PARSHAS TOLDOS | 4 KISLEV 5770 | 21 NOVEMBER 2009

Clearly, Jacob and Esav had very different values and interests. Their fighting is therefore difficult to comprehend. Esav loved hunting, killing, stealing, and adultery. He enjoyed this world, without any concern for the World to Come. He sold his spiritual birthright for a bowl of lentil-stew, indicating that even a minute pleasure in this world was worth more to him than the spiritual benefits of the firstborn. Jacob on the other hand, sat in the tents and studied. He spent his entire life focused on the World to Come, totally dismissing the delights of this world.

What then were they fighting about? Why couldn’t they simply agree that Esav would get the pleasures of this world, while Jacob would get the lofty World to Come?

In truth, however, both worlds are indelibly linked, and each brother needed components of both worlds. Esav wanted to indulge in the physical pleasures of this world – yet couldn’t do so completely, because he understood the value of the World to Come. This knowledge alone creates a profound dissatisfaction with living a purely material life and a desire to seek something deeper. As John D. Rockefeller once said, "I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure."

The soul (our spiritual side) only finds pleasure in spiritual accomplishments. This explains why people are always looking to add meaning to their lives, even when they are quite comfortable physically. Esav’s soul was therefore not

fully satiated. He wanted to dominate the next world as well, so that he could somehow have his cake and eat it too.

In the same vein, while Jacob recognized that the ultimate goal of our lives is to develop our spiritual side and to focus on the World to Come, we nevertheless need this world to truly earn our full-spirited portion. This world is necessary precisely because G-d isn't apparent here and doing the right thing often doesn’t come easy. A soul having to contend with the challenges of this world has no battles to fight and never can (really) become great. Jacob therefore wanted to dominate this world so that he could fully enjoy the spiritual pleasures of the World to Come.

The final irony is that in the end, the spiritual path of Jacob not only earned him a great World to Come, but also gave him a meaningful life in this world, proudly raising the twelve tribes, and living in Goshen surrounded by righteous children and grandchildren. He ultimately "won" by dominating both worlds.

It is interesting to note that scientific studies show a strong link between a person’s spiritual beliefs and practices, and his ability to cope with stress, anxiety, and depression. While it is validating to see this data in prestigious journals, we already knew from Jacob and Esav that a life lived by blending both worlds is a life best lived. Rabbi Burnham can be reached at: rabbiburnham@partnersintorah.org

ויתרצצו הבנים בקרבה ותאמר אם כן למה' זה אנכי ותלך לדרש את ה

“The children agitated within her, and she said, ‘If so, why am I thus?’ And she went to inquire of Hashem.” (Genesis 25:22)

I n this week's Torah portion, we read about Jacob and Esav, the twin brothers born to Isaac and Rebecca, who began fighting while in utero, as the Torah relates, "The children agitated

inside her [Rebecca]" (Genesis 25:22). In his commentary, Rashi explains that "They were struggling with one another, and fighting over the inheritance of two worlds (this world and the World to Come).

Parsha Perspectives RABBI LEIBY BURNHAM

T O L D O S Talking Points RABBI ELAZAR MEISELS

1. IT’S TIME TO LEAVE “And the children struggled within her, and she said, ‘If so, why am I thus?’ and she went to inquire of G-d.” 25:22

The children struggled within her – When she passed the academy of Shem and Ever, Jacob struggled to leave the womb, and when she passed a temple of idol worship, Esav fought to leave. - Rashi

The children struggled within her – Fearing that Jacob might look to his twin brother for guidance and learn from his wicked ways, the Almighty implanted a deep-seated animosity between the two at a very early stage of their existence. This dislike underlies the manifold examples of persecution the Jewish people have suffered at the hands of Esav and his descendants over the centuries. – Sefer Chassidim

If so, why am I thus – The plain meaning of the verse is that she experienced abnormal pain and feared that she was about to lose her fetus. This left her greatly perplexed, for the Almighty had performed a miracle on her behalf, and miracles are not performed for naught. She therefore sought the advice of Shem and Ever to help her better understand the ways of the Almighty. – Ohr HaChaim

The Talmud teaches that while in the womb, a fetus is visited by an angel who teaches it the entire Torah. With a teacher of such a high caliber, why would Jacob want to leave the womb to study in a yeshivah where he surely could not find a rebbe of a similar quality? Perhaps Jacob wished to study Torah in a manner which would allow him to also follow through with action, an option unavailable to a fetus which can study, but cannot perform the mitzvos about that which he studies.

2. TUNING IN “I will increase your offspring like the stars of the heavens, and will give to your offspring all the lands…Because Abraham heeded My voice, and

observed My safeguards, My commandments, My decrees, and My Torahs.” 26:5

Abraham heeded My voice… – The gift of the Land is attributed to Abraham’s loyal obedience of G-d’s word in the following four categories:

1. Safeguards: Rabbinic enactments that safeguard Biblical prohibitions by acting as a barrier around them.

2. Commandments: Laws such as homicide and theft, that man would have intuited and instituted, even had the Almighty not done so.

3. Decrees: Laws that are incompatible with human reason, but must be observed anyhow as a Divine decree.

4. Torahs: The Written Torah and the Oral Torah.

How did Abraham observe the Torah so long before its presentation at Mt. Sinai? Ramchal explains that due to his exceedingly close relationship with the Almighty, Abraham intuited His desires and acted accordingly even before the Almighty dictated His will. This can be compared to one who is so in step with his spouse that he perceives her desire even before she articulates it. Similarly, Abraham possessed such a deep reverence for the will of G-d that he toiled to decipher and obey it, even though no such demand of him was made by the Almighty.

3. MOM ALWAYS KNOWS BEST “But his mother said to him, ‘Your curse [will] be upon me, my son, only listen to me and of fetch them for me.’” 27:13

Your curse [will] be upon me – She trusted in G-d’s promise to her that the “younger son will serve the elder,” and therefore knew that he would be okay. – Rashbam

Your curse [will] be upon me – If your father grows angry at you, tell him that I sent you and he’ll get angry at me instead. – Malbim

Your curse [will] be upon me – In Hebrew, the word for “upon me” is “Alai” [Ayin, Lamed, Yud]. These letters are an acrostic for the names, Esav, Lavan, Yosef (Joseph), and represent the three major instances of hardship that Jacob would suffer in his lifetime. His mother reassured him that this decision would indeed bear consequences, but they would be nothing more than the following three examples. – Gaon of Vilna

Chiddushei HaRim explains that Rebecca knew that Esav had one thing going for him: his exemplary dedication to serving his father, even at the cost of his life. He would hunt and trap for him although at times, it entailed placing his life in grave danger. It was in the merit of this self-sacrifice that Esav earned the blessings. If Jacob was going to earn the blessings, he would have to demonstrate similar dedication to obeying his parents. Thus, she bade him to do an act that entailed great danger if he were discovered, in the hopes that by obeying her command, he would merit the blessings instead of Esav.

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Dear Justin,

Mazel tov on your engagement and upcoming marriage. May you have much happiness and a wonderful life together. Your question is important, but I cannot do justice to the entire subject in this brief response. There are a number of very good books, however, that I could recommend to you about a “Jewish marriage.”

Let me first establish some fundamentals that set a Jewish marriage apart from the typical American marriage.

1- In general culture, one marries in order to achieve happiness. In Torah tradition, one marries in order to complete his/her soul. As one completes his/her soul, one happens to experience sublime happiness, but that is not the goal, just the by-product. We read in last week’s Torah portion that both Abraham and Sarah were buried in the Cave of Machpelah. The Midrash recounts that a very righteous person once walked into the burial cave of Abraham and Sarah almost 2000 years after their demise and found Abraham lying in Sarah’s arms, as Sarah was staring at his head. The commentators explain that a soul needs to come to earth (housed in a body) in order to gain perfection. The idyllic scene of unity between Abraham in Sarah in death indicates that each had assisted the other’s soul to reach perfection through their

marriage during their lifetime (Meshech Chochmah). Whereas in general culture, a couple may marry for any number of motivations (love, security, convenience, avoidance of loneliness, etc.), in Torah tradition, the husband and wife have the goal to assist the other to reach his/her spiritual potential. One major difference between the Torah outlook and the notion of general culture is what happens if something goes wrong in the marriage. In general culture, if the love, security, or convenience no longer obtains, the couple will more readily terminate their marriage. However, from a Torah point of view, problems are seen as an opportunity from G-d to help each spouse work on his/her personal character traits, as a means of elevating his/her soul. Instead of quickly terminating the marriage, the couple will endeavor to overcome the difficulties.

2- General culture uses the term “soulmate,” referring to someone who perfectly fits and complements the other’s personality and deeper yearnings. In Torah tradition, however, there is the concept of “bashert,” the individual whom one was pre-destined to marry. Our Sages tell us that 40 days before a child is formed, a Heavenly Voice announces whom he will marry. The reason for this is, as explained above, in order to perfect the soul, the precise counterpart is necessary. Then, the relationship is one of

soulmates – not merely to provide an ideal feeling of unity in each spouse, but in order to work together on each other’s souls.

3- In general culture, a couple may opt to raise children or go through life exclusively with each other. In Torah tradition the first commandment is to be “fruitful and multiply.” The prophet tells us that one of G-d’s goals for His world is that is should be populated. A Torah couple works together to bring about this lofty goal and by so doing, build future generations of Jews.

So, back to the wedding, Justin. If you’ve been to religious weddings before, you’ll surely remember the excitement and effort in making the bride and groom so happy during their wedding celebration. Each has found his “bashert,” which enables each of them to perfect his/her soul, as well as hopefully be successful in fulfilling G-d’s plan for Creation—the population of His world. A true Jewish marriage provides much to celebrate about at the time of the wedding.

So Justin, congratulations on finding your “bashert.” May you continue on your path to perfection and contribute to the growth of the Jewish people. Sincerely, Rabbi Reuven Drucker Rabbi Drucker can be reached at: rabbidrucker@partnersintorah.org

JEWISH MARRIAGE RABBI REUVEN DRUCKER

Dear Rabbi, I am no longer studying with my partner (he abandoned me to study in Israel!) and am waiting to be matched with a new partner. In the interim, I am engaged to a wonderful woman to whom I was introduced through my Torah partner. As I prepare for my upcoming wedding, can you possible give me a primer on what makes a Jewish marriage uniquely Jewish? (Yes, I’m asking for marriage on one foot!) Thanks for your help. Justin N.

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“Isaac prayed to Hashem on behalf of his wife

because she was barren. Hashem allowed Himself to

be entreated by him, and his wife Rebecca conceived.

The children agitated within her, and she said, ’If so,

why am I thus?’ And she went (the academy of the prophet Shem) to inquire of Hashem. And Hashem

said to her (through the prophet): ‘Two nations are in

your womb; two regimes from your insides shall be

separated. The might shall pass from one regime to

the other, and the elder shall serve the younger.’

When her term to bear grew full, then behold, there

were twins in her womb.” (Bereishis 25:19-24) Rashi

explains this agitation: When Rebecca passed a house

of idol worship, she felt Esav struggling to exit, and when she passed the yeshivah of Shem and Ever, she

felt Jacob struggling to exit.

A simple reading of this narrative is surely (א

inadequate to understand its deeper

meaning. (Your average fetus, after all, doesn’t have the capacity to push its way out at will,

is oblivious to its surroundings, and doesn’t have

identifiable spiritual inclinations). On the basic level

however, we understand that Rebecca was distressed

when she thought she was bearing a child with dual

tendencies. How does the news that she was bearing twins, one of whom seemed to be destined for idol

worship, assuage her agony?

As explained by Ramban (Nachmanides) (ב

(27:4), Rebecca approached the prophet

Shem without consulting her husband Isaac,

himself a prophet. Why wouldn’t Rebecca have first

addressed her concerns with Isaac?

Rabbi Lam can be reached at: rabbilam@partnersintorah.org

TABLE TALK FOR DISCUSSION AROUND THE SHABBAT TABLE

RABBI LABEL LAM

Parsha At-A-Glance At the age of forty, Isaac married Rebecca. He prayed to Hashem on behalf of his wife, who was barren. Twenty years later, she became pregnant with two children, who fought within her womb. She spoke to Hashem through a prophet and thus learned that she had two nations – who would forever struggle – in her womb.

Rebecca first gave birth to Esav, who was red and hairy. Jacob was born holding on to the heel of his brother.

The twins grew older. Esav was a hunter, while Jacob studied Torah in the tents. Esav came home one day and demanded stew. In exchange for a bowl of lentil-stew, Jacob asked him to sell his birthright – and Esav did, for a bowl of stew!

There was a famine in the land, so Isaac and Rebecca settled in Gerar among the Philistines. Out of concern for the well-being of his wife, Isaac spread word that she was actually his sister. Upon discovering the truth, King Avimelech scolded him for the possible ramifications of the lie, but decreed that no citizen be allowed to touch Isaac or Rebecca.

Isaac was very successful, and thus was the object of the Philistines’ envy. They filled in the wells that Abraham had dug – a violation of his covenant with Avimelech. Isaac dug the same wells and gave them the same names his father had used. The rights of the water became a source of conflict between Isaac and the Philistines. He and his wife returned to Beer-Sheva.

Hashem appeared to Isaac in a dream to reassure him that He will protect him and will remember His covenant with Abraham.

Avimelech came to acknowledge that Hashem

indeed was protecting Isaac. They renewed the covenant.

At the age of forty, Esav married two Canaanite women, to the disappointment of his parents.

Isaac became blind with age, and knowing that he was reaching the end of his life, prepared to bless his sons. He asked Esav to hunt and cook a special meal for him. Rebecca overheard the conversation, and knowing that Isaac had the potential, devised a scheme to switch the two brothers so that Jacob would receive the blessings. She dressed Isaac in the clothes his brother wore when he attended to his father, and covered his skin with the skins of goat-kids (to imitate Esav’s hairy hands).

Jacob approached his father under the guise of Esav. Isaac was unsure about his identity, but recognized him as Esav after feeling his hairy hands. He blessed him with both spiritual and physical gain – a blessing that was never intended for Esav – so Hashem must have put the words in his mouth. When Esav arrived and demanded his blessing, he cried upon learning what had occurred. Isaac gave him a specifically physical blessing.

Esav hated Jacob because of what had transpired, and decided to kill him after the death of his father. When Rebecca discovered her son’s plan, she informed Jacob of it and advised him to flee to her brother Lavan, who resided in Haran.

Isaac gave his son Jacob a blessing upon leaving, and told him not to marry one of the Canaanite women (just as his own father, Abraham, had told his servant, Eliezer, when he had instructed him to find a wife for Isaac). After recognizing that the two Canaanite women to whom he was married were evil in the eyes of his father, Esav married the daughter of Yishmael.