movie taco: march 2014

8/12/2019 Movie Taco: March 2014

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A raccoon with a giant gun. A talking tree that only says three words.

Two kick-ass warrior women- one with green skin, one with purpleskin (and bald). Theres no doubting that James Gunns Guardians of

the Galaxyis the wackiest superhero blockbuster of the past few

years, if not of all time. Chris Pratt, best loved as Andy Dwyer on

Parks and Recreationtakes the lead role as Star-Lord (a name by

which only he refers to himself), with Zoe Saldana, Vin Diesel and

Bradley Cooper also starring. Heres the worlds first look:


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Guardians of the Galaxy is in


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As the saying goes The King

is dead. Long live the King.

However, if one were to say

that every time a king were todie on HBOs adaptation of

George RR MartinsA Song of

Ice & Fireseries, there

wouldnt be time for much

else on the show. For there

are few episodes in which aKing is not either stabbed

brutally, chained to a wall or,

as has several times been the

case throughout the shows

first three seasons, murdered.

The highly anticipated fourth

series (based on the latter

begins following the Red

Wedding of season three,

which saw the deaths of

several major characters.

The family Stark are

recovering from this

incident whilst still largely

split apart, whilst the

Lannisters cope with their

own issues (Peter

Dinklages Tyrion is in

handcuffs) and Emilia

Clarkes Denarius takes her

rightful place on the throne.

Who will die next? Lets

hope its Joffrey!

Game of Thrones returns to


7/22

Scarlett Johansson

Age: 29

Coming Soon: Captain

America: The Winter

Soldier, Under The Skin,

Chef, Avengers: Age of

Ultron


8/22

Gal Gadot

Age: 28

Coming Soon: Batman VS

Superman


9/22

Shailene Woodley

Age: 22

Coming Soon:

Divergent, The

Fault in Our Stars,

The AmazingSpider-Man 3/4


10/22

Jennifer Lawrence

Age: 23

Coming Soon:X-

Men: Days of

Future Past, The

Hunger Games:

Mockingjay- Part 1,

Dumb & Dumber To


11/22

George Clooney

Age: 52

Coming Soon:

Tomorrowland

Out Now:The Monuments

Men


12/22

Benedict Cumerbatch

Age: 37

Coming Soon: The Hobbit

There & Back Again,

Sherlock Season 4, The

Imitation Game

Aaron Paul

Age: 34

Coming Soon: Need for

Speed, A Long Way Down,

Exodus


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Emma Watson

Age: 23

Coming Soon: Noah


14/22

Emma Stone

Age: 25

Coming Soon: The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Birdman, Magic in

the Moonlight


15/22

Matthew

McConaughey

Age: 44

Coming Soon:

Interstellar

Out Now: True

Detective Season 1, The

Wolf of Wall Street,

Dallas Buyers Club


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Emilia Clarke

Age: 26

Coming Soon: Game of

Thrones Season 4,

Terminator: GenesisOut Now: Dom

Hemingway

Matthew McConaughey

Age: 29

Coming Soon: Life After

Beth, Mortdecai

Out Now: Parks and

Recreation Season 6


17/22

Kristen Stewart

Age: 23

Coming Soon:

Camp X-Ray

Taylor Swift

Age: 24

Coming Soon: The Giver


18/22

THE YEARS BIGGEST

BLOCK-BUSTER

It is widely accepted that the best kind of

advertising is advertising that the

consumer doesnt realise is

advertising. The LEGO Movieis, in

essence, a 100-minute Super Bowlcommercial. A brilliantly creative, star-

studded commercial, mind you, but a

commercial all the same. The main role

of the film is to advertise LEGO

products, and in doing this it succeeds

tremendously. For the first hour, even the

biggestLEGO Moviecynics will be sold

on the fact that there is more to be found

here than cheap product placement. A

major final-act twist, which is creatively

superb, does pave the way for some

cheesy visual enactments of what is most

likely the LEGO companys Mission

Statement, but is redeemed for the most

part by some genuine sweetness.

At the centre of all the bruhaha is

Emmett, voiced by Chris Pratt, the

ultimate Ordinary Guy, whose entirelife is put in perspective when he

meets a person who actually doesnt

follow the Book of Rules, listen to the

chart-topping hit Everything Is

Awesome or watchWhere Are My

Pants?. The fact that a film which is

essentially a commercial contains the

most relevant satirical message in afamily film since directors Phil Lord

and Chris Millers last animated

comedy, Cloudy With A Chance of

Meatballs, is really saying something.

Elizabeth Banks Wyldstyle takes

Emmett to meet Vitruvius (who is

REVIEW


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basically Gandalf meets God, and is voiced by Morgan Freeman), who tells of

an ancient prophecy that only Emmett can answer. So far, so clichd, and in all

fairness, there isnt a single original plot point for the first hour of The LEGO

Movie. Where the originality does come is in the characters, the sets (oh, the

sets!) and the surrealism of the universe. Cameos from Batman (Will Arnett),

Superman (Channing Tatum), Green Lantern (Jonah Hill), Wonder Woman

(Cobie Smulders), C-3PO (good old Anthony Daniels) and Shaquille ONeill

are fun, and fill some time, but are overshadowed vastly by original characters

like Alison Bries Unikitty and Liam Neesons Bad/Good Cop, with the latter

in particular emulating more fun in his voice performance than he has on

screen in many, many years.

If you are a left-wing socialist, you will undoubtedly have mixed feelings

leaving this film, getting the impression that the filmmakers have lured you in

with theirMeatballs-level intelligence, then dumped a ton of saccharine,

manipulative advertising on your head. If you are a child, or someone who

loves-LEGO-and-doesnt-care-about-politics-when-LEGO-is-on-screen, youre

going to think this is the goddamn funniest film ever made and its hard to

argue with that.


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O ART, WHERE ART THOU?

There are many, many Hollywood directors who could have made a unique,

compelling and moving film based upon the events covered in The Monuments

Men. Tarantino could have Tarantino-fied it and made a fast-paced comedy-

drama with Christoph Waltz. Soderbergh could have turned the true story

into Oceans Fourteen. Spielberg might have outdone Crystal Skullwith a funfamily adventure. However, the job of bringing this incredibly intriguing and

shockingly untold tale to the big screen was put in the seemingly competent

hands of George Clooney. Hey- everyone loves George Clooney, dont they?

He can act, protest, model, and up to February 2014, direct! The Ides ofMarch- brilliant! Confessions of a Dangerous Mind-

imaginative!Leatherheads- errrr. enjoyable?

The Monuments Menbegins as so many films do, with George Clooney telling

other people what to do.. and it certainly starts as it means to go on. With no

major dramatic scenes (par an inspiring speech or two), Clooneys supposedly

central character has no real role to fill in the story. Then again, neither do the

characters portrayed woodenly by Matt Damon, Bill Murray or John

Goodman, all actors currently at relatively high-points of their careers, all


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hoping to earn a Best Supporting Actor nomination just for standing on a

World War II set next to one of the other two. Jean Dujardin and HughBonneville, who are both underused for fairly predictable reasons, certainly try

more than the rest, and Bob Balaban is a standout as the only player whohasnt been COMPLETELY miscast. Cate Blanchett, meanwhile, doesnt do

enough to warrant aBlue JasmineOscar recall, and is a contender for Worst

Token Female in a Period Film 2014.

Whilst all the directors mentioned above have suitably distinctive styles,

Clooney is similar to his contemporary Ben Affleck in his lack of recognisable

qualities.Argowon Best Picture last year, for no apparent reason other than

the fact that it had actors like John Goodman being mildly funny. It would beunfair to call The Monuments Menthis yearsArgo, if only for the clear

effort Affleck put into that film, while Clooney seems to sleep through most of

this. There are parts which are ripped fromBridge on the River Kwai, complete

with whistling being incorporated into Alexander Desplat (who cameos in the

film)s score, and parts which seem to be ripped from the Watching Paint Dry

Network. When all is said and done, there is nothing particularly offensivein

this film to warrant a barrage of negatively. There is simply very little to

comment on whatsoever. A number of attempts to explore the theme of is awork of art worth a human life? seem shoehorned in amidst the light-heartedmisadventures of our gang, and are frankly wasted on such a mediocre work.

As you sit and watch The Monuments Menpass by on the screen before you,

its very easy to vividly imagine this film popping up on Cable TV schedules

in 15 years, when your children will ask how did all these actors make a film

together- directed by one of them- that I have never heard of, that won 0

awards, and that has been completely forgotten?

Your answer: I dont think ive heard ofThe Monuments Men.


22/22

IN NEXT MONTHS ISSUETHE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2

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AMERICA REVIEWED

movie taco: march 2014

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