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The art of difficult conversations

Sam DeanDirector, BlueprintHQ

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Disclaimer

This presentation is provided to amuse you, open your mind and to inform.

We are talking about engagement conversations: engaging our clients in what’s important to them and connecting them with what we can/do for them.

We assume that you’re clear on your own licensing requirements and what constitutes “Advice” under the relevant legislation requirements.

The content we provide should not be used by you to replace any professional, financial or legal advice.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you, because we just did.

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• A conversation is a relationship

• One conversation at a time, you’re either building, destroying or flat lining relationships with staff and clients

• Conversations allow us to connect before we correct

• Successful relationships are about understanding our clients and core needs

Let’s get clear on conversation

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How do I respond when it comes to the essential conversations of –

• “I know my clients or staff are in trouble, but I don’t know what to do”

The two types we’re looking at….

VALUE CONVERSATIONS

• “My clients don’t value what I do”

• “They won’t pay for these extra

services”

• “How can I have tax to pay when I

don’t have any money”?

DIFFICULT FEEDBACK

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✓ What is conversation and why is it important

✓ Why we find it so hard to have conversation

✓ Getting ready to have better value conversations

✓ Basic feedback – on behaviour you have seen and in day-to-day

✓ Practical tips on how to frame and prepare

✓ A base to grow to more complex and difficult feedback

What are we covering?

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Let’s talk about our mindset and

training!

Why do we find it hard?

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The advisory mindset

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Shift from ‘expert’ to ‘advisor’ mindset

• Reactive – deal with situations or problems (client or own) as they are happening. i.e. when they come to us

• “Tell” our answers – we hear a client problem and tend to jump straight into providing the solution immediately

• Specialist – solutions are based on OUR years of experience, education and training

• Apathy – impassiveness and lack of concern for helping solve client pain points

• Focus is on transactions – we solve those problems in isolation and tend to fix the symptom not the root cause

• We feel uncomfortable approaching problems where we might not know the solution

• Proactive – creating and controlling situations before they happen

• Curious - continually asks questions and listens to client problems

• Generalists - looks holistically at the client’s problems and explores the root causes, not just the symptoms

• Empathy – seeks to understand clients more holistically, including their emotions and is able to stand in their shoes

• Focus is on meaningful client relationships

• Collaborative – finds ways to bring in new solutions not already available within the organisation or it’s networks

EXPERT

VS

ADVISOR

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How to have difficult conversations in a safe and constructive way…

The challenge

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Try not to…

Interrupt

Rush the other person

Think ahead whilst others are talking, including

coming up with your response before the other

person has finished making their point

Finish the other person’s sentences for them

Multi-task when others are talking

(i.e. check your emails while you’re on the phone)

Remember to listen

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SOLUTION

How do we connect

what we do with

what’s important?

Value conversations

with clients

Put in a process to help you frame

the conversation…

CHALLENGE

• “They won’t pay for these extra

services”

• “My clients don’t value what I

do”

• “How can I have tax to pay

when I don’t have money?”

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Framing the conversation

The advisory process

ASSESS DELIVERINVESTIGATE

Rinse + Repeat

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How to reframe your conversations with clientsto “what they want” as opposed to telling them what they need

ADVISOR

• Space to drill down on the clients’ WITY

• Start a different conversation with the client – start

to reframe what you do with what’s important to you

• Reframe how they think of your advice

• Move them into an ‘Investigate’ to provide more

space to explore their WITY with them, then being

able to give them valuable ongoing services

CLIENT

• To start the conversation and create space to start

thinking about their WITY in relation to their

personal and business goals

• Answer questions that may not have been asked

before

• Identify a range of ‘what’s important to them’ and

identify the need for space to discuss it

Purpose of the

assessment stage

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Rules

• Non-technical – do not use any product terms

• Establish gaps between what they want and where they are now

• Aspirational and challenging

Assessment questions

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Let’s work an example….“They won’t pay for these extra services”

Client example:

Messy bookkeeping files that are causing

blow-outs on EOY jobs

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• Feel that you can rely on your numbers?

• Spend time on things you enjoy?

• Time is valued?

• Don’t get frustrating and annoying calls from us?

How are you doing with that?

Explain that to me…

Assessment questionsIs it important to you that you(r)…

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“If we could help you with……would you want to know about that?”

Engagement questions

Let’s start with a one-hour meeting

where we can review your current state of your file,

where we want it to be, then drill down on what needs

fixing up and alleviate any concerns you may have.

Then we can set some actions help get you there.

Example of “Investigate”

or next stage response:

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Difficult conversations –giving feedback

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The engaged feedback checklist

Daring Feedback

I know that I’m ready to give feedback when …

I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you.

I’m willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it toward you).

I’m ready to listen, ask questions, and accept that I may not fully understand the issue.

I’m ready to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart your mistakes.

I recognize your strengths and how you can use them to address your challenges.

I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming.

I am open to owning my part.

I can genuinely thank someone for their efforts rather than criticize them for their failings.

I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to growth and opportunity.

I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you.

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Preparing to give feedback

What is the main behaviour point I want to address?

ASK YOURSELF

Why do you want to address it (and not just because it annoys you!)

THINK ABOUT WHY

Jot down a couple of points to go through in preparation - it’s ok to refer to your notes

TAKE NOTES

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Preparing to give feedback cont’d…

Have something positive to say and note what they’re doing well

FOCUS ON THE GOOD

Provide the feedback as close to the behaviour as possible that you are feeding back on

FEEDBACK CLOSE TO BEHAVIOUR

Ideally, only give feedback on behaviour you have seen

ONLY IF IT’S VISIBLE

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Preparing to give feedback cont’d….

What could be changed to improve

WHAT IS THE CHANGE?

Have a suggestion ready to give, if required

WHAT CAN YOU SUGGEST?

What would success look like if the behaviour changes…..

WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK LIKE?

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When giving feedback

Ask permission to give feedback

“Hey, would it be ok to give you some feedback on…”

Create the space and time to do it – “Do you have

15 minutes now or can we catch up later…..?”

Get to the point straight away

Be clear in what the actual behaviour/problem is that you’re

feeding back on. “Hey in that meeting you seemed angry,

that’s ok but walking out in the middle of it is not”

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When giving feedback cont’d….

Be kind – remember receiving feedback can be uncomfortable

Make sure you’re on the same page –

get them to repeat back what they understand the

issue to be – don’t go forward until this is articulated

Get their thoughts and feedback – and listen

Suggest a different approach and a check-in if required

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• Breathe

• Be open to the feedback

• Create the space if needed – schedule

another time to discuss it

• Listen to what they’re saying

• Allow them to finish

• Check in with what they’re feeding back:

“ok what I heard was that leaving the

meeting was not ok.”

• Clarify any suggestions received and

what they look like

Receiving feedback

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• If you’re feeling it’s unjustified, take a breath and

feed that back

• If that’s too hard, ask for space – “thanks for the

feedback – can I get back to you?”

• Be kind – remember giving feedback is

uncomfortable and they’re only trying to help

Receiving feedback cont’d…

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Tips on preparation + delivery

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Prepare!!

Prepare a “mini” agenda – write it down

When setting it, ask yourself:

• What is my intention going into this conversation is…….. (self)

• What is the problem I’m trying to solve – why am I having the conversation? What does success look like? (setting expectation)

• How can I ask for permission to have the conversation

• How can I connect with the person quickly before I correct?

• How could I bring some fresh new ideas or perspectives to the conversation?

• REHEARSE

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• Set expectations

• Breathe

• Count to three before talking

• Always check-in

• Can I check in with what I said….

• The story I heard is……..

• BE KIND

Tips for during the meeting

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• Discomfort only lasts eight seconds

• Consequences of not having the conversation can last a lot longer

Remember……

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Let's chat....

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with one of my team where we discuss some of

the challenges you’re looking to solve.

Where to from here...

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