Pet Loss and GriefSupport for you and your family

Contents

3 EmotionsofEuthanasia

6 PetsParentsinGrief

9 ChildreninGrief

12 PetsinGrief

15 Memorialisation

18 AGuidetoPlanningAhead

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CopyrightFamilyPetCarePtyLtd2019C

The Emotions of EuthanasiaLovingunconditionally

EuthanasiaThewordeuthanasiacomestousfromtheGreekwordmeaning, “good or fortunate death.” However, whenyouchoosetoeuthaniseyourpet,thiswillcertainlynotfeelanythinglike“good”or“fortunate”.Theemotionswillbe thoseof conflicted feelings.Theproceduremay be done to end the suffering of an illpet, but the grief associatedwith this lossmay seemunbearable.

What Should I Do?If you are making the decision to euthanise, your veterinarian can be your medical guide for you atthistime.Morethan likely therewillbequalityof lifediscussions, financial discussions, and every otherelementofend-of-lifecarefactorsthatwillneedtobeapartofyourthoughtprocess.Therewillbeanotherpartofthisdecisionyoushouldalsoconsider,youarethepetparentandyouknowyour petbetterthananyoneelsedoes.

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Astheguardianofyourpet,youare intuitivelyawareof your pet’s emotions, feelings, and communicativenature,allpointsofconsiderationduringthisemotionaldecision-makingtime.Ifyouhavealreadychosentohaveyourpeteuthanised,trustandacceptthatyouhavemadetherightdecisionwiththeinformationyouhaveatthistime.

Making Sense of My EmotionsWhile it may seem absolutely unbearable, havingpersonal time with your pet before and during theeuthanasia procedure will give you peace of mindknowingyourbelovedfriendknewyouwerewiththemthewholetime.Petsareintuitiveandwillcertainlyfeelyourpresenceandlove.Webecomedeeply connectedwith our pets and thistime togetherat theendwill notbeanydifferent. Itis important to work through all of your emotionssurroundingtheeuthanasia.Notonlytheemotionsofeuthanisingyourpetbutalsotheinformationalaspectofthisprocessaswell.Somepeoplefeelitisimportanttoconsultwithvarioussourcestogainmoreinformationoneuthanasia.Othersourcesmightbe:• Apethospicegrouptoassistwiththepain managementcareathomeforyourpet• Friendswhounderstand• CounsellorsspecialisinginEnd-of-LifePetCare• Petlosssupportgroups

Managing the GuiltThefeelingofguiltwillalsobepresent.Guiltinthefactthatyouarefacedwiththisdecision,“playingGod”assomeviewit,alongwithquestioningthetimingoftheprocedure.Asapetparent,knowingyourpetissufferingwhetherphysicallyormentally,willbepartofthereflectionyouwilldoasyoumakethedecisionon euthanasia,aswellaslettinglovebeapartofyourdecision-makingprocess.

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Asyouprepareyourselfinmakingthedecision,establishparameterstoassistinknowingwhenthetimingisright:• Whenmypetstopsenjoyingtreats• Whenmypetstopseating• Whenhecannolongerfindhislitterbox• WhenshecannolongerfindthedoorTheseboundarieshavetoberightforyouandyourpet.Ask a pet-loving friend or familymember to be yourcompanionat thistimeandtoassistyouthroughthisemotional journey. Whenyouhave foundyourself intheplaceofconsideringeuthanasia,yourgriefjourneyhasalreadybegun.Bekindtoyourselfandfindthesupportyouneedduringthistime.

Things to RememberMakingthisdecisionforyourpetwillinvolveotherswhohave been in your pet’s life such as familymembers,friends, other pets and your vet. Understandingeveryone’s emotional connection to the relationshipshared with your pet will aid in guiding you before,duringandaftertheeuthanasia.Witheveryonehavingtheirownrelationshipwithyourpet,it’simportanttoknowthateveryonewillhavetheirownviewpointsregardingeuthanasia.Asacaregiverofthepet,managingalloftheseviewpointscanbecomeoverwhelmingandaddtotheanxietyoftheend-of-lifedecision.However, it’s important to make sure everyone thathasbeeninvolvedinthepet’slifehasavoice.It’salsoimportanttogiveeveryonetheopportunitytosaytheir“goodbyes”tothepet.Considerbuildinginritualsandincorporatingspecial itemsduringthisfinalend-of-lifewalk with your pet to create a truly meaningful andheartfeltgoodbye.Thegrief journeywillbeuniquetoeachpetowneraseveryonerememberstheirpetfrienddifferently.

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Pet Parents in GriefTomournandheal

What’s Happening to Me?Grief – “intense sorrow– as if by death; our internalfeelings.”Mourning – “the showing of sadness at somebody’sdeath;theexternalactionsexpressinggrief.”Bereaved–“tobedeprivedofsomethingvaluable.”Whensomethingwe lovedies,wehavea severingofa relationship causing us to feel grief and feelings ofintensesorrow.Byphysicallyshowingourgrief,weactivelymournthedeathofthatbeloved.Thisactivemourningwillmoveyourbereavedheartonajourneythroughgriefandtogriefreconciliation.

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What Can I Do?Acknowledge the reality of the deathAcknowledging the full reality of the loss may takeweeksormonthsbutwillbedoneinatimethatisrightforyou. Bekindtoyourselfasyouprepareforthe“newnormal”ofalifewithoutyourbelovedpet.Asyouhadtimetobuildtherelationshipwithyourpetitwilltaketimetogetusedtothemnotbeingthere.Move toward the pain of the lossExperiencing these emotional thoughts and feelingsaboutthedeathofapetisadifficultbutimportantneed.Moving towards this pain through active mourningversus trying to ignore it will create a healthier griefjourney.Continue the relationship with the pet that died through memoryOurmemoriesallowourpetstoliveoninus.Embracingthesememories, both happy and sad, can be a veryslowand,attimes,painfulprocessthatoccursinsmallsteps.Takesometimetolookatpastphotosorwriteyourpetalettertorecallyourtimetogether.

Adjust your self-identityPartofour self-identitymight come frombeingapetparent. Others may also think of you in relation toyourpet. Youmaybethepersonwhoalwayswalkedthe littlechihuahuaaroundtheneighbourhoodorthefriendwhosecatalwaysjumpedonlaps.Adjustingtothischangeisacentralneedofmourning.Search for meaningWhen a pet dies, we naturally question themeaningandpurposeofpetsinourlives.Comingtotermswiththese questions is another needwemustmeet ifweare to progress in our grief journeys. Know that it istheasking,notthefindingofconcreteanswers,thatisimportant.Continue to receive support from othersWeneed the love and support of others becausewenever“getover”grief.Wejustgetthroughit.Talkingorbeingwithotherpetownerswhohaveexperiencedthedeathofapetcanbeoneimportantwaytomeetthisneed.

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Things to RememberThe lossofyourpetwillcomewithsomeunexpectedaspectsaswell.TheDeafeningSilence–Thesilenceinyourhomeafterthedeathofapetcanbeexcruciatinglyloud.Whilethepresenceofevenour smallestofanimal friends takesupphysicalspace,manytimesthepresenceisfeltmorewithoursenses.When your pet is no longer there, the lack of theirpresence,thesilencecanbepiercing. Itbecomestherealityofthe“presenceoftheabsence.”Merelybeingawareofthisstarkrealitywillassistinpreparingyouforthefloodofemotions.TheSpecialBondwithYourPet–Therelationshipsharedwithyourpetisaspecialanduniquebond,aconnectionthatsomemightfinddifficulttounderstand.Therewillbewell-meaningfriendsandfamilymemberswhowillthinkthatyoushouldnotmournforyourpetorwhowilltellyouthatyoushouldnotbegrievingashardasyouarebecause“it’sjustacat.”Whenabondisbrokengriefwillhappen.Yourgriefisnormalandthelostrelationshipyousharedwithyourspecialfriendneedstobemourned.

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Children in GriefUnderstandingtheirjourney

What’s My Role?Asanadultcaregiverassistingachild,itwillbeimportanttoallowthechildto“lead”thejourneythroughthegriefprocess.Childrenarenaturalmourners andwill, in allactuality,teachuswhattheyneedtomourn.Children will mourn in doses and will have sadnessspurts.Theywillmourn,thenplay,mournsomemore,thenplayagain.While thismay seem like they are being disrespectfultoother’s feelingsof sadness, it isaveryhealthywayfor youngsters to move themselves through to griefreconciliation.Yourroleasanadultcaregiveristoallowthechildspacetogrieveintheirownway.Achildwillnotgrieveinthesamewayasanadultandshouldnotbeexpectedto.Your most important role is to model your grievingbehaviour in a way that children will feel safe andcomfortable to express their feelings. Adults are abarometerastohowchildrenwillgrieveandwillfollowtheleadtheyaregiven.

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How to HelpSayinggoodbyetoapetfriendforachildwillbehard.Theywillfirstwanttobegivenachancetoremembertheirpetandtorelivethelifetheyshared.Thisprocesswill be an integral part for them tomove themselvesthroughthegriefjourneytosayinggoodbye.Inassistingachildthroughtheseemotions,achildwillguide you in what help they need. They will let youknowwhen theyare ready to talk, cryor showotheremotions.Forcing a child into talking about these feelings, orforcingaprescribedsetofstepsontoachildwillcreatesomeresistance.Asamodelofhealthygrieving,youastheadultshouldallow the child to physically see a healthy way ofgrieving;therefore,creatingtheenvironmentthattheywillneedinmourningaswell.Inthisprocessofrelivingthelifethatwasshared,thesearesomethingsthatyoucandotoassistthechild:

• Allowthechildtoseeyouwhenyoucryandtobesad. Whilemanypeoplebelievethatnotallowingachildtoseethisisshowingasignofstrength,itisactuallyshowingasignofweaknessinnotbeingabletoshowemotions.Achildwillwanttoseetheseemotions.

• Setupatableinyourhometodisplayitems symbolicofyourpet.The“TributeTable”willprovideanactiveplaceforyourchildtoplace itemsspecialtotheirdeceasedpetandtothelifesharedwiththefamily.Guidethechildwithitemssuchastoys,treats,photos and personalised artwork for the tributetable.

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• Atadesignatedperiodfollowingthedeathoftheir pet,assistthechildinarrangingamemorialservice topaytributetothepet.Letthechildassistyouin decidingonthereadings,poems,lettersormusicto playattheservice.• Createapersonalisedmarkertoplaceinthe backyard,completewiththechild’snicknamefor thepet.• Assistthechildincreatingajournal,scrapbookor photoalbum.• Asafamily,organiseadonationforyourlocalpet shelterinmemoryofyourpet.

Things to RememberIn talking to a child about thedeathof their belovedpet, it is important to use the correct terminology todescribewhathashappened.Theuseofthewords“death”,“dead”and“die”willnotconfusethechildtotheactualityoftheevent.Useofthewords“sleeping”,“gonetothefarm”and“adoptedby another family” will only create confusion andunresolvedgrieffeelingsforachild.

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Pets in GriefHelpingyouhelpthem

What’s Happening with My Other Pets?Animals, like human beings, may experience feelingsof griefwhen they loseapet friend. Aswithpeople,theotherpets inthehouseholdwillhandletheirgriefdifferently,sometothepointofextremevisibilitywhileothersmaynotshowanysignsatall.Differences in these feelings may depend on therelationshipthepetshad,timetogether,ageandotherfactors.What is importantatthistimeis,asapetparent,youareawareofthefactyourpetmightbegrievingthelossofapetfriend,orevenahumanfriend.Beingawareofyourpet’sfeelingswillhelpyouinbeingabletogiveyourpetwhattheywillneedastheymourntheirlossaswell.

Signs of Their MourningYourpetmayvisiblyshowsignsoftheirmourning:• Lossofappetite• Restlessintheirsleep

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• Wanderingaimlessly• “Quieter”thannormalintheirbarkingormeowing andcommunication• Ortotheoppositeextreme,morevocalintheir barkingormeowing• Constantsearchingfortheirpetfriend• Demandingmoreattentionthannormal• NodesiretobesocialAswithpeople,petsshouldbegiventheopportunitytosay“goodbye”totheirpet-friendaswell.Itisdistressingtoapettoseeanothermemberofthehouseholdleaveandneverreturn.Manypetswill search thehouse incessantly, trying tofindtheir friend,waitingbythedoor for thedaytheywillreturn,andthenfinallyexhibitsignsofdepression.Ifitisnotfeasibletohavetheremainingpetsathometo say “goodbye” to their friend before burial orcremation,aftertheirdeath,snipalocketoffursothattheywillhavesomethingtosmell.Smelling may assist them in confirming their friendhas died. This locket of fur can then also be used assomething the surviving pets can “hold” onto duringtheirgrievingprocess.Manydifferent thingsmayhappenduring thetimeofallowing the surviving pets to say “goodbye” to theirdeceasedfriends:• Sniffingofthedeceasedfriend’sbodytoconfirm thedeath• Layingbesidethedeceasedpet• Tryingto“bury”thedeceasedpetby“moving”dirt withtheirnoseorbypullingablanketoverthe body• Howlingorwhimpering• Pawingatthebodyasiftotryto“wake”themup• Bringingafavouritetoyovertothedeceasedpet for“play”• Or,possibly,nothingatall

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To Assist Your Pet with Their Grief Journey• Whileitisimportanttokeeptheirroutinethe same,givethemtheextracareandattentionthey maybecraving.Itwillbegoodforyou,too.• Giveyourpetsomethingwiththedeceasedpet’s scentonitforcomfort.• Ifatreatisacarride,takeyourpetwithyoufor moretimetogether.• Takelongerormorewalkstogethersoyourpetwill nothavetobealone.• Allowthepettosleepinareasheorshepossibly wouldnothavesleptinthepast–thedeceased pet’schairorbed.• Talktoyourpetaboutthedeceasedpet–tellthem howyouaregrievingtooandgivethem “permission”togrieveaswell.• Ifthedeceasedpetwasthe“Alpha”leaderofthe house,knowtheremainingpetswillnowhaveto re-establishtheorderinthehome.You and your pet are grieving the loss of a love youbothhad.Allowyourselfthetimeandpatiencetopaytribute,togrieve,andtomournthespecialbondthathasbeenbroken.

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MemorialisationTohonourandpaytribute

A Sentimental ChoiceThere isnowronganswerwhen it comes to the rightway tomemorialise a beloved pet.What you and/oryour familydecidetodotopaytributetoadeceasedpet should be what is fitting for you and should bereflectiveofthelifeyoushared.Asmany families ponder the perfectmemorialisationpieces,themazecanbevastandconfusing.However,thereareafewquestionsyoucanaskyourselftoguideyouinthisbeautifultributetoyourfurryfriend.

Options to ConsiderThefirstpartofyourmemorialisationdecisionwillbe thefinalarrangementsforyourpet’sbody:cremationorburial?Manyfactorswillplayaroleinthisdecision,factors such as religion, living arrangements, councilregulationsetc.

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Forinstance,consideryourfuturelivingsituation.Forinstance, if youarenot going to live in thisparticularareafortherestofyourlife,areyoucomfortableburyingyourpetatthislocation?Or,asyoumovethroughoutyourcareerandlife,will itbemoreimportanttohaveyourdeceasedpet’sasheswithyou?Afteryouhavemadethisparticularfinalarrangementdecision,youwillthenwanttodecideonwhattypesofphysicalpiecesyouwillwanttohonouryourpet’slife.Itemssuchas:

• Urn• Jewellery• BurialMarkers

Manyfamiliesalsowanttomemorialisetheirpet’slifewithaserviceoraCelebrationofLifeevent.Youcandomanythingsintheprivacyofyourownhome,orwithotherfriendsandfamilymembersjoininginthetribute.However, there may also be rituals you will want todo privately to pay tribute to the times you sharedwith your pet and the specialmemories youwant topreserve.Theseeventsmightlooklikethefollowing:• Continuetotakethedailywalksyoudidwithyour friend–usethistimetoreflectandremember• Lightacandleataspecialtimedailyin remembranceofyourpet• Journal• Cuddlewiththeblanketyourpetlikedtouse

Inamorepublicforum,thereareritualsyoucandowith your family and friends to ceremonially acknowledgethelifeofyourpetandthesignificancethispethadinother’slivesaswell.Somequestionstoaskyourselfasyouareplanningthisgatheringare:• Whatarethethingsmypetlikedtodo? Beoutside?Curledupbythefire?Runningon thebeach?Itisimportanttoincorporatethese surroundingsoractivitiesintothegathering.

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• Createaspecialbookforyourpetwhereothers canrecordtheirfavouritememoriesandleavea tribute.• Wasthereacertainfoodortreatmypetespecially liked?ShouldIincludethisaspartofthetribute?• AsyouinviteotherstotheCelebrationofLife, encouragethemtobringtheirownpetandbring acontributionforalocalpetshelterinhonourof yourpet.• Blowingbubblescanhelpsymbolicallyrelease yourpet’sspirit.• Theplantingofatree,bushorflowerinhonourof yourpetisalovelytestimonytotheCircleofLife.

Things to RememberWhat you choose to do tomemorialise your belovedpetwillbewhatisrightforyou.Whileotherindividualsmayhaveanopinionregardingatributeforyourpet,theritualsormemorialisationitemsyouchooseareyoursandshouldsignifytheloveandthelifeyousharedtogether.Rituals, ceremonies and memorial pieces are uniqueto every individual. Friends and family membersmay or may not understand this need. However,these pieces are all a part of the rituals of themourningprocessmeanttoassistyourgrievingheart.

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A Guide to Planning Ahead

Thefinalarrangementwishformypetis: Cremation Burial

Ifcremation,willyouwanttheashesreturned?

Yes-IndividualCremation;yourpet’sbodywillbecrematedsolely,ensuringthereturnedashesareonlyyourpet.

No–AlternateArrangement;pleasediscussotherlocaloptionswithyourvet.

Ifburial,where?Home Pet Cemetery

Areasofconsiderationwiththisdecisionare:• Doesmysuburb/councilallowpetburials?• WillIalwaysliveatthishome?• Willmyreligiouspreferenceshelpguideyou?• Didmypetliketheoutsideortheinside?Willthat influencemypet’sfinalrestingplace?

Forburial,willyouwantacasket?YesNo

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Service OptionsMany familiesmaywant to have one last time to bewiththeirpetaftertheypass.Thisoffersatimetoseeyourpetatpeace,atimeforyourchildrentopaytributebybringinginitemsspecialtoyourpetandatimetobeginthegriefjourney,andtosaythatfinalgoodbye.Sometimes, friends, familymembersandother familypetswillwanttohavetheirfinalgoodbyewithyourpettoo.Petstouchsomanypeopleduringtheirshortliveswithus. Allow those around you the opportunity to cometogether,paytheirrespectsandsupporteachother.MyfamilyandIwillwantafinalgoodbyetime:

YesNo

Occasionally familieswill take this final goodbyetimetoincorporatetheirimportantfamily/religiousrituals.Ritualsmaylooklike:• Specialreadings• Ritualsyouandyourpetdidtosay“Iloveyou”• Acandlelightingtribute• Readingofspecialpoemsandremembrance• Sharingphotosandvideosofyourpetandfamily

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ForfurtherinformationassociatedwithupcomingGriefSupportGroupdatesoranyotherqueriesyoumayhave,pleasevisitourwebsite,contactour

friendly team on 9248 6464 oremailusat care@lawnswood.com.au

Caring & Trusted ServiceSince 1984 by the Stringer family

lawnswood.com.au

Second and third generations of the Stringers, with Wally the rescue dog.

Ifyouorafamilymemberarefindingitdifficulttodealwithyouremotions,youmaywishtoattendoneofourupcomingPetLossandGriefSupportGroups.

Alternatively,wealsoprovidetheoptionofindividualcounselling.