pajama game script act 2 v.1

8/18/2019 Pajama Game Script Act 2 v.1

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1

THE PAJAMAGAME

A Musical ComedyBased on the novel

“7 1/2 Cents” by Richard Bissell

Music and Lyrics by Richard Adler and Jerry RossBook by George Abbott and Richard Bissell

Presented byThe University Of Chichester3rd Year Musical Theatre Tour

March 2016


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The Pajama Game Act 2 Scene 1

THE PAJAMA GAME

ACT 2

SLEEP TITE FACTORY, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA 1954

SCENE 1: EAGLE HALL.

PREZ

This is just going to be a short meeting because the Boiler Makers Local

is got the hall spoke for at 8 o’clock. So, them that wants to get over

to the tri-Stage Meet will have plenty of time

(Hands in pockets)

What’s going on down the plant you all know as good as I.

(Hands out of pockets)

And any members of the type I run into from time to time who say “What

good is the Union, why should I pay my dues?” Why they could get a mighty

good object lesson from where would they be now in this here battle of

the seven-and-a-half cents that they wouldn’t get if it wasn’t for the

Union -

(Pounds fist into hand)

what sure as hell going to get it.

(Puts hand up to stop applause)

So leave us all remember that our Union should be first and foremost in

our minds next only to our loved ones and the tiny tots and kiddies.

Now before we break up we are going to have a little entertainment and i

hope you are going to show a special courtesy tonight because a couple of

the cutting room boys has got up an act with Gladys Hotchkiss who’s from

the front office. And if these good folk is good enough to come down here

and do this act for us why the least you can do is not to sneak out the

back way, like last time. The little number they worked up is something

that’s right on the nose because it’s about getting hot. And fellow Union

members that’s what we’re doing……

( Motions banner flat)

……Getting hot.

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ALL

Yeah!

I got steam heat, I got steam heat, I got steam heat

But I need your love to keep away the cold,

I got steam heat, I got steam heat, I got steam heat,

But I can’t get warm with your hand to hold!

The radiators hissin’, still I need your kissin’

To keep me from freezin’ each night!

I got a hot water bottle

But nothing I got’ll

Take the place of you

Holding me tight

I got steam heat, I got steam heat, I got steam heat

But I need your love to keep away the cold,

(Dance break!)

GLADYS

Yeh!

ALL

They told me to shovel more coal in the boiler,

They told me to shovel more coal in the boiler,

They told me to shovel more coal in the boiler

GLADYS

But that don’t do no good!

ALL

They told me to pour some more oil in the burner,



GLADYS

But that don’t do no good!

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ALL

Coal in the boiler

GLADYS

No good!

ALL

Oil in the burner

GLADYS

No good!

ALL

Cold, no, hot, yes

Ssss yes yes yes

Come on Union get hot

(Dance break)

GLADYS

I need your love to keep away the cold

I need your love

To keep away the

ALL

Coal in the boiler

Oil in the burner.

Fssss!

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SCENE 2: THE KITCHEN - BABE’S HOUSE

(PREZ has removed coat and thrown it over a chair. GROUP sitting around

table.BABE goes to icebox and brings a bottle of beer. after she is

seated, PREZ rises. MAE is drinking.)

PREZ

Listen, Mae, pay attention to the meeting and quit guzzling all this free

beer.

MAE

I ain’t guzzling. I’m just being sociable

PREZ

Well, this ain’t a sociable , this is an official meeting.

BABE

Mae’s got to keep her strength up.

PREZ

We can’t just sit around here and do nothing, we got to make plans.

Hasler ain’t going to give in easy.

BRENDA

We got the slow-down

PREZ

I mean other things, more like for instance, like why, a suggestion here

from Jake Fondermeyer. He says when he was working at the Ironclad

Overall Company and they was having trouble, why they spit tobacco juice

in the back hip pocket of the overalls.

MAE

(Rises)

I draw the line at chewing tobacco

PREZ

I wasn’t suggesting that.

(MAE sits)

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BRENDA

How about if the packers put the size large bottoms with the size small

tops, and like that?

JOSEPHINE

Sure.

PREZ

Now that’s what I mean. That’s constructive.

(Phone rings - BABE rises crosses to phone)

That’s clear thinking.

BABE

Hello - oh - sure. Sure I recognize your voice.

MAE

(Continuing the conversation so they won’t seem to be listening)

But that wouldn’t take effect soon enough.

BRENDA

Well, I suppose not.

BABE

(In phone)

Yes, I am.

PREZ

Let’s be practical.

MAE

(Turns bottle upside down, it is empty. Rises)

Oh, I’m going to break down and have another beer

(Crosses to icebox and gets beer)

BABE

(In phone)

No, I can’t talk now. I’ve been away three days.

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MAE

(Crosses back to table)

We got to put the screws on them right now, not later.

(Sits)

BABE

(In phone)

Look, I have several people here. It wouldn’t do any good, anyhow. So

goodbye, I’m sorry.

(She hangs up)

PREZ

Babe, they’ve been saying…

(Turns to the others abruptly)

Look, I don’t want to get Babe into trouble but……

BABE

Go ahead. What trouble can you get me into? I’m fired already

(Sits)

MAE

Well the Union ought to do something about that, too

PREZ

If she hadn’t stood right up and said she did it, we could have. But if

somebody up and admits they been bustin’ up the company property……

(Leans into them at table)

Listen, here’s a confidence just inside the committee. Some of the

buttons ain’t been sewed on too good. Wait until salesmen come screaming

back to Hasler.

(POP enters)

POP

Hello.

PREZ

Mr. Williams.

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POP

Big meeting, hey.

(To BABE)

Hiya, honey.

BABE

Hiya, Pop.

POP

Don’t let me interrupt

BABE

How was your trip?

POP

Dirty - got another hot box. On the siding for twenty-five minutes.

(Exit door)

PREZ

Well, that’s about it anyhow.

(They all rises, PREZ collects coat)

MAE

Sure.

( MAE gets handbag from end table - crosses to PREZ. Pantomimes

conversation)

JOSEPHINE

(Puts coat on from back of chair - crosses to BABE and BRENDA)

And let’s all be thinking about new ways to jam things up.

BRENDA

(Gets handbag, crosses to BABE)

Much obliged for the beer.

BABE

That’s all right.

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MAE

What do you mean you got to go home.

PREZ

Listen, Mae, my wife will be raising hell.

MAE

Too bad you didn’t think about that before.

(Starts out)

PREZ

(Grabbing her arm)

Look Mae, I’ll take you home.

MAE

(Wrenches free)

Don’t bother!

(She crosses to door and opens it)

PREZ

But Mae, there’s prowlers out at this hour of the night

MAE

(Framed in open door)

Single ones, I hope!

(She exits followed by PREZ)

BRENDA

Come on, Josephine

(They exit)

POP

(Enters from L, crosses to SC)

Say, I stopped in down at the corner tavern for a beer just now and guess

who I ran into.

BABE

Old man Hasler and Rita Hayworth?

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POP

No, Sid.

BABE

Sid? What’s he up to?

POP

The way i got it, he just been phoning you or something of that kind.

What happened between you?

BABE

Never mind, Pop.

POP

That’s what I told Sid. I told him to forget it and come on up.

BABE

(Turns to POP)

Oh, Pop, you’re too fresh.

POP

That boy don’t feel good about something.

BABE

Neither do I.

(Knock on door. POP goes and opens door)

POP

Come on in, Sid

(SID in doorway stands and looks at them)

BABE

(With veiled sarcasm)

Yes, do come in.

(Sid enters and closes door)

POP

Make yourself to home.

(Exits)

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SID

Have you really been away?

BABE

Sure. I went to Chicago to visit the Lincoln Park Zoo.

SID

Just because we’re on different sides, is that any reason for you and me

to get all balled up?

BABE

Looks like it, doesn’t it?

SID

Not to me it doesn’t

(Reaches for her. she pulls away)

What kind of a queen are you anyway

BABE

Haven’t you heard? I’m the sweetheart of Local 343 Associated Garment

Workers of North America. My gosh,Sid. I warned you, I told you. You

know? You know all about how I felt. I happen to think there are certain

things a person has to stand for in this life. But I guess you forgot all

about that.

SID

I forgot nothing. They pay me to run the factory.

BABE

So run the factory. You stick to your side and I’ll stick to mine.

SID

Listen, Miss Williams. I love you. Corey ain’t it? Did you hear me?

BABE

(Nods)

Yes

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SID

Babe can’t you see my side of it? I Can’t fail at this. I was a cutting

room foreman when I bluffed my way into this job and I’m going to fight

to stay here. And now that I’ve got you in my plans (He tries to take her

hand) I’m fighting even harder

BABE

(Shakes his hands off)

Watch those hands, tycoon

(POP enters with stamp album)

POP

Well, here we are.

BABE

What you got there, Pops, your stamp album?

POP

Now don’t get excited. If Sid doesn’t want to look at it, why he don’t

have to. No law against my looking at it is there?

BABE

But Sid likes stamps. He told me so, didn’t you Sid?

SID

Yeah, I was looking at it the other night

POP

Sure! There’s universal appeal in stamps. I knew you’d be interested

BABE

Sid’s very interested, Pop … But me… I’m just plain bushed. So you don’t

mind if I slide off to bed?

POP

Run along Honey. Good night , dear.

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SID

Good night. Sleep well.

BABE

Thanks

(She Exits)

POP

Sid, suppose we start with the Pan American issue

SID

I guess that’s as good a place to start off as any.

(Lights dim on POP and SID. BABE is seen in her room)

BABE

Hey there! You with the stars in your eyes:

Love never made a fool of you, You used to be to wise.

Hey there! You on that high flyin’ cloud:

Though you’ve been acting cold to him,

You know your heart is sold to him.

Get on the ball, girl. Just take it all in your stride.

Don’t let him make you fall apart. You’ve always had such pride.

Won’t you take this advice I hand you like a brother?

Or are you not seeing things to clear?

Are you too much in love to hear?

Is it all going in one ear…

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SCENE 3: THE HALLWAY

RITA

HEY Virsharsalene (CHARLENE?), are you crazy? Slow down.

VIRSHARSALENE

Nobody’s looking.

RITA

Here comes Mr Hines

VIRSHARSALENE

Oh, excuse me

(She suddenly goes into slow motion walk.HINES comes in and looks at the

girls who are walking slowly)

HINES

I hate women, that’s what I do. Especially young flibberty gibbets.

(Girls toss heads)

Girls! Girls!

(Girls stop walking. HINES paces)

You are a disgrace to my training

You are hurting my feelings

(He puts his arm over his eyes and the girls rush to him in sympathy,

they surround him)

RITA

Oh. Mr Hines, we didn’t mean to hurt your feelings

MARTHA

Oh, I’m sorry.

VIRSHARSALENE

It’s nothing personal, Mr Hines.

HINES

It cuts. It cuts. I have a notion to throw away my stopwatch and give up.

(Girls ad lib. “Oh no please don’t” etc.)

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RITA

We’d let you train us allover again.

MAX

(Enters)

Where’s Mr. Hasler

HINES

I thought you were in Peoria.

MAX

I ask for Mr. Hasler and I get Peoria. Don’t tell me you’re part of this

slowdown? Never mind, I’ll find him.

HINES

Did you hear that

JOSEPHINE

He seemed awfully upset.

HINES

To accuse me of a slowdown -

VIRSHARSALENE

Oh not you.

HINES

Me! Me! A man who has lived his life by the clock

RITA

We’re sorry, Mr Hines

VIRSHARSALENE

We’ll be good

ALL GIRLS

Sure!

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HINES

I'm a time study man, and a time study man can't waste time.

For a time study man to waste time,is a crime.

So I'm ruled by the tick tick tock.

ALL

Tick-a-tock

HINES

And I live my life by the clock.

ALL

Tick-a-tock

HINES

And I live my life by the tick tick tock of the clock!

When I go to sleep, I don't undress.

ALL

No!

HINES

Ah, Yes, I sleep in all my clothes.

I must confess.

ALL

How strange!

HINES

Y ou say a strange way to behave.

Well, I will admit that the suit gets mussed and it gathers lint and it

picks up dust,

But think of the time I save.

ALL

Think of the time he saves.

HINES

T he alarm clock rings,

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VIRSHARSALENE

Brrrr!

JOSEPHINE

Ding!

HINES

It's 6 AM .

And then right there in bed I shave.

ALL

No!

HINES

That's what I said. While I am still in bed, I shave.

Well the lather drips and the bed gets wet

And oh what a lousy shave I get,


ALL


Tick tock tick tock, Tempus fugit,

tick tock tick tock time goes by

HINES

How I love to sit and watch the seconds multiply!

At breakfast time, I grab a bowl.

And in the bowl I drop an egg, then add some juice.

ALL

Bleugh!

HINES

A poor excuse for what I crave.

And then I add some oatmeal too and it comes out tasting just like glue,

ALL

Ew!

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HINES


ALL


Tick tock, tick tock, tempus fugit.

Tick tock, tick tock time goes by.

HINES

I'll be sitting counting seconds til the day I die.

And when I do, I have a plan:

Before I'm dead, I'll dig my grave.

ALL

What?

HINES

That's what I said. Before I'm dead I'll dig my grave.

'Cuz when St. Peter calls my name,

I know I'll get there just the same

but think of the time I'll save.

ALL

Think of the time he'll save.

HINES

Hurry up!

GIRLS 1

Think of the time

BOYS

Think of the time

GIRLS 2

Think of the time

HINES

Think of the time I’ll save!

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SCENE 4: THE OFFICE

(MABEL seated at her desk reading her newspaper and SID at his desk on

the telephone.)

MABEL

(Reading)

“Teen Age Girl Confessess”

SID

(In phone)

I can’t help it. It’s the slowdown.

MABEL

“Teen Age Boy Attacks School Teacher.” Tch,Tch,Tch.

SID

They’ll get the pajamas somewhere else if we don’t make deliveries. Well,

that’s not my department

(He hangs up)

MABEl

“Teen Age Sex Orgies Revealed” Isn’t that terrible?

SID

Yeah, they sure have more fun nowadays than when I was a Kid.

(HASLER enters)

MABEL

(Rises)

Good morning, Mr Hasler

HASLER

(Crosses to MABEL)

A slowdown like this proves what I’ve said for years. Nobody is

interested in work.

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MABEL

That’s right!

HASLER

The whole country is on the skids.

(SID rises)

Here I am right now with employees openly defiant to top management.

SID

Look, Mr Hasler. Maybe if we offered a compromise

( MABEL picks up papers)

HASLER

(Steps to desk)

Not until there’s ice in hell three feet thick.

(Hits desk)

I’m a fighter, Sorokin

SID

We’ve got hundred of orders to get out…

MABEL

(Rises gets a letter, crosses to HASLER)

That’s right Mr. Hasler. Here’s a letter from Marx and Klein over to Fort

Wayne, Indiana….

HASLER

Marx and Klein?

Damn chain outfit. Damned communists! Want another price cut I suppose.

MABEL

(Crosses to him)

Wells, they say unless we take care of this shipment……

HASLER

Now, Mabel, don’t stand there and try to tell me about Marx and Klein -

I’ve been dealing with them for twenty years.

MABEL

But Mr. Hasler, they say……

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(Enter MAX……Crosses to C)

MAX

I’ve been looking for you Mr. Hasler

HASLER

Why aren’t you out on the territory? What are you doing here now?

MAX

Because of what happened in Peoria

HINES

(Enters distracted, stands in door.)

The elevator’s stuck.

MAX

Hey! You, Hines, what size are you?

HINES

Size? Me? What is this?

(Crosses to C)

The elevator is stuck.

MAX

You look like a medium. I need you.

(MAX crosses to desk opens box)

HASLER

What on earth is going on round here?

MAX

(At desk takes out suit of pajamas)

Take your pants off.

HINES

I will do no such thing.

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MAX

Mr. Hasler, this is life and death to the Sleep Tite organization. I want

him to model these pajamas.

HASLER

Hines, take your pants off.

Hines

Okay, Chief.

(He starts to take off pants)

Me, honest?

(Pulls them up again)

MAX

Come on,come on.

MABEL

Oh what a day.

(Throws up hands - sits at her desk - covers face)

HINES

I’m a very busy man. I’m a Time Study Man, not a model.

MAX

This is all for Sleep Tite, Mister

HASLER

Hines ……put those pajamas on.

HINES

Okay, Chief.

(HINES takes off his trousers and puts them on chair)

HASLER

Hurry it up.

Let’s get it over with, whatever it is.

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MAX

(Opens pajama pants)

Now Mr Hasler I want you to get the picture.

(Gives pants to HINES who puts them on)

I was showing this to Charley Robertson of the Robertson Brothers. Now I

ain’t one of your type salesmen that believes in half measures. When I

have a sample room I do just what we got Hinesy doing. I model the pants

myself.

(By this time HINES is modelling the pajamas.He lies on floor in various

sleeping positions)

HASLER

Beautiful styling. What more do you want?

(HINES rises)

MAX

Now wait … here I am in Peoria and I’m modeling the pants. Mr Robertson

and his two buyers are very impressed with the line and ready to buy. Get

the picture?

HASLER

Go on, go on. I hope there’s some point to all this.

MAX

(Step to desk - pounds box)

Hines, now take a deep breath, stick out your stomach.

HINES

This is truly ridiculous

MAX

Everybody bear in mind I got these pajamas out of stock, right out of the

box. Go on.

HASLER

(Crosses to HINES)

He said to breathe. Breathe. Let’s get it over.

(HINES takes a powerful breathe. The pants fall)

My God!

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HINES

Oh, I’m sorry.

(He starts to recover the pants)

MAX

No, leave ‘em lay.

(GLADYS enters - sees HINES - screams and turns to MABEL for protection)

GLADYS

What are you doing, Vernon? Playing games?

MABEL

(Rises, turns to GLADYS)

Mr Hines, Really!

SID

Let me see those.

(He grabs the pajamas,crosses back to desk)

MAX

They’re all like that. Every one. Boxes and boxes of them

HASLER

What’s the idea? Who did this?

SID

(Examining pants)

Somebody’s got quite a sense of humour.

HASLER

(Crosses to desk)

What the hell are you talking about?

SID

Two threads in every waistband button.

HASLER

What?

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SID

They’re not sewed on. Only two threads. Somebody’s being very cute.

HASLER

(Takes pajamas pants, looks)

Cute! Sabotage. Open rebellion!

HINES

(Crosses to HASLER - GLADYS crosses to chair, gets HINES’ trousers)

On the other hand, it might be just coincidence.

HASLER

Oh, put your pants on.

(HINES crosses)

GLADYS

(Gives trousers to him, backwards. Aside to him)

What did you do, Vernon?

HINES

(Putting pants on backward)

I didn’t do anything.

SID

(In the phone)

Gimme the stock room

MAX

(Crosses to MABEL and turns)

I’ll be the laughing stock of the pajama game!

(HINES zips where there is no zipper. Takes pants off, puts them on

correctly. GLADYS grabs to help. HINES pushes her hand away. Turns back

to audience)

MABEL

You never finished your story. What did this Robertson do when your pants

fell down?

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MAX

He laughed. No sense of humour.

HINES

(to GLADYS, who has tried to help him)

Keep your hands off me.

SID

(In phone)

Hold the orders till we’ve checked the stock. I’ll be right down.

(To MAX)

Come on, Max.

(HINES is having trouble with zipper - still has back to audience as he

tugs at it. MAX exits followed by SID)

HASLER

(Crosses to MABEL as he passes HINES, GLADYs again grabs HINES pants to

help.)

They think they can lick Myron Hasler with this sort of trickery they got

another guess coming. I’m a fighter. Damn Communists.

(To HINES)

Hines! Get dressed, you idiot. I want a time report on each individual

worker.

(HINES turns to HASLER - has caught L cuff in zipper - HASLER fumes -

GLADYS makes a last grab - HINES crosses to door helpless - hits wall

frustratedly - walks into clothes rack - exits. HASLER follows then sits

at desk helplessly)

MABEL

(Gets letter to HASLER)

Now, Mr Hasler, in this letter from Marx and Klein, they say…

HASLER

Don’t bother me with letters from Marx and Klein or anybody else.

MABEL

Well…

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HASLER

Especially Marx and Klein, those damn pirates

( MABEL shrugs, crosses back to desk, sits. HASLER to GLADYS)

Gladys, don’t forget I’ve got a meeting of the Board of Directors

tomorrow

(Head in hands)

GLADYS

Yes sir. The books are all ready except -

HASLER

Two threads, that’s what I got to tell them. Two threads.

SID

(Enters. Crosses in front of GLADYS and HASLER to DL)

We’ve got to recall an awful lot of orders

HASLER

(Rises)

How many?

SID

They’re gonna let us know

HASLER

Gladys, give me your entry.

(GLADYS gives him ledger)

SID

Clear out for a while will you Mabel?

MABEL

(Picking up her belongings, rises and crosses to door)

Oh, sure. I’ll get something to settle my stomach.

(She exits)

HASLER

(Writes notation, gives it to GLADYS along with ledger)

Have it ready for the meeting tomorrow, that’s all.

(GLADYS exits. HASLER starts to cross UR)

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SID

Mr. Hasler.

HASLER

(Stops)

Yeah?

SID

I’d like to make a pitch.

HASLER

Pitch? All right. Pitch ahead.

SID

(Crossing slowly to HASLER)

Before we get started let me make my position clear.

I’m for the company first, last, and always. But labor problems have got

to end up in one way …… Compromise.

HASLER

(Turns to him)

Sorokin, you’ve been around here long enough to learn something.

But you seem a little slow. I’m a fighter.

(He demonstrates John L Sullivan style)

Keep your dukes up, boy.

(Throws door open)

SID

Yes, but…

HASLER

(Turns to SID)

Don’t waste your breath on me. Keep your dukes up.

(He exits. As he is saying his last line, GLADYS enters with ledger)

GLADYS

Dukes up? What does that mean?

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SID

(Crosses DS of desk R)

Mr Hasler wants me to take boxing lessons.

GLADYS

(Crosses DC)

You certainly are a character.

SID

(Sits on desk, turns to her)

And I’d like to get some information from you too.

GLADYS

What kind?

SID

Double entry

GLADYS

Well, you’re not going to get any information, so there.

SID

Come here. I’m a desperate man and I hate to ask a cute kid like you to

do me a favour but …

GLADYS

(Sits beside him at his desk)

Sid dear, you wouldn’t have me violate a trust would you?

SID

I sure would. If it would help to unsnarl things around here.

GLADYS

Why is that so important?

SID

(Leans over her)

Because my future depends upon the titanic struggle for pajama survival.

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GLADYS

(Laughs)

You’re a scream.

SID

And I just feel that if I Knew a little more about the booking of this……

(Motions to ledger she carries)

GLADYS

(Quickly crosses C)

Oh no, not that.

SID

Oh, I wouldn’t ask you to show it to me. Just leave it around.

GLADYS

No. Besides it’s locked anyhow.

SID

I know a sexy dame who’d lend me the key

GLADYS

(Crosses to him)

You think so?

SID

Wells, it would be fun trying to persuade her.

GLADYS

(Sits on side of desk)

Well, it might be fun to be persuaded - only you’d be awfully sore when

you didn’t get it.

SID

Oh, no Gladys, I’m grown up.

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GLADYS

Quit kidding me.

(Looks into his eyes. Gets up suddenly)

Well I gotta go.

(She crosses to door UL)

SID

No, wait.

GLADYS

(Stops. Turns challengingly)

What?

SID

(Rises crosses C)

Let’s go out tonight.

GLADYS

(Crosses to him)

Well, I hope you’re not serious about that key.

SID

I don’t feel like being serious about anything. You’re busy, huh?

GLADYS

(Crosses round him)

No, and I sure would like to, but -

(Puts ledger on his desk)

Oh, gee. Where will you take me?

SID

Any place you say.

GLADYS

I know a wonderful joint.

(Motions him to come to her)

32


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SCENE 5 - THE SWATCH TRAVELLER (HERNANDOS HIDEAWAY)

GLADYS

I know a dark secluded place,

A place where no one knows your face.

A glass of wine, a fast embrace,

It's called Hernando's Hideaway. Olay!

(Instrumental)

MALE CUSTOMER

Joe sent us..

FEMALE 1

Oooooooh!

FEMALE 2

Fresh!

MALE CUSTOMER 2

Poopsie, Poopsie,Poopsie!

MALE CUSTOMER 3

Hey, buddy, dis ain’t Poopsie!

GIRL 1

I know a dark secluded place,

GIRL 2

A place where no one knows your face.

GIRL 3

A glass of wine, a fast embrace,

ALL

It's called Hernando's Hideaway. Olay!

33


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GIRL 1

At the golden finger bowl or anyplace you go

GIRL 2

You'll meet your uncle Max and everyone you know

MALE 1

But if you go to the spot that I am thinking of

GIRL 2

You will be free

BOY 1

To gaze at me,

ALL

And talk of love.

GROUP 1 GROUP 2

Just knock

Three times

And whisper low

That you

And I

Were sent by Joe

Then strike

A match

And you will know

You're in Hernando's Hideaway.

Olay!

Just knock

Three times

And whisper low

That you

And I

Were sent by Joe

Then strike

A match

And you will know


Olay!

34


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(Instrumental)

ALL

Huh! Huh! HuH

GLADYS

At the golden finger bowl or anyplace you go

You'll meet your uncle Max and everyone you know

But if you are sitting close and making love to me

you may take my heart, you may take my soul, but not my key

MEN GIRLS

Just knock

Three times

And whisper low

That you

And I

Were sent by Joe

Then strike

A match

And you will know


Olay!

Ay ay ay ay

Ay ay

Ay ay

Ay ay ay ay ay you

Ay ay ay ay

Ay ay

Ay ay


Olay!

35


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SCENE 6 -HERNANDO’S HIDEAWAY

GLADYS

I want to ask you a personal question, Sid. Do you like Scotch?

SID

No. Gladys, I don’t like Scotch

GLADYS

Neither do I. Scotch has a very peculiar taste

(WAITER enters from L with tray, crosses to table C)

SID

Kind of a scotch-like taste?

GLADYS

Yeah, that’s it. Count me out.

(To WAITER)

Is that gin?

WAITER

Yes, Ma’am

GLADYS

(Gulps it down - makes an ugly face)

You’re right.

(GUESTS step DR from booths and tables and mill around. WAITER exits R)

You know I can’t figure you out, Sid. I guess when you first came here,

you caught on that I thought you were cute, but you never give me a

tumble till tonight.

SID

I told you what I was up to didn’t I?

GLADYS

I forget. Tell me again.

SID

I’m gonna get you fried and get that key away from you.

36


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GLADYS

(Singing to the far end of the room)

You’ll never get my key. You’ll never get my key!

(Juke box starts to play)

SID

Shhh. They’ll hear you -

GLADYS

You think I’m terrible, don’t you?

(BABE and PREZ enter DR. BABE crosses UR)

POOPSIE

Hey! I thought you was at the bowling alley.

PREZ

We was.

POOPSIE

Who won?

PREZ

Babe wanted to come here.

BABE

(Crossing DR)

I gotta give a message to somebody.

(People block her vision - so she doesn’t see SID)

PREZ

We was gonna get thrown out anyways. Hinesy came in drunk and started

raising a ruckus

(Crosses R, sits)

POOPSIE

Did you bowl good, Babe?

37


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BABE

No. This wasn’t my night.

(Crosses L sees SID and GLADYS)

GLADYS

Come on, let’s dance.

(Gets up from table - crosses near SID, holds arm out invitingly)

POOPSIE

Babe, - you’re coming to the Union Rally aren’t you?

(SID rises, sees BABEs back, sits suddenly)

BABE

(Crosses R)

Well sure - what do you think?

GLADYS

What’s the matter, Sid?

SID

I don’t feel so good.

GLADYS

You’re sick, you mean?

SID

Not sick - just kind of depressed.

GLADYS

Oh look - don’t be repressed.

(Takes key from around her neck)

Wait a minute - look what I’m giving you. There it is

(Waves key in front of him)

See?

(Crosses L, sits)

Take it.

SID

This is a lousy trick, Gladys

38


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GLADYS

I’ll just lend it to you. But don’t tell anybody, and you gotta give it

back in the morning.

(BABE crosses to their table)

SID

Thanks a halluva lot.

GLADYS

Now you gonna cheer up, Sid

(Leans toward him. Sees BABE)

Hi, Babe.

SID

(Rises)

Yes, hello.

GLADYS

Sid and I are just old friends.

SID

Won’t you join us?

BABE

No, thank you. Gladys! I just came to tell you that Hinesy’s out for

blood.

SID

The damn fool

GLADYS

He’s always got a knife. He’s living in the past. That’s not healthy, do

you think so, Sid?

BABE

Look, I din’t come here to be funny, and I don’t come here because I’m

craving your company or wanting to join your party or anything like that.

I came here to tell you he’s dangerous.

39


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GLADYS

He talks dangerous, but he isn’t. I think I’ll take a nap.

(She puts her head on the table. BABE turns crosses to exit)

SID

Babe, please -

(Tries to stop her steps R - sees PREZ)

GLADYS

(Lifts head)

Oh, dear, a fallen woman - that’s what I am. I lost my key.

(Puts head back on table)

SID

(Crosses back to C)

I’m gonna get Prez to take you home. Is that all right?

GLADYS

(Looks up)

If Mr Hasler ever finds out……

SID

He won’t find out

GLADYS

I can’t face myself. I better take another nap

(Drops head again)

SID

(Crosses to PREZ taking money out of his pocket)

Prez,

(PREZ rises)

Pay up for me and take Gladys home, will ya?

PREZ

Gladys? Oh, sure, sure, Sid. Glad to.

SID

I’ve got some important bookkeeping to do. (Exits)

40


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PREZ

(To GLADYS)

Her is the cutest one.

GLADYS

(Raises head)

I remember you

(Drops head)

PREZ

(Sits)

You got class, you know it? Her is the cutest.

MAE

(Pops up from booth behind them - sticks head through lattice)

No, him is the cutest.

(PREZ rises)

PREZ

What?

(MAE comes out of booth L, crosses to him.)

MAE

You cornfed Romeo! I know what goes with you all right, all right!

(She starts after PREZ, who crosses R)

You snake in the grass. It doesn’t matter to you if you break a person’s

heart. I’ll claw your eyes out.

(Chases him out R)

GLADYS

(Applauds)

Encore, encore.

(Puts head back on table. HINES enters UL, drunk, crosses to L of GLADYS

stamps feet three times, drops knife)

Oh, I see you. You don’t need to drop anything.

(WAITER strikes chair R)

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HINES

(Picks up knife)

You abandoned woman - you hussey.

GLADYS

(Rises crosses DC)

After the way you behaved.

(WAITER strikes table to R)

Taking your pants off in Mr Hasler’s office.

(HINES put his arm around her shoulders. She pushes him away)

Don’t touch me! Prez will see me home

(Crosses to R, staggering and stops)

And I’m glad I never married you!

(Exits R)

42


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SCENE 7 - BEDROOOM

HINES

Prez, Sid, Tom, Dick, Harry -

( Music. HINES staggers back U to chair C, falls into it)

I Can see what marriage with Gladys would be like…

(HIDEAWAY set divides opening full stage to reveal bedroom)

HINES sits brooding on chair C, GLADYS enter DR dressed in a cheesy

bathrobe, with curlers in her hair. She is a terrible sight. HINES

pantomimes husband going to work, leaving her to scrub floor. After HE

exits, She is galvanised into action. There is a signal from a moosehead

that a man is approaching. She takes of her robe and curlers, puts on a

glamorous negligee and awaits the arrival of a debonair FRENCHMAN in

striped pants. This is HINES again. THEY dance around, making foolish

love. The moosehead lights up again, and she stuffs the FRENCHMAN into

her wardrobe closet.

SHE goes back and lies down on the bed, WRESTLER (kind of a Gorgeous

George), also HINES enters. THEY wrestle. Moosehead lights up, and SHE

stuffs him into wardrobe also. SHE dons her frumpy bathrobe and curlers,

starts to scrub floor. Her husband(HINES) arrives, goes to closet.

FRENCHMAN takes his hat and case from him. HINES does a double take,

wrenches open wardrobe door, and MEN come plummeting out. Dance around

GLADYS, Pick her up - move SR

DROP COMES IN

GLADYS does “strip” in front of it. HINES appears - then MABEL dressed in

angel’s costume and throws arms around him.

He breaks down and cries on MABEL’s shoulder. BOYS carry GLADYS off DL.

HINES follows with an oversize knife. MABEL as an angel, runs behind.

BLACKOUT

43


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SCENE 8 - THE OFFICE

(SID sitting at desk R with GLADYS’ Ledger. CHARLEY enters from R)

CHARLEY

(In door)

Sid.

SID

Morning, Charley

CHARLEY

(Crosses to behind SID)

There’s a committee from the union downstairs waiting to see you.

SID

Yeah, I sent for them.

CHARLEY

(Steps to L of him - Looks over his shoulder)

You been here all night?

(Crosses to door L)

SID

That’s no joke Charley, I have.

(Closes ledger. Picks up telephone)

I’d like to speak to Mr Hasler, please.

(To CHARLEY)

And what’s more I think I got something.

(At door L)

CHARLEY

Take it easy, boy

(He exits L)

44


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SID

(In phone)

Mr Hasler,

(He rises)

Could you come to the office right away?

(KNOCK)

Come in

(In phone)

It’s pretty important. Thanks

(Door opens and PREZ, JOSEPHINE and BABE enter R)

Come on in, please.

(PREZ steps to desk, JOSEPHINE, US of him, BABE last, closes door)

Sorry to have to drag you out so early but I knew you were having a union

rally and I wanted to talk to you first.

PREZ

That’s okay, Sid.

SID

I think I’ve got hold of some facts that may clean up this mess

PREZ

Well, it better be quick. Either we get the seven-and-a-half cents or we

strike

JOSEPHINE

You’re damned right

SID

What I want to ask is, will you, keep your rally going till I get there

and talk to you?

PREZ

What about?

SID

About solving this damned thing

45


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BABE

There ought to be a time limit.

SID

All right, you’re going to have a parade.

JOSEPHINE

We sure are

SID

That’ll give me time. I’ll be at the rally

PREZ

That’s fair enough.

(They start out)

SID

Oh, Miss Williams, can I speak to you?

PREZ

We’ll wait for you downstairs, Babe.

(Motions JOSEPHINE out of the door - follows. BABE looks at SID crosses

DS of desk)

SID

(Meeting her)

I know explanations are lousy.

BABE

(Starting to go)

Oh, no Sid I ……

SID

(Grabs her, puts her in chair L of desk)

Babe, please! You’ve got to let me explain.

BABE

I don’t want an explanation. It’s humiliating.

(Rises - crosses R)

46


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SID

But you mustn’t think ……

BABE

I don’t think anything. I don’t care.

(Turns to him)

Sid, if it’s about you and Gladys, it’s none of my business.

SID

But it is your business.

BABE

(Crosses DR)

Oh the hell with that. I’m talking about something bigger.

SID

Well this is just great. Can’t we even talk to each other and make sense

any more?

BABE

(Pause - Crosses C)

I don’t see how. Not until this is over.

SID

I’ve been eating mud long enough. I’ve had it.

BABE

(Turns to him)

What do you suggest, Sid?

SID

Meet me after the rally

BABE

I can’t, I have a date.

SID

Well, that’s that.

47


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BABE

(Crosses to door and immediately turns to him)

I’ll break it

(She exits. SID starts after her. Scream off L GLADYS enters)

GLADYS

Sid I got to warn you. Vernon’s not fooling this time. We’ve been at it

all night, screaming and yelling and -

SID

Just calm yourself, Gladys. I’ll fix everything, I’ll take him aside and

tell him the whole story. In the meantime here’s your key.

(HINES appear in doorway, aims knife, then disappears. SID takes key from

the pocket and puts it around her neck)

GLADYS

Listen - I thought I heard something -

(Screams - CLUNK - a knife dives into the wall near SID’s head. GLADYS

leaps away - kneels by desk SL and SID ducks)

SID

(Yelling)

You maniac! The fool!

(Rushes - crosses to door)

Hinesy, You damn fool!

(Looks at GLADYS)

Whey!

GLADYS

I told you I heard something.

SID

(Crosses back to GLADYS)

You heard something all right. Well, I’m glad he’s got that out of his

system.

GLADYS

(Rises)

How do we know that he has? How do we know -

48


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SID

(Goes to her)

Now, Gladys, cut it out.

(Takes her by shoulders)

It’s going to be all right. Now you -

(CLUNK. Another knife flies through the air and sticks in the desk near

SID. GLADYS screams and ducks. SID jumps)

GLADYS

(Crouching by desk SL)

You’ve got to stop him.

SID

I’ll fix that baby……

(Picks up a window opener for a club and stalks toward door R. HASLER

enters opposite side)

HASLER

(Crosses to desk R)

I hope this call turns out to be important

(HASLER is arrested by SID’s attitude with club)

What’s going on here?

(Sees knife in wall)

Now look! Look! That’s not nice. I don’t like this.

(Turns to SID)

This is company property, Sorokin.

SID

(Crosses back to C)

I’d better explain Mr Hasler

HASLER

I think somebody better

GLADYS

(Screaming)

Look out!

(CLUNK. Another knife just misses HASLER)

49


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HASLER

What the hell!

(GLADYS jumps half behind file cabinet - Crouches low SID crosses back C

back to wall, HASLER ducks behind chair at desk L)

They’re trying to murder me!

SID

(Exits R)

I’ll stop that

(He dashes out after HINES)

HASLER

(Hiding behind chair)

Call Senator Hickenlooper.

GLADYS

Yes, Sir!

(Reaches for phone on desk L)

HASLER

It’s a plot to murder me! They’ve imported gangsters from Chicago! The

old Al Capone gang.

GLADYS

(Holding phone)

I don’t think so, Mr Hasler

HASLER

Don’t argue with me! Didn’t you see those knives! That’s the work of

foreigners!

( Off stage music: Seven and a half cents - one and a half choruses - fade

out)

GLADYS

But, Mr Hasler.

50


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HASLER

(Pounding chair)

It’s Chicago gangsters!

GLADYS

Mr Hasler, It’s -

HASLER

(Hears singing)

They’re marching. What’s that?

GLADYS

No, it’s the Union Rally. They’re going to have a parade.

(SID comes in leading HINES by the arm. He carries a broken window opener

in the other hand. HINES has a bruise on his forehead. He hold a

handkerchief to it)

HASLER

(Crosses C)

Hines, where have you been? On the job, man. The place is full of

gangsters. They’re out to get me.

SID

(Lets HINES go - HINES crosses L, glares at GLADYS)

They’re not after you, Mr Hasler. They’re after me.

HASLER

(Crosses to SID’s desk)

Talk, talk. Why doesn’t someone do something?

(He grabs the phone. In phone)

Get me the police.

SID

(Crosses to R of HASLER. Taking the phone away from him and hanging up -

puts the window pole on desk)

You don’t want to arrest Hines, do you?

HASLER

Hines?

51


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SID

He was trying to kill me.

HASLER

He was?

(Turns to HINES)

Hines, supppose you’d succeeded and me right in the middle of labour

troubles. Suppose you’d hit him?

HINES

I could have hit him if I wanted to. I was just trying to scare him.

(Hangs his head, ashamed)

HASLER

(To SID)

Is this what you called me about, to come here and risk my life?

SID

No!

HASLER

(Looks at HINES and GLADYS)

I don’t want to be involved in these personal matters.

SID

I called you because there’s going to be a strike this morning unless you

listen to me

HASLER

I told you. I’m a fighter

SID

So am I

HASLER

What?

SID

Gladys, have his head patched up.

52


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GLADYS

(Crosses to HINES, takes his arm. Holding door)

All right, Vernon

HINES

(Pulling away)

Take your hands off me - I’m a fighter, I am!

GLADYS

Come on, Tiger!

(GLADYS and HINES go out L - HASLER looks after them)

SID

Mr Hasler. I’m going before the Board of Directors.

HASLER

(Turning)

You are What?

SID

If I can’t solve this any other way.

HASLER

Solve what?

(Crosses LC)

Sometimes I think ……

SID

(Picks up ledger)

I’ve been up all night with your ledger.

HASLER

What did you say?

SID

I apoloogise. I know you didn’t hire me as a safe-cracker, but I had to

get some facts. I’ve been through your books.

53


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HASLER

You mean to say that….?!

SID

That seven-and-a-half cents was added to the operating costs six months

ago. You saw the trend, got a head-start and pocketed the difference

before you had to give it the workers

HASLER

I could have you arrested

SID

And I could have you exposed! Or we can keep this “secret” to ourselves

and give these people what they deserve; A seven-and-a-half cent raise.

So what’ll it be?

HASLER

I can fire you, that’s what I can do.

SID

No you can’t. But you can give that raise, if you don’t, I’ll go before

the board and tell them the situation and tell them how many orders have

been cancelled.

HASLER

Not one damn order -

SID

(Crosses to HASLER)

Read your mail. There’s a dozen cancellation. Mabel’s tried all day

yesterday to tell you about Marx and Klein.

(HASLER turns front)

And if this operation folds up, I fold up with it. And I don’t want to,

so do me a favour

(SID pushes chair under HASLER)

Sit down and talk to me.

(BLACKOUT)

54


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SCENE 9 - THE RALLY

(During dialogue people gradually drive on)

BRENDA

Sure, Hasler was in Sorokin’s office when we marched by the factory. Now

he’ll know we mean business

RITA

Here comes Prez.

(PREZ enters DR wearing a blue ribbon.Crosses LC)

BRENDA

(Crosses to PREZ)

Hey, why ain’t you in the parade, Prez?

(MAE has entered DL)

PREZ

I don’t want to get out of breath before making my speech.

JOSEPHINE

This will wake them up.

PREZ

(Turns to MAE)

Is my ribbon straight?

MAE

I don’t know ask your wife.

BRENDA

(Crosses between PREZ and MAE)

We’re sure to win ain’t we, Prez?

(BABE enter DL)

PREZ

What kind of question is that? Sure we are.

(POOPSIE enters)

Babe will tell you

55


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BABE

(Crosse LC)

The answer is yes - that’s the answer to everything today. What is it?

BRENDA

I just asked are we going to win the strike.

BABE

(Crosses C)

Sure we’re going to win and that ain’t all.

PREZ

Babe and me was up half the night figuring things out. I got it all

written down on paper.

BRENDA

What do you mean, Prez?

PREZ

I figured it out

I figured it out

With a pencil and a pen I figured it out.

Seven and a half cents doesn't buy a helluva lot,

Seven and a half cents doesn't mean a thing!

But give it to me every hour,

Forty hours every week,

And that's enough for me to be living like a king!

I figured it out

ALL

He figured it out!

PREZ

I figured it out

ALL

He figured it out!

56


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PREZ

With a pencil and a pad I figured it out!

Only five years

ALL

Five years!

PREZ

From today!

ALL

From today!

PREZ

Only five years

ALL

Five years!

PREZ

From today!

ALL

From today!

PREZ

I can see it all before me!

Only five years from today!

Five years! Let's see..thats 260 weeks, times forty hours every week, and

roughly two and a quarter hours overtime.. at time

and a half for overtime! Comes to exactly.. $852.74!

That's enough for me to get

An automatic washing machine,

A years supply of gasoline,

Carpeting for the living room,

GIRLS

A vacuum instead of a blasted broom,

57


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PREZ

Not to mention a forty inch television set!

ALL

So! Although!





And that's enough for me to be living like a king!

BABE

I figured it out

ALL

She figured it out! She figured it out!

(Babe)

I figured it out!

With a pencil and a pad I figured it out.

Only ten years from today,

Only ten years from today,

I can see it, clear as daylight,

Only ten years from today!

Ten years! Let's see..thats 520 weeks, times forty hours every week, and

roughly two and a quarter hours overtime.. at time

and a half for overtime! Comes to exactly.. $1705.48!

ALL

Hooray!

BABE

That's enough for me to buy

ALL

WHAT?

58


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BABE

A trip to France across the seas,

A motorboat and water skis,

Maybe even a foregian car,

JOSEPHINE

A charge account at the corner bar,

BABE

Not to mention a scrabble board with letters made of gold!

PREZ

We figured it out!

ALL

They figured it out!

They figured it out!

BABE AND PREZ

We figured it out!

ALL

With a pencil and a pad they figured it out

GROUP 1 GROUP 2

So! Although!

Seven and a half cents

doesn't buy a hell of a lot,

Seven and a half cents

doesn't mean a thing!



And that's enough for me to be

living like a king

We figured it out

We figured it out

We figured it out

We figured it out

I figured that

give it to me every hour,



living like a king

59


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BABE

Only twenty years from today

ALL

Doo - wah

PREZ


ALL

Doo - wah

PREZ

I can see it like a vision

ALL


(OOOOOH! during dialogue)

PREZ

Twenty years! Let's see..thats 1040 weeks,

BABE

Times forty hours every week,

PREZ

Roughly two and a quarter hours overtime……at……

BABE

Time and a half for overtime!

PREZ

Comes to exactly.. $3411.96!

ALL

Wow!

60


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PREZ

That's enough for me to be

ALL

Yeah!

PREZ

A sultan in a taj mahal

In every room a different doll!

BABE

I'll have myself a buying spree,

I'll buy a pajama factory,

Then I could end up having old man Hasler work for me!

ALL

So! Although!






Living (Seven and a half cents)

Like a king!

(SID enters from L makes way D LC, HINES sneaks on behind him and lies

unseen behind chorus)

SID

Prez.

PREZ

Yeah?

SID

We can settle this strike.

61


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PREZ

Well, how?

SID

Sleep Tite can offer you a compromise

PREZ

What?

SID

Mr Hasler will give you the seven-and-a-half cents if you give up your

claims for retroactive pay.

MAE

We ain’t giving up nothing

(BABE crosses DC)

PREZ

Now wait……Sid……I don’t know

BABE

Well, I do. Let’s get it over. We’ve won.

All

We’ve won, we’ve won!

JOSEPHINE

(Runs in)

Hasler’s talking. He’s at the rally.

CROWD

Hooray!

PREZ

Come on!

(The CROWD rushes out R)

62


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HINES

I told you this show was about capital and labour!

BABE

Sid……

SID

All I did was get the key to the book from Gladys, so I could see what

Hasler was up to.

BABE

He cooked the books?

SID

You don’t know half of it

BABE

Sid?

SID

Yeah?

BABE

You’ve been so wonderful (Pause) I could kiss you

SID

I wouldn’t want to be kissed for settling a strike.

BABE

No?

SID

Of course, if it’s anything personal

BABE

Oh, extremely personal

(They kiss)

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HINES

Embarrassing I call it.

BABE

I love you

SID

Tell me

BABE

I love you

SID

Tell me

BABE

I love you

SID

Tell me more

BABE

What a man I tell you

More than lion loves her cub

SID

More than a limey loves his pub

BABE

More than a flounder loves his fin

SID

More than a guzzler loves his gin

More

BABE

More,

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SID

More,

BABE

More,

SID

More,

BABE

More,

SID

More,

BABE

More

(They exit)

HINES

They’ll never last. And now we’ll take you to one of the town’s most

exclusive clubs where a party is being given jointly by Mr Hasler and the

Union. We were told to dress for the occasion.

(He Exits)

SID BABE

There once was a man,

Who loved a woman

She was the one he

Slew the dragon for

They say that no-

body ever loved

As much as he-ee,

But me-ee,

I love you more.

But me-ee,

I love you more!

There once was a woman

Who loved a man

He was the one that

She took poison for!

They say that no-

body ever loved

As much as she-ee,

But me-ee,

I love you more

But me-ee

I love you more!

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SCENE 10 - HERNANDO’S HIDEAWAY

MAX

Attention! Step back more …… Quiet! Quiet!

HASLER

(Crossing to C from R)

Now, Max

MAX

Yes, M. H

HASLER

I just want to say one word.

MAX

Okay, M. H

HASLER

(To audience)

Fellow Sleep Titers, this demonstration of harmony in our factory hits

something deep inside of me and I know this party of yours is going to be

a great success because it stems from genuine Sleep Tite spirit of

solidarity

(Crosses SR GIRL kisses HASLER)

ALL

Hooray!

MAX

Well, we sure all say “Okay” to that, M.H.

So on with our little tribute to Sleep Tite Pajamas. And - Now on with

the Sleep Tite Fashion parade. Wear Sleep Tite at all social functions.

Hit it fellas!

All

Doo doo doo doo dooo

(Panel curtain opens revealing workers one and a time clad in varying

pajamas)

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MABEL

I love Sleep Tite, when I work all day, but they’re better at night when

it’s time to play.

MAX

Sleep Tite has everything ……grace , style and comfort.

BRENDA

I’m grace

POOPSIE

I’m style

MAE (BRENDA AND POOPSIE)

I’m comfort

PREZ

Comfort suits me very well but marriages kind of……

MAX

Wear Sleep Tite for happy family life

HINE

Now I trust her night and day

GLADYS

That’s true love the Sleep Tite way!

MAX

And another point Sleep Tite is economical!

SID

Married life is lots of fun

BABE

Two can sleep as cheap as one

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ALL

The Pajama Game

Is the game we’re in.

And we’re proud to be

In the Pajama Game

We love it.

We can hardly wait to wake

And get to work at eight

Nothing's quite the same

As the Pajama Game.

BABE

Sleep Tite Folks!

(BOWS)

ALL




GIRLS


ALL

That's enough for me to be

Living Like a king!

pajama game script act 2 v.1

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