SEMESTER-III (2010-11)ADD-ON COURSE

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT AND WELLNESS

PART-I

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT READING MATERIAL

DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGYOSMANIA UNIVERSITYHYDERABAD – 500 007.

Unit-1:

Module I

Prepared by : Dr.P.Swathi

Module II

Prepared by : Prof.Varsha Sane Godbole

Module III

Prepared by : Dr.Renuka Regani

Module IV

Prepared by : Dr.K.P.Suman

Unit-2

Module-I

Prepared by : Ms.Kiran Rathore

Module-II

Prepared by : Prof.Varsha Sane Godbole

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT AND WELLNESS*ADD-ON COURSE

SEMESTER-III (2010-11)DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY

OSMANIA UNIVERSITY, HYDERABAD – 500 007.

SYLLABUS

Unit – 1

Module I: Concept of Personality: Factors influencing personality; Know yourself (Johari

window); SWOT Analysis, Levels of Aspiration; goal setting: educational, vocational

and social.

Module II: Development of Self: Components of Self, Factors influencing self, self

concept, self esteem, self awareness, self acceptance and self confidence.

Module III: Personal Motivation: Concept of Motivation: Types of Motivation; Intrinsic

and Extrinsic, Achievement Motivation, Barriers in achievement – Fear of success and

fear of failure.

Module IV: Understanding and managing emotions, (i.e. what is emotion, components of

emotions, emotional awareness, expression and regulation, emotional competency).

Managing anger and Anxiety.

Unit – II

Module-I: Stress management: Concept of Stress, Types of stress (i.e. stress, distress),

Factors Influencing stress, Reaction to stress. Methods of reducing stress – Time

management, Cognitive Appraisal, Developing Positive attitude, Optimism,

Assertiveness, Resilience Hardiness, Altering your environment. Life Style management.

Module-II: Effective Interpersonal relationship: Types of interpersonal relationships,

Relationship with family, Relationship with Friends, Hetrosexual relationship,

Homosexual relationship, Enhancing relationship skills, Communication skills, Conflict

resolution skills.

*The material related to the “Wellness component of this syllabus has been prepared

by Dr.Kennedy of Apollo Hospital.

1

Unit-2Module I: STRESS AND ITS MANAGEMENT

Prepared by: Ms.Kiran Rathore

Stress, or to be more accurate pressure, is an unavoidable part of everyday life, meaning different things to each of us. You only have to pick up a newspaper, read a magazine, watch television, listen to the radio or walk into any bookshop and see the many books written on the subject of stress, to realize that we perceive it to be a big problem. Stress is much more recognized than it used to be, we have become very aware of the potential negative impact of stress on our health. Yet despite all of this information and wealth of knowledge, the subject of stress still remains vague and not very well understood. There are also many myths about stress that are not accurate and this further confuses the subject.

What is Stress?

"Stress is a reaction people have when excessive pressure or demands are placed upon them, and arises when an individual believes they are unable to cope."

Although we all talk about stress, it often isn’t clear what stress is really about. Many peopleconsider stress to be something that happens to them, an event such as an injury or a job loss. Others think that stress is what happens to our body, mind, and behavior in response to an event (E.g. heart pounding, anxiety, or nail biting). While stress does involve events and our response to then, these are not the most important factors. Our thoughts about the situations in which we find ourselves are the critical factor.

When something happens to us, we automatically evaluate the situation mentally. We decide if it is threatening to us, how we need to deal with the situation, and what skills we can use. If we decide that the demands of the situation outweigh the skills we have, then we label the situation as “stressful” and react with the classic “stress response.” If we decide that our coping skills outweigh the demands of the situation, then we don’t see it as “stressful.”

Stress can come from any situation or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, or anxious. Everyone sees situations differently and has different coping skills. For this reason, no two people will respond exactly the same way to a given situation. Additionally, not all situations that are labeled “stressful” are negative. The birth of a child, being promoted at work, marriage or moving to a new home may not be perceived as threatening. However, we may feel that situations are “stressful” because we don’t feel fully prepared to deal with them.

Stress is a normal part of life. In small quantities, stress is good; it can motivate you and help you become more productive. However, too much stress, or a strong response to stress can be harmful. How we perceive a stress provoking event and how we react to it determines its impact on our health. We may be motivated and invigorated by the events in our lives, or we may see some as “stressful” and respond in a manner that may have a negative effect on our physical, mental, and social well-being.

If we always respond in a negative way, our health and happiness may suffer. By understandingourselves and our reaction to stress-provoking situations, we can learn to handle stress more effectively. In the most accurate meaning, stress management is not about learning how to avoid or

2

escape the pressures and turbulence of modern living; it is about learning to appreciate how the body reacts to these pressures, and about learning how to develop skills which enhance the body’s adjustment. To learn stress management is to learn about the mind-body connection and to the degree to which we can control our health in a positive sense.

Sources of StressWe can experience stress from four basic sources:

The Environment – the environment can bombard you with intense and competing demands to adjust. Examples of environmental stressors include weather, noise, crowding, pollution, traffic, unsafe and substandard housing, and crime

Social Stressors – we can experience multiple stressors arising from the demands of the different social roles we occupy, such as parent, spouse, caregiver, and employee. Some examples of social stressors include deadlines, financial problems, job interviews, presentations, disagreements, demands for your time and attention, loss of a loved one and divorce

Physiological – Situations and circumstances affecting our body can be experienced as physiological stressors. Examples of physiological stressors include rapid growth of adolescence, menopause, illness, aging, giving birth, accidents, lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and sleep disturbances.

Thoughts – Your brain interprets and perceives situations as stressful, difficult, painful, or pleasant. Some situations in life are stress provoking, but it is our thoughts that determinewhether they are a problem for us.

Types of Stressors

Situations that are considered stress provoking are known as stressors. Stress is not always a bad thing. Stress is simply the body’s response to changes that create taxing demands. Many professionals suggest that there is a difference between what we perceive as positive stress, and distress, which refers to negative stress. In daily life, we often use the term “stress” to describe negative situations. This leads many people to believe that all stress is bad for you, which is not true.Positive stress has the following characteristics:• Motivates, focuses energy • Is short-term• Is perceived as within our coping abilities • Feels exciting• Improves performance

Examples of positive personal stressors might include receiving a promotion at work, Starting a new job or college, marriage, buying a home, having a child, moving or taking or planning a vacation etc

In contrast, negative stress has the following characteristics:• Causes anxiety or concern • Can be short or long-term• Is perceived as outside of our coping abilities• Feels unpleasant• Decreases performance • Can lead to mental and physical problems

3

Examples of negative personal stressors can include the death of a partner, filing for divorce, exams, the death of a family member, hospitalization (oneself or a family member), injury or illness (oneself or a family member) etc

Internal Sources of Stress and Anxiety

Stressors are not always limited to situations where some external situation is creating a problem. Internal events such as feelings, thoughts, and habitual behaviors can also cause negative stress.Common internal sources of distress include:• Fears (e.g., fears of flying, heights, public speaking, chatting with strangers at a party)• Repetitive thought patterns• Worrying about future events (e.g., waiting for entrance test results or job restructuring)• Unrealistic or perfectionist expectationsHabitual behavior patterns that can lead to stress include:• Over scheduling • Failing to be assertive• Failing to set and maintain healthy boundaries • Procrastination and/or failing to plan ahead

Cognitive Aspects of Stress and Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling that we commonly experience when faced with stressful life events. Anxiety can be one of the most distressing emotions that people feel. It is sometimes called “fear or nervousness”. Common reactions to anxiety include:Physical Symptoms:• Sweaty palms • Muscle tension • Racing heart• Flushed cheeks • Light headednessBehaviors:• Avoiding situations where experiencing anxiety might occur• Leaving situations when feelings of anxiety begins to occur• Trying to do things perfectly or trying to control events to prevent dangerMoods:• Nervous • Irritable • Anxious • PanickyThoughts:• Overestimation of danger • Underestimation of your ability to cope• Underestimation of help available • Worries and catastrophic thoughts

Stressors can contribute to our feelings of anxiety. Examples of stressors that contribute to feelings of anxiety might include trauma (being abused, being in an accident, war); illness or death, things we are taught (“snakes will bite you”); things we observe (an article in the newspaper about a plane crash); and experiences that seem too much to handle (giving a speech, job promotion or termination, having a baby). The thoughts that accompany anxiety involve the perception that we are in danger or that we are threatened or vulnerable in some way. A threat of danger can be physical, mental, or social. A physical threat occurs when you believe that you will be physically hurt (e.g., a snake bite, a heart attack, being hit). A social threat occurs when you believe you will be rejected, humiliated, embarrassed, or put down. A mental threat occurs when something makesyou worry that you are going crazy or losing your mind.

4

The perception of the threats varies from person to person. Some people, because of their life experiences, may feel threatened very easily and will often feel anxious. Other people may feel a greater sense of safety or security. Certain life experiences such as growing up in a chaotic home with volatile surroundings may lead a person to conclude that the world and other people are dangerous. The perception of danger and sense of vulnerability may have helped a person survive as a child. Being able to recognize danger and its early warning signs are critical to one’s emotionaland physical survival. Some may have developed a very fine ability to spot and respond to dangerous situations.As an adult, it may become important to evaluate whether or not its possible that one is over-responding to danger and threat. Perhaps the people in their adult life are not as threatening as the people in their childhood. One might consider whether or not their resources and abilities to cope as an adult open new and creative ways of responding to threat and anxiety.

Signs and Symptoms of Stress Overload

It is important to learn how to recognize when your stress levels are “out of control” or having an adverse effect. The signs and symptoms of stress overload can be almost anything. Stress affects the mind, body, and behavior in many ways, and everyone experiences stress differently. Three common ways that people respond when they are overwhelmed by stress are:1. An angry or agitated stress response. You may feel heated, keyed-up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.2. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.3. Both a tens and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and feel like you can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you may feel extremely agitated.

The following lists some of the common warning signs and symptoms of stress. The more signs and symptoms you notice in yourself, the closer you might be to feeling stress overload.

Cognitive Symptoms:• Memory problems • Inability or difficulty concentrating• Poor judgment • Seeing only the negative• Anxious, racing, or ruminating thoughts • Constant worryingEmotional Symptoms:• Moodiness • Irritability or short-tempered• Agitation, inability to relax . Feeling overwhelmed• Sense of loneliness or isolation • Depression or general unhappinessPhysical Symptoms:• Aches and pains, muscle tension • Diarrhea or constipation• Nausea, dizziness, or butterflies in the stomach • Chest pain or rapid heartbeat• Loss of sex drive • Frequent colds• Shallow breathing and sweatingBehavioral Symptoms:• Eating more or less • Sleeping too much or too little• Isolating yourself from others • Procrastinating or neglecting

responsibilities• Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax • Nervous habits (nail biting, pacing)

5

Keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of stress also can be caused by other psychological and medical problems. If you’re experiencing any of the warning signs of stress, it’s important to see a doctor for an evaluation. Your doctor can help you determine whether or not your symptoms are stress related.

The Stress ResponseThe groundwork for the modern meaning of “stress” was laid by Dr. Walter B. Cannon, aphysiologist at Harvard almost 100 years ago. He was the first to describe the “fight or flight response” as a series of involuntary physiological and biochemical changes that prepare you to deal with threats of danger. This response was critical to the survival of primitive humankind when requiring quick bursts of energy to fight or flee predators such as the saber-toothed tiger.

Hans Selye, the first major researcher on stress, was able to trace what happens in your body during the fight or flight response. He found that any problem, real or imagined, could cause the cerebral cortex (the thinking part of the brain) to send an alarm to the hypothalamus (the main switch for the stress response, located in the midbrain). The hypothalamus then stimulates the sympathetic nervous system to make a series of changes in your body. Your heart rate, breathing rate, muscle tension, metabolism, and blood pressure all increase. Your hands and feet get cold as blood is directed away from your extremities and digestive system into the larger muscles that can help you fight or run. You experience butterflies in your stomach. Your diaphragm locks. Your pupils dilate to sharpen your vision and your hearing becomes more acute. While all of this is going on, something else happens that can have long-term negative effects if left unchecked. Your adrenal glands start to secrete corticoids (adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine), which inhibit digestion, reproduction, growth, and tissue repair and the responses of your immune and inflammatory systems. In other words, some very important functions that keep your body healthy begin to shut down. The stress response is useful and can be necessary in times of emergency, but the frequent or unrelenting triggering of the stress response in our modern life without a balancing relaxation response can contribute to a number of illnesses and symptoms.

Stress Hardiness"You can't always influence what others may say or do to you but you can influence how you react and respond to it."

Research has shown that some people are more resistant to stress and better able to cope with it than others. This is partly due to the fact that some people have a number of personality traits that protect them from the effects of stress; psychologists call this the stress-hardy personality.

One researcher in the stress hardiness field is clinical psychologist Dr.Susan Kobasa. In the late 1970s she carried out a study on a group of executives who were under a lot of stress whilst their company, the Bell Telephone Company in the USA, was undergoing radical restructuring. On completion of the study, when the data was analyzed, she found that certain personality traits protected some of the executives and managers from the health ravages of stress.

These stress hardy personality traits included:

1. Commitment 2. Control 3. Challenge

6

The executives who had these stress hardy personality traits decreased their risk of developing a stress related health problem by a massive 50%. Stress hardy people obviously have a natural advantage than those of us who do not have these personality traits; however research is suggesting that those of us who do not naturally have the stress hardy personality traits can actually learn them, with time and practice, and so increase our own levels of stress hardiness. Having a stress hardy personality doesn't mean that a person never ever suffers stress; it means that their ability to deal with it, without it causing a problem, is greater. It's about learning to control how we react to the challenges we face in a more flexible, confident and less destructive way. We will now discuss in more detail the Stress Hardy personality traits:

1. CommitmentCommitment means having a purpose to life and involvement in family, work, community, social, friends, religious faith, ourselves, etc., giving us a meaning to our lives. When we have this commitment to something or someone that is important to us, this gives our life a purpose. When committed to something we tend to be motivated to put in more effort. This can help us to find a goodness and meaning to our lives.

2. ControlStudies have shown that how much control we perceive we have over any stressor will influence how difficult the stressor will be for us to cope with. Researchers have found there are basically two types of control, Internal and External, and these can either exacerbate or reduce a stressful situation.

Internal Locus of Control: With the internal locus of control people are aware that they cannot influence all the external events that go on in their lives, but they do have a deep sense that they have a choice in how they react to that stressor and believe that although they cannot totally influence it, they do have some influence over the event.

External Locus of Control: In the external locus of control people believe that they have little or no control over what happens to them; what happens is due to fate or destiny and that they will not be able to influence it. For example, someone who suffers a chronic back problem may believe it is their destiny and fate in life to suffer the pain. They may believe there is nothing they can do to influence their condition and the subsequent pain, so therefore they do not take any action, nor use any strategies that could enable them to reduce their pain.

In life it is impossible to remove all the pressure and stress that we will encounter, but that doesn't mean we are impotent in the face of it. By learning stress Management strategies we can influence how these events affect us, even though we cannot remove them. For example, in one study researchers looked at two groups of people who were under stress. One group practiced relaxation regularly and the other group did not. The research data revealed that, although both groups had higher levels of stress hormones, the group that practiced relaxation showed less effect of these stress hormones on their organs and systems when compared to the group who did not practice relaxation.

We do have some degree of control over how stressors affect us. The late Dr Viktor Frankyl, a psychiatrist who was a prisoner in the Nazi concentration camp at Auschwitz, said the one thing that you can not take away from a person is their choice of how they deal with the difficult situations which they find themselves in. In managing our stress its important to recognize where our locus of control is and with time, stress management training and practice we can move from an external locus of control to a more internal locus of control and in so doing improve our coping abilities.

3. ChallengeChallenge is about how we perceive the events that occur in our lives; seeing our difficulties as a challenge rather than as a threat and accepting that the only thing in life that is constant, is change.

7

There is an Old Russian proverb that says we can never put our foot in the same river water twice. If we view change as a total threat or see every difficulty we encounter as threatening to us then this is going to trigger a stronger fight/flight response than if we see the event as a challenge. Stress hardy people do not spend time ruminating over why things have to change, they are not frightened by it, they accept it as being a natural part of life, not a threat but an opportunity to learn and grow.

STRESS MANAGEMENTOVERSTRESS makes people feel terrible. People complain of being tired, unable to fall asleep or to obtain a restful night's sleep. They have plagues of aches and pains, lack of energy, lack of enjoyment of life. They feel depressed, anxious, or just unable to cope with life. What can you do to reduce stress in your life?

• Accept that there are events that you cannot control. • Be assertive instead of aggressive. "Assert" your feelings, opinions or beliefs instead of becoming angry, combative or passive. • Learn to relax. • Eat well-balanced meals. • Rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events. • Don't rely on alcohol or drugs to reduce stress. • Decrease caffeine (coffee, tea, colas, chocolate). • Regular exercise (at least 30 minutes, three times per week). • Leisure time (do something for yourself everyday). • Diversion and distraction: Take time-out (anything from a short walk to a vacation) to get away from the things that are bothering you. This will not resolve the problem, but it will give you a break and a chance for your stress levels to decrease. Then, you can return to deal with issues feeling more rested and in a better frame of mind. • Relaxation exercises (e.g., mind relaxation, deep breathing relaxation).

THOUGHT AWARENESS, RATIONAL THINKING AND POSITIVE THINKING Thought Awareness Quite often, our experience of stress comes from our perception of the situation. Perception is the key to this, as situations are not stressful in their own right. Rather it is our interpretation of the situation that drives the level of stress that we feel. Often that perception is right, but sometimes it is not. Often we are unreasonably harsh with ourselves or instinctively jump to wrong conclusions about people’s motives. This can send us into a downward spiral of negative thinking that can be hard to break.

Quite obviously, sometimes we are right in what we say to ourselves. Some situations may actually be dangerous, may threaten us physically, socially or in our career. Here, stress and emotion are part of the early warning system that alerts us to the threat from these situations. Very often, however, we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves in a way that we would never be with friends or co-workers. This, along with other negative thinking, can cause intense stress and unhappiness and can severely undermine self-confidence.

A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to flit into our consciousness, do their damage and flit back out again with their significance, having barely been noticed. Since we do not challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong. Yet, this does not diminish their harmful affect.

One of the ways to monitor our thoughts is through the use of a stress diary. One of the benefits of using the Stress Diary is that you log all of the unpleasant things in your life that cause you stress

8

for one or two weeks. This would include negative thoughts and anxieties, and can also include difficult or unpleasant memories and situations that you perceive as negative. By logging your negative thoughts for a reasonable period of time, you will quickly see patterns in your negative thinking. When you analyze your diary at the end of the period, you should be able to see the most common and the most damaging thoughts. Tackle these as a priority.

Rational thinking The next step in dealing with negative thinking is to challenge the negative thoughts that you identified using the Thought Awareness technique. Look at every thought you wrote down and rationally challenge it. Ask yourself whether the thought is reasonable: Does it stand up to fair scrutiny?

As an example, by analyzing your Stress Diary you might identify that you have frequently had the following negative thoughts:

• Feelings of inadequacy • Worries that your performance in your job will not be good enough • An anxiety that things outside your control will undermine your efforts • Worries about other people’s reactions to your work

Starting with these, you might challenge these negative thoughts in the ways shown:

• Feelings of inadequacy: Have you trained and educated yourself as well as you reasonably should to do the job? Do you have the experience and resources you need to do it? Have you planned, prepared and rehearsed appropriately? If you have done all of these, are you setting yourself unattainably high standards for doing the job?

• Worries about performance: Do you have the training that a reasonable person would think is needed to do a good job? Have you planned appropriately? Do you have the information and resources you need? Have you cleared the time you need and cued up your support team appropriately? Have you prepared appropriately? If you have not, then you need to do these things quickly. If you have, then you are well positioned to give the best performance that you can.

• Problems with issues outside your control: Have you conducted appropriate contingency planning?

• Worry about other people’s reactions: If you have put in good preparation, and you do the best you can, then that is all that you need to know. If you perform as well as you reasonably can, then fair people are likely to respond well. If people are not fair, then this is something outside your control.

Positive Thinking Where you have used Rational Thinking to identify incorrect negative thinking, it can often be useful to prepare rational positive thoughts and affirmations to counter them. Continuing the examples above, positive affirmations might be:

• Feelings of inadequacy: “I am well trained for this. I have the experience, the tools and the resources I need. I have thought through and prepared for all possible issues. I can do a superb job.”

• Worries about performance: “I have researched and planned well for this, and I thoroughly understand the problem. I have the time, resources and help I need. I am well prepared to do an excellent job.”

• Problems issues outside your control: “We have thought through everything that might reasonably happen and have planned how we can handle all likely contingencies. Everyone is

9

ready to help where necessary. We are very well placed to react flexibly and effectively to unusual events.”

• Worry about other people’s reaction: “I am well-prepared and am doing the best I can. Fair people will respect this. I will rise above any unfair criticism in a mature and professional way.”

This set of tools helps you to manage and counter the stress of negative thinking.

Unit-1Module I: KNOW YOUR SELF (PERSONALITY)

Prepared by: Dr.P.Swathi

When I talk to the students of high school or junior college or degree College or any other professional course, one question that I would ask is - Just think for a minute and tell me whom you like the best? We see an array of answers- some mention their parents, others their teachers, some others say they like their friends. National leaders, political leaders, cricket players, heroes are others favorites. To some, Scientists like Dr. Abdul Kalam are a source of inspiration. Once they give the names of the persons of their choice, I would ask-What are the reasons for your liking?They come out with various reasons and ultimately one factor that every one commonly mentions is they liked the person’s personality.

What is Personality?

Is it height or weight? Is it complexion? Is it a six pack body or zero size figure? Is it having a curly hair or long beautiful hair?

In one word are you referring to the physique or beauty of the person?

The term ‘personality’ does not confine only to the physique of the individual but it extends to the total behavior of the individual. It refers to how you think, learn, remember, feel and act in your daily life. It includes the temperament of the individual and how he/she adjusts to the life situations.

Each individual is unique. No two individuals behave alike in similar situations. One individual accepts the failure and considers it as a stepping stone while the other individual may think of ending his life. How a person reacts to the situation depends on his personality.

Components of personality

Personality has three components- Cognitive – How you attend, perceive, think, learn, remember, take decisions and

solve the problems. It includes all your abilities. Affective – It refers to your feelings, moods and emotions. Conative – It entails all your actions.

We see, admire and be inspired by great personalities like Swami Vivekananda, Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Subhash Chandra Bose, Abraham Lincoln and Abdul Kalam to name a few.

We can also reach the heights in life ladder if we can improve and develop our personality.

What is personality development?

Personality development is not an impossible task. It is merely in your hands. You can be the coach of your life. This is possible at any age and at any time. It is an on- going process.

You can understand your self and get more awareness about yourself through a simple technique called SWOT analysis.

Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities Threats

Personality development is a process of identifying and minimizing your weaknesses and maximizing your strengths.

Another technique to understand yourself and others is Johari window. It is developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham (the word “Johari” comes from Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham).

Two key ideas behind this tool are: Individuals can build trust between themselves by disclosing information about

themselves.

They can learn about themselves and come to terms with personal issues with the help of feedback from others.

Four regions of Johari Window:1. Open area /free area or 'the arena'2. Blind area / blind self, or 'blind spot'3. Hidden area or 'facade'4. Unknown area or unknown self

Open Area - This is the information about the person’s behavior, attitude, feelings, emotion, knowledge, experience, skills, views, etc - known by the person ('the self') and known by the group ('others').

Blind Area - This refers to what is known about a person by others in the group, but is unknown by the person him/herself. By seeking or soliciting feedback from others, the aim should be to reduce this area and thereby to increase the open area

Hidden Self- This refers to what is known to ourselves but kept hidden from, and therefore unknown, to others. The hidden area could also include sensitivities, fears, hidden agendas, manipulative intentions and secrets.

Unknown Self- This area refers to information, feelings, latent abilities, aptitudes, experiences etc, that are unknown to the person him/herself and unknown to others in the group.

Goal Setting

Goal setting is extremely important to success.

It is a formal process for personal planning.

Goals are dreams with a deadline and an action plan.

Our life is like a wheel with 6 spokes: Physical Social Emotional Financial Philosophical

Health

Abilities and competencies required to be successful in these areas have to be balanced.

Importance of goal setting

Goal setting acts as road map and helps us to decide what is possible in life.

To achieve our goals, they need to be set SMART Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Realistic

Time Bound

Why don’t people set goals?

Pessimistic Attitude

Fear of Failure

Lack of Ambition

Fear of Rejection

Procrastination

Low self –Esteem

Level of Aspiration

To be successful in achieving our goals, one needs to possess level of aspiration. Level of Aspiration refers to the will to succeed. It needs to be high but at the same time goals need to be set realistically. Based on the consequences (achieved results), our estimates or expectations about the outcome need to be altered.

Achievement is largely the product of steadily raising one's level of aspiration and expectation.

A successful individual sets his next goal not too much above his last achievement. This is how he steadily increases his level of aspiration.

Remember: There are no short cuts to achieve your goals.

Unit-1Module II: Development of Self

Prepared by: Prof.Varsha Sane Godbole

What is personality?

Your personality can limit or expand your life. Some people are warm,

pleasant to be around, sincere friends. Others are unpleasant, negative and difficult it

get along with. Difficult aspects of personality can be obstacles to success, or sources

of enthusiasm, creativity and achievements.

Webster’s unabridged dictionary (McKechnie, 1983) defines personality as,

“habitual patterns and qualities of behaviour of any individual as expressed by

physical and mental activities and attitudes; distinctive individual qualities of a

person, considered collectively.” More simply, your personality is your individual

pattern of thinking, feeling, and acting.

The basic self structure which one has developed is going to determine

whether you will be successful, happy and healthy. A healthy or adequate self

structure would ensure that you not only respect yourself and others but you are

confident, realistic and have clear goals for yourselves. On the other hand an

unhealthy and inadequate self structure would hinder in one’s reacting a goal as one

thinks one is not sure of reaching there or do not have the expertise, confidence. Let

us get to know about our ‘self structure’ upon becoming more affine.

Concept of Self:

The person’s image of himself as a self contains a physical self-image and

psychological self-image. The physical self-image contains the individual’s concepts

of his physical appearance and the importance of all parts of his body to his behaviour

and to the prestige they give in the eyes of others. The psychological self-image is

composed of traits that play a role of importance in his adjustments to life, such as

honesty, independence and helplessness (Anderson, 1952). The self-image or feeling

about self, is determined largely by the nature of the individual’s relations with others.

The self-image thus becomes a “mirror image” through which the individual’s

feelings about himself are influenced by the way important people in his life treat him

and how they feel about him (Anderson, 1950). The role of status the individual

occupies in a group or in society thus influences markedly the concept he holds of

himself as an individual (Blos, 1941).

Factor influencing self concept:

While concepts of self develop as a result of experiences inside the home and

outside, in school, on the playground, and in any social group with which the child

may be identified, the primary concepts, because they are developed first, are the most

important and most basic. Thus, it is apparent, the child’s home environment plays a

significant role in the development of his personality. In addition, the home

environment is important in maintaining ego strength. Any break in the family may

have serious effects on the child’s concept of self. Not the parents alone but every

member of the family group contributes to the child’s developing concept of self

(Josselyn, 1953). This is influenced more by the relationships the child has with his

parents and other family members, such as his identification with one family member

or parental expectations, than by the experiences he shares with them (Carter, 1954).

Statements made by his parents, their praise or blame, all contribute to the

development of a concept of self (Brown, 1954).

On this basic concept, the child develops further concepts of self related to this

basic concept when his environment broadens and he comes in contract with people

outside the home. How people outside the home treat him, what they say about him,

and what status he achieves in the group with which he is identified are all important

influences in strengthening the self concept learned in the home environment or in

modifying and changing it. As is true of the home environment, how people treat the

child outside the home, and what their attitudes toward him are, are more important

than the experiences he shares with them (Jersild, 1951, 1954; Brown, 1954; Carter,

1954). In fig.70 are shown the different social influences that effect the child’s

concept of self. By the time the child reaches adolescence, the self-image is

essentially completed though it may be revised later (Anderson, 1952).

Each year, as the child’s mental abilities increase, he should be able to appraise

himself, his abilities and his disabilities with greater accuracy. If this ability is

accompanied by self-acceptance, it will lead to good social adjustments on the child’s

part. The poorly adjusted child, by comparison, either overestimates himself and finds

in the group no opportunity for assuming the status he believes he deserves, or he

feels inadequate because of self-perceptions and rebels against accepting the concept

of himself which he realizes falls short of his ideal (Conklin, 1935; Tschechtelin,

1945; Rogers, 1947; Green, 1948; Jersild, 1954). The well-adjusted child is willing to

accept criticisms because he has greater confidence in himself than the poorly

adjusted child who avoids looking squarely at the fact that he is imperfect in this or

that respect as criticism implies (Taylor and Combs, 1952). Children whose self-

concepts are poor because of unfavorable treatment by others, as is true of Negro

children, find it difficult to accept these concepts and as a result, their self-adjustment

as well as their social adjustment suffers (Dai, 1945; Anderson, 1947; Trent, 1953).

The more realistically the child can see himself, the better he will be able to judge

other people accurately. The individual who shows empathy, or the ability to

transpose himself into the thinking, feeling and acting of another, has a level of

security which makes it possible for him to afford an interest in others. As a result of

this interest, he makes better social adjustments than does the individual who is self-

bound because of feelings of inadequacy and insecurity (Dymond, 1950). The attitude

one has toward others has been found to be closely related to the attitude one has

toward one’s self. Negative feelings toward self, resulting in poor self-acceptance,

will result in poor social adjustments. The more realistically the child can judge

himself. The more adjustments (Arsenian, 1941; Sheerer, 1949; Stock, 1949; Phillips,

1951a; McIntyre, 1952; Norman, 1953; Trent, 1953; Jersild, 1954).

Influence of self-concept:

Once established, the core of the self-concepts generally exhibits a high

degree of stability, as seen in the consistent ways we perceive ourselves over time

(Roberts & Donahue, 1994). Rather peripheral aspects of the self can, and often do,

change rather quickly. For example, the core of the self, which comprises those

aspects of ourselves we regard as very important to us, tends to perpetuate itself.

Essentially, the self-concept functions as a filter through which everything we see or

hear passes (Christensen, Wood, & Barrett, 2003). It thereby exerts a selective

influence on our experience, so that we typically tend to perceive, judge and act in

ways that are consistent with our self-concept.

A stable self-concept, which is dependent upon consistency of treatment in the

home and continuity between the home environment and the environments outside the

home (Dai, 1952), leads to far better adjustments than an unstable concept of self. The

individual with a stable self-concept has a higher level of self-esteem, has fewer

feelings of inferiority, is more popular with people outside the home, and shows less

evidence of compensatory behaviour of a defensive sort, such as shyness and

withdrawing, than does the individual with a less stable self-concept (Brownfain,

1952).

Development of self:

This idea one has about oneself (self concept) develops very easily in our life.

The later experiences on has revolves around the already developed ‘core’ of one’s

personality called as ‘self’. This concept of self one has plays the most crucial role in

shopping our personality and a whole lot depends on not how others view us but how

we view ourselves. Nothing in the world can affect us except what we think about

ourselves. So it is very important that parents take care to help their child develop a

healthy concept of self as this can exert an a tremendous influence on future success

and happiness in later life. Each person view the world, other people and various

situations from his / her point of view. What he sees and experiences is the only

‘truth’ for him. As a result, different people in one situation do get an entirely

different view of the ‘same’ situation and one’s reality can never be ‘others’ reality.

This ‘personal reality’ shapes and colours our experiences in a unique way. The

totally of all the person of experiences forms the ‘core’ of our personality called

‘self’. The world self stands fro ‘me’ ‘I’ and mine and embodies whatever ideas,

thoughts, feeling one has towards oneself. Let us examine the developmental journey

of this ‘self identity’.

The development of self (core of our separate identity) starts when we become

aware of our separate existence from others. It is said that by 2 years. A child can

distinctly recognize himself, herself in mirror as ‘himself’ and not as ‘something’ else

as he usually does it at an earlier stage of life.

The most natural state of human being in when he is a small baby, laughing

playing with himself, exploring himself. The earliest concept a baby has in his ‘bodily

self’ i.e. the baby becomes aware of this body as ‘his’ and no distinct is made whether

it is a four or a dark body. The baby is absolutely comfortable with his self – just

being and accepting what he is and in an utter state of happiness, bliss and

contentment. At this stage other’s approval or disapproval does not matter. So the first

knowledge which one get from this is “being comfortable and accepting oneself – as

one is”.

The journey of exploring the world of ‘self’ starts with ‘self acceptance’ and

‘self love’. From the concept of bodily self, the child further develops concept about

his / her abilities, looks, capabilities limitations, aspirations etc. all of us are born into

a family. From the day one, the child is the centre of attention. Late the child

deliberately seeks the attention to get noticed, loved and recognized. Parents and other

significant members (siblings, grand parent, close family friends) unintentionally

either by words and facial expressions and body language send the ‘message’ of

approval or disapproval of certain behaviours. Child, although very small to

understand by facial expression and tone of voice their approval – disapproval and

their by the child’s acceptance and rejection.

Later when the language develop, parents and others give the child feed back

by approving or disapproving child behaviour. The approval behaviours of the child

form ‘I am’ as it leads to acceptance of the child and the disapproved behaviours for ‘I

am not ….’ As it leads withdrawing of love or rejection of the child by parents. Facial

and verbal expressions by others further confirms this approval and disapproval. The

child then consolidates these approved and disapproved messages as ‘good me’ and

‘bad me’ respectively. As the child is totally dependent on parents and also has no

other frame of reference’ is available to check (papa says but grandpa says),the words

of parents, are imbibed in the child’s ‘psyche’ and becomes his ‘core’ concept of him/

herself – whether positive or negative.

Types of self:

Before the other dimension of self concept, let us first check if there is only

one self or there are many. It is said by a great scientist that when two people meet

and interact it is actually the interaction among six people wherein both partners at

least take ‘3 self’ roles to their interaction – self as one is, self as one wants or self

image, to be and self as others want to see (ideal self) (social self).

Self image – is the totality of how one sees oneself. It consists of highly

personal, private aspects of one’s life and only we are the judge or expert to evaluate

ourself. This self image is made up of many ‘self perceptions of self experiences’

acquired in the formative years. While growing, the message from significant others

about what they self, expert, think, feel about us is internalized into a ‘core of our self

image. As it is formed very early in one’s life it is very difficult to change.

Ex: A child who is total repeated by that she has killed her mother because

after her birth the passes away, would a self image of a bad, guilty child.

Although in the later experiences and interactions with friends, teachers help

us to revise this basic ‘core’ it exerts a strong and unconscious effect about what we

think we are.

Ideal self – is a self one ‘dreams’ about oneself. It includes aspirations, ideals,

morals, values. We are not fully aware of our ideal self. It is again acquired by

identifying with parental demands and prohibitions during formative years, the

demands which consists of should and should not of certain behaviour.

Ex: Parents may tell a child you should get first rank then only will be proud

of you if or else…

The message given is very clear you accept and proud of you ‘only’ if get 1st

rank many a time these should and should not does not allow a child to grow. As we

grow and mature, these should and should not messages help us set our personal goals

and values so ‘ideal self’ can be a source motivation and incentive for us to do our

best.

Social self – we do not live in isolation, and at a particular point we are the

members of difficult groups and each group live in isolation, and out a particular point

we all the members of different groups and each group has its own demands about

behaviours, responsibility, and role plays. If when we behave according to these

expected role. Society approves, accepts and recognize us and we feel loved, wanted.

Ex: An older sister in the absence of her mother takes care of her younger sister and

later is praised by doing so. So we behave different in differed social groups

depending on what role we are playing in that group – are we the leader or follower

etc.

So the self concept which are talking about as our idea of ourself includes all

these three selves – self image, ideal and social as well as our self esteem, acceptance

and confidence. Our ‘concept’ of ourself then is the overall combinations of all those

perceptions, feelings, beliefs and values associated with ‘I’ ‘me’ and mine. It gives us

our ‘personal identity’ or sense of ‘what we are’. Let us see how it influences guide

and us in our later life.

Components of self concept:

Self-Esteem:

One of the most important aspects of the self-concept is our self-esteem- the

personal evaluation of ourselves and the resulting feelings of worth associated with

our self-concept. Self-esteem is affected by a variety of influences, ranging from

formative childhood experiences in relation to our parents to our own standard (or

ideal self) to our general culture (Miller, 1999). For instance, individuals with high

self-esteem generally were brought up by parents who were very accepting of them,

expressed a lot of affection, and established firm but reasonable rules – all of which

foster a positive self-image. Individuals with low self-esteem usually were brought up

by parents who relied on parenting styles that were overly strict, overly permissive, or

inconsistence.

Our self-esteem is also influenced by success and failure (Brown & Gallagher,

1992). Psychologists once thought that a backlog of stored success enhances self-

esteem, and repeated failure undermines it. For example, it was once thought that

praising children for their success or achievements would make children think they

were intelligent and thus give them more confidence. However, recent and important

research has demonstrated this is not quite true. Praising children for their efforts

rather than for their intelligence results in children’s desire for more challenges.

Children obsessed with their own intelligence are afraid to take risks and may trigger

maladaptive achievement patterns (Dweck, 1999).

Self-esteem exerts a powerful influence on people’s expectations, their

judgments about themselves and others, and their behaviour. People with high self-

esteem are willing to test the validity of their inferences about themselves. Having a

high level of self-acceptance (affirmation of one’s overall worth), they tend to be

accepting of others, including those with different opinions than themselves, and

usually enjoy satisfying relationships with other people. They also expect to do well

in their accomplishments, try hard, and tend to be successful in their careers. They are

inclined to attribute their success to their abilities and to make due allowance for

circumstances in interpreting their failures. As a result, people with high self-esteem

generally enjoy a great deal of self-confidence and often have a realistic assessment of

their strengths and weaknesses. In contrast, people with low self-esteem are generally

less willing to put their ideas about themselves to the test and are never really

convinced of their own self-worth. Further-more, they tend to expect the worst, exert

less effort on tasks – especially challenging, demanding ones (Sommer & Baumeister,

2002) – and achieve less success in their careers. Having low self-esteem, they are

inclined to be overly sensitive about social rejection. Often cutting others down to size

by constant criticism and thereby alienating them. In turn, the preoccupation with

rejection, imagined or real, further lowers their self-esteem, setting the stage to

change simply because individuals characterized by low self-esteem may be resistant

to change simply because individuals characterized by low esteem are unlikely to

accept positive feedback about themselves (Josephs, Bosson, & Jacobs, 2003).

Fortunately, self-esteem is not something you’re born with or without. Rather,

it is largely an acquired trait that you can improve, no matter how little you have to

start with. Because self-esteem resides largely within yourself, ultimately you have

the power to change it. however, one of the paradoxes of personal change is that only

as you come to see and accept yourself as you are, warts and all, can you genuinely

begin to grow. Then, too, be certain that your standards and expectations – your ideal

self-against which you measure yourself are reasonable. Perfectionistic individuals

who judge themselves by unrealistic standards constantly undermine their own self-

esteem. Finally, although other people’s reactions may influence your self-esteem

through feedback and social comparison, you are the final authority on your own self-

worth. As Seneca, the ancient philosopher, said, “What you think of yourself is much

more important than what others think of you.”

Self-consistency:

This characteristic tendency toward self-clarity (Bigler, Neimeyer, & Brown,

2001) or self-consistency (our tendency to perceive our experiences in a manner

consistent with self-concept) is best understood in relation to Carl Rogers’s (1980)

view of the phenomenal self depicted in Figure 4.1. The circle on the right represents

the total experience of an individual, including sensory and bodily experience. The

circle on the left represents the self-concept, which has been acquired through

interaction with significant others mainly parents, throughout the formative years of

development. It is fully available to awareness. These two circles, representing the

typical or “normal” person, do not fully coincide because the self-concept develops in

response to what Rogers calls conditions of worth. That is, instead of growing up in

an atmosphere of unconditioned acceptance, most of us feel we are loved and

accepted only if we meet certain expectations and approvals. Whatever is acceptable

to our parents and other significant persons in our lives becomes incorporated into our

self-concept. In turn, our self-concept functions as a filter through which everything

we see or hear passes.

Experiences that are consistent with both our sensory reactions (circle B) and

our self-concept (circle A) tend to be labeled or “symbolized” accurately and admitted

fully into our conscious awareness. These self-perceptions make up the core of our

self-concept and are visualized by the shaded area, where the two circles overlap in

Figure 4.1. Experiences that are not consistent with both our sensory experience and

our self-concept are perceived more selectivity. Such experiences are either distorted

or kept from awareness.

Experiences that are not consistent with our learned self-concept might be

perceived as too threatening and therefore might not even be recognized as self-

experiences. Consequently, they may not be accurately perceived or labeled or may be

kept from awareness, either in part or in whole. Here, denial is roughly comparable to

the concept of repression in Freudian terms and refers to an unconscious exclusion of

experience because of the threat associated with it. Such experiences are visualized in

the diagram by the area in circle B outside the shaded area.

Self acceptance:

Self acceptance “Acceptance of oneself unconditionally and being comfortable

with it”. Self love is very natural to everyone. Observe a new born baby. This is a

stage of natural of self acceptance. Self acceptance starts when ‘significant’ others

starts commenting about what

You can or cannot do.

What is not good in you.

You get caught in conditions of worth as you do not ‘other’ reference points

to check.

Self confidence:

Self confidence is an important dimension of ‘self concept’ and seemed to convey the

following qualities – confident, valuable, stable, satisfied, smart, active, popular etc.

Self confidence – not boldness, arrogance but belief in your capacities and a belief

that you don’t have to prove to anybody.

Self-Enhancement and Self-verification:

We receive a great deal of information about how people see us through our

interactions with them (Leary, 1999). According to self-enhancement theory, people

will try to get positive feedback that affirms their own ideas about their positive

qualities. Most people prefer and seek out positive feedback about themselves, but

mostly for those attributes that they themselves view as positive because positive self-

views are generally adaptive (Taylor & Brown, 1994). Along the same line of

thinking, people’s autobiographical memory induces them to perceive themselves as

better and better over time (Ross & Wilson, 2003).

In contrast, in accordance with self-verification theory, people want to

preserve their own images (both positive and negative) of themselves and therefore

elicit feedback that verifies or confirms their own self-perceptions. Thus, self-

verification is important to us, in that it gives us a sense of stability in an

unpredictable world. Also, such confirmation is vital to social interaction because if

others see us as we see ourselves, they will have a better idea of how to treat us, what

to experts of us, and so forth. In sum, people generally prefer to hear opinions that are

positive but also supportive of their own views of themselves.

Self direction:

Much of the change in our self-concept occurs with maturity, or the mellowing

that comes with age and experience. But a great deal of change in our self-image

comes from adapting to different people and situations. Different jobs, new friends

and a change in responsibilities, like marriage and parenting, all affect the way we see

ourselves. Although we retain a stable core of self, the many self-perceptions that

make up our overall self-concept are in a state of flux or change and are more readily

influenced by current experience than previously thought. Our self-concepts continue

to change as a result of our personal aspirations, changing roles and behaviours,

criticism from others, and greater self-direction.

The way we see ourselves is also vitally affected by the way we behave in different

roles and situations. Often, the way we see ourselves leads us to act in a given

manner. But equally often, as Carol Tavris (1987) reminded us, we act in a certain

way as others see us. As a result, countless qualities – obedience, assertiveness,

comprehensiveness, compassion, ambition, self-worth, and happiness – change

remarkably with a change in our circumstances.

Self talk:

Each one passes through various experiences – both good and bad. Based on

these experience we form the image about the world, others and about self. It impact –

emotional significance of these experience. Further – regardless of reason, your

thoughts and feeling invariably go in the same direction, which you think cannot

control.

Why – go back to you childhood experiences, over a period of time, these

reactions become automatic, like a stuck up record.

Effect of self talk:

You stop thinking about other alternative. You ignore the contribution of other

significant factors to your success or failure. Overgeneralization leads to faulty

assumption about self capacity and it is very natural can happens to all of us.

The healthier self structure can be developed by deliberately giving positive

self affirming statement and thus enhancing once self worth and self confidence.

Self Test:

1. Which of the following includes all those perceptions of “I” and “me”,

together with the feelings, beliefs, and values associated with them?

a. Superego b. Self-concept c. ideal self d. body image

2. The self-image is the

a. Self I’d like to be b. Self as I think others see me

c. Self I see myself to be d. image I have of my body

3. Our ideal self should be

a. modified when unduly high b. unattainable in principle

c. the same as our self-image d. never compromised

4. Experiences that are consistent with our self-concept but are not confirmed by

our “gut” reactions are

a. admitted fully into our awareness b. accurately perceived and labeled

c. creativity altered d. perceived in a distorted manner

5. Compared with people high in self-esteem, those with low self-esteem

a. are more accepting others b. report higher levels of happiness

c. exert less effort on hard tasks d. report lower levels of anxiety

6. According to self-enhancement theory, we welcome positive feedback about

a. all our qualities b. our positive qualities c. our negative qualities d. anything

7. Who typically has low self-esteem?

a. women compared to men

b. minorities compared to the white authority

c. children with parents who consistently criticize

d. all of the above

8. Our social selves refer to

a. how we perceive other people b. the way we think others see us

c. how well we get along with others d. the way others see us

9. The most helpful way of handling personal criticism is to regard it as

something that

a. needs immediate action b. reflects others’ faults

c. necessarily self-defense d. may require action

10. During the later stages of personal growth and therapy, people have a

heightened sense of

a. self-direction b. fixed personal goals c. self-criticalness d. future

orientation

Questions for self-reflection:

1. How would you describe your self-image?

2. Which aspects of your self-concept would you like to change?

3. Do you basically like yourself?

4. Are you more self-confident in some situations than in others?

5. Are you aware of how others see you?3

6. When you’ve accepted something within yourself, are you more accepting of

it in others?

7. How well do you take personal criticism?

8. What do you say when complimented by others?

9. Are you aware that self-actualisation is a direction rather than a destination?

10. Do you tend to trust your own experiences?

Self-Affirming Activities:

Instructions: Do one or more of the following activities. When you have a low

point in your self-image, pull out the activity and your answers and reread them.

Name five of your strengths

List five things you admire about yourself.

What are your five greatest achievements in life so far?

Describe five ways you can reward yourself for accomplishment.

Explain five ways you can make yourself laugh.

What are five things you can do for someone else to make them feel good?

List five things you do to treat yourself well.

What five activities have you recently engaged in that gave you joy?

High and Low self-esteem_____________________________________________________________________Signs of high self-esteem signs of how self-esteemDo you….. or, do you …..

Like your appearance when you see avoid viewing yourself in the mirror?yourself in the mirror?

Feel comfortable with yourself Feel discontented with yourself most most of the time? of the time?

Savor your accomplishments? Brag excessively or apologize about your achievements?

Regard your failures as opportunities Make excuses for your failures?to learn?

Express your opinions readily? Withhold your views, especially if asked?

Listen to what others say, even if Try to convince others of your you disagree? views?

Accept compliments graciously? Reject compliments or qualify them?

Give credit to others when its due? Envy others and put them down by sarcasm or gossip?

Make realistic demands on yourself? Expect too much or too little of yourself?

Give and receive affection generously? Withhold your affection out of fear of being hurt?

1

Unit-1Module III: MOTIVATION

Prepared by: Dr. Renuka Regani

People usually think that motivation is a personal trait and only some people

have it. People who do not have motivation are considered lazy and incompetent. But

according to social scientist this is not true. They say that motivation is an interaction

of the individual with the environment. As such individuals differ in their basic

motivational drive. Levels of motivation vary both in between people and also within

a person at different times (for e.g. to pass an examination, one must work hard, but

the effort each student puts in differ from one and another. Again the student who is

studying for the examination may not put in the same effort continuously. He / she

will study studiously for some time and at other times may watch a movie or go out

with friends). Thus the level of motivation is not consistent all the time.

The process of motivation: Any organism which has life has motivation: what do

you do when you are hungry or thirsty, when you feel cold or hot, when you run

temperature, or have a headache or stomachache?

You immediate take some action to set you state or condition right. You eat

food, drink water, wear a sweater, switch on the fan or AC, go to the doctor for

treatment. All these attempts are called ‘drives’ to remove you discomfort and bring

back the balance of your body to the state of ‘Homeostasis’.

Thus psychologists describe all such wants, wishes, needs, desires, drives and

interests as ‘motives’, the aroused state as ‘drive’ and an attempt to set it right as ‘goal

or incentive’. Thus the process of motivation is ‘need–drive–incentive’. Leads to

balance or homeostasis. Once the goal is attained, a new need may arise and you may

again go through the process of attaining that new goal.

Thus for psychologists motives are:

1. What activates and arouses the organism.

2. What directs the organism’s behaviour toward attainment of some goal.

For e.g. Hunger motive not only arouses you and gets you going, but it also

directs you toward a particular goal. An organism responding to such a motive is said

to be motivated. The stronger our motivation, the more likely we are to act. Any

normal animal or human being would engage in this behaviour when a need or

discomfort arises. In case the organism is not acting upon this, then either the animal

2

or human being is sick, hurt and disabled or has some abnormality like being mentally

ill or retarded.

Let us examine each of the concept of the process of motivation.

Need: it is an internal state within an individual which is caused by a deprivation of

such essentials as food, water, air etc. This need must be satisfied in order for the

individual to survive. Here the individual is motivated to make an adequate

adjustment with the environment by fulfilling the basic needs.

Drives: This is also called as motive which is set up to alleviate (remove, reduce) the

need. This is action oriented and attempts at reaching the goal or obtaining the

incentive.

Goal / incentives: It is that need or wish which has created disturbances in your

organism and propels you toward action. The fulfillment of the need or attainment of

the goal is obtaining the incentive or reward. (carrying forward the same example). If

your have an intense need to secure highest marks (need) you attempt at studying hard

by putting in all the efforts (drive) and when you obtain the marks you have aimed

for, you or happy or satisfied (incentive / goal).

Turning our attention to needs, there are different types of needs or motives

1. Physiological needs / motives

2. Psychological needs / motive

3. General needs / motives

Physiological needs are purely innate, unlearnt, and tissue based and therefore we

call them as basic needs, biogenic needs, primary needs or physiological needs (e.g.

hunger, thirst, air, love etc.). They are common to all (both animals and human

beings) and are thus universal. It is essential that these needs be fulfilled, otherwise

the survival of the organism is at stake.

All animals and human beings attend to these needs, the moment they get

aroused (like drinking water when you are thirsty, eating food when you are hungry),

otherwise, it creates a turmoil in the body and reduces the effective functioning of the

organisms (e.g. Blood sugar etc)

Psychological needs: These are not innate but learnt or acquired. We call them

acquired needs, psychogenic needs, socio-genic needs, secondary needs or

psychological needs (e.g. needs for power, need for achievement, need for affiliation,

need for security, need for status). These needs are individual based and unique. The

3

unfulfillment of these needs may not lead to death, but can play havoc in an

individual’s life and can end up making one a maladjusted person. Therefore it is

important that optimum adjustment should be made by the organism.

Explanation of the secondary needs / motives:

Power motive: This is a need to manipulate others. There is a high need to

dominate others.

Achievement motive: It is the degree to which a person wishes to accomplish

challenging goals, succeed in competitive situations and exhibit desire for

unambiguous feedback regarding their performance.

Affiliation motive: It is the degree to which people seek approval from others,

confirm to others wishes and avoid conflicts or confrontation with others. They

want to be socially acceptable

Security motive: This is an intense motive to protect themselves from any

contingencies of life and actively try to avoid situations which lead to any

eventualities by securing their future, in terms of savings and insurance.

Status motive: A need to show off one’s status or position through

materialistic symbols like car, house, good dressing, the institution in which

they work.

In between these two needs are the most important needs or motives called the

“general motives”. To be included in the general category, a motive must be

unlearned but not physiologically based. These are curiosity, manipulation and

activity motives and affection motive.

The “curiosity, manipulation and activity motives”: Any organism cannot

maintain a status quo for a longtime, there is an unlearned drive to explore,

manipulate with objects or just be active. These needs are actually very beneficial and

are very important for our growth. If they are stifled or inhibited the society would not

have grown to today’s status and will also not grow any further in the future. These

motives are very important for developing creativity and making new inventions and

discoveries.

“Affection motive”: Love, affiliation and affection are the needs which are discussed

under all the three types of motives (physiological, psychological and general

motives). This is an important need for every organism. When a person feels loved, is

4

belonging to some group or family and when treated with affection, he / she enjoy

good mental health and adjusts well. If people are not shown love and affection or

outcasted, there are two typical reactions to it.

1. They go into isolation and feel lonely and depressed.

2. They develop vengeance and display antisocial behaviour to seek the needed

attention.

Therefore, people should be treated with love, affection and respect if you

want them to perform any activity and have good mental health

The important aspect to be noted here is that these needs are not innate and

tissue based, where the primary needs seek to reduce the tension or stimulation, these

general needs induce the organism to increase the amount of stimulation. Thus these

needs are also called a “stimulus motives”.

The understanding of these general motives is more relevant to the study of

human behaviour.

Sources of motivation:

Intrinsic vs extrinsic motives:

Generally we consider motivation to take place only because of the aroused

need. But it is not so. There are certain orientations of the people which enhance the

motive to attain the needed level. There are called the “intrinsic motives” and the

“extrinsic motives”. These are the two sources of the drive which pushes the

individuals into the right direction.

“Extrinsic motive”: When an individual performs an activity and wants others to

known about it, i.e. he wants people’s recognition for it, it is called as extrinsic

motivation. A person gets satisfaction only when others praise him / her. He does an

activity so that he can avoid punishment and not because he wants to do it for himself.

These people need some one to motivate them all the time. Like dangling a carrot in

front of the donkey: to push / goad them towards the completion of the task. The

performance is contingent upon the reward. It means they are externally motivated.

“Intrinsic motivation”: Intrinsic motives are internally generated. The person who is

intrinsically driven does not bother about achieving some external incentive but

performs for his own satisfaction or enjoyment. Intrinsic rewards include the feeling

of responsibility, achievement, accomplishment. They derive great satisfaction from

5

performing some meaningful task. For e.g. A person who is studying for an

examination, by putting great efforts for marks is extrinsically motivated and a person

who studies to gain knowledge is intrinsically motivated.

A person who is externally motivated gets irritated or disturbed easily because

his / her goal is outside him / her and chances are that he / she may have difficulty in

achieving it. Therefore they feel it is a burdensome activity and feel the load of it, and

always assess the worth of the reward and exert effort accordingly.

However a person who is intrinsically motivated does not get deterred from

his/ her work inspite of having trouble pursuing the goal. No amount of disturbance

will irritate them. There is more commitment and involvement with the goal and

he/she enjoys achieving it facing all odds. Every adverse condition is taken as a

challenge and they do not blame the external conditions when they fail to achieve

their goal.

Achievement motivation:

Earlier we have seen what is need for achievement. We said it is the degree to

which a person wishes to accomplish a task. There are specific characteristics of

people with high achievement

a. Moderate risk taking: They do not indulge in high risk or low risk

activities. They usually take risks that are challenging enough.

b. Need for immediate feedback: These people want immediate and precise

feedback on their work so that they can take remedial steps when something

did not work well.

c. Satisfaction with accomplishment: They are more satisfied by

accomplishing the task rather than gaining some materialistic reward. i.e.

they are intrinsically motivated.

d. Preoccupation with the task: they do not like to leave the job unfinished

and are totally preoccupied with the task until they successfully complete it.

However, to achieve success and enjoy it, is not possible by all. Society has, to

a large extent, treated successful people with contempt and resentment. There are

certain psychological reasons for this. Yes, we have seen people achieving great

heights but they may be strangers to us. When people who are close to us are

achieving, we sometimes are not so happy. These feelings get transmitted somehow to

high achievers and they develop certain fears to succeed or achieve and therefore may

6

not put in the highest possible effort for fear of being disliked or distanced from their

close ones. These are called Barriers of achievement motivation. The two important

barriers are “fear of success” and “fear of failure”.

Barriers of Achievement Motivation

Fear of Success: People are afraid of succeeding at a task. They want to “succeed”

but also want “not to succeed”

o They have a marked fear of failure

o Prefer to retreat from competitive situations

o Don’t take risks involved in trying to improve their career prospects.

However

o Success-fearing individuals welcome success oriented activities

o Many of them are exceedingly ambitious

o They want to be recognized for their achievement

But

o As soon as they make any significant progress towards a desired objective,

they feel a compulsion to check themselves and to find ways to sabotage

success.

Let us see how it develops: Dynamics of fear of success

o Success-fearing people internalize society’s mixed-up attitudes toward

success early in life.

On the one hand:

o Successful people are admired for their competence, talent, courage,

enterprise and other positive attributes

(And)

o People who have failed are viewed with contempt and pity because it is

thought people who fail are incompetent or lazy.

On the other hand:

o Culture tells us that when we succeed we should be modest, unselfish and

giving.

o Success is associated with greed and is considered as immoral. Society

looks cynically at people who have succeeded and sneers at them. As a

result anxiety develops in people who are being successful and prefer not

to succeed.

7

Childhood impact:

o Parents and older siblings are the main sources sometimes to ingrain these

fears into the minds of the child.

o The home atmosphere is another feature

o The homes of success fearing people have;

o High standards of success

o Encourage and value competition

At the same time

They discourage and punish if they are too competitive or show overt pleasure

in winning something

So, the parents have given confusing signals to the child.

They are also very interfering and controlling in their interaction with their

children.

Thus, consciously they are anxious to succeed but subconsciously they have

fears and inhibitions about succeeding in any activity they are embarking upon.

Secondly: Fear of success persists in their adult lives because of their suppressed

childhood experiences and continue and maintain their emotional fear of success.

Thirdly: These people use a variety of defense mechanisms and rationalizations to

protect themselves from the anxiety which has been created in them, both by their

self-enhancing drives and later self-defeating maneuveors.

Fear of failure:

These are another category of people. They do not give themselves the full

permission to succeed.

They hold back their full potential as they do not have faith in their ability to

succeed.

People with fear of failure, tend to set for themselves, either “too easy to reach

goals”, “modest goals” or “very difficult goals”.

o Some people have a high sense of “self-aggrandizing image” and hide

their high sense of inadequacy behind it and potray a high level of self

confidence.

8

o They pursue their goals in fits and starts and when they realize that it is

impossible to attain them, they leave them and start using self-protective

armours of grandiose.

Characteristics of people who fear failure:

Withdrawal:

Failure fearing people, withdraw from competition and risk-taking.

o They generally look for safe niches and innocuous easy task that pose

little or no threat of failure.

o They avoid risk of failure, because it would expose their inadequacies.

o They remain modest and inconspicuous and do not like to be humiliated

or disliked.

o They have low levels of aspirations.

o They are indolent and passive.

o As they avoid risks and responsibilities, they suffer great personal

impoverishment and there is total negation of their full potential.

o They end up falling prey to depressive moods and deep feelings of

helplessness.

Unrealistic:

o Some people may not have any self doubts or thought of failure but tend

to be somewhat unrealistic in estimating they own capacity or challenges

they may face. These people usually overestimate the difficulties and

underestimates their own capabilities.

Thus they show only half hearted efforts. This underestimates of one’s

potential is due to excessive caution people show when one has to give

total commitment to the goal. To be cautious is not wrong but should not

be overused.

o They have a possibility of strengthening negative projections and can

showball into a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

Risk taking: When we want to take a risk, it is inevitable that there are many chances

of failures, mistakes and set backs. What counts finally is our emotional willingness

to risk and accept failure.

9

When we have the courage to risk personal rejection, wasted effort and even

psychological defeat (suppose our efforts fail), we have liberated ourselves from the

fear of failure.

In this bargain we discover capacities we did not know existed within us. Then

we can do our best and achieve the goals we have set for ourselves.

Perfectionism:

This is another serious barrier to attain success.

Perfectionists set exceedingly high standards and overambitious goals.

Actually perfectionists pursuit for excellence is unhealthy because:

o Their standards are unrealistic and not reachable.

o They are driven and compulsive and are always pursuing and reaching for

impossible goals.

o They do not enjoy any of their achievements.

o Every goal they achieve falls short of what was in their minds eye and

they feel disappointed.

Black and White:

The reason behind why perfectionists experience more punishment than

reward is because they habitually think in all or none principle i.e. even a small

mistake or lapse is not forgiven.

o They self worth depends purely on their ability to achieve what they have

set out for. If not achieved they experiences high level of unworthiness.

o They suffer from low self esteem, anxiety and depressive moods.

o As a result of this their productivity is either inhibited or only

intermittent.

o These mood disorders and self doubts have adverse affects on their self

control and interpersonal relationships.

Characteristics of Perfectionists:

Type ‘A’ Person: Perfectionists have Type ‘A’ personality traits like o Being highly competitive, excessively achievement oriented, impatient,

easily frustrated and angered, time-pressurized and preoccupied with

deadlines.

10

o They are very lonely people and highly sensitive to criticism and

anticipate rejection and humiliation and therefore withdraw from others.

Further more, perfectionists not only set unrealistic standards for themselves,

but also expect such kind of performance from others around them. They are very

critical of every thing and everybody.

Overgeneralization: This is another noteworthy characteristics of perfectionist. An

isolated negative experience of failure is generalized to other activities and even if

they make minor mistakes they do not forgive themselves. As a result they put off

tasks due to anticipatory anxiety and stress and end up doing very little.

Peer comparison: Besides not doing much for themselves, they compare whatever

accomplishments they have to what their colleagues have achieved. They usually feel

that their colleagues are better than them, they do not make mistakes and expend very

little effort to achieve the success. This is a self defeating attitude and habit of

thinking.

“How can you change them”

Psychotherapy: To bring about a change in the habit of thinking of a perfectionist,

psychiatrists have put their emphasis on changing the cognitive structure of the

perfectionist. The first step is: To make a list of the advantage of attempting to be

perfect.

Maximizing Resources: Successful people know that perfection can never be

attained. It is important to recognize ones talents and resources. One should become

competent and do their best. They should not worry about perfection or failure at each

step of the project completion. There should be complete freedom from anxiety and

guilt over not attaining high standards of performance and excellence.

There are many gradations of excellence and success. Just by aiming and

doing things, well, instead of perfectly one can move into the comforting zone of

realistic self perception of what one can actually achieve in one’s chosen profession.

Unit-1MODULE IV: UNDERSTANDING AND MANAGING EMOTIONS

Prepared by: Dr.K.P.Suman

Emotions not only give color but also meaning to our lives and experiences. Our crimes and even inhuman acts are all because of emotions. These play a very important role in human behavior and life. Infact, even moral behavior is based on emotion to some extent (Daniel Goleman 1995).

The emotion is defined as ‘a strong mental or instinctive feeling such as love or fear’ (Oxford English Dictionary, 1996) involving many bodily processes, and mental states. An emotion combines cognition, bodily arousal and behavior in a ready-made formula for responding in line with the way the situation has been interpreted. There is huge difference in the ways of feeling emotions by human beings and animals although both of them experience anger, fear, sadness, and joy.

Emotion can be defined as the “feeling” aspect of consciousness, characterized by certain physical arousal, a certain physical arousal, a certain behavior that reveals the feeling to the outside world, and an inner awareness of feelings. Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, personality and disposition and motivation. The English word 'emotion' is derived from the French word émouvoir. This is based on the Latin emovere, where e- (variant of ex-) means 'out' and movere means 'move’. The related term "motivation" is also derived from movere. No aspect of our mental life is more important to the quality and meaning of our existence than emotions. They are what make life worth living, or sometimes ending. So it is not surprising that most of the great classical philosophers—Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza, Descartes, Hobbes, Hume—had recognizable theories of emotion, conceived as responses to certain sorts of events of concern to a subject, triggering bodily changes and typically motivating characteristic behavior.

Components of emotions:

Most psychologists would agree that an emotion is a complex pattern of changes that include physiological arousal, subjective feelings, cognitive processes and behavioural reactions- all in response to a situation we perceive to be personally significant.

Accordingly, an emotion has four components:

1. Physiological arousal: Emotions involve the brain, nervous system and harmones, so that when you’re emotionally aroused the harmone secretion is more to give us instant energy. Each emotion has a specific characteristic of physiological aspects. For example:

When angry – the blood rushes to our hands in order to fight.

When afraid – the blood rushes to our skeletal system and leg to facilitate the fight or flight responses.

2. Subjective feelings: Emotions also include subjective awareness, or ‘feeling’ that involves elements of pleasure, liking or disliking. Thus, in studying emotion or knowing another person’s feelings, we must rely heavily on that person’s own self reports.

3. Cognitive processes: Emotions also involve cognitive processes such as memorial, perceptions, expectations and interpretations. Our appraisal of an event plays an especially significant role in the meaning it has for us.

4. Behavioral reactions: Emotions also involve behavioral reactions, both expressive and instrumental. Facial expressions – smiles and frowns, as well as gestures and Lories of voice, all serve to communicate our feelings that may enhance our chances for survival.

The various theories of emotion differ mostly is regard to which of these various components is given priority. In much the same way, authorities differ about how emotions are activated or triggered.

The various components of emotion can be illustrated with a famous illustration from William James (1884) paper, ‘What is an emotion?’ James cited the example of encountering a bear. “Imagine you are walking casually through the woods enjoying the sights and sounds of nature. Suddenly, there is a roaring sound, a crashing of undergrowth and a bear emerges into the clearing immediately in front of you. You immediately come to a halt, your heart is pounding, your mouth is dry, your muscles tense and you feel intensely afraid. You remember that it’s important, when confronted by bears, to stand your ground and so you stand your ground and so you stay very still despite your fear. Eventually, after an impressive paw-waving show of aggression, the bear wanders off and you are safe.

In this example, the emotion is one of the intense fear or terror- when you encounter the bear in the woods. The fear goes hand –in-hand with marked physiological changes; for example, the dryness in the mouth, the tension in the muscles, the racing heart and so on. The fear is also characterized by a readiness to run or to fight – the ‘Fight or Flight’ syndrome. This is the functionality of fear in this instance. However, although there is action readiness, you don’t actually follow that through to the level of behaviour; instead, you stand your ground. Another part of the fear is the cognitive aspect where you actually feel extremely afraid because the bear has been understood at some level to be threatening to your current concerns such as personal survival.

Emotional awareness:

Emotional awareness is one of the major element which plays a key role in facilitating to have a emotionally balanced life. It means knowing when ones feelings are present in ourselves and others. The more an individual knows about what emotions are? How they occur and what

happens during emotions, certainly enables to bring awareness in an individual. As it is most commonly said that when an individual has an awareness on a particular thing then it becomes more easy to take care and handle that thing. It is exactly the same even in case of emotions. when there is emotional awareness then it is very easy for a person to know what he is feeling and deal with it appropriately rather than becoming victims of emotions.

For example, suppose if my parents or friends humiliate me in front of others I might feel insulted, ashamed and also get angry for what had happened. If I am not knowing how I am feeling or just not concentrate on that rather trying to forget the unpleasant memory I may take drugs or alcohol and just fall a prey. But if there is emotional awareness in me then I may rather think of helping myself from that unpleasantness which I experience because of that situation.

Emotional expression and regulation:

This is one of the major component in the process of managing emotions by competent people. It’s a very common saying that neither excess eating of food is good for health nor less eating is good as both of these causes physiological health problems. It’s the same case even with emotions. either over expression or inadequate expression of emotions both creates imbalances psychologically rooting to mental health problems. This is further explained in the topic emotional competency.

Emotional competency:

Emotional Competency is “A learned capability based on emotional intelligence that results in outstanding performance at work (Cary & Goleman, 2005 ). Emotional Competencies are job skills that can, and indeed must be learned. An underlying Emotional Intelligence is necessary, though not sufficient, to manifest competency in any one of the four Emotional Intelligence domains, or clusters. Although our emotional intelligence determines our potential for learning the practical skills that underlie the four Emotional Intelligence clusters, our emotional competency shows how much of that potential we have realized by learning and mastering skills and translating these skills into coping strategies of practical life. Emotional Competency is “A learned capability based on emotional intelligence that results in outstanding performance at work.

Ex. An individual travelling in the bus accidentally stamps another man’s leg and immediately says sorry for that. But the other person whose leg was stamped could not control the anger because of pain starts shouting at the person and makes a fuss of that. If we take this person into consideration who had stamped, even though knowing that the other person is provoking to fight, he simply ignores and continues to move on his way by handling the situation intelligently without being effected.

Emotional competency is an efficiency to deal effectively with several dissociable but related processes is a blending of five competencies (Coleman, 1970):

A) Adequate Depth of Feeling : It is feeling capable with all reality assumptions associated with effective judgment and personality integration ensuring vigorous participation in living. Ex. Having very slight impact of day to day events on oneself.

B) Adequate Expression and Control of Emotions : It is to accept emotions and have adequate control over them marked by adequate emotional expressiveness based on fulsome expression and control of emotions is known as Adequate expression and control of emotions. Ex. Does not loose control at all even on the slight life incidents.

C) Ability to Function with Emotions: It refers to the ability of an individual not to get affected by emotional situations and in their adequate mode of functioning in performing daily routine actions properly. Ex. Even in the conditions of feelings like fear, anxiety, anger the individual will be able to take decisions and does his job properly.

D) Ability to cope with Problem Emotions : It is to have understanding of the role of sensitivity and the detrimental effects of problem emotions and resist their harmful effects. Ex. The fear of strange circumstances does not remain in the individual.

E) Encouragement of positive Emotions : It is to have a high proportion of positive emotions, which show a constructive influence in the dynamics of behavior to ensure a meaningful and fairly well integrated life. Ex. An individual never misses an opportunity to be happy.

An individual is said to be emotionally competent when they have the competent way of handing the emotions as described in the above components of emotions.

4.4.3 Management of emotions:

To handle emotions and manage emotions effectively, it is very essential to know about emotions, which involves the meaning of emotions and biological basis of emotions, the nature of emotions, types of emotions and effects of emotions on health of an individual.

The most important aspect of managing emotions primarily focuses on the emotional intelligence of the individual and to become emotionally competent.

Some of the common means of handling emotions include:

Identify the emotion which you are feeling at the moment.

Ex. if you had a fight with your friend then it is very important to know how you are feeling at that point of time. Ask yourself whether you are angry with your friend or sad for the thing which had happened.

Accepting the emotions without denying them.

Ex: If you are angry or jealous or sad, then let yourself know that and say to yourself that you are angry or jealous rather than denying by not accepting.

Not hanging on too much by thinking excessively about the unpleasant emotions if being experienced.

Ex. If you are sad because of the thing which happened, then don’t keep thinking about it again and again all the time keeping away all the things which you have to do. Try to do something which deviates your mind from the thought that makes you feel sad by remembering the incident.

Sharing the feelings with some one whom you trust rather than pilling up them within oneself.

Ex. It is very essential to vent out your feelings to the right person whether it is your friend, partner or parents on whom you have confidence. You feel lightened and releafed. This does not allow the emotions to get pilled up within yourself leading to frustration and stress and further leading to mental disturbances.

Expressing out your emotions when you experience them.

Ex. When you experience sadness express your feeling by letting the other person know how you are feeling or weep so as to get relief from your emotion. If being happy share your happiness to express wither in words or acts. Do not express too much of your emotions or too less of them. Express them appropriately.

Cultivate regular habits of exercising , taking good diet. A good diet and exercises keeps you both physically and mentally healthy.

Think optimistically always and do not forget to laughing. Always think positively. This keeps you charged and motivates you to do your deeds.

Change the things which you can change. Things which we can change need to be worked out and implemented for bringing changes. Ex. If I want to secure good percentage of marks, then I need to work hard by motivating myself.

Identify the things which you can change and which you cannot change by knowing the difference between these two. Life and death are not in our hands and there are few things which happen in our lives are not in our control and cannot change them. Those things only have to be accepted.

Listening to happy and joyful songs and avoiding being isolating when being sad or low.

Managing anger:

Consciously determine to be calm. Don't react, think! Remember your goals and respond appropriately. Choose to remain calm!

Communicate. When someone upsets you, tell them. Calmly talk to them about how you feel about their words or actions. Learn to express yourself better -- clear and composed. Choose to!

Remove yourself from the scene until you can respond without anger. Your success will not happen overnight. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Remember to relax. Relaxation exercises or music can be helpful. Keep in mind you can reach out to someone you trust for help. Choose to!

Frequently take time for yourself. Do something you enjoy like walking in the park, swimming, reading the Bible, or seeing a feel-good movie. Do something nice for someone you admire. It's okay to feel good about yourself. Choose to!

Look for the positives. Don't dwell on the negatives. "Don't sweat the small stuff." Learn to be forgiving. This is difficult, but we need to start by learning to forgive ourselves!

Live in the present ( here and now) as far as possible. Be aware of yourself, your anger patterns. Find the root cause of your anger – it will be

fear or lust or attachment. Develop your self confidence. Accept yourself as such. When you accept your negatives, deficits, you do not have any

internal conflict at all . As soon as you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irrepairable

or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment. When you recognize that you are angry, just stop doing what you have been doing. Walk

around or sit calmly for a few minutes. Release the stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is least possible harm to

self, others, and the environment. Breath deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Then exhale deeply. Repeat a

few times. Become aware that you are angry. Just observe yourself. If possible involve in some creative work that can pacify you. If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you; like humorous

films, calming music, watering your garden, going to beach or park or the like. Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. Speak

out to them, if possible. If you have love for children, their presence can pacify you. Even pets can sometimes pacify you. Laugh it out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way. Perceive it creatively and constructively and take it as an opportunity to know yourself,

your anger patterns and the situation or other people involved. As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a

lesson. I will show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored as negative energy.

Management of anxiety:

Anxiety is a chronic fear that limits our ability to carry out our normal activities.

One of the easiest ways to manage anxiety is to do a quick relaxation by controlling our breathing and this is a very easy thing to do.

Exert an effort to breathe in and out slowly and deeply

It is advisable to think of the positive side or effects of the situation rather than focus on the downside. This process is called a change in the habit of thinking. The way we feel and the way we think are always a match. So, if you think more of happy thoughts, positive emotions and a positive outlook follow.

Know the cause for anxiety.

In severe unmanageable cases seek professional aid.