The summer holidays can be a stressful time for parents. With routines relaxed and

boredom setting in, children's difficult behaviours can increase. It is an important time

to remember and use skills learnt through the NVR programme, such as de

escalation. It is also the perfect opportunity to rebuild relationships by revisiting

reconciliation gestures.

Reconciliation gestures are the planned acts of kindness we show our children. They

are unconditional, we do it to show our child (and remind ourselves) that we love

them regardless of their behaviour. The reaction of the child to the reconciliation

gesture is not important - they may well reject the gesture. Sometimes when

relationships with our children are strained, doing something kind for them is difficult.

Thoughts such as 'Why should I do anything for them? They don't deserve it!', are

normal but signal that the relationship needs work.

Parents come up with many different ideas for reconciliation gestures, they don't

need to cost much. In fact, one that many parents have found effective is sending a

text message, or leaving them a little note. Another popular gesture is to cook

something for the child, their favourite meal for instance, or baking a special treat.

This involves time and preparation, which is a good opportunity to think positively

about our children. A couple of recipes that parents have used are included below.

The most important fact to remember with reconciliation gestures is that they are not

rewards, they should not be removed for bad behaviour. The purpose of them are to

send the child a positive message about the way we feel. It shows them that they are

worth making an effort for and that we will always love them (Helen).

Re-building Relationships

Issue 22 - August 2014

Newsletter Non - violent

Resistance

Programme

Page 2 NVR Newsletter

Some of you may know me from the last two CAMHS NVR clinics. In the last group I started making cakes and pastries for each weekly meeting to raise some pennies to fund NVR volunteer projects.

Prompted by requests I produced a little recipes booklet with some of my favourites. Several follow up ideas have been voiced and I will try and incorporate some of them with the next edition of NVR recipes. In the meantime, I have some copies available at £1 each of the current edition. See me at the monthly NVR parent club in Highpoint House. Cooking can be a good joint project where parents and kids can work together and bond, or the produce from a baking session would make a super reconciliation gesture / offering. I'm not a chef and I have no doubt that many of you have favourite recipes that could outshine my efforts. Why not share them with us and we publish them on the NVR website? I've also heard whispers that we might find a prize for the best one (no idea who's going to judge that).

Chicken with Honey and Sesame Seeds (ANDY) Ingredients: Boneless chicken cuts (thighs or breasts) Salt and pepper Oil Honey Sesame seeds Method Bash the chicken thin between greaseproof paper or in a plastic bag with a

heavy pan. Take care if you use breast meat, it can be turned into mince if you are too enthusiastic. Season with salt and pepper and oil if you intend to grill. Oil pan and fry till cooked and golden. Now drizzle honey over the cutlets and generously sprinkle sesame seeds over place under grill for

a min to brown seeds and serve with your favourite vegetables.

I keep bees now and have jars of honey for sale: £3.50 for 300g (£1.50 goes to the NVR fund).

Strawberry, Banana and White Chocolate Muffins (Helen)

Ingredients: 3 very ripe bananas 125ml vegetable oil 2 eggs 250g plain flour 100g caster sugar ½ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 300g strawberries chopped into bite size pieces 150g white chocolate chopped into bite size pieces Method: Preheat the oven to 200C/gas mark 6 and line a 12-bun muffin tin with muffin papers. Mash the bananas and set aside. Pour the oil and eggs into a jug and beat. Put the flour, sugar, bicarbonate of soda and baking powder into a large bowl and mix in the eggs

and oil, followed by the mashed bananas. Fold in the strawberries and the white chocolate chips, then place equal quantities in the prepared

muffin tin and bake in the oven for 20 minutes.

Our NVR Recipe e-Book

Andy is very keen to put an e-book together for the Oxleas NVR website with some of your most

favoured recipes. The purpose of this book is to give you some delicious ideas when you want to put

some reconciliation gestures into practice.

Cooking and baking is a wonderful way to give some quality time to your child – rebuilding your

relationship and showing your child that your whole attention and time is on them. You also have the

enjoyment of seeing your child eating his or her favourite meal or cake which you have prepared with

love and care.

Cooking or baking together is another treat that many children love and appreciate.

If there are any favourite recipes in your family that you are happy to share with other parents, we would be pleased to see them and include them in our e-book book. The more you all send in, the better! Being able to download ideas from this e-book will be of great value to all of us and our children when thinking about reconciliation gestures., please make them original or personally adapted recipes not copyrighted ones from a book please. (Sarah) Please send your recipes to:

elisabeth.heismann@oxleas.nhs.uk

Issue 22– August 2014 Page 3

Reconciliation Gestures

· Hot chocolate at your local

cafe

· Mend bicycle

· A key ring with his name

· Allow their friends for a sleep-over

· Play a board game

· Watch them playing sport

· Help tidy their room

· Watch their favourite DVD/TV

programme

· Share an activity which they enjoy

· Give them a lift

· Buy a magazine and put it on their

bed

· Spend extra time just listening to

them

· Text a nice message

· Send and e-card or a card through

the post

· Leave messages for him around

the house to find

Prepare a meal together

Buy favourite biscuits, dessert,

drink

Cook their favourite meal

Spend individual time with them

Ask about their day

Remember to tell them "I love

you”

Give praise for a task ‘well done’

Say “sorry” if I’ve sounded irritable

Start slowly rebuilding the relationship by

offering to make your child a hot chocolate or

their favourite drink, maybe watch a film

together or read them their favourite story book

or even cook them their favourite meal. If your

child is non responsive, don’t worry, your child

will know that you have thought of them one way

or another and it makes you feel good knowing

you are being kind and thoughtful. Spending

quality time together is one of the first steps to

rebuilding that special bond. We are the parents

and it is our duty (not the child’s) to repair that

bond that was once broken. (Donna)

Stressed is…………...

Desserts ……....spelled backwards

Always remember to look after yourself before you look after others!

NVR Parent Clubs

UPDATE 2014

You are warmly invited to join the NVR Graduate Parents once a month on a

Thursday evening 5-7pm Venue: Highpoint House,

Shooters Hill, SE18 3RG

Dates for 2014:

August 28th September 25th

October 23rd November 27th December 18th

Erith NVR Parent Club

2014 New Venue!

Wednesday Mornings 10am-

12pm @ Bexleyheath Centre,

4 Emerton Close, Bexleyheath

Kent DA6 8DX

2014 Dates:

August - no meeting

17th Sept Meeting Rm2

15th Oct Group Room

12th Nov Group Room

10th Dec Group Room

How to find the Bexleyheath centre:

Buses: 89, 96, 422, 486, B11, B12, B13, B15 and B16 stop near the centre. Trains: The nearest train station is Bexleyheath. Car parking: There is limited car parking at the centre and there is a pay and display car park between the Broadway and Albion Road.

Beth & Roger

Please note! In December 2014 we will sell NVR

Christmas cards at Oxleas sites, in

all NVR clinics & in parent clubs!

NVR volunteers…. … are actively supporting all NVR

projects in CAMHS and in the

Greenwich community, including the

two NVR parent clubs. Oxleas will be

running a new NVR volunteer

recruitment campaign on NHS jobs in

September 2014. We hope that more

of you will sign up.

Christmas Party 2014!!! Yes Christmas is only four months away.

All Graduate Parents,

please note this date in your calendar!

18th

December 5pm – 7pm at

Highpoint House Please bring along nibbles or soft drinks.

( Alcohol is unfortunately not allowed on NHS

premises)

Our Christmas party is always a good

evening. It is good to see other graduate

parents and sit and have a good catch-up.

So, if you are free and fancy an evening out,

please come along and join us celebrating the

festive season.

It will be great to see YOU! Sarah