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R E A D I N GWHAT HURTS VS . WHAT HURTS WORSE
You are sitting here reading this because you’ve realized you have a
choice. Life has thrown some challenges in your path, one of which is
that you are hurting in some fashion. Perhaps you've run the gamut of
medical options by the time you’ve arrived here, or perhaps you are
wary of such things and would prefer to try something on your own first.
Whomever you are, I promise that there is a place for you here. I’m so
certain of this because regardless of your circumstances or history, you
are human, and the issues we deal with here are issues that every single
human being faces. This course is a very special gift that you are giving
to yourself. You are inviting yourself to sit squarely in the middle of the
boat of the human race. You are gently and kindly including yourself in
the group of us that is struggling to understand how to handle this
beautiful and tragic life of ours, and you are welcome.
As we embark upon our journey together, there is a concept that will
make your process smoother, and calm your very natural resistance as
much as possible. This concept is what I like to call: What Hurts VS.
What Hurts Worse. Allow me to explain.
We, as humans, have an illusion that there are more than two options in
any given situation. We think that there is one side of the argument in
our minds, the opposing argument, and the third lovely option of
choosing the one we’d prefer, but all the challenges involved would
suddenly evaporate. Let me elaborate with a simple example.
FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN | © 2016 NICOLE SACHS
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Jane purchases a mattress which is very expensive. She has high hopes
that it will be a comfortable and delightful sleeping experience, and her
body will feel great as a result. The mattress has a full money back
guarantee. OK, great!
The mattress arrives and the delivery folks set it up nicely in Jane’s
bedroom. She has purchased new sheets and blankets, and she
excitedly puts them on the bed. It looks splendid! That night Jane
sleeps on the mattress, and the next morning she wakes up annoyed. It’s
not horrible, but it’s not as comfy as she expected. She didn’t sleep
soundly. Her shoulder is bothering her. Is it too hard…? Jane can’t
decide. Her husband Bill sees no problem with it, but then again Bill
never seems to give a shit about anything. That’s so annoying about
him. Must she deal with everything?
She can’t stop thinking about it. Should she keep the mattress? Return
it? It’s such a pain in the ass to return it. They’ve already removed her
old mattress, so a return would mean picking out another one. And what
if the next one is no better… or worse! What if Bill was right, and she’s
just too picky? She sleeps on it a second night.
The next morning Jane is so angry. The mattress just isn’t right. It’s not
that bad, but it isn’t good. She doesn’t like it, but the annoyance of the
return! She should just put up with it, but life shouldn’t be about putting
up with things! Maybe she should just let it go, but it was so expensive!
And so on, and so on.
I think you get the point.
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So, what should Jane do? Obviously, there is no right answer. However,
one thing is for certain: There are only two options in this situation.
Option 1: Return the mattress and deal with the discomfort of the return,
the choosing of a new one, and the fear of making the wrong decision.
Option 2: Keep the mattress and stop questioning whether you like it or
not. You obviously like it enough to keep it, or at the very least you like
it MORE than you hate the discomfort of returning it.
That’s it. Two options. Here’s the rub: As humans we like to make
things far more difficult. We want to fight with ourselves. We create a
third option, even if we don't know we’re doing it. Here is the third
option that is rolling around in our subconscious:
Option 3: I will keep the mattress and I will like the mattress and Bill and
I will agree on the mattress and there will be no strife and I will not go
back and forth about it in my head every day and I will not be angry and
everything will be fine.
Here’s the thing about Option 3: it doesn’t exist. We live half of our lives
in Option 3, and it’s causing a lot of problems. Although it would be
great if Option 3 was the case, (which it is in many happy areas of our
lives,) it’s simply not the case here. Living in the hope of Option 3 when
Option 3 is impossible keeps people stuck for a very long time, in many
facets of their lives. It also creates a great deal of pain. Sometimes it’s
a little thing like whether or not to keep a mattress, and sometimes it’s a
big thing like whether or not to keep a relationship…
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The reason I am presenting this concept to you on the first day of this
life changing course, is that we must sort out immediately that there is
no third option here. Here are your options:
Option 1: Do what you are doing now.
Option 2: Do something differently.
Most people who suffer in pain have tried many, many things. Often
they feel as if they’ve tried “everything.” So, please understand that I’m
not suggesting that you haven’t attempted different treatments and
modalities. As one of my clients tells me with a laugh, she had driven to
several states in order to have divining rods placed on her body and
energy healers move her pain, among other things, after having tried all
that traditional medicine had to offer. She was unwilling to jump into
surgery for her neck and back pain, but didn’t yet see that a radical shift
in her thinking was required to ultimately heal her. This radical shift is
what I am suggesting here: I want you to stop asking someone else to
save you, and understand that you have the power to save yourself.
I get how scary this is. As the soft chewy humans that we are, we are
afraid we don’t have the ability to affect our pain, so we will go to any
lengths to hand our destinies to anyone who claims they can. The
problem is that this is not working for you, so I am here to invite you to
open your mind. I would like you to entertain that there is a different
cause of your pain. That the problem is not structural, but emotional
and psychological which leads to actual, physical agony. This is the new
frontier of exploration, and I watch every day in my practice as people
heal, completely, once they embrace this reality and do the work.
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My theory of Emotion Substitution (ES) explains that although the
symptoms that you experience are as real and unbearable as physical
pain gets, and your diagnoses are still your diagnoses, the origin of your
pain is simply not from a structural deficit in your body. Even if that
structural deficit exists (which it certainly does in my own back,) that
deficit does not account for your pain. We simply look different inside
sometimes, as we all look different outside. These structural differences
need not sentence you to a life in pain.
I tell people all the time: The work I am offering you comes with a full
miserybackguarantee. You are more than welcome to go back to the
way you were doing things before at any time, no hard feelings. I
cannot, however, at this stage of my career having watched so many
people crawl through my office door barely able to walk, and emerge
after much hard work with their entire lives available to them, tell you
that I believe there is a more fulfilling way to live. I think this work is the
way to peace, joy, fulfillment and presence in the moment. I also think it
will eliminate your pain.
The work is hard, though. So, you will possibly probably find yourself
thinking at some point in this process that you would like to choose
Option 3.
Option 3: I can do the same thing I’ve always done and be out of pain.
I want to start you on the strongest foot possible, and tell you straight
up that this is never going to happen. If this were true, you wouldn’t be
searching in the first place.
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Once you have done the hard work and taken steps to challenge your
thinking and open yourself to a different way of looking at life, you won’t
be tasked with daily selfimprovement. That’s the goal!
However this will not happen unless you become willing to really lay
your weapon down and do the work. The great news of this whole rant
is: AT LEAST THERE IS A SECOND OPTION! You may have been stuck in
the medical model: surgery/medication/painful treatments or… nothing. I
am offering you an option that can hand you back your entire life
without altering your body in any way. This is great news, if you can
quiet your desire for Option 3. Now that you know there are only 2
options, I believe you can.
So, let’s go. Your life can be fuller, richer, different. The pain with which
you suffer on a daily basis can become a part of your history. Your
personal power which feels lost within you, can reemerge. I know this is
true, for I have seen you in my office a million times. When we hurt, we
all hurt the same. No matter how unique you are, I promise I have seen
someone just like you get well. Believe in that person today… before
long you will be believing in you.
With much love,
FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN | © 2016 NICOLE SACHS
Nicole