preschool bullying

8/13/2019 Preschool Bullying

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Preschool Bullying: Steps to Stop Child Aggression

Not many people are surprised to see preschoolers acting aggressivelyfrom taking

toys from each other to getting physical to expressing negative emotions, three- to five-year-

olds are expected to have outbursts, as theyre still learning how to interact appropriately withtheir peers.

While all bullying is aggression, not all aggression is bullying. o be considered

bullying, the bully must display behavior thats intended to hurt, harm, or in!ure another

person, and done on numerous occasionsall while maintaining a position of social power,

such as having older, bigger friends. When the perpetrator acts aggressively, the harassment

may become patterns of bullying unless adults intervene to teach young kids the appropriate

way to handle conflict "#$.

%nstances of bullying between young kids takes many forms, including hitting and

kicking, name-calling, and social exclusion "e.g., &%m not going to be your friend'$.

(uring preschool, bullying is based more on the here and now, and likely doesnt

include past events. )dditionally, this peer-on-peer harassment tends to be direct and done in

front of adults, revealing the identity of the bully and making intervention by adults easier

compared to older children "#, *, +$.

Victims Down the Road

ids who are aggressive in preschool are more likely to be on the receiving end of

bullying down the road. hese aggressors, who often tell other kids &you cant be my friend

anymore,' are more likely to be isolated by these same behaviors later in the school year, and

kids who exclude their classmates in preschool end up not being liked well later in the schoolyearwhich puts a target on the backs of former bullies. )dditionally, kids who aggress by

excluding or re!ecting others are less likely to be included in birthday parties, play dates, and

other social gatherings later on "*$.

%nterestingly, the same shift has been found in children who are victimied by their

peers in preschool. ids who are victims of bullying before kindergarten learn from their

experiencesand act out aggressive behaviors in the future. Not only does the bullied

become a bully, but children will often dish out the same sort of treatment they received

earlier. or example, the child whos hit and kicked by his peers is likely to hit and kick

others "/$.

Gender Trends

ollowing the trends of their older counterparts, young girls will most often participate

in social exclusion, while young boys tend to act out with physical aggression. actors

believed to contribute to bullying include insecure or low 0uality parent-child relationships

during infancy, sibling aggression, poor peer relationships, lots of parent-child conflict during

the preschool years and exposure to aggressive behavior in the media "#, 1, +, 2, 3$.

How to Help

)s a preschool parent, its up to you to help reduce aggression and victimiation "3, 4$.

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odel empathy!each your child that aggressive behavior is hurtful, and

unacceptable. %f you notice acts of aggression, calmly hug your little one, make eye

contact, and reiterate that its never okay to hurt others. %nstead, help them come up with

an age-appropriate vocabulary so they can use non-hurtful words to express their

feelings. Positi"e rein#orcement!5ongratulate your child for sharing, cooperating, and

helping others. 6arents often communicate dismay at misbehaviors, but sometimes forget

to praise behaviors they like. 7ugs, high fives and proclamations like, &% see you shared

your favorite toy with (ylanmommy is proud of you,' will make it more likely your

tiny tot will continue to be nice to peers.

Create a #riend group!)rrange supervised play dates one to three times a

week, or take your child to playgrounds and organied activities where theres

opportunities to experiment with new pals. )s your child explores and interacts with

peers, keep a close eye outand intervene if you see any aggressive behavior. 8eing a

friend is a learned skill, so take advantage of car rides and bedtime chitchat to explain the

appropriate ways to treat companions. )dditionally, you can incorporate learning into

your bedtime routine by picking up some books that outline how to make friendsand

keep them.

Turn o## the TV!ids love to mimic, so limit exposure to aggressive role

modelsboth in the media and at home. 9eplace screaming matches with heartfelt talks,

and keep your easily influenced kid away from the &bad' boys and girls on the small

screen. :ducational videos and public television can be great resources for age-

appropriate role models, but remember it is important to watch the program with your

child and talk with them about the content. ;ounger children may have difficultyunderstanding the lesson in the program and instead could learn from aggressive

behaviors or conflict scenes that are sometimes shown in high 0uality programming.

%n addition to these positive steps to take at home, you should encourage your childs

teacher to adopt anti-bullying practices in the classroom "4$.

Condemn aggression!Whenever possible, teachers should connect acts of

aggression, such as biting or not sharing, to the hurt it causes other childrenand do it

right away. (ont use other examples of aggressive behavior to teach a lessonsticking

to the current incident will help keep it relevant. )s a result, preschoolers will be better

able to connect the dots between bullying and hurt feelings. Step it out!;oung preschool children need specific and easily recalled steps

for how to be less aggressive, and develop more positive ways to solve problems. . ?., 5older, 5. 9., @eonard, . :., :dwards, :. 6., A =rrange-

orchia, . "*B#B$. 6arent alcohol problems and peer bullying and victimiationC 5hild

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gender and infant attachment security as moderators. Journal of Clinical Child and

Adolescent Psychology, 39, /1#-/+B.

=strov, >. ?. "*BB4$. orms of aggression and peer victimiation during early

childhoodC ) short-term longitudinal study. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 36, /##-

/**. =strov, >. ?. "*B#B$. 6rospective associations between peer victimiation and

aggression. Child Development, 8, #23B-#233.

=strov, >. ?., A 8ishop, 5. ?. "*BB4$. 6reschoolers aggression and parent-child

relationshipsC ) short-term longitudinal study.Journal of !"perimental Child Psychology, 99,

/BD-/**.

=strov, >. ?. A Eoldeski, F. ). "*B#B$. oward an integrated gender-linked model of

aggression subtypes in early and middle childhood.Psychological #evie$, %, *//-*1*.

=strov, >. ?., 5rick, N. 9., A Ftauffacher, . "*BB2$. 9elational aggression, sibling and

peer relationships during early childhood.Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, &%,

*1#-*+/.

=strov, >. ?., Eentile, (. )., A 5rick, N. 9. "*BB2$. ?edia habits, aggression, and

prosocial behavior during early childhood. 'ocial Development, (, 2#*-2*3.

=strov, >. ?., ?assetti, E. ?., Ftauffacher, ., Eodleski, F. )., 7art, ., arch, .,

?ullins, ). (., A 9ies, :. :. "*BBD$. )n intervention for relational and physical aggression in

early childhoodC ) preliminary study.!arly Childhood #esearch )uarterly, &*, #+-*4.

Aggressi"e Children

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)ggression is one of the first responses to frustration that a baby learns. Erabbing,

biting, hitting, and pushing are especially common before children develop the verbal skills

that allow them to talk in a sophisticated way about what they want and how they feel.

5hildren are often rewarded for their aggressive behavior. he child who acts out in

class generally gets the most attention from the teacher. he child who breaks into the line togo down the slide at the playground sometimes gets to use the slide the most. =ne of the

toughest problems parents and teachers face in stopping aggressive behavior is that in the

short term it gets the child exactly what he wants. %ts only after a few years that

inappropriately aggressive children must cope with a lack of friends, bad reputations, and the

other conse0uences of their behavior.

or some children, this tendency toward physical aggression and other difficult

behaviors appears to be inborn. heres some evidence that a proportion of these children

may be identified as restless fetuses that kick significantly more than other fetuses. ?any

very aggressive children are noted to be restless infants even before they begin to crawl and

walk.

hese overly aggressive children appear to have less mature nervous systems than other

children their age. his shows up in a variety of problems with self-control. hey cannot sit

still for more than a few minutes. hey are easily distracted. =nce they begin to get excited or

angry, they have difficulty stopping themselves. hey are impulsive and have trouble

concentrating on a task for more than a few minutes or even seconds.

Coping with a Very Aggressi"e Child

%ts difficult for adults not to attribute malicious motives to children who consistently

appear to be trying to drive their parents and teachers to distraction. =ften its e0uallydifficult for parents not to assume that children are behaving this way because of something

the parents have done wrong or have forgotten to do right. Fuch casting of blame, however, is

not only inaccurate but usually useless as well.

he first step in helping an overly aggressive child is to look for patterns in what

triggers the assaults, especially if the child is a toddler or preschooler. he aggression may

happen only at home or only in public places. %t may occur mostly in the afternoon or when

the child is frustrated. )lso, most of these children go through a predictable se0uence of

behaviors before they lose control. %ts a bit like watching a car going through a normal

acceleration and then suddenly kicking into overdrive.

=nce you can determine the most common triggers and can spot the escalating

behavior, the simplest thing is to remove the child from that environment before he loses

control. ake him away from the sandbox or the playgroup for a minute or two until he

regains his composure. )s the child develops, he will become less frustrated and, therefore,

less aggressive because he has a wider variety of ways to respond to a challenging situation.

%ts also very useful to provide these aggressive and distractible children with a lot of

structure and routine in their daily lives since predictability helps children remain calm and in

control. empting as it may be at the time, spanking these children for being aggressive often

does more harm than good. %t is simply modeling the very thing you dont want children to

do. %t teaches them that big people hit when theyre angry or upset, and that is precisely theaggressive childs problem.

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preschool bullying

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