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#MOKSH

Ashwin Razdan



NotionPress5 Muthu Kalathy Street, Triplicane, Chennai -

600005

First Published by NotionPress

Copyright © Ashwin Razdan 2013

All Rights Reserved.

ISBN: 978-93-83185-14-6

This book is sold subject to condition that it shall

not by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold

or hired out, circulated and no reproduction in

any form, in whole or in part (except for brief

quotations in critical articles or reviews) may bemade without written permission of the publishers.

This book has been published in good faith that the

work of the author is original. All efforts have been

taken to make the material error-free. However, the

author and the publisher disclaim the responsibility for any inadvertent errors.



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Chapter 1

December,December, 1994 1994

Mahesh Kumar looked around the Begumpet vegetable and fruit market as the

streetlights flickered on. He knew that, at the very most, he had an hour of real business left. The sunoften set as early as six in the evening during thepeak of winter; and years of experience had taughthim that people didn’t like buying vegetables if they couldn’t examine them like the policeexamined a crime scene. That made winters

extremely difficult. The streetlights were neverenough for people to be able to study the vegetables before they bought them. So businessoften winded down by seven or a little past.

Of course, that did not mean that he could gohome and rest his feet, tired and in pain becauseof standing all day. He had to wait the additionalhour in the hope that someone running late fromhis office would stop by and pick up his vegetablesat the last minute. And then, after almost eightlong hours of standing and yelling for people tobuy vegetables, he could pack up and go home tohis wife and two year old son.

Mahesh wrapped his shawl tighter aroundhimself. The tiny holes in the garment went togreat lengths to reduce its purpose. But Maheshhad stopped caring. He had other things he neededto spend his hard earned money on. Like his son.

He had married Sunita with the promise of keeping her happy and safe and giving her the



warm comfort of a real family, something she had

never experienced. Her parents had died when shehad been ten. She had taken up the job of amaid then and had a small room to herself, butno one to talk to. Mahesh’s story wasn’t muchdifferent. His father had left his mother and him when he’d been only twelve. His mother had diedof grief within days. And Mahesh had been left to

fend for himself. He’d done odd jobs and surviveduntil he’d saved some money and started his own vegetable stall at the age of eighteen. He’d metSunita when she’d been buying vegetables for thefamily she worked for. And his life had changed.

They got married a year later. Sunita continuedher job, but moved out of the lonely room. They both knew that they wouldn’t have much luxury and comfort. But they would have the family that they’d both craved. They shared a smallconcrete one room house amongst many otherslike them; and the little locality that was a coupleof kilometers away from the vegetable market hadbecome their home and extended family.

Arya had been a blessing, born to them afteralmost five years of marriage. There had beencomplications in that pregnancy too and Sunitahad almost died giving birth to their son. But,she’d fought and survived, later claiming that ithad been the unbeatable desire to be the one

who brings up her son that had saved her. Almostlosing his wife had turned Mahesh off the idea of having another child and little Arya became their world.

Mahesh and Sunita had become well aware of the fact that education could have given them theability to have a different life, a better life. They

2 #MOKSH



also knew that now, it was too late for them. But

they wanted their son to study and get the besteducation they could afford to give him, so thathe could grow up to live a life better than the onethey’d had.

At a little older than six years, Arya had becomequite a talkative child. He spoke to his parents,repeated what he heard and imitated their actions.

He walked, pushing an imaginary cart like he’dseen his father do. He would grab a broom andsweep the house like he’d seen his mother do. He would even imitate the actors he saw on television.Sunita and he were saving every penny they couldfor his schooling. They had put him into one of the better schools of the city and worked hard toensure that they could continue to afford keepinghim there.

“I hate days like these!”Mahesh turned, the voice snapping him out

of his thoughts. He found himself staring intothe angry expression of his house, and market,neighbor. He understood how Kishan felt. The day had been extremely slow. But then he’d learnedthat the first day of the working week was whenpeople were too busy to think about anything buttheir work. And that included stopping by themarket.

“Tomorrow will be better,” Mahesh assured like

he had ever week for the last six years thathe’d known Kishan. Kishan was hot tempered anddidn’t take bad days too well.

“You always say that,” Kishan replied, his angerdissipating as fast as it had come.

“Because that’s what always happens,” Maheshsmiled.

Chapter 1 3



“At least the day has ended,” Kishan said as he

began to cover up his cart. Mahesh took a look atthe ancient watch that had once belonged to hisfather and that Mahesh had worn ever since hisfather’s death twenty two years ago. It displayedthe time to be a little past nine and Mahesh spranginto action.

“I didn’t realize it was so late,” he said as he

hurriedly packed up. Within minutes, he was ready to go. “Let’s go,” he said, pushing his cart aheadof him.

“Give me a minute,” Kishan replied, laughing.“Not everyone can wrap up as fast as you do. You’re always in a hurry to go home.”

“You’d better hurry too,” Mahesh replied ashe continued walking away with slow, deliberatesteps. “Sunita asked me to tell you that she’smaking your favorite Biryani for dinner.”

“And you didn’t find the time to tell me that inall these hours?” Kishan shouted, his hands flyingover his cart as he hurriedly tied the covering clothin place. He pushed his cart with all his effort andrushed forward until he was next to Mahesh.

“You are always in such a hurry, Kishan,”Mahesh said, his words laced with mock reproval.

“Oh! Shut up!” Kishan retorted but couldn’tstop himself from laughing. “So what’s Arya up tonowadays? Got any new role models lately?”

“He saw some film at school yesterday,”Mahesh replied. “It had this really bad male model who was really popular. He’s got one pouty expression throughout the film. Now Arya is walking with the same expression all over thehouse. He was telling his mother how great hismilk was with this intense, hero look and a foam

4 #MOKSH



mustache,” he added, laughing softly at the

comical sight that he’d seen before leaving thehouse in the morning.

“That boy is a wonder, Mahesh,” Kishan replied,smiling at the image his friend had painted. “Hecan make anyone laugh.”

“That’s what Sunita says,” Mahesh said. “Andright now, he’s the only one who can keep his

mother in a good enough mood to not scream atus for being late. So hurry up!”

Chapter 1 5



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Chapter 2

“That was your best yet,” Kishan said,smiling at Sunita.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Sunita replied as she

cleared the plates.“You should have seen his reaction when I said

Biryani ,” Mahesh laughed. “In fact,” he added,suddenly getting to his feet, “I know just how toshow you how he reacts every time I say Biryani . Arya!”

Arya looked up from his plate and turned to his

father, his dark brown eyes wide. His long black hair fell across his forehead and eyes. He twistedhis lips and blew. His hair moved off his eyes fora brief moment before falling right back where ithad been. He pushed his empty plate aside andstood up, brushing the back of his hand across hisface to move away the hair.

“Yes, Papa?” he asked, coming to stand in frontof his father.

“Can you please show your mother what UncleKishan does whenever she makes Biryani ?”

Arya turned to look at Kishan who had hisgaze fixated on the little boy. He stared at him

for a moment without moving. Mahesh was aboutto prod him when he suddenly started pacing thesmall room furiously.

“Oh man oh man oh man!” he said, his voicedeep and heavy. “Finally I’m going to get to eatsomething tasty. My wife,” he added, shaking hishead in disapproval, “is a horrible cook. She can



burn water. Every time she cooks, I’m afraid that

she’ll set the house on fire. The first time shecooked for me, the roti was so burnt that it hadturned black and had holes in it. Like a strangely colored Dalmatian! But don’t tell her I said that!Oh, what do I care?” Arya imitated, waving onehand in disregard. “Tell her if you want. Just giveme some Biryani and I can be spared the horror

for one night.” He threw his arms up helplessly,his face twisted in agony.

Kishan rushed forward and grabbed the boy,pulling him into a giant hug. “You are going toget me murdered,” he said, as Mahesh burst outlaughing. “If Asha saw that dramatized act –”

“You deserve whatever she would do to you,”Mahesh interrupted. “I’ve eaten her food and it’snot that bad.”

“I hope her mother’s doing better now?” Sunitaasked, joining them.

“Yes, she is,” Kishan smiled as Arya wrestledfree and rushed to his father. “Asha should be back tomorrow evening.”

“And you can go back to eating her horriblefood without uttering a word,” Mahesh added.

“Don’t act like such a big, brave man,” Kishanretorted. “Every man knows when to stay quiet. And I’ve seen you when Sunita is angry. A squirrelmakes more sound than you do. Arya! What does

your father do when your mother gets angry athim?” Kishan asked, turning to Arya who wasstanding in the middle of the room and looking ateach of them every time they spoke.

Arya turned from Kishan to Mahesh, his eyes wide as they twinkled mischievously. He turned tolook at his mother and Sunita forced herself to

Chapter 2 7



maintain a serious, straight face. He looked down

suddenly as he clasped his hands together behindhis back. He took in a deep breath, his tiny chestexpanding as much as possible. Raising his head,he let out a long sigh as his expression turneddefeated.

He looked at his mother with a resignedexpression. “Alright, dear,” he said, a small,

nervous smile lifting the corners of his lips.“Anything you want,” he added, the words rushingout of his mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It will never happen again. I apologize. I love youmore than anything in the world. I’m not justsaying that.”

He stopped, running out of breath and turnedto Kishan who could no longer control hislaughter. Kishan turned to Sunita as he managedto stop laughing. “Every time?” he asked, hisexpression amused.

“Every time,” Sunita replied, shaking her head.“It’s like a speech.”

“You, my friend,” Kishan said, turning to look at Mahesh, “have to right to say anything about Asha or me. And Sunita,” he added, turning to her,“you are doing a brilliant job in keeping him inline. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a home togo to.”

“Yes,” Mahesh replied as Kishan headed for the

door, “where you can sit and pray that your wife,or her cooking doesn’t kill you.”Mahesh locked the door behind his friend and

turned around to look at Arya. Seeing his father’sstern expression, Arya ran and hid behind hismother.

8 #MOKSH



“That’s not going to save you kiddo,” Mahesh

said as he rushed forward and grabbed hold of him. Arya screamed and shouted, unable to stoplaughing as his father tickled him. Five minuteslater, both father and son fell to the floor,exhausted. When they finally caught their breath,Mahesh pushed himself to his feet and stretchedhis hand out to Arya. The little boy grabbed his

father’s hand excitedly and stood up.“Come on,” Mahesh said, ruffling Arya’s hair as

he fell in step with his father. “Let’s go to bed,funny man!”

Chapter 2 9



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Chapter 3

May,May, 1995 1995

Arya held on to his mother’s hand as they walked back from the grocery. His school

had let out for the summer holidays and he spentmost of his days running around the neighborhood with his friends. But he’d spent the last two daysat home, staying by his ill mother’s side, helpingher with her work around the house.

His mother pulled him along and he almost hadto run to keep up with her. She had to go back

to work and had rushed out to buy their weekly groceries before leaving. He knew that once sheleft, he could do whatever he wanted as long ashe turned up for lunch at his neighbor’s house. Arya didn’t like his old neighbor too much. He was an angry old man who never smiled or spoke with Arya. He lived with his son and daughter inlaw who only shouted and screamed the entireday. But the old man wouldn’t even react to her. After days of paying attention to the completelack of emotion on the man’s face regardless of his daughter in law yelling, Arya had concludedthat he had to be hard of hearing. There was

no other explanation for his ability to not reactto the amount of noise the woman made. Sunitaleft ten minutes later and Arya forgot all aboutthe grumpy, old man and his incessantly louddaughter in law as he got busy with his friends.

He lost all track of time, realizing too late thathe had missed his lunchtime. He took off, running



as fast as his little legs could carry him. He pushed

his neighbor’s door open and ran in, almost fallingflat on his face as he tripped over the threshold.He bent over, gasping as he tried to catch hisbreath. The old man who sat quietly by Arya’s sideevery day and ate his lunch had almost finished.His daughter in law stood by the stove, glaring at Arya. An empty plate lay where Arya should have

been sitting. He mumbled an apology and rushedto his spot.

“Oh yes, please, come in,” the woman said.“I’m sorry, Naina masi ,” Arya said, hoping that

his apology would calm her down. But he mighthave been down on his luck that day because hisapology only served to infuriate her further.

“Sure, now apologize,” she shouted, spooningsome vegetable onto his plate. She dumped tworotis on top of the vegetable as she continuedscreaming in her raspy voice. “Everybody thinksI’m just sitting around waiting to serve them.Come whenever you want, go whenever you want. And I’ll be right here. This is what I get for beingso understanding and nice. I take care of you andhim ,” she added, turning an exasperated look ather father in law. “I take care of my husband. I doeverything that everyone asks from me without a word or complaint.”

It was at that instant that Arya gave up trying

to pretend that she was right. He raised his headto look at her, his mouth open and eyes wide indisbelief. She was still sitting on her haunches infront of him and shouting, turning her attentionfrom him to her father in law, who continuedeating without reacting, like she was nothing morethan a fly buzzing about.

Chapter 3 11



“And what do I get for being so nice and

understanding and patient?” she askedrhetorically. “Nothing. It’s a waste I tell you,” sheadded, getting up and going into the kitchen. Aryacould hear her shouting even as she disappearedfrom view. “Being good and kind in today’s time isa complete waste. I should just not care.”

“She’s about as patient as a bull seeing red,”

Arya muttered, shaking his head as he turned tohis food. He giggled suddenly, almost choking onhis bite of food. He could still hear her yelling,but he was lost in a world of his own. He hadcompletely forgotten about the old man next tohim as he rattled on. “A big black bull,” helaughed, speaking to himself. “Wrapped in thatpink saree . That ladle in one hand, other hand onthe hip.” Arya slammed one hand against his waistas his face twisted into a mask of fury. He rolledhis eyes and snorted, turning his head from sideto side like a bull on the prowl. “I’m so good,”he said, his voice deep as he bared his teeth infury. “I’m good and patient. How dare you think different? I’m so good and understanding. Grunt,grunt!”

“Of course you are,” Arya continued, his voiceshrill as his eyes turned wide in fear. He raised hishands defensively against the image of the bull inhis head. “You are very good, very understanding.

Please don’t kill us.”“She can’t even kill a fly.” Arya turned, his mouth agape, his hands still

raised as the old man next to him spoke. Hestared at the man who looked back at him withoutexpression.

12 #MOKSH



“You’re not deaf!” Arya spat out the words

without thought.“Why would I be deaf?” the old man asked

innocently.“But I thought… but you… then why do you…”

Arya stuttered, whipping his head around togesture towards Naina in the kitchen, beforeturning back to the old man. He continued staring

at him, looking completely comical as he sat withhis mouth open, one hand pointing to the kitchenand one hand pointing to the old man.

“You should really take a look at your face,”the old man said, a deep, rumbling laugh arisingfrom him. Arya simply continued staring at himstupidly.

“What’s going on out there?” Arya whipped his head around and saw Naina

coming back into the room. “Nothing,” he saidquickly.

“Who were you talking to?” she demanded, hereyes narrowing.

“I was just talking…” Arya felt his voice give upas he turned to find the old man eating quietly,all his attention on his food as though nothing hadhappened.

“Eat your food and stop playing the fool,” Nainascreamed before disappearing into the kitchen.

Arya looked after her until she disappeared and

turned back to look at the old man. He was staringat Arya again, a mischievous smile touching hislips. “I would listen to the bull, Arya,” he saidbefore turning back to his plate as Arya continuedto stare at him in fantastic confusion.

** ** **

Chapter 3 13



Sunita turned the corner to her house and

stopped short at the sight that met her eyes. Arya was sitting on the steps to the house, lostin conversation with Rajendra Chacha . Naina’sfather in law was notorious for being quiet andunyielding. In fact, Sunita hadn’t once spoken tothe man in the ten years that they’d been livingnext door. She moved closer, trying to listen to

what they were talking about without disturbingthem.

“What’s the point in arguing?” Rajendra said.“It’ll just be a never ending battle and become adifficult situation to live with. So, I listen and don’treact.”

“But she’d so loud,” Arya said. “Do you know,she’s louder than all the vendors in Papa’s vegetable market together?”

“Yes,” Rajendra laughed softly. “I’m aware of that.”

“Then how do you ignore it?” Arya asked, histone indicating how impossible a task it seemedfor Rajendra to ignore Naina’s constant whining.

“You want to know the truth?” Rajendra asked,his eyes twinkling. Arya stared at him like he wasabout to reveal the location of a pirate treasure. “Ising songs in my head.”

“Which song?” Arya asked, amazed.“Which song?” Rajendra repeated, blinking in

surprise. “Any song! How does the song matter?What matters is that it keeps me sane.”“I wish Naina Masi knew about this,” Arya

said. “She thinks you’re deaf! That’s what she tellseveryone. If she ever finds out…” Arya shook hishead. Suddenly, he got to his feet and jumpedoff the steps. Whirling around, he bent his body

14 #MOKSH



like a charging bull, raised his hands to his head

and poked out imaginary horns. He grunted andshook like an angry bull, rubbing his foot againstthe ground. “I’m good and understanding. Grunt,grunt,” Arya said, shaking his head from side toside. “You sing songs when I talk? You should besinging songs for me. Because I’m so good andunderstanding.”

Rajendra burst out laughing as Arya beganto dance around like a deranged bull. Sunitasnickered, her attempts to control her laughtergoing unsuccessful. Arya saw her and jumped toattention. Rajendra stood up as she came up tothem.

“I hope Arya’s not been troubling you,” sheasked, pulling him close to her.

“He’s a wonderful boy, Sunita,” Rajendra said,smiling at him. “Full of life. He even made me laugh. I don’t think I’ve smiled in the last ten years. Thank you… for him.”

Giving her a grateful smile, Rajendra turned to Arya. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Arya. Don’t get lateor the bull might attack!”

And without another word, the most stoic manin the neighborhood, who hadn’t smiled in overten years, flashed a wide, uninhibited smile andleft.

** ** **

“Really?” Mahesh asked, looking wide eyedfrom Sunita to Arya and back.

“Really,” Sunita smiled, nodding vigorously.“He made Rajendra Chacha smile?” Mahesh

asked again, not sounding convinced.

Chapter 3 15



“Laugh actually,” Sunita replied. “Rajendra

Chacha said that he had found something to smileabout for the first time in ten years.”

Mahesh turned to look at Arya who had already fallen asleep. He looked incredibly peaceful as helay on his side, reminding his father of a littleangel.

“Our son really knows how to brighten up

people’s lives,” Mahesh said turning to Sunita.“It seems like he’s here to free others from theburdens they face by teaching them to laugh.”

“I felt the same way when I saw him withRajendra Chacha ,” Sunita said. “It looks like wechose a wrong name for him. One day, he’s goingto teach people to live,” she added as Maheshlooked at her questioningly. “Our little boy shouldhave been named Moksh.”

16 #MOKSH



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Chapter 4

December,December, 1995 1995

Arya gave many people a reason to smile asthe year passed on. His antics gained more

and more popularity and he became the center of attraction wherever he went. The little six year oldboy who taught people how to laugh becameknown as Moksh – the one who freed others.Moksh found new friends wherever he went, buthis closest friend was also the most unlikely one.He could spend hours with Rajendra Chacha ,

listening to stories of the days that he had workedin the Indian Railway as a ticket collector. Andalthough his school gave him education and taughthim to love books, Rajendra Chacha became theeyes through which curious little Moksh saw the world.

But his happiness, and everything he knew,came crashing down around him in the following winter. Moksh had just turned seven. The lovely dinner that his mother had prepared as a treat andthat he had shared with his Papa, Mama, RajendraChacha , Kishan and his wife Asha, was the lastmemory of happiness that he had.

The many buildings and huts of the Begumpetarea lay silent in that fateful dark night. Theair was thick, broken only occasionally by thesound of a dog howling in the far off distance orthe sound of cars returning home late at night.Nobody living in Arya’s small and clusteredneighborhood saw the little oil lamp that stayed on



#MOKSH

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