Polyamorous Behaviors of Non-Poly Identified

Peoples

Young Luo Polygynous Family

Husband

2nd Wife

4th Wife

3rd Wife

1st Wife

Grandmother & Young Children

Main Entrance

Luo Compound

Unmarried Sons

Private Entrance

Luo Compound -- Main Entrance

Luo Compound--Private Entrance

Maasai Polygynous Triad

Maasai Compound

Huli Polygynist

Huli Men’s House

Huli Co-Wives House

Huli Men

Enga Women with their Pigs

Sweet Potato Garden

African-American Triad

Multiple Partner Survey

March 19 – April 4, 2008 (2 ½ weeks)

716 completed surveys (99.6% completion)

50 Questions

Poly Cultural Conventions

• Embrace Poly Culture

• Jealousy Management

• Compersion

• NRE Management

• Disclosure – Transparency– Consensuality

Age

Average – 39

Median – 38

Mode – 38

Range 19-74

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

70

MalesFemalesTransgender

Sex

Sexual Orientation

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

HeterosexualBisexualHomosexualOther

Education

0 0.1 0.2 0.3 0.4 0.5

Some high school

High school graduate

Some college

College graduate

Masters degree

Doctoral Degree

Atheist/Agnostic 187Pagan/Wicca 132Spiritual 80Christian/Protestant 61Jewish 29Unitarian 24Buddhist 20Mormon (FLDS) 2Muslim 1None 67Other 100

Current Religious Practice

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

70

Lifetime Last Year Current

AverageMedianMode

Number of Partners

0

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

45

Primary & SecondaryPartners

Multiple Primary Partners

Single and Dating

Residential Group Marriage

Primary Partner & Hookups

Mono with Poly Partner

Other

Relationship Patterns

Residence Patterns

0 0.05 0.1 0.15 0.2 0.25 0.3 0.35 0.4

Spouse

Alone

Roommate(s)

Parents

Lover

Multiple Partners

Other

0.00%

10.00%

20.00%

30.00%

40.00%

50.00%

60.00%

Single/Never Married Divorced/Separated Married/Domestic Partner

Marital Status

Polyamory Affiliation

• Books and Publications

• Leaders and Spokespeople

• Language and Cultural Practices

Books and Publications

• Love without Limits – 61%

• The Ethical Slut – 84%

• Loving More Magazine – 57%

• None – 12%

Leaders and Spokespeople

• Deborah (Taj) Anapol – 45%

• Oberon Zell – 33%

• Robyn Trask –32%

• Nan Wise –24%

• Sasha and Janet Lessin – 21%

• None – 37%

Language & Cultural Practices

• NRE (New Relationship Energy) – 67%

• Compersion – 67%

• Transparency – 50%

• NVC (Non-violent Com.) –22%

• None 17%

Definitions of Polyamory

• Responsible/ethical/honest non-monogamy• Having sex with more than one man• A deep, emotional, sometimes physical

relationship with more than one partner simultaneously

• Relationship with multiple people in which everyone knows about each other and is okay about it.

• Having multiple concurrent romantic relationships with the full informed, uncoerced consent of all parties.

More Poly Definitions

• Believing that we can love more than one person at the same time, with or without sexual engagement.

• An exploration into conscious relating that doesn't subscribe to the conventional paradigm of lifelong marriage. Rather than revolving around the couple, it revolves around the individual as a whole and evolving person. Based on non-possessive love.

Do you experience jealousy when your partner/lover

appears interested in someone new?

• Females – 54%

• Males – 39%

• Poly Enculturated – 53%

• Single Heterosexuals – 67%

• Gay Men – 67%

• Bisexual Women – 52%

When my partner tells me what a good time they had with one of their lovers, I

feel happy for them. • Females – 76%

• Males – 84%

• Poly Enculturated – 81%

• Single Heterosexuals – 63%

• Gay Men – 67%

• Bisexual Women – 81%

It varies: sometimes I'm genuinely happy for them (both), sometimes I have to force myself to be realistic so as to not feel jealous. Sometimes I'm openly jealous and sometimes I feel indifferent.

Compersion Comments

It depends on whether I've met and liked the other person. My boyfriend tends to chose poorly for himself, so I'm suspicious until I meet this new person. My husband has no other partners.

More Compersion Comments

• It's complicated. :-) I am happy that my partner had a great time. But that doesn't mean that hearing all of the details is particularly easy.

• Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Usually depends on where I am with my own insecurities.

I try to limit my activities with other lovers so that

they will not replace/displace my primary relationship.

• Females – 32%

• Males – 34%

• Poly Enculturated – 24%

• Single Heterosexuals – 34%

• Gay Men – 30%

• Bisexual Women – 29%

As for sharing intimate details about other

partners/lovers, I find that “don’t ask, don’t tell” is the

best practice.• Females – 14%

• Males – 15%

• Poly Enculturated – 8.6%

• Single Heterosexuals – 40%

• Gay Men – 40%

• Bisexual Women – 11%

When I connect with someone new I find it very

difficult to interact romantically with my other

partner(s).• Females – 4%

• Males – 2%

• Poly Enculturated – 4%

• Single Heterosexuals – 9%

• Gay Men – 10%

• Bisexual Women – 3%

My dream/current reality is being part of a residential

group marriage.• Females – 38%

• Males – 49%

• Poly Enculturated – 40%

• Single Heterosexuals – 16%

• Gay Men – 30%

• Bisexual Women – 42%

Conclusions

• Poly – Enculturated and Bisexual Women have similar patterns regarding their views and practices re: jealousy, compersion and disclosure.

• Males tend to be less jealous and more compersive than Females

• Single Heterosexuals and Gay Men are the most jealous and the least transparent.

• Group Marriage is not an ideal/goal for the majority of respondents.

Observations

• All practitioners seek to keep the good things they have while accessing more love, (sexual) intimacy and attention.

• Those who are part of subcultures that embrace transparency and value compersion engage in these beliefs and behaviors as a means to retain all that they value.