“Often we are forced to confront our deepest concerns about God’s love for us in the hardest,

most desperate places of our lives, but it is through the crossroads of pain and faith in God

alone, that we find grace both to hear His answers or accept His silence as we learn, first hand

and for real, of a love that transcends all.”

For every

person who

has ever

wanted to

leave the

Church and

never return,

Let me tell

you a story…..

The Homecoming:

A Story For Anyone

Who Has Ever Lost

His Way is

available in The

Sepia Store:

http://sepiaprimewom

ancom.ipage.com/stor

e/page2.html

Cover Features:

What’s On Your Heart?

Concerns of Prime Time BOLD Movers p. 10

Funding Your Non-Profit Vision p. 6

Superwoman Sanctuary: Frozen Hearts p. 21

Loving: Not Just Another Date Night p. 17

Michele Aikens, Publisher Writers: Winfred Burns II, Charles & Traci Childress, Vanessa Church , Tasha Odunuyi, Marilyn Okoye, Candice Payne, Terri E. Wilson

Sepia Prime Woman Magazine is wholly owned by

Sepia Prime Woman, Incorporated

In Every Issue

Prime Time p. 4

Frankly Speaking

p.9

Sepia Style p. 11

Nurturing You p. 15

Profitably Speaking

p. 8

Your Body Strong p.

13

The Main Thing p.

23

The Magazine for Bold Movers

PRIME TIME

What’s On My Heart?

You are. I wonder how you deal with grief and

grieving. I lost a friend….a really good friend, and for a couple of weeks I “wasn’t myself.” I noted in our Facebook Group, that every time you lose someone, your world changes some. It is true. Has your world changed any in the last 12 months? Take a minute to think about it and then, let’s continue.

The phrase, “I have something on my heart” has always puzzled me. Why couldn’t it just be in your heart? Maybe the phrase means it feels like the heaviness of something is resting right on top of your heart. I get that.

Because I sense some of you are about to turn the page, I’ll get to my point: There are a lot of things that seem to rest in the area of our emotions heavily, and we don’t address them like we need to. Are you ignoring a sense of urgency because you’re too busy? STOP and consider the heavy thing that is resting on your heart. If you knew your time was ending, how would you respond to what you are putting off today? Do it NOW. Is there someone you’ve been putting off honoring? Plan a celebration for them NOW. Is there a community, a nation, a people on your heart? Go find them, and love them with what has been placed in your hands NOW. Is there a dream on your heart? Then stop dreaming and implement it NOW.

As we enter the prime of our lives, right next to the freedom and exhilaration of we embrace is the knowledge of just how fleeting and precious life is. When I was a child, death was a vague reality; as I grew up, my parents’ friends were passing away; now it is my friends who are leaving. How do you respond to what is “heavy on your heart?” Let me help you: You don’t just throw dirt on it and walk away – you do something.

My friend, Lynetta, suffered and died because she had breast cancer. Triple Negative…generational. After her diagnosis, she went to Paris, France and spent wonderful time with family. She planned a get-together for people from around the country in Atlanta. She took her grandson to New Orleans. She lived. She connected with people internationally through music. She changed my world. Lynetta was the third woman I know to die from triple negative breast cancer. I never told her that. Two of the three women I know who died of triple negative breast cancer were associated with Sepia Prime Woman.

How will I respond to that knowledge?

I will respond with action. Heavy stuff requires effort to move it. Whether the heaviness you are experiencing is because of your self image, your issues with other people, the loss of income or a relationship, or due to grief, you have to do something to move the heavy object. Take action that moves you forward

SPW Magazine – February 2014 4

The picture below is the shirt my friend asked me to include in the Sepia Prime Woman collection in 2012. She and I are the only people who have this shirt. If you buy this shirt in pink, the profits will always go to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in Lynetta’s name. I’m working with designers to create one that will have a pink ribbon and a music note, so that those in her music connections can also give and acknowledge her. The designer is moving slowly, so I may need to find another one. A response requires action.

Why am I telling you this? Because when something is heavy on your heart, you don’t just throw dirt on it and walk away. You respond. You don’t minimize what is heavy on your heart, and you don’t allow others to minimize it either. You use what you have been given, and you make a difference in the lives you have been sent by God to touch. Lynetta White did her job. I intend to do mine.

You are on my heart. What heaviness are you carrying? More importantly,

How you will respond?

E-mail me at talkback@sepiaprimewoman.com if you have a topic you want to see discussed here on our blog talk radio show, Your Prime Time with Michele Aikens.

You are loved,

Michele To order the Sepia Prime Woman Pink shirt in Lynetta White’s memory, click here: http://sepiaprimewomancom.ipage.com/store/page4.html If you prefer to donate directly to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in Lynetta White’s name, click here: http://kansascity.infokomen.org/site/TR/Events/KNS_GreaterKansasCityAffiliate?pxfid=284816&fr_id=1771&pg=fund To learn more about Triple Negative Breast Cancer, click here: http://ww5.komen.org/uploadedFiles/Content_Binaries/KOMEED079100.pdf

SPW Magazine – February 2014 5

Funding Your Non-Profit

Vision

By Kathleen Jackson There are people among us with vision

inside of them for an organization that will

change a neighborhood, a community or

nations. You passion may have provoked

you to give, and do and pour into such a

vision, but on your salary you can only do so

much. Has it ever occurred to you that your

passion might be a viable Non-Profit

Organization? Before you spend another

paycheck funding your community idea,

consider treating your passion like a

business. Following are some steps to

determine if your passion can be funded as a

Non-Profit Organization:

Clearly define your “Vision.”

I recommend that once you’ve realized your

vision, document, research, and cultivate!

Having a vision is one thing, but

documentation of your vision with clearly

defined goals is also very important.

First Things First: If your vision needs a

non-profit designation you need to know the

following:

FEATURE ARTICLE

Once you have applied for and been granted a

501c3 designation, consider the following:

a. Not all corporations and foundations

will fund a new or start up

organization initially; most want to

see measurable results, population

served, and sustainability of the

organization beyond the funding

that they have granted.

b. Only research those organizations

that fund your specific focus area.

c. Carefully read funding source

guidelines; some may say they don’t

accept unsolicited requests, some

may indicate rolling deadlines,

while others may have specific

deadlines for Letter of Intent, and

actual proposal.

d. Once you’ve identified a funding

source that may appear to be a

“good” fit. Contact the program

officer to schedule an appointment

to discuss your organization, and

possibly offer a site visit.

e. Tell your organization’s story

wherever you can!

WAIT! You are about to miss the

BEST PART! Click here to purchase this

copy of Sepia Prime Woman Magazine,

or to subscribe for one year.

http://www.joomag.com/en/magazines?q=Sepia

+Prime+Woman

Don’t miss another opportunity to

enhance YOUR BOLD MOVE…

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What is a 501c3? Section 501(c)(3) is the portion of the US Internal

Revenue Code that allows for federal tax exemption of nonprofit organizations, specifically those that are

considered public charities, private foundations or private operating foundations. It is regulated and administered by the US Department of Treasury through the Internal Revenue Service. There are

other 501(c) organizations, indicated by categories 501(c)(1) – 501(c) (28). This discussion will focus on

501(c)(3). http://501c3.org/what-is-a-501c3/

SPW Magazine – February 2014 6

Funding Your Non-Profit Vision (continued)

Here are some other steps you can take:

Identify individuals and/or organizations that share the same vision, or a similar vision.

Research the length of time that they have been in existence, and identify their funders.

Cultivate existing relationships for support of your vision, and ask for introductions to others that may have the capacity to support financially.

Not all relationships will lead to financial funding, but they may lead to people who are considered “Connectors.” These are the people who can connect you to the right people that can help you realize your vision.

Finally, here are a few resources to help you identify funding:

Donors Forum Library: This is one of the best resources you can find! Not only will they assist you in identifying corporations and foundations that support your cause, they can assist you with identifying individual donors, and how to use a wealth engine to identify private donors and their

giving capacity. They also provide educational workshops, grant writing, and networking opportunities.

Crain’s Book of Lists: This annual

publication lists various corporations and

foundations along with their areas of

interest, net worth, and contact

information.

Private Foundations in Cook County

(Illinois) Website: This is a very helpful

website:

http://nccsdataweb.urban.org/PubApps/ge

oShowOrgs.php?Id=C17031&Code=C17031

&V=Pf&Src=County

The Go-Giver A Little Story About A

Powerful Business Idea by Bob Burg and

John David Mann.

To recap, here are the steps to funding your

Non-Profit Vision: Clearly define your

vision, Document your goals and who will

benefit, Research others that have the

same or similar vision, and Cultivate those

relationships!

Kathleen Jackson has been a professional

fundraiser for more than 20 years.

"A strong passion for any object will

ensure success, for the desire of the end

will point out the means"

--William Hazlitt

SPW Magazine – February 2014 7

PROFITABLY SPEAKING

Establishing Your Future

THROUGH Your Finances

By Winfred Burns, II

“Forgetting those things that are behind me, I

reach for what is in front of me, I press toward

the mark of the prize of the HIGH calling of

God in Christ.” (Philippians 3:13-14)

These words from Paul are the words many of us need to embrace. We learned what to do to make peace with our past but now we must make the next decision: what is my future. Yes, you determine your financial future. You determine whether you will live the rest of your years paycheck to paycheck or will you make the take the steps of those of us who embrace the high calling in our financial future.

Most of us spend all of our time focusing on a budget. We focus on what we spend and where we can save. We look at ways to increase a paycheck or add another stream of income. None of those are bad or wrong; however it is not the end.

When is the last time you completed a Personal Financial Statement? The Personal Financial Statement (PFS) is the true way to determine an individual’s net worth. Net worth is calculated by taking a person’s assets and subtracting liabilities. This is the true measure of your net worth because it not only assesses your bank account, but all assets and all liabilities.

The objective is to continue to reduce debt

(liabilities) so that more of your income can

be used to purchase appreciating assets.

This strategy is what sustains long term

wealth. As we have discussed in previous

writings, there are a few different methods

used to systematically reduce debt. When I

advise clients, I use the method that best fits

them and their lifestyle. I believe the

system only works if it is worked. Giving a

cookie cutter plan, in my experience, won’t

automatically give you the formula for

success in your household.

Looking at the asset side of a personal

financial statement you are able to see all

different form of assets from the most liquid

(how easy something is converted to cash)

to the least liquid. Now that you have a

solid budget in place, you have your team

(family) on board with a solid vision, it is

time to build. Begin paying down debt and

using the excess to purchase assets.

Whether you are under a mountain of debt

or have a small amount, remember this is a

condition that you can change. One

decision at a time, you can build the dream

life you want for you and your family.

Walk in Truth,

WBII

Winfred Burns II is a financial coach and

host of The Global Drive Show on Blog Talk

Radio.

SPW Magazine – February 2014 8

Frankly Speaking

Valentine’s Day Already?

By Stephanie Franklin

Ugh!!! I just finished with the struggles of learning what the lonely do at Christmas time and

now I’m being slammed with one of the most perceivably dreadful days of the year in the life of

a single person! If on no other day of the year, Cupid’s fury is unleashed and everybody is in

love with somebody (at least for the day) on Valentine’s Day. We are bombarded with reminders

that “he went to Jared’s” and Fannie Mae candy becomes the equivalent of crack! EVERYONE

seems to be saying it with roses, so you’ll stand a better chance of winning the lottery than of

finding a dozen.

The dating pool has quickly become a puddle (ESPECIALLY when you get older). You KNOW

the dating sites are getting special when there’s a phone line for farmers to get dates. Signs of

your desperation really begin to show when that one guy pursuing you, the one who looks like

the Keebler Elf’s cousin with missing teeth, isn’t looking so bad after all.

STOP! Take a breath…

You are going about this and looking at it all wrong. Being single is not a curse or a torturous

process you must endure while you await the arrival of your prince charming. If you can’t be

happy being single, then I can tell you that it will NOT, and I repeat, will NOT get better after

marriage. YOU have the privilege of creating your own happiness and what you desire.

It may seem a little weird at first, but trust me, it gets easier. Date yourself! Buy yourself those

dozen roses you love so much and get your own Fannie Mae Pixies. Put on

that nicely fitted dress (after you have consulted with Victoria and found out her secret), and pull

out all of the stops with the hair, nails and please don’t forget the shoes! Take yourself out to

dinner, the movies or wherever you like to go and enjoy yourself! You deserve it!

Doing things based on the expectations of others changes you because you give control of how

you feel about yourself to another person. When you do it for yourself, it’s not based on what

others think. Stay true to who you are and set the standard for what you expect for yourself.

Now if Cupid happens to put an arrow in the butt of someone who notices, well then…

But if he doesn’t, embrace your singleness and don’t’ settle out of desperation. It is said that

something is better than nothing. Trust me when I say that sometimes, nothing is better.

Now about those Pixies. . .…

SPW Magazine – February 2014 9

What’s On Your Heart?

Sepia Prime Woman conducted a survey

to find out the most pressing concerns

for Prime Timers. The results may

surprise you.

Future for our children: While

some may think we are less concerned

about our children as we get older, the

opposite is true. Whether it is concern

about employment opportunities for

adult children, or safety and education

for teens and younger children, 41% of

us are still more concerned about our

children’s future than anything else.

Accomplishing a task or dream:

18% of respondents said their desire to

accomplish a task or dream was a major

concern. This speaks to the kind of

impact BOLD Movers want to make in

the world and to the legacy that follows.

It may be starting a business, a

community outreach activity or ministry

project, but BOLD Movers are still

pursuing dreams and looking for

opportunities to make a difference.

BOLD Movers Speak

Crime: 14% The good news is that

respondents didn’t say crime was the

most pressing concern. The not-so-good

news is that answer to the first question

may reflect a higher concern about

crime than is indicated by response to

this question. BOLD Movers are

concerned about crime, but more

concerned about doing their part to

make the world better.

Money/Employment – 14%-- Many

of us are still being impacted by the state

of our economy, and the concerns about

employment and money were tied with

those about crime. It’s understandable.

According to an October

2013 NBC News article, nearly 40% of

unemployed workers are over age 45,

and the average time they are

unemployed can range from 45-57

weeks.

(http://inplainsight.nbcnews.com/_new

s/2013/11/16/21266839-over-50-and-

out-of-work-program-seeks-to-help-

long-term-unemployed?lite)

SPW Magazine – February 2014 10

Continued from previous page

Health 12% -- Imagine a time

that Prime Timers are more

concerned with achieving a dream

than with health concerns. That

time is now, and is likely due to

the fact that many are living active

lives that include exercise, healthy

eating and a healthy attitude

(gotta have one to pursue those

dreams).

State of the Church 3% -- We

allowed the addition of one

concern and this one got the most

responses. Three percent of

respondents are concerned about

the state of “the church.” This is

significant from a Prime Time

perspective because this

population (those aged 45 and up)

represents the group who are

considered to be “churched.” We

think this statistic bears watching

because if the “churched

population” starts showing greater

concern for the state of the church,

we may see changes in how Prime

Timers participate in church.

Here was another interesting

finding: When asked if they were

concerned about a marriage or

other relationship, 0 people

responded….

Join the community of BOLD Movers

at www.sepiaprimewoman.com, or

connect with us on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/S

epiaPrimeWoman/

Oh yes, expect to be challenged.

How else will you

Make A BOLD Move?

SPW Magazine – February 2014 11

SEPIA STYLE

True Love and the Perfect “Date Night” Shoe

By Monique Mayfield

Ah, le grand amour, the great love. Valentine’s Day is the day to celebrate that great love

in your life. In the traditional sense Valentine’s Day is known as the couple’s holiday.

The most standard way to celebrate the occasion is with a dinner and a movie date

night. At the heart of it, though, Valentine’s Day is simply about love. Love can exist

anywhere, with anything, and between anybody. Try something new. Set up your date

night around that great passion in your life whether its music, poetry, art, or food. This

year let’s make it a holiday for everybody by upgrading our Valentine’s Day date night

agenda and our date night shoe game.

As always with anything you do, you must look fierce while doing it. No fierce outfit is

complete without the perfect pair of shoes. As women I think each of us can admit that

we all have a shoe addict living deep inside us.

Set her free this Valentine’s Day. Have fun with

your shoe game. No matter where your date

night leads, make sure you go there in style.

If music is your thing and you find yourself

single on Valentine’s Day, plan a girl’s night out

dancing to your favorite songs. This red suede

shoe has a solid gold cuff that demands the

spotlight. It’s just the shoe to set your night on

fire. Pair them with your favorite flirty dress and

look good while you get your groove on.

Are you into literature, film, and just the general

craft of good storytelling? Try adding a twist to your

typical date night trip to the movies. Go to the

theater and see a play instead. Find out what’s

currently playing in your town. Get dressed to the

nines and complete your look with these sexy

leopard peep toe pumps.

SPW Magazine – February 2014 12

Do you love a good vino? If so, then attend a wine

tasting on Valentine’s Day. Over the past few years

restaurant wineries have been gaining popularity.

These restaurants with onsite wineries offer great

food, a laid back atmosphere, and a chance to expand

your knowledge of fine wines. These black suede metal

studded booties are sleek and sophisticated, much like

that full bodied Pinot Noir you may find yourself

indulging in.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! However you decide to celebrate your le grand amour

do it in style ladies!

Monique Mayfield is a fashion blogger for Dale & Company

SPW Magazine – February 2014 13

YOUR BODY STRONG

Why Fad Diets/Workouts Don't Work By Tasha Odunuyi

We live in a world where everybody wants it quick fast and in a hurry when it comes to weight loss. The first question I hear as a trainer is “How soon will I lose weight?”, or “How much can I lose in X amount of time?” People have grown accustomed to the latest trends that claim to deliver unrealistic amounts of weight loss in record time, and they don’t factor in other things that come along with this dangerous train of thought. You've heard the infomercials and video claims. There’s the lemonade diet, cabbage soup diet, the low carb and no carb diet, to name just a few. And let's not forget workouts: lose weight in 8, loose 30 pounds in 30 days, pills, patches, creams, wraps, guaranteed 10 pounds in 7 days and no workout needed programs. The TRUTH is that there is no magic pill for weight loss! Some may deliver results in short amounts of time but they lack the ability to educate people on the importance of a healthy, balanced approach to eating and the role exercise plays. Real weight loss is all about lifestyle changes. As a trainer, I want to help clients put systems in place that they can continue to use on a regular basis. These systems include things like:

Recognizing what's triggering unhealthy behaviors How to read food labels Understanding your motivation for losing weight Knowing how many calories are needed to burn a pound of fat Knowing if you have a healthy BMI/ and body fat percentage Workouts for various body types, kinds of cardio and when to use each one food prep and vision boards Knowing which muscles are being worked in an exercise, and how to design a

workout instead of going into a gym without a plan Proper workout form

These are all the things that fad diets and unrealistic workouts don’t address. In order to be successful at your weight loss goals you have to understand that the weight didn't come overnight and it won't disappear overnight. It is also not healthy to attempt to lose it overnight. I'm sure you have seen people who seem like the weight just fell off. Unfortunately the majority of those people put the weight back on and some. Fast weight loss does not last and it slows and damages your metabolism, which ultimately defeats the purpose of losing weight.

Continued on next page

SPW Magazine – February 2014 14

Continued from previous page

So how do you get started?

1. Sit down and write out your goals. Know where you're going.

2. Understand your Why. What are some of your reasons for wanting to

lose?

3. Recognize your triggers or bad habits; some triggers include stress,

boredom or habit.

4. Find a nutritionist or do some research on healthy eating habits. There

are tons of FREE resources online.

5. Start planning your meals and logging the foods you eat. People who use

a journal are more successful at reaching their goals because it serves as a

tool to understand what's working and what's not.

6. Find a fitness professional or accountability/workout partner.

7. Determine what day/ time you will food prep and schedule workouts.

Write it down and stick with it!

8. Look for fun activities you like to do. Dancing, skating, running groups or

joining a sports team like volleyball. In order to be successful you have to

enjoy it. Maybe you work better in small groups, classes or one-on-one

training.

9. Find a non food reward for reaching your goal. It could be as simple as a

new clothing item, spa day, girl's day out or money jar splurge for every goal

reached.

10. Write a letter to yourself talking about how reaching this goal will help

benefit you and the people around you.

The key is to realize that this won't be a fast approach but it will pay off in the end. Trust and believe that a consistent approach will yield longer lasting results and a greater sense of accomplishment knowing that you worked hard for it. Circle of Life Fitness has all the confidence that you can do it. If you’re in need of help to get started on your journey feel free to contact us. This is coming from a married mother of three who has been there and whose mission is to now help others achieve their fitness goals.

Tasha Odunuyi is owner of Circle of Life Fitness and an NASM/NPTI certified trainer. You can

reach her at: tasha@colfitness.com or visit her website at: www.colfitness.com

SPW Magazine – February 2014 15

By Marilyn Okoye

Are you the

compassionate

woman who pursues

truth and stands on

your beliefs with

determination? Are

you courageous

enough to make bold

moves, not only for your personal

gain, but for the betterment of your

family, community, and nation? Are

you bold enough to stand for what is

right, even when others around you

do wrong? Well, whether you realize

it or have been recognized for it, you

are a modern day “Shero”.

That’s something to reflect on; as

grandmothers, mothers, daughters, sisters,

aunts, nieces, spouses, co-workers, and

friends, that's who you are. You walk in

courage and integrity, caring for others,

consistent with your beliefs, and set an

example for the young women who cross

your path. You impact the lives of others

everyday. You don’t need to be pointed out

in a crowd. You don’t need to receive daily

accolades; you just live your life with the

determination to impact, in a positive way,

the world around you.

What does a “Shero” look like? She looks

like the grandmother who has raised not

only her children, but who has helped to

raise her children’s children, quietly

imparting wisdom into them. She is the

NURTURING YOU

mother, whether she works outside or inside

the home, loves her children with the

unconditional love that sets them on a path

for great success. She is the daughter, a

successful business entrepreneur who

creates programs that help other youth to

prepare for entrepreneurship. This

daughter returns the love and care that your

parents gave you as you went to school, got

your first job, and bought your first home. A

“Shero” could be the sister, who has

supported every sibling’s dream financially

and emotionally, and is now preparing to

travel the nation to promote economic

growth and self-sufficiency. The aunt is a

“Shero”; she may not have children of her

own, but gives time and talent to encourage

other children, and operates the community

center where hundreds of children come

every year. The niece, who at age 38 is a

successful civil rights lawyer fighting for the

rights of the less fortunate is a “Shero”. The

wife, who has esteemed and reverenced her

husband for 65 years of marriage, and

whose husband still calls her blessed, is a

“Shero”. The co-worker, who has taken on

the company to fight for all employees to

have rules and policies changed, is a

“Shero”. The friend, who stood during the

most difficult times, encouraged and

inspired others to face their fears, and

pursue their dreams, is a “Shero”. Some of

our greatest “Sheroes” are the single

mothers, facing everyday challenges with

strength and valor, raising children,

operating businesses, and mentoring.

SPW Magazine – February 2014 16

If you operate in any of these capacities with

courage and determination, I salute you and

thank you for making a difference in the

lives of your loved ones and ultimately the

world we live in. You are today’s modern-

day “Sheroes”, homemakers, entrepreneurs,

scholars, and activists and, you are far more

precious than rubies!

Here’s something else to consider:

February is Black History Month, a time we

celebrate our history and our heritage. To be

honest, our history should be celebrated

every day of the year. I am not going write a

list of accomplishments we have made over

the years. Instead, I am going to ask that

you do your own research. While the

internet and the libraries are great places to

start your research, I encourage you to start

with your family. Take some time each day

to talk with a family member about your

heritage, about your history, about your

legacy. Talk to Big Mama and Big Daddy,

your aunts and uncles, older cousins and

other relatives, one, two, and three

generations out. You may be amazed at the

historical accomplishments within your own

families. If you feel you have not discovered

any, then create some for the generations to

come. What is a need in your community?

Work to bring forth a solution. What

national or global changes do you want to

see? Create a plan of action to make it

happen. Your family is the next generation

of bold movers. We are a dynamic people

who have done great things and can still do

great things. So, in addition to celebrating

the accomplishments of our ancestors, let's

get our names added to the mix.

Never be too ashamed to know your

heritage or too proud to share your story.

You who sit among us today have a great

future; you are neither too young nor too

old. Our stories continue to unfold. Pay

attention to every detail and be careful of

the choices you make because they will tell...

our history, our heritage and our legacy.

Rosa Parks, by Bill Farnsworth,

from the book, Heroes for Civil

Rights, by David A. Adler.

Born: February 4, 1913 -Died

October24, 2005

SPW Magazine – February 2014 17

LOVING

Not Just Another Date Night

By Charles & Traci Childress

Traci Said:

About nine years ago I found myself

encumbered by life. I had things to do,

projects to complete, and children to

raise…you know the deal. Charles was also

being diligent in his affairs, but that meant

we didn’t’ spend a lot of time just being

with each other, even though we interacted

every day and slept through our movie

rentals on Friday nights. Something was

changing, and although we weren’t at each

other’s throats, a distance was silently

forming, and that wasn’t acceptable to either

of us. Coming to ourselves, we decided to

choose a date night once a month, when it

would least likely be interrupted, and from

the first date we saw the impact.

You might be thinking, “Once a month? Is

that all?” Well, before you judge it too

harshly, let me say that if you aren’t already

setting time aside, you could find yourself

overwhelmed, or worse, you could fall into

the rut of predictability. I’ll let Charles talk

more about that in a minute. Suffice it to

say, I have learned and suggest to you, that

once a month has its perks.

For starters, once a month is easier to guard

so you are less likely to allow others to

encroach upon your date. Second, once a

month will help build anticipation for your

special time. Third, if your budget is tight,

you will have time to accumulate funds for

your date, and fourth, the once a month date

gives you time to be more creative with your

date planning. Waiting until Valentine’s Day

to be creative is sad… you can do better

than that.

Charles Said:

Date night was a real game changer for our

relationship in the truest since of the term.

Prior to establishing that time once a month

we had virtually no relationship-enhancing

time together; there was always something

more “important” to do. Simply

establishing date night made it a day I

looked forward to, and our relationship was

now officially on the calendar like any other

important event in our life. Date night also

fostered the habit of thinking about us, our

likes and dislikes, and what we were going

to do each time. It’s important to note that

the reason we experienced such a large

positive impact was partially because we

went from almost no time together to a

regularly scheduled time. You might

already have frequent times together, and so

the question is no longer time itself, but

what you’re doing with that time.

The dictionary definition of the word “rut”

is “…a habit or pattern of behavior that has

become dull and unproductive but is hard to

change.” Wow, what a perfect description

of many so-called date nights. There is a

point when dinner and a movie becomes

muscle memory, they no longer contain any

fruitful conversation, interesting discoveries

or playful challenges; they simply become

another event to mark off the calendar…

like taking out the garbage.

Remove predictability from your date night

vocabulary. The very act of coming up with

new and creative ideas for your time

together will spur new conversation, and the

new experiences will bring about new

reactions, which will prompt fresh

excitement for your relationship. In the end,

isn’t that the whole purpose? It’s not about

spending a lot of money or being

extravagant. If you never go on a walk and

just talk, then for you that will be creative,

refreshing and impactful to your

relationship… and absolutely free. There’s

no excuse to settle for just another date

night. The investment you make in

creativity will pay higher dividends than you

ever imagined.

Traci Said:

I’d like to add kissing to this conversation

on creativity. How often do you kiss your

spouse? And I’m not talking about that

quick peck on the way out to work. Well,

here is a way to spice up your date night:

play the kissing game on the way to where

ever you are going. Kiss at every stop sign

and stop light (until it turns green) on the

way to your destination, and don’t be so

quick to get on the expressway. Be sure to

keep mints and don’t make excuses. If you

are thinking “that’s too much,” you may

have identified a need in your marriage, a

need to be lovers. As Charles said, the whole

idea of date night is to prompt

excitement…Did you see the movie Date

Night? If so, you know how that ended

(wink). Simple add-ons and twists to your

existing plans can be the game changer.

Sometimes the reason couples get stuck on

date night is because they are so set on what

they don’t want to do that they don’t allow

themselves to make discoveries. If you try

something and you don’t like it, try

something else next time, or talk about how

it can be improved and try it again. It’s not

really about the date, it’s about the

relationship.

If you don’t feel you can be creative, take

some time to get on-line and use someone

else’s creativity. On The Marriage Network,

Charles and I post Romantic Action Plans

(R.A.P), so take a peek and go to

www.funinmarriage.net.

Charles & Traci Childress oversee The

Marriage Network, a ministry that

empowers couples to see their relationship

as more than just co-habitating, but as an

opportunity to be a dynamic force in their

homes, community, and extended family.

You can find them at:

www.funinmarriage.net

SPW Magazine – February 2014 19

FROZEN HEARTS By Candice Payne If you have young children, especially

daughters, then you I’m sure you’ve seen

the latest Disney Princess movie,

Frozen. My daughter is so girly and

she owns every princess gown in the

Disney Store. I knew I’d probably get

my “Best Mom Ever” title revoked if I

didn’t take her to see this movie. I sat in

the theater waiting for the typical pretty

princess-in-distress-and-cute-guy-

saves-the-day movie, or so I thought. I

was wrong. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED

FROZEN!! Finally a kid chick flick that

embraces the importance of our bond

with our sisters (whether blood or not).

SPOILER ALERT: Elsa and Anna’s

relationship became strained when they

were very young. Elsa had a special

power but because she accidentally hurt

her sister Anna, her parents decided to

keep Elsa’s powers a secret and lock the

entire family away in their castle. I

believe the parents could have saved the

girls a lot of hurt if they had helped Elsa

embrace and understand her powers. A

few years later Elsa’s powers are

exposed to the others in the Kingdom

when Anna unintentionally upsets her.

After that Elsa released her powers

without fear. Elsa was still hurting

because of her past which caused her to

flee the kingdom. However Anna chose

not to give up on her sister and went

after her. People in the kingdom wanted

SUPERWOMAN SANCTUARY

to kill Elsa because her powers caused

an eternal winter. When Anna saw one

of the men trying to kill Elsa she threw

herself in the middle of them and froze

solid which prevented her sister from

dying. The reason Anna froze solid was

because Elsa, during an aggravating

argument, accidentally struck her heart.

Anna would remain frozen solid forever

unless she was unthawed by an “act of

true love.” It was assumed that Kristoff

(who grew fond of Anna while searching

for Elsa) needed to be the guy with the

magic kiss but in the end it was the true

love from her sister that she needed to

be restored.

I am not a feminist but I think

Sisterhood and Sisters, women who

have strong bonds are essential in life.

We finally have a Disney Princess movie

where a woman is not waiting for the

kiss of a Prince to heal her, or waiting

for him to ride in on a horse and save

her. This movie showed how two Sisters

who were complete opposites and

probably couldn’t stand each other at

times still loved each other. What I

loved the most was how protective they

were of each other. Anna didn’t like that

her sister got angry and caused an

eternal winter, but that didn’t stop her

from protecting Elsa from those who

were trying to harm her. Anna put her

own life on the line for her sister.

I thought men and women had the most

complicated relationships, but I think

women and women are complicated.

We are competitive, critical, and

SPW Magazine – February 2014 21

sometimes very cruel to one another. I

think we take for granted how much we

need each other. I’ve heard women say

they relate better with men and

wondered, how? Our husbands should

be our best friend, developing

relationships with the opposite sex is

healthy, and bonding with our children

is so precious… but in my opinion

another woman plays a crucial part in all

of it. No one “gets it” like another

woman. A man can understand but a

woman has experienced it. A man can

advise you based on knowledge, but a

woman can advise you based on wisdom

gained through experience. February is

the month people usually express love

for their significant other. Let’s bring

love back into the relationships among

women. There has to be at least one

woman you can trust other than your

mother. You should have a woman in

your life to encourage/mentor/challenge

you and you should be that same woman

to another woman. There are women

who believe they will NEVER be loved

unconditionally by a man and that belief

has caused major heartbreak and

bitterness. They need to be encouraged

and uplifted by other women who

overcame. We need to have a burden for

one another that makes us not want to

see our Sisters suffer. If you don’t have

a support group of women ask God for

guidance. It’s definitely important to

choose wisely because everyone will not

have your best interest at heart. If

you’ve been hurt by a woman or women,

forgive and move forward. Bonding

with your Sisters is good for the Soul!

“People make bad choices when

they’re mad, upset, or stressed.

Throw a little love their way and

you’ll bring out their best.”

-My favorite line from Frozen

Candice Payne is NOT a professional

counselor; she is a friend with an

opinion and host of The Superwoman

Sanctuary on Blog Talk Radio

beginning in March.

SPW Magazine – February 2014 22

THE MAIN THING

THE KING WAITS

By Terri Wilson Throughout history there have been many kings on many thrones. There were the African kings, the Norse kings and the Egyptian kings to name a few. Some were loved by their subjects and some were feared and hated by their subjects. Sometimes you asked for an audience with the king and sometimes you were summoned by the king. When you asked for an audience with the king you were expected to bring a gift: a first calf, the first harvest of the crops, or even a slave or two. When you were summoned by the king something was often taken from you, like your head, your children or your spouse. However I know a King who waits until we realize we need him. In my mind, I can see him shaking his head at us after we have tried and done all we know how to do. It's at that very time we have come to the end of our rope that he steps right in and fixes things better than we could have ourselves. He watches us run around, hitting our heads on the wall, wringing our hands, crying and sweating, and just when we're at the point where we throw our hands up in surrender, He steps in to make the crooked places straight, calms the seas, takes our burdens on his shoulders and allows us to rest. I believe I've heard the elders say take it to the altar and leave it there. Well, some of us, me included, have a tendency to go back to the altar and pick it up (or at least a part of it) again, thinking we can handle this piece or that piece. In the end, we are reminded of the reason we put it on the altar in the first place. Here’s a reminder that when you have done all you can do and are standing with that, “What do I do now?” look on your face, just remember, the King waits. Terri Wilson is a minister, women’s coach at her church and an author.

SPW Magazine – February 2014 23