polygamy cannot be acceptable

7/28/2019 Polygamy Cannot Be Acceptable

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Polygamy Cannot Be Acceptable

Maria Ulfa

Faculty of Culture Studies, University of Brawijaya

[email protected]

Absolutely everybody knows what exactly polygamy is; it is such a marriage more

than one spouse at one time. In principle, polygamy is divided into three categories: polygyny

that a marriage among one husband with more than a single wives, polyandry that one

woman is married to several husbands and group marriage that several husbands are married

to several wives. Polygamy itself is originated from Greek language,poly orpolus which

mean in great quantities andgamein orgamis which mean marry/marriage (Farida, 2008: 15).

Nowadays, polygamy has become a hot topic in our nation and causes propaganda, especially

when infotainment more intense in issue of Eyang Subur who has 8 wives. In view of that

issue, I definitely never agree to enact the polygamy in familys life. There are 4 strong

reasons why it cannot be acceptable for common people seen from psychological, physical,

sexual medic, and economic aspects.

First, from the psychological aspect, polygamy or having marriage with some wives

can create quite some conflicts and many of them suffer emotionally. Of course, every single

person feels jealous when his beloved husband must be shared by the others women. It makes

heart always in despondency feeling and gets hurtful all the time. Thus, conflict cannot be

avoided and separated in surrounding life of polygamy. Mustofa (2007: 249) asserts that

marriage with two, three, four, and so on wives can be closer to oppression. In addition,

Nurmila has an example about Linas story which is make her son become unrestrained after

he knows that his father did polygamy.

Shocked by the news, Budi went to the backyard to look for a sword. Lina said that he was really

angry and wanted to kill Nani, but he was able to restrain himself from doing it. He released his anger

by hitting the back door with the sword. Lina also reported that Budi had run away from school,

because he was ashamed when some of his friends found out about his father going out with another

woman who was not Budis mother (2009: 139).

So, the impact of polygamy is very extensive for wives and also children in psychology

aspect. Logically, polygamy can make loss of humanity as human being and create

uncontrolled emotional, depression, tizzy, etc.


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The second aspect is psychical, certainly we often hear quarrel in family. In this case,

I will look over to describe more in physical aspect through impacts of polygamy such as:

hitting, abusing, shooting, killing, and others kind of injuring physic. There is a case study of

someone about violence experience that can make trauma:

In beginning of marriage between Ririn and Arif is going well. Two years passed and his attitude

changes to her. He is upstaging and often does violence to his wife. Ririn regards maybe later his

husbands attitude will change. But in fact, his husband has married with Santi. Ririn is irked with her

husband who never give know about the information. Because of Arifs attitude, Ririn wants to end herrelationship. She cannotbe patient anymore and her physic is not able to scrap along (2008: 99).

Discussing about violence in family, children also can get bad effect when parent fights in

front of their children. Cherlin states, When parent fights, children tend to become fearful

and distress (2002: 440). Hence, in polygamous marriage we cannot avoid violence in

family. Even though, in monogamous marriage we ever see the fighting between them,

moreover in polygamy we will force a bigger problem and more difficult condition which can

create inharmonious in family.

The third aspect is in term of sexual medic. If we have more than one spouse in one

time, it can create a serious illness related with venereal diseases. Farida (2008: 99)

strengthens that marriage in sexual medic perspective shows that habit in flitting couple

causes spouse become susceptible in venereal diseases and also HIV/AIDS. Its really

dangerous for spouse, especially for husband who has more than ones wives. If polygamy is

still continued, it will give bad influences in health of spouse itself. According to Emmanuel

Ouma, the Kenya Red Cross official in charge of the Western and Nyanza region, It must be

one of the greatest contributors to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and HIV/Aids

because the likelihood of mistrust among couples is higher than in monogamous marriages

(Siringi, 2010: 2).

The last aspect is from economic point of view. In polygamy life, a husband should

feed two or more wives that it must fair in sharing salary per person. Even though income can

be gotten from the wives too, but the husband still have to be responsible in viability of each

wives. Besides, every singles wives who have children may cause higher percentage of

family members depending on other, which again decreases the family income per person.

Leslie explains,

The existence ofpolygyny implies relatively high living standards. It means that one man must be

capable of supporting at least two women and their children. Even where the highest living standards /

prevail, not many men can afford this. Most men in the United States, for example could not afford two

wives even if it were permitted. Thus as economic necessity most men in polygyny societies have onlyone wife. Only the very wealthy are likely to afford than one (2008: 61).


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Hence, the polygamous family will not make prosper anymore, but it will be worse the

economics of family. Even, polygamy can make lower income to our life.

On the contrary, some people agree to have polygamous marriage. We know that

every citizen, man and woman have a right to choose who they want to spend their life with

and how they want to. By legalizing polygamy in independent countries to fit into the society

people will have this right as well. Keenan says, We need to legalize polygamy, too.

Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive

choice. Then more importantly, it would actually help protect, empower, and strengthen

women, children, and families (2013). Polygamous marriage has already been approved in

some Independent countries but they all have a civil law condition. It recognizes people to

have the choice to marry whosoever they please.

In conclusion, I definitely do not support of having polygamy family because it is

really harm for spouse whether for husband, wives, and children. It also brings bad impacts in

psychological, physical, sexual medic, and economic aspects. We have known several of

disadvantages in polygamy life, right? So, do you still want having polygamous marriage? If

your answer yes, please prepare in forcing a bigger problem and more difficult condition than

you choose monogamous marriage.

References:

Cherlin, A. J. 2002.Public and Private Families. NY: McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Farida, A. 2008.Menimbang Dalil Poligami: Antara Teks, Konteks, dan Praktek. Jakarta:

Balai Penelitian dan Pengembangan Agama.

Keenan, J. 2013.Legalize Polygamy! No. I am not kidding. Retrieved on May 18th, 2013 from

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doubleX/2013/04/legalize_polygamy

marriage_equality_for_all.html/

Mustofa, A. 2007.Poligami Yuuk!?. Surabaya: Padma Press.

Nurmila, N. 2009. Women, Islam and Everyday Life Renegotiating Polygamy in Indonesia.

Retrieved on June 2nd, 2013 from http://en.bookfi.org/book/1202748

Siringi, S. 2010.Polygamous Marriages Exposing Kenyans to Risk Of HIV/Aids, Warns New

Survey. Retrieved on June 2nd, 2013 from http://www.nation.co.ke/News/Polygamous-

marriages-exposing-Kenyans-to-risk-of-HIV-Aids/-/1056/955610/-/15c4yt8z/-

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