Navigating the

JUNGLE of

Pre-Adolescence

PRESENTED BY

&

Dr. Wendy Rice• Licensed Psychologist• President/Owner of Rice Psychology

Group• Offices in North and South Tampa• In private practice since 2001

Dr. Wendy Rice• Services include–Testing and Assessment– Individual Therapy–Social Skills Groups–Cognitive Training

Dr. Norrine Russell• President of Russell Coaching

and Consulting– Youth and Parent Coaching and

Education– Teach Social and Emotional

Intelligence– Conduct support groups, including

one for parents on ADHD

Dr. Norrine Russell• Developmental Psychologist

–16 years of working with youth and families–Certifications include Girls

Circle Facilitator and Trainer, Advancing Youth Development, and Creating a Safe School Climate

Part I of today’s presentation is all about the dangers of the jungle—the wild animals, the poisonous plants, the rare illnesses, and the tribal riots.

Part II will focus on the survival skills you and your child need to be the SURVIVORS of middle school.

Part I:Identifying

the Dangers

Why is Pre-Adolescence a Jungle?

• Pubertal hormones kick in• Peer relations are shaken

up• Stress increases• Helicopter parenting

results in less independent teens

Dangers of Today’s Jungle

• Changes in the Brain• Gender Stereotypes• Early Puberty• Stress • Bullying

Changes in the BrainIncreased function related to• Micro-development (myelinization and synaptic

pruning)• Macro-development (development of the

various lobes)

• Frontal lobe—self-control, judgment, emotional regulation; restructured in teen years

• Corpus callosum—intelligence, consciousness and self-awareness; reaches full maturity in 20’s

• Parietal lobes—integrate auditory, visual, and tactile signals; immature until age 16

• Temporal lobes—emotional maturity; still developing after age 16

Changes in the Brain• Lateralization (isolation of functions to one or the other hemisphere in the brain) increases—this ultimately increases efficiency but reduces plasticity in the short run

• Elaborations, or new connections in the brain, happen as a result of maturation and experience

• Synaptic connections transverse increasingly longer distances across the brain and are correlated with increased flexibility of thought

Gender Stereotypes

BOYS“The Purpose of Boys:

Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives”Michael Gurian

GIRLS“The Curse of the Good

Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence” Rachel Simmons

Early Puberty• 1997 study: Among white girls,

the average age of breast budding was 9.96. Among black girls, it was 8.87.

• 2010 study: By age 7, 10 percent of white girls, 23 percent of black girls, 15 percent of Hispanic girls and 2 percent of Asian girls had started developing breasts.

Early Puberty• Early puberty increases the

risk for social problems as well. We know that girls who develop ahead of their peers tend to have lower self-esteem, more depression and more eating disorders. They start drinking and lose their virginity sooner.

Early Puberty

Treat them the age they are, not the age they look.

Stress

• Anxiety is a normal and adaptive system in the body that tells us when we are in danger.

• Sometimes our bodies warn us about danger that isn’t real.

Stress

• Anxiety becomes a problem when it interferes with functioning:– Intensity• What is the degree of the stress

present?– Impairment• Does the stress interfere with daily

life?– Flexibility• Can your child recover when the

stressor is not present?

Stress

• Anxiety disorders affect approximately 13% of American children and adolescents.

• Anxiety disorders are the greatest predictors of mood disorders and alcohol abuse in adulthood.

• More than 40 million adults in the US (18%) have reported disabling anxiety that negatively impacts their lives.

Bullying

1. Imbalance of Power: people who bully use their power to control or harm those with less power who may have a hard time defending themselves

2. Intent to Cause Harm: accidents are not bullying; bullying is intentionally hurtful

3. Repetition: incidents of bullying happen to the same the person over and over by the same person or group

Not Every Conflict is Bullying

• For example, these are NOT bullying situations• Friends who are in an

argument• One time physical aggression• Girls in bathroom gossiping• Calling someone a name• Spreading a rumor

This IS Bullying

• Repeated physical aggression in the locker room toward one student

• Girls in bathroom gossiping every day or week about the same student(s)

• Calling someone a derogatory name every time they walk into school/class

Part II:Teaching Kids & Parents

the Survival SkillsThey Need for “The Jungle”

Survival Skill: Learning Style• Identify their learning style before

they move into the increased academic demands of middle school

Visual (spatial): Prefers using pictures, images, and spatial understanding.

Aural (auditory-musical): Prefers using sound and music.

Verbal (linguistic): Prefers using words, both in speech and writing.

Physical (kinesthetic): Prefers using body, hands and sense of touch.

Logical (mathematical): Prefers using logic, reasoning and systems.

Social (interpersonal): Prefers to learn in groups or with other people.

Solitary (intrapersonal): Prefers to work alone and use self-study.

Survival Skill: Organization

• Help them learn organizational skills to better manage the multiple classes of middle school

Survival Skill: Organization

– Provide a place to study.– Help your child develop a system to keep

track of important papers.– Make sure your child has — and uses — a

planner to keep track of assignments.– Encourage your child to estimate how

long each assignment will take.– Help your child break big projects into

smaller ones.– Communicate with your child's teachers.

Survival Skill: Knowledge

• Educate them early about puberty

• Have frequent talks, not just “THE Talk”

Survival Skill: EQ

• Practice with them the social and emotional skills they need to handle this stage– Self-awareness– Self-management– Social awareness– Relationship skills– Responsible decision making

Survival Skill: Identifying Stress

• Teach them to recognize their own signs of stress and ask for help

Survival Skill: Identifying Stress

• Irrational fears• Becoming extremely upset for little or no reason• Having nightmares and sleep problems• Experiencing problems in school, such as truancy or

misbehavior (e.g., loss of interest, withdrawal, or excessive need for attention)

• Complaining of headaches or stomachaches without cause

• Not having fun doing things they normally enjoyed• Disruptive behaviors—outbursts of anger and fighting• Being numb to their emotions

Survival Skill: Coping

• Practice coping skills with them, help them learn what works for them

Survival Skill: Coping

• Try to manage anxiety, not eliminate it

• Model healthy ways of handling anxiety

• Don’t reinforce fear• Stop avoiding• Talk things through• Find help

Survival Skill: CopingDon’t try to fix everything for the child, and avoid offering advice. Sometimes just

listening so that your child feels truly heard may be enough to relieve the stress.As you listen, ask questions that encourage your child to think a situation through.

“What’s the next step?” or “How would you handle that?” are good questions. Ask a lot of “what-if” questions, too.

Help children listen to themselves. Nurture Your Child’s Gift suggests quiet-time techniques for children to listen to nature sounds like rain or waves upon the beach, to their own heartbeat, or to recordings of whales, dolphins or birds.

Encourage children to spend time listening to their thoughts. When they feel free to speak their own thoughts aloud about a situation, things suddenly become clear.

Shallow breathing is associated with the production of cortisol, the stress hormone. Deeper, effective breathing produces feelings of relaxation and calm.

Use soothing and rhythmic music, even simple drumming, to help your child relieve muscle tension. It works!

Don’t overlook exercise for releasing stress and tension. It works for your child just as it does for you. Have children walk the dog, get on the treadmill or stretch. Any movement they enjoy will help ease stress away.

Survival Skill: Conflict Resolution• Make sure kids understand

the difference between conflict and bullying

• Build conflict resolution skills by teaching and modeling

• Talk with them about their school resources

Survival Tools for Parents

#1 Be a Good Guide–Modeling»Tone of voice»Choice of words

–Self-awareness–Gentle feedback

Survival Tools for Parents

• There are lots of good books about adolescence and understanding your tween—read one each semester

• Go “back to basics” as a parent

• Use outside help as needed

PRESENTED BY

&