muster magazine #3

8/14/2019 Muster Magazine #3

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MUSTERMAGAZINE

ISSUENO.3


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TableofContents

2 Moments of Silence KevinBelew

3 Not Too Old KevinBelew

4 Simply Complicated KevinBelew

5 Coddling M.E.Brown

6 Passing Bell, 1967 M.E.Brown

7 Suckling Boys M.E.Brown

8 Spoondrifting M.E.Brown9 Forresting M.E.Brown

10Pathetic Math ChrisGould

11Process KyleEnright

14Untitled KyleEnright

15Swimming Backwards BarbaraONeil

16Last Dance BarbaraONeil

17Your Bones BarbaraONeil18No Apologies BarbaraONeil

19What Eats Ticks, Part 1 JohnHarkins

21Alarms Ring For A Reason 3/3 KevinBelew

24Lying and Dying SarahKrebs

25Paris September 30th SarahKrebs

27What Happens When I Drink Too SarahKrebs

Many Superior Light Beers28You Never Know SarahKrebs

29 Unholy Grail JohnCosta

32What It Feels Like BarbaraONeil

33Untitled KateBurke

34Untitled KyleEnright

CollectedbyChrisGould

Co-EditedbyMarianaKrambs

MUSTER,ALiteraryMagazine,IssueNo.3


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Moments of Silence KevinBelew

Theintensity

ofthebigjobisdoubledwithminutedetailsquantied.

Theeverydayblockageofasuccessfulfruition.

Moldanddecayblendingwiththeoweringofamorningglory,soengrossed,thatclimbsandconquers.

Theredsandtheyellowsdroppingfromtreesinautumn,theoodingofwinter,therestlessnessofspringandthesheddingofsummer.

Whenthebigjobisnished,Iwillhavenoviewinconcept,Illbesurroundedbyeternalwritersblock.

Wordswillbesaid;goodandbad.Itmightbethemomentsofsilencethatmeanthemost.

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Not Too Old KevinBelew

Imcontent.

Ihavetheght.Inolongerneedtofeelit.

Gettingbeatupgetsold,andwillgetyounowhere.

Thevictoriesnowseem,fromthesedaysofsustainablenothingness,somethingtolatchontowhenbeatingthesystem,

winninginlifearetoolsusedbytheunfortunatetofoolonewisely.

Thoughtsofoatingandrotatingkeepmeawake.UntilthepressureoftimeCavesmyheadinwithdreams

and

I

am

asleep.

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Simply Complicated KevinBelew

AsIthinkback,

totheexcitementofmyyouth.

Ifeelfree.

Knowingnow,expunged,asIsit,write,drink,smokeandletthethoughtsoat.ThatifIdiedtonightitwouldbetoolittletoolate.

Andtobeokaywiththis,Mayseemunacceptable.ButmeaslyandstressfreeIam.

Youseetobethissimpleiscomplicatedtosomewhowantittobe.

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Coddling M.E.Brown

erringhim

dousingtheebullientchoirofarchives

motheringhimcatchingthespindlingmareneckingbreast

bottlesintheden,agatelikeloopingmilkcurtains,dark-greenlivingroom

splashesofusagainstthebrunt-sourwallsmoorintheitsheeringdisuseofappetite

ontheoorfreckledinthedinningcanterofdirtlickingouracerbicunarmoredhands

caughtgallonthemustardcoloreddecksewninSwedishbotanicaltapestrywoveninchocolateoralnouveau

livingroomlawnthrowninrichgrassysod-likeveneeropaquerugslainoverhardwoodedpastures

alongthespackleculledwallanoverturetoourwaking

ourshoulderbladesclunkamainthemolding.

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Passing Bell, 1967 M.E.Brown

furnishthesweetroom,

anchorittocallousoors,wedance;splinteringthesolesofourtrampledshoes.netherduskinthelight.

Nehemiahsinthehall,heneglectshislimbs,barrelingchestcontouredandmeantonlyforbrawls,expositionsoflight;thecandleticklingthechinofdarkness,puff,thestarchyafterbirthcurdlinginaswarthydust,lightedout.

Lord,forwhenthebrideisinhiskindness;Thebruteisinherkitchen.Akintohimself;winebatteringaboutinbelly;hissystolichymnthemountainshemorrhageathishands,heliftsustothetrees,withkneelingneckstheyheel,sallowinpasture,idleinrain;come,come;Iswingyou,latheryou,batheyouinassembly,ensilagedmouth,webbedundertongue

cleftthattastedofsyrup,Ilicked,yesclothed,yes,Itwasatundraofmuscle.

YouaresickaspininghideHeclearedthetreesWerejoicetogether;Nobuildingsthere

eldfulloftroughsbedinthecanteringdecayedeshofstonepines.

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Suckling Boys M.E.Brown

gobbleduptherowhousesafterthebig-timestormcame

pouncinginonitsbald-heels

whiffetcomelythroughthenosewiththetareyedsmokejingles

cornerof30thandvolleyinglegstrampleattacks

whinnyinghiccoughcrushingtobaccounderhoof

boysblackdentedchinswornchappytuftedinhairs

stickingthegumundertheirtonguesthenchewingfromthegutters

(and)buddingfromtheangethetipsofcigarettesdanglefromtheirspeckledmuzzles

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Spoondrifting M.E.Brown

combingthroughanapiarywearingsweetvanilla

tartburntandmewing

cannotheartheclangoroftheirdomesticatedfeetcannotclothethenoisome

shallowthenintothebarbedwingsburrowingremedialplashes

ethericonlyiftheutteringstemscurlingthetightstofitsleaves

orisitascepterthecoronetdroppingjewelsinspindrift

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Foresting M.E.Brown

allthenitssin

waylayingtweentwotress

blisteringbrunetteshantybacklongthewater

capewadingthroughboughlappingbranchaureatesail

roundhisnecktautbeardedoverwind

curtailingthebanks,theheavysplayofwoods

feralthicketstalkbelowthebudswindlingleaf

bruisedappendageoforatwinklingthroughthegrove

hewasswimminginthem

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11/36

Pathetic Math ChrisGould

Thatlookonthefarmersworkingthemarketinbetweensalesandduring,the

farmerispittingthewaysandthemeansversustheoutcome:fourdollarshere,onedollarthere...bigsaleof6.75.Whilethefarmercalculates;itsapproximate-ly18dollarsingas,moneyforfees.IfIgettothefarmatnine,loadthetruck,driveintotown,setthingsup,sitthere,thenbreakitdown,driveback,unload;thatsaneighthourday.So,onedaylaborcosts,thenthegas,thenthemarketfeesandgivingthefarmfreshpeoplethircutofthetopshelfgoods,thatsallbeforethecostofproducingallthisfood,thatnowsitsinashopwindowunderaredlightdancingslowlyandwithagracethatseemstoosubtletonoticeatrst.Andsothepeoplewalkbyunintriguedtothecupcakelady.I,theproducepimp,leanagainstahandrailinadoorwaypickingmyteethabsentmindedlyandcurs-

ingundermybreatheverytimeapotentialJohnwalksby,...allthatexpensivecompost,allthetendernurturing,loveandaffection...andtheyjustwalkonby...gahdamrecession.Hecontemplatesmovingbackinwithhissisteruntilheisdistractedbyanotherbiteontheline,pff.Justanotherhand-job,dejected,Ishouldastayedinbed...

Theonlysolaceofthedaywasfoundinoneoftheladyspeanutbuttercup-cakes,upontherstnibbleofwhich,Ihadforgotteneverythingofmytroublesandbudgetingcrisis,liftedthreefeetintotheairandhoveredwhilstawarmgentlebreezeenvelopedme.Easingbackintorealityasitsmorselsintegrate

withmymorsels,llingsomesmallvoidorextinguishingsomesmolderingembers.Morereliefintheformofdistractionwheneverybirdfromtheadjacentparkswoopedoverthetentandswungthreemassivelapsaroundthetransitmall,bankingwideandslowandjustmissingthetreetops.

Howdoesthatfeeltosellpeoplesugarcakes?Howwouldthatladyfeelifsomeobeseso-and-socamehufngupallbyitselfandgotonedozencupcakes?Bad?Weird?Obviouslyshecouldntbeheldaccountableforanythinganyoneelsedoestothemselves,andfranklyIwouldneverhadconsideredthepossibilityofanyregardwhatsoever;werealltryingtosellstufftoeattolive,butsitting

here,workingtheretailendofthisfood/agriculturalsector,Icanthelpbuttocomparethisexperience,frommyend,withsimilaremploymentsinmypast.IcansayunequivocallythatI-thatthisexchangethatIammediatingisafairone.Maybeevenanimportantone.Whichisdifferentthanprobablyeveryothertimewhenithadbeenmyjobtosellpeoplethings.......interesting.AllIsaid...wasthatitwasint-eresting.[Iswear]Betweenthewindandtherainandthecrazypeople;theguywiththeheadphoneswhocameupandjustputhishandonthewintersquashforlike30seconds,thepoorsales;itsagoodthingtheygotprettygirlstolookatdownhere.

Thepeopledrivingtrucks;theysmokeastheypass-adifferentkindofjob.

10.09.0912:13p-1:27pKennedyPlazaFarmersMarket,Providence,RhodeIsland

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Process KyleEnright

itss9:45pm

imsittinginacoldhouse.Itssoempty,imnoteveninit.

amechanicalhumllstheroom.Itstheonlythingintheroom.

Deadlinesdontreallyservemewell.

iusedtobehere,

iusedtobealive

Igrabthebottle,stare,think.

youfeelsoniceinmyhands

acomfortingreminder.howimissyouwhenyouareaway.

Itakealonghardpull.

themouthwaters.chills,sweat,unbearablewarmth.thestomachshutters,thebodyshakes.ahandtightlyclaspsthethroat.backdownitgoes.relief.

Acomputerscreenlightsmysurroundings.

Anemptywhitepage.Thecursorblinks.

Itsnevereasy.

Igiveitsometime,takeanotherdrink.

thereisnothinginmyheadsoillitwithmorebrownliquid.uidllsthevoidofdiscplacedgreymatter.

theinternaltalkradioprogrammingbegins.

thereitis

itsanightlysyndication.endlessthoughts,warmdiscourse.

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thebloodbrainbarrierpenatrated.

softlaughterdrownsoutdeafeningnoise.

maybeicancollectmyself,giveitapurpose.

whatdoesthatlittlevoiceinsideyourheadtellyou?

handsgesturewildy,eyesmoveabout,

limbsail,whyamishouting?

well?

Musicplaysinthebackground.mybottlesitsnexttome.anemptyshotglassnexttoit.Itstareslongingly.

itissuicidal.

ifidrinkallofyourcontentsthenarentyoudead?dontiwin?

ialmostthrowupagain.ghtingoffthatfeeling.vomitrisesinmythroat.pushing,churning,re.likeafurnace.

alastlongcringe,thenitsgone.Beautiful.

iwillstealyourbrownliquidsoul,youworthlessfuck.

Istarttyping.

thewordsfallfrommyngertips.idonotthink,ijustwrite.

icontinuewithoutmeaning,istareatthekeyboardwithwideeyes.itsamazinghowfastmyngersmove.idonotrecountwhatiswritten.ijustkeepgoing.pressbuttons,wordsform.


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Ilookatmyprogress.

dissapointment.

heymisterliquorman,imnotevenclosetofull.youaresofuckingclosetoempty.

itsnotworking.imnotworking.maybeitsthemoment.maybeitsnotright.ormaybeitsrightnow.

maybeimjustdrunk.

amomentpassessoquicklyhowdoyouevenliveone?

Thebourboncontinuestopourintomymouth.idonotcare,ijustdrink.icontinuewithoutpurpose.istareattheglasswithwateringeyes.itsamazinghowfasttheliquorgoesdown.idonotrealizehowmuchihavehad.

Ijustkeepdrinkingfornogoodreason.pourbottle,thoughtsform.

Ilookatmyprogress.moredissapointment.

Iguessthismomentisover.

wordsstop.nomorekeystrokes.

thebottlesitscoldandempty.drainedofeverydrop.iamnished.itistoo.

youusedtobehere.youusedtobealive.


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Untitled KyleEnright

thesepicturessurroundme

theyaresomeoneelseslifeartifactsofanexistanceoneididnotexistin

iwishicouldhaveknownherinsteadofllingintheblankseverysingleglimpseitakeitsonlywhatsheshowsme

ifiwasinthosephotos

wouldwebeherenoworwouldibeabsentwithsomeoneelsewondering

ifiwaswithyouthenwoulditbethesame

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Swimming Backwards BarbaraONeil

SincethatdayonthesandIhavelostmyfaith.Itslost.Thedoubtisfrom

theinsideout.SincethatdayswimmingbackwardsIvelostmypatience.Itslost.Iwantitnow;wanttohideitwhereyouwontndit.YoukeepyoursecretsandIkeeprecoveringfromdumb.Ishelteredyoufromyourownpurposeanditsalreadymisshapingyouridiosyncrasies.Youvesufferedenough.Thiscookiecutterlovekeptyoublindedandboundtomywiles.SincethatdayIvefanciedyoulikemyperceptionoftheskyfalling.Itiedaknotandwatchedyoursquirm.OhhowIwishyoucouldseemyheartyearningforyoursurrender.

CountingthesecondstillIwillbejustlikeyou.YoukeepyourlullabiesandIkeepmisreadingthewritingonthewall.Isecludedyourglowfromdaylightandyouresunburned.Youvewreckedthisspace.Thisguardhasfallendownandthecarrionsmellssomethingsour.SincethatdayIhavegonetoofarandswallowedmytongue.Ipushedtoohardandwecanbarelytouchitbeforeitfallsapart.

Thelustisfromoutsidein.Theshriveledhopesofyoursandminecollide.

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Last Dance BarbaraONeil

Imsadsickofthatdecrepitlookofhate.

NowImstuckuponthiscrucixanditsjusttoolate.Yesterdayyouwerefullofsmiles,TodayImmadsickofyourdenial-oftruth.TellingmyselfIshouldhaveknownbetter nottoletyoucreepintomydarkshadow.Shouldhaveputthatladderupagainstthedoorkeptmyselffromcomingbackformore.Currentlytrappeddespiteallofmymight thesewoundedwingshinderedfromanyight boundtosuddentsoflaughter-nothingmakessenseanymore

Idontwantanymore!

Thisismyvacationfromconstantmisery,yetImstuckwithoutthekeytoFreedomofeverythought

WishIwouldhaveboughtthatboatwhenIhadachanceSetsailinsteadofanxiouslywaitforourlastdance.

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Your bones BarbaraONeil

Takingchances.Secondglances.

Iamwellbeyondyou.Yourtragedybesiegesme.Toounderprivilegedtonoticeyourdefeat.Toodeanttobelieveanything.Nobodyknowsmeandnobodyofferstheirlies.Ibenetfromyourblows.Icanlearnfromthewaterinyoureyesthatlifeisjustasymphonyofshatteredhopes.Icangiveyouthesunshineifyougivemeyourbones.Builttodenythecataclysmicsharedlifewearedoomedtoindestiny.Icantakeyouwherenobodyseesyouandnobodywantstoknowyourtwistedspine.

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No Apologies BarbaraONeil

Ididaveryshittythingtonight

AndIhavenomeanstomakeAnysortofamendmentssincenowEverythinghastranspiredintoSHIT.CometothinkofitshithasBeenspewingoutofmylifeforQuitesometimenow.AmIsofarDetachedfromrealitythatIexistonAnentirelydifferentplanereferredToasSHITCENTRAL?AmIsuchaHorriblepartofeveryoneslives

ThatImknownasTHESHITGIRL?AmIevenagirloramImereSHIT?Amatchwonttamethisdisaster.

Alone,andrightfullyso,inmyOwnhome. InevermeanttocausethisharmYetIvemanagedtochopoffmyownarm

Itriedtofeedittoyoutopreventmefromfeelinglessblue

Anotherbystanderovertakenbythisunnecessarydestruction.IAMONEBIGFUCKINGCOMBUSTION! Ofmiseryandgooddeeds PainandneglectedneedsShame,Blame,Lame-Youname

InevermeanttocausethisharmNO,Iwasnotraisedinabarn; Imtenderandtrue and

Indebtedtoyou.

Imsorry.

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What Eats Ticks, Part 1 JohnHarkins

Eh,yougotoneonyou

Where,where Comer,itsonyourback Agh,ah-getit Theywerecrunchingthroughtheunderbrush,itgrewthickthesedays.Nooneburneditnomore,everyonewasscaredofres,andnoonerememberedhowtodoitrightanyway.Thetreesweresmall,third,fourth,fth,sixthre-growthwithinthose360years.Housesconnedtograsscubicles,9generationsofpartitioningpioneersmeticulousintheirmisconceptions.Thisprogresswasalwayslookingforward,notimelookingback,justprospectsandprots. Thesetwochildrenofthewoodskneedeepinmuckwerealostrebel-

lion,ploddingalongsnaggingshouldersandshinsonthebramblesofbranches.Theywentwalkingeveryday,itdidntmatterwhere,butalwaysthroughthewoods.Thisroamingromancegrewsmallereveryyear,theirconversationscondensedandconcentratedwhiletheforestgrewsmaller.Invisibleboxwallsofreclusiveneighborsencroached,turfsprayedupongradedearth,intrudingontheircollectivecommongroundofthorns. Thetwohadplentytotalkabout,butlesstolookatsotheyendedupatthebar.TherewasaTVinthere,alwaysonplayingMTIorsports.ThePop-cornboxpoppedgreasyrobotkernelssprayedwithcandybutter,asthebottlebeerbrewedwithtapwaterandfearowedtorrents.Thiswasallbydesign,of

course. Atthebarthecoupleusuallytalkedwithexcitementforawhile,butsoonthehumandbuzzcarriedtheireyesandearstocontrivedlandsofmythicreality.Farawayplacestheydnevervisit,lledwithpeoplelookingexactlylikethem,theydneverseeagain.

Justgetitoffmequickplease! Allright,alrightIgotem. Crouchedinthebrush,clutchingthecreaturebetweenhisthumbandforengerhepulleditoffherneck.Gentlyheputthelittleheadslightlyover

theedgeofhisrightthumbnail.Inonesharpmovement,theleftthumbguil-lotinemechanicallyandunceremoniouslypoppedthebugsheadoff.ThebloodofamillionmammalsswelledasmallbubbleatthetopofthebodywithadisgustedickMoodydroppedtheexoskeletoncarcasstothegroundinvisibly.

Ifuckinghateticks.YouknowIdeclaredwaronthelittlebastardsright? Really?shesaidpretendingshehadneverheardthisbefore. YupwhenImdone,therewontbeanotheroneofthoselittlesuck-ersonthisisland.

Thetruthwastheyhadthissamelittledanceeveryday,andshealwayspretendedthiswasthersttimeshehadeverheardhisdecree. Thewoodswereinfested,youcouldntwalkastepwithoutatickwav-ingitslittlearmsandcatchingaride.Bothoftheirskinhadbecomesensitive,itwasaveryparticularfeelingthelittlescurrybeforethebite.Instanceandinstincthadhonedtheirmuscleswhichinvoluntarilynabbedtheparasiteasitmadethegreatscramble.Moodyalwaysmutilatedthem,whileChuriceusually

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justickedthemoutofsightandoutofhermind.

Moodywouldpinchtheinsect,proclaimhisdeclarationofwar,thensnaphisthumbnails.Hedidthisallthewhileaskingtheaudienceiftheythoughtitpossiblehecouldridtheislandofthismenacinginsect.Somenoddedyeswithencouragement,someweredisgusted,somewereinterestedinhispro-ciencyinslaughteringthebug,andmostwouldsincerelysayIdoubtit. Mostpeoplenow-a-dayswereinfectedwiththeticksickness,andmostofemdidntwanttotalkorthinkaboutit.Thiswasallbydesign,ofcourse. MoodyandChuricecontinuedonthedeertrail,silentforasecondasthewordmomentumgainedsteamintheirthroats. ItfeelssogoodinhereIhatelookingatthattowerallthetimeout

there. Iknow,IthinkthisistheonlyplaceontheislandIdontfeelitwatch-ingme. Thewordssunkinastheysqueezedthroughapatchofgreenbriar,thenontheothersidetheirconversationpickedbackup. Irememberasakid,mypopswouldtellmeboutdaysbeforetheybuiltthatthing. Moody,youmeanyourdadwasalivebeforeitgotbuilt? Ohyeah,itwasputupwhenhewasagradyschooler,theycutdownallthoseacresofbigforestandploppedittherethesamemonth.

IwishIwasalivethen,beforethetower Yeahmetooahwell,itsadifferentworldnow-a-daysanyways. Theywereontheedgeofthewoodsstandingupontheprecipiceoflife,theysteppedoutontothesidewalk.ShadyLanewasfamiliarwithitsneatgreensquaresterminatingperfectlyatthechemicalcrackseparatingthecement.Thesoundofahundredthousandlawncutters,weedwhackers,leafbellowersanddirtsuckers,screamedfromthebackyards,astheystrolledinthesunlightonshadylane. TheMindyBarsatsquareahead,theynoddedtotheregularsastheypassedthroughthedoorsteppinguptothebar,takingtheirplace.Abowlof

popcorn,candycoated,appearedbeforethemandsoontheywereswallowedbytwosterilizedjugsofglug.MeanTeenIslandwasjustgettingstartedonthebigscreen,andeveryonesettledintowatchtodaysepisode.


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Alarms Ring for a Reason, Part 3/3 KevinBelew

DamnJustintakeiteasy.Tracysaidasshewasknockedbackby

Justin.Ohshitsorry,sorryTracy.Tracywasonherass,parked,inthepark-inglot.Sheshothimapissedglance,Whatthefuck?SamanthawasquicktodefendJustin,Ohshit,Tracy,weweretryingtogetawayfromthisdrunkbitchinthere.Ginolooked,dumbfounded,caughtinthemiddle.Tracywasstillonherass,alittlebuzzedevidently.Ginowalkedoverandpickedherup.TracylookedatSamantha,Wellisthisbitchthatbad?Because,prettymuch,shecausedmetogetknockedonmyasshereandnowIfeellikeknockingsomebodyontheirass.Ginoalittletickledsaid,No,ifitsthegirlIthinkitis,shesnotworthit.GinolookedoveratJustinandJustinnoddedtohim.GinolookedoveratTracythenbackatJustin,Justinwherewegoing?Justin

bynowhadSamanthasarminhis.Hefeltitwouldbeagoodnightsohesaid,Fuckit.LetsheadovertoOscarsplace.Ginolitup,OhyeahIforgotaboutArchsmessage.Letsdoit.JustinwinkedatSamanthaandledhertothepas-sengersideofthecaddyandopenedthedoor.ShesteppedinasTracyandGinotooktheirseatsintheback. GinoandTracywerecoolinthebackseatthistimeasJustingotontothehighway.JustinaskedGino,HeywhereexactlyisOscarsagain?Ginotoldhim,Itsthreemoreexits,thengoleftbackoverthehighwayandfollowthattillyouhitcityparkroad.Takethatrightanditsattheendontheright.SamanthasqueezedJustinsarmalittle,SowhatsgoingonoveratOscars

tonight?Justinglancedatherquickly,Idontknowexactly?MyfriendArchiecalledandleftamessagethattheywerehavingapartyoverthere.Andthattherewouldbelotstodrinkandsmoke.Ginosidebustedinontheconver-sation,Ahheknowswhatsgoingonoverthere.Therellbeacouplebandsandashitloadofpeople.Justinlaughedalittle,Yeahhesright.Thatsmostlikelywhatitllbe. Theygottotheendofcityparkroadandturnedrightintoagraveldriveway.Theywentpastthehousewheretheycouldseealitupbarn,lledwithpeople,inthedistance.Theyparkedshortlyafterthehousewhereabouttwentyothercarswereparked.Justinbackedhiscarinthespotthatwasfarthest

fromthebarnbuttheclosesttothehouse.TheygotoutandSamanthaasked,Sowhatsupwiththebarn?Justinanswered,Itswherethebandsplayandprettymuchwheretoparty.Theywerewalkingtowardsthebarn,abouthalfwaytherewhentheystartedtoheartheelectricguitarsanddrums.SamanthaturnedtoJustin,HeyJustinIforgotmypurse,Ihadacouplejointsinit,wouldyouwalkwithmebacktothecar?JustinyelledovertoGino,HeyGinodidyoubringanyweedwithyou?Ginolookedback,NahmanIjustbroughtsomepillsandcoke.Justinyelledback,YouguysgoaheadImgonnawalkSamanthabacktothecar.Sheleftacoupleofjointsinherpurse.GinoandTracydidntmissabeatastheykeptwalking.JustinturnedtowardSamantha

andtheywalkedbacktothecar. Soyouveneverbeenherehuh?JustinaskedSam.Shehadherarminhisagain.No.Iveheardofthisplacethough.Justinlookeddownastheywalked.Theyweresilentforawhile.Yaknow,Idontreallyknowyouatall,Iwaswonderinghowoldyouare.Samanthasmiledandtoldhim,Imtwenty-fourrightnow.Justinlookedoverather,Whatsthatsupposedtomean,rightnow?Samanthalaughed,ItmeansthatintwodaysIllbetwenty-

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ve.Justinfeltrelieved.Samanthablurted,Whyhowoldareyou?Justin

stilllookingather,Well,Iamtwenty-ve,rightnow.Shesmiledevenlargerthanbefore,Good,itsnicetobewithsomeonemyownage.Theywerebackatthecar. JustingotthedriversdoorunlockedandletSamanthain.Shegotin,movedtothepassengerseatandmotionedforhimtogetintosaying,Heygetinhereletssmokeoneofthesejointstogether. Justingotintothecar.HesatdownatthewheelandturnedhisbodyrighttowardsSamanthaassheputthejointtohermouthandraisedthelightertoit.Shetookahitandhandedhimthejoint.SamanthastaredatJustinasshespoke,YouknowInoticedyoustaringatmeatGinos.Justincoughedabit

fromthejointandspokeinawheeze,Nono.Heregainedhiscomposure,Nono,Isawyoustaringatme,besidesyouofferedmethatjointremember.Samanthatookthejointbetweentwongers.YourerightIdidofferyouthatjoint.Ithoughtthatitwasveryniceofyoutooffermethebeer.Nomatterwhatitwas,KingCobra.ShetookanotherhitandpasseditbacktoJustin.Justintookthejointandlookedather.HeyIvegotaseriousquestionforyou.SamanthastartedtosaysomethingbutJustincuthershortwithoutknowingit.Doyoureallythinkthatamanandawomancanmakeitfaithfully-JustinwascutoffbySamantha,DontevenworryJustin.Ifeelverycomfortable.Nowareyougoingtohitthejoint?Justinblushedinthenightandhitthejoint.

Shedeclinedsoheleanedforwardandputitoutintheashtray.Ashepulledhisheaduphenoticedshehadmovedalittlecloser.Theystaredateachotherandsheaskedhim,Wellareyougoingtokissmeorwhat?Justinputhisarmaroundherwaist,pulledherinandkissedher Justinlookedather.Shehadexceededanyaestheticexpectations.Shelooksgreatnaked.Justinthought.Heywhenwasthelasttimeyoumadeitinacar?Samanthalaughedloudly.Ilikethat,shesaidmadeit.What,areyoufromtheseventies?Justinsaid,Icouldhaveeasilyaskedyou,Whenwasthelasttimeyoufuckedinacar.NoIlikemadeit.Itsclassy.Shesaid.Shedidntanswerthequestion.Hedidntcareanymore.Justinkissedher

onthemouth,Alrightletsgetbacktotheparty.Someonemightthinkwewerefuckinginthecar.Sherespondedquickly,Makingit! JustinandSamanthawalked,arminarm,backtowardsthebarn.AstheyapproachedtheentrancetheysawGinoandTracyjustoutside.Acrowdin-sidepacked.Bodieswereseenjostlingoneanotherandoccasionallyonewouldyoutofthebarnandrushbackin.Themusic,someformofpunkormetal,wasassaulting.Itaredoutdistortedlikebuckshotpiercingthemallardcausingthemtoslamtogetherandrunincircles.AtribalfuckyoudancetotheU.C. HeyGino!JustinyelledtappingonGinosshoulder.Hey,whereyouguysbeen?yelledGinogrinning.Justintoldhim,Wegotherpurseand

endedupsmokingoneofthejoints!GinolookedthroughthecrowdthenturnedtowardsJustin,Letsgetouttahere!Youseethosebagsofshitoverthere?Ginopointedthroughthecrowdtowardsacoupleofguysattheotherendofthebarn.Justinlookedoverandrecognizedtheguys.AhfuckitGino,theyreharmless,theyrejustabunchofobliviousassholes!Themusiccontin-uedtoblastandthemallardsfellandtwistedandgotbackup. Justindrovebackupcityparkroadtookaleftthenarightandwasback


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onthehighwaygainingspeed.Hepickedituptoabouteightyandthegirlsgot

alittlenervous.Tracyprotested,Justinslowdownabit,huh?Justinrealizedhewasspeedingandsloweditdowntosixty-ve. Itwaseasyforhimtogetlostintheluxury(ofhisfourdoorCadillac)thatcouldeasilyteight,withsomeextrabodiesinthetrunk. SamanthamouthedthankyoutoJustinforslowingdown. AstheCadillacgotclosertoJustinshouse,helookedoverandsawthecrimescenefromearlier,heasked,Heyyouguyswannagrabthatbottleandgoovertothatparkwherethatkidgotkilled?Everyoneagreedthatitwouldbeagreatideatodosomeprivateinvestigating. Justinpulleduptohishousecurbsideandparked.Hetoldthemtowait

outsidehedbebackwiththebottleinasecond.Hewasinandoutandcamebacklaughing,Sorryguysthisisallwegotleft.JustinheldoutthebottleofOldCrowwithonlythedregsofthebottleleft.Helaughedagainandsaid,Dontworrywecangohitthecornerstoreveblocksdown. TheywalkedtothestoreandJustinpurchasedapintofOldCrow.Theywalkedbacktowardsthehouseandcrossedthestreettotheparkwherethemur-derhadbeencommitted.Theysawasignontheentrancetothepark.Theysawrosaries,crucixes,wreathsandhandwrittensignsattachedtothefence.Therewasalsoanofcialsignthatread,Crimesceneentrydenieduntilclearancehasbeenissued.Gino,alittlefuckedup,said,Fuckit.Hejumpedtheentrance

fenceandwasinthepark.Theotherthreefollowedsuit.Theywalkedpastthebleachersandontothebaseballeldwheretheygottowhatlookedlikealargedarkstainontheineld.Theystoppedjustshortofitandhadanimpromptumo-mentofsilence.Theystoodsilentstaringatthestain.Justinspokeuprst,ManIhaveneverbeenthisclosetoamurderscenebefore.Hetoldthemofhowhehadseenthepolicequestioningthekidsearlier.OfhisimaginingsandhowtheyhadmatcheduptoTracysrecount.Canyoubelievethis?Imeanthiskidsparentsandhisfamily.Andtomorrowtherewillbekidsstampingtheineldnotgivingafuck.Heopenedthepintbottlepouredalittleoutandtookagoodpull.Imeanfuck.Ifeelnothingatthisscene.Notonebitofempathy.Peopleare

born,peopledieandtheearthkeepsspinning.IfeelnothingbutHetrailedoffandpassedthebottle.Samantha,staringatthestain,sawthebottleperipher-ally.Shegrabbedit,staringatthestain,hadagooddrinkandpassedit,staringatthestain.


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Lying and Dying SarahKrebs

Icoulddietomorrow

peacefullytrustmeIhavealreadyswamnakedinthosebluebluewarmwatersthatyouseeonyourtv(coastofSpainbaby)smokedsomanyjointsenoughtowipeoutoneofthosegrowfarmsupinmendocino

beeninlovewithyoulongenoughevenstillaphonecallfromyoustillsendsshockwavesthroughmyheartandallthatshitafteralltheseyearsdarlineventhoughIaminlovewithsomeoneelseandthereisallthatbluebluewater

separatingmeandhimyouontheotherhandarenotsofarawayandinmylifeIhavelovedyoumoreinmylifeIhavedoneitallIcandiepeacefullytrustme

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Paris September 30th SarahKrebs

andeveryotherdayinSeptember

goeslikethiswakenoearlierthan11amalthoughhisalarmstartsringingsometimesat9sowhatdoyoudoalldayinPariswithallyourfreetime?nothingdoesitlooklikeIdosomething?theenglishdjisoffendedsaysthefrencharepretentious

sayshecantndanyXbesidesthefrenchsnortcokeonepartyafterthenextallabadjokegototheatmbaddestjokeofalldidntbringenoughcashorpartyonlydressesthatiswhy

IwantedtodrinktheteaevenwitheveryonebeingheresothatthenestwouldfallfromthetreewemakeloveagainstmothernatureswishesIknowIwillbetheonetopayIstarttothinkthisanotheroneofyourtestsifitisIcouldcarelessrevisionthetitleofthispoemis

ParisSeptember28THIlosttrackofthedaysmylungsrevolttheconstantinfernoinmythroatnowbeweenmylegsotherthingstranspireIhavebeenmadeawomanandre-madeawomaninParisyoueitherhave

ragsoryouhaverichesifyouknowtherightpeoplethepartiesarefunchampagnedinnerscherriesripeforthepickingthemorningsnotrealityreallynotbillstopay

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notcitiestobomb

justyouandmewoundupincloudsofcoverstouchingalloveryouwillnotteasemetillwearesittingproperlyatthebreakfasttablesomaywestayinbedabitlongerdear?mothernatureforgetsandforgivesshehasgotmoreimportantmatterstodealwiththan

whatgoesonbetweenawomanslegs


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What Happens When You Drink Too Many Superior Light BeersSarahKrebs

Ihave

onesuperiorlightbeerbytheendofthebottlethereisnothingsuperioraboutitmymommatellsmetorestIthinkIhavebeenrestingthenIrememberthinkingispuremurderIwakeupinParismyfrenchisawlessmythighsareperfect

thebabyonmyhipisnotagmentofmyimaginationoutthewindowgoesalltheconditionssometimesIforgetIamstrongerthanIgivemyselfcreditformybreastwerequitethestatementnowtheyaresilentjustteardropsrollingdownhischeekwejokeaboutimplantsIsomehowmanagetokeepmy

selfrespectintactshudderatthethoughtofwomenwhobirthbabieswhiletheyhavetheirtitsinatedIlookintheeyesofmybabyIlookintheeyesofmyloveronehashisconditionstheotherdoesnt

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Unholy Grail JohnCosta

Letsplayacardgame,S.suggested.

Soundsgood,T.agreed. Iwashesitant.Whatgamearewegoingtoplay?Iasked. WeregoingtoplayEgyptianRatScrew.S.insisted. Thesmallupstairsapartmentwasclutteredwithbooksandvideogames.ATVlaysidewaysonthecarpetamongsttheemptyfoodwrappers.Thelightingbeingunusuallybrightgaveoffastagnantheat,andthereIwas,inachairatthesmallroundtablewithtwopeopleIthoughtIknew. SowestartedplayingthisgameIdneverheardof,Iwastoodistractedtocaremuchandjuststaredatthedeckandthebackofthebicyclecardswithdistanteyes.Alltheintricatecoloredlinesandthetwoopposingcherubwiththe

thinwhiteborder.Iswallowedmyphlegm;wedbeensmokinghashishallnight.Thecardshadthatperfecttextureforgrippingandslidingacrossthetable,S.shufedthemwithease.Thefacesoftheirroyalfamilyandtheunaffectedeyesastheystoodonthefaceofthecardinblandprimarycolorswereswipedintoadeckdividedamongstthethreeofus. Therules,saidtoinvolvepilingcardsinasettoaparticularmethodandslappingthesetupontriggeredpatternsthatjustwerentthere.IwasstonedanddidntreallycareplusIwasgettingantsyandtiredandfeltclaustrophobic. Alright,Imtakingoff. Istoodupandgavetheobligatorypeaceoutthenwalkedoutthedoor

closingitbehindme.Theskywasdarkandfullofomniscientcloudsofdoomwithacoldfogandcrispbreezeblowingelectricitythroughtheair;Isteppedouttotheconcreteandletoutadeepsightothewinternight. Iwenttomycardimlylitunderthecarportandgotin.Crumpledciga-rettepacks,termpapers,books,tapesscatteredthebrownleatherinterior,oldcarsmellandstalesmoke.Ipulledoutofthelotandheadedhome.Iturnedontheheaterandpushedinthecigarettelighterafterpressingplayonthetapedeck. AlocalbandcalledDesertCitySoundtrack;Igotthedemotapefromtheshowattheinnofthebeginning.Smokingmycigarettelisteningdeeplytothemelancholictrumpetsighingoverthedownedtempopianomelodies,all

complimentedbydrumsandcrescendosofsoundclipsfromrareindependentlms. Therewasnooneelselostonthegreyfreeway,itwaslateandaweek-nightinmyhometown,Iturnedintosuburbiaandparkedacrossfromthehouse.Thewhitecherubstatuettesatthereonthepicketfencewithitsbabyangelwingsanditschippedsmiletowardsme. Iturnedoffthecarandjustsatthereforasecondbreathingthecoldairdownmythroatandintomylungs,listeningtothetape.Itfadedouttosilenceandreeledtoaclick. Ididntwanttogoinside.Ididntwanttogetoutofthecar.

So,lookingforanothertapeinthecenterconsoleIfoundablankcassetteIwasntfamiliarwith,ithadjustonelabelwithchickenscratchesofaHappyBirthday,agift? Whatstartedoutpoorlyrecordedguitarchordscuthalfwaythroughachorusabruptlybrokenbydeeplaughter?Thentosoundsofameagerparty. Ijerkedmyheadtotherightasagureappeareddirectlyoutsideofmypassengerwindow,agiantanddarklytranslucentprayingmantisswayingback

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andforthmenacinglystaringcoldintomyeyes,itwantedtoeatmealive.

ParalyzedbyfearIstaredintoitskillereyes. Thetapebuzzedtothefearandtwohighelfvoiceschatteringandlaughingindifferentatthesituations. Thebugsnotreal. Huh? Itistheshadowofthetrees. Theywereright,itwastheshadowofthetrees...swayinginthewind,yetstillIstaredandlistenedasthisforeignghostsurroundedtheatmospheretakingholdofthesituation. Moveyourheadleftupthere.Themachineelvescommandedmy

everymove.Bewildermentlledmyparalyzedbodyupanddownsmearedwithrelicfearsofsomedemonicforce. Muahahahahahahahaha!Thehighpitchedelveslaughedinhystericalsequenceandsynchronicity.Allmyfearsweretransmittedthroughthehauntedtape.InutterdreadIfellintothishypnosisstaringintotheinsecteyesswayingbackandforth. Iswallowedmyfearandgotoutofthecarlookingbothways,andslidthetapeinmypocketandwalkedthroughthedoor. Itossedandturnedinmybed,mybodystiffandancient,crumblinglikeastatueorafallenidol,stuckininsomnia.Ijustlaythereeyeballsstared

intotheceilingandbeyond Igotupandtookthetapeoutanddecidedtogureitout. Icopiedittomycomputer,sloweddownIheardaconversationaboutforeignpolicyduringworldwartwoandslowedfurtheritdrewouttoabuzzingsoundyetclearlythechantofSixSixSix.Themarkofthebeast Whathadjusthappened? Demonicpossession? SuddenlyitwasfreezingcoldandIcouldseemybreath.Ishutthecomputerdownasmynervesdidthesame,closingthewindowIippedtheblinds,andfellasleep.

IdreamtIwaswaitingatthetransit;noonewastherebutme. Andeverythingwasgrey. Adyingwindblewtrashdownthestreet.Thethoughtofagirlcrossedmymindbutonlybrieythenthethoughtdisappearedlikethedustinthegut-ters. Igotupandstartedtowalk;Iturnedacornerandstumbledupsomestairs.ItgotdarkeranddarkerasIfollowedthestepsintothedark,andthenitwasallblack,exceptinthecementthere,aluminescentshininglampemittingdarknessthroughanenigmaofthickectoplasmsmokeradiatingshadowaslight. InstinctivelyIreachedforthelamp.

AsItoucheditIawokeinbedwithmyeyesopenwithadarkmatteredtranslucentdemoncomingupfrommychestashingasinistersneerviolentlychokingmeagainstthemattress. Twomorepairsoftranslucenthornspokedfromeithersideofme. Theygrabbedmyarmsandheldmewithhellishgrins. TheonepokinghiswaistoutfrommychestslammedmeharderandItriedtoscreambutnosoundcameout.


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Ishutmyeyesinhorrorandforamomentdiedinside.

FranticallyIprayedGodmakeitstop. Justthenablindinglightshapedlikeabellcamespiralingthroughthewindowoatingdowngracefullysuckingthedemonslikeavacuumspinningbackoutfromwhenceitcame. ThenIwasalone. Thatswhenthenauseasettled. Athickdwellingpitturnedinmystomachtowhatfeltlikerocks. VomitingIrantothetoilet. Ifellsprawledburninginmythroatonmyhandsandkneesinshock. Apairoftentacleinsectparasitesswamdeathlyinapoolofvomitand

blackblood. MyeyesthroughtheceilingIhelplesslyshoutedoutsavemeagainandagain.Mystepfatherbrokethedoordownscreaming. Whatthehellisgoingon?! VaguelyawareofmysisterAngelinthenextroomrunningwaterasshebangedonthewall. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!Sheshriekedinhorror. Stop!Thisishowdemonsmanifest.Shecriedthenwept. Saveme!Againandagainandagain. Itookabreathinshockagonyanddespairandushedthetoiletknow-

ingthosethings,whatevertheywere,wouldhauntmeforyearsleavingmesufferinginexistentialdespairwonderingwhathadreallyhappened. ThatyeartheheatburnedoutslowlyinanIndiansummer. Ascarecrowinthedistancewithapurplecoatandapumpkinheadhunglifelessabovethedryeld,woodenbonesabovethehay. Fliesbuzzedallmechanicalcirclingityingthroughectoplasm,trailsoftetragrams.Landingonyourfaceandskull,throughyourearsanddiggingintoyournose,pryingrightthroughyourporesandboringintoyouresh,squirmingmaggotsdevouring. Theeldanddeadtreeandskyandeverythingfellintored,thenfaded

toaheartypurple. Allswellinglikeapulpingveinthendyedtoapocalypticgreywhenpitchblacksilencearoseforalleternity.


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What It Feels Like BarbaraONeil

Soyouwannaknowwhatitfeelslike

Ontheinsideofthisshell,wellItfeelslikeaquickdrink,Feelslikeashatteredsmile.

Onthissideofdenial,feelslikeacoolbreeze.Deepinsidethisthought,thisshoveonyourshoulderEveryminutewegrowolder.

Andwedontstop.Wedontknowhowtoquit.Wastedtimeinthissportsbar.Idratherripmynailfromskin.

ButIdontstop.Evenyoumayquit.

AhurriedquicknessAmomentssickness.HighqualitydelusionAloneandsurroundedbymediocrehopesandlives.

WhatapityIeventried.

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Untitled KateBurke

Seven.BeforeIbecameabad

exampleformyselfandlearnedtheart(lesson)offallingdown.

Beforeamindcouldwraparounditselffully.Knowhowcellsmaymalfunctionandthat

Beastsdonthavetohavesharpteeth,tobedeadly.

Beforeloss.Or,realizingtheintegrityofaliverspurpose.Thattherewillbenoreectioncomebottomofanemptypintglass.

Evenifyourelookingforit.

BeforeIknewyourhands.Tough,weathered.Liketheseasonwevebeenavoiding.Bruised,oftenlate..Backwardseven.Tasteless.

BeforeI

knewbetter.

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Untitled KyleEnright

asurferonawave

crashingintoshorewaterbreaksaboveheadhardrockssmashingboneseawaterllsthelungsthebodysinkstosandacurrentdragsitoutnowadrowningman

youlovedtheocean,

itloveskillingyou.

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