parents ink winter edition

~ Fall 2014

Art

Photography

Poetry

And More

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

Dear Readers,

T his has been a wild ride! Everyone came down with the flu right before production was to begin and that messed

up the whole schedule. However, it was a fantastic lesson in perseverance, prioritizing of goals, and what we really want to do with this brain child of Parents Ink!

I’m so pleased that we were able to come together and give you a beautiful, thoughtful magazine that we hope will enrich your lives and encourage you to view parenting as a creative adventure. Everyone here is a parent or grandparent simply wanting to share their gifts and talents with you. Enjoy!

Best,

Jeni Tetamore Editor-in-Chief

PARENTS INK ACCEPTS:

● Fiction

● Creative Nonfiction

● Poetry/Prose

● Essay

● Article

● How--To Article

● Recipes

● Product/Book/Movie Re-

view

● Photography

● Graphic Art

● Cartoon/Comic

● Images of physical art

such as:

Painting

Sculpture

Jewelry

Pottery

Quilting

Needlework

And More

Send all submissions to:

[email protected]

mailto:[email protected]?subject=Submission

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

HELLO NUMBERS DISCOVERY PACK is a portable multisensory learning tool that reduces math anxiety by turning numbers into “friends you can count on.” Each plush number includes magnets on both sides of its “head,” allowing the creation of multiple-digit numbers, and embroidered dots on the back link the number shape to its quantity. The number characters also appear in the associated book Hello Numbers and free tablet app for iPads. The book includes 72 stickers and a decoder in the shape of Zero that allows children to create their own numbers and discover secrets on each two-page spread. The combination of book, plush and app makes this a great way to introduce children to the fun and friendly number characters!

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

I have to think to breathe; I keep glancing at the funeral home.

Mom and Dad are sitting in the front. Mom turns and looks at me,

“Are you ready?”

I glance up at her and mutter, “As ready as I can be.” Tears form in my eyes.

They get out of the car and wait as I force my body to move. My legs feel as though

they are bricks. My heart stops as I close the door; Mom walks over to me and puts

her hand on my shoulder, “Shawntee, just remember all the good times you had with

~ Fall 2014

Michelle. She would want that.”

I was five years old when I first

met Michelle Anderson, Jesse her

husband, her children David and

Adrianne. Adrianne was eight years old,

the same age as my sister, Niki. They

quickly became friends, and soon our

whole family became friends. While

following Niki and Adrianne around all

the time, I got to know Michelle better.

Michelle was in her mid-thirties.

Long brown hair, incredible dark brown

eyes, with a kind and loving face, she

had a bright big smile and a laugh that

was contagious. She cared about all the

people in her life. In my eyes, Michelle

was a wife, a mother, and a good friend;

she was absolutely perfect to me. Her

soul and heart were strong. She was

once in the military and very proud. I

thought that was the coolest thing in

the world. She quickly became one of

my favorite people to be around. She

was there for me and would help me

when I needed it, especially when it

came to Niki and Adrianne.

Niki and I were playing at their

house one time, and Niki decided to

spend the night with Adrianne. I asked

if I could stay, but both Niki and

Adrianne said no. Michelle heard me ask

them if I could stay. She told them they

had to be nice and let me spend the

night too. It was one of the worst nights

that I can remember from my

childhood. That was the night Niki and

Adrianne convinced me they were

powerful witches by calling upon Jon

Benet Ramsey. They wanted to know

how she was killed. It was the biggest

story on the news. We sat in a circle in

Adrianne’s room with a box in the

~ Fall 2014

middle of us and a candle. The lights

were off only the candle gave us a little

flickering light. Niki’s face was dark, and

Adrianne’s was coming in and out of

darkness from the candle. Niki looked at

me and laughed, “Are you sure you still

want to be here?”

“I’m not afraid. I can be a big kid

just like you!” I tried very hard to sound

confident, but I was trembling.

Adrianne just looked at me and

rolled her eyes, “Let’s get started.”

“Okay, everyone grab hands and

make sure you close your eyes. We need

to all whisper her name over and over.

When I feel her presence I will ask her

the question.”

I nodded still pretending I wasn’t

scared. I grabbed one of their hands on

each side of me and closed my eyes. I

did what I was told and whispered her

name over and over. Everything from

that point on made my stomach turn.

Niki stopped chanting her name,

“Jon Benet Ramsey, we want to know

who killed you and how. Please tell us.”

I continued to chant until I noticed

that Adrianne also went silent and they

were no longer holding my hands. I

opened my eyes to find Niki acting as

though she had a knife in her hands and

Adrianne was on the floor under Niki.

Niki started to move her hands up and

down as if she were stabbing Adrianne

over and over. I screamed and ran out

of the room. I was in tears; my heart

was racing as I ran downstairs to

Michelle.

“What’s wrong, Shawntee?”

Michelle hugged me as I ran into her.

“Jon Benet Ramsey possessed Niki

and Adrianne and showed us how she

~ Fall 2014

was killed.” I looked up at Michelle and saw her smile and slightly shake her head.

“Oh honey, they were just teasing you. Let’s watch a movie.” We sat down on

the couch and watched until I fell asleep.

I started going over to their house not to play with Niki and Adrianne, but to

hang out with Michelle. I remember

sitting at her bar watching her cook

in the kitchen.

“I asked Bobby out today.” I couldn’t

hold back my giggle.

Michelle looked up from the counter,

“Well what did he say?”

“He said it’s still the beginning of the year. He wants to get used to school again

before he gets a girlfriend.” I looked down at the counter and started playing with my

hands.

“Maybe he has a point. School is the most important thing right now. You

shouldn’t even bother with those silly boys.”

“Not bother with boys. Are you crazy?” I jumped out of my seat and laughed.

“Shawntee, you’re young and have a lot of life ahead of you. To worry so much

about boys right now could make things harder for you. An education is important.”

She wasn’t smiling anymore. I could tell she was being serious, but I didn’t like it

when she was serious; I got enough of that kind of stuff from Mom. That was the

~ Fall 2014

thing about Michelle though; she always

gave good advice.

When I was in the fourth grade I

switched to a new school, and Mom

made plans for Michelle to watch me

once in a while when I was off track. I

loved it. I would go over to her house

with a bunch of activities and she would

always do them with me. I remember

one activity I brought over was this

mermaid fish tank. It was supposed to

be one that lasted forever. The water

was actually gel. Once we put the sand

in the bottom and got the gel to the

correct consistency we put the fake

plants and mermaid in. “This can last

forever just like our friendship.” I ran to

Michelle’s side and gave her a hug. I

must have startled her because the way

she flinched when I touched her was a

little weird.

I would help her clean around

the house, something I didn’t really do

at my own house. I would follow her

around to each room talking nonstop,

“Cleaning at your house is way more

fun than at mine.”

Michelle laughed, “Yes, but you

should still be nice and help your mom

and dad out. You don’t want to live in a

messy house do you?”

“I guess you’re right.” That

was a conversation my mom was happy

for because I actually did start helping

around our house a little more.

Michelle would take me shopping,

and since she was a veteran she was

able to go to certain stores that were

on a base. There were a lot of other

veterans there. I would see all the men

and women, walking around and

wonder what happened to them. Some

~ Fall 2014

were hurt, some missing

limbs, made me sad but also

happy because they were

willing to give up so much

for us. Michelle always told

me, “Don’t feel sad for them.

Be thankful that they were

willing to fight for America.

Be grateful for what they

have given up for you and

their families. People who

choose to go into the military

know what they are getting

into, and they do it proudly.”

I looked up at her,

“Just like you?”

Michelle grabbed my hand and squeezed, “I was willing to give up everything.”

“You don’t look like you’re hurt though, you look nothing like some of

these men and women.” I pointed to some of the people around us.

“No, but the damage isn’t always visible. Now let’s leave and get other

errands done.”

~ Fall 2014

I didn’t understand what she meant. How could damage from the military

not be visible?

I thought I knew her well, but there were times I would walk into a room

and notice her acting different than normal. One time I looked at her face and it was

almost as if she wasn’t really there. The moment she saw me though, it was as if she

was back to normal and nothing ever happened. I never asked because I wasn’t sure

I actually saw anything.

One night, I woke up to

flashing lights coming from

outside. When I got up and

looked out the window

there was an ambulance at

the end of the block. Jesse

was standing there by the

stretcher. Michelle was on

the stretcher, but she wasn’t really moving. I could see little straps around her waist.

It scared me; I wanted to cry and run to my parent’s room, but I couldn’t tear myself

away from the window. After that night Michelle stopped watching me. No one told

me what happened that night or why she wasn’t able to watch me anymore. That

was in the middle of fifth grade.

The last time I saw Michelle was when, my oldest sister Ilea went into labor,

~ Fall 2014

and both my parents were at the hospital

with her. Mom made arrangements with

Michelle for me and Niki to stay at her

house that night.

After that Michelle and her family

moved I lost contact with her because I

was getting older and busier with soccer,

friends, and school. I was finally in sixth

grade. I loved it, and I was excited because my teachers had both my sisters at one

point so they knew me. I was ready for a good year. I kept my grades up and played

soccer. I didn’t think much about Michelle, and I feel horrible about that. I had my

own friends though, so going over to Michelle’s wasn’t something I even thought

about.

One Sunday, I was at my friend Shannon’s house waiting for my parents

to come pick me up. I was getting anxious since they told me they were going to be

there at eleven and it was already one. They were never late. It was an extremely

hot day. The sun was out and shinning brighter than ever, not a cloud in sight. I was

in my favorite dark blue jean shorts with stars on the back pockets and my favorite

turquoise tank top; I could smell the fresh cut grass from all around. When my

parents finally came, both my sisters and my nephew were in the car. Niki was in

tears, and everyone else was really quiet. Mom said hello, opened up the back door

~ Fall 2014

and helped me get in. It was the

quietest ride home I ever

experienced. My family was never

quiet. I knew something was wrong,

but I had no idea what. I was staring

at Niki, but she wouldn’t return the

look. Ilea kept glancing back at me,

but no matter how much I smiled she

wouldn’t. She wouldn’t talk to me

either.

I finally gave up trying to get

someone to tell me because I was

starting to feel uncomfortable. I just

sat back put my legs up and held on.

When we got home everyone quickly

got out of the car and went inside. I

waited for mom to come open the door;

it felt like hours before she got to me.

When she opened it she looked at me

with sad eyes. As I started to get out of

the car I grabbed her hand, “What’s

wrong mom?”

She put her other hand on top of

mine, “Sweetie, Michelle died

yesterday.”

The words came out of her

mouth. I saw her lips moving, but I still

didn’t believe it. “No! You’re joking. This

is just some horrible joke!”

~ Fall 2014

May 8th, 1999 is the day that my

second mom, one of my best friends

died. She died a horrible death. There

were things about Michelle that no one

ever told me, because they didn’t think I

would understand. She was in a hotel

room and had an PTSD episode, and she

fell from a sixth floor balcony. No one

really knows the full story, because

Adrianne wasn’t in the room at the

time. It was all just a guess. It was

something I didn’t want to believe

“Shawntee, are we going in?” Dad

pulls me from my thoughts.

“Yes, I have to say good bye.” With

Mom on one side and Dad on the

other we slowly walk into the funeral

home.

As we walk into the room, there

are flowers and candles all around,

rows full of people crying. I look up at

the front of the room where the casket

sits. It’s open, and knowing that her

body is laying there lifeless, tears fall

down my cheeks. Calm quiet music plays

as whispers, and whimpers come from

the people in the room.

I see Adrianne and David sitting in

the front row both crying. I’m not able to

~ Fall 2014

talk to them. I don’t want to upset

them anymore, and I’m afraid I will

start crying. She was their mother. I

feel like if I cry more than them I’ll look

like a fool. Jesse wasn’t crying, just

standing at the end of the row talking

to some friends. A picture of Michelle

stands next to the casket. It’s a military

picture; her holding a gun her hair

pulled back, a serious but calm face.

She was beautiful, proud as she

would’ve said. As I walk up to the

casket I grab Mom’s hand and squeeze.

My heart is throbbing. I feel light

headed like I’m going to pass out, but I

have to go see her. Mom pulls me back,

“Now Shawntee, don’t forget, Michelle

isn’t going to look like herself. They had

to do some work to help her look as

normal as possible.” I nod, let go of her

hand and walk up to the casket. It feels

as though the casket was miles away.

I have my eyes closed as I step

up to the casket. I take a deep breath

in and open my eyes. To look down on

her peaceful body makes my stomach

turn. She is laying there with her hands

on her stomach. She is wearing a light

blue dress suit. She has make-up on, I

can tell they used a lot because they

want to cover up bruises and make sure

she looks as beautiful as she did when

she was alive. She never wore make-up

when she was alive, so no matter how

much they put on or try she doesn’t

look like herself. It takes me a minute

to notice that she has no neck. At that

moment I freak out and turn into Mom

crying hysterically, I can’t hold it in

anymore.

I should never have gone to the

wake. I know that now. I was too

~ Fall 2014

young to really understand what was

going on. I now have two pictures of

Michelle engraved in my mind, and one

of them I wish so much that I could just

throw away. Losing her was a shock,

and it was hard enough to go through.

The wake was the hardest part of it all.

Seeing her lifeless body in her casket

tore my heart from my chest, and made

my legs feel like jelly. Knowing that I

was never going to see her again was

horrifying.

The next day was her funeral, and

since she was a veteran she received

the military salute and send off. I went

through this type of funeral before when

my Grandfather died, so I was ready for

the gun fire. They cremated her body

after the wake. Seeing that little urn full

of her ashes compared to the big casket

she was in the day before, killed me on

the inside. By that point I wasn’t able to

stop crying, my body finally gave up. I

was no longer the strong girl. I wanted

to run away, and pretend none of this

was happening. I was hurting worse

than I thought possible. I kept hoping,

Michelle would come out and say it was

all a joke that she was okay, but of

course it never happened.

I will always hold on to her

memory. She was an amazing woman,

and I am truly grateful to have met her.

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

It seems like there’s always more to the story…

I last wrote on changes and transitions. I was planning for retirement, thinking of

selling our house, being an ‘empty-nester’ and filled with plans and dreams. I still

have all of the plans and dreams…we still have all the plans and dreams, but they are

farther in the future than we first thought!

You have probably heard the statement, ‘Man makes plans and God laughs’. It’s true!

In our planning, we forgot to consider the ‘God factor’, and had followed our own

way. Here’s what happened…

Over a period of 8 or 9 months, I came to the end of all of my commitments. I was a

‘Mentor Mom’ in a long running morning Bible study. Over the past couple of years

there have been no new younger moms for us to mentor. Our ‘veterans’ were well

trained and reaching out both at church and in the community, which was the goal of

the program. The Mentor Moms realized the need for the group was nearing its end,

so we prepared a grand finale and called it finished. End of my commitment.

I attempted to contact a couple of the younger women in church to participate in an

ongoing fellowship group. Every time I attempted to connect with one of the women

involved, they were somehow unavailable. Roadblock to me…

My husband and I had been involved in a Bible study/Fellowship group with other

couples in our neighborhood for several years. We decided at the end of a school year

to stop meeting for the summer and see

what the Lord had in store. All were in

agreement to break for the summer.

Another ‘end of commitment’ for me.

My husband thought we needed a 2nd

vehicle. An SUV, exactly with all of the

‘bells and whistles’ he deemed necessary

‘just happened’ to be available when he

was out car shopping one Saturday. He

called a dealership on a whim and was told

~ Fall 2014

they did not have what he was looking for…a salesman called back within about 5

minutes and said they actually DID have one, but it wasn’t even in their system and

hadn’t been prepped or detailed for the sales yard! He drove over, looked, found it

perfect, and at the exact right price. SOLD! Planning ahead for the future while God

looks on, laughing!

My husband also tried very persistently to purchase a tow-behind travel trailer for

our next stage of life. He drove all over the area looking at trailers and refining his

vision for what our needs would be. He drove to a few other states following up on

phone calls – salesmen who told him they had exactly what he wanted for exactly

the right price. We took a few road trips to view these trailers and, imagine! NONE

were the right trailer or the right price. He even found a few that were ‘good enough’

and tried to purchase. Each deal fell through for one reason or another.

Roadblock!

Fast forward a few months and we

became new grandparents! Our

children were in need of childcare for

their new baby and without the

resources they needed in their area.

Let’s see…

1) No commitments or

obligations.

Check.

2) Second car.

Check.

3) Availability and willingness to serve.

Check.

Everything lined up perfectly so that we could be available to help our loved ones

during a time of transition. Sometimes God lays things out so plainly – in neon

footsteps - you just can’t miss it!

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

Homeopathy and naturopathy have been around since man first figured out chewing mint would freshen his breath, willow bark would relieve his pain, and crushing certain herbs together would ease digestion. There is literature from thousands of years ago, written on papyrus or carved into stone, illustrating remedies that one could derive from natural resources by the doctors and shamans of the time. In more recent years, people have again begun to turn to natural remedies in an effort to cut some of the chemical dependence from their daily lives.

However, there is a common misconception that the shift toward homeopathy and naturopathy is recent, or at least something that has really only been become popular again in the last thirty or forty years except this is not the case at all. With companies like Boiron being around since 1932 (that's 83 years ago, folks!), the truth is homeopathy and naturopathic medicine has been on the public market for quite a while!

Boiron is one of the longest run homeopathic pharmaceutical companies in existence. It was started by twin brothers and pharmacists Jean and Henri Boiron in Lyon, France with a commitment to ensure they only produced high-quality medicines from plants harvested in the French Alps. Obviously, since then they have expanded to become a global company with corporate presences in the United States, Africa, India, Europe, Asia, and Eastern Europe.

One of the aspects I appreciate about Boiron is there line of products for infants and children. We've used their products as a family for years, and life would have been significantly more uncomfortable without things like Chestal, Camilia Teething Tablets, Oscillococcinum Cold Care, and Arnicare Pain Relief. Here we will explore some of these products, their reviews, and how they might benefit your family. Keep in mind, this in no way constitutes health care advice and should not take the place of visiting your physician or pediatrician if you or your child is sick.

~ Fall 2014

CHESTAL COUGH SYRUP

*Appropriate for ages 2-years to adult

Probably the most significant aspect of this medication is the fact that it does not contain any of the ingredients recently questioned by the U.S. Food and Drug Administrations for use in little ones. There are no known side effects (including drowsiness), nor risk of drug interactions or overdose if used in conjunction with other cold medication, yet it soothes dry, irritated throats while making coughs more productive. The goal of a good cough syrup is to make the cough productive while not weakening the person, so what Chestal's homeopathic medicines do is loosen chest congestion and thinning the bronchial secretions so that it makes the cough more productive with less work allowing the person to expectorate.

What we've especially liked is that it tastes good and works so the little ones don't fight us when we feel like it's time to give them the medicine and they experience quick relief. While the medicine itself doesn't make them drowsy, since they are soothed, they are more ready for sleep and certainly sleep better than with other options we've tried. One thing to note is that it's definitely not appropriate for children under one because the main ingredient is honey and they should not have honey period.

When surveying various websites, the average review was 4.5 stars with very positive comments!

CAMILIA TEETHING RELIEF

* Infant and up

Teething is tough, on everyone. I remember being a young mother and my grandmother (who raised 6 children) telling me to get out the whiskey, rub a little on the gums and then you take a sip... One of you would sleep through it! In truth, this isn't bad advice when I started looking at all the chemicals found in teething gels and I hated the idea of putting all that in my baby. Whiskey was looking like a much better, more natural solution. Frankly, it's what most parents used for hundreds of years because it's not like you were going to get your little one drunk on the minute amount of alcohol that you would rub on the gums to numb them.

However, let's be honest, people start to freak a bit when you mention bourbon and babies in the same sentence, so finding a natural alternative was becoming paramount. I had tried several natural remedies with varying degrees of success, but when I found Camilia, I found what I had hoped to find – relief for baby and me without troubling side effects.

Camilia does two things – soothes the gums and reduces swelling associated with teething while also relieveing tummy upset and the minor digestive issues that are often due to teething. It was voted as a best new product by pharmacists in France in 2004 after its launch. Each dose is an individually packaged liquid that is absorbed sublingually into the bloodstream, which also means it acts quicker than something that has to go through the digestive system.

~ Fall 2014

ARNICARE

* For anyone

This is one product I rarely leave home without! Seriously. When our boys were younger and playing sports all year long, Arnicare was in my bag at all times. The kids called it “The Magic Goo” (mostly because it looks disturbingly like snot!), but if they got hit by a pitch or banged up on the football field, they came looking for it right quick. Arnicare comes in several different forms – creams, gels, or homeopathic tablets that you take under the tongue – so you can choose how you prefer to use it. The best part is that the topicals are odorless and non-sticky, yet relieve muscle aches, bruising, stiffness, and swelling.

Arnica, also known as Arnica Montana or the Mountain Daisy, is a perennial plant found in the northwestern United States and central Europe. It has been used for centuries as a natural pain reliever, although caution should be practiced if the skin is red, irritated, or broken as this is meant to be absorbed through the skin and if placed on skin that is broken or irritated could cause additional problems to that area. If you feel you need a more systemic approach, try the pellets in conjunction with the gel or cream.

OSCILLOCOCCINUM

* Safe for 2-years to adult

* Pronounced either “O-sill-o-kahks-see-num” OR “OH-sill-oh-cox-see-num” (or if you're my oldest son, “Oh-so-silly-coconuts” - don't ask me, but it seems to work for him when he asks the pharmacist!)

~ Fall 2014

We love love love this stuff! Especially this past holiday season when we all came down with the flu for the first time in years and mine was compounded with a relapse in pneumonia, so I also had to be on super evil antibiotics that made me almost as sick as the pneumonia did! We gave Oscillo to our littlest guy (3-years old) all the way up to my mother (63-years old) and everyone in between.

This year the media is stating that the flu shot is not as effective as it has been in years past, so it could be a particularly nasty flu season. Speaking from our experience, the high fever, nasty cough, body aches, and chills were enough to make us all rather wish for death at least once. It was bad bad stuff, because we're generally a pretty happy crew. However, we went and got the family pack (30 doses!) and took it religiously at the first signs of being sick and none of us were truly symptomatic for more than about 2 days (except me, but there was the pneumonia to consider there, too).

Oscillococcinum has been on the French market for more than 75 years and just recently won the PTPA seal for North America (“Parent Tested, Parent Approved”). PTPA Media is North America's largest volunteer parenting testing community and to be awarded the seal, the product must be evaluated by independent parent volunteers. Additionally, clinical studies have shown the Oscillo helps reduce the severity and the duration of flu-like symptoms when taken within 24 hours of the onset of symptoms with nearly 63% showing “clear improvement” or “clear resolution” within 24 hours.

Since it doesn't cause drowsiness or interact with other medications or supplements, it's considered safe to use by just about everyone from 2-year olds to seniors. The pellets dissolve instantly under the tongue, making them very user friendly even for the most resistant child.

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

I bet you’ve

seen the

magazines

or DIY programs

featuring big,

glossy spreads

of farm

kitchens. Shiny

appliances in airy

rooms, big windows

with acres of granite countertops just

itching to be the catalyst for meals prepared

with garden-fresh produce to delight the

palette. You could easily fit 10 people

around the island and dozens of dishes in

the deep, trough sink.

This is not what makes a farm kitchen.

The dingy white house on the gentle knoll

was nothing special to look at. It was like so

many small farms homes in northern

Indiana, gently dilapidated and lovingly

ignored. Every summer the crunch of tires

on this long gravel drive signaled the

beginning of culinary delights. It was a place

where maple basted hams, butter steamed

snow peas, and Polish fried zucchini were

regularly turned out. Meals fit for any

holiday feast laden the table. Many times,

food would be placed out at lunch and then

snacked on by every passerby throughout

the rest of the day.

But it was not a socially acceptable farm

kitchen.

My grandparent’s home lay on seven acres

of fertile soil, but with only about four acres

of it for their “garden.” My grandfather

would have my sister and I go out to help

him pick blueberries, snow peas, beans,

tomatoes and my grandparents would,

together, create scents and textures that we

couldn’t help but scarf down at every

opportunity. We would sit on the floor in

the living room watching cartoons or game

shows with a giant pot of buttered snow

peas and pop them in our waiting mouths

like other kids would popcorn. We didn’t

know then, being kids and on our own

~ Fall 2014

planets, that having a grandfather that could

cook as well as their grandmother was

unusual, but he could work magic in the

kitchen.

It was a real farm kitchen.

Even as a small child, I could stand in the

center of the peeling linoleum and reach my

arms out to touch my finger tips to each

counter. Those great big sinks in pictures? This

sink was so shallow you wouldn’t worry about

drowning a baby if you had to step aside for a

moment. There was a little jut at the back

door that held what we called the ‘breakfast

area,’ which is the hoity-toity way of saying

that’s where they shoved a two-seat diner

style table to give them extra work room and

a place to eat if they chose. It was at this table

where my Polish grandmother would carefully

bread her fresh zucchini with

unpronounceable names before she would

place them in the sizzling pan to fry up. She

would pull them out and we would dip them

while they were still scalding our fingertips

and munch down before we could even close

our mouths since they were so hot they took

the breath away.

The counter was cracked Corian and the space

so limited that if there were more than three

people in there they would be living in sin.

The shelves were packed with home-canned

goods and cooling blueberry pies. The

incongruities of the abundance in the kitchen

and the lack of communication were

profound. While my grandfather could cook

and farm, he couldn’t relate to us. While my

grandmother was a gentle soul with a heart

that none could compare, she couldn’t soothe

the hurts that his emotional distance caused.

But they could feed us and make every meal a

memory.

They are both gone. Many years have passed

since first my grandmother and, not even two

years later, my grandfather died. But when I

think of a farm kitchen I don’t see pretty

rooms with shiny things. It is a dark galley

with two stingy windows that is my

benchmark for greatness. A kitchen isn’t a

place - it is a heart where people share

intimacies and pains, where the soul should

be fed at least as much as the belly. That is my

farm kitchen.

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

M ore than 23

years ago

the little pink

plus sign

changed my life. I was

not quite 19, unmarried,

living at home, and

completely overwhelmed

by the notion that my

single excursion into the

land of physical

relationships was going

to affect me for the rest of

my life. At that time in

society, however, the

growing commonality of

teen pregnancies during

the late 80s and early

90s, which was the only

time in our history that

the statistics went up

since they started

tracking back in the 50s, I

was one of those girls

who got knocked up and

would be forever known

as a ‘teen mom’.

~ Fall 2014

They still don’t know why there were so many girls who got pregnant before they were

20 in those about 6 years. No one has ever been able to explain what was happening

in the microcosm of teenage social and sexual development. To this day, I have no

idea either, but I can tell you that my best friend and I had our first babies two weeks

apart and we weren’t the only ones. I can also tell you that we were the lucky ones.

We had families who loved us and supported us and didn’t kick us out for getting

pregnant.

Unfortunately, the opposite was the norm back then.

While there wasn’t the extreme shame as there was in years past where girls would

be shipped off to have their babies in secret and then forced to give them up for

adoption or pass them off as their mother’s, it was still socially unacceptable and

many girls were booted out of their homes by outraged parents who had no desire to

be associated with someone who “slept around”.

My parents, on the other hand, not only let me stay, but encouraged me to not marry

until after the baby, which was the best advice I’ve ever been given since we broke up

before I was even half way through my

pregnancy. And he was gone for good before

our son was 6-months old. They suggested I

only work part-time so that I could be more of

a parent than not and supported my effort

(albeit failed effort) to go to college.

Regardless, I thrived and made the best of it,

and now I’m watching a new generation of

young women faced with many of the same

challenges and obstacles that I had to

overcome.

But with some significant differences.

WHO’S YOUR DADDY

These girls are making active, purposeful

decisions to not only acknowledge the

fathers, but hold them accountable. The

relationships themselves may not have

lasted, and to be honest, most of them didn’t,

~ Fall 2014

but they have sued for child support and most insist that they co-parent unless there

are reasons to distrust the fathers. In those cases they still insist on financial support

with the caveat that all visitation be supervised in some manner. They aren’t willing to

take all the blame or all the responsibility the way my generation did.

PRE-NATAL CARE IS A PRIORITY

One of the reasons my parents

didn’t want me to get married is

that I was still covered on their

health insurance and the baby

was, too. In recent years, that

has changed, where the

underage mother is covered,

but the baby is not. These girls

are recognizing the need to

care for themselves and their

babies from the get-go. They

are applying for Medicaid if they

need to so that they can

receive the care necessary to

ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby.

My niece was 15 when she got pregnant and we were (justifiably) worried given her

past behavior and the choices she had made that led to the pregnancy. But, when she

discovered that she was, indeed, expecting, her universe realigned itself. All of a

sudden it wasn’t about her any more, it was about something, someone, bigger, or

smaller as the case may be. She quit smoking, she stopped getting high, she went to

her doctor’s appointments with an almost religious fervor. She recognized the

necessity of proper care for herself and her baby in ways that most of the single

moms I knew way back when did not understand.

AND BABY MAKES THREE OR FOUR OR FIVE OR…

Unlike when my friend and I were accepted into our own homes when that was the

exception, it is now more the rule that these young women and their babies either stay

with their parents or move into the fathers’ parents’ home. No one expects them to be

able to support themselves, and their babies, in such a way that is safe or nurturing.

~ Fall 2014

This is a good thing because they need to be able to finish growing up before they are

faced with the full implications of parenthood and adulthood. Many of them are still in

high school or barely graduated like I was. Their life experience is limited and they are

often only qualified for minimum wage jobs which is not enough to be fully

independent, which only puts them at greater risk of being dependent on government

assistance.

I would like to think that it is better for our society when we take care of our own rather

than expect them to get on the public roles. It is nice to have a safety net, but if we

help those who need it ourselves, it often gives them the better opportunity and, more

importantly, the confidence to go out into the world and support themselves. It is about

relationships above the hardships.

And for girls who are not fortunate enough to have families who will help them, the

resources are so much more available with programs designed to let them live there,

job training, parenting classes, and regular classes to help them keep moving

forward. They can continue to live there even after the baby is born. Those kinds of

programs were few and far between when I was eighteen.

DIPLOMAS MATTER

I was lucky, or smart,

or whatever, to have

already graduated

high school when I

faced motherhood, but

many, if not most, girls

weren’t that lucky/

smart/whatever then.

We had a school

where they could go,

but getting there was a

near impossibility and

the stigma attached

was tremendous. Not

that they didn’t, but it

was a chore that few

could overcome.

~ Fall 2014

Girls now have so many better options and are choosing to take advantage of them,

which is the key. Resources don’t matter unless they are used. And they are using

their options for public online school, working with their neighborhood school to

continue their education, or even pursuing their GED which is just as effective as a

regular diploma. ‘How’ doesn’t change ‘what’ as far as they are concerned as long as

it gets done.

And it’s not just high school, more are going to college, too - 1.9 million parents in

college are single parents. While many traditional colleges are still slow to catch up

with the times with classes and times still geared toward kids who have no other

responsibilities, many campuses not only offer discounted or free childcare for infants

through pre-school, but are adding more night and online classes to their schedules

for those who can’t attend during the day. There is still a lot of room for improvement,

but these young women are going to college online or enrolling in trade school

programs regardless of how traditional colleges and universities function.

HAVING IT ALL

These girls are the granddaughters of the women who rocked through the 70s and

80s as the women who wanted it all – children and career. They are the daughters of

the women who faced the largest generation of single, teen motherhood since before

the Baby Boom. They are benefiting from these experiences in that they understand

that no one else is responsible for them except themselves.

Teen moms are still at the greatest risk of poverty and unemployment, among other

things, but more are viewing the situation they are in as a temporary set-back, not the

end of the world. If they are the children of parents who value education and hard-

work, they are more likely to continue on that path regardless of their new

responsibilities. Or maybe because of their new responsibilities.

Going back to my niece, she hasn’t finished high school yet, but she has been

working full-time since her son was a year old. She still lives with her mom and they

share the house and bills. She is looking seriously at medical technician school now

that her little guy started first grade this year. She still has a tough road ahead of her,

and she knows it. She needs to get that diploma. She needs to get accepted into

school. She needs to make sure she is still balancing life with her super intelligent

boy, work, school, and personal life. But once she set her mind to do something and

do it right, she did amazing. And I know she will continue to be amazing with these

next steps, too.

http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2013/03/26/tips-for-going-to-college-as-single-parent/

http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2013/03/26/tips-for-going-to-college-as-single-parent/

~ Fall 2014

How Sleep’n Sync is Revolutionary

Mission

To help children excel when facing challenges and improve their functional skills and their wellbeing

Sleep’n Sync’s objective is to help the child achieve their goals fast. It does this through an audio designed to help the

child with the specific issue being addressed, which is played at night, as the child sleeps, every day for six weeks. Sleep’n Sync uses the power of the mind and empowers the natural motivation in children to do well. It does this by integrating to the audio positive suggestions and messages that reach the subconscious mind of the child at a highly receptive state: sleep. Non-Invasive

Non-confrontational: with Sleep’n Sync there is no need for negotiating or convincing the child to do the program every day, no need to use their valuable fun time for it.

Easy to use: the program’s implementation does not affect your child’s schedule, it is at night during sleep time, no need to set time from the child’s busy day for this. Program the alarm with Sleep’n Sync’s audio at a time the child is asleep, and set it to repeat every night.

Based on extensive scientific research and best practices: each Program is designed based on extensive scientific research and best practices, so that the messages and recommendations contained in the program are effective and to the point of the specific goal of the program.

Sleep’n Sync uses: Principles of hypnotherapy by designing the necessary messages the child needs in the form

of positive suggestions tailored to be easily absorbed by the subconscious mind of the child.

~ Fall 2014

Sleep, as it provides a highly receptive state of the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is always awake and receptive, however this receptivity is increased when the conscious mind does not interfere/ is resting/cooled down, as it occurs during sleep. In addition, sleep is a time when the outside input is minimized, and the information received during the awake time is sorted, organized, evaluated, linked with other memories, and stored or discarded according to its relevance. Sleep’n Sync takes advantage of sleep as a natural receptive state for its messages to effectively be absorbed by the subconscious mind, and the natural function of sleep in building and solidifying brain connections, and its natural role as self-therapy since it processes and links negative feelings and experiences with positive feelings and previous experiences, diminishing their overall negative effect (Rock )

Neuroplasticity: which is the changing of the strength of neural connections, the adding or removing of connections or the adding of new cells. Thinking, learning and acting actually changes the structure and functional organization of the brain.(Christiansen & Baum, 2005).

Principles of neuroplasticity: The brains ability to act and react is ever-changing. It is constantly laying down new pathways for neural communication and to re-arrange existing ones. The changing of neurons, the organization of their networks, and their function changes via new experiences

Repetition: It is well known that repetition wires the brain. It is repetition that allows a person’s brain to esptablish the necessary connections or synapses between the brain cells. Learning occurs right where neurons meet. Without these connections, the brain cells are useless. It is known that what wires a person’s brain is repeated experience, and without it, key synapses do not form. And if such connections, once formed are used too seldom to be strengthened and reinforced, the brain eventually elliminates them. Therefore, repetition of the desired messages in the suggestions in Sleep’n Sync audios is a key element for the effectiveness of the message incorporation into the subconscious mind of the child.

Binaural Beats in the background music: Optional. Binaural beats work by sending two different tones to each ear. The frequency difference between the tones is created by the brain as a “binaural beat”. With this technology, one can take the mind into a relaxed and receptive state, allowing easier connections between the brain cells. This is optional since sleep is already a receptive state for the messages to be absorbed, however its use can help.

Connecting the subconscious mind with the conscious mind: This is what Sleep’n Sync’s audios facilitate, so that when the child is awake, he/she has the self confidence, skills and tools to use in order to get his/her desired goals.

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

F amilies today come in all shapes and sizes. From the

couple just starting out, to blended families, single

parents, and everything in between, the definition of

‘family’ isn’t as cookie-cutter as it may have seemed half a

century ago. Today, families are grown through natural

pregnancies, medical procedures, surrogate, foster care,

international and domestic adoption. Each family’s relationship is

as unique as a finger print.

Life often teaches us that good things often come from bad situations.

In the case of adoption, often the best things come from what might be seen as the worst situations.

Adoption isn’t most people’s “plan a” when it comes to family building. Often, those choosing to build their

families through adoption have had some challenges in life that lead them to that path. Maybe it was

infertility. Maybe they are building a family later in life. Maybe they are a same sex couple looking to grow

their families, or a single adult looking

to start a family on their own.

Often, for children placed for

adoption, the pregnancies are

unplanned, or parents who

couldn’t continue to raise them for

a vast array of reasons. A few are

actual orphans, with nowhere left to turn.

“What’s it like being adopted?”

There are certain labels in life that stick with us forever. Sometimes, they are merely descriptive, such as

“tall” or “short”. Some show our relation to others, such as “mother”, “father”, “brother”, “sister”, or

“friend.” Some labels we outgrow, like “kid” or “teenager’. But there are some that stick.

A few of the common labels used to describe me have been: tall (I stand about 5’8”, which is considered

relatively tall for a woman), blond, blue eyed, brown, confident, sister, daughter, and, oh yeah, adopted.

I came to my parents via the California State Department of Child Welfare. My biological mother was a 16

year old girl who had sworn that she’d been raped. Hiding her pregnancy for as long as possible (and

My journey as an adoptee is just one of many.

~ Fall 2014

probably doing everything a scared 15 year old girl could do to be quietly rid of me) the problem of me

eventually became unavoidable. I wasn’t disappearing . When her mother (a single parent of three girls)

became aware of the situation, I was put up for adoption.

Before my cells had even started dividing, my parents (an infertile couple who had already adopted a baby

boy in 1976) filed for to adopt me. After being matched with my brother, they already knew they wanted a

baby girl. The order for a Caucasian infant girl was tough to fill. While many couples wait 9 months for their

child to be born, my parents waited about 4 years.

I was born on January 16th, 1980 and entered into foster care that same day. I was brought home by my

parents in April or May, and my adoption became official in October of that same year. I spent the time in

between in foster care. For those few months, a selfless couple cared for me, despite my ‘risk factors’.

According to doctor’s reports, I was a disturbing shade of blue when I was born. After some quick infant CPR,

I was breathing and giving my fresh lungs a work out. Since my biological mother had attempted to keep her

pregnancy a secret, she didn’t get regular prenatal care, so whether I would thrive or not remained to be

seen. But one thing was as true then as it is now,. Like so many other adoptees, I’m a survivor. Though

classified as a ‘high risk’ adoption due to possible yet-to-be-seen developmental delays, I survived my rocky

start into the world.

About a week after

my birth (and

immediate

subsequent

relinquishment into

foster care), my

foster family (who had

named me Virginia) was kind enough to take two photos of me and send them to my social worker. These

photos were eventually passed on to my eagerly awaiting parents – the people who would pledge to bring

me, a stranger, into their lives and call me ‘family’ – people who would give me the title ‘daughter’ and

‘sister’.

Little did my foster family know, those two grainy photos would be my first baby pictures.

A few months later, the paperwork was filed and I was taken home, with the adoption finalized later that

year.

My brother and I were lucky. We each went through only one foster home (which we were too young to

remember) before finding our forever families.

So many children in foster care aren’t so fortunate. Many see several foster homes before their second

birthdays. Still others are only in foster care temporarily while the adults work through whatever issues are

My journey as an adoptee is just one of many.

~ Fall 2014

keeping them from safely being a family. Unfortunately, those considered ‘legally free’ (whose rights have

been revoked or given up by their biological parents) by toddler hood and older are often considered

‘difficult’ to place. The older a child is when he/she enters the foster system, the lower the chance of being

adopted.

Closed or Open – What’s the

difference

A Closed Adoption refers to an adoption

where the contact information of the

biological parents is not disclosed to the

adoptive family and the adoptive family has

no further contact with the biological parent

once the adoption is finalized.

An Open Adoption refers to an adoption

where some form of contact agreement is

established between the biological family

and the adoptive family/child. This

agreement could be something more one-

sided (such as pictures exchanged through a

web site or a social worker), or it could

include visitation and open communication

on all sides.

Usually, Family Medical history is disclosed

either when, whenever available.

As was common practice in the 70’s and 80’s, all the adoptions in my family were closed adoptions. Once I

turned 18, I had the full support of my parents in finding my biological family. – a search which lasted a year

and a half. I located my social worker, who contacted my biological mother’s last known address. Eventually,

my biological mother consented to contact me. We exchanged a handful of letters and met face to face

twice. That’s when I learned that I was in fact not the product of an act of violence, but rather a product of a

night of passion with an older boy. Turns out, she even had the last known phone number. As luck would

have it, 20 years later, my biological grandfather still lived at that phone number. He was able to contact my

biological father, and we became friends.

My brother has yet to locate his biological family. His journey is just beginning. What little we know came in

the form of a story that his biological mother left with the social worker (a common practice back then).

~ Fall 2014

Which is better?

There are some that say open adoption is the way to go. Usually, the school of thought behind that is

something along the lines of, ‘It will keep them from fantasizing and idealizing their biological parents,’ or

“No child can have too much love in their life.’ I had a closed adoption and yes, I often wondered what my

biological family was like. I don’t believe that impeded me from bonding with my adoptive family though.

From where I sit, I can see where an open adoption might be the way to go for perhaps an older foster child

who still desires some relationship with their biological family. I can also see where a limited open

relationship (such as sharing pictures through a mediator) could be especially helpful and reassuring to the

biological family – to know their child is safe and well. I can also see who it would be confusing but, just as

each family is unique, I’d encourage anyone considering adoption to look over all of these options and

settling on the one that feels most right for their situation.

Speaking of Bonding…

Did You Have any

trouble Bonding with

your parents or vice

versa?

This is probably the number 1 fear

most adoptive parents have. ‘Will I

bond with my child? Will my child

bond with me?’ The media

generally doesn’t help dispel this

notion at all either. The news

seems always ready to report about a mismatched family, unable to bond, and the destruction it causes.

But more often than not, bonding happens. Not always instantly. Not overnight. But it happens.

For my parents, we were their children. We weren’t their ‘adopted’ children. We were just their son and

daughter, and that’s where the sentence ended. They never hid the fact that we were adopted. (Even if they

hadn’t we don’t resemble our parents physically much at all, despite sharing a basically similar skin tone.)

By sharing age-appropriate books with us, we learned what adoption ment.

Still, it was hard to learn to trust the world around us.

After all, our very first experience of the world was one of instinctive abandonment. For many adoptees,

that initial abandonment colors the glasses we see the world through.

~ Fall 2014

There were times we struggled more than others, but love and commitment saw us through those times. My

parents never waivered in their commitment to us as a family. That example made it easier for us to find our

roles in the family and to learn to trust.

Learning to trust is no small feat. It takes patience, consistency, understanding, and commitment on the

parents’ behalf.

Any tips for

those who

are having

trouble

bonding?

Three things – Find

Common Ground,

Create Traditions,

and Keep your Word

The first two tips go

hand in hand. I truly

believe our parents

did right – and I don’t

think they learned them in a classroom. They built little traditions into our lives. For example, we ate dinner

at the table every night, except for Friday nights. On Friday, we’d get to eat in front of the TV and watch a

few family-favorite shows together. (In our house, that ment Star Trek most of the time.) We also went to

local musical theater events every summer. By building little routines into our weeks, seasons, and holidays,

we had things to constantly look forward to. This created a sense of stability, even though my father traveled

for business often during my lifetime. No matter who was home, I knew I could count on Friday night fun.

These things created a balance for us that helped us find common ground, or build it when it wasn’t readily

available.

Keeping your word is harder than it sounds. Often we say, “later” when we really mean “no”. It sounds so

simple, but it’s those tiny easy little white lies we tell each other in an effort to avoid disappointment or

conflict that feed the seeds of mistrust. It’s cliché, but honesty really is the best policy. Deal with conflicts as

they arise. It’s always better to deal with disappointment than add fuel to the ‘adults can’t be trusted’ fire

that abandonment often seeds.

~ Fall 2014

How do you feel about your

adoptive family?

They are my parents. They saw me through my hard

grade school years, supported me when I needed it,

and taught me just about everything I know. I feel

nothing but love for them (and my brother). I know I

may not have been their ‘plan a’, but it’s clear that

being adopted really was the best way for me to grow

up. Rather than one parent who was very young and

didn’t really desire kids anyway, I got two parents

who were hungry to add a daughter to their family.

My parents have been a great example of love and

commitment to me. When my dad passed away this

passed April, any shadow of doubt that may have

been lingering in my mind were completely gone. We

are a family. While some are made by blood, it’s love

that truly binds us together. And that we have in

spades.

How do you feel about your

biological family? Are you upset with them for placing you for

adoption? How is your relationship with them now?

Even though I was told early on my birth story, there were definitely times when I was angry with the

situation. How could someone that loves you, give you away to strangers? But once I became an adult, I

understood. Child rearing is a LOT of work. It’s a 24 hour a day, 365 day a year job. And it’s a job my

biological family wasn’t ready for. But it was a job my adoptive family was ready for.

My biological father and I are friends. He has a daughter who is about 23 years younger than me. Explaining

my adoption out to her has been interesting (and a task I leave up to her dad entirely), but it’s fun to be

able to be a part of her life. I basically play the role of an Aunt, more than a big sister.

My biological mother and I exchange letters and pictures through her mother a few times a year. We’re all

comfortable with that level of contact, so it works well for us.

It’s a complicated ever-evolving situation, but I’m lucky to have my family’s full support on whatever

choices I make in these matters.

~ Fall 2014

Becoming an

Adoptive Parent –

Tips for Survival

1) Pack your patience. This is one big waiting game.

The road to parenthood through adopting/foster isn’t a quick one. While things

have become a bit faster than when my family

was adopting me and my brother in the 1970’s, to

someone hungry to grow their family, they can

still feel agonizingly slow. My husband and I

started our adoption journey in June of 2012. It’s

been one year and we have yet to complete the

second step of our journey – the home study

process. No matter what route of adoption you

plan to take, or if you plan to become a foster

parent, you must have a ‘home study’ approved

by the state. The requirements for a ‘home study’

are different in every state. In many states, many

of the classes required can be done online, as can

a lot of the paperwork. However, you’ll have to

~ Fall 2014

check with your state to see what’s required. In our state, we’re required to take

over 20 hours of in-classroom training classes. This has become a huge problem

for us because my husband is in the US Navy. Due to deployments and such, his

schedule is very unpredictable. I’m prepared to be the chief care-giver, however

the state requires we both take the courses. No doubt it would be beneficial for us

both to attend – and the desire is there! However, his schedule has not allowed

for days off which coincide with the dates of the seminars. But we’re hopeful.

2) Don’t be afraid to tell people you’re adopting/fostering

once you start the process to become a parent.

Support can come from really surprising places. My husband was nervous about

telling people about the adoption at first, but quickly found out that it was very

rare for people to have any disparaging remarks. Most people are genuinely

curious and excited to see where the journey leads. In fact, seeking out other

people who have been through the process already might prove very reassuring.

3) The more specific

your requests, the

longer the wait.

This is generally true. My

parents had very specific

requests (infants, boy, then

girl, Caucasian), which is

likely one of the reasons the

wait was so long (and one of

the reasons they grabbed me

even though I was

considered a risk).

~ Fall 2014

4) Respect the journey, both yours and your partner’s (if

applicable). It’s very common for adoptive mothers and fathers to have two

different experiences, just like with pregnancy. Women tend to undergo what’s

called a ‘paper pregnancy’, from the first moment they dedicate themselves to an

adoption. Nesting sets in, as does a lot of dreaming and talk about kids. Men are

often on the other end of the spectrum, enjoying the fleeting days of life without

kids while they can. It’s been said, ‘Women become mothers at the desire for

motherhood; men become fathers when they first hold their children.’ This can be

very true with adoption as well. Women often report feeling a connection with a

baby at just the glimpse of a picture. Men need to have that child in their arms

before they feel the fatherly glow. Talking often and respecting that your partner is

in it with you, but on his/her own unique journey can help communication flowing

during this stressful time.

5) Take care of yourself while you wait.

~ Fall 2014

When we first started the adoption process, I was afraid to plan a vacation or

spend a dime on something we didn’t need because we might be called upon to

throw a large sum of money down to complete it. (My brother and I cost a grand

total of $1000 to adopt in the 1970’s. Today’s adoptions are much more

expensive, with an approved home study alone running about $1500.) It’s so easy

to let your life revolve around the adoption.

This is truly is a marathon, not a sprint. We need to take care of ourselves along

the way. For me, that means making sure I work on developing healthy habits in

all aspects of my life so that

they can rub off on our next

generation, when the time

comes. Part of staying

healthy is knowing when to

take a break, a short

vacation, a night out on the

town, whatever it may be

to keep myself and my

relationship healthy.

6) Be realistic. This

is a child. Not a

Cause.

One thing that drove my

parents nuts is that people were often saying how ‘generous’ they were to take in

two unwanted kids. While, yes, they have very generous spirits, it’s not exactly like

we showed up on their doorstep as rain-drenched puppies seeking a new home

from anyone who would open up their door and give us a bed. They simply

wanted a family – and after infertility treatments failed, this was the means to get

~ Fall 2014

it. Adopting or fostering (especially traumatized) children doesn’t mean you’ll be

able to ever erase anything that was done to them. Love, while healing, is not a

‘reset’ button. It means you’ll be helping them learn to cope with their situation

(whatever that may be). Each situation is as unique as the child, and requires

different skills. For example, the danger in our household will be this- ‘I know how

you feel because I was adopted too.’ Truth be told, I might have some insight into

how our kids might be feeling, but then again – I might be way off base.

7) Where there is a will, there is a way.

Think adoption is too expensive? Consider foster-to-adopt programs. If one

agency seems too expensive, interview other ones. Don’t feel comfortable with

Foster-to-adopt? Consider private adoption agencies or legal firms. Adoption fees

aren’t inexpensive, but that doesn’t mean it’s completely out of reach. The

internet has a myriad of ways to raise funds. Seek out grants or fund raising

websites. Check into tax deductions that might help off-set the costs. Family and

friends might even be willing to help out as well.

8) Celebrate

every small

victory. Did you just finish

interviewing an

adoption agency or

going to an

informational

meeting? Celebrate

it! Celebrate each piece of paper you turn in. It may seem small, but these little

things feed hope. All of them can bring your one step closer.

~ Fall 2014

~ Fall 2014

By Alice Tetamore

EMILY DANCES

parents ink winter edition

Documents

page spread

digit numbers

plush number

number shape

michelle anderson

associated book hello

friendly number characters

hello numbers discovery