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TRANSCRIPT
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Introduction 5 Anchors 8 Rapport 10 Reframing 12 Submodalities 14 Submodalities and Phobias 16 Eye Accessing Cues 16 Detecting Deception 18 Perceptual Positions 20 Representational Systems 23 Metaphors 26 Inner Conflict 28 The Meta Model 32
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Dear reader,
Welcome to NLP Quick Start Steps.
NLP is a powerful body of knowledge that can improve your life
in many ways.
I’m especially interested in showing you how you can use it to
improve your communication skills.
By reading people, creating rapport and adjusting the way you
(and others) see things the possibilities for positive influence are
endless.
Only Caveat: NLP can be overwhelming and difficult to grasp.
My goal in everything I teach is to make it as “digestible” as
possible for you.
That’s the purpose of this book. It’s to give you some basic
knowledge on NLP and how you can start using the techniques
right away without getting lost in the jargon.
That being said, should you decide that you want to take your
knowledge to the mastery level, then you should check out my
complete training - Paramount NLP.
Click Here To Learn More
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Introduction !An acronym for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP is an
approach in which one’s pattern of mental and emotional behavior
is changed by self-awareness and effective communication. NLP
was founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who felt that it
would be a useful technique in allowing people to have more
fulfilled and better lives.
The name comes from the idea that both neurological processes,
or “neuro” processes, and language, or “linguistic” and behavioral
patterns that have been learned through experience (referred to as
“programming”) could be organized to achieve specific goals.
Originally, it was developed for therapeutic purposes, but now
many people and businesses are using it to their advantage.
It’s not hard to understand why. If you can understand how a
person uses their mind you can then leverage that knowledge to
influence them. You can also use it to help improve their life as
well as yours.
NLP is a now considered a complete science. It began as a study
of the human mind. The main purpose was to help people to use
their mind in a way that would serve them positively.
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Let me explain the basis of how this works. There are some set
experiences in people’s mind such as sounds and colors. Original
research focused how changing one or all the components or
experiences of people would impact their emotional mindset. So,
they attempted to develop a strategy that would allow someone to
get rid of intense emotional behavior which could have been
caused by unpleasant experiences in life.
NLP is also helpful for increasing self-confidence, developing
public speaking skills, improving communication skills and a wide
array of other things.
The term ‘Neuro’ is associated with the individual neurological
system that is filtering millions of bytes of data using the nervous
system receptors, or the senses. These systems filter the data that
we receive to form what we call internal representations. They
include images, sounds, feelings, tastes and smells which all
constitute our conscious experience of the world. In the filtering
process, delations occur as these internal sensory representations
form an internal sensory “map” of the world as it is perceived by
that person, which differs from the world as it actually is. Beliefs
and values act as further psychological filters of the internal
representations to form a further perceptual map.
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‘Linguistic’ refers to the process by which the filtered internal
representations are re-represented and given conscious meaning
through the use of language.
‘Programming’ describes the automatic patterns of personal
behavior that are triggered by internal representations and
language. NLP practitioners use the analogy of the brain as a
computer that is programmed, and can be re-programmed, to run
selected behavioral patterns.
Basic NLP concepts can be divided into:
• Anchors
• Rapport building
• Reframing
• NLP Submodalities
• Eye accessing cues
• Perceptual Positions
• Representational Systems
• Metaphors
• Meta Model
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!Anchors !
Anchoring is one of NLP's central concepts. An anchor is the
situation in which two separate events get tied together in a
person's mind so that when one of the events occurs the second
event is remembered or recalled automatically by
their subconscious mind.
This happens all the time when we listen to music or eat certain
foods. You hear a song or taste a food that instantly causes you
remember a certain time in your past when you listened to the
song or ate the food.
How does an anchor develop?
Anchors develop when events take place simultaneously on a
regular basis for a certain number of times. For example, you eat
every time you watch television you may find yourself getting
hungry whenever you watch television.
Overly sensitive people (like myself) are more likely to develop
an anchor faster than anyone else. If two people experienced
something and one of them was overly sensitive then the overly
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sensitive person may develop an anchor faster than the other
person.
For example, let’s say two people work as laborers in a
construction outfit. The overwhelming work experience may be
anchored to the work place in the overly sensitive person's mind
more. Therefore, he may find himself unable to continue work and
he may even quit whereas the other person who is not that
sensitive to external conditions may find work tolerable.
Anchors are not a bad thing but they can be used to your side to
enforce positive behavior or to help you in quitting bad habits. For
example you can create an anchor that generates bad feelings
whenever you smoke; by doing so you can help yourself to quit
smoking just by using an anchor.
How to remove an anchor?
You may some bad anchors that you want to get rid of. For
example you may feel bad after you workout but you know working
out is good for you so you need to remove this feeling.
All you need to do is repeat one of the events alone without the
other one. As time passes your subconscious mind will separate
both events and the anchor will be removed.
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Rapport !Have you ever been to a foreign country where everyone is
speaking a different language and then you suddenly find someone
speaking your native language?
Imagine how you would feel hearing that voice. You will feel a
sense of familiarity and comfort around that person.
The reason you experienced such feelings is that rapport has
been established between you and that person.
Rapport building is and NLP technique that can make other
people have the same feelings towards you much like the feelings
you had towards that person you met abroad.
Establishing rapport is based on making the other person feel
that there is something common between you and them. This
causes that person to feel comfortable engaging with you.
Establishing Rapport Quickly
Rapport is a very powerful thing but in many cases it takes time
to really build it the right way.
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Think about the level of rapport you have with people that you
met recently versus people that you have known for years. Much
different right?
The challenge is that in many cases (like job interviews, first
dates, negotiations, etc.) we have limited to build rapport.
So how can you establish rapport in a quick meeting that takes
less than 15 minutes?
In this case you’re not going to establish rapport on
the conscious level but rather it’s going to happen subconsciously.
Al you need to do is convince the subconscious mind of the
other person that there is something common between you. This
can be done through body language and tone of voice you use .
Anytime you subtly mimic the body language of the other person
they will unconsciously start to experience familiarity and comfort
around you.
In addition to gestures and body language you need to mimic his
tone of voice and tempo.
Now comes the test. After you mimic few of this person’s
gestures, try to take a different position yourself and see if they
mimic you. If they do, rapport has been created.
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Reframing !Reframing is the process of changing the perception of a
situation in such a way that you see it positively rather than seeing
it negatively.
It’s called reframing because just as the frame of a picture helps
you see the picture, the frame you put around a situation allows
you to see the situation in a different way. The following are
examples of reframing which will make the concept more clear.
NLP Reframing Examples
You had some work to do on your computer and at the same
time you wanted to read a part of a book you bought recently. Then
in the middle of your work, an electrical outage takes place. Rather
than becoming stressed you can just view this situation as a good
opportunity to read the book until the power is back.
You win $75 on a lotto scratch off ticket. You come outside from
the store you bought it in and find a parking ticket for $75. Rather
than feeling like your win money was taken you look at it as your
parking ticket was magically “taken care of”.
You could view having a heavy workload as an opportunity to
improve your time management skills.
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A rainy day could be viewed as a good chance to spend some
more time with your family.
As you can see it’s not the situation that makes you feel bad or
irritated but it’s the frame that you put around it.
Using reframing doesn’t mean you have to be idealistic or a
perfectionist. Instead allows you to flip the script on unfavorable
events so that you can take advantage of them.
Positive Thinking and Reframing
Positive thinking is all about learning how to see the the glass
half full rather than half empty.
Now this has to be done correctly. All too many times I see
people distort reality by abandoning logic just to think positively.
Reframing is not about distorting reality. It’s there to help you find
the opportunities that you can take advantage of instead of
focusing on the difficulties.
In other words, there is a big difference between positive
thinkers who twist reality and positive thinkers who assess their
options rationally in order to determine the best ones.
In many cases people become irrational with their negative
thoughts and start assuming scenarios that will never happen. The
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role of positive thinking in this case is to let those people see
reality correctly instead of seeing a distorted version for it in their
minds.
!!!!!!Submodalities !If you asked a group of people to imagine a picture of a dog in their
minds, what kind of image are they going to see? Will it be colored or
black and white? Will the mental image be close or far? Will the dog
be still or will it be moving? Will the dog be looking friendly or will it
be wild?
!If you did that you will find that no two people will give the
same answer. Each one of us stores the attributes of an object
differently depending on what the object represents for us. For
example, if someone fears dogs then they will rarely imagine a
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calm sleeping dog but instead they might imagine a dog that is
ready to attack.
Changing A Mental Image In The Mind
If someone is unhappy with the way they look, chances are the
image they have in their mind of themselves will look ugly even if
they are really attractive.
By changing these attributes you can actually change your
beliefs about an object. Here is how you can do it:
Try to remember the last time someone insulted you or said
something that hurt you.
Now imagine the situation in your mind while noticing the
attributes associated with your situation. Note the colors of the
mental images, the distance, the size, and the sounds.
Now change the sound of the person speaking to be like Mickey
Mouse or Donald Duck and replay the video of the situation in your
mind.
In addition to the previous change make the size of that person
very small and repeat the video.
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Finally you can add some kind of background music like circus
music bells and then play the video.
Notice the difference? You will notice that the bad feelings that
were associated with the situation were almost neutralized because
of the attributes you have changed. This is how sub modalities
work.
Submodalities and Phobias !Submodalities can also be used to cure phobias. According to the
principles of NLP, the main reason you fear certain objects or
creatures is the way those things are represented in your mind.
Therefore if you change the way those objects are stored in your
mind, your emotional response towards them will change as well.
For example you fear cats then it would help a lot to think of
Garfield whenever a cat comes to your mind.
!Eye Accessing Cues !
Have you ever paid attention to eye movements?
Have you ever noticed that people's eyes move in different
directions when being asked a question?
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Research has shown that there is a connection between the
thought process of a person and the direction of their eyes. The six
possible directions that the eye can go to are upper right ,upper
left, and middle right , middle left , lower right and lower left .
Each direction represents a different function that takes place
inside the mind.
The following is an explanation of the different eye movements
and their respective meanings (Note that the following directions
are describing the eye positions of someone who is facing you):
Upper left ,visual construction (VC) : The person looking in
this direction is constructing the image of a visual scene. The
person's eye could go to this direction when they are asked about
the color of their dream car.
Upper right , visual remembering (VR) : The person looking
in this direction is remembering the image of a visual scene. That's
the direction someone could look at when they are asked about the
color of their car.
Middle left, auditory construction (AC) : The person looking
in this direction is constructing a sound. That's the direction the
person's eye could go to when asked a question like "What do you
think Joe will tell you when you meet him tomorrow?"
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Middle Right , auditory remembering (AR) : The person
looking in this direction is remembering a sound. That's the
direction the person's eye could go to when asked a question like
"What was your manager's voice like yesterday?"
Lower left Kinesthetic (K) : This is the direction someone's eye
goes to when he is accessing his feelings. That's the direction a
person's eyes could go to when asked something like "How did it
feel to fail that exam?"
Lower right ,auditory digital (AD) : This is the direction
someone's eye goes to when he talks to himself.
!Detecting Deception !!
The following concepts can be very useful in knowing whether
someone is telling the truth or whether they are lying to you.
Asking someone about the color of their car should cause their
eyes to move to the upper right (visual remembering ). If the eye
went to the direction of visual construction instead then they may
be constructing images instead of remembering them. the truth
may be that they don’t even have a car.
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The same applies when you ask someone about a conversation
that happened the day before. If they looked to the AR direction
then this shows that they are remembering the conversation. If
they looked at the AC direction then this may mean that they are
lying.
CAUTION: Note that using this method for detecting whether
someone is lying or not is very risky. There are some things you
should be aware of before you use such a method for detecting
deception. Below is a list of guidelines you should stick to if you are
going to use this method for "liar detection" so that you don't find
that everyone around you is a liar:
Some people have these six directions reversed. If you are not
sure of the directions they use then you can ask a test question.
The question is one that you already know the answer to. You’re
simply asking to record eye directions. By doing so you will know
the direction this person uses for remembering and the other
direction they use for construction. You could then ask real
question you want to know about and notice if the eyes move in a
different direction than the one they went to when you asked the
first question.
If the person was trying to remember something that recently
happened then their eyes may not go to any direction and could
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just stay in the middle. This happens because the event is still in
their short term memory.
Some people tend to remember by focusing and refocusing
without moving their eyes in any direction. In this case you can’t
really assess anything correctly. Fortunately those people are rare.
The mind is a superior device with thousands of thoughts going
in and out at the same time. Many thoughts could flood the mind
in one second causing the eyes to move into any direction and thus
give you false clues. Beware of this fact while questioning someone.
!Perceptual Positions
Since every person has their own perception of the same events
sometimes it’s useful to take a look at those events from a
perspective that is different than yours.
NLP defines those perspectives as Perceptual Positions and
divided them into the following three categories:
First Position: This is the normal perspective that you regularly
use. It is seeing the situation from your own perspective .
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Second Position: The second position is the perspective of the
other person involved with you in the same situation. In order to
get more insight about how they the situation you must step into
their shoes and think as if you were them. Forget about all of your
needs and think about their needs. Forget about yourself and think
as if you were them.
Third Position: The third position is the position of a third
person who is not involved in the same situation. For example if
you had a fight with someone else then the third person might be a
bystander who was watching you.
Using NLP Perceptual Positions
So what's the use of all of this? Since everyone acts on the basis
of their own needs and emotions, you need to be able to put
yourself in their shoes to truly understand powerful
communication.
Everyone is different. If you don't like money some other person
may like it. If you are confident the other person may be shy. If you
were a hard worker the other person may be a Type B personality.
Perceptual Positions and Anger
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One of the best uses of the third position is to deal with anger.
Once angry, try to look at the situation from a different perspective
before doing anything drastic. Looking at the situation from the
perspective of the third position will give you a clear picture of the
situation without being affected by emotions. You will be less likely
to make an emotional decision.
To see things from another perspective just close your eyes and
imagine that you are looking at yourself from the other person's
eye and think as if you were them.
Perception differs from one person to another.
Ten different people could go through the same situation yet
perceive it differently. Because each person processes the event
differently, people come up with different interpretations to the
same situations.
The person who manages to see the situation from a different
perspective is usually the one who will be able to understand
others the most.
Over the years you might have developed the habit of seeing
situations from a certain angle. Today is the day where you should
start learning how to see situations from a completely different
angle.
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!Representational Systems !
Each one of us has our own internal representation system that
we use when we think of something. Some of us use visual images
while thinking. Others may use sounds while a third group may
think based on their emotions.
In Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP, there are three
recognized representational systems which include visual auditory
and kinesthetic.
Visual people relate to the world generally by the way they see
things. When they speak, they will use terms like “I see, what
you’re saying” or “I can see why you would think that way”.
Visual people like to see the world in terms of pictures.
Therefore, creating a visual story or painting a picture for someone
with this representational system will be more effective than
anything else you might attempt.
Visual people also like to observe others and maybe fascinated
with photography or things that generally involve admiration or
envisioning.
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These people also enjoy reading and watching movies very
much.
What’s interesting is that they usually remember names as a
result of a visual cue that they received. An example would be how
something about a person’s face that they just met would remind
them of the person’s name.
Visual people are also very concerned with their appearance,
and they work better when following directions that are clearly
written down. When trying to influence a visual thinker, your best
bet is to provide them with written documentation in the form of
directions, proof or a general explanation of what you’re speaking
about.
Next on the list are auditory people. Auditory people assimilate
information by tuning in or listening to clearly hear what it is that
they are being told. They also enjoy talking with others and
conversation is something that they find very interesting.
For auditory people their world is represented by sound,
therefore, to get their attention and engage them, you must say
something that sounds very appealing to them.
Just as visual people like to look at directions auditory people
would rather hear directions read out loud by someone else,
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because retaining the information by looking at it can be difficult
for them, whereas hearing it is much easier for them.
Auditory people like to use phrases like, “that sounds good”,
“that is clear as a bell” and “listen to me”.
Simply put, auditory people understand spoken language more
than anything else. Therefore, when making a presentation to
them, focus more on the way that you’re saying things as opposed
to writing things down or trying to create a vision for them.
The third type of representational system is called kinesthetic.
People who fall into this category relate to the world, make
decisions and behave based upon the way something feels to them.
You could call them touchy-feely people. They relate to both touch
and motion.
Kinesthetic people assimilate information through their sense of
touch. And because of this, they are very skilled in certain areas.
As an example, they are typically known to acquire a physical skill
faster than the average person.
Common phrases that you may hear come out of the mouth of a
person who is kinesthetic say things like “callus” or “all washed
up”. They may also use phrases like, “I feel you” or “that feels
right”.
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They also like to give analogies that relate to the way you would
feel if certain event took place. As an example, instead of saying “I
was really mad”, they would say something like “my blood was
boiling”.
The next time you begin a conversation with someone,start
paying attention to the way they communicate. You’ll begin to
notice that people generally fall into one of these three categories
and you will be better equipped to communicate with them.
!Now there will be times where people are using multiple
representational systems but generally there is one dominant
system that controls their outlook on life.
!Metaphors !
We all use metaphors while speaking either in the form of
phrases that we say or in the form of a stories that we tell.
When you use a metaphor you access certain values in your
brain based on your background, culture and belief system. This
information becomes loaded into your brain and so may impact the
decisions or choices made at that time.
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The same happens when you use a metaphor when talking to
someone else. This person also accesses a certain part of their mind
based on the metaphor you used.
By selecting the metaphors you use you can let the person you
are talking to load certain information into their mind and so
essentially control their behavior and choices to a certain extent.
In one experiment 3 groups of people were exposed to a game
that contained lots of words. The first group was exposed to words
such as anger, rage etc. The people in the second group were
exposed to words such as kindness and politeness while the third
group was exposed to neutral words.
Moments later the people in the three groups were interrupted
by a person who worked with the researchers. The result was that
the first group became aggressive towards him, the second group
was less aggressive while the third was neutral.
This research shows how people can be affected by words.
Metaphors also bypass the conscious mind and reach
the subconscious mind of a person directly making it a suitable
method for giving suggestions to a person during hypnosis.
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Metaphors can bypass the conscious mind and therefore can be
used to reprogram people to a certain extent.
When a friend of yours asks you for help with an emotional
problem you can use metaphors to help them out instead of giving
him the answers directly.
Because people respond better to metaphors your friend can
experience a good change in mood without realizing that
metaphors were the reason.
Use metaphors whenever you are trying to motivate a person or
make them feel better.
!Inner Conflict !
Inner conflict often occurs when a person has two similar
yet contrasting “towards” values and “away from” values. For
example, a person may be extremely fearful of being poor
because he had been poor since he was young. He has a strong
“away from poverty” value that he keeps at the very center of
his mindset.
On the other hand, he also has a positive/affirmative
“towards” value: “I want to be wealthy”. To many people, these
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two values are the same because the perceived end is also the
same. But in reality, the subconscious mind is really getting
a very conflicting message.
Poverty is central to the person’s thinking and yet, he also
wants wealth. This is a very problematic situation because the
subconscious mind will transform the negative value into a
positive one (“I want to be poor”) and it will attempt to pursue
both values to the detriment of the person. It is obvious that in
such cases, the “away from” value must be removed to
improve the person’s chances of success.
!Many people find it difficult to switch the priorities of their
values especially when they are able to examine their values
up close (e.g. when the values are written down on paper).
Sometimes, people choose to reinforce the hierarchy of values
that they have created to their own detriment. If you want to
change your own priorities but you don’t know how, this simple
NLP exercise will help you do exactly that:
1. As we have discussed in a previous section, the mind
represents values as images, sounds, etc. These are the m o d
a l i ti e s h a v e c o r r e s p o n d i n g submodalities.
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For example, if an experience is represented primarily by
an image, you can adjust the color, brightness and even texture of
the image in your mind. The adjustment is possible because
the sensorial representation of memories always yield to
modification via submodalities. We are going to take advantage
of the fact that any memory or value can be modified in this
manner. What I want you to do is to revisit the list of values
that you have created in the previous exercise and try to
identify that one value that you would like prioritize more than
the others.
Here is a sample list of values:
Wealth
Hanging Out
Rest & Relaxation
Spirituality
Socializing
Business
2. Let’s say you want to start prioritizing creating a business
of your own but all the other values are preventing you from
focusing on this particular value. What should you do?
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If we were to use the list I provided in the previous step,
you would see that business is sixth out of a list of six items.
It has been placed as least priority.
The top three values are “wealth”, “hanging out” and “rest &
relaxation”.
Let’s say that you are willing to swap “rest & relaxation”
with “business”. To c h a n g i n g t h e h i e r a r c h y i n y o u r
subconscious mind, we need to tweak the submodality of one
value a bit. I want you to visualize what it means for you to
have “rest & relaxation”.
Hold that image clearly in your mind and make it as vivid
as possible. When the mental image of the “rest &
relaxation” is as vivid as possible, I want you to quickly retrieve
your memory of “business”. Quickly transfer all of the vividness
of the “rest & relaxation” to the “business” mental picture.
You can also use other submodalities to differentiate one
mental image from another. For example, you can make the first
mental picture small and the second mental picture bigger. One
mental image can also be hazy while the other is extremely
sharp and focused. Use
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The Meta Model !The Meta model is one of the very useful tools that can be used
in communication because it counters the effect of Deletions,
Distortions and Generalizations that people usually make while
communicating.
The Meta model is sometimes referred to as a Meta language
because it involves changing the way you use the language in order
to communicate more effectively.
Deletions, Distortions and Generalizations
Without realizing it people usually filter their experiences by
deleting some parts, distorting others and generalizing these
experiences. Below are examples that will make all three types
clear:
Distortion: I am sure he hates me , I am sure that this was a fake
smile.
Deletion: No one ever liked me and when people tell me they
do, it’s always a complement.
Generalization: All men cheat.
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These transformations that people make to the situations they
face make these situations appear as if they were bad and
intolerable.
People usually filter what they hear or see in order to prove their
existing prejudgments to true. For example, if a guy lacks self
confidence he will delete all the compliments he receives. He will
distort reality to prove that people hate him and he will over
generalize by saying that no one ever loved him.
The Meta model involves being more specific in order to prove
to others that their filters have changed their real experiences.
Let’s take the three examples mentioned above and see how can
you can ask questions using the Meta model in order to deal with
them:
I am sure he hates me , I am sure that this was a fake smile.
Meta: Why are you sure? What evidence do you have to prove it?
No one ever liked me and when people tell me they do, it’s
always a complement
Meta: Haven’t you ever met a person who liked you?
All men cheat
Meta: Don’t you even know one man who doesn’t?
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As you can see the main purpose of Meta language is to prove to
those people that they were wrong and that they have distorted the
reality through these distortions, deletions and generalizations. By
the way, you can also use Meta language with yourself whenever
you find yourself making irrational judgments or distorting your
own reality.
Using The Meta Model
One of the main uses for the Meta model is changing your core
beliefs. Let’s suppose that you believe that you are inferior in some
way to others. In this case asking yourself questions using the Meta
model will let you realize that your beliefs are based on nothing.
Many of the psychological disorders people suffer from result
from the false beliefs those people acquired throughout their lives.
By challenging beliefs using the Meta model you can build self
confidence, become optimistic and live a better live.
Now that you understand how you can start using basic NLP
concepts and techniques, it’s time to take things to the next level.
Paramount NLP is my complete training on NLP and will give a
mastery level understanding of the concepts without
overwhelming you.
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Click Here To Learn More
Talk soon,
Paul
!!!!
!!!
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