tworth the short-termgain

When the otherperson is not willingto cooperate

When the issuesare moderatelyimportant butnot enough for astalemate

To merge insights withsomeone who has adifferent perspective onthe problem

To build up credits forlater conflicts

When you areconvinced that yourposition is right andnecessary

As a backup modewhen collaborationdoesn’t work

To develop arelationship by showingcommitment to theconcerns of both parties

To let others learnby making their ownmistakes

To protect yourselfagainst a personwho takes advantageof noncompetitivepeople

To come up withcreative and uniquesolutions to problems

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What To Do

1. State ownership of problem2. Describe conflict in terms of the behavior,

consequences, and your feelings about it3. Avoid letting the other person change the

subject4. Phrase your solution to focus on common

ground5. Think what you will say first; be brief and

precise6. Disengage

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How To Do ItHow To Do It

• Listen to nonverbal and verbal cues • Respond empathically: genuine

interest/concern• Paraphrase problem; ask questions to

clarify• Seek common ground • Ask the other person to suggest

alternatives

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Resolving Conflicts Resolving Conflicts Through Through CollaborationCollaboration

Initiating conflict appropriately

◦ Think through what you will say before you confront the other person, so that your request will be brief and precise

◦ State ownership of the apparent problem◦ Describe the potential conflict in terms of

the behavior you observe, the consequences, and your feelings about it

◦ Avoid letting the other person change the subject

◦ Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground

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Collaboration: Responding Collaboration: Responding to Conflict Effectivelyto Conflict Effectively

◦Disengage emotionally◦Listen to nonverbal cues as well as to the verbal message

◦Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern

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◦Paraphrase your understanding of the problem and ask questions to clarify issues

◦Seek common ground by finding some aspect of the complaint to agree with

◦Ask the person to suggest alternatives

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Before the ConflictBefore the Conflict

Try to fight in privateBe ready to deal with the conflict

at handKnow what you’re fighting aboutFight about problems that can be

solved

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A Model of Conflict ResolutionA Model of Conflict Resolution

1. Define the conflict:◦ Define both content and relationship

issues ◦ Use specific terms◦ Empathize◦ Avoid mind reading

2. Examine possible solutions:◦ Look for win–win solutions ◦ Weigh the costs and rewards of solutions ◦ Seek solutions in which both share the

costs and rewards

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A Model of Conflict Resolution A Model of Conflict Resolution

(continued(continued))

3. Test a solution:◦ Test mentally: how does it feel now? ◦ How comfortable is it? ◦ Test in actual practice: How does it

work?

4. Evaluate the solution:◦ Did it resolve the conflict? ◦ Is the situation better? ◦ Is the solution worth the costs

for each? ◦ Are rewards about even?

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A Model of Conflict Resolution A Model of Conflict Resolution (continued)(continued)

5. Accept or reject the solution:◦ If you accept, put it into operation! ◦ If you reject, test another solution or

redefine the conflict

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After the ConflictAfter the Conflict

Learn from the conflict and the process you used in trying to resolve it

Keep the conflict in perspective

Attack your negative feelings

Increase the exchange of rewards and cherishing behaviours

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Test YourselfTest Yourself

Complete the test on page 246-7

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Productive Conflict Productive Conflict Management StrategiesManagement Strategies

Fight activelyTalkBe supportiveUse face-enhancing strategiesUse empathyUse an open expressionPresent focusStay above the beltDon’t be argumentative

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Unproductive Conflict Unproductive Conflict Management StrategiesManagement Strategies

AvoidanceForceDefensivenessBlameSilencersHitting below the beltAggressiveness

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Verbal AggressivenessVerbal Aggressiveness

Inflicts psychological painAttacks the other’s self-conceptDisconfirmsSeeks to discredit the other’s view

of self

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Test YourselfTest Yourself

Complete this in your EZ Guide

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Argumentativeness: Argumentativeness: A Quality to be A Quality to be Cultivated – Cultivated – willingness to argue for a point of view on a willingness to argue for a point of view on a significant issuesignificant issue

Treat disagreements as objectively as possible

Avoid attacking the other personReaffirm the other’s sense of competence

Avoid interruptingStress quality and similaritiesExpress interest in the other person’s position, attitude, and point of view

Avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally

Allow the other person to save face 33

Win-Win MethodWin-Win Method

1. Identify Your Problem and Unmet Need• The ownership of the problem

almost always belongs to the person who raises the problem.

Win-win is rarely used. Buy-in to competition, lack of knowledge and the need for cooperation are barriers to using the win-win method.

HomeworkHomework

Complete Skill Buidling Exercise in your EZ Guide

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Have a great Day!!!Have a great Day!!!