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www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 5, 2014 - Page 25

at plough upon the ridge of land, where theyshowed against the sky as if they were thelast things in the world — seemed dancingtoo.At last, the younger of the dancing sisters,out of breath, and laughing gaily, threw her-self upon a bench to rest. The other leanedagainst a tree hard by. The music, a wan-dering harp and fiddle, left off with a flour-ish, as if it boasted of its freshness; thoughthe truth is, it had gone at such a pace, andworked itself to such a pitch of competi-tion with the dancing, that it never couldhave held on, half a minute longer. Theapple-pickers on the ladders raised a humand murmur of applause, and then, in keep-ing with the sound, bestirred themselves towork again like bees.The more actively, perhaps, because an eld-erly gentleman, who was no other than Doc-tor Jeddler himself — it was DoctorJeddler’s house and orchard, you shouldknow, and these were Doctor Jeddler’sdaughters — came bustling out to see whatwas the matter, and who the deuce playedmusic on his property, before breakfast. Forhe was a great philosopher, Doctor Jeddler,and not very musical.‘Music and dancing TO–DAY!’ said theDoctor, stopping short, and speaking to him-self. ‘I thought they dreaded to-day. But it’sa world of contradictions. Why, Grace, why,Marion!’ he added, aloud, ‘is the worldmore mad than usual this morning?’‘Make some allowance for it, father, if itbe,’ replied his younger daughter, Marion,going close to him, and looking into hisface, ‘for it’s somebody’s birth-day.’‘Somebody’s birth-day, Puss!’ replied theDoctor. ‘Don’t you know it’s alwayssomebody’s birth-day? Did you never hearhow many new performers enter on this —ha! ha! ha! — it’s impossible to speakgravely of it — on this preposterous andridiculous business called Life, everyminute?’‘No, father!’‘No, not you, of course; you’re a woman —almost,’ said the Doctor. ‘By-the-by,’ andhe looked into the pretty face, still close tohis, ‘I suppose it’s YOUR birth-day.’‘No! Do you really, father?’ cried his petdaughter, pursing up her red lips to bekissed.‘There! Take my love with it,’ said the Doc-tor, imprinting his upon them; ‘and manyhappy returns of the — the idea! — of theday. The notion of wishing happy returnsin such a farce as this,’ said the Doctor tohimself, ‘is good! Ha! ha! ha!’Doctor Jeddler was, as I have said, a greatphilosopher, and the heart and mystery ofhis philosophy was, to look upon the worldas a gigantic practical joke; as somethingtoo absurd to be considered seriously, byany rational man. His system of belief hadbeen, in the beginning, part and parcel ofthe battle-ground on which he lived, as youshall presently understand.‘Well! But how did you get the music?’ askedthe Doctor. ‘Poultry-stealers, of course!Where did the minstrels come from?’‘Alfred sent the music,’ said his daughterGrace, adjusting a few simple flowers inher sister’s hair, with which, in her admira-tion of that youthful beauty, she had her-self adorned it half-an-hour before, andwhich the dancing had disarranged.‘Oh! Alfred sent the music, did he?’ re-turned the Doctor.‘Yes. He met it coming out of the town ashe was entering early. The men are travel-ling on foot, and rested there last night; andas it was Marion’s birth-day, and he thoughtit would please her, he sent them on, with apencilled note to me, saying that if I thoughtso too, they had come to serenade her.’‘Ay, ay,’ said the Doctor, carelessly, ‘he al-ways takes your opinion.’‘And my opinion being favourable,’ saidGrace, good-humouredly; and pausing fora moment to admire the pretty head she

eysuckle porch; where, on a bright autumnmorning, there were sounds of music andlaughter, and where two girls danced mer-rily together on the grass, while some half-dozen peasant women standing on ladders,gathering the apples from the trees, stoppedin their work to look down, and share theirenjoyment. It was a pleasant, lively, natu-ral scene; a beautiful day, a retired spot;and the two girls, quite unconstrained andcareless, danced in the freedom and gaietyof their hearts.If there were no such thing as display inthe world, my private opinion is, and I hopeyou agree with me, that we might get on agreat deal better than we do, and might beinfinitely more agreeable company than weare. It was charming to see how these girlsdanced. They had no spectators but theapple-pickers on the ladders. They werevery glad to please them, but they dancedto please themselves (or at least you wouldhave supposed so); and you could no morehelp admiring, than they could help danc-ing. How they did dance!Not like opera-dancers. Not at all. And notlike Madame Anybody’s finished pupils.Not the least. It was not quadrille dancing,nor minuet dancing, nor even country-dancedancing. It was neither in the old style, northe new style, nor the French style, nor theEnglish style: though it may have been, byaccident, a trifle in the Spanish style, whichis a free and joyous one, I am told, derivinga delightful air of off-hand inspiration, fromthe chirping little castanets. As they dancedamong the orchard trees, and down thegroves of stems and back again, and twirledeach other lightly round and round, the in-fluence of their airy motion seemed tospread and spread, in the sun-lighted scene,like an expanding circle in the water. Theirstreaming hair and fluttering skirts, theelastic grass beneath their feet, the boughsthat rustled in the morning air — the flash-ing leaves, the speckled shadows on the softgreen ground — the balmy wind that sweptalong the landscape, glad to turn the dis-tant windmill, cheerily — everything be-tween the two girls, and the man and team

ing there, were still believed to leave toodeep a stain upon the hand that pluckedthem.The Seasons in their course, however,though they passed as lightly as the sum-mer clouds themselves, obliterated, in thelapse of time, even these remains of theold conflict; and wore away such legend-ary traces of it as the neighbouring peoplecarried in their minds, until they dwindledinto old wives’ tales, dimly rememberedround the winter fire, and waning everyyear. Where the wild flowers and berrieshad so long remained upon the stem un-touched, gardens arose, and houses werebuilt, and children played at battles on theturf. The wounded trees had long ago madeChristmas logs, and blazed and roaredaway. The deep green patches were nogreener now than the memory of those wholay in dust below. The ploughshare stillturned up from time to time some rusty bitsof metal, but it was hard to say what usethey had ever served, and those who foundthem wondered and disputed. An old dintedcorselet, and a helmet, had been hangingin the church so long, that the same weakhalf-blind old man who tried in vain to makethem out above the whitewashed arch, hadmarvelled at them as a baby. If the hostslain upon the field, could have been for amoment reanimated in the forms in whichthey fell, each upon the spot that was thebed of his untimely death, gashed andghastly soldiers would have stared in, hun-dreds deep, at household door and window;and would have risen on the hearths of quiethomes; and would have been the garneredstore of barns and granaries; and wouldhave started up between the cradled infantand its nurse; and would have floated withthe stream, and whirled round on the mill,and crowded the orchard, and burdened themeadow, and piled the rickyard high withdying men. So altered was the battle-ground, where thousands upon thousandshad been killed in the great fight.Nowhere more altered, perhaps, about ahundred years ago, than in one little orchardattached to an old stone house with a hon-

●●●●● Charles Dickens

Once upon a time, it matters little when,and in stalwart England, it matters littlewhere, a fierce battle was fought. It wasfought upon a long summer day when thewaving grass was green. Many a wild flowerformed by the Almighty Hand to be a per-fumed goblet for the dew, felt its enamelledcup filled high with blood that day, andshrinking dropped. Many an insect deriv-ing its delicate colour from harmless leavesand herbs, was stained anew that day bydying men, and marked its frightened waywith an unnatural track. The painted but-terfly took blood into the air upon the edgesof its wings. The stream ran red. The trod-den ground became a quagmire, whence,from sullen pools collected in the prints ofhuman feet and horses’ hoofs, the one pre-vailing hue still lowered and glimmered atthe sun.Heaven keep us from a knowledge of thesights the moon beheld upon that field,when, coming up above the black line ofdistant rising-ground, softened and blurredat the edge by trees, she rose into the skyand looked upon the plain, strewn with up-turned faces that had once at mothers’breasts sought mothers’ eyes, or slumberedhappily. Heaven keep us from a knowledgeof the secrets whispered afterwards uponthe tainted wind that blew across the sceneof that day’s work and that night’s deathand suffering! Many a lonely moon wasbright upon the battle-ground, and many astar kept mournful watch upon it, and manya wind from every quarter of the earth blewover it, before the traces of the fight wereworn away.They lurked and lingered for a long time,but survived in little things; for, Nature, farabove the evil passions of men, soon re-covered Her serenity, and smiled upon theguilty battle-ground as she had done before,when it was innocent. The larks sang highabove it; the swallows skimmed and dippedand flitted to and fro; the shadows of theflying clouds pursued each other swiftly,over grass and corn and turnip-field andwood, and over roof and church-spire in thenestling town among the trees, away intothe bright distance on the borders of the skyand earth, where the red sunsets faded.Crops were sown, and grew up, and weregathered in; the stream that had beencrimsoned, turned a watermill; menwhistled at the plough; gleaners andhaymakers were seen in quiet groups atwork; sheep and oxen pastured; boyswhooped and called, in fields, to scare awaythe birds; smoke rose from cottage chim-neys; sabbath bells rang peacefully; oldpeople lived and died; the timid creaturesof the field, the simple flowers of the bushand garden, grew and withered in their des-tined terms: and all upon the fierce andbloody battle-ground, where thousandsupon thousands had been killed in the greatfight. But, there were deep green patchesin the growing corn at first, that peoplelooked at awfully. Year after year they re-appeared; and it was known that underneaththose fertile spots, heaps of men and horseslay buried, indiscriminately, enriching theground. The husbandmen who ploughedthose places, shrunk from the great wormsabounding there; and the sheaves theyyielded, were, for many a long year, calledthe Battle Sheaves, and set apart; and noone ever knew a Battle Sheaf to be amongthe last load at a Harvest Home. For a longtime, every furrow that was turned, revealedsome fragments of the fight. For a longtime, there were wounded trees upon thebattle-ground; and scraps of hacked andbroken fence and wall, where deadlystruggles had been made; and trampledparts where not a leaf or blade would grow.For a long time, no village girl would dressher hair or bosom with the sweetest flowerfrom that field of death: and after many ayear had come and gone, the berries grow-

PART THE FIRST

Continued on Page 16

Page 26 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Observer Classic Books

From Page 25 clean, and maintained a kind of dislocatedtidiness. Indeed, her laudable anxiety to betidy and compact in her own conscience aswell as in the public eye, gave rise to oneof her most startling evolutions, which wasto grasp herself sometimes by a sort ofwooden handle (part of her clothing, andfamiliarly called a busk), and wrestle as itwere with her garments, until they fell intoa symmetrical arrangement.Such, in outward form and garb, was Clem-ency Newcome; who was supposed to haveunconsciously originated a corruption of herown Christian name, from Clementina (butnobody knew, for the deaf old mother, avery phenomenon of age, whom she hadsupported almost from a child, was dead,and she had no other relation); who nowbusied herself in preparing the table, andwho stood, at intervals, with her bare redarms crossed, rubbing her grazed elbowswith opposite hands, and staring at it verycomposedly, until she suddenly remem-bered something else she wanted, andjogged off to fetch it.‘Here are them two lawyers a-coming, Mis-ter!’ said Clemency, in a tone of no verygreat good-will.‘Ah!’ cried the Doctor, advancing to thegate to meet them. ‘Good morning, goodmorning! Grace, my dear! Marion! Here areMessrs. Snitchey and Craggs. Where’sAlfred!’‘He’ll be back directly, father, no doubt,’said Grace. ‘He had so much to do thismorning in his preparations for departure,that he was up and out by daybreak.Good morning, gentlemen.’‘Ladies!’ said Mr. Snitchey, ‘for Self andCraggs,’ who bowed, ‘good morning! Miss,’to Marion, ‘I kiss your hand.’ Which he did.‘And I wish you’ — which he might ormight not, for he didn’t look, at first sight,like a gentleman troubled with many warmoutpourings of soul, in behalf of otherpeople, ‘a hundred happy returns of thisauspicious day.’‘Ha ha ha!’ laughed the Doctor thoughtfully,with his hands in his pockets. ‘The greatfarce in a hundred acts!’

To Be Continued Next Week

warrant. Great character of mother, that,even in this shadow and faint reflection ofit, purifies the heart, and raises the exaltednature nearer to the angels!The Doctor’s reflections, as he looked af-ter them, and heard the purport of their dis-course, were limited at first to certain merrymeditations on the folly of all loves and lik-ings, and the idle imposition practised onthemselves by young people, who believedfor a moment, that there could be anythingserious in such bubbles, and were alwaysundeceived — always!But, the home-adorning, self-denying quali-ties of Grace, and her sweet temper, sogentle and retiring, yet including so muchconstancy and bravery of spirit, seemed allexpressed to him in the contrast betweenher quiet household figure and that of hisyounger and more beautiful child; and hewas sorry for her sake — sorry for themsorry for her sake — sorry for them both— that life should be such a very ridicu-lous business as it was.The Doctor never dreamed of inquiringwhether his children, or either of them,helped in any way to make the scheme aserious one. But then he was a Philosopher.A kind and generous man by nature, he hadstumbled, by chance, over that commonPhilosopher’s stone (much more easily dis-covered than the object of the alchemist’sresearches), which sometimes trips up kindand generous men, and has the fatal prop-erty of turning gold to dross and every pre-cious thing to poor account.‘Britain!’ cried the Doctor. ‘Britain!Holloa!’A small man, with an uncommonly sour anddiscontented face, emerged from the house,and returned to this call the unceremoniousacknowledgment of ‘Now then!’‘Where’s the breakfast table?’ said the Doc-tor.‘In the house,’ returned Britain.‘Are you going to spread it out here, as youwere told last night?’ said the Doctor. ‘Don’tyou know that there are gentlemen coming?That there’s business to be done this morn-ing, before the coach comes by? That thisis a very particular occasion?’

‘I couldn’t do anything, Dr. Jeddler, till thewomen had done getting in the apples,could I?’ said Britain, his voice rising withhis reasoning, so that it was very loud atlast.‘Well, have they done now?’ replied theDoctor, looking at his watch, and clappinghis hands. ‘Come! make haste! where’sClemency?’‘Here am I, Mister,’ said a voice from oneof the ladders, which a pair of clumsy feetdescended briskly. ‘It’s all done now. Clearaway, gals. Everything shall be ready foryou in half a minute, Mister.’With that she began to bustle about mostvigorously; presenting, as she did so, anappearance sufficiently peculiar to justifya word of introduction.She was about thirty years old, and had asufficiently plump and cheerful face, thoughit was twisted up into an odd expression oftightness that made it comical. But, the ex-traordinary homeliness of her gait and man-ner, would have superseded any face in theworld. To say that she had two left legs,and somebody else’s arms, and that all fourlimbs seemed to be out of joint, and to startfrom perfectly wrong places when they wereset in motion, is to offer the mildest out-line of the reality. To say that she was per-fectly content and satisfied with these ar-rangements, and regarded them as being nobusiness of hers, and that she took her armsand legs as they came, and allowed them todispose of themselves just as it happened,is to render faint justice to her equanimity.Her dress was a prodigious pair of self-willed shoes, that never wanted to go whereher feet went; blue stockings; a printedgown of many colours, and the most hid-eous pattern procurable for money; and awhite apron. She always wore short sleeves,and always had, by some accident, grazedelbows, in which she took so lively an in-terest, that she was continually trying to turnthem round and get impossible views ofthem. In general, a little cap placed some-where on her head; though it was rarely tobe met with in the place usually occupiedin other subjects, by that article of dress;but, from head to foot she was scrupulously

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decorated, with her own thrown back; ‘andMarion being in high spirits, and beginningto dance, I joined her. And so we danced toAlfred’s music till we were out of breath.And we thought the music all the gayer forbeing sent by Alfred. Didn’t we, dearMarion?’‘Oh, I don’t know, Grace. How you teaseme about Alfred.’‘Tease you by mentioning your lover?’ saidher sister.‘I am sure I don’t much care to have himmentioned,’ said the wilful beauty, strip-ping the petals from some flowers she held,and scattering them on the ground. ‘I amalmost tired of hearing of him; and as tohis being my lover — ’‘Hush! Don’t speak lightly of a true heart,which is all your own, Marion,’ cried hersister, ‘even in jest. There is not a truer heartthan Alfred’s in the world!’‘No-no,’ said Marion, raising her eyebrowswith a pleasant air of careless consideration,‘perhaps not. But I don’t know that there’sany great merit in that. I— I don’t want himto be so very true. I never asked him. If heexpects that I— But, dear Grace, why needwe talk of him at all, just now!’It was agreeable to see the graceful figuresof the blooming sisters, twined together, lin-gering among the trees, conversing thus,with earnestness opposed to lightness, yet,with love responding tenderly to love. Andit was very curious indeed to see theyounger sister’s eyes suffused with tears,and something fervently and deeply felt,breaking through the wilfulness of what shesaid, and striving with it painfully.The difference between them, in respect ofage, could not exceed four years at most;but Grace, as often happens in such cases,when no mother watches over both (theDoctor’s wife was dead), seemed, in hergentle care of her young sister, and in thesteadiness of her devotion to her, older thanshe was; and more removed, in course ofnature, from all competition with her, orparticipation, otherwise than through hersympathy and true affection, in her way-ward fancies, than their ages seemed to

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www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 5, 2014 - Page 31

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Latest Melbourne show business news - without fear or favour

Neighbours■ 6.30pm. Weeknights. Eleven■ Monday, February 10. Kate spirals out of con-trol; Toadie and Sonya's relationship may be in trouble;Callum tries to keep the puppy; Brennan can't let goof his inner detective, even in a new job.■ Tuesday, February 11. Josh's accident begins todivide the whole street; Kate is given a reality checkand things develop between Mason and Imogen.■ Wednesday, February 12. As the families con-tinue their war Josh struggles to remain positive withbad news all round. Elsewhere, Mason and Imogencontinue to keep their secret.■ Thursday, February 13. Joshua worries that hiscareer is over; Georgia makes a rash decision regard-ing her life; Callum plans a big surprise for ValentinesDay.■ Friday, February 14. Kyle is gutted when he learnsof Georgia's life plans; Kate and Brennan are forcedtogether, literally; Amber has mistaken Imogen'sValentine's gift as her own.

Home and Away■ 7pm. Weeknights. Seven■ Plotlines not to hand at press time.■ Thursday, February 13. Double Episode. S

The SpoilerFor Those Who Have Lost The Plot

Dreamsong

Desert, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way ToThe Forum), DreamSong is an irreverent and au-dacious comedy that investigates questions of faithand spirituality through a wickedly satirical de-piction of evangelical populist religion, politics andpopular culture and how all of these interweave,set to a pulsing score of Christian pop and soaringpower ballads.

The cast features Ben Prendergast (Red StitchActors Theatre, Predestination) as Pastor RichardSunday; Chelsea Gibb (Chicago, The King and I )as Whitney Sunday – the Pastor’s wife; EmilyLangridge (Gypsy, The Pirates of Penzance) asApril Sunday – the Pastor’s daughter; Brent Hill(The Producers, Rock of Ages) as Jesus Christ;and Connor Crawford (Jersey Boys) as Chris T ;as well as Evan Lever (Moonshadow), and AlanaTranter (Lone Wolves).

The story centres around an evangelical megachurch, DreamSong, and its Pastor, Richard Sun-day. The church has lost millions in the GlobalFinancial Crisis and Pastor Sunday decides to stagethe second coming of Christ and market him as aChristian pop star, as a way through their moneyproblems.

DreamSong was first work-shopped and devel-oped at the VCA in 2010 with a cast of 30. It hasbeen further workshopped, rewritten with a reducedcast of eight, and in 2012 performed a two-weekdevelopment workshop followed by a four-nightpresentation at The Arts Centre Melbourne to over-whelming audience response.

DreamSong is a satirical look at how the hu-man desire to believe in something makes us vul-nerable to manipulation and corruption.

Venue: Theatre Works, St Kilda (14 Acland St,St Kilda)

Dates: April 10-20l (not Mondays), Preview:April 10

Tickets: $35 Full, $30 Conc, $25 PreviewTimes: Tuesday - Saturday 7.30pm, Sat mat 2pm,

Sun 5pmBookings: 9534 3388, www.theatreworks.org.au

‘Oklahoma’ by PLOS■ PLOS Musical Productions’ presented a terrificproduction of Oklahoma! at the Frankston ArtsCentre.

Composer Richard Rodgers and librettist OscarHammerstein II’s first collaborative musical basedon the 1931 play Green Grows The Lilacs, by LynnRiggs, is set in Oklahoma Territory in 1906, a yearprior to Oklahoma’s official statehood.

Seventy years after Oklahoma!’s first Broad-way performance in 1943, director DavidCrawshaw and his creative team skilfully craftedthe endearingly basic, sometimes slow, storylineinto a crowd-pleaser that enchanted modern-dayaudiences of mixed ages

Nostalgic songs, such as Oh What a BeautifulMornin’ and People Will Say We’re In Love, weresplendidly rendered by musical director JohnClancy’s orchestra , and complimented beautifullyby Steven Rostron’s visually interesting, well-re-hearsed choreography.

Scenography by John Burrett, Brenton Staplesand John Shelbourn was strikingly effective, withadditional mood and atmosphere created by BradAlcock’s lighting, Marcello Lo Ricco’s sound, andBrett Wingfield’s costume designs.

Matthew Clayton, with his superb singing voiceand youthful, charismatic good looks, was per-fectly cast as cowboy Curly, making the ideal ro-mantic match for delightful Tara Kabalan as farmgirl, Laurey.

Turn To Page 49

●●●●● Dean Bryant

■ New satirical Austra-lian musical Dream-Song will open for a 10-day season at TheatreWorks, St Kilda, fromApril 10-20.

Written by HugoChiarella and RobertTripolino, directed byDean Bryant (Pirates ofPenzance, Next To Nor-mal, The Producers),with choreography byAndrew Hallsworth(Priscilla Queen of the

A Play, A Pie and A Pot■ A Play, A Pie And A Pot will make its debut onMonday (Feb. 10) at 7.30pm for 8.00pm start atthe St Andrews Hotel, Cnr. Kangaroo Ground andSt Andrews Rds.

The hilarious new Australian comedy, Arctic Fe-ver, set in the frozen arctic during an ill-fated ex-pedition, is written by Seaton Kay-Smith.

Theatre 451 is presenting a series of new, un-published works designed to be performed in non-traditional spaces to promote and encourage locallive theatre in Melbourne.

With support from Nillumbik Shire Council, one-act scripts have been sourced from authors aroundAustralia to be performed at selected venues dur-ing the second week of each month from Februaryto September. A Play, A Pie And A Pot is designed to bringlive theatre to a new audience in an accessible,relaxed atmosphere, while providing a platformto recognise and celebrate the works of emergingauthors, using local actors and directors.

Nine scripts have been selected from the manysubmissions received from across Australia, cho-sen for their relevance, suitability and duration.Each performance will be around 45 minutes, withthe event concluding in under 90 minutes.

The price of $20 admission includes a gourmetpie offering (gluten-free and vegetarian alterna-tives also available) and a drink of choice.

A Q and A session will follow afterwards withthe director, performers and, if possible, the play-wright.

For further information and live updates, visitwww.theatre451.com

Bookings and ticket sales: email info@theatre451.com

- Cheryl Threadgold

■ The atmospheric But-terfly Club in its new citylocation was the venuefor Susie McCann’s lat-est season of her Janeenfrom Clarinda cabaret.

With delicate, blonde,doll-like good-looks,sanitation engineerJaneen appears wearingblack satin vest andshorts, thigh lengthblack stockings andbright pink, rubbercleaning gloves.

When Janeen startsbelting out SusieMcCann’s lyrics, wesoon realise this is onemighty powerful vocal-ist, who plays her audi-ence exceptionally well. Eco-friendly Janeentalks endearingly abouther home suburb,Clarinda, her originalsongs include BogansAre People Too, and ALittle Place (CalledClarinda) and we areentertained by stories ofher cleaning mansions inToorak and dating ad-ventures from the ‘InterWeb’.

Pianist and music co-collaborator DavidPeake provides firstclass accompaniment,

●●●●● Janeen from Clarinda (Susie McCann)chocolate addict Janeeneven sings us through anon-screen chocolatejourney, and there’s au-dience participation, too.

Hopefully folk fromClarinda will takeJaneen’s satire on theirsuburb in good humour– it did, after all, workfor Dame Edna andMoonee Ponds residents.

However, some maydispute Janeen’s broadstrine accent and over-use of the ‘F’ word, whichgets in the way of an oth-erwise intelligently pre-sented show.

Behind Janeen ishighly talented writer,

musician and performer,Susie McCann.

Janeen is fun, but oneday if she elopes with theman of her dreams, hope-fully elegant SusieMcCann herself will takethe spotlight to presenther own show and megamusical theatre talents.

Janeen FromClarinda can be seen atClub Voltaire, NorthMelbourne, on Saturday(Feb. 8).

Susie McCann cur-rently performs with theGreek and Italian wed-ding band Strofes, andcover band Revolution.

- Cheryl Threadgold

■ Where in the city can you find easyparking, choice of seating arrange-ments, all with good viewing prospects,and plenty of laughs?

The answer is via Observatory Gateat the Royal Botanical Gardens to watchthe 25th annual Glen Elston outdoorsproduction Shakespeare’s A Midsum-mer Night’s Dream.

The energy of this show is magicaland the magic in the story works suc-cessfully because of the energy of allthe actors – and this on a 44 degreeday!

The play is a complex story of loveand Glen Elston’s direction shootsstraight at the mayhem and chaoscaused by mix up.

All of the actors have great physi-cality and the addition of Lian De Jongand Tamika Ball as acrobatic fairiesreally adds dimension to the frenzy ofactivity.

Dialogue is very clear, parody isstrong, and a modern prologue im-mediately sets the laughs.

Paul Norton’s musical compositionsunderline the whole show brilliantly,

particularly the magic.Shayne Davitt’s sound synchroni-

zation with acting was indeed magic -particularly with Charlie Sturgeon’sOberon and Arky Elston’s Puck.

Rarely have I seen a show where thecostumes worked better. Jess Bosnic’sdesigns captured fantasy, trade andcourt with symbol and colour.

But the highlight is the set – theGardens themselves, lit to perfectionby Peter Amesbury in moods of magicand occasional slight menace.

When the wind whipped the hazearound it was a miniature Hollywoodblockbuster!

Suitable for all the family, take yourseats (or pay $5), prepare for all weath-ers– we had heat, then wind and rain,and have a picnic. Gates open 7.30 for8.30 start.

Until April 20.Tickets from $25. The Australian

Shakespeare CompanyBookings: 1300 122 344 or

shakespeareaustralia.com.au orTicketmaster

- Maggie Morrison

●●●●● Mustard Seed (Mia Landgren) and Puck (Arky Elston) in A Midsum-mer Night’s Dream in the Royal Botanical Gardens.

Passing of Bill Lyon■ We regret to advise of the passing of Mr Will-iam Alexander Lyon on Friday (Jan. 31) at theEpworth Freemasons Hospital, East Melbourne.

Bill was a former School Captain (1949) ofIvanhoe Grammar School, a talented athlete andmusician, and a member of the teaching staff formore than quarter of a century. A Memorial Ser-vice will be held at the School Chapel at 4pm Fri.

More complaints■ Amongst the complaintsagainst Telstra this issue, are from:■ Angela, who says: “Whyshould I pay for service I don’tget?”■ Craig, who has spoken to ninedifferent Telstra staff members.None could fix his problem.■ Ryan, who was still waiting forhis phone service to be recconnectedafter a delay of four days.

Channel missing

Them’s the rules

Not 24/7 Could not help

Got a complaint about

Telstra? E-mail to editor@

localmedia.com.au

PO Box 1278, Research 3095

The Truth About TelstraSend your contribution to editor@localmediacom.au

Spoken with 9different people

Refuses to pay

These are all real stories. Customer ‘feedback’ sourced from Telstra’s 24/7 page on Facebook

●●●●● ‘The Truth About Telstra’

is a section where we hold

the national communica-

tions company to account.

Australians are sick and

tired of breakdowns, and a

poor service attitude.

We send a copy to David

Thodey, CEO of Telstra,

Locked Bag 5639,

Melbourne, Vic 3001. We in-

vite Mr Thodey and his staff

to comment on, and fix, the

complaints of customers.

Page 32 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, February 5, 2014 www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

■ Christy Culton, near Mel-bourne, complains that Telstra’sservice was not 24/7, but

“It (is) a lovely theory to be here24/7, but I have never actually beenable to receive assistance withouthaving to call during the hours of 8amto 6pm ... So what is the point?\ “Tonight is the third time this hashappened ... get transferred threetimes, explain whole situation to betold 15 minutes into the call that ...guess what ... I have to call back be-tween 8am and 6pm.”■ Telstra consultant Renee re-plied: “Heya Christy, That's disap-pointing ... if there is a specific con-cern being handled by a team that isonly available between those hours,this should have been explained toyou, I do apologise.”

Extra bill for $500

■ Joshua Partridge says he wastold there was nothing that could bedone to fix his ADSL service:“’We're here to answer your ques-tions and provide support 24x7. Weaim to respond within the hour’. Hahawhat a joke, support!”■ “I’ve been on the phone with youguys and just hung up on so whyshould I (bother)? No one won’t todo any thing to help me.”■ Asked by Telstra rep Lindy ifhe had made a complaint, Joshuareplied that he had a log “the size ofthe Holy Bible” with the number ofcomplaints he had made to Telstra.

No net for 4 days

■ Jo Sowden said: “We are stillexperiencing no internet access at ourbusiness at Kunda Park, Queens-land. It has been four days now. Whencan we expect our internet to be avail-able? “■ Telstra rep Lindy acknowl-edged there was a problem: "HeyaJo. There is an active fault withinthe area, it appears to be suspectedhardware failure. There is currentlyno ETA, however we are working asquickly as we to restore services. Myapologies for any inconvenience thismay be causing.”

Channel goes

■ Angela Prendergast reck-ons the best way to get Telstra’sattention is to refuse to pay heraccount. She wrote this letter:

“Dear Telstra,“As a loyal costumer of over

13 years I have decided that theonly way I will get your attentionis to not pay my internet bill.

“I am more than happy to payfor my mobile services but overthe past three months I have hadnothing but trouble with myinternet.

“I've been told that the ‘backof house’ are looking into yet noth-ing gets done.

“I have a new modem as I evenupgraded my plan to 200gb from100gb yet your email online noti-fications tells me I only have100gb.

“I find that strange yet I getcharged for 200gb. I try to checkmy usage but am able to either canyou as maintenance is happeningjust for a few days I get told. Funnything is you stated that two monthsago.

“Your few days aren't just afew days. Somehow I go though100gb in just a week, it's just notpossible when I've never had thishappen before ever in the pastseven years of living where I live.

“So I would just like to let youknow that the $247.45 that youthink I owe will not be paid underany circumstance.”■ Telstra staffer Lindy saidshe was surprised Angela had notbeen contacted swiftly: “Youhaven't been contacted by themAngela? That's really weird, theyare generally quick to contact. Didyou receive a reference numberfrom the form when you submit-ted it?” (Angela provided a ref-erence number)■ Angela repeated her refusalto pay. Telstra replied: “That isup to you Angela. Can you sendus some details so I can get some-one from our Social Media Techteam to contact you to investigatewhat's happening and work withyou on a resolution?”

Waiting for parts■ Telstra was waiting for partsto resume phone services to a sub-urb.

Ryan Warhurst asked:“What is going on in 4124? I stilldont have a dial tone on the phone.It’s been 24 hours. And my internet(cable) is dropping in and out.”■ Dan from Telstra replied:“There is a known issue withhome phone services in the areathat initial investigation reveals apiece of hardware is faulty andneeds replacing, we are waitingfor parts.

“The Cable service is on acompletely different network so itis highly unlikely that an issue withone will affect the other.”

■ Craig McGown complains:“I have spent 2.5 hours total andthree calls to Telstra over thepast two days and have not hadany satisfactory answers.

“The NBN was supposed tobe installed at my place but thetechnician ran into trouble run-ning the fibre to the house.

“As it was due to be installedour ADSL connection was deac-tivated.

“No-one in technical supportseems to know how to fix this is-sue and have not been given anestimation of when it might befixed.

“We have been without aninternet connection for 2.5 days Ihave now spoken to nine differ-ent people at Telstra and still nocloser to solving the issue.■ Renee from Telstra replied:“Heya Craig, That's definitelyno good and I do apologise for theexperience you have had in get-ting NBN installed at your home.

“Appreciating you have beenin contact with us a number oftimes, I'm keen to get this esca-lated for you as soon as possible.

“If you could please sendthrough your details, includingyour date of birth, via www.telstra.com/24x7help, I'll es-calate this further with our NBNComplaints Team.”

■ Sharon Jackson complains: “Ihave a TBox and get Foxtel throughit.

“I have just finished talking toFoxtel because i cannot get TVHits (which was supposed to be re-placing TV1).

“They say i have to talk to youguys about it ... so does this mean iam no longer able to get Channel101 in my subscription package?

“Because basically that is the onlychannelUi watch out of the package.not going to waste my money on aservice I dont use ... not happy.”■ Joe from Telstra replied: “We'reaware that there is currently an issuewith some customers not getting theTV Hits channel during the changeover. This is currently being investi-gated and fixes are being imple-mented.”

■ Kelly Davis tells of a channelmissing from her Foxtel service. “ Iam subscribed to Foxtel throughTelstra and I am paying for a bundlethat includes SF.

“As expected, the SF channel hasgone, but I do not have access to thereplacement, SyFy. How do I fixthat? SciFi is my only reason for sub-scribing.”■ Cas from Telstra replied: “We'rein the process of switching over. Weexpect all members should be ableto view the new channel within 24hours however try rebooting your T-Box now as it may appear after arefresh, or you can also try resettingyour subscription licence within thesettings as this has been helping insome cases to activate the new chan-nel for some members.”

Lousy service■ Deborah Gillespie complains:“Seriously Telstra? When are yougoing to be a reliable supplier to busi-ness in the Shoalhaven region andmaintain an infrastructure that cancope with the influx of visitors thatarrive here every summer holidayperiod?

“You have locked me into a con-tract in which you have agreed to sup-ply a stable mobile and internet ser-vice, but every year at this time andfor the next four weeks you will de-liver a slow and patchy service, andone that is non existent for large por-tions of the day.

“Trying to deliver work over yourreally poor network is a major exer-cise in stress management.■ Dan from Telstra replied:“While we do make every effort toensure that we are providing the ser-vice that our customers need and ex-pect, it is not always possible espe-cially in locations where large num-bers of customers congregate forshort periods.

“This is especially the case inpopular holiday locations or nearsporting events.”

■ Paul Frost copped an extra billfor almost $500 when his internetusage went over a limit. He said:“Why can't Telstra have an agreedautomatic increase in mobile dataallowance?

“I went over my limit in a busyperiod and was charged an additional~$500 for what normally costs ~$90.Talk about price gouging! Particu-larly when you pay in excess of $500month, no customer loyalty here!”■ Telstra staffer Dan replied: “Ican certainly pass on the suggestion.When a customer exceeds their us-age allowance I always suggest theyspeak to billing prior to a bill beingissued to arrange a data pack. Wecan also often waive charges, how-ever that would depend on the par-ticular circumstances.

“Your reply has been deleted asit contained content that may be con-sidered offensive to other members.

“I am unsure what the require-ments are to organise a rebate forbusiness customers, however I wouldsuggest raising the matter with youraccounts manager again if you havereceived an unsatisfactory response.”

■ Carl Fenton asked: “I had tochange my internet plan two weeksago when I unexpectedly went intohospital.

“I’m still in hospital and trying tochange my plan back up as my datalimits been reached.

Tried to ido t and it told (me) Icant change twice in a month. Isthere anything I can do or am I nowwithout internet for two weeks?”■ Cas from Telstra replied: “HiCarl, I apologise you're unable tochange your broadband plan twice inthe same billing period, there's noway around that I'm sorry.

“Once your new billing periodstarts you can change it again. I hopeyou get well soon.”■ Customer Claire Louise Tho-mas commented: “It's a shame thatcompanies can't change their ownself-imposed 'rules' in special cir-cumstances.”

Service is worse■ Sarah Tokley said: hitelstra since 4G was rolled outin my area (3754) my phonehas no signal most the time.It can’t get internet, can’t sendmessages or make calls. I’mmore than frustrated as I’mpaying alot for our service aswe also have internet, Foxtel,two mobiles and home phoneyet my mobile I cant use mostthe time now. I’m wonderingwhat the next step is to takeas I’ve had a sim swap, hadthe techs look at my phone,had the settings all adjustedand yet now I have even worseservice. I drop out of calls allthe time. This is really bad aswe often call ambulances.”