parenting the hurting child for adoptive and foster...the boy who was raised as a dog: and other...
TRANSCRIPT
CARING FOR THE
HURTING A Training for Caregivers
Kenny Tello, LCSW, CAP, CCTP
407-417-7430 ext. 2226
Housekeeping Items
Cellphones
Sharing
Questions
Learn about how children develop relationships.
Learn basic information about the brain.
Learn about the role of trauma in children’s behavioral problems.
Learn practical strategies to help hurting children heal.
Increase confidence in caring for these children.
PARENTING THE
HURTING CHILD
Attachment Cycle
TRAUMA
Examples: domestic violence,
substance abuse exposure,
threats, abuse, neglect,
moving, loss, bullying, etc.
Virtually anything can
become traumatic.
It depends on how the body
and brain respond to the
event and how the child
makes sense of it.
“A deeply distressing, unpleasant, difficult or disturbing experience”
The Brain
• The main purpose is to keep us alive.
• It develops from the bottom up.
• Information goes in from the bottom up.
• The brain is a historical organ.
• Freeze / Flight / Fight / Collapse
• All experiences shape the brain.
• Tolerance ———————— Sensitivity
Coherent Narrative
This “making sense” involves
both:
The Top Brain
The Bottom Brain
Making Sense of What Happened
Diagnosis and the DSM 5
RELATIONSHIPS
Seen Safe
Soothed Secure
What Does NOT Work:
Punishment
Time-outs
Threats
Deprivation
“Equality”
What DOES Work: Touch
Eye Contact
Movement
Rhythm
Rhymes
Predictability
Praise
Reasonable Expectations
What Should You Do? Watch expectations.
Parent children sequentially even if it doesn’t make sense chronologically.
Increase support system.
Consequences without anger.
Avoid control battles.
Choose your battles.
Interactions should never be a reward.
Seek professional help when behaviors are extreme.
Take care of yourself.
References
Clark, L., & Robb, J. (2005). SOS help for parents: A practical guide for handling common everyday behavior
problems. Bowling Green, KY: SOS Programs & Parents Press.
Doherty, W. J. (1999). The intentional family: Simple rituals to strengthen family ties. New York: Avon Books.
Eldridge, S. (1999). Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew. New York, NY: Dell Pub.
Forbes, H. T., & Post, B. B. (2006). Beyond consequences, logic, and control: A love-based approach to
helping attachment-challenged children with severe behaviors. Orlando, FL: Beyond Consequences Institute.
Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1998). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, NY: Simon &
Schuster.
Keck, G. C., Kupecky, R. M., & Mansfield, L. G. (2002). Parenting the hurt child: Helping adoptive families
heal and grow. Colorado Springs, CO: Pinon Press.
Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2006). The boy who was raised as a dog: And other stories from a child
psychiatrist's notebook : what traumatized children can teach us about loss, love, and healing. New York:
Basic Books.
Purvis, K. B., Cross, D. R., & Sunshine, W. L. (2007). The connected child: Bring hope and healing to your
adoptive family. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Siegel, D. J. (2013). Brainstorm: The power and purpose of the teenage brain.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's
developing mind. New York: Delacorte Press.
Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help
you raise children who thrive. New York: J.P. Tarcher/Putnam.
Szalavitz, M., & Perry, B. D. (2010). Born for love: Why empathy is essential-- and endangered. New York:
William Morrow.