preparing everyone assuming the best building on strengths permanent family connections sue badeau...

Preparing EveryonePreparing EveryoneAssuming the bestAssuming the best

Building on strengthsBuilding on strengths

Permanent Family Connections

Sue Badeau & Bob Lewis

[email protected] & [email protected] 2

Workshop PreviewWorkshop Preview

• Shared parenting

• Who needs to be prepared?

• Issues: yours, mine and ours

• Engaging others in the process

• Group Exercise

• Wrap-up


All Parenting is SharedAll Parenting is Shared

• How have you or your parents shared How have you or your parents shared parenting?parenting?

• What does shared parenting mean; can you What does shared parenting mean; can you think of another way to say it?think of another way to say it?

• Thinking beyond today and beyond Thinking beyond today and beyond yourself…yourself…

• Tell us about a time when the adult Tell us about a time when the adult relationships in a youth’s life came together relationships in a youth’s life came together to assure permanence.to assure permanence.


Who needs to be Who needs to be prepared? prepared?

The list grows on• The prospective parents• The child• A youth’s constellation of

contacts,–Professional–Personal


Even doing our best,Even doing our best,we’ve all got Issues.we’ve all got Issues.

• Professionals– Teachers– Therapists– Social workers– Case managers

• Parents

• Relatives, Siblings

• Present and former caregivers


ProfessionalsProfessionals IssuesIssues

• No one started out to hurt a kid • Fear of doing so again• Competition & career• No one accepts something new

the first time• AKUD• Share, Educate, Demonstrate• Moving to a place of incompetence• Fear of more losses


Parents’/Relatives’Parents’/Relatives’ IssuesIssues

LossShameGuilt HurtSelf EsteemDesire to do the right

thingBeliefsFear vs. HopeLimited understanding of

parenting


Caregivers’Caregivers’ Issues Issues

• Good enough parents• “If I can’t do it nobody

can.”• Competition with the

new/old parent• Safety, protection and risk• Not in my job description –

not the way I was trained• Fear of losing services and

benefits and the “trapdoor”


Mike

Rayleen & Ronald

JamalMarika

Maya & PJ

Reaching outReaching out

Juan


FeedbackFeedback

• What worked well?

• What was the most difficult thing for both of you?

• What were you pleased that the other said or did?

• What would you have liked that wasn’t said or done?

• Where would you go from here?


Engaging OthersEngaging Others

Building a shared family network

• Extended family– Paternal and Maternal

• Caring Adults• Friends• Siblings• All Professionals• Lines of affection


Role redefinition and Role redefinition and relationshipsrelationships

• Professionals to family • Siblings to cousins• Parents to aunts and uncles• Friends to family• Fluid roles; enduring

relationships


Contribute not ControlContribute not Control

• As part of the whole network of family

• Friends become the family you chose for yourself

• How do you help if they don’t think they can contribute without controlling?


Network Engagement Network Engagement ProcessProcess

• Invitation • Youth centered• Personalized • Inclusive• Holistic• Adaptable• Accountable• Ongoing/ready to

reconvene


Running a MeetingRunning a Meeting

• Break into groups• Assign roles• Take a case from

Persistence or your own

• Identify others to be involved

• Run meeting and report out


PersistPersist

• Set up a system for contact

• Assume the best• Engage them in the

process• Empower the youth• Focus x competence x

passion = adherence• Persist

preparing everyone assuming the best building on strengths permanent family connections sue badeau...

Documents

trapdoor slide

professional personal

family siblings

shared parenting

professionals issues

network of family friends

relationships professionals

cousins parents