Positive Positive Communication:Communication:

Defusing Challenging Defusing Challenging SituationsSituations

Presented by:Presented by:

MCPS Employee Assistance ProgramMCPS Employee Assistance Program

240-314-1040240-314-1040

OutcomesOutcomes

Learn the STARR model for defusing Learn the STARR model for defusing challenging situationschallenging situations

Understand the physiological impact of stress Understand the physiological impact of stress

Know effective listening and speaking skills Know effective listening and speaking skills

Experience stress management techniques to Experience stress management techniques to cope more effectively with conflictcope more effectively with conflict

AgendaAgenda

OpeningOpening

Understanding ConflictUnderstanding Conflict

STARR Model STARR Model

Active Listening SkillsActive Listening Skills

BreakBreak Speaking SkillsSpeaking Skills ClosingClosing

What Do We Mean byWhat Do We Mean by Defusing? Defusing?

Small Group ExerciseSmall Group Exercise

How was conflict handled inHow was conflict handled in

your family?your family?

How was conflict defused?How was conflict defused?

STARRSTARR PowerPower

SSTOPTOP and breathe and breathe

TTHINKHINK through your optionsthrough your options

AACTCT with positive with positive

communicationcommunication

RRESPECTESPECTyourself and the other person yourself and the other person

RREWARDEWARDtake care of yourselftake care of yourself

SStoptop

Take a Deep Take a Deep BreathBreath

TThink Before You Acthink Before You Act

Is this important ?Is this important ?

Are you ready to listen ?Are you ready to listen ?

Are you labeling the person ? Are you labeling the person ?

How would you feel if you wereHow would you feel if you were in the other person’s shoes ?in the other person’s shoes ?

AAct with Positive ct with Positive

CommunicationCommunication

Active Listening Skills Active Listening Skills combine listening and talking combine listening and talking skills so that the other person skills so that the other person

feels understoodfeels understood

LISTENLISTENSILENTSILENT

Pop QuizPop Quiz Most of us are distracted about _____% of Most of us are distracted about _____% of

the time we think we are listening.the time we think we are listening.

Right after we listen to someone, we recall Right after we listen to someone, we recall about ______% of what he or she has said.about ______% of what he or she has said.

Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear.Long-term we recall ____% of what we hear.

_____ % of our communication is conveyed _____ % of our communication is conveyed non-verbally.non-verbally.

*International Listening Association*International Listening Association

AnswersAnswers Most of us are distracted about Most of us are distracted about _75%_75% of the of the time we think we are listening.time we think we are listening.

Right after we listen to someone, we recall Right after we listen to someone, we recall about about __50%50% of what he or she has said. of what he or she has said.

Long-term, we recall Long-term, we recall 20%20% of what we hear. of what we hear.

70%70% of our communication is conveyed of our communication is conveyed non-verballynon-verbally

*International Listening Association*International Listening Association

Listening ExerciseListening Exercise

Active Listening Active Listening SkillsSkills

Body LanguageBody Language Door OpenersDoor Openers ParaphrasingParaphrasing ReflectingReflecting SummarizingSummarizing

BREAKBREAK

How do you start the How do you start the conversation ?conversation ?

You know, the conversations you worry about and put off?

““II” ” MessagesMessages vs vs ““YouYou” ” MessagesMessages

I hear . . .I hear . . . I feel . . .I feel . . . I assume . . .I assume . . . I want . . .I want . . . I need . . .I need . . . I don’t understand I don’t understand Do you mean . . .?Do you mean . . .?

Why did you…?Why did you…? You You alwaysalways or or

never never . . .. . . Yea, but you . . .Yea, but you . . . It’s your fault!It’s your fault! How come you…? How come you…? You made me You made me

angryangry

Use Use ““II”” Messages Messages

I feel or think ___________________I feel or think ___________________ when __________________________when __________________________ because _________________________.because _________________________.

I feel frustrated when plans are made I feel frustrated when plans are made without checking with me because I may without checking with me because I may have something else I want to do.have something else I want to do.

““YouYou” ” StatementsStatements

1.1. Why did you cut me off in the meeting? Why did you cut me off in the meeting?

2.2. You are always asking me do extra You are always asking me do extra projects and are making me fall behind.projects and are making me fall behind.

3.3. You complain about every little thing I do You complain about every little thing I do and never seem satisfied with my work.and never seem satisfied with my work.

4.4. You make me so mad because you never You make me so mad because you never do anything around the house to help me.do anything around the house to help me.

Red FlagRed Flag

Why, butWhy, but Problem,Problem, You have toYou have to You should have done X earlier,You should have done X earlier, Unfortunately, there is reallyUnfortunately, there is really

nothing I can donothing I can do What they told you was incorrectWhat they told you was incorrect

The Top Ten Things to Say to The Top Ten Things to Say to Make an Angry Person AngrierMake an Angry Person Angrier

1.1. Calm down. Calm down. 2.2. That's not my problem.That's not my problem.3.3. You're too sensitive.You're too sensitive.4.4. Just shut up for a minute.Just shut up for a minute.5.5. You’ve got to be kidding!You’ve got to be kidding!6.6. I just have to think of myself right now.I just have to think of myself right now.7.7. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?Don’t you think you’re overreacting?8.8. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.You’re making a big deal out of nothing.9.9. That’s what YOU think!That’s what YOU think!10.10. Like Like YOU’REYOU’RE perfect! perfect!

Stick to the FactsStick to the Facts

Focus on the issueFocus on the issue

Be specific about what you Be specific about what you havehave

observedobserved

Describe behaviors, not Describe behaviors, not personal personal

characteristicscharacteristics

Green FlagGreen Flag

““Is this a good time for you?”Is this a good time for you?” What, howWhat, how Let’s, weLet’s, we I am sorry/ I apologize…I am sorry/ I apologize… Let me find someone whoLet me find someone who

RRespectespect

Respect Yourself and Respect Yourself and the Other Personthe Other Person

RReward!eward!

Yourself . . .Yourself . . .

DEEP BREATHINGDEEP BREATHING

Stress Squares Color KeyStress Squares Color Key

Less Relaxed

More Relaxed`

MCPS EAPMCPS EAP

Assessment, short term Assessment, short term counseling,counseling,

and referraland referral

Confidentiality/recordsConfidentiality/records

Other services: workshops, crisis Other services: workshops, crisis responseresponse

Access point for mediationAccess point for mediation

Alternative DisputeAlternative Dispute Resolution Resolution

Mediation as an optionMediation as an option

CRCMCCRCMC

MCPS Dispute ResolutionMCPS Dispute Resolution ProgramProgram

Thanks for coming!Thanks for coming!

For more information about the EAP, For more information about the EAP, contact us at contact us at 240-314-1040240-314-1040

or visit our website ator visit our website atwww.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/eapwww.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/eap

Biodot Color KeyBiodot Color KeyMore Relaxed

Less Relaxed