The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America

The Moon BaseMoonsburg, Moon

moonbaseparty.orgmoonbaseparty@gmail.com

Public Communications OfficeNASA HeadquartersSuite 5K39Washington, DC 20546-0001

Dear Officials at NASA,

Let me begin by first introducing myself. My name is Bryan Fantana. I am founder and president of The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America. Not The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America that tried to sell generic brand PEZ dispensers to inner city youth. That was a different The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America. We are The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America that tried to enter me into the 2008 presidential election and applied for $77.6 quadrillion ($7.76E16) in government bailout money that December. We never heard back on the bailout money. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone who could help us out, would you?

My colleagues and I are avid supporters of lunar colonization. The construction of a Moon base is a necessary endeavor. Its benefits to scientific progress, military defense, civilian tourism, and baby research technologies are vital steps forward for our country and humanity. Its development would be a signal to the rest of the world that the United States is still a player on the world stage. However, it is obvious that there is presently no Moon base.

It is understandable why you may feel discouraged. The American people have lost interest in space exploration or scientific advancement. Even President Obama cannot be counted upon for assistance or encouragement. The man of hope cut your budget and forced you to cancel the Constellation program because it was “over budget, behind schedule, and lacking in innovation” despite its demonstrated success. Grounding the Constellation program effectively ended current plans for returning to the Moon. And you accepted this. NASA Administrator Mr. Charles Bolden is quoted as saying, “The truth is that we were not on a path to get back to the Moon’s surface.” Chilling. So instead you are pumping out a video game called Moonbase Alpha where players can pretend they are on the Moon. As a representative of the lunar instillation community, we are insulted.

Insults and poor taste in video games withstanding, the severity of this situation is certainly as clear to you as it is to me and my fellow Moon base supporters. The Russian and Chinese aeronautics programs now have a clear path to pioneer space and the future. In less than a decade, the United States will have slipped back into a technological third or fourth place. With the media’s growing incompetence and our society’s growing dissonance, perhaps we will be left behind and descend into an effective Dark Age.

I am sure you are aware of all of this. However you are probably not aware of our organization or what we can do for you. The Official Moon Base Party of the Unites States of America (OMBPUSA) is extending its hand to help NASA back onto its feet. We would like to outline a program called the Manned Missions, Moon Base, and Buying iPads Encouragement Strategy (MMMBaBiES). The purpose of MMMBaBiES is to restore the days of manned space flight, to see to fruition the construction of a Moon base (which will be christened “Moon Base”), and persuade Americans to buy more iPads. Apple is a willing sponsor of the MMMBaBiES program, but they requested we do some product placement for them.

There are many obvious advantages to building and operating Moon Base. Constructing Moon Base is a large public works project which will employ many who are desperate for jobs. Sections can be constructed here on Earth and transported into space. Astronauts on the Moon can reassemble the pieces upon arrival. Once constructed Moon Base will serve three roles: a research station, a military platform, and a vacation destination. The reduced gravity and lack of an atmosphere make the Moon a great place for many scientific projects. For example, the lack of other civilization and the lack of an atmosphere make the Moon ideal for telescopes, both optical and radio. Moon Base will also serve as a military platform. Its strategic position and its space cannons will give the United States military a great advantage in future conflicts. Additionally this allows the construction team to utilize the resources and budget of the U.S. military. Finally Moon Base will make a great vacation resort. Who wouldn’t want to go to the Moon? The tourism will be another great source of income. The reduced gravity experience, the sight of the Earth in the sky above, and the three story gift shop will have tourists coming back year after year. Most importantly, Moon Base will serve as a symbol. It will instill hope in the citizens of this great land and strike fear into the heart of our enemies. The space cannons will give teeth to this fear.

The MMMBaBiES program consists of five phases.

Phase 1: We need a standardized spelling of Moon Base. It is properly “Moon Base”, not “Moonbase”. Two words. This is confirmed by “Moon Base” returning about 3,380,000 (3.38E6) hits on Google while “Moonbase” returns only 678,000 (6.78E5) hits. Additional verification is found when Microsoft Office views “Moonbase” as a spelling error. The word “Moon” is capitalized as we are referring to the Moon (the name of the natural satellite in orbit around Earth) as opposed to a moon (a natural satellite orbiting another celestial body). The same rule applies to the term “base”. Base is capitalized when referring to the Moon Base (the proper name of the planned lunar instillation) instead of a Moon base (any lunar instillation). Please take the time to update your records now.

Phase 2: We need a public relations department. Leave that to us. The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America will handle the public relations wing of this operation. Our campaigning and advertising will change the tune of the most die hard fiscal conservative or space exploration opponent. We have several persuasive techniques already in development. I saw R.E.O. Speedwagon’s career resurge when a YouTube user named ErrantVenture created a video featuring “Take It on the Run” played over clips from Farscape. The emotional film inspired me to begin creation of a video showing clips of shuttle launches, Moon landings, and low orbit maneuvers looping over an Alvin and the

Chipmunks cover of “Funkytown”. Such a video is estimated to reach at least 40 million (4.0E7) hits within its first year on YouTube. It would be a smash hit!

Phase 3: We need a new space vehicle. You may be pleased to know that several members of OMBPUSA are unemployed engineers. With low employment prospects and every episode of SpongeBob SquarePants memorized, there is little else for these engineers to do but brainstorm new methods to accelerate crew and cargo to escape velocities. Attached to this letter are a few designs currently being explored. Any input from your engineers would be appreciated.

Phase 4: We need a Moon base. With the name sorted out and the space delivery system under way, Moon Base itself will need to be constructed. This is of course the overarching objective of OMBPUSA. It will not be easy, but that is something that has not stopped this country before. Attached is a purposed layout of Moon Base.

Phase 5: We need a billboard. We will have to place a large iPad billboard on the Moon as part of our agreement with Apple.

For MMMBaBiES to be successful, OMBPUSA still needs support from NASA. Donations of money would be appreciated, but not necessary. We are terrible at money management. I filled out part of last year’s taxes with a magic marker and Allen, our Secretary of Moonland Security, submitted his paperwork on bar napkins after a mishap with a printer ink cartridge. We would not know where to place NASA donations on a tax form. Instead OMBPUSA would like your vocal and moral support. With NASA encouragement The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America would become The OFFICIAL Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America. You would further legitimize our movement and gain a powerful alley.

Thank you for your time. The soon to be OOMBPUSA eagerly awaits your reply.

Sincerely,

Bryan Kaboom! FantanaPresident, The Official Moon Base Party of the United States of America

Enclosures:Potential Vessels or Systems for Manned Space FlightMoon Base Layout