Broadway Revue Misfits: The Musical By Katie Ribant

Featuring music from the following productions: Annie Les Miserables Cats South Pacific Into the Woods Aida Singing in the Rain Next to Normal The Wizard of Oz Tick Tick... Boom Urinetown Shrek: The Musical Annie Get Your Gun The Fiddler on the Roof Chicago 13 Wicked The Producers

Cast of Characters Katie Ribant: Brigit Carmody: Ayu Lockos: Liz Drollinger: Daisy Hudspeth: Kyra McArthur: Garrett Bell: Narrator Stage Manager Young Cosette- Les Miserables Grizabella- Cats Nellie- South Pacific Nurse- South Pacific Cinderellas (Nellies) Prince- Into the Woods/Frank Butler- Annie Get Your Gun Rapunzels (Fionas Prince)Into the Woods Don Lockwood- Singing in the Rain Gabe- Next to Normal/ Witch Wicked Munchkin- The Wizard of Oz Penelope Pennywise- Urinetown Adult Fiona- Shrek: The Musical Teenage Fiona- Shrek: The Musical Child Fiona- Shrek: The Musical/ Patrice- 13 Hodel- Fiddler on the Roof Chava- Fiddler on the Roof (MORE)

Max Farver: Spencer Milford: Sean Kaelble: Charlie Sears: Abigail Oldham: Hannah Lieb: Katy Nappier: Sarah Addison: Kelsey Young: Bridget Voda:

Cast of Characters (contd) Megan OBrien: Duncan Kinzie: Helen George: Tzeitel- Fiddler on the Roof Amos Hart- Chicago Annie Oakley- Annie Get Your Gun

2. ACT I Scene 1 NARRATOR: "Good evening everyone and welcome to our shows opening night here on Broadway. Im the producer/director/ playwright/pretty-much-everything for this show. This will be like nothing youve ever seen before. Weve got an all-star cast who is ready to-" (Stage Manager urgently rushes out onstage over to NARRATOR and whispers something to her) NARRATOR: "Ladies and Gentleman, it seems like we are having some slight technical issues, but uh, if you could just please remain in your seats Im sure well be able to start the show here momentarily. But in the meantime, I suppose I could give you a little background on the show youre about to see. Have you ever wondered what happens to a show after its run ends on Broadway? Im sure some of you may have thought that the magic ends there. Well, Ill let you in on a little secret. The characters from your favorite Broadway shows? When their show comes to a close on Broadway, they are "deported", so to speak. To a place that we in show business call, "Misfit Island". So all of these characters live on the island until their show gets chosen to be revived again back on the big stage. Now once a year, a big shot casting director from New York City travels to the island and holds auditions in order to pick which show theyll bring back. This past year I was lucky enough to visit the island and be a part of the selection process. And Ill tell ya, it was sure not what I expected-" (Stage Manager comes out from behind curtain again. Flustered nonverbal communication between Stage Manager and NARRATOR. Stage Manager notions to the NARRATOR to stay put and keep stalling and runs backstage). NARRATOR: "Just a few more minutes, ladies and gentleman, Im sure. But, where was I? Oh yes, my trip to the Island. At the time I was the assistant to the executive casting director who holds the auditions for the characters. Well, my boss sent me down there ahead of him, so I could scout out the characters first and get them ready for the auditions. It was my big break as a director, a chance to prove I was serious about this business. But, you dont want to hear about me or my career. Im sure youre just interested in hearing what show we ended up choosing. Now thats an even more interesting story..." (Cut Spotlight. NARRATOR exits. Curtain opens. Scene: Island of Misfits.) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 1. HARD KNOCK LIFE- Annie (1:30)

3.

[ORPHANS] Its the hard-knock life for us! Its the hard-knock life for us! [ANNIE] Steada callbacks, [ORPHANS] were not picked! [ANNIE] Steada applause, [ORPHANS] We get kicked! [ALL] Its the hard-knock life! Got no Roles to speak of, so, Its the hard-knock row we hoe! [ANNIE] raggy costumes, [ORPHANS] Stead of new! [ANNIE] One Show-a-day [ORPHANS] Stead of two! [ALL] Its the hard-knock life! [ANNIE] Dont it feel like the wind is always howln? [KATE AND TESSIE] Dont it seem like theres never any light! [DUFFY AND JULY] Once a day, dont you wanna throw the towel in? [MOLLY AND PEPPER] Its easier than puttin up a fight. [ANNIE] No ones there when your dreams at night get creepy! No one cares if you grow...of if you shrink! No one dries when your eyes get wet an weepy!

(CONTINUED)

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4.

[ALL] From all the cryin you would think this place would sink! Ohhhh!!!!!!! Empty belly life! Rotten smelly life! Full of sorrow life! No tomorrow life! [MOLLY] Tonys we never see [ANNIE] Tonys, whats that? Whos he? [ALL] No one cares for you a bit When youre a MI-IS-FIT [ALL] Its the hard-knock life! (NARRATOR applauds) NARRATOR: "Wow, they werent kidding when they said "Misfit" Island..." MISFIT 1: "Ahemm.. And who are you?" NARRATOR: "Oh excuse me, Im the casting directors assistant. He sent me down here a few days early to prep you all for the auditions. And it looks like youre going to need a lot of work. Dont worry, Ill be holding an audition workshop tomorrow for all the ladies. Now do you think one of you could possibly show me to my, ummm, hut?" (All look at each other irritated by her condescending tone. None volunteer eagerly but the group acquiesces and escorts her offstage in the direction of the village) (Young Cosette stays onstage and is playing with a bucket and shovel in the sand. Grizabella is watching secretly from behind). 2. Castle on a Cloud (1:33) YOUNG COSETTE There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my sleep, Arent any floors for me to sweep, Not in my castle on a cloud. There is a room thats full of toys, There are a hundred boys and girls, Nobody shouts or talks too loud, Not in my castle on a cloud. (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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5.

[ALL] (contd) There is a lady all in white, Holds me and sings a lullaby, Shes nice to see and shes soft to touch, She says "Cosette, I love you very much." I know a place where no ones lost, I know a place where no one cries, Crying at all is not allowed, Not in my castle on a cloud. (YOUNG COSETTE exits) GRIZABELLA- "OH, to be young and beautiful..." 3. Memory (3:43) Midnight Not a sound from the pavement Has the moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone In the lamplight The withered leaves collect at my feet And the wind begins to moan Memory All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again Every streetlamp Seems to beat a fatalistic warning Someone mutters And the streetlamp gutters And soon it will be morning Daylight I must wait for the sunrise I must think of a new life And I mustnt give in When the dawn comes Tonight will be a memory too And a new day will begin Burnt out ends of smoky days The stale cold smell of morning The streetlamp dies, another night is over Another day is dawning Touch me Its so easy to leave me All alone with the memory Of my days in the sun If you touch me Youll understand what happiness is Look A new day has begun (GRIZABELLA exits) (NELLIE and NURSE enter) NURSE: "Im telling you, Nellie, if a prince were pursuing me, I wouldnt be trying to run from him!" NELLIE:"I know. And I do like him, but Ive also heard he has a reputation, and I dont want to be just another dame he woos." (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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6.

[ALL] (contd) NURSE:"Well what are you going to do?" 4. Im Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My HairSouth Pacific (2:57) Nellie: Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, And send him on his way. Im gonna wave that man right outta my arms, Nellie and Girls: Im gonna wave that man right outta my arms, Im gonna wave that man right outta my arms, And send him on his way. Dont try to patch it up Girls: Tear it up, tear it up! Nellie: Wash him out, dry him out, Girls: Push him out, fly him out, Nellie: Cancel him and let him go! Girls: Yea, sister! Nellie: Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, And send him on his way. If a man dont understand you, If you fly on separate beams, Waste no time, make a change, Ride that man right off your range. Rub him out of the roll call And drum him out of your dreams. Girls: Oho! If you laugh at different comics, If you root for different teams, Waste no time, weep no more, Show him what the door is for. Rub him out of the roll call And drum him out of your dreams. Nellie: You cant light a fire when the woods are wet, Girls: No! Nellie: You cant make a butterfly strong, Girls: Hmm, hmm! (CONTINUED)

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7.

Nellie: You cant fix an egg when it aint quite good, Girls: And you cant fix a man when hes wrong! Nellie: You cant put back a petal when it falls from a flower, Or sweeten up a fellow when he starts turnin sour Girls: Oh no! Oh no! Nellie and Girls: If his eyes get dull and fishy, When you look for glints and gleams, Waste no time, Make a switch, Drop him in the nearest ditch! Rub him out of the roll call, And drum him out of your dreams Oho! Oho! Nellie: I went to wash that man right outta my hair, I went to wash that man right outta my hair, I went to wash that man right outta my hair, And sent him on his way. Girls: She went to wash that man right outta my hair, She went to wash that man right outta my hair, She went to wash that man right outta my hair, Nellie and Nurse: And send him on his way! (NELLIE and NURSE exit) (enter PRINCES) NELLIES PRINCE: "Just missed her again!" FIONAS PRINCE: "That girl again? Brother, forget about her. You could have any other maiden on this island that you wanted! Shes obviously not interested if shes avoiding you" NELLIES PRINCE:"I just dont understand" 5. Agony- Into the Woods (2:28) [NELLIES PRINCE] Did I abuse her Or show her disdain? Why does she run from me? If I should lose her, How shall I regain The heart she has won from me? Agony! Beyond power of speech, When the one thing you want Is the only thing out of your reach.

(CONTINUED)

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8.

[FIONAS PRINCE] High in her tower, She sits by the hour, Maintaining her hair. Blithe and becoming and frequently humming A lighthearted air: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahAgony! Far more painful than yours, When you know she would go with you If there only were doors. [BOTH] Agony! Oh, the torture they teach! [FIONAS PRINCE] Whats as intriguing[NELLIES PRINCE] Or half so fatiguing[BOTH] As whats out of reach? [NELLIES PRINCE] Am I not sensitive, Clever, Well-mannered, Considerate, Passionate, Charming, As kind as Im handsome And heir to a throne? [FIONAS PRINCE] You are everything maidens could wish for! [NELLIES PRINCE] Then why no-? [FIONAS PRINCE] Do I know? [NELLIES PRINCE] The girl must be mad! [FIONAS PRINCE] You know nothing of madness Till youre climbing her hair And you see her up there AS youre nearing her, All the while hearing her: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah[BOTH] Agony! [NELLIES PRINCE] Misery! [FIONAS PRINCE] Woe!

(CONTINUED)

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9.

[BOTH] Though its different for each. [NELLIES PRINCE] Always ten steps behind[FIONAS PRINCE] Always ten feet below[BOTH] And shes just out of reach. Agony That can cut like a knife! I must have her to wife. (NELLIES PRINCE and FIONAS PRINCE exit) (Enter NARRATOR with GIRLS ENSEMBLE) NARRATOR: "Alright ladies. Now for auditions tomorrow, the director is expecting nothing but the best. Youll want to give it your best, perform at your best, but most importantly, dress your best." MISFIT 2: "Dress our best? But these raggedy costumes are all that we have" NARRATOR: "Well make it work for you then. Listen..." 6. My Strongest Suit- Aida (3:40) NARRATOR: In Theatre, one has to face much rejection, of desired leading roles, and chorus parts. Theres singing, acting, improv, and dancing, and other various skills in performing arts. Networking? Talent? I am a doubter. Manners? Charm? Theyre no way to impress. So forget the inner me, observe the outer. I am what I where and how I dress. Oh now I believe in looking Like my time on earth is cooking Whether polka dotted Striped or even checked With the some glamor guaranteeing Every fiber on of my being Is displayed to quite remarkable effect (Ah) From your cradle via trousseau (Ah) To your deathbed youre on view, (Ah) So never compromise, accept no substitute (Ah) I would rather wear a barrel (Ah) Than conservative apparel

(CONTINUED)

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10.

(Ah) For my dress has always been (Ah) My strongest suit NARRATOR: (add lib) "Now show me what you got!" (Ah Overwear Underwear Anytime Anywhere) Staying in or hitting town wards (Ooh ooh ooh ah) From the top and working downwards (Ooh ooh ooh ah) I ensure that every stitch (Ooh ooh ooh ah) Is stitched in time Whether wig or hat or turban (Is stitched in time) Whether clad boudoir or urban (Ooh ooh ooh ah) Not to strut your stuff (Ooh ooh ooh ah) Outrageously is a crime (Ooh ooh ooh ah Such a crime) And the few who are invited (Oooh overwear) To my wardrobe are delighted (Oooh underwear) As they wander through my things (Oooh anytime) To find en route (Were wandering through your things Oo) That in negligee or formal (Ooh formal formal Oo) I am anything but normal (normal normal Ooh ah) For my dress has always been My strongest suit (Overwear, underwear, Anytime, anywhere Overwear, underwear I am what I wear (Anytime, anywhere) I said anytime (Overwear, underwear Anytime, anywhere Overwear,underwear, anytime) Anywhere So bring me all my finest (Finest) Most audacious, my divinest (Divinest) Most revealing most expensive and to boot (Most revealing Most expensive Most arresting) Most arresting (Most heart-stopping) Most heart stopping Most free-flowing Most eye-popping Most arresting Most heart-stopping yeah. (Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

Dress has always been My strongest suit (Dress has always been) (I am what I wear) My Strongest Suit (I am what I wear) You know that I am what I wear (I am what I wear) Dress has always been My strongest Suit (Dress has always been My strongest suit) NARRATOR: "Great job girls! Now lets run it again!" (Loud thunderclaps) NARRATOR: "On second thought, I think we better wrap this up. Looks like a big storms coming in. But meet by the dock bright and early tomorrow morning for the auditions!" (Loud thunderclap) 8. Singing in the Rain- Singing in the Rain (4:00) Don Lockwood: Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo... Im singing in the rain Just singing in the rain What a glorious feelin Im happy again Im laughing at clouds So dark up above The suns in my heart And Im ready for love Let the stormy clouds chase Everyone from the place Come on with the rain Ive a smile on my face I walk down the lane With a happy refrain Just singin, Singin in the rain Dancin in the rain Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah Im happy again! Im singin and dancin in the rain! Im dancin and singin in the rain... [ADDITIONAL VERSE] Why am I smiling And why do I sing? Why does September Seem sunny as spring? Why do I get up Each morning and start? Happy and head up With joy in my heart Why is each new task A trifle to do? Because I am living A life full of you. (Don exits) (Effects for storm: thunder clap, flashing lights for lightning) (After the storm has died, all the characters slowly and cautiously walk (CONTINUED)

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12. out and gather by the pier. They look concerned and scared, and look around to make sure their friends are all still there and alive.)

NARRATOR: (rushes on after everyone else) "Hey is everyone alright? Everyone here?" MISFIT 3: "I think so" Misfit 4: "Wait! Wheres Gabe?" Narrator: "Who?" Misfit 5: "The guy from Next to Normal. Last time I saw him he was down at the dock" Misfit 6: "Oh no! But during the storm, lighting hit a palm tree and it fell on the dock and crushed it!" MISFIT 7: "So is he... dead?" (Hear the first two verses sung from offstage and everyone looks around to see where the voice is coming from. He appears on the edge of the dock when he begins to sing the chorus) Im Alive: Next to Normal (3:13) I am what you want me to be And Im your worst fear, youll find it in me Come closer Come closer I am more than memory, I am what might be I am mystery You know me So show me When I appear its not so clear if Im a simple spirit or Im flesh and blood But Im alive, Im alive, I am so alive And I feed on the fear thats behind your eyes And I need you to need me, its no surprise Im alive, so alive Im alive. I am flame and I am fire I am destruction, decay, and desire Ill hurt you Ill heal you Im your wish, your dream come true And I am your darkest nightmare too Ive shown you I own you And though you made me, you cant change me Im the perfect stranger who knows you too well But Im alive, Im alive I am so alive And Ill tell you the truth if you let me try. Youre alive, Im alive, and Ill show you why Im alive, so live (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

Im alive Im right behind you. You say forget but Ill remind you. You can try to hide but you know that I will find you. Cause if you wont grieve me, you wont leave me behind. Oh, how, oh Woah Woah No, you try Im Im no, no Im alive, Im alive, I am so alive. If climb on my back then we both can fly If you to deny me, Ill never die Im alive, so alive alive Yeah yeah Im alive Im alive Im alive alive

(All misfits rejoice) MISFIT 8:"Gabe! Were so glad youre safe!" GABE: "Pshh nothings going to stop me from doing that audition tomorrow! Not even a little rain!" (all Misfits turn to look at Narrator) MISFIT 9: "We ARE having the auditions still tomorrow right?" NARRATOR: (says timidly). "Well of course, the show must go on, as they say... but I need to make a phone call, so, uh, you all just go back to prepping your songs! Excuse me" (NARRATOR runs off) (All Misfits chat and gradually leave stage too, except for Munchkin and Young Cosette) YOUNG COSETTE:"Hey whats wrong?" MUNCHKIN: "The storm ruined everything and all they can think about is that dumb audition! The pier, the hammock, our sandbox, everythings gone! And now we have nothing!" YOUNG COSETTE: "Forget them. At least we still have each other" MUNCHKIN: "Well yeah. I just wish the two of us could get out of this place" YOUNG COSETTE: "Where would we go? New York?" MUNCHKIN: "No! There!" YOUNG COSETTE: "where?" MUNCHKIN: "Over the rainbow!" (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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14.

NARRATOR: (contd) 9. Over the Rainbow- Wizard of Oz Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high. Theres a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby. Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true. Someday Ill wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops. Thats where youll find me. Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, Why then - oh, why cant I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, Why, oh, why cant I? (Young Cosette smiles and takes his hand and the two skip offstage) (Meanwhile, the NARRATOR is pacing back and forth talking on cellphone) NARRATOR:"Hello? Hello? Look my connections not that good. There was a terrible storm tonight and the place is just a mess... With the dock damaged, no boats can come through... Yeah I know auditions are supposed to be tomorrow, but I dont think the dock will be repaired anytime soon... Well I dont know, but theres no way youre going to be able to get out here by tomorrow... Well what do you want me to do, select the show myself?... Wait, you do? But sir, I cant, I... hello? Sir?" (Phone Connection lost) NARRATOR: "Pick a show myself? No, I cant, thats not my decision thats... but this could be my big break as a director, my one shot. But what if I blow it? What if I pick a show and it ends up being a total train wreck, like Spider-Man? Oh, come to your senses, youve got a job to do. But these characters, theyre all so talented, but more than that, theyre all good people. How do I choose just one?" 10. Come to Your Senses- Tick Tick...BOOM! (4:26) (NARRATOR) Youre on the air, Im underground Signals fading, Cant be found I finally open up For you I would do anything But youve turned off the volume Just when Ive begun to sing Come to your senses Defenses are not the way to go And you know, Or at least you knew (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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15.

(NARRATOR) (contd) Everythings strange, Youve changed and I dont know what to do To get through I dont know what to do I have to laugh We sure put on a show Love is passe in this day and age How can we expect it to grow? You as the knight Me as the queen All Ive got tonight Is static on a screen Come to your senses The fences inside are not for real If we feel as we did, and I do Cant you recall When this all began It was only you and me It was only me and you But now the air is filled with confusion Weve replaced care with illusion Its cool to be cold Nothing lasts anymore Love becomes disposable This is the shape of things We cannot ignore Come to your senses Suspense is fine If youre just an empty image Emanating out of a screen Baby be real, You can feel again You dont need a music box melody To know what I mean Deep in my eyes, What do you see Deep in my sighs, Listen to me Let the music commence from inside Not only one sense, but use all five Come to your senses Come to your senses Come to your senses Katie come back alive (Curtain closes) PENNY-Hey now, everybody, hold on here just a minute. It has been a privilege to perform for this audience tonight, and yes I know its intermission, and youve all got some "business" to take care of, But here on Broadway we do things a little differently. If you would so kindly give our show a small donation on your way to the restroom that would be greatly appreciated. But if you dont? Then I hope you can hold it for another half hour because here, its a privilege to pee. 11. Privilege to Pee- Urinetown (1:40)

(CONTINUED)

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16.

"Times are hard" "Our cash is tight" "Youve got no right" Ive heard it all before "Just this once" Is once too much Cause once theyve onced Theyll want to once once more I run the only toilet In this part of town, you see So, if youve got to go Youve got to go through me Its a privilege to pee Waters worth its weight In gold these days No more bathrooms Like in olden days You come here and pay a fee For the privilege to pee Twenty years weve had the drought And our reservoirs have all dried up I take my baths now in a coffee cup I boil whats left of it for tea And its a privilege to pee The politicians in their wisdom saw That there should be a law The politicians taxed the toilets And made illegal Public urination and defecation So, come and give your coins to me Write your name here in the record book The authorities will want to look If youve been regular with me If youve paid the proper fee For the privilege to pee End of act 1 Intermission Act 2: 12. I Know Its Today: Shrek The Musical (5:20) YOUNG FIONA, (Spoken) Settle in everyone. Its story time! (Sung) Theres a princess In a tower Oh my gosh, thats just like me Poor Rapunzel Needs a haircut But the witch wont set her free She passes time by singing Like someone else I know As years go by she sits and waits As years go by? Uh oh A torturous existence I dont remember this part! She wishes she were dead? Skip ahead skip ahead! But in the end Rapunzel finds a millionaire The prince is good at climbing and braiding golden hair!

(CONTINUED)

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17.

So I know, hell appear Cause there are rules and there are strictures I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight My white knight, and his steed Will look just like these pictures! It wont be long now, I guarantee! Day number 23. I know its today I know its today TEENAGE FIONA: (Spoken) Oh heres a good one! Its a classic! (Sung) Theres a princess In a coma Glad its her instead of me. Pretty maiden In a glass box How I wonder does she pee? Blah blah blah, poison apple Boring boring evil queen Filler filler, been there, read that! Seven shorties on the scene. Skip ahead, skip ahead But in the end the princess wakes up with a start The prince is good at kissing And melting Snow Whites heart! So I know, hell appear And his armor will be blinding! As shining as his perfect teeth And then repose Hell propose On one knee And our prenupt will be binding! About time we set the wedding date! Day number 958. I know its today. Hell show up today.... FIONA: ...ay... Theres a princess Any princess Take your pick, theyre all like me Not exactly, Im still waiting theyre living happily Ever after better get here I want love in seconds flat No one needs these middle bits Oops, did I do that? Cut the villains, cut the vamping Cut this fairytale Cut the peril and the pitfalls Cut the puppet and the whale Cut the monsters, cut the curses Keep the intro, cut the verses And the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the waiting The waiting! But I know, hell appear Though I seem a bit bipolar And Im a vandal now as well, though he wont mind Im a find, Im a catch And a very gifted bowler! It wont be long now, I guarantee! Day number Are you there God? Its me Fiona ALL FIONAS: Its me Fiona! (CONTINUED)

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18.

Now I know, hell appear Cause there are rules and there are strictures I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight My white knight, my knight and his steed Will look just like these pictures! It wont be long now, I guarantee! YOUNG FIONA Day number 23 TEENAGE FIONA Day number 958 FIONA: Day number 4823 YOUNG FIONA I know its today, oooo TEENAGE FIONA I know its today, oooo FIONA, I know its today, oooo YOUNG FIONA I know its today, oooo TEENAGE FIONA I know its today, oooo FIONA, I Know its today ALL FIONAS, I know its today! (Prince rushes onstage, announcing the news) FIONAS PRINCE: "Princess! Today has finally arrived!" FIONA: "What did you just say?" PRINCE: "Todays the day. Audition day!" FIONA: "Oh, right, that." PRINCE: "So are you coming or what, because I dont want to be late" FIONA: "Umm, you go ahead, Ill catch up in a bit" PRINCE: "Suit yourself" (PRINCE runs off stage) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

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19.

ALL FIONAS, (contd) FIONA: "too good to be true" (FIONA hugs the other girls and exits with them) (All characters anxiously waiting onstage, and NARRATOR enters) NARRATOR: "Morning everyone! Weve got no time to waste so lets get started and kick off these auditions! The "casting director" who will be judging these auditions is here observing you, er mm from a disclosed location. The director wants you to perform as if you were in front of an audience, so step up to the mic, and give it your best! First up, Annie Oakley and Frank Butler from Annie Get Your Gun! (misfits applaud and exit along with narrator) 19. Anything You Can Do- Annie Get Your Gun (3:20) ANNIE OAKLEY FRANK BUTLER: Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything Better than you. No, you cant. Yes, I can. No, you cant. Yes, I can. No, you cant. Yes, I can, Yes, I can! Anything you can be I can be greater. Sooner or later, Im greater than you. No, youre not. Yes, I am. No, youre not. Yes, I am. No, youre NOT!. Yes, I am. Yes, I am! I can shoot a partridge With a single cartridge. I can get a sparrow With a bow and arrow. I can live on bread and cheese. And only on that? Yes. So can a rat! Any note you can reach I can go higher. I can sing anything Higher than you. No, you cant. (High) Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you cant. (Higher) Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you cant. (Higher) Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you cant. (Higher) Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you cant. (Higher) Yes, I CAN! (Highest) Anything you can buy I can buy cheaper. I can buy anything Cheaper than you. Fifty cents? Forty cents! Thirty cents? Twenty cents! No, you cant! Yes, I can, Yes, I can! Anything you can say I can say softer. I can say anything Softer than you. No, you cant. (Softly) Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you cant. (Softer) Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you cant. (Softer) Yes, I can. (Softer) YES, I CAN! (Full volume) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

ANNIE OAKLEY FRANK BUTLER: (contd) I can jump a hurdle. I can wear a girdle. I can knit a sweater. I can fill it better! I can do most anything! Can you bake a pie? No. Neither can I. Any note you can hold I can hold longer. I can hold any note Longer than you. No, you cant. Yes, I can No, you cant. Yes, I can No, you cant. Yes, I can Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I No, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-NT-- CA-A-A-A-N! (Cough, cough!) Yes, you ca-a-a-an! (Bow and exit stage) (Enter Chava, Hodel, and Tzeitel) 16. Matchmaker Matchmaker- Fiddler on the Roof (2:22) Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match, Find me a find, catch me a catch Matchmaker, Matchmaker Look through your book, And make me a perfect match Chava: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Ill bring the veil, You bring the groom, Slender and pale. Bring me a ring for Im longing to be, The envy of all I see. Hodel: For Papa, Make him a scholar. Chava: For mama, Make him rich as a king. Chava and Hodel: For me, well, I wouldnt holler If he were as handsome as anything. Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match, Find me a find, Catch me a catch, Night after night in the dark Im alone So find me match, Of my own. Hodel, oh Hodel, Have I made a match for you! Hes handsome, hes young! Alright, hes 62. But hes a nice man, a good catch, true? True. I promise youll be happy, And even if youre not, Theres more to life than that--- Dont ask me what. Chava: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, You know that Im Still very young. Please, take your time. Hodel: Up to this minute, I misunderstood That I could get stuck for good. Chava and Hodel: Dear Yenta, See that hes gentle Remember, You were also a bride. Its not that Im sentimental (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

21.

Chava and Hodel and Tzeitel: Its just that Im terrified! Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Plan me no plans Im in no rush Maybe Ive learned Playing with matches A girl can get burned So, Bring me no ring Groom me no groom Find me no find Catch me no catch Unless hes a matchless match. (Girls curtsy and exit) (Enter Amos, who smiles and says hello to the girls as they pass but they dont even notice him and keep walking) 17. Mr. Cellophane- Chicago (3:43) Amos: If someone stood up in a crowd And raised his voice up way out loud And waved his arm and shook his leg Youd notice him If someone in the movie show Yelled "Fire in the second row This whole place is a powder keg!" Youd notice him And even without clucking like a hen Everyone gets noticed, now and then, Unless, of course, that personage should be Invisible, inconsequential me! Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane Cause you can look right through me Walk right by me And never know Im there... I tell ya Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane Cause you can look right through me Walk right by me And never know Im there... Suppose you was a little cat Residing in a persons flat Who fed you fish and scratched your ears? Youd notice him Suppose you was a woman, wed And sleepin in a double bed Beside one man, for seven years Youd notice him A human beings made of more than air With all that bulk, youre bound to see him there Unless that human bein next to you Is unimpressive, undistinguished You know who...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22. Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane Cause you can look right through me Walk right by me And never know Im there... I tell ya Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane Cause you can look right through me Walk right by me And never know Im there Never even know Im there. Hope I didnt take up too much of your time.

(Amos exits. Patrice enters) PATRICE:"Id like to say something before I start. At some point, we were all forced to leave our homes on Broadway, and start new lives here. And when we first got to this place, face it, we were a bunch of misfits. All year, you look forward to this one day, and when you talk about this audition, you talk about the chance to go home again. But now after being here for so long, as lame of a place as it is, this feels like home to me. 20. Lamest Place in the World- 13 (3:01) Patrice: Down the road, theres a sandy beach Up the block, theres a hot springs Theres a place you can go snorkeling with fish. A school, palm trees, a couple of churches And no matter how hard anybody searches Thats about as thrilling as this stupid island gets Its the lamest place in the world But it just got a little bit better So dont disappear Its the lamest place in the world But Im pretty sure Its not as lame as it was before Now that youre here Three miles to the nearest river One mile to the boat dock When we plan our escape, thats where were going to have to be Its a shame, its a sham, its a terrible pity You got dragged away from New York City Its major suck for you but its amazing luck for me Its the lamest place in the world But it just got a little bit better Im happy to say Its the lamest place in the world Your completely exotic Intellectual neurotic You would never have a shot except Youve found the perfect guide And though I dont really know you I can hardly wait to show you Every fake and freak Every fool and clown Since the islanders settled this stupid town Let and laugh They wont keep me down With you by my side (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23. And it just got a little bit better Amazing but true Yes, the lamest place in the world Has lots of flaws But maybe itll be fine because It brought me to you.

(curtsies and is about to head offstage when NARRATOR stops her) NARRATOR: "Patrice! Wait! Stay there for a moment! Everyone come on out here!" PATRICE: "Whats going on?" NARRATOR: "Everyone, I have an announcement." MISFIT 10: "Wait! Did the casting director already make his decision?" MISFIT 11: "But I havent gotten to go yet!" NARRATOR:" No, no. Look, I lied to you all. The Casting Director isnt actually here." (all Misfits gasp) NARRATOR: "Im sorry! But the storm made it impossible for him to get here." MISFIT 12: "So the auditions today were for nothing!" NARRATOR: "No listen! So in his place, the responsibility to make the decision was passed along to me." (all Misfits gasp again) NARRATOR: "And believe me, this is the toughest choice Ive ever had to make. But I have made a decision. Besides being a director, Ive also had some experience with play writing. Which is why Ive decided to write an original musical about all of you!" (All Misfits cheer) NARRATOR: Itll be about how your stories were reinvented on this Island! Well call it, "Misfits: The Musical". (All characters cheer with excitement) NARRATOR: "Just watch! I bet in a years time well be the biggest hit on Broadway!" Misfit 13: "But not if we dont get off this island. Face it, were all stranded!" Witch: "No! This is our dream! We cant just give up!" (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

Misfit 14: "Well what do you propose we do? Swim all the way to New York?" Witch: "Not swim. Fly."

Defying Gravity: Wicked Something has changed within me Something is not the same Im through with playing by the rules Of someone elses game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep Its time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap! Its time to try defying gravity I think Ill try defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I am defying gravity And you wont bring me down! Im through accepting limits cause someone says theyre so Some things I cannot change But till I try, Ill never know! Too long Ive been afraid of Losing love I guess Ive lost Well, if thats love It comes at much too high a cost! Id sooner buy defying gravity Kiss me goodbye Im defying gravity I think Ill try defying gravity And you wont bring me down! Id sooner buy defying gravity Kiss me goodbye Im defying gravity I think Ill try defying gravity And you wont bring me down! bring me down! ohh ohhh ohhhh! NARRATOR: "And thats how this show came to be! Well, looks like my stage manager took care of all the technical difficulties. So without further ado, please enjoy our production of, "Misfits: The Musical". (All for finale/curtain call) 22. Goodbye- The Producers (O:36) Thanks for coming to see our show Sad to tell you we got to go Grab your hat and head for the door In case you didnt notice, there aint any more! If you like our show tell evryone but... If you think it stinks, keep your big mouth shut! Were glad you came but we have to shout Adios, au revoir, wiedersehen, ta-ta-ta Goodbye...get lost...get out!! -End