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Neuro-Linguistic Programming – NLP
euro-Linguistic Programming – NLP
euro-Linguistic Programming or NLP, offers a powerful set of models and techniques toelp understand and improve communication and to enhance influencing behaviour.
s name derives from the disciplines that nurtured its early development:
neurology - the brain, and how we organise the information we receive linguistics - the study of the nature and structure of human speech programming – observable patterns (‘programmes’) of behaviour.
ere, we’ll begin by looking at some of the basic models behind NLP, then introduce some of chniques that can help not only your communication and influencing skills but change the w
ou look at the world.
ackground
odels of excellence
epresentational systems
ub-modalities
ters – the map is not the territory
etaprograms
echniques
eletions, distortions and generalisations – the meta model
ccessing cues
apport
ub-modality shifts
eframing
nchoring
ummary
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odels of excellence
LP began in California, in the mid-1970s, when graduate Richard Bandler joined a group ae University of Santa Cruz headed by linguistics professor John Grinder.
hat fascinated Bandler and Grinder was the huge variation in people's effectiveness asmmunicators, in particular why some people are such extraordinarily gifted communicators
nd influencers. Just what was their ‘gift’? What was it that made them so effective?
ore importantly, could it be learned?
o answer these questions, Bandler and Grinder chose to study excellence. In fact, NLP ismetimes defined as the ‘art and science of personal excellence’.
hey studied three exceptional exponents in different fields of therapy: Fritz Perls, the co-eator of gestalt therapy, Virginia Satir, a renowned family therapist and Milton Eriksson, aoneering hypno-therapist.
y examining writings and recordings, as well as through extensive questioning and observatandler and Grinder established a number of underlying patterns, or programmes, of thinkind behaviour that made the three therapists so effective.
he next, crucial step was to break down and model each pattern or programme. This meannding and describing the important elements and processes, including the unconsciousements that even the outstanding exponents were unaware of.
he earliest models Bandler and Grinder developed were built exclusively around language – questions to probe and improve our understanding of what someone else was really
xperiencing.
ter, they and colleagues added an array of non-verbal cues – eye movements, gestures,eathing patterns – that gave insights into specific kinds of thought process. For example, audying hypno-therapist Milton Eriksson, they developed a model that could be split into:
language patterns that are kept deliberately vague to induce a trance and gaiaccess to the unconscious
pacing techniques that follow the other person’s thoughts, their breathing, evtheir speed of speech
leading techniques that direct the other person’s thoughts, their breathing antheir pace of speech.
hat happened next astonished Bandler and Grinder.
an ‘programmes’ be learned?
aving generated their Milton model, Bandler and Grinder found that they could conduct
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ssions with real patients and replicate Eriksson’s patterns of behaviour or programmes.xtraordinarily, they even matched Erikkson’s success rate.
nd it wasn’t just the Milton model. They got similar results with the programmes they’dodelled for Perls and Satir.
his opened the door to the idea that:
‘excellence’ could be modelled and expressed as a programme any such programme could be learned and replicated by other people.
short, by learning and adopting the models or techniques of outstanding or excellentdividuals, people could improve their own performance.
‘trail of techniques’
nce those early days NLP has spawned a huge array of models and techniques to try to hel
mprove performance.
has developed more as a set of tools rather than any overarching theory: in fact, Bandler hescribed NLP as ‘an attitude and methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques’.
or example, the non-verbal cues derived from the study of Milton Erikkson – pacing and leadchniques – have been incorporated into rapport, a key element in influencing behaviour.
LP’s ‘trail’ remains highly practical. The acid test of NLP is usefulness. If you think a techniq
ll help, try it. If it helps, keep using it. If it doesn’t, try something else.
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epresentational systems
ne further offshoot of the work with Eriksson was a fundamental tenet of NLP: that we all thnd make maps of reality using what are called representational systems.
hese systems use, as their primary input, the information we receive from our five senses:
visual (images) auditory (sounds) kinaesthetic (touch and internal feelings) gustatory (tastes) olfactory (smells)
e use these systems internally when we remember, consider, ponder etc. Internally, wesualise a scene, perhaps as we recall a situation. Or a particular smell may bring to life a
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emory buried deep in the distant past. The smell may kick in other senses – we begin to ‘feow we felt when the buried memory actually happened.
hile seeing is the most common sense we use in thinking, we each have our own sensoryreference – our preferred primary representation system.
or some, it’s visual – seeing pictures inwardly and describing them in visual language. Otheratural preference is to hear and speak in sounds while others are much more inclined to rec
elings rather than images or sounds.
he consequences for communication
nderstanding what your sensory preference is, as well as other people’s, is crucial: becauseommunication difficulties are often little more than two people speaking incompatible representation systems.
accessing cues, we’ll look at some of the clues you can use to find out more about peoples
nsory preferences including your own.
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ub-modalities
y the late 1970s, Bandler had further analysed representational systems in terms of theirmponent parts. For example, take a second now to visualise a person you know....
ow, ask yourself these questions:
is the image clear or blurred? is it black & white or colour? how bright or dim is that colour? is the person close up or far away? what is their expression?
hese features of your visualisation are called sub-modalities. They can be applied equally ounds – loud versus soft, harsh versus gentle – or to feelings – hot or cold, intense or diff
ere is a list of some sub-modalities for three of the senses:
Sense (modality) Sub-modality
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Visual Brightness Contrast
Size Focus
Colour/b&w Movement
Vividness Perspective
Hue 3D/flat
Distance
Auditory Pitch Clarity
Tempo Distance
Volume Stereo/mono
Rhythm
Kinaesthetic Intensity Texture
Duration Movement
Temperature Pressure
sub-modality shifts, you can see how you can use this concept to change your responses t
articular situations.
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lters – the map is not the territory
o, our sensory data provides us with our representational system, our ‘map’ of reality. Anur maps are based around our own sensory preference.
hile our sensory preference may come under one of five types – visual, auditory, kinaesthend so on - our ‘map’ is, in fact, totally unique. It is like no other. Everybody has his or her odividual map.
his is because our map of reality is filtered, not just by our sensory preference, but also by
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wn unique set of:
beliefs – our convictions that certain things are true, while others are false values – our feelings about what is right and what is wrong attitudes – our values and beliefs around a particular subject memories – who we are, what we have experienced decisions – related to memories, include limiting decisions like ‘don’t rock the b metaprograms – the most unconscious of the filters that affect how we proces
information (metaprograms).
eletions, distortions and generalisations
LP identifies three main filter processes:
deletion – what we don’t notice or play down or forget distortion – the interpretations we place on reality generalisation – the global conclusions we make based on previous experience
hese filters determine what information is retained as our internal representation – our interctures, sounds, dialogue and feelings – that, in turn, determines our particular state: sad oappy, motivated, challenged or excited.
ou can find out more about detecting these deletions, distortions and generalisation in the m
odel.
he consequences for communication
ur sensory preference, in conjunction with our unique set of filters, means we all havefferent maps of the same ‘territory’ and we all have incomplete ‘maps’ of the ‘territory’,
ence the phrase ‘the map is not the territory’.
other words:
we each interpret ‘facts’ differently, according to our filters the same facts will get attached to different feelings and emotions in different
people
the language patterns people use delete, distort and generalise according to eacperson’s unique ‘map’.
early, the consequences for communication are huge. Communication becomes, on the oneand, an attempt to understand the other person’s map – ‘how they tick’ – while, on the othenderstanding the filters you apply to your own map.
he better you can ‘read’ another person’s map the better will be your communication with therson. Not only that, but your ability to influence them should also improve.
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etaprograms
hese are the most unconscious of the filters we use to process sensory information. None ofem is right or wrong. They simply reflect the way different people process information.
arly on, NLP practitioners suggested there were over 50 such metaprograms but gradually, e years, these have been whittled down to less than 15. Here are a few.
owards/Away from
ome people are motivated towards goals, while others are motivated away from non-goaor example, when some people go on a diet, they think about their goal – their slimmer, fittame, ie their goal. Others, though, will think about the food they can’t have.
work:
towards people stay focused on goals and talk about what they want. They ne jobs with clear goals and rewards.
away-from people recognise problems easily and like to concentrate on solvinthem. Their motivation to avoid problems and consequences makes them excellat finding errors and faults.
nternal/External
ternal people know within themselves that they’ve done a good job. Their fulfilment isternally generated. Any feedback to the contrary is simply dismissed – think Margarethatcher. External people need outside feedback for fulfilment. They take criticism personallynd are easily swayed by what other people think. So:
internal people can work with very little feedback external people need lots of feedback in order to know how they are doing. The
prefer close management.
roactive/Reactive
oactive people initiate and get on with it. They are likely to make decisions quickly. They arest suited to positions that allow then to take the initiative. Too much ‘waiting’ to respond wustrate them.
eactive people bide their time, or wait for someone else to initiate. They are best suited toositions where they know what they are supposed to do and can ‘react’ to it. Without anythi
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react to, they will do nothing.
eneral/Specific
eneral people like to think about the big picture, the long-term strategy. But detail overwhebores them.
pecific people, on the other hand, can’t wait to get their hands dirty with the detail. Abstracought, though, is an anathema to them.
melines – past, present, future
ome people seem to live in the future, always talking about what they are going to do orcomplish.
thers constantly refer back to the past while others live simply for the present moment.
he consequences for influencing
ecognising these different metaprograms in yourself and others is important not only formmunication but also because:
these metaprograms are key to motivation and decision making identifying a person’s metaprograms makes it more likely that you can influence
and/or motivate them.
or example, arguing around intricate details will do little or nothing to influence a ‘general’erson.
or will talking up the benefits of some action in terms of an end-goal do much to motivate away-from’ person. But if you ply the ‘away-from’ person with the benefits in terms of theoblems it will avoid or solve, you are far more likely to get their support.
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eletions, distortions and generalisations - the meta model
veryone’s ‘map’ of reality is filtered to generate deletions, distortions and generalisation
here NLP can help is that it has generated a model called the meta model that identifies aumber of language patterns for these processes. The model is too complicated to describell, but we can give a couple of examples for each.
eletions
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Unspecified nouns
A common deletion is to leave a noun unspecified, as in:
"I could do with a break..."
This doesn’t tell us much. For example, it doesn’t tell us the kind of break they
could ‘do with’ or what it is they need a break from. You need to ask them tospecify, for example "what kind of a break?".
Unspecified verbs
Verbs may also be unspecified, as in:
"They let me down..."
Again, the absence of any sense of how this person has been ‘let down’ limits wcan be done here until you question them further.
istortions
Presupposition
A common distortion is to presuppose some ‘truth’ that may not be true, as in:
"I couldn’t do that at my age..."
Such presuppositions need to be confronted, as in, "In what way is your agepreventing you from doing this?". In other word, you need to see if thepresupposition is true.
Mind reading
A common distortion is to presume to know what someone else is thinking, as in
"You don’t care..." or "You don’t trust me..."
Your questions need to ask them how they know such things to be true.
eneralisations
Universal quantifiers
The key language signs are easy to spot, involving certain recurring words like:
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never, always, every, no one
While these are small words, they can have enormous power. They imply no chono alternative, even no hope. Fortunately, any challenge of these so-calleduniversals very quickly shows them to be, at best, untrue, at worst, absurd.
Modal operator of possibility
This is what someone thinks they can or cannot do. Again, the language patterneasy to spot involving words like:
can’t, haven’t, won’t
A common response to these is to ask ‘why’ they can’t or won’t.
emember, you should apply this kind of analysis not just to what other people say but also hat you, yourself.
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ccessing cues
e all have a sensory preference when it comes to representational system. Some peope more visual while others are much more feelings orientated.
he better you can understand someone’s preferred form of representation, the better you cammunicate with them. And the more likely you will be to choose the right thing to say tofluence them effectively.
LP suggests that you can get a number of accessing cues to a person’s preferences, whiche split into verbal cues, non-verbal cues and eye-access cues.
nly the three most common sensory preferences – visual, auditory and kinaesthetic- will bevered here.
erbal cues
his table lists some of the expressions that tend to be favoured by people whosepresentational system is dominated by a particular sense.
Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic
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Phrases like:
that looks good I can see that how do you view it
I’ll keep an eye out.
Phrases like:
that went with abang
I hear what you’resaying
how does that sound
I’ll keep my ear tothe ground.
Phrases like:
I’ve got a goodfeeling about it
I sense that give me your gut
reaction
I’ll keep in touch.
on-verbal cues
sual people tend to speak quickly. Ideas happen very quickly, and their language has troubeeping up.
uditory people use a more resonant tone and tend to speak more slowly and rhythmicallyan, say, visual people. They also often adopt a rhythmic body movement like rocking a footpping a pencil.
naesthetic people are altogether slower in verbal responses than visual or auditory peopleking time to ‘feel’ their answers.
ye-access cues
hile eyes may, or may not be, the windows to the soul, NLP really does believe them to be ndow to the representational system. So, visualisation, sound creation, even feelings are sabe associated with particular movements of the eyes.
note of caution is needed here as even the most enthusiastic practitioners of NLP recogniseat the trials to ‘prove’ this association have all proved inconclusive.
qually, the direction of the motion is dependent on whether a person is left or right-handed.ovements given here, whether they to the left or to the right:
are all for right-handed people define left and right from the perspective of the eyes, not the person looking at
eyes.
Visualisation
This involves upward movement of the eyes:
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up and left is image recall – a memory of something we’ve seen up and right is image construction – imagining a situation.
Sound creation
This involves predominantly horizontal eye movements:
eyes horizontal left indicates sound recall – a memory of something we’ve hear
eyes horizontal right indicates sound construction – something we have imagin
Feelings
This involves predominantly downward movement to the right. (Eyes down leftcommonly happens when we talk, or think, to ourselves.)
o, if you spot that people regularly raise their eyes, this can be a sign of a visual preference
hile a preponderance of horizontal movements could suggest an auditory preference.
here can be further uses for such eye access cues, this time more related to recall versusonstruction. For example, if someone tells you they have overheard someone say somethind you ask them what else was said:
a horizontal movement to the left would suggest sound recall – in other words,they are remembering and could be telling the truth
a horizontal movement to the right would suggest sound construction – in othwords, perhaps they aren’t remembering, they could be making it up.
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apport
apport lies at the heart of influencing. It’s a quality of harmony and mutual acceptance thaxists between people who are at ease with one another and where communication is occurriasily.
ost of the techniques that NLP brings to this were derived from the studies on hypno-theraplton Erikkson. They’re all about picking up on the signals the other person is sending out, asponding with your own signals, verbal and non-verbal, to generate that rapport.
ensory acuity
he basic signals to look out for include:
voice tone and tempo – high, low, fast or slow, pausing
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breathing – shallow, fast, slow body language – look for changes from the norm sensory preference – are there any verbal, non-verbal or eye-access cues to t
person’s preferred representational system?
he more you can develop your sensory acuity, the better you will be able to read the otheerson’s state of mind. Experienced NLP practitioners claim that the following can offer usefuues, primarily because they are unconscious signals that we have no control over:
skin colour
We all know about blushing, or becoming flushed when we get flustered. Subtlecolour changes can reflect mood or emotions.
To sense this you need to observe someone. Look for contrasts first. Compare tnose colour with forehead colour. Once you see the different colours in the diffesectors of the face, any colour changes become easier to see. And, quite quicklyyou learn to associate colours with particular moods.
muscle changes
Jaw clenching is a common sign of anger, stress or tension.
Subtler signs can be seen not only at the jaw, but at the outer corners of the eyand around the mouth. These sorts of changes are highly unique to individuals, you need to observe a person for a period to ‘map’ how these muscle changesmatch their mood.
lower lips
Lower lips are difficult, if not impossible, to control consciously, except when wespeak. This potentially makes them an excellent indicator of moods or emotionsyou can establish a pattern.
Look for features like movement, dryness or trembling
feet
Feet can be very expressive. And the message they send can be at odds with threst of the body. This is termed foot leakage.
For example, a person can seem, from head to ankle, to be very relaxed and incontrol. But, under the table, their feet are tapping away furiously, a clear sign some anxiety.
stening
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apport relies upon you:
giving your full attention – whole body listening with eye contact, nods reflecting back what’s been said reflecting back feelings summarising – checking for a mutual understanding of what’s being said.
irroring/matching
his may include:
posture
We do this naturally. The next time you have coffee in a café, check out the tabaround you. You’ll quickly spot all kinds of posture mirroring – people leaningforward, legs crossed or uncrossed.
But be careful. Be too blatant with your mirroring and people will be offended.
crossover mirroring
This is a subtler variation on matching body postures. Here, you identify amovement that the other person repeatedly displays, and match it with a differemovement of your own.
So, for example, if the person repeatedly runs their hand through their hair, youmatch this by, say, or crossing your legs. The movement you choose isn’timportant, it’s the matching rhythm that generates a sense that you are in syncwith the other person.
Voice tempo and tone
People speak fast or slow, with or without pauses. Shifting your tempo toward tperson you’re speaking to will be picked up by them as a sign of rapport. The saapplies to tone – high or low, hard or soft.
Breathing
Matching the other person’s breathing – rapid, shallow, deep – helps establishrapport. That said, this is likely to be the most difficult to detect. The layers ofclothes we wear obscure our view of the movement of the chest and abdomen.
The area to watch is the edge of the shoulders, silhouetted against a backgrounThese will usually show a discernible rise and fall.
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acing/leading
mirroring and matching recognise and echo the other person’s state of mind, pacing andading go a step further – they try to change that state of mind.
or example, if the other person is irate, talking in a fast, staccato rhythm, your originalsponse should be to match this tempo and delivery, developing other mirroring at the same
me.
nce you feel the person has accepted your mirroring, then you can start to lead him or herway from their initial state using a number of techniques:
reduce the tempo of individual sentences and lengthen the gaps betweensentences. In other words, slow things down.
change your body posture to a more relaxed state
ou could even consider using what, in hypnosis, is called an embedded command. Forxample, if you were to appeal to the other person and say ‘they should relax’, they will resisject this.
ut if, instead, you say ‘I’m not suggesting that you relax now because it may not be the rime for you’, you’re far more likely to get the person to relax. That’s because, while theirnscious mind hears everything you said, their unconscious mind only picks up the embeddemmand, ‘...you relax now...’
ongruence
hen you are trying to achieve rapport, it’s vital that ‘all’ your messages are sending the samgnal. This is called congruence.
there is a mismatch, say between the words we use and our body language, the other persll detect it, if only subconsciously, and the rapport will be disrupted.
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ub-modality shifts
o far, we’ve looked at how NLP can help you understand other people’s maps of reality, andow this can help you communicate with them, and influence them.
ut, NLP also lets you look at your own map. Not only that, it can help you re-write yourap.
or example, sub-modalities describes how our internal representations can be broken down
fferent components: visualisation involves sub-modalities like brightness and colour, while
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und involves pitch and tempo, and so on.
he real power of this concept of is that:
our response to our internal representation is determined by these sub-modaliti if we can change these sub-modalities – what Bandler calls a sub-modality shi
we can change our response.
n example of such a shift is when a memory of particularly unpleasant past experience affecur present-day life. The impression left by the experience is so strong that our internalpresentation is incredibly vivid or loud or intense. If you like, the sub-modality sliders are sll on.
hat a sub-modality shift tries to do is slide the sliders down. If the internal representation is
vividly coloured, then drain it of colour until it is grey or black & white a deep, damning voice, then raise the pitch until the voice is a squeak
a cold sensation, then try to warm it up.
ou could even apply this to your timeline. For example, a fear of change is often a symptommore general ‘dislike’ of the future. Some people feel far more comfortable focussed on theesent or even the past.
ne way to tackle this would be to consider the sub-modalities of your representation of theture. If you visualise it, is it a dark, gloomy place? If so, try turning up the light. Literally me future seem brighter.
r if you ‘hear’ the future, is it a loud cacophony of noise? If so, either turn down the volumey to find a pattern in the cacophony.
ssociated/disassociated states
ne of the most powerful shifts is to shift your perception of yourself – to move from anssociated to a disassociated state.
ne reason for the intensity, the sometimes crippling intensity, of a traumatic memory is tha
ou see, hear and feel it first-hand - effectively the event is happening to you all over again ial-time. This is the associated state.
ut if you can step outside the memory – disassociate yourself from it – the power andtensity of the feeling generated by the memory is diminished.
useful metaphor here is to think of the memory as a film projected on to a cinema screen. e associated state, you appear in the scene of the screen. In the disassociated state, you’re
ow in the projector room, watching yourself on the screen. The projector room is the presene screen the past.
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eframing
ot only can you change the different components of your map, you can change the way youok at it. This is what reframing does.
eframing says that anytime we draw our map, we do so in a particular frame of reference. Fxample, imagine you’re stuck in traffic and you’re becoming more and more frustrated. Theame of reference you’re applying is that you should be in motion, driving. Hence yourustration.
ut, if your frame of reference was that being stationary will give you some uninterrupted timthink about any subject you like, then the experience is no longer frustrating, it’s empowe
eframing is this ability to take a less than desirable event and place it in a positive light. Thi
ot denial. Remember, there is no one definitive map. You create your own. You choose whavent means to you.
ne of the big differences in successful and unsuccessful people is the ability to reframe negatuations. While the ‘average’ person looks at the undesirable result as failure, the successfuerson looks at it simply as an outcome, then tries something else and ultimately produces thesired result.
qually, it is a valuable control tool. All too often, we feel a loss of control, be it at work orsewhere. That’s partly because we see things in a single frame of reference. But, by refram
e re-affirm to ourselves that we have options and choices. That we have some control.
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nchoring
e all have particular situations that we dread. It could be giving a presentation, or attendinb interview. Or it might be a visit to the dentist.
hatever the situation, it induces anything from a state of discomfort to state of fear, or everror in us. These states are termed unresourceful states. They weaken, they disempowe
e may not even have to face the experience. It may simply be enough to encounter somegger. For example, the simple smell of disinfectant may be enough to induce a state of terr
ecause that smell involuntarily makes us think of the dentist. This is similar to the classicalehaviourist experiments of Pavlov and his dogs, where feeding was linked to the ringing of aell. After a time, all Pavlov had to do was ring the bell, and the dogs would salivate.
his kind of conditioned response, leading to an unresourceful state, is called anchoring. Bu
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hat NLP practitioners asked was, if anchors cause us to shift into an unresourceful state, coey also do the reverse?
ould you train yourself to respond to a stimulus, such that when you were faced with anxperience you dreaded, you could replace that state of dread with a far more resourceful ske a feeling of empowerment, of confidence, of strength?
nd could you bring that stimulus to bear in an instant such that the change from unresourceate to resourceful state could be instantaneous?
he answer to both these questions is yes.
he anchoring technique
1. Identify the emotional state you want – confidence, calmness, enthusiasm?
This step is crucial. You must define very specifically how you want to feel. Saying that
you do not want to feel anxious or tense won’t work because you still do not know whyou do want. Also, the mind responds far more effectively to positive commands than negative commands.
2. Recall a particular time in your life when you felt the desired state.
Pick a powerful example. Check your memories to relive times when you had this desirstate. The context is unimportant. What is important is recalling a few particularly stroexperiences and then selecting the most powerful one.
3. Create the state in your imagination.
Put yourself back into that experience as if it is happening in this moment. Notice whatyou see, hear what you were hearing, feel what you were feeling in the moment. Allowto be as if it is happening.
4. Establish anchors.
Notice how the state builds to a peak and then declines. Now repeat step 3 only this ti
just as the state is about to peak, simultaneously:
make a specific, hidden movement with your fingers or with your whole hand say a word or phrase to evoke the feeling visualise an image that represents the state.
For example, press your thumb and first finger together you softly say to yourself, ‘peawhile you picture someone who represents calmness for you, eg a nun or monk. Hold tstate for a few moments, release the anchors and then break state (change youremotional state by thinking about something completely different and by changing you
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posture).
1. Repeat step 4 five times so as to build a resilient anchor. This repetition is crucial.
2. Test the anchors by firing them.
Make the unique gesture, say the word/phrase, picture the person that representscalmness and check that you do experience the desired state.
You will know that you have successfully anchored the resource when you can access tdesired state by firing any one of the component anchors i.e. the visual (picture), audi(word/phrase) or feeling (gesture) anchor. You ought to feel the anchored state within15 seconds.
If the feeling is not satisfactory then choose a different experience that more precisely
gives you the appropriate state.
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ummary
LP is a powerful set of models and techniques that can help you improve your communicatio
nd influencing skills.
ot only that, you can apply it to yourself to change and empower the way you look at the wecause NLP states that you create your own map of reality, it opens the door to you to be are-draw your map and give yourself new choices in life and at work.
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