portorož march 2009mirabiimago - ifta imago slovenija validation and empathy – healing one...
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Validation and Empathy – Healing One Relationship at a Time with Imago Therapy
Meta Tavčar, Imago couples therapist, WSP, supervisorRudi Tavčar, MBA, univ. dipl. psih. Imago couples therapist, WSP
[email protected] [email protected]
Portorož IFTA 2009
Slovensko društvo za Imago terapijo
Nova pot k ljubezni
Slovensko društvo za Imago terapijo
www.imagoslovenija.net
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
What shall we talk about
• Imago couples therapy basics
• The role of Imago therapist
• Structure of the conscious dialogue – the role of validation
• (Demonstration of the dialogue)
• Feedback and questions
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Imago in Slovenija and worldwide
• 7 Imago therapists, 2 educators, 25 in the process of education
• 2 WSP • 1 Imago supervisor• Since Jan 2008 –
Slovenian Association for Imago Therapy – www.imagoslovenija.net
• Imago Relationships International, Harville Hendrix and Hellen La Kelly Hunt, 3000 therapists ww
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Roots of Imago therapy
• Psychoanalysis, TA, Gestalt, Systemic relational approach, Attachment theory, …
• Cognitive approach, Choice theory
• Neuroscience and neurobiology
• Spiritual traditions of east and west
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Relationship is a living beingWe are two
Our relationship is one
The needs of the relationship are above the needs of individual
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Imago – the imprinted picture of childhood caretakers
++--+--+
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Power struggle
Spoznavanje
Transformation
Real love
E X I T S
Decision
Romantic
Relationship is alive and is developing
Unconscious relationship
SYMBIOSIS
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Relationship is alive and is developing
Unconscious relationship
SYMBIOSIS
Romantic phase
Insight
Transformation
Real love
POWER STRUGGLE
No aliveness and connection EXITS
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Power struggle
Insight
True love
Decision for a conscious marriage
Out of symbiosis into differentiation
DIALOGUE
Relationship is alive and is developing
Romantic phase
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Romantic phase
Power struggle
Insight into the childhood “baggage”
True loveUnmet needs
childhoud wounds
Survival strategies
Lost self
Imago
DIALOGUE
Relationship is alive and is developing
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Romantc phase
Power struggle
Spoznavanje
Transformation
True love
E X I T S
Nezavedni odnos
SIMBIOZA
Decision
DIALOGUE
Relationship is alive and is developing
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Romantic phase
Boj za moč
Spoznavanje
Sprememba Prebujenje
I Z H O D I
OdločitevDIALOG
True love
Relationship is alive and is developing
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Presumption of therapists’ work• Wounds have accrued in relationship and only in
relationship they can be healed• Conditions for lasting change of negative
behaviour: – Pre-validation– Insight and understanding of me and my partner– Partners validation and empathy – Creating of new positive habits
• Personal rational and emotional experience with conscious dialogue that provides condition for change
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
The role of a therapist• Makes no diagnosis• Does not solve the conflict• Facilitates safe communicational place
between the couple for understanding of the reason that brought to the conflict
• Out of understanding teaches the couple to change the behaviour that results in a healthy (joyful and loving) relationship
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Therapist is not a therapist
Therapist is:–Facilitator of the process–Enabler and guide for the
communication between the couple
–Coach that qualifies the couple to become a “therapist” to each other
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Imago tools
• Concious dialogue
• Parent – child dialogue
• Reconstruction of frustration with behaviour change request
• Vision
• Re-romanticising
• Positive floodingTherapist in the
process of the therapy
teaches the couple to
use these tools
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Conscious dialogue – the bridge from hart to hart
Visiting the partners’ “land”
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
Structure of Imago Conscious Dialogue• MIRRORING
• I heard you saying that..• Did I get you?• Is there more?
– Summary• Is this the essence?
• VALIDATION• I understand you… • and it is important …• It makes sense
because…
• EMAPTHY• And I imagine that you
might feel…
• Getting INFORMATION about the other
• UNDERSTANDING the others logic without agreeing – stepping OUT OF SYBMIOSIS into DIFFERENTIATION
• Emotions that provide the energy for BEHAVIOR CHANGE
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Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
The result of the conscious marriage
• Safe connection• Understanding• Compassion• Recognition of the differences• Knowing thyself• Healing of the childhood wounds• Personal growth • Growth of the relationship• Becoming joyful adult
Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija
WWW.mirabi.org
Slovensko društvo za Imago terapijo
www.imagoslovenija.net
A New Way To Love
Meta Tavčar, Imago couples therapist, WSP, supervisorRudi Tavčar, MBA, univ. dipl. psih. Imago couples therapist, WSP
[email protected] +386(0)41 705 [email protected] +386(0)41 726 853www.mirabi.org
Portorož IFTA 2009