Evidence and Elaboration

Building Support for your Claim

So, let’s talk about the WRITING FSAFSA Write is next Tuesday! You have come a LONG WAY and I am very proud of each of you!

BUT! There is still work to do to make sure you will do your best on the test! Based on the results from the third FPMA, we need to practice:

1. Creating clear and precise claims/controlling ideas

2. Using a variety of different kinds of evidence3. ELABORATING on cited evidence and

CONNECTING it to your claim/controlling idea

4. Creating clear conclusions 5. Not using personal pronouns

What You Already KnowAs soon as you receive the passage set, you should:1. Read the prompt2. Dissect the prompt (using TAP and/or CUB)3. Read the passage set – with pencil in hand to

underline, circle, star the information which may be useful to your writing.

4. Plan – use an outline or graphic organizer.5. Write6. Read what you’ve written to make necessary

revisions.

Finding Effective Evidence In order to find the most relevant information, you must know your audience.  Information that is convincing or useful for one audience may have no effect on a different audience.

Finding Effective Evidence For example: Parents will care more about the

safety of their child driving to school when their child is not quite awake, than the county’s cost of adding additional buses.

Additional example: Parents will give more heed to what a doctor says about delaying the beginning of the school day, than what a high school sophomore may say about the schedule change.

Finding Effective Evidence Include a variety of evidence types:

Quotes -- “Lack of sleep has been linked with poor health, bad grades, car crashes and other problems (Source 2, paragraph 15).

Paraphrases -- According to Source 1, paragraphs 14, one high school sophomore believes changing start times will simply change her schedule rather than allow for one more hour of sleep.

Chart, map, graph references – The chart in source 3 shows that transportation costs would increase approximately 12 percent per student.

Statistics, numbers – More than 40 percent of teenagers begin school prior to 7:30 a.m.

NO Personal Pronouns!But how can I say my opinion without using

I … ME … YOU … MY … MINE????Say the same idea, but remove the pronoun! Example: I think Susan B. Anthony should be on the new $20 bill.

Types of Evidence-Based Elaboration

TYPE DESCRIPTION EXAMPLEExplanation

Explain the evidence provided. (Often used when a direct quote is given.)

Evidence: According to authors, Africa lost more than 60% of its elephants to poachers over the last ten years.Elaboration: That is more than half of all the elephants in the country, meaning that at this speed, the elephants could soon die out.

Evaluation Evaluate the evidence based on other facts in the passages.

Evidence: Surveys indicate that many citizens do not even realize that the elephants die when poachers get the ivory.Elaboration: However, this is not a good enough reason to let this practice continue, since groups like CITE educate their citizens with such facts.

Definition Defining concept or idea to help your reader better understand the evidence.

Evidence: Colony collapse disorder (CCD) is one possible reason why honeybees are disappearing.Elaboration: Colony collapse disorder is when bees leave their nest but never return. Scientists are searching for the cause.

Types of Evidence-Based Elaboration

TYPE DESCRIPTION

EXAMPLE

Analyze (Compare)

Provide a comparison to the evidence.

Evidence: As the polar ice melts, polar bears become less afraid of humans as they look for food.Elaboration: The graphic provided shows a polar bear trying to get into a truck. Thus, as their habitat disappears, they search elsewhere, finding food wherever possible.

Analyze (Prediction)

Analyze the evidence and make a prediction based on evidence in the text.

Evidence: Colony collapse disorder (CCD) is one possible reason why honeybees are disappearing.Elaboration: If this continues to happen and bees keep leaving their hives, crops will fail, costing farmers millions of dollars.

Analyze (Cause/Effect Relationships)

Analyze the evidence to show a likely cause and effect relationship.

Evidence: Experts say that the coral reefs are disappearing at a rapid rate.Elaboration: Therefore, many aquatic creatures like the clown fish will become greatly in danger of losing their natural habitat.

Practice, Practice, Practice! YOUR TASK:

Select TWO pieces of evidence below and practice your elaborative techniques. (You may change the wording, the signal phrase, or the transition into the evidence provided if needed.)1. According to Howard Gold, a survey conducted by the Brookings

Institution revealed that the American dream was “harder to achieve.”

2. “AAA estimated it would cost $11,039 a year to own one four-wheel-drive sport-utility vehicle” (Source 2).

3. “Only 16 million U.S. households – around 1 in 8 – earned that much in 2013, according to the U.S. Census Bureau” (Source 2).

4. A graphic in “Price Tag for the American Dream” reveals that the costly amount for all for the average “extras” like family vacations, entertainment, and restaurants totals $17,009.

PEEL It! P: point! Your claim/controlling idea E: evidence! What evidence BEST supports your point? E: elaboration! Explain WHY your evidence BEST supports your point. L: link! Link this piece of evidence and elaboration to the next.

POINT(claim/controlling

idea)

EVIDENCE(including

source)

ELABORATION (how the

evidence relates to the point)

LINK(transition)

How to PEELPOINT(claim/

controlling idea)

EVIDENCE(including

source)

ELABORATION(how does this relate

to the point)

LINK (transition)

The American Dream is not achievable because the average income of most Americans does not support the needed costs of what makes the American Dream possible.

1. “Total income needed to live the American Dream: $130, 357.” (source 2)

2. “Up to 15 million young Americans today are at risk.” (source 1, paragraph 5)

• For just the basic costs of living, the amount of money you need to make a year already exceeds the average income of most Americans.

• Children are the most at risk in America because many parents are unable to provide the basics to ensure kids are successful in life.

• The American Dream is not the only thing at risk.

• While children are the most vulnerable victims of the loss of the American Dream, most Americans fall short of achieving the American Dream.

This is an argumentative prompt: Take a position on whether or not you believe that the American Dream is achievable by all Americans based on the evidence provided by the texts.

Now, put it together in the Body Paragraph… Writing Essentials:

Text-Based Evidence Proper Citation / Text Reference / Parenthetical Citation

(source #, author’s name, title, etc.) Elaboration Transitional Devices Appropriate Style, Objective Tone, and Vocabulary Varied Sentence Structures (simple, complex / short, long)

Cite Your SourcesHow to Cite In source 2, paragraph 11, the author says, “________.” The author of _(name of article or passage) states,

“____________.” In the article _(name of article or passage)_, _(name of

author)_ claims, “_______.” In source 3,_(name of source in article)_ claims,

“_______________.” Evidence (source 2, paragraph 3).

This powerpoint is a revised copy of that found at:

weingartela8.weebly.com/uploads/2/2/7/7/.../evidence_and_elaboration_pwpt.pptx