part a-purpose: empathic listening

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Part A-Purpose: Empathic Listening What is it? Listening between the lines to understand what the speaker is saying. Affirming not only what is being said, but also the feelings behind the words. Why should I teach it? Empathic listening is probably the most important social skill we all need to acquire. According to Stephen Covey, listening represents 40 to 50 percent of our communication time. How can these tools help? Introducing students to Covey’s Listening Continuum helps them to monitor their own level of listening and to practice consciously the skills and attitudes of empathic listening. Covey’s Continuum identifies 5 levels of listening: 5. Empathic listening 4. Attentive listening 3. Selective listening 2. Pretend listening 1. Ignoring How does it work? Over time, students develop facility with a repertoire of specific skills that contribute to effective listening, including:

• Withholding comments, opinions • Pausing (wait time) • Paraphrasing key words • Maintaining focus; attending fully to the speaker • Considering the speaker’s perspective or frame of reference (listening to understand) • Sustaining eye contact • Providing non‐verbal encouragement ( nodding, sub‐vocalizing) • Identifying/reflecting feelings

How can I assess student learning? Use the attached checklist for observation of both attentive and empathic listening skills (Levels 4 and 5 on Covey’s continuum.)


What resources can I access? http://eqi.org/listen.htm#Suggestions This website on emotional intelligence has suggestions for enhancing listening skills and two poems that highlight the adolescent’s need for empathic listening from adults and peers. http://www.businesslistening.com/leadership_listening‐skills.php This website summarizes the benefits of empathic listening in the workplace and connects the insights of Stephen Covey, Peter Drucker and Daniel Goleman on the key role of listening in developing emotional intelligence leadership.


Part B-Sample Lesson: Empathic Listening It is helpful to identify specific skills that contribute to empathic listening and to provide focused practice on these discrete skills. Organizing students into triads with one person assigned as observer is a useful strategy for gathering observational data for feedback. This feedback is most helpful if it is descriptive rather than evaluative. The student observer tracks behaviours by making notes or using a checklist. The student who is practicing uses this information to assess his or her own progress on the listening skills. Pausing/Wait Time ‘A’ listens as ‘B’ shares a response to the prompt, “Something I’ve been thinking about recently….” After ‘B’ shares some initial thoughts, ‘A’ pauses. If ‘B’ remains quiet, then ‘A’ paraphrases what ‘B’ has said. ‘A’ pauses again after paraphrasing. If ‘B’ does not respond, ‘A’ asks an open‐ended question and then pauses again. The conversation continues in this way for 90 seconds. ‘C’, The observer, times each of the pauses and records the number of seconds. Students may then trade roles, so that each person has an opportunity to practice pausing and to record wait time. After the practice session, invite the class to share responses to these questions:

• What is the purpose for waiting for 3‐5 seconds before speaking? • What did you notice about the average time listeners waited before responding? • How did the speaker react when the listener waited? • What strategies might you use to extend your use of wait time?

Paraphrasing Before students practice paraphrasing, review the following information about paraphrasing with them:

What is it? Paraphrasing is a rewording of another person’s thoughts and/ or feelings. Why is it important? Paraphrasing says to the speaker:

• I am listening • I am interested • I care about what you are saying • I am trying to understand what is important to you


What do I paraphrase?

• The content of what was said, • The emotion expressed in the speaker’s voice and gestures or • Both the content and the emotion.

What makes a good paraphrase? • It goes to the heart of what was said. • It is shorter than the original words. • It begins with “You” not “I”. • It captures the speaker’s intention. • It does not mimic or parrot the speaker’s words.

What if I get it wrong? Not to worry. The speaker will appreciate your sincere attempt to understand and will usually respond by giving you more information or by correcting your paraphrase.

Practicing Paraphrasing Content 1. Invite students to find a partner by identifying someone whose footwear is similar. 2. Each student will have an opportunity to speak on the following topic for 60‐90 seconds:

“Three things that are really important in my life right now…”

3. As the speaker shares, his or her partner listens. 4. When the speaker finishes, the partner paraphrases the content that was shared, remembering the qualities

of an effective paraphrase. 5. They then reverse roles for the second practice round. 6. Debrief the activity with the class, using the following questions:

a) What strategies did you use to help paraphrase the content? b) How did your partner show interest and attention as you were speaking? c) What do we want to remember about paraphrasing? d) What opportunities might we anticipate for practicing this skill both inside and outside school?

Practising Reflecting Feelings Before students participate in the triad activity, review with them the strategies for reflecting feelings. We can reflect, or paraphrase, feelings both verbally and nonverbally:


Verbally by labeling or naming the feeling: “You feel upset.” “You are worried.” “You’re excited because…”, and by matching the speaker’s tone of voice and pace of speech.

Nonverbally by matching the speaker’s gestures, posture, facial expression, breathing etc.

Organize students in triads for three rounds of practice. Label them A, B and C.

Round A B C Scenario 1 Speaker Paraphraser Observer Scenario 2 Observer Speaker Paraphraser Scenario 3 Paraphraser Observer Speaker

1. Distribute the 3 scenarios and ask students to read their paragraph and determine what feelings the Speaker might be experiencing. When it is their turn to be the Speaker, they will share the content of the scenario in the 1st person, conveying the feelings nonverbally so that the Paraphraser can practice “listening between the lines.”

2. The Paraphraser’s task is to try to label the emotion(s) and to reflect nonverbally how the speaker is

feeling.

3. The Observer records examples of feeling language and nonverbal “matches” between the Speaker and Paraphraser.

Scenario #1

You are very excited about your job placement. Your supervisor sets aside time to work with you one‐on‐one and is very patient when you are learning something new. You can ask questions without being embarrassed. Other workers are very friendly and invite you to join them for breaks. You’re proud of the work you are doing and feel you are learning a lot. Scenario #2

You are feeling stressed trying to manage your work for school and a part‐time job. You’re working almost every day after school and feel so tired by the time you get home. It’s hard to feel motivated to start homework or to study when it’s 9 or 10 o’clock. However, you want to do well in your courses and are afraid you’re falling behind.


Scenario #3

You are upset with one of your friends. He hasn’t been returning phone calls when you’ve left messages. You’ve always tried to get together at least once a week since you don’t attend the same school. He says he values your friendship, but the last couple of weeks he has been too busy to spend any time with you. When you tried to talk about it, he just brushed you off and said it wasn’t a big deal.

4. Allocate 3 or 4 minutes for each round of role‐playing. After each round, invite the Observer to share his or her notes with the Paraphraser.

5. Debrief the activity with the class, asking for feedback about what it felt like in each of the 3 roles. Invite descriptions of how Paraphrasers demonstrated nonverbal paraphrasing.

6. Review this definition from the Roots of Empathy website: (http://www.rootsofempathy.org/org.html )

“Empathy is the ability to identify with another person's feelings. The ability to see and feel things as others see and feel them is central to competent parenting and successful social relationships in all stages of life.”

Ask: “ How might the listening skills we have been practicing contribute to creating a culture of caring in schools, in families and in workplaces?”


Part C-Lesson Plan Worksheet-Listening Skills Assessment Student Name:______________________________________________________________________

Dates Observed ___________________ Comments: _______________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________

Attentive Listening Faces speaker Leans forward Maintains eye contact Nods, smiles Does not interrupt/ pauses Encourages speaker to continue speaking

Withholds judgment/evaluation

Other:

Empathic Listening

Asks relevant questions which help speaker clarify

Paraphrases content of message

Identifies speaker’s feelings Reflects speaker’s feelings nonverbally

Pauses before/after speaking Is comfortable with silence Demonstrates desire to understand

Let’s go of need to respond

part a-purpose: empathic listening

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