My Feelings on How it Started and Ended

Summer of 2012 Gregg and Grace (Me)

The Start

So this incredibly cute, strong, and sweet boy moves into my apartment complex in the summer of 2012, and I had never met anyone like him. He was charming, nice, and extremely attractive (we don’t get many of those kind in Madras). So of course I developed a huge crush on him, I mean how could I not?

Starting…Still

So anyway, we became really good friends, we hung out all the time. I found out so much about him. Like he’s colorblind and likes the band Maroon 5. My favorite times were when we would lay in the grass and he’d put his head on my stomach and I would play with his short hair.

Well That Escalated QuicklyAfter a few weeks of doing that and us flirting (though at the time I

thought we were just playing, because I “flirt” with everyone) we were going to have a few people spend the night at Allison’s and we invited Greg. It was dark out at the apartments only a street lamp lit the empty street and we stood in front of the small park. When Greg came back from his grandmas with an answer for whether or not he could go he told us he could not. So I gave him a hug goodbye, like usual, before we were going to leave. Then he said “Close your eyes.” and I was like “Okay?” So I did and unexpectedly he crashed his lips to mine.

After ShockOn our walk across town that night I was dizzy and lightheaded. I could

still feel my lips tingling and all I wanted was to still be in his warm embrace. I didn’t know if I was supposed to tell people but I just wanted to scream from the roof tops “The boy of my dreams kissed me!” But I couldn’t do that so I settled for telling the girls of our walking party. Sharay, Alissa, and Allison. Allison didn’t care at all but at least Sharay and Alissa would share my excitement. I had been wearing one of his over shirts that day mostly because I was cold and he didn’t want to wear it. And I am okay with saying that is the first night I slept with a guys shirt.

That’s the over shirt

My First Real LoveOver the next couple of weeks we became the couple of the

apartments, I don’t mean we were the only couple but we were the greatest. We were always together and always were hugging or kissing or holding hands. Needless to say, I was happy. After awhile he told me that he may be moving back to Arizona. I acted as strong as I could around him but when I was alone I cried, I cried a lot. Then a week or two later school started. I was so nervous for Gregg, but mostly I was scared for our relationship. All the girls at school would have a crush on him and all of them were prettier than me. I just didn’t understand why he would stay with me when he could have any girl in the school. I still don’t understand why he stayed with me for so long.

Pictures of Our Summer Together

The Start of the EndWhen school started my guess was right, all the girls had a crush on

him. Even worse they all hated me because he was mine before they even got a chance. I acted strong around him, like I didn’t care about them, but as my good friends know it hurt me a lot. I was really insecure about that kind of thing and somehow the girls found that out and played of those insecurities, they spread rumors that he was cheating on me and that he didn’t actually like me. I started to believe them. I stopped being so lively when he was gone (I only was around him because I didn’t want him to know anything was wrong) it even got so bad that I stopped eating because I was convinced he didn’t like me because I was fat and ugly. He didn’t really help those insecurities (not that he knew about them) he hung out with the girls that everyone knew had a crush on him and even let them where his coats and shirts. I thought I was special because I had his shirt then I realized he gives those to everyone and I’m still a nothing. Gregg also told me that he wasn’t moving back. Which gave me hope.

Try to Pull ThroughOut side of school he was great. We we’re always together. My

favorite memory of us was just four days before the break-up. We we’re staying the night at my friend Allison’s house (she was there of course) and I know what your thinking “Your parents let you spend the night together? How irresponsible!” but we were fourteen and we weren't stupid. We were watching movies, playing Mario, and listening to music all day. Then when we finally got tired we decided we were all going to sleep in the living room. Allison took the couch and we slept next to each other on the floor. As we laid there he kissed me and then said “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I replied easily for we had said before and I meant it. “Forever and Always?” he asked.“Forever and Always.” I confirmed.

Forever Is An Awfully Short TimeI thought after a weekend like that I could deal with all the girls at

school, I was wrong. They hated me and I just wasn’t confident enough in myself to let their words slip away. They told me I wasn’t pretty or good enough for him and honestly I believed them. He was great and I was just a stupid girl who thought that maybe I could be good enough. Anyway, just so fate can complicate the crap out of my life, my best guy friend, Garrett, confessed his ever lasting love for me, okay actually he just told me he liked me, but same thing. He told me Gregg wasn’t good enough and that was a first. He said I could do better and he told me that Gregg and I should break up. I denied all of it and stayed with Gregg. Apparently he said the same to Gregg because about two days later Gregg came up to me in the library before school and said he needed to talk to me. He said that he was tired of all the drama and that Garrett told him to break up with me. He said I did nothing wrong but we should take a break. I just smiled and nodded when he was done I grabbed Allison aside and told her. I didn’t cry, at least not around anyone, I wasn’t going to show my scars.

Thank YouI told only my close friends Allison, Garrett, and Wilson. Oddly

enough that day I ate lunch, laughed loudly, and even hugged Garrett (even though he probably helped the break-up process along). I just want to thank them for being there and making me laugh. Now I can feel okay again, even though I don’t have my first love anymore, I think I’ll be alright. And a special thanks to Garrett for the constant reminder that I have the option of having him “stick his boot up Gregg’s ass”.

P.S.

• I’m starting to think about other guys now, like I have a crush on my friend Wilson. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met, it’s like a bad thought doesn’t even cross his mind. He just can’t be mean and plus he’s hilarious, I just can’t help but smile when I’m near him.

4 Months Later

• So, I just went through this again, and let me say, I’ve grown a lot as a person since then. I’m no longer as insecure, I know I’m beautiful in my own way and I’m glad to be. I’m happy, though it took awhile.

An update on everyone from before.

• Allison- My supposed best-friend has decided she thinks she’s better than me and now that I’m secure in myself I won’t tolerate that. We are no longer friends.

• Wilson- This still hurts me. He now has a beautiful girlfriend. She is really nice and I like her a lot. The bad thing (other than I really liked him) is that he now hangs out with her friends instead of me. We don’t even make eye contact in the hall.

• Garrett- Also has a girlfriend. She is amazing, she is probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. But, she is also part of the friend group that Wilson is now in and Garrett has left me for them too. At least I get the occasional hello from him.

• Gregg- Every girl still wants him, but only because he’s pretty. I have no problems with Gregg. I talk to him more then I talk to Wilson or Garrett. I am over Gregg but it still kills me every time he has a girlfriend (and he’s had lots) but I think that’s because he was my first love. But it pisses me off that he still looks so hot all the time, like, give it a rest dude!

As I said Before…

• I am happy now. I have a few really great friends and the bullying had stopped. I do have a boyfriend currently, he’s a high-schooler with ginger hair and he’s really smart and funny. He makes me feel beautiful and important unlike Gregg who made me feel worthless. I don’t know if this happiness will last, it seems like it never does, but for now I’m great and that’s all I could ask for, I guess.

My boyfriend!

Me and my friend Lauren!

Me and my friend Gwen