Presentation by: Dr. Linda Olson

When someone asks you what is childhood domestic violence what is the first thing that comes to mind?

A Child’s Perspective From the Mouth of A Child

They’re Having a Fight Because…… This Has Been Going On Forever.

What is CDV? Childhood Domestic Violence (CDV) is growing up in a home with

domestic violence. From a childhood standpoint, domestic violence is violence

between parents or towards a parent, perhaps from a stepparent or significant other.

Violence can be physical or nonphysical, or both. It does not matter whether or not the child is the direct target of

the violence. Simply “witnessing” the violence can leave, according to Anthony

Robbins, "an indelible mark” on a child, and have a profound and lasting impact on his or her life and hopes for the future.

The word “witness” does not adequately capture the impact.

Did you grow up living with domestic violence? Growing up, was there physical violence in your home between

your parents or caregivers? Was the physical violence also directed towards you? Did your parents or caregivers frequently use words and tone of

voice as weapons towards one another? Were words and tone of voice also directed towards you?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions you grew up experiencing Childhood Domestic Violence.

Am I alone? There is less than 10% awareness of CDV and few known and

widely practiced solutions.

Globally, UNICEF calls childhood domestic violence one of the

most pervasive rights violations in the world today, affecting a

billion people worldwide.

Over 55 million people in the US alone –

Roughly 15+ million children are living with it today and

40 million adults grew up with it as children.

That’s 1 in 7 people. UNICEF calls it “one of the most pervasive

human rights issues of our time.”

Impact of CDV As A Child Growing up living with domestic violence negatively wires a

developing brain and the formation of the cognitive belief system.

It encodes a series of negative beliefs – LIES – very early in life

that one grows up to believe about themselves. And then, the

brain, doing its job, seeks to find more evidence of what it

believes to be true.

Because the way we feel and act is consistent with who we believe

we are, they often act as such, which makes them: 6x more likely

to commit suicide, 50x more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol,

and 74x more likely to commit a violent crime.

Impact of CDV As An Adult A woman's need to PROVE her WORTH to a man and DEFEND

that she is not a stupid , lazy worthless whore or other even more

demeaning words are very common and reflect the self-blame and

self- shame that live in women who feel controlled in abusive

relationships.

A woman will NEVER be able to leave an abusive and violent

relationship until she stops BLAMING and SHAMING herself for

her partners abuse.

It is this SELF- BLAME and SELF- SHAME that keeps the woman

such and reinforces the abuse cycle.

Debilitating Impact of Fear I lived in fear, shame, and denial for most of my life.

I was afraid to speak the truth. I was afraid to admit the truth.

What I now know fear, secrecy, and denial reinforce more fear

secrecy and denial.

I am not afraid to live in the truth anymore

History Repeats: Unending Loop? According to UNICEF, “The single best predictor of children

becoming either perpetrators or victims of domestic violence later in life is whether they grow up in a home where there is domestic violence.”

But the most profound impact, according to leading experts, is that they will NOT reach their full potential… UNLESS…they unlearn all the negative beliefs learned in childhood.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

FEARFULBad things are going to happen. I have to focus on protecting myself from them. I am safer if I don’t try.

CONFIDENTI have more courage than I know.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

GUILTYIt was my fault. I caused it. I should have stopped it.

FREEI now realize that I couldn’t be responsible for the actions of adults.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

ANGRYAnger gives me the power and control I never had.

PASSIONATEI transform the impulse of anger and resentment into passion.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

HOPELESSGood things don’t happen to people like me.

GUIDEDThe injustice I experienced as a child created a spiritual strength inside me.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

SADI feel more bad than good each day.

GRATEFULIf I choose to focus on them, I have so many things to be grateful for.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

RESENTFULThe more I tear you down, the bigger I become.

COMPASSIONATEI have compassion for myself and can now have it for others.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

WORTHLESSI’m not good enough. I’m worth-less.

ACCOMPLISHEDI have conquered something that few will ever have to endure.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

ALONEI don’t trust others easily and at times I feel alone.

TRUSTINGI choose to assume positive intent. This will attract others to me.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

UNATTRACTIVEI feel self-conscious and unattractive.

ATTRACTIVEAs I discover the truth about myself, I feel more attractive and am to others.

The LIES that CDV teachesLie Truth

UNLOVABLEI don’t understand what love is and I don’t deserve to be loved.

LOVINGI now understand the hurt inside me and I feel more loved and lovable each day.

Post Traumatic Growth “Invincible” forward by Tony Robbins I am grateful I finally had the courage to leave. We cannot heal what we do not acknowledge. The best way to heal ourselves is to heal others. Advocacy is key to our healing.

Victorious Over CDV All empirical research shows that the only way ANY of us

heal is to:1. Acknowledge our pain. 2. Share our story with others 3. Give back and be of service to others.

The goal is to TRANSFORM our pain INTO HEALING OTHERS!

Raising AwarenessLearn More about CDV by connecting with charity websites:

In Memory of My Two Sisters…